Do we ever stop worrying about our children?

Cheryl - posted on 05/29/2010 ( 172 moms have responded )

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Hi there. My son has just turned 18 this week and has been buying beer, vodka etc everyday.........I am really worrying about this as I dont drink. Is this just a novelty for him to buy it and will it wear off i wonder.
I know he is 18 and should now be able to live his own life, but I can help but worry and possibly interfere.
Is this normal?

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Robin - posted on 06/09/2010

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First of all your the Parent , Secondly it's illeagal in my State(check your Laws) Thirdly he is living in your house MAKE him abide by your rules !!! Now ,No it is not normal it might be a novelty but you are not talking to him to find out so talk to him and if he says Mind your own Beeswax ,Tell him of your concerns and you want him to have a wonderful life not one that will lead to all kinds of health problems and mental problems...You want him to Be a great Man and alcahol can lead to bad decision making, and bad decision making can lead to legal problems or his or someone else's death... It is serious and you be a good Mom and stick to your guns!!! TOUGH LOVE !!!!

Janita - posted on 06/09/2010

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YEP!! its normal!! he is just experimenting,because he is 18, if he is a good kid, dont worry, he will get over it fairly quick!,And ur a mum, we never stop worrying about our kids, its normal, once a mum, always a mum!

Louise - posted on 06/09/2010

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yes it is very normal , i have 3 boys the eldest has just turned 21, the middle son is 17, its hard to let go of your children and trust me when i say u never stop worrying about them, he will try u and even feel like he is using u at times and yes u will get stressed to the max, if he is old enough to drink well hes old enough to move out, if he still lives with u , make some boundrys, u tell him even thou he is 18 this is my house u will live by my rules , and if he doesnt like it let him move out , it hurt me for the first time to but now i relized that u cant wrap them up in cotton wool they have there own lives to love let them live it, yes he will make mistakes but he has to learn and yes he will proberly learn the hard way,and u can talk to him till your blue in the face but it will not do u any good, so take my advice try it ,

Christine - posted on 06/09/2010

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It depends on why he is doing this. It may just be a novelty. There are certain questions that need asking, such as 'is he in with a group that drinks a lot? Is he troubled in any way?'
Sometimes young people drink a lot because they think their problems will go away. So wrong! Is he actually getting drunk?

When it comes to mums worrying about their children, there is no cut-off age. All the best to you and your son.

Cheryl - posted on 06/08/2010

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absollutely normal...can we do more then worry not really..maybe move it down to concern but they are always our children

Brenda - posted on 06/08/2010

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Of course it's normal to worry he'll always be your son and we always worry to a point about our kids ".forever "Talk to your son let him know your worried.It is a hard age and its all new and cool right now all you can do is talk to him and pray he'll be smart and make the right choices.It does usually blow over.

Berina - posted on 06/08/2010

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First of all, explain to him the danger of drinking, etc. Get him to understand the effects and how it is affecting you. Negotiate with him that he can drink when he is over 21 years old and then he will be responsible for his drinking, etc. Give him limited allowance at this point and he will not have money to buy those extras. My son is 23 years old and he fully understands the consequences. He does not drink, go to pub nor go for night outings. Be firm and talk (not yell/nag) to your son more

Gloria - posted on 06/08/2010

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yes it nomal my children are 36,29, 24, 23, and i still worry about them thats just what mothers do and just pray that he stops the drink or at least slow down before something happens

[deleted account]

If he lives in your home you most certainly do have the right and duty to intervein. If he doesn't live with you then there isn't much you can do.

Karen - posted on 06/08/2010

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I would worry. In my state you have to be 21 to buy alcoholic beverages. Tell him your concerns. He may scoff at your concerns, but I think you should say something. You are still his Mom and he may not appreciate your concern, but you should at least go on the record and say something. When he's more mature and doesn't think that you don't know anything he will hopefully appreciate you saying something.

