Does anyone feel this way or is it just me?

Kathy - posted on 05/21/2009 ( 29 moms have responded )

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Hello moms out there. I am 42 yr old stay at home mom with a beautiful 2 1/2 yr baby girl who is my life.



But I feel like I am losing it sometimes with myself. I think I am begining that perimenapausal crap and I cant take it anymore. I am an emotional wreck - one minute I am so angry and the next sobbing like a baby. My insides feel like I am going to explode at times - like I want to scream at the top of my lungs! I have ZERO patience and get irritated at everyone and everything - ESPECIALLY myself. Oh I am my own worse enemy. Oh but the guilt that I carry when I feel impatient with my little girl - its terrible.



I REALLY do not want to take any drugs and counseling would be nice just to let it all out - but hubby works (randomly) and I dont have a babysitter to "schedule" any me time for stuff like that. Any holistic cures out there? SOMETHING that can put me at ease? I need more than a pep talk right now. I really dont like me anymore and want to find the person I use to be. I miss her. She was fun and carefree. More confident and relaxed. I need help please. Thank you!



Sad Kathy

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Susie - posted on 05/25/2009

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I used to be angry and aggitated especially when I was pmsing. I know you said you didn't want to take drugs but my doctor put me on Zoloft and it was just enough to take the edge off. This may just be something you need to do until you get through the menapaus. Counseling will help but if you have a hormonal situation it won't be enough. It will probably help with the guilt and those issues but it may not take care of the anger and agitation. Good luck. I hope this helps

Ann Marie - posted on 05/25/2009

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Kathy, I have felt that way for years - constantly on a roller coaster, and trying to tiptoe around my own emotions so that I could make everyone else happy. I remembered that when my youngest boy was 2, I had begun running and I felt much better about myself. I would take him on walks with me, or on short runs, and the exercise released endorphins that just made me feel so much better. The benefit to this was that he loved being outside and spending time with mommy, and I felt better because I was more energetic.

Another thing you might take a look at are Mom's Day Out programs - or if you have a community recreation center, many of these have day care centers that allow you to leave your child for an hour so you can do a yoga class, or just to work out. Also, consider working with another mom in your area who might need a break also - perhaps you can schedule play dates where the kids play and moms talk, or you can trade sitting.

I totally know how you feel - I used to tell myself that I couldn't afford, and didn't have time for me, but the reality of it was that I felt guilty taking that "me" time, and I resented the fact that I had that guilt. Understand that you definitely deserve the me time, and it will benefit everyone in your family if Mom has some time to decompress.

Maureen - posted on 05/25/2009

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I just learned the Omega 3's are a natural way of increasing seratonin levels, which help fight against depression.

Tammie - posted on 05/24/2009

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Kathy,

Therapy does help.But also look into the menopause because it can make you feel crazy. You don't have to take drugs but I would find a doctor that understands what you need and make sure when they do the blood work and you get the results back that he or she does not say you are in the "normal range".Also read The wisdom of menopause by Christiane Northrup. Great info and explains a lot.

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Gail - posted on 07/05/2009

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Well Kathy, I hear what you are saying but somekind of way you need to figure out how to get some me time at least 2 times a month, being parents is a large enough jobbut you being a full time housewife, mother and a wife you need to hold onto to just a little of your identity please find a babysitter soon before you start to take your frustrations out on the family

Donna - posted on 07/05/2009

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Hi Kathy,
I am 42 with a two and a half year old as well. I work full time and am going to college full time also. I actually started menopause 7 years ago. I was told I couldn't have kids and ben was the best surprise! I felt like I was going to lose it at times also. For me, it was menopause, but it was also a lack of sleep. I do take medicine for menopause, it is what has worked best. St. John's wort isn't all that it's cracked up to be, especially if you have other things going on. I went to counseling also, and just took my son in with me. Perhaps you could schedule an appt. near his nap time. Also, be sure you are napping when your daughter is napping, that might help your irritable mood. Let me know if you would like to talk more.
Donna

