Do people assume you're your child's grandma?

Valleria - posted on 03/06/2013

Good luck Kathy. Only God knows what is best for us. My baby girl is now 18, I had her when I was 43, God has povided the stength and certainly the energy! And the resources. YOU GOT TO LOVE THEM.!

Kathy - posted on 03/05/2013

I have had 4 children at 35 and older and going to have my 7th child next month at one month shy of 49, a very unexpected blessing. I definitely look my age, so I am sure I will be assumed to be the grandma. I actually will have a grandson the same age as this baby.

April - posted on 02/18/2013

I am 41. I have 3 kids, ages 11, 8 and 6. Yesterday I brought my daughter, age 6, to get a manicure with me. The woman doing the manicure was trying to hard to convince me to pay for so many other services and then trying to upsell me on anything she could. The owner at the next table was doing my daughter. My daughter was finished and she turned to me and asked me if she was my granddaughter. I was surprised and answered No, she's my daughter. My manicure woman was horrified. The woman who did the asking just got up and left the table and went into the back somewhere. Then my woman starts asking me all of these questions like how old am I and when did I have my 6 yr old kid, trying to cover up for her buddy. Well, I had a really bad year, with 2 deaths, my grandma and one very sudden of my mom. I've lost my two lines of women before me, the people I would go to for guidance. I feel ancient but don't need to be reminded of it. So, suffice it to say, I won't be back at that nail place due to the assumption of me and the constant upselling of services. But before I dyed my hair, I was asked if I was 55+ for some senior discount. I also was asked if my husband was my son. So, I took a good look at myself and I guess I truly am missing that spark of life I used to have before all of my tragedies hit. When I was in my 30s, it was assumed I was younger. Today I went out and bought some new hair dye, a different darker color. I also bought some nice new creames for my face. I then took a good look around at what 40+ celebrity women wear these days. So, I guess I will try and update my style a little. I guess if I wasn't so depressed, these grandma assumptions wouldn't bother me so much but I am still grieving my mom and my kids did lose their grandma, so we really don't need these comments.

Patricia - posted on 09/24/2012

my sister had her 1st at 41 after being told she never would concieve and she is almost one and they are trying for there second due to her health risks the doctor said she should have them close together she only wants 2

Patricia - posted on 09/24/2012

i have had that to and i am 40 i hae 10 kids and had 5 shopping with me and the lady said are you out with nana for the day my youngest was only a few days old and i said no i am their mum not there Nana and my daughter said my mum is only 40 she's not old nice to have a 6 year old stick up for me

Stella - posted on 09/24/2012

I have had this question for 17 years, i was 36 at the time. I just correct them and say no im his mom

Robin - posted on 09/20/2012

I am almost 48 now.I have 2 wonderful daughters!!!My oldest is 28 now with A 5 year old son of her own,and I am soooo proud of her!!!!My youngest daughter is 9 now.Both my daughters have aspergers syndrome,which is an autism spectrum disorder.Both my kids are savagely brilliant,I mean Bill Gates brilliant!

I have actually been accused of lying when I tell people my daughters were born 19 years apart.Some people have asked me if my youngest Daughter is actually my oldest Daughter's child.I could easily get offended by such ignorant questions;but I have A reply for them.I tell them that if I were not my youngest daughters Mother,I would not be raising her.I also tell them that GOD wanted me to raise my kids 1 at A time for some reason.I did not plan my second child.I was DIVINELY FAVORED when I got pregnant with my second baby.After my first was born I developed all sorts of post-op problems,and was told when I was 20 that I would never have anymore children.So imagine my surprise and delight when I found out for the second time I was so blessed!!!!Ignorant people are everywhere,so us older Moms must teach others that having children is not just for 20 year olds.Keep raising those Babies!!

Kai - posted on 09/18/2012

Hi, I'm Kai and I am 47 years old with a beautiful 12 year old daughter and a 10 year old son.