Valerie - posted on 06/08/2010

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Worry, moms never stop worrying. If they want alcohol they will find a way to get it. You have to give them the knowledge and let them know the consequences. You have to let them make their own responsible choices. They have to learn lessons on their own. My son drank off and on from the age of 18, when he hit his legal age of 21, he went to many parties, but was always responsible. If the young men were at my house drinking they had to give me their car keys and most of them spent the night. Only one of 15 has had a real problem and just received a DUI. He is learning the hard way at 24 what his choice and irresponsibility has done to his life-- suspended license, no car, no freedom, community service, lots debt and even jail time. Hang in there moms; our children are lucky if you care enough to post and even ask this question. There are so many children who have no one who cares about them. All my sons friends are my adoptive children, male or female. Everyone makes mistakes- to error is human - me must accept and point them in the right direction and never ever give up on them!!!

Mary - posted on 06/08/2010

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One word----NEVER! I have three that are "considered" adults (17, 19, & 27-married) and I still worry. I am 56 and MY mother stills worries about me.

Adeline - posted on 06/08/2010

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my daughter diana lives in ca, she is 29 and has 2 children, i worry about her all the time. but its great that we talk on facebook and web cam, and she just got a phone we talk. you never stop worring, take it from me

Teresa - posted on 06/08/2010

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I asked my dad a few years ago when you stop worrying about your children. He paused, looked at me and asked how old I was. I was 50 at the time. He turned back to look out the window and said very seriously. "I'll let you know."
You never stop. :) Be informed, read, investigate and guide with a loving hand.

Aisha - posted on 06/08/2010

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well i am a mother of21 year old and eighteen year old boy.boys mature later but u have to keep on telling them their responsibilities to even 21 year old with so much going outside i think its normal for us to keep a check on them otherwise they will go with the gang and should continue what they can do and what they cannot as they live with us and we r responsible.

Rose - posted on 06/08/2010

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Hi Cheryl-my son is 22 and he is in jail! I am going to his probation violation hearing this afternoon. I am of the mindset that once a mom always a mom, you carried him for 9 months and gave birth to him so no matter how old he is, you will always love him and be worried about him.

Michelle - posted on 06/08/2010

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Hey everyone. You never stop worrying about your kids. We have 2 daughters both out on their own. The youngest has just left a very bad relationship. It is very hard on us because we live in Germany an she is in the states. To make a long story short the police had to be there so she could pack their stuff and escort her and her baby daughter to safety, because of her boyfriends temper she lives in fear of what he will do to her. So no you never stop worrying about your children no matter how old they are.

Penny - posted on 06/08/2010

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My boys are adults, ages 26 and 23, and of course I still worry - comes with being a Mom. As far as the drinking, when they turn that "magic age" to be able to buy alcohol and drink, they do want to experiment. My advice is to let him drink at home, because they are going to drink and experiment with that feeling, and at least you will know he is not drinking and driving. And I always told my boys, call me at any time of the night if you have been drinking, and I will pick you up. You don't have to approve of the drinking, but my first concern as a mother was to make sure they were safe.

Brenda - posted on 06/08/2010

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I think you never stop worrying about your children. My son just turned 24 and I still worry about him. When he was 18 he made a lot of bad mistakes in his life. 18 is a bad age. I do have good news they do mature by 20 he was much better. I went through two bad years but things do get better with prayer.

Patricia - posted on 06/07/2010

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We mothers accepted our motherhood the day we discovered we were pregnant. What we didn't bargain for was the worrying that visibly comes with the territory and what we have been doing since our children were born. Thank God for His Word that clearly instructs us that if we lack wisdom, we are to pray and ask Him for the wisdom and He promised He'd give it to us liberally...well, my son is now 31 and I just realized that the best thing I could for him is to back off and let God be God in his life. I am and will always be Mommie...but at some point, we have to allow them to go the school of hard knocks and just believe that God is not going to allow them to be destroyed. As praying mothers, we have a definite power of persuasion, in that we can pray for God to move by His Spirit on behalf of our wayward children. Be encouraged...Everything's gonna be alright!!!!

