Do we ever stop worrying about our children?

Rosemarie - posted on 06/05/2010

Hi dear! Yess we'll never stop worrying about our children. We'll always be there to offer advice and guide them even when they are adults already. Interfering is only advisable when our children did something unlawful w/c would entail us to of course call for the authorities. But if our children wants their lives to be full of their vices, they'll get the consequences for that and has to learn. Find a good time to talk it out with our children the cause of our worry. You know, some issues are resolved when communicated/discussed in an amicable(non-confrontational) way. Try not to be hyper coz this would put the child in a defensive post and would not listen. And also, prayer helps, because the Almighty is always there to listen.
You take care.

Maureen - posted on 06/04/2010

Yes we still worry about them. My daughters are 25 & 22

Victoria - posted on 06/04/2010

I would be worried about any mom who didn't worry about what her teen is doing. We never stop being parents, and that means we never stop worrying. I say voice your concerns to your son, but don't try to control him. I remember being 18, and any attempt to control me just pushed me away. It was important to me to feel that my parents were in my corner, and would help me if and when I needed it, even if they objected to my choices and behavior. Have faith in the values you have instilled in your kids, and pray that some of if sticks. Best wishes.

Jewelyn - posted on 06/04/2010

Yes. You have a right to be worried. It is just like anybody worrying over a friend, but this is your child. Even though he is 18 he is still your child and you would not want him to do anything detrimental to his life. I would try to talk to him when he is not influenced or around friends and try to get him to open up and tell you why he is this way with the alcohol. He may already need further special help.

Linn - posted on 06/04/2010

I don't worry about them like I used to, but I truly have concerns at times. My children are 34, 30 and 27. It is hard to not be a "mother hen" when they call about problems. However, I do need to let them live their own lives. I put them on the altar of prayer and try to keep my hands out of it so that God can fully have them in His hands. So far it seems to be working pretty well. Don't get me wrong. Things are not always peachy keen, but they do make pretty wise decisions. I also love the fact that I am Mom to their friends at this age. I am truly blessed with a good husband, wonderful children and "adopted" children" and GREAT grand kids.

Denise - posted on 06/04/2010

My question to you is how is he able to buy beer at 18. Does he have a fake ID or is someone else buying for him. I think kids will drink under age at some time but I would be concerned that he is drinking daily. If I'm not mistaken the legal drinking age is still 21 and if caught he will get a Minor Consumption, DWI or worse kill himself or someone else while driving. I would definately have a long talk and let him know this is not acceptable behavior.

Brenda - posted on 06/04/2010

of course its normal to worry about you're kids .my mom is 85 and i am 54 and she still worries.you can offer you're advice to them ,but its up to the child whether to take it or not ,i have made lots of mistakes through my life ,but mom has always been there to listen when i needed someone ,and really thats all any of us can do ..and pray that they will wise up as they get older ,,just like we all had to...

Marilyn - posted on 06/04/2010

Years ago I was talking to a lady who was in her 80's. She told me she was feeling bad that day because her son, a diabetic, was having his leg amputated. Her son was 60. My children at the time were early teens. The worry never ends, only the details.

Sandy - posted on 06/04/2010

I know it is a cliche, but ask him "What would Jesus do?" Yes, we are free to do whatever we want to do, drink, smoke, get drunk, ignore the "mom voice", but really, if you have Christ living in you and you are listening to the spirit, then why would you want to do any of this? The world says it's just a phase and it's ok, no big deal. But it is a big deal, especially for believers, because my body is not my own anymore, it belongs to Christ and I need to take care of it.

Belinda - posted on 06/04/2010

I know for a fact that mothers never quit worrying. My mother passed at the wonderful age of 88 and she worried about me and my sibs up until the day she went home to be with the Lord. As the mother of a 24yr old mother, I constantly worry about my "baby" too. My grandkids are also included in the list of those I worry about. As far as I am concerned, a mother worries until the day she dies if she is any kind of a mother at all.

