Do we ever stop worrying about our children?

Cheryl - posted on 05/29/2010 ( 172 moms have responded )

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Hi there. My son has just turned 18 this week and has been buying beer, vodka etc everyday.........I am really worrying about this as I dont drink. Is this just a novelty for him to buy it and will it wear off i wonder.
I know he is 18 and should now be able to live his own life, but I can help but worry and possibly interfere.
Is this normal?

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Cynthia - posted on 06/22/2010

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If it is not legal for your child to drink in the state where you live you need to turn him in. Also, if he still lives with you, he is not independent and you do have a say so in what he does. My son is almost 24. He drinks, etc. But he is independent, living on his own and of legal age. The only way I interfere new is through prayer.

Wilma - posted on 08/19/2012

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no my daughters are 22yrs old and 21 i still worry over them and they both have their own lives it bothers them they tell me they are not babies but i dont think mothers ever stop feeling scared over what they do or who they hang out with its part of loving your children

Susan - posted on 06/21/2010

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Well my opinion is that it would be a cold day in hell before parents stop worrying about their children. I have 2 girls who are going on 20 & 21 & even though they are both of age I worry about them all the time. Both my girls have boyfriends that I do not approve of & I have many reasons not to approve. They also each have a child which makes the whole situation even more difficult. If your son is drinking on a daily basis then you should be worried. His drinking could easily be an addiction & you worrying and your interference can possibly save him. You are a normal mom, the way I look at it if you didn't worry about someone that you love then your love would be questioned? INTERFERE!!!!!! your a mother who loves her son. Good Luck

Loma - posted on 08/21/2012

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My son is 21 and I still worry about him. If you raised him right, then trust he will make the right decisions. Just remind him how much you love him and how much it would break your heart if anything happened to him. It is the truth and you let him know you worry. Hang in there.

Toni - posted on 05/12/2013

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No, its not. In SOME parts of Canada, the drinking age is 19. I live in Alberta. Its 18.

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Sophia - posted on 02/19/2014

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What state you live it in..... I thought the age to buy beer ect. Was21. Make sure he is not drinking with is 18 year old peers in your house ... I see big problem for you if this is happen... God bless

Sylvi-jane - posted on 05/14/2013

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Make him aware of safe limits to drinking without telling him to water it down you can get that over to him in a way without saying a word by putting up pinups of bad livers and kidneys caused by drink, you will find you wont get that I'm 18 you can't tell me what to do anymore, without worring to much if they are good.

Kimberly - posted on 06/25/2010

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Yes it is quite normal to worry about your son and h is drinking because he could become an alcoholic especially when it's everyday. He needs some counseling from you, but if he's getting drunk everday that's a real problem. He would need a program to get cleam and then you throw away all alcohol in the house. I understand your worrying as I have two grown sons, and they don't believe in drinking because I used to use alcohol to make me feel numb when my kids were young, so that's why they don't drink.

Kyna - posted on 06/24/2010

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Oh dear .... I KNOW I shouldn't be laughing .... but I can't help it. When my kids were in their teens, I asked my Mom when I would stop worrying about them. She said "I don't know -- ask your grandmother". So I HAD to .... my grandmother, bless her heart, confirmed: "you will NEVER stop worrying about your kids"

I'm guessing she watches them still -- at least I like to believe that both of my grandmothers are my [okay, "our"] Guardian Angels.

Marie - posted on 06/23/2010

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Hi Cheryl, My so is 20 my doughter 21 and of course my 21/2 year old. My 20 year old son is home from college and i still wait up for him to get home when he goes out so the answer is no you never due stop. and he will grow out of it it will take some time.
Give it time and this to shall pass. To me all good moms worry about there kids till the day they die. dont matter how old they are. Good luck.
Marie

Pleshette - posted on 06/22/2010

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Yes, I would be concerned as a parent. The age that he is and two the reason or frequency behind the drinking. My son just turned 19 and he always throws that up in my face. "But mom I'm 19 years old". My response to that, is I don't care if your a 119 years old. I am still your mother and I do out rank you. Hmm!