It" hurts" me when people ask if I am the child's Mom or Both Kids Mom?I feel they should just know that. "Are you his/her Mom"? I totally go on the Defense and say"yes,yes I am his Mom.Why do I get so bent out of shape about it?Why does it take my happiness away when someone questions me about my Kids? Kinda of personal question. I certainly do not ask people questions that are totally irrevelant to me. Sometimes if I am pissy,I'll say no-no "I'm their great grandma. Then they say "Oh, you look to young to be their grand-ma.I mean like WTF?It does hurt me. I do everything under the sun to try to look younger and be full of energy.Can't I just check out of Publix without being asked so many questions?????I am simply trying to buy groceries,mind MY business and come home.



It is the greatest accomplishment of my life ,these two children.I am so glad that I waited to have them so I can totally enjoy them ,afford them and be patient with them......Life is good.

Jennifer - posted on 02/14/2011

THANK YOU I have two children my oldest is 14 y6ears old and my youngest just turned 1and everytime I take my two girls out with me people are always asking me if I am mom or grandma which really upsets my oldest daughter stating that she is only 14 and that she is just the big sister.

Janet - posted on 02/10/2011

My husband and I had that problem at a resturant. They thought our daughter was our granddaughter. Now whenever we go out somewhere we make sure that we sometimes refer to our daughter as our daughter. Yes we get looks because she is 9 and I'm 52 and my husband is 50 but that's the only way I knew how to take care of that problem in public. I hope that helps..

Valleria - posted on 12/14/2010

I AM 59 AND PROUD. I HAVE A DAUGHTER 38 AND THREE GRANDCHILDREN, MY BABY GIRL IS 15 PEOPLE HAVE MADE THE MISTAKE OF CALLING ME HER GRANDMOTHER (ON ONE OF MY BAD DAYS) BUT I RESPOND SAYING "I COULD BE HER GRANNY , AND CONTINUE TO TELL THEM ABOUT MY GRANDSON WHO JUST GRADUATED FROM HIGH SCHOOL. THEY END UP COMPLIMENTING ME ON LOOKING SO GOOD

Ericka - posted on 12/09/2010

true

Ellen - posted on 12/09/2010

I just don't let it bother me. What is is. It's usually the person asking that's embarrassed anyway.

Ericka - posted on 12/09/2010

thats nice then...a childs view of innocence....you for her is not old...

Judith - posted on 12/08/2010

A couple of my neighbour's kids thought that I was my son's grandmother until my other neighbour's 4yr old daughter told them that I was his mother. I thought it was very cute of her to stick up for me

Ericka - posted on 12/08/2010

that would be be a complement then...arent you amzed to be mistaken as your daughters twin? means you look young despite your age

Karen - posted on 12/08/2010

Ok, I do like more conservative dressing and I don't color my hair because my gray hair is pretty nice and all the coloring jobs just look fake on me! I don't mind being an obviously older Mom, I consider it a privilege that few others have. If someone mistakes me for her grandma then I enjoy telling them the story of our unique family.

Connie - posted on 12/08/2010

I always say with a smile oh heavens no my grand kids are older then him :)

Penny - posted on 12/08/2010

I have a 30yr old daughter and the other day I was out with my grandson and a lady commented on what a cute son I had. I laughed all day about that!(I'm 48)

Kathy - posted on 12/08/2010

I understand, Tracy, that rudeness is not intended in your post, and none assumed. Please realize, though, that not all of us older moms run around in sweats! I can't speak for anyone but me, but I am even more conscious of how I look (hair, makeup, nails, clothes, fragrance, and so on) and behave since I AM an older mom! I enjoy skirting the fine line between just a bit trendy and "ewww, MOM!!" LOL! I feel sure that many other older moms feel the same. I think the problem lies in the assumptions that people make without ever stopping to think that someone else's life might be very different from theirs!

Tracy - posted on 12/07/2010

Okay, first I'm sorry if this sounds rude I don't mean it that way. Looking like grandma may have more to do with how you dress and style your hair. It's time for change ladies color your hair and go shopping for new clothes if you haven't in the past 5 or more years. We all can't look like Dianne Carrrol and Sophia Loren or Rachel welch as we age. No matter what your size after the birth when outside look your best. keep the baggie comfy clothes for the house. Heels not required.