Ann - posted on 06/04/2010

Cheryl, This is a problem you should take seriously. It's more than
just rebellion, if he is buying booze on a daily basis. This is NOT
appropriate behavior for an 18-year old, no matter what he says.It's time to set some limits if he's going to live at home. And maybe he needs a new set of friends. There's not much you can do about that, but you do have the right to say what goes on in your on home, and you can't be worried that he might be offended. YOU are the parent, not he. Hope this helps. I'm retired as a community corrections counselor (disabled), and I saw many, many, 18-19 year olds, whose parents didn't react until they got in trouble- not too late then, but much more difficult to deal with- not that any of it will be easy.

You can't change his behavior. But you can change yours by setting secure limits as too what you can allow in your house. If he won't comply, or threatens to leave, you may need to call his bluff. I hope it doesn't come to that. He needs help. God Bless you. This in not a situation to ignore.

Kim - posted on 06/04/2010

Hi, my son will be 18 in October and just got his drivers license, first night he was out all night!!! Supposedly spent the night with a friend, but I could tell he had been driving around.
AT this age and with cell phones, it gets harder to know the friends they hang out with, and their parents. So I think you just have to watch for signs in your own child and deal with them as they arise. I also, now have a 15 year old that is learning to drive. You never stop worrying. That is just part of being a parent, even when they are 50. However, when they finally pull their lives together, it does ease off some.

Beth - posted on 06/04/2010

In a nutshell, absolutley! You'll know it when it happens!!!

Laurie - posted on 06/04/2010

You are totally normal!!!! Being a mom doesnt end because our kids are young adults, it just goes to a iffernt level, my kids are 24 and 25 and I still worry about them my son lives in NC and I call or talk to him at least once a week just seeing whats going on in his life to play catch up, when he tells me somethings i at times must bite my tounge, because he has his life and its not my place to interfear,BUT if I am worried about something I say it like this "eric what ever you are doing please be safe I know you will make the right decision, but you know how I am, and he goes yea i know mom its a mom thing" its all how u word it, as for your 18 yr old, how is he able to buy this acohol???? and could be a "FAZE" but it doesnt mean u have to accept it, he is in your house im guessing he has rules like we all do he is underage one, he shouldnt being drinking2, but reality is this kids need boundrys, and 18 they still do to unless hes working paying his own way on his owe thats different but as long as he is in your home he should respect your wishes, and i am sure there will be times he may drink but you let him know its not exceptable! if hes a driver you need to worry about drinking driving, what i did with mine was this i said i dont want you drinking , but promise me this if you ever get into a situation where drinking or anything eles is involved please call me dont get in a car with someone or your self driving out of fear of hidding the drinking from me CALL ME I will get you ok?? and that has always worked for us and to this day both my kids never get in a car with a drinker or do they drive, in college they drank alot did i like no! did i worry YES!!! but they lived away from home but it was known if u get in trouble because of the drinking like underage things like that you are on your own , i will not pay your fines or anything that comes with it, you are on your own. and honestly they didnt get in trouble well my daughter did her friend decided to run a bar from his dorm room and my daughter was the bartenter they got caught, everyone when asked were you drinking they said nooooooooo they closed it down sent everyone out, when my daughter was asked she said my mom all ways said lieing is wrong so officer yes i did drink and yes i am drunk and he said wrong answer missy she got a underage fined lost her driving license for 3 months and thank god didnt get thrown out of school! then as they took her from the room she asked can i get my tip jar? the cop said yes but u have to donated to MADD lol it funny now not at the time, but today she doesnt drink at all for her it was a faze, my son lived in a faturnity house and i know he drank alot and drinks on sat only now because of work and he just keeps it to one day a week, does he drink until hes falling down no, so you never know about the drinking there is a fine line there but they knew the boundrys and that was it, follow your gut it never lies, and be a parent to him not a friend in the end they will respect you for it, good luck:) Laurie

Jerri - posted on 06/04/2010

NO it is NOT normal, NOR IS IT LEGAL!!!!!!! You should be worried. Oh it might be the way of society but society's way will get people hurt and eventually killed. It's called tough love PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will pray that God finds a way to touch your son's heart!