Rhonda - posted on 07/05/2009

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Hi Sad Kathy
Think many of us have been in your shoes - I know I have. Some days I would run away if I could! A few months ago I started using herbal supplements - they have been a huge help for me. I do not like prescription drugs. So for me - it is B complex vitamins, St Johns wort - and Estroven (has black cohash). Instead of having a horrible week - it is a day or so and much more managable. I also track my PMS time to be more aware. I do this by counting when my next cycle is DUE - then count BACK 10 days. I mark those days on my calander. (Those days were the hardest for me) - I can trace almost every argument to that time!
Most importantly for me, I am a Christian and notice that I am most vulnerable to weaknesses of ALL SORTS when I do not spend time reading the Word and praying.

Linda - posted on 07/04/2009

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That was me! I was beginning to have hot flashes, and the night sweats got worse. I hadn't had a good nights sleep in over 6 months. I started feeling like you described, and when I started loosing my patience with my daughter I felt I had to do something! I didn't want to take drugs either. I found a doctor (chiropractor) who had me take a saliva test through the mail to check my hormone levels. My progesterone was almost nothing! I am now using the Arbonne Balancing Cream ($35 a tube that lasts 2 months). With the doctor's suggestion, I used the cream twice a day for a couple months because I was so low (instead of the once a day they suggest). I was amazed how after a week I felt so "normal." Now I actually sleep!! And sleep well!! I still sometimes can't believe that the cream works like that! So~~I would suggest getting your hormones checked and then balanced! I know there are expensive places, like the pharmacies that create the right balance for you (can't remember the name of those, I hate when that happens! ). Some day I hope to go that way and get the whole range of hormones checked, but for now, I just am thankful I can sleep, which changes everything!

Marie - posted on 07/04/2009

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Please try Lecithin!!!! I'm a 42 year old mom (7 yr old at home), and grandma of a 8 mos old, I found it very hard when I had my 7 yr old at 34, didn't bounce back like my 20's, Lecithin calms nerves, when your older having kids, you diminish sooo many vitamins, minerals, and you must replace!! also try a product called " Liquid kelp" from I believe "Ocean Wonders" Amazing stuff, it replaces all mineral salts in your body, Please try these, you will feel like a new women or yourself within a week!!! Please let me know, and your are not alone!!!! Look up Lecithin, you will find your answer, very good brain food!!

Vicki - posted on 07/03/2009

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Kathy

I feel your pain. Just wanted to give you one more suggestion. Try reading the book "Ageless" by Suzanne Summers. I know it is hard with a little one but just try. It is great and it wil make you feel like everything you are going through is very normal and there are solutions and treatments (natural hormones) that can even you out and make you feel like you did many years ago. I am in the beginning stages but it makes so much sense and she says it is normal to start it all in your 30's.

Penny - posted on 07/02/2009

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I'm not a holistic but I take midol to take the edge off it works for more then just menstral problems

Kathy - posted on 07/02/2009

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Hello girls,

First I just have to thank each and every one of you for replying to my post. The sad thing is I almost forgot I posted this. Thanks so much for all your advice. I truly appreciate it. Things are getting better and there are steps that I need to take to make it even more. It is really helpful though to know that we are not alone and that we all have an awesome place like this to come to and chat. Thanks again all of you!!!