Kathy - posted on 12/07/2010

We have two older daughters (23 and 21) and two little ones (7 and almost-5). Always wanted 4, but never imagined them spaced like this! Anyway, my husband is a high-school band director. One evening, my oldest and I took the two littles to one of his concerts. A student's parent, sitting directly behind us, commented loudly to her companion "Isn't it nice how Mr. D's grandchildren look just like him?" Burning, but trying not to show it, I turned around and said, "these are his CHILDREN, not his grandchildren." She said, pointing to my oldest, "Oh, no, dear, that's their mother, his daughter!" I just said, "You're wrong. I know. I'm his wife." She moved her seat, and didn't ever address me again while her son was a student at that school! Makes me laugh now! (But not that night!)

Karen - posted on 12/07/2010

My ten year old was born in the year I turned 51 so naturally people think I'm her Grandma. From the very beginning we just laughed and never let it bother us. The first time it happened she was three and we were checking out at JC Penny the nice cashier asked Rachel if she was having a nice time with her grandma; I actually looked around to see who she was talking about before I realized she thought I was grandma. We had a nice laugh about it. She has one friend who asked me probably ten times "are you Rachel's grandma?" and I patiently explained to her that I am her older mother not her grandma. I think it's helpful if you just relax and go with the flow. People don't mean to be insulting they just want to be friendly.

Chaya - posted on 12/07/2010

My kids are 33 and 15, so it's like having two onlies, they've only met each other once. When Phillip was little, people I assumed I was his wet nurse, which was funny because I lived in Benin at the time, and ultimatly adopted him. He's black, I'm chinese. I just laugh when people assume I'm his aunt, cousin, or whatever, but MIRACLE AND I ARE NOT TWINS.

Chaya - posted on 12/07/2010

I've been mistaken for my daughter's twin, we're 30 years apart.When I was growing up, my step mother was often mistaken for my grandmother, although she probably is.I just tell people who make the mistake that there are 30 years between us.

Ericka - posted on 12/07/2010

i agree with you...people should not pressume ...i am 47 yrs old and i have 2 grandsons already ..i am prud about it but i dont boast it...just be happy with your child...but one advise i would give is maybe have a makeover...have a haircut..check out what clothes that would fit you...apply lipstick..light make up..but the important thing is...dont mind what people say about you as long as you are happy...

Vicki - posted on 12/04/2010

I was 42 when my son was born. When he could talk and people referred to me as grandma he got very indignant and said I was his mom. It does hurt but our kids know we are Mom and that is what's important. As far as responding, I should have said I am her/his Mom and it took years to have my precious children. I'm not sure this helps but hope so.

Sue - posted on 12/03/2010

Being the 50 year old mum of a 28 year old a 13 year old and a 9 year old I really don't care when people assume I'm the grandma. I just smile and say I'm the mum. They're the ones who feel silly and embarrassed, not me. I know how much better a mum I am now than when I had my first at 22. I have done so much of what I wanted to do and now have the time and patience to devote to my kids. My youngest does get a little angry sometimes but I try to teach her to let it roll off her and tell her to watch their faces when they realise they are wrong, it really is quite funny to watch! My eldest used to be upset when she was mistaken for their mum but now, at 28, and with no children of her own she quite happily flits between being second mum and big sister.I just tell people I tried one first, liked it and thought I'd try 2. You should see their faces when I say I'm going to try 3 next, some of them actually believe me!

Jane - posted on 12/03/2010

I replied earlier but thought I'd let you know that I just got this again today. "I wish my children had a grandma like you." If that is not a backhanded compliment, I don't know what is! ;-)

Julie - posted on 12/03/2010

Have I ever experienced this! I was 43 when I began fostering my daughter who I have since adopted. She was 6 weeks old when I first brought her home. We are now 48 and 5 respectively. Yes, I often am asked if she is my granddaughter. Of course, she very well could be, but she isn't. And that is what I usually say with a smile. It usually doesn't bother me too much, as I can understand the assumption. I might add that I live in a southeast Asian country where older mothers are not very common. That being said, I did have a number of experiences early on that were harder to take. When I first brought my daughter home in October of 2005, my brother and his wife immediately made plans to visit us for Christmas of that year. During that visit, not only did many people ask if I was Rachel's grandmother, but many also made the assumption that Rachel was his child and that he was my son. Adding insult to injury is the fact that my brother is a mere one year and 10 days younger than me. After hearing this about 4 or 5 times, Rick finally told me that if one more person asked if he was my son, I probably ought to dye my hair (which was, incidentally, quite gray. He, on the other hand, had shaved his head completely bald, and so had no tell-tale grays to give away his age.) Incidentally, I was asked again, and I did dye my hair for a while, but in recent years have been letting it go back to its natural color again.