Debie - posted on 06/04/2010

How true all these comments are. I have 4 grown children, 36, 33, 27 and 25 plus 7 grandchildren. It is funny tho that I basically worry the most about just one, my 27 year old daughter. She has made some poor decisions and is in a horrible relationship. She has 2 beautiful children and she is an excellent mom but financially and emotionally most of the time she is a wreck and living on the edge..I so worry about her. My other children lead fairly normal happy lives which makes it easier for me but my poor middle daughter..she basically has to help herself which is hard for a mother to just sit back and wait for it to happen. I just wrap them all in my love and pray that God will help me watch over them all.

Val - posted on 06/04/2010

You should be worried, my son was 19 and someone bought him a bottle of 151 rum and he got alcohol poisoning and was in a coma for a day. We almost lost him. Thank God his friends had enough sense to drive him to the hospital ,and got him there on time. My son has learned his lesson as far as I can tell, . My Heart goes out to you, I hope & pray your son will have a wake up call before something bad happens.. & Yes my son will be 23 and I still worry about the choices he makes. I have 3 girls as well but I have never had to worry about them like I do him. Good luck & I really hope maybe someone will help him to understand the road he is heading down.

Georgeann - posted on 06/04/2010

We never stop worring about our children. I have 4 children from 32 to 18 and I still worry about each one...it's just something a mother does...

Lyn - posted on 06/04/2010

yes it is normal i did it when my son was 18 and as still doing it and he is 20

Cheryl - posted on 06/04/2010

I agree totally with you Tracey.........I have found that if I keep nagging my son, it just annoys him and he does rebel.

I am now taking the more softer option and saying things like 'i know you are not silly and will not let me down'

It is just a shame that his dad can not take the softer option too instead of going in with a fighting attitude from the beginning!!

Tracey - posted on 06/04/2010

my daughter is turning 18 i8n a few weeks and i am worrying about the same thing, she has a good head on her shoulders but i am worried she will be influenced by her friends. I think all we can do is to be there for our kids I think if you keep on at them they will rebel against us .

Cheryl - posted on 06/03/2010

Thank you to you all for your comments, advise and reassuring words.
I am pleased to admit that after a conversation with him he has realised that he can not afford to be buying drink all the time!!....I think it was just as one of you suggested that it was just a fad with him only just being 18 and being able to buy it legally!
He now has a car (which he purchased with money from his grandparents)........so he now has something else to spend his money on.
BUT it now gives me something else to worry about.............lol

Hilary - posted on 06/03/2010

We never stop worrying, my mother used to say that even though her youngest was in her 40's and eldest in his 50's. But I would be worryin if my 27 year old was buying alcohol every day - that should not be happening - my son grew up knowing about alcohol (I remember giving him watered down wine from a young age) now he doesn't bother to drink much at all - he's much more interested in his car - and has been since getting his licence at 17. Find someone to talk with him if he won't talk to you.

Christine - posted on 06/03/2010

You have every reason to worry. My twins will be 23 in two months and I still worry about them. My son is legal enough to buy liquor but just because someone is old enough does not mean they are ready. I worry about my son due to the fact alcoholism is very prominent in my family and I don't want my son to become an alcoholic like many of my family members.

June - posted on 06/03/2010

Whoever is selling beer,vodka to a "18" year old, should be closed down. Last time I checked, the legal age is 21.
Is it different in your state?

Nadine - posted on 06/03/2010

Hi I am a mother with 4 daughters ages 30,28,25,17.5. You never stop worrying about them but there isnt much you can do to control them, most times i have been there to pick up the pieces when things go bad but no matter what i say or do, they do what they want. Its perfectly normal to worry but i would have a talk about drinking and driving. Im sorry to say you cant be there 24/7 anymore when they turn 18,i know this, ive been there nadine

Tabitha - posted on 06/03/2010

My son went to rehab and one of the things we learned is that we have to let our children experience the consequences of their behavior (good or bad). Needless to say, the first time he went to jail was his last. I think it's hard for us as parents to let our children go and experience life. We don't want them to suffer. We need to raise them to the best of our abilities and let them know that we love them. We can help them by talking to them about the choices they make but, we don't want to enable them by bailing them out if there's a problem. My son is 23 now, and seems to have made it. He now has a steady job, quit drinking and drugs, and has enrolled in college. He also has his own place.