Cheryl - posted on 06/22/2010

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here in the UK the age to buy drink is 18!, but i actually do think they are not old enough to cope with it and so wish it was older as some of you say it is where you are!
Thank you for all your comments everyone and I am so glad it is not just me feeling this way!

Elizabeth - posted on 06/20/2010

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First time out of the nest I take it. My youngest did the same thing when he first went to college and when he partied a little to much and lost his grant and had to start paying for things he figured it out. So I hope your son will do the same. Is it not 21 to buy beer where you are? I thought that was nation wide law. you can point out the legal ramifications to his behavior But be willing to make allowances to he is a grown man and needs to be spoken to as one. Does he support him self or is he still at home. But to the quick and straight forward answer NO we never stop worrying we just cant ground them any more so we have to adapt the way we deal with them.

Amada - posted on 06/18/2010

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I am 51 and I have an 18 yrs. old son. I worry about him.
My mother used to worry about me when she was alive; when I was in my 20's.

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I dont think a good mother ever stops worrying..My son is 25 and has been a firefighter for 5 years...I worry about him driving etc...people ask me if I worry about him being a firefighter my answer is of course but I worry about him even when he isnt working.

Rachel - posted on 06/18/2010

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yeah it will wear off because he was good and waited till 18 to do it my kids drank earlier and now at 18 and over don't just at party now and than.

Irene - posted on 06/18/2010

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I used to laugh at my mum who always worried aboutus as we grew up, got married, had kids etc. I started to understand as my children grew up. I have 2 sons - aged 25 & 22 and a daughter aged 19. They all live away from home - but that doesn't stop me worrying about them. Whether it is alcohol, jobs (or lack of), partners etc I find I would still like to be protective of them. However I have learnt that they have to live their own lives & as hard as it may be, they are now adults in their own right. I will let them know what I think if appropriate & then shut up but they all know that I am there if they need me.

Lori - posted on 06/17/2010

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Hi Cheryl...yes he is normal...He's just exercising his right to buy alcohol. Its a new and huge milestone for him. Has anyone had a drink with him to celebrate his manhood. As long as he isnt getting totally drunk every single day, I dont think there's any need to worry :) Good Luck

Ann - posted on 06/17/2010

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Very normal iv got 4 children 2 girls 2 boys girls are 31 and 27 boys are 30 and 28 they all did that when they got to that age, and 2 of them smoked and we where always worrying that never stops they are all only drink socialy and boys gave up smokeing, and they have good jobs, friends and have made us very proud, iam sure he will be fine, didnt we all get to 18 and think we new best?

Leanne - posted on 06/17/2010

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i think it is normal-or at least hope it is,else im in trouble! i have 2 grown up daughters (23 &20)as well as 2 little 1s & i worry-especially bout the 20yr old.she seems 2 be on self distruct,has been for couple of years now.the thing is at 18 they are suppost 2 be old enough 2 take control of their lives,and up until then you could at least steer them towards the right path in life,then they reach 18 and suddenly know everything,they cant possibly be wrong(or is that just my 20yr old) but it takes 1 thing 2 go wrong and guess who they run2!and then they realise maybe you do know something afterall!

Jeannie - posted on 06/17/2010

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I'm so glad about Circle of Moms because we do worry...I think that's part of the deal..right?? I think they drink because they know they can and you can't do anything. But my son went to LA,CA to find himself. He was exposed to alot but came back 7 years later and all for the better. I figured as long as he answered the phone he had a roof, maybe not eating much and I just had to have faith in him. He's 38 yrs now, married to a wonderful girl and he makes it a point to call us. So, hang in there!!

Lou Ann - posted on 06/16/2010

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Actually as a parent I don't think we ever stop worrying.

What is the legal age to purchase beer ect. I would definetly say to keep on eye on him. Another suggestion if you think he has a problem download pics of accidents of drunk drivers.....this may scare him straight if he does have a problem. My brother started drinking at a young age and he has a drinking problem......is on his 2nd DUI and both of them after my youngest sister was killed in a motor vechile accident which involved a drunk driver.