Michelle - posted on 12/03/2010

I am 42 and i have a 9 year old and a 10 month old. Both my children are adpted. I get the grama thing all the time. I say to heck with what they think. My 9 year old sets the record straight for me. She thinks its funny that people call me granny. She politely just tells people that i am her mom. I let her be my spokesperson. It works really well. She loves doing it too. My children know who i am and that is all that counts.

Sheila - posted on 12/03/2010

At fifty with a two year old yes I have been mistaken for granny. At first it bothered me but I am soo grateful to have him it does not bother me. For the friends that I have my age I seem to be a bit more energized so that is working in my favor.

Rayanna - posted on 12/02/2010

Sorry for all of your miscarriages. I had one at 5 1/2 months when I was 18 and married to my first husband. A beautiful baby boy we named Jared Alan. I then had 2 more kids with my ex and we were married for 16 years. I've always looked young for my age also, not so sure anymore. I know I'll feel younger when I lose all this extra baby weight.

Karen - posted on 12/02/2010

Jane, no snappy responses needed ... just give them a big smile, say "nope, I'm the mommy!" and let it roll off you. They'll feel like idiots.
:-)

Jane - posted on 12/02/2010

I have always heard this a lot, and I know that many women my age ARE grandmothers. (It doesn't help that I began going gray prematurely, as is common in my family.) However, I have a terrible chip on my shoulder about it. I TRY not to let it bother me and pray that the benefits of my being older and more established and more stable financially and emotionally will outweigh any possible drawbacks with me being older for my children. I wish I had a snappy, yet not TOO impolite a response but I don't. I do marvel at how thoughtless people often are. Knowing how I feel, my husband will often assume that women who appear to be the grandmother are the mother. He has yet to offend anyone that way. Rather than assuming that we are the grandmothers or even asking if we are mothers are grandmothers, people should be smart. At least feign assuming that we're the mother. Who is going to be offended?!

Glenys - posted on 12/02/2010

Hi I have an 8 yr old son and a 24yr old son. When my eldest son and i go to the shops with the 8 yr old they mistake my son for my husband. Then I tell them they are both my sons and they say you must of had the oldest one very young. I was 23 when i had my eldest and 40 when I had my last. Some people think my husband is my father and he dosnt like that. My mother had my sister at 47 and I was 14 and Mum used to get upset when they thought she was the grandma and I was the Mum. I dont worry what people think as long as you are a good person and care for your kids its none of any ones business. take care every one.

Nijuana - posted on 12/01/2010

I married at 15 and had 4 children by age 19. Got my tubes tied. I had always looked years younger than I actually was so was constantly mistaken for their sister, which I loved. They simply grew up way too fast. Met my second husband (after escaping from my abusive first husband) when I was 25. Eventually married him and had a tubal reversal (at 34, so plenty of time to have another child). However, we suffered 9 miscarriages in a row. I aged horribly during this period of time. Stress does age you as I have found out first hand. Heartbroken, we realized it wasn't meant to be so stopped trying. A year and a half later we shockingly found out I was pregnant again after going through some heavy duty steroid treatments that obviously interfered with my birth control. We assumed we would lose this one as well, but found a miracle Dr (thank you Dr Grant in Columbia, MO) and at age 40 I gave birth to our "Surprise Blessing", a baby boy we named Sawyer Chance. My pregnancy of course was incredibly stressful, constantly thinking we may lose him. Aged even more. By now I was 40 and my kids were 24, 23, 21 & 20. I was also the grandma of 5, so Sawyer has 5 nieces and nephews older than him. I do get mistaken for his grandma sometimes and it upsets me a little. However, I am also constantly getting mistaken as the mother of my grandkids (now 7 of them) so I guess it all evens out in the end, hee hee!!!!

Rayanna - posted on 12/01/2010

Actually no one has actually said it although I believe some people have assumed I am his grandma. Over all people have been very tactful about it. It doesn't bother me that they may think I'm his grandma but if I get the chance I let them know, nicely that he's my baby boy!