Chris - posted on 06/07/2010

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First of all, I thought the drinking age was 21 throughout the U.S. If I'm wrong and there are some states that let you drink I would like to know about it.
My daughter was a straight A student through high school and I believed her when she said she wasn't drinking. I figured she had tried some but not a lot. Then she got a DUI at the age of 17. She learned her lesson about drinking and driving, but continued to drink. She went to Ohio State and again graduated as a straight A student while partying a lot. She is now going on to Grad school, and at the age of 22 is starting to slow down. I have three girls and she's the oldest. I worry about all of them and I don't think you ever stop.
You just do the best that you can and let him live his life. Good luck because I know how hard it is to trust them to do the right thing. Have faith.

Lisa - posted on 06/07/2010

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I think its normal for all kids to stretch their wings but buying alcohol when your not of age is wrong. As a parent you will always worry about your kids. I am 43 and I have a brother and sister, 50 and 46 respectively, and our mom still worries about us.

Nancy - posted on 06/07/2010

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You don't quit worrying about them. Never. My kids are mostly in their 20's and I still worry about them.

Pam - posted on 06/06/2010

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OK I'm 52 mother of 3 9 grandkids I have a different out look on kids then most. My son is 29 he is a father of 3 married good job But he went through his years of trial an error I can't tell you whats best for your son I can only tell you my son tells me ever night he loves me when he has a problem he shares it with me NOT because he is a momma's boy But because we talk like friends if you dont stay involed in your sons life you will be shut out I feel it is better to walk beside him through his bad times . I have busted into my sons house when he was having parties with all his friends there and I have told him about his self but I have pick my battles with him careful If your son is mature and not abusing drinking it is better you know and that he knows he can call you for that back up ride and not hear about it . What Im saying is it is better to be his friend through the bad times of his life so you are the one to guide him . The whole age issue is just a # he is old enough to go to war and carry a gun to kill some one but not drink a beer before he does 21 or 18 what makes the differance Be his Mother while being his Mom he wont shut you out the moms that say there kids dont try "stuff" are the Mtothers that have been shut out and don't know whats going on !

Betty - posted on 06/06/2010

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YES , THIS IS NORMAL FOR US MOMS, OUR CHILDREN WILL ALWAYS BE A WORRY TO US NO MATTER WHAT AGE. MY OLDEST JUST TURNED 28 YRS OLD, MY OTHER SON JUST TURNED 25 YRS OLD, THE YOUNGEST OF 3 BOYS WILL BE 23 YRS OLD ON JUNE 8TH & LAST BUT NOT LEAST MY DAUGHTER IS 19 YRS OLD. BUT I HAPPEN TO WORRY MORE FOR THE BOYZ EVEN IF THEY LIVE APART FROM HOME. I ALSO WORRY BOUT MY DAUGHTER CAUSE SHE ALSO LIVES AWAY FROM HOME. THERE IS ALWAYS ONE REASON OR ANOTHER TO WORRY ABOUT THEM, ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY DRINK,HANG IN THERE CHERYL

Barb - posted on 06/06/2010

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I have 4 boys 24, 22, 20 and 5 and if my sons ever were buying beer and vodka everyday I would immediately step in. #1 is it just for him??? #2 alcohol kills more kids at that age than anything and #3 if he's drinking everyday you should take him to AA now and not wait. Some kids cannot control their alcohol intake and it is a disease and you as his Mom have to step in immediately!!!

Kristi - posted on 06/06/2010

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ABSOLUTLELY! I am a mother of a 16 yr old girl and a 11 yr old boy and I think I always worry to some extent. I do believe that its just a natural maternal instinct

Brenda - posted on 06/06/2010

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No you never stop. I have a 26yr old man, 19 yr old boy. 7yr old. and a 5 yr old grandson. You still try ti give them direction from what you have learned growing up becomeing a mother. I have learned that no matter how much you tell them, warn them or direct them even love them. They keep it in the far back of their brain that have not fully developed yet. They still have to make their own mistakes and learn from them to make their own mental notes. The plus to this is we as mothers just need to guide our children thru the word of God and when our children make their mistakes called lessons learned. Since we have already directed them we do not even have to say "I told you so" Cause they know. When they are older they will tell you ya I remember Mom. But it will come from Love not anger. Gotta Love'em

[deleted account]

I am not sure where you are but drinking here in us is illegal until 21. If you live at home, and pay his insurance etc and he is doing something illegal it is more than just a 'worrying'