Stephanie - posted on 06/03/2010

Hi! Cheryl,
I'm a mom of 5-ages 27-35 (years not months! LOL!) And yes, it is "normal" for you to be worry. I'm guessing it is legal for him to buy the alcohol (in the US you have to be 21, Our 29 yr old son had a drinking/drug problem for several years...and I worried and prayed. I must say, the praying did more than the worrying! He's drug free and his alcohol consumption is all but nil. And, I'm sure I speak for many other mom's...you never "age out" of being concerned for your kids. You just learn when to "speak" and when to be quiet and pray...sometimes I succeed, sometimes I don't in that respect! And, I'll tell you what MY mom told me a couple of weeks ago, "You're still my baby and I always want what is best for you!" I'm 52 1/2! :) Hang in there Mom...and do what you feel is best for your son!

Lois - posted on 06/03/2010

My son is 27 and buys beer sometimes especially because his father has always liked to drink. I don't mind it as long as he drinks at home and doesn't drink alot. Bible scripture says don't be deceived by drinking. Proverbs 20.

Sherrie - posted on 06/03/2010

yes this is normal. if you didnt worrie you wouldnt care

G-ma Kathy - posted on 06/03/2010

this could become very serious...there are a lot of graffic viedos on u-tube he should watch..also take him to an aa meeting..maybe?

Lola - posted on 06/03/2010

I HAVE BEEN TOLD THAT THERE IS A TIME THAT WE HAVE TO LET THEM GO. THERE HAS BEEN TIMES I HAVE EVEN HAD TO SAY "THINGS HAVE TO CHANGE OR YOU WILL HAVE TO LEAVE MY HOME. " BUT, IN THE LONG RUN THEY COME BACK BECAUSE THEY KNOW DEEP DOWN THAT MOM AND DAD WILL ALWAYS LOVE THEM AND BE THERE FOR THEM LIKE NO ONE ELSE OTHER THAN GOD.
I HAVE A SISTER THAT HAD TO DO THAT WITH ONE OF HER BOYS. HE WAS SO BAD INTO DRUGS THAT SHE HAD TO TELL HIM TO LEAVE AND HE WAS SO BAD THAT HE WAS ALMOST LIVING IN THE STREETS. HE FINALLY WOKE UP ONE DAY AND CALLED HIS MOM AND ASKED FOR HER HELP. HE IS STILL VERY HARD HEADED BUT, HE ALSO KNOWS THAT MOM IS THERE FOR HIM AND WILL NOT LIE TO HIM ABOUT ANYTHING. HE CAN COUNT ON HER AND HE KNOWS IT. AND IF FOR SOME REASON SHE DOES NOT HELP HIM IT IS BECAUSE THERE IS A GOOD REASON AND SHE WILL EXPLAIN IT SO HIM.