Eileen - posted on 06/15/2010

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my son is 18 and also likes to drink but he has stopped drinking vodka tg as i had to sit him down and explain that vodka is not a great drink he only drinks on a sat nite now does your son go to gym or play sports sometimes its because their friends drink ..every nite is a bit much keep an eye out for him..hopefully he will see sense ,,,, good luck,,

Reba - posted on 06/14/2010

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Hi, Cheryl
I don't think you ever stop worrying about your children as long as you or they are alive. My mom is 84, she worries about my (54) and the two brothers I still have (61 and 63) all the time. My own girls are 24, 26, and 28. They are all married (happily) and I worry about them daily. Actually worry is not the right word - it's CARE. A friend always says that if you have time to worry, you have time to pray; so "Let go and let God" do the worrying. I hope you aren't offended by this, but it is how I get through the daily trials my daughters are presented with. God Bless.

Lorraine - posted on 06/14/2010

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Hi Cheryl I think you need to be a lot stronger with him and tell him it's not on. You don't mind him having a drink but you think the weekends are enough! He will appreciate it more if you care what he does rather than leave it up to him. Just don't nag him! talk to him it really works promise! I have a 20 year old son.

Pat - posted on 06/13/2010

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Oh no, you NEVER stop worrying! My kids are 35, 32, and 27.....and guess what? I worry about them all the time. It's called being a good Mom. Even though your son is 18, doesn't mean he is able to live his own life. Don't fight with him everyday about it, just let him know that you don't approve. Sometimes that helps more than anything. My kids know that if I'm disappointed in them, well it's just not a good thing. It's like the old saying, if Mama ain't happy, no one is happy! Good luck and hang in there, if you know in your heart that he is a good kid then he probably will be!

Katie - posted on 06/13/2010

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What are mothers for, if you do not interfere who is? It is our duty as parents to give out wisdom as God gives it to us. Especially if you know about it. If you did not know then you could not interfere.

Gloretha - posted on 06/12/2010

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If we as parents stand by our children no matte what it makes them stronger. Even in head times, they seem to pull out. I had one son who got in trouble just being in the wrong place at the wrong time, I was there, I never talked down to him but I asked questions and let him answer, and find his way. My son never had another problem like that again. It is always how we respond to our children problems, yell only makes it worse, but hugs and questions helps them find a way out.

Joann - posted on 06/12/2010

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this is a bad decision for young adulthood there should be a more positive approach to adult hood like responsiblity of providing for oneself /own paycheck college apartment /limitations should still be set if a child acts like a child he should have privileges taken away i seen to many friends die in drunk driving accidents and such children are unaware we need to make them aware responsible drinking should be addressed

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I wish my parents had worried about me, even just a little bit, but I left home at 17, drank occasionally, married twice, had 3 children, divorced twice and worry about all of them all of the time and none of them drink more than a little and mostly not at all but I still worry about them. They are 35 (girl), 27 (boy) and 25 (girl) years old. So to answer your question no you never stop worrying about your children from whether they are drinking too much to whether they are with the right partner or will they find a partner (because they spend too much time on-line or reading at home and watching TV) and will you ever be a grandmother because your daughter's partner does not want to have more children since he already has one with a former partner.

Janice - posted on 06/12/2010

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Is there a magic cuttoff period when

offsprings become acccountable for there own

actions?? Is there a wonderful moment when

parents can become detached spectators in

the lives of there children and shrug, "It's

their life" and feel nothing??



When I was in my twenties,I stood in a hospital

corridor waiting for the dr's to put a few

stitches in my son's head.I asked,"I asked when do

you stop worrying?"The nurse said,

"When they get out of the accident stage." My

mother just smiled faintly and said nothing.



When I was in my 30's,I sat on a little

chair in a classroom and heard how one of my

children talked incessantly, disrupted the class,

and was headed for a career making

license plates. As if to read my mind, a teacher

said,"Don't worry,they all go through

this stage and then you can sit back,relax and

enjoy them."My mother just smiled

faintly and said nothing.



When I was in my 40's,I spent a lifetime

waiting for the phone to ring,the cars to come

home,the front door to open.A friend said,

"There trying to find themselves. Don't

worry,in a few years, you can stop worrying.