Karen - posted on 06/06/2010

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Hi. Our drinking age is actually 21 here but I know that kids will find a way if they really want to get something. There is always an unscrupulous adult who will go in and buy it or a friend who is old enough to buy and share. My sons are 22 and 20 and I know that the oldest drinks sometimes with friends but he says he doesn't have more than one or 2 if he is out somewhere and then switches to coke or water. The younger son is looking forward to 21 so that he and his friends can go out but they already have a plan for safety. I keep telling both of them that just because you can do something it doesn't mean you have to. No law that says you MUST drink at 21. I know my younger son has a friend that already has a drinking problem at age 20 and it has opened his eyes to the potentials for disaster. He has take the step to help her get away from it and has become the watchdog to make sure older college students or their over 21 friends DO NOT bring alcohol to her apartment. He loves this girl like a sister and does not want to see anything happen to her. Hopefully, this will transfer to him avoiding booze except for that first age 21 and able to party now mentality. My daughter is only 12 and is very involved in martial arts so hopefully she will stay clear of it completely.
God knows I always worry, I see an accident in an area that my kids may be in and I call or text to check on them. I don't know how I'll stand it when and if they move off to another state after college.

[deleted account]

Years ago, I read a story that has stuck with me. Here is my version....

A group of women were sitting around, enjoying each other's company. As often happens, the topic turned to children. The young woman sitting on the sofa, was heavily pregnant. Clumsily adjusting her position, trying to find comfort, she said, "I can't wait until this baby is born. Foot in my ribs, kicks to my bladder, heartburn, no feet in sight... I am just so tired. I just hope he is okay."

"If you think that is bad, you wait until he IS born," said the young woman with the newborn snuggling into her shoulder. "Early morning, sore breasts, constant worry over every little sneeze or sniffle. I even worry if her poop changes colors..."

"I know, I know," said the next. "but WE are walking now, and he is in to EVERYTHING! I can't take my eyes off of him for a minute!"

The story continues, each mother recounting the concerns of their child's age and stage. Kindergarten, grade school, middle school, high school, college.... on and on..... expressing the fears and mysteries of parenthood and child rearing.

One woman, the oldest of the bunch, sat quietly in the corner, rocking and listening....Finally, as the chatter was waning, she said, "You think THAT'S bad....... wait until they are 50!"

So, YES, the worry is normal and continues for all of their (and YOUR) lives. The trick is to allow them to make their own lives, mistakes and triumphs alike, with YOU as the safety net. We all learned our OWN lessons and the harder ones were of more value than the easy ones.

April - posted on 06/05/2010

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It is normal for them to start testing the boundaries of their "adult" life, my questions are: what is the legal drinking age in your state, and does your son still live at home? The first answer represents legal responsibility, but the second reflects on what your expectations are regarding house rules and appropriate behavior. Certainly, if he is living with you and semi-dependent on your support, you maintain the privilege of setting boundaries, regardless of his age.

Charlotte - posted on 06/05/2010

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I still worry about my grown kids they have never given me any problems But I still worry and the oldest is 28

[deleted account]

You never stop worrying about your children, no matter what age. My children are 34, 31, and 26 and I am NOT an overbearing worrier with my adult children, but my thoughts are always with their health and safety. Your 18 yr old son is considered an adult in some ways, but is still underage to drink legally (and yes, I do realize that they will drink no matter-I have three sons who all tried drinking at this age), so I'm not judging or anything; but he is still a teenager,and especially if he is living under your roof you have a right to "interfere" some and let him know to be responsible when he does drink....and at 18 he is not allowed to buy alcohol himself-someone must be buying it for him.

Nancy - posted on 06/05/2010

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hello my son is 31 now. he turned out alright. he and us have had our share of problems. but we learn together. more learning then i ever wanted to know. theres always hope.never give up on them..love unconditionally.

Alision - posted on 06/05/2010

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Here the age is 21, sit down and have a heart to heart talk with him, don't lecture but let him know how you feel and your concerns, let him know that drinking and driving is not acceptable.Tell him that you love him and if he has been drinking to call you and you will come and get him no matter what time of the day. I had that talk with my son and he respected what I had to say and would do for him.