Lola - posted on 06/03/2010

SWEETIE, I STILL WORRY ABOUT ALL OF MY GIRLS (5). MY OLDEST IS 28 AND THE YOUNGEST IS NOW 21. THE WORRY NEVER GOES AWAY. I THINK THAT IS WHAT HELPS US TO BE GOOD LOVING PARENTS. I DO UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH WITH YOUR 18 YEAR SON AND THE DRINKING. I HAVE A 25 AND A 22 OLD THAT LOVES TO DRINK AND MY 28 YEAR OLD DOES TO BUT, SHE IS MORE CAREFUL ON HOW SHE DRINKS AND THINGS LIKE THAT. THE 25 YEAR OLD ( I PRAY) HAS LEARNED HER LESSON AFTER TAKING HER CAR INTO A TREE AND TOTALING OUT THE CAR. THANK GOD SHE WAS NOT HURT. AND THEN WE HAVE THE 22 YEAR OLD. SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND AND THEY BOTH LIVE WITH HIS MOTHER AND THEY ALL LIKE TO DRINK. SHE CLAIMS THAT THEY DO NOT DRINK THAT MUCH BUT, I AM NOT SURE. I JUST KNOW HOW SHE IS WHEN SHE IS DRINKING. I WORRY ABOUT ALL 5 OF MY GIRLS. THAT WILL NEVER STOP. MY GIRLS TELL ME THAT I GET INTO THEIR BUSINESS TO MUCH. AND THEY ARE RIGHT BUT, LIKE I TELL THEM, I LOVE YOU AND CARE WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU AND MY GRAND CHILDREN. IF THERE IS SOMETHING THAT I CAN DO OR SAY TO STOP THEM FROM MAKING THEY SAME MISTAKES I DID OR SOMETHING WORSE THEN I WILL GET INTO THEIR BUSINESS EVERY TIME. YES THEY GET VERY MAD AT ME FOR THAT. I CAN ONLY PRAY THAT ONE DAY THEY WILL UNDERSTAND WHY I DO OR DID THE THINGS I DID. 3 OF MY GIRLS HAVE CHILDREN OF THEIR OWN. I PRAY THAT THEY WILL BE THERE AND HELP THEIR CHILDREN THE SAME WAY. I AM NOT A PERFECT MOM. NO EVER IS. WE ALL MAKE MANY MISTAKES ALONG THE WAY. I JUST PRAY THAT I MAKE LESS MISTAKES AS EACH DAY GOES BY. GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR SON. MAY GOD WATCH OVER HIM AND KEEP HIM SAFE.

Freespirit92665 - posted on 06/03/2010

I worry cause my children have alchoholizm on both sides (im not a drinker) but most my family are. I dont shelter my kids they need to learn the damage it does.

Joy - posted on 06/03/2010

Its very normal to worry about them but they will do what they want..you will worry about them forever....and they know it.

Freespirit92665 - posted on 06/03/2010

No matter how old our children get we will never stop worring however figuring out how far our emotions go is up to us. If we worry about our child at age 16 no that we have to worry on that level or they wont grow to that stage.

Susan - posted on 06/03/2010

Drinking every day is not the qualifier for having a possible drinking problem (just my opinion); as you said you work in a bar and you see so many young people drinking way too much. Binge drinking, drinking in secrecy, etc. all are or could be substance abuse issues. Daily drinking for a non-alcoholic person would be 1 glass of wine; for an alcoholic, make that 100 glasses; I just don't see that the frequency of drinking is an adequate "definition" for this hideous disease.

Susan - posted on 06/03/2010

As a mother of 3 (24, 21 &16) whose oldest 2 drink too; I have after a while learned how to let go. Drinking is NOT ALLOWED if you are under 21 (in TX anyway) and to OK it or turn a blind eye to it is calling it "enabling". I speak from experience, trust me on that. If my child chooses to drink/drug, etc. while living at home he/she has to move out. Otherwise I'm saying it's ok without words. I don't worry about my kids or very much in life for that matter, anymore. I don't know what is going to happen in the next 5 seconds much less 5 years from now and my "kids" are not kids anymore; they are young adults. If something happens, I'll deal with it but I refuse, absolutely refuse to go crazy worrying about things that may or may not happen. They have to take responsibility for their actions just as I've had to do myself. Seek counseling, especially if alcoholism or addiction is in your (and his) gene pool. Al Anon is a life saver for the family of someone who drinks/drugs. They have walked in your shoes and can give you such excellent copping skills. Best thing? Other than learning to live a life that you never thought possible; FREE! By the way, my almost 21 year old son who drinks....moving out end of July due to drinking. I swear, IGNORANCE is bliss! :)

Deborah - posted on 06/03/2010

You have done your best and the worry never goes away.Have three grown kids between 28 and 35 years old.I'v been blessed with a OB-RN and a AssitentPaster and the middle one is in a lost world.
He started out as your 18 year old,but the other 2 went through the same phase,but turned their lives around.

Kathy - posted on 06/03/2010

No, you never stop worrying! My girls are 29, 25 and 23 and I STILL worry!

Teri - posted on 06/03/2010

My daughter did that as well as most kids do, they want to experience! It is not illegal to allow you child to "experience" the effects of alcohol, as long as they are not intoxicated. She is now 20 & really has not desire to drink. I remember drinking in high school, underage, it happens. I look back now & think what if I had drank too much without a parent present, some kids find humor in a drunk when they also are. Tell your son if he is going to drink do it in front of you so you can be in control, when he is not in front of you, you have NO CONTROL! And above all...keep lines of communication open!!! Show him Trust & respect, & hope you receive it in return!