They'll be adults"My Mother just smiled

faintly and said nothing



By the time I was 50, I was sick and tired of being

vulnerable. I was still worrying over my children,

but there was a new wrinkle.There

was nothing I could do about it. My

Mother just smiled faintly and said nothing. I

continued to anguish over there failures,be

tormented by there frustration and absorbed in

there disappointments.



My friends said when my kids got married I

could stop worrying and lead my own

life. I wanted to believe that,but I was

haunted by my Mothers warm smile and her

occasional,"You look pale.Are you alright?

Call me the minute you get home. Are

you depressed about something???"



Can it be that parents are sentenced to a

lifetime of worry? Is concern for one another

handed down like a torch to blaze the trail of

human frailties and the fear of the

unknown? Is concern a curse or is it a virture

that elevates us to the highest form of life??



One of my children became quite irratable

recently, saying to me,"Where were you?? I've

been calling for 3 days and no one answered I WAS WORRIED"



AUTHOR UNKNOWN

my kids are 29,28,27,26 oldest boy and girl live with me i had them 2 boys then 2 girls i also have a 6 1/1yr old grandson I am helping raise and my youngest daughter is due on dec 6 so i get to help with this baby i would say NO you never quite worrying at least i don't

Kim - posted on 06/11/2010

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No we always worry. However, not knowing your son, with this day and time, I hope that it is indeed a novelty. Be thankful he is not trying drugs. They are as easy to get, if not easier in some places. Be patient, and talk to him, but don't lecture him. Listen!!!!He maybe telling you something that you are not hearing. You know hearing the words, but not the meaning.

Gwendolyn - posted on 06/11/2010

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I believe you never stop worrying about or children because we are thier mothers. We sometimes voice our opinion no matter they want to hear it or not. They don't understand that at times wee are only trying to stop them from making mistakes in life that they will regret. I think they know why we say and do what we do' but who wants to admit mom is RIGHT. Just hang in there. I'm sure this phase will pass, probably not fast enough, but it will. Just lett him know if he needs to talk you will be there for him. Just continue to be a MOM

Stephanie Jo - posted on 06/10/2010

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How does he get the stuff? Where I live you have to be 21. Does he live with you? Interfere, that is what we are here for.

Darlene - posted on 06/10/2010

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my son is almost 22 and i have seen him drunk 2 times and both times i have been there for him and i had his keys in my pocket so he could not drink and drive, i have also told him that if he ever needs me to come and get him if he has been drinking i would, but i do not approve of him drinking and he knows this, he is a good son and i would do anything for either of my kids, also have a daughter that is 28 and i have told her the same as my son.

Gloretha - posted on 06/10/2010

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I love you is always in my mouth even when they make me angry and we have a fight. One thing I always said when we have a disagreement, I love you comes out at the end. One of my sons and I had words about something I wanted and he say something Forest Gump said that was words of wisdom. And I told him all my life I gave and did with out now that I have a home and a yard now, I'm going to do something I want to do and get something I want, it about time now that all my child are adults, and I don't have anyone to take from me now, then I said, as Forest Gump said now that's all I have to say about that, he laugh. I said I love you, he smiled.

Dyane - posted on 06/10/2010

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My kids are all adults, the youngest being 20. My oldest drank before he was 21 & he's a small business owner no & prior to that held a full-time job at the same place for a long time, he's stable, married & happy.

The middle kid? He's 21, never drank until he was out of my house (he moved out after grad, at 17, a month before his 18th bday). He never rebelled in any way until then. He's done many drugs, some more dangerous than others. He's an alcoholic who hitch hikes & hops trains back & forth across the country.

My baby, she drinks occasionally, lives at home & has been our difficult child for years, she's bi-polar with a few suicide attempts under her belt.

Kids learn limits in their own way, or they don't. We really have no say once they become adults. If we forbid it in our homes, they'll go somewhere else & either risk getting in a car with a drunk driver, driving themselves or get arrested. Or, they'll lie. They aren't going to stop just because we tell them it isn't allowed.

Do we worry? Yes, every day. I'm 44 & I'm sure my mother worries about me some days, too.