Cherry - posted on 06/05/2010

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We will never quit worrying about them,,but they have to grow up,,but i would let him know that i do not approve of it...just pray,,and pray.

Patricia - posted on 06/05/2010

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If he lives in your house still then by ALL MEANS INTERFERE!
My husband and I 4 children; although my oldest does like to drink, he/she knows that we will ABSOLUTELY NOT allow it in our house and he/she also knows that if she/he gets into trouble while drinking we will not bail her/him out of jail. We don't say a whole lot about it as at this point there has not been any legal trouble that has come from it but if you see any reckless behavior and you have other children living with you, DEFINITELY have a serious talk with your son and let him know that you will ABSOLUTELY NOT put up with anything like driving drunk, coming home drunk or storing any alcohol in your house. If you use alcohol yourself; put very strong boundaries to how much is too much.
Hope this helps
You and your family are on my heart and in my prayers.......

Ann - posted on 06/05/2010

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you never stop worrying about our children, no matter what their age, we just have to hope that we have done a good enough job when they were little, guide them throughout their life when they are growing up and getting older and let them politely know we don't approve, even when it's their choice and hope that's good enough.

CAROLYN - posted on 06/05/2010

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no it is called drug addition. where is he getting the money? My son is 50 years old and i just got him out of the hospital for yet another drinking and drug benge. You need to get help for your son now. You don't want toi be getting him out of jail or calling the police because he stole your car for drugs. God bless you. I hope he gets help

Anita - posted on 06/05/2010

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I am a recovering alcoholic and a mom and until I got sober 17 years ago ,my poor family worried .I am 54 . Please do not let him take your joy. Lay the law down in your home and if does not dollow your rules let him go out in the real world. I had not lived in my mother's home since 16 and I had the best parents, but my decisions caused worry. My son and daughter have given me worry but we as parents are POWERLESS over our grown children and the pain of life can leach them to grow in ways we could not. When the pain is great enough the teacher will appear and the student will be ready is a saying I heard that I have heard that rings true. I will keep him in prayer.

Emma - posted on 06/05/2010

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defiantly not!!! my son is 20 and hope to go to uni in Sept and I will worry about him. I suppose I have a little more reason to worry as I lost my daughter in 2007 to an asthma attack and my son has a severe nut allergy and carries adrenalin shots with him. He is going away next weekend for the first time without me and I will worry but I have to let him go so that he can get on with his life. As mums we are meant to worry lol x

Amy - posted on 06/05/2010

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I don't worry, but I do have concern. My children range from 16-26 years old. I learned a long time ago worry will eat away at you and we have to trust that God is in control, no matter what age our children are, where they are, and what they do. One of my boys is leaving this summer for the Army. I have to beleive that nothing is going to happen to him without God's permission. "Give all your worries to Him because He cares for you" 1 Peter 5:7

Mary - posted on 06/05/2010

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You never stop worring about your children, I have 23 yr. old boy's I still worry about them. But it is there life I found when I said anything they would do it more so now I just go with the flow and they seem to be less interested in doing things there not suppose to be doing. I am going to worry about them until the day I'm gone. They are my life and I hope I raised them up to be good men and know right from wrong. Good luck!

NightGypsy - posted on 06/05/2010

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We really never do stop worrying...about something or other. My oldest is 34, and I still worry...but yet, my Mom still worries about me :)

Brenda - posted on 06/05/2010

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Oh how I remember those days. I hated them. Most likely he is experimenting but it is NEVER too late to have THE talk with him. Let him know the dangers and the consequences he may face. That is pretty much all you can do. And PRAY without ceasing. Both my sons are now grown and drink occasionally and that is pretty much all us moms can hope for. Good luck and God Bless! Brenda from Alabama

Elizabeth Jane - posted on 06/05/2010

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iF SOMEONE ELSE,s drinking is bothering you, then you Have a problem. You could find the closes Al-Anon meeting in your area. All your solutions are there.Just remember this one little piece. You didnt cause this, you cant cure it and it is out of your control. However you will be able to cope with help! This is where u truely get to test your faith as a christian. God Bless

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