Suzanne - posted on 06/03/2010

No,No,No,step in now,or you"ll be crying when ither he kills himself,someone else or both,Or needs to go to rehab,hes much to young to be drinking that much hes obviously been doing it longer than you think.We as parents want to trust our kids and believe them,but the truth is they've been doing things alot longer than we thought.Please step in your his mom you care,save him now and monitor his drinking.Hes stil a child.Let him know how much you love him and care about him.It worked for me everytime my daughter was asked to do some drug,she thought about me,and what i would think,and it worked.So give it a try.And good luck.

Karen - posted on 06/02/2010

thats why children should be introduced to alcohol from a youngish age like they do on the continent -red wine watered down. they dont treat it as a novelty, learn to understand the effects it has on the body and dont die 'binge drinking'
try getting him to drink when you are around, keep a note of how much he drinks and work out between you what amount he can take before he ends up with his head down the toilet. this way he can drink with mates but know when to stop and be responsible - its not ideal but it might help.x

Lisa - posted on 06/02/2010

Cheryl,
one day my son told me, "Why didn't you discipline me?" He lost out on because I thought he would learn on his own mistakes. He said, "you should have interefered, then I would not have gone through so much pain, or given you grief.

Yes, by the grace of God my son grew up to be a awesome dad and husband; but I could have spared him from so many wrong choices if only I would have interefered. It says in the Bible, "Do not take part in your child's ruin, discipline your child and when he grows up he will thank you. Read Proverbs and trust in the Lord with your children.

Pat - posted on 06/02/2010

yes its normal you will always worry.you think when they get older your worries are over but their not you will always worry no matter what their doing right or wrong.try not to worry so much he can grow out of this it might take a long time maybe not you never know they all try it.nice talking to you.

Kim - posted on 06/02/2010

My name is Kim, and yes this seems to be the cool thing for them at tyhis age. Just keep an eye open! My son is 22 and out with a family of his own. He is doing just great, but i keep in constant contact and visit a lot. We will worry about them until the day we die. Stay involved in his life but dont crowd him.

Lois - posted on 06/02/2010

well,since you don't drink,and he is drinking I can see where you would be conserned.It could be that not ALL the stuff that he is buying is for HIM. If he is buying it for other underage freinds he could be in big trouble if any of them have a car wreck after drinking what HE bought.If he is living with you ,it could cost you damages.I would be worryied,about any big change like this,and talking to him about responsibility-if you drink don't drive,don't let your friends drive drunk,and how drinking is effecting the rest of his life (is he missing classes or work,are his freinds changing,only keeping the ones who do drink?)Sitting and worrying won't help,saying this is what is worrying me,and why,might.

Susan - posted on 06/02/2010

my son who was born in 1975 got angry at me because he was working nights getting off around 2 in the morning, and he was mad because I woke up about 4:30 and he still was not home. His work was about an hour away so I got calling the police to see if there had been any accidents on the road from his work to home. He never called to say "I'm stopped at the local all night store to talk to friends." I told him that as long as he was in my house and my son, I would be concerned about his well being. Later he moved out and now I worry but since he has distinced himself from us all i can do is pray for him.

Erika - posted on 06/02/2010

Hi Cheryl,
I know from experience that you can not prevent them from drinking. You should guide him and to educate him on drinking, like what kind of alcohol gives what kind of result, not to drink while he is driving and the damage that alcohol can cause in the brain of a person under 21 years old. The second thing is to make him understand that he owes you responsability : for all the years that you have been there for him, he owes it to you to take care of himself in the first place.
Give it a try, you never know.
PS.: you will find plenty about alcohol abuse and consequences through google.

Lynn - posted on 06/02/2010

NEVER!!!!! My oldest is 23 has a great job a good head on her shoulders, goes to school full time and works full time doesn't party and I still worry about her each and every day.... we are parents that is just what we do!!! Good luck!!!!!