Annette - posted on 06/10/2010

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Hi I have been through this sinario 6 times and am now going through it yet again !!! with my 20 yr old twin boys. Its really hard to bite your tongue but it really is the best for you all in the long run. I have learnt to talk calmly about the problems and effects alcohol can bring along with the pleasure they adviously get from it. I suppose I am probably luckier because my boys are the youngest and have watched their sibling go through this so they are probably more aware and equipt to deal with it.

we never stop worrying ...my eldest is 33 and I still !!! speak to her every day....all my children are in contact with me at least once a day it is wonderful to have such a loving family I am sure if you give him some sound advice when he has not been drinking of course. treat him as the adult he is and don't talk down to him..every think will run its course and god willing turn out ok...I beleive it is a statement these 18-21 year olds make ...LOOK I am 18 I CAN DRINK you can't stop me I'm a grown up ...good luck x

Cindy - posted on 06/10/2010

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It is very normal to worry. My son is 22 with a wife and 2 yr old baby and I worry non stop! He drinks,smokes cigarettes,dips snuff . but I told him that even though he is 22 he is still my baby and he has to either call me every day or I have to hear from him on facebook.... my parents still worry about me and I am almost 45

Laura - posted on 06/10/2010

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Well, the first question is, "does he still live in your home?' If he does you can definitely choose not to allow him to drink in your home or be drunk at your home. Although kids in general want to experiment with a lot of things, and that is normal, it's not always wise and in their best interest to be involved in some things. You can try to talk to him about being treated as an adult requires that he make adult and wise decisions. I had to deal with this with my own kids, I told them I knew they would try things that even I did not do or approve of, however as long as they lived at home their actions had an impact on everyone else in that household. Absolutely, under no circumstances was drinking and driving allowed, or keys would be taken, and they were 1 time, and it never happened again. After a week of no wheels and left to their own devices to get friends to pick them up for work etc, it got old. Never get in the car with someone who is drinking and driving. And always feel like you can call home for us to pick you up without any consequences to protect yourself, Now my kids were not perfect but for the most part always abided by these rules. When they didn't they have truly felt the consequences of those actions.

Your son is just going through the stages of leaving behind the restricitions of being a child and finally realizing he's an adult, but he needs to be very aware of the consequences of being an adult. There's a lot of responsibility that goes with the title.

Good luck with your son and I truly pray that he is a wise young man!

Carolyn 'Carrie' - posted on 06/10/2010

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its normal, dont worry so much, i have a 24 year old son who, wen he turned 18 did the same sort of thing, it usually is just a phase coz they can do it, my sons phase lasted a few months, wen they realise just how much it costs n the after effects they tend 2 slow it down, but as i said dont worry, the thing i have found is the more i nagged him the worse it got use kidology, say nothin n they usually grow out of it, hope this is helpful good luck :)

Sandy - posted on 06/09/2010

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We never stop loving and caring for our kids. We have 5 kids between 18 and 27. We can only advise, and rear our kids as best we can, after that, they live their own lives and make their own mistakes. All we can do is be there for them when they fall.

Tammy - posted on 06/09/2010

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I agree with the Moms, that no matter the age of our children, we will never stop worrying about them, hoping and praying that the lessons that we taught them were heard and put into play. But sometimes it's the kids that can teach us lessons as well. I lost my oldest son back in 2004,he was 24, so I tend to go into panic mode when I don't hear from my other three, who are 24, 22 and 20. It's funny hearing my kids telling me that I need to stop worrying so much that I taught them well and they know better, they even thank me now for being there for them, for letting them make the mistakes on their own, lessons that they needed to learn. My comment to them is always the same, "I will worry about you even when you are 99 years old"..their response.."Mom, hate to tell ya, but you will be long gone by then." *laffin*

Maureen - posted on 06/09/2010

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No, we never stop worrying about our children!! And of course you are worried. It may be just a phase cause now that he is legal, he can buy alcohol and he now has this new found freedom!

Just keep the lines of communication open. Have a chat with him. Be open and honest and tell him how you feel. Make sure you tell him that you love him and that you are there for him, no matter what. I think our children, no matter how old they are, need to hear that...that we care and them and that we love them and that we are there for them no matter what! If he makes bad decisions, just support him and talk to him about his bad choices and make sure he knows what good choices are. We cannot be with our children 24/7 and we cannot stop them from making bad choices, and they will, but that is the way they learn. They have to fall down, so that they can get back up again on their own two feet and try again! It is a very hard lesson for us parents...because we want to protect them, but we cannot always do that.