Tami - posted on 11/27/2010

What i find extremely odd with the general public is the fact that if one ever watches tv or reads a magazine they will always talk about older famous (and not so famous) Ladies having children... some older thatn 45. so my question is 'if John travolta/ kelly Preston or Celion Dion can get pregnant in the public's eye, then why are the people of America acting as if we are the outcast of society?" truly I say to them, catch up with the times... this is the NEW today! ENJOY our blessings! who cares what poeple say or think about our age? I had one of my daughters PRE-k classmates ask if i was her MOM or grandma... JUST GAVE HIM a great big smile and said - "her mother boy, why?' and walked away again... really have to fight the temptation of going postal!! :-)

Cheryl - posted on 11/26/2010

I am guilty of this ... though now I ask are you grandmom or mom? I live in an area where there are not many older parents so I enjoy meeting ones that are my age...but I also have the advantage of being both myself ...as we have adopted/raising our 2 boys who started life as biological grandchildren. By the way it is amazing how many times I get the response "both". But being a stay at home mom at 51 leaves me with few my age that are raising young children.

Tami - posted on 11/26/2010

YEA!! I get it far more than I would like!!! DRIVES ME NUTS... i will never forget just a few days after delivering my beautful baby girl i went out for some pink clothes. RIGHT THEN standing in Kohls a lady said 'looks likes someone's expecting a new grandchild!!!" stomach still huge not really suppose to be driving!! i almost took out my post delivery anxiety out on her!!! and that's where it all started. I have since divorced... my daughter is now a few days away from turning 5! Still hear it when i am out with her, dont reckon i will ever become 'happy' hearing it the next time!! anyway, i just not so kindly reply " NOPE THIS IS MY BABY GIRL!! ISN"T SHE BEAUTIFUL!!!" and walk away :-)

Diane - posted on 11/26/2010

Oh, yes, many many times both my husband and myself have been mistaken for our adopted daughter's grandparents. My husband is very gracious saying "we could be--but weren't not!" His attitude is very good. He is 48 and I am 44, but consider us blessed to have a 3 year old adopted from Vietnam! I lost two babies, and desperately wanted children. I am also a two time cancer survivor--almost lost my life when I was in a coma from leukemia. One doctor told me "we had you on every antiviral, antifungal, and antibiotic we could think of, but a day or two before you were going to die, your body just kicked back in!" We give God all the glory. I had to learn to walk again, and to write my name. They found ONE person out of 5 million people to give me a bone marrow transplant--another miracle as far as I'm concerned. So, I just try to let the words roll off and keep going and laugh--there is too much to worry about nowadays between my health and my precious daughter. Don't let it bug you. People say a lot of things without thinking. My husband thinks they should ere on the side of caution--but they don't!

Karen - posted on 11/26/2010

I have to say, I have been lucky to never have been called "grandma" ... I am 49 and my daughters are 9 & 10 years old. Not that it would really bother me (I don't think) I don't know if it is because I don't act my age or I don't look it, or if it's because there seems to be a large population of "mature mothers" in this town, but I have never heard "grandma" yet. Personally I think I totally look my age, but I also know that I am more active and better physical shape than some of my friends 10 year younger than I am. Maybe that helps ... staying active?

But I will not find it upsetting when I finally do hear it. My mother was always mistaken for my grandmother and she took it with price and a held her head high. From a child view I always was proud of her and I knew that her advanced age was due to her taking time to find herself, to go to college (which most younger moms hadn't (back in the 60's!)) I saw her advanced age as a positive thing, not an insult.

As for myself, age is not something to shy from. I gladly tell people "yes, I will be 50 next year!" Age brings life experience and [hopefully] wisdom and compassion. I will never be ashamed of my age! ... however i do avoid mirrors. I don't mind getting older but I rather not see it, LOL!

Carol - posted on 11/25/2010

My daughter is 4 now and I'll be 46 in a few months time. On numerous occasions I've been mistaken for her grandma and I've found it really upsetting and gone home in tears. I worry that she will be teased when she starts primary school/secondary school as I'll probably look the oldest mum in the playground. I look after myself and don't think I look my age but it knocks my confidence and I do worry for her. People should not presume, alot of women are having children later in life.