So make sure you tell him that just because he is 18 now, you still worry about him and he is still your son and you are still going to be there for him. There really is nothing magical about turning 18, except that the law sees 18 year olds as suddenly mature and legal. That does not make every 18 year old suddenly mature and free from error.

Anyway, I hope it goes well.

Take care

Maureen

Gloretha - posted on 06/09/2010

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NO,NO, AND NO, my children are in their lite 20's and early 30's and as long as you live mom will be mom.
They will tell you stay out of their business, or why are you up in my business. My comment to them is if something happens to you mom will be the on that will be their when your wife walk out on you because you can perform anymore or she decides to leave for some strange reason and think she can find someone better and take your children with her and you are one step from a nut case, or you go out thee and have sex with a woman without a condom and get AIDS and I have to be your prayer partner and nurse. Then I say to then are you using a condom?????? You never stop worrying.......

Margaret - posted on 06/09/2010

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Yes I believe it is okay to because technically he is still a miner and your responsbility. Well that is the law here in Nebraska any way. The best thing to do I think is to explain why it worries you if it should be like alchoism runs in the family or any other type of addiction. I myself have three children all are between 19-24 yrs old. Just this year in March my 20 year old had a mild heartache because of her meth. addiction and she doesn't work hasn't gotten her GED yet and I'm just about beyond myself with her. She went to treatment for a few weeks and has been clean of meth. for three months now and I'm proud of her for that but she still has aalong ways to go. Hang tough and keep your chin up and just let him no you are there for him if he needs to talk or anything and tell him if hes drinking not to drive and that if you have to go get him then thats what you will do so know one gets hurt if he should have a accident. Good luck Margaret

Adine - posted on 06/09/2010

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Yes, my sons are 20 and 18 and I worry constantly but trust in Jesus to protect them under His blood, that's all that keeps me from going crazy worrying.

Robin - posted on 06/09/2010

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First of all your the Parent , Secondly it's illeagal in my State(check your Laws) Thirdly he is living in your house MAKE him abide by your rules !!! Now ,No it is not normal it might be a novelty but you are not talking to him to find out so talk to him and if he says Mind your own Beeswax ,Tell him of your concerns and you want him to have a wonderful life not one that will lead to all kinds of health problems and mental problems...You want him to Be a great Man and alcahol can lead to bad decision making, and bad decision making can lead to legal problems or his or someone else's death... It is serious and you be a good Mom and stick to your guns!!! TOUGH LOVE !!!!

Janita - posted on 06/09/2010

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YEP!! its normal!! he is just experimenting,because he is 18, if he is a good kid, dont worry, he will get over it fairly quick!,And ur a mum, we never stop worrying about our kids, its normal, once a mum, always a mum!

Louise - posted on 06/09/2010

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yes it is very normal , i have 3 boys the eldest has just turned 21, the middle son is 17, its hard to let go of your children and trust me when i say u never stop worrying about them, he will try u and even feel like he is using u at times and yes u will get stressed to the max, if he is old enough to drink well hes old enough to move out, if he still lives with u , make some boundrys, u tell him even thou he is 18 this is my house u will live by my rules , and if he doesnt like it let him move out , it hurt me for the first time to but now i relized that u cant wrap them up in cotton wool they have there own lives to love let them live it, yes he will make mistakes but he has to learn and yes he will proberly learn the hard way,and u can talk to him till your blue in the face but it will not do u any good, so take my advice try it ,

Christine - posted on 06/09/2010

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It depends on why he is doing this. It may just be a novelty. There are certain questions that need asking, such as 'is he in with a group that drinks a lot? Is he troubled in any way?'
Sometimes young people drink a lot because they think their problems will go away. So wrong! Is he actually getting drunk?

When it comes to mums worrying about their children, there is no cut-off age. All the best to you and your son.

Cheryl - posted on 06/08/2010

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absollutely normal...can we do more then worry not really..maybe move it down to concern but they are always our children

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