Ruth - posted on 06/02/2009

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hi i am mum to 7 children eldest is 18 this month, then 16, 14, 12, 9, 8, and 16 months, you need time on your own, if your child is 21/2 you r entitled to free sessions at a kindergarden,use this time to go to a gym or just relax AN READ, i have worked 70 hours plus while bringing up my children but when i fell pregnant with Markus i refused to return to work, i missed my other children growin up, u should be enjoyin your baby not gettin stressed, hormones r a pain go to your chemist and ask advise on what to take to boost your system at 40 everything starts going haywire so its not easy to work out what to take sometimes just a good boost of everything can help fresh fruit is also good cut out red meat and alcohol,

Carol - posted on 06/01/2009

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Hi, I understand exactly what you're talking about....I am 43 now and about 5 years ago I talked to my doctor about the way I was feeling.....I was afraid to be with my own adopted child....I felt angy, depressed and like I could kill someone just for looking at me cross-eyed! I was at my wits end when I finally begged my doctor to help me...His response..."Has anyone ever told you that your thyroid levels are way off?" NO, never.....he put me on thyroid medication and I feel like a new person...problem seems to be solved! Good luck and don't stop looking for answers....

Karen - posted on 06/01/2009

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hi im karen im 42 and have 7 kids 5 live at home and it is hard. i dont have any time to myself but u have to take a steep back and put urself first take a nice bath do ur hair nails what ever for urself. or yr have a break down like i did go c ur doctor soon as babe he can advice u . you wont have to take tablets he can get u to c some one hope this helps u kaz

Joanna - posted on 05/31/2009

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Hi Kathy-
I'm a little behind in my emails, but I can relate to the balancing act...and the age. Hormones can do it to you - and so can kid challenges. Talk to a naturopathic dr. if you don't want the drugs, and I highly recommend a counselor. That third party verbalization of what we go through goes a long way.

Laura - posted on 05/31/2009

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Omg - you sound like i did and still do alot -i have 6 children and i swear after i had them for a couple of yrs i thought i was losing it - people think i am starting menapause early now - but i always felt i would get this way after i had my babies -for a couple years - my last one was the hardest and i think b/c i was almost 39 -

I will say it will get better - i took depression pills when i was younger after i had them but i did not with my last baby - it makes me feel bad also -try not to ...

The one thing that would help was to take a break - if you can -it is impossible for me but my husband really tries and when i do it sure helps.... I will go to the bookstore and take my time or whatever visit my mom and when i get back it seems i'm less stressed ... Or give her a nap and do something to relax yourself -but #1 - ask your doctor -there is no reason anyone has to suffer b/c i do know how you feel and it is hard and i always feel guilty for my kids and since i am home mostly with the little one - him... But i know how you feel , i used to be so carefree and all ,i sit and wonder if it is my age - lol -I will be 42 this July .........I really hope you feel better and don't feel alone ,anytime you want to chat i will ,i'm on here all the time -just go to my profile b/c i'm usually on the bookclub.....

Hope you feel better -it does get better ..............



Laura

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Quoting Shannon:

Hi Kathy. Have you ever checked into St.John's Wort, the herbal medicine that is for depression? I have never taken it but my girlfriend takes it? Just a thought as it is herbal and you can get it a health food store. If you are crying and angry all the time, you need to find the root of the problem. Does your husband have benefits where he works? Sometimes they have the free counselling you can do over the phone. Just a thought. Don't let yourself get so bad that you have a nervous breakdown and end up in hospital. That would not be good for your baby girl.



HI Kathy,



I see that someone has suggested St John's Wort for you, I only wanted to also say that I have nothing against taking it for your situation, I did for a while and also drunk some tea containing it as well. But you do need to be careful that you do not take it with certain other meds and herbs as it is one that can react with other items. I was warned about this and thought I would pass this on to you in case you or someone else reading this did not know.



I too have been through what you are going thru but not so much with a small child around. It was also suggested that you might try exercise,. well this was recently prescribed to me when I refused anti depressants as they seemed to make me feel worse.   Each day a good walk and do something for yourself. !!   Walking helped me get through my recent bad time, just be careful how you go and make sure u use good shoes as now I have a sore foot and miss my walking :(

Christine - posted on 05/30/2009

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sometimes i think you've just got to do whatever it takes to get by, medication, therapy, more medication....you can worry later about getting off of meds when things are a little more under conrol whether it is hormonal, mental, marital, just do whatever you need to do to keep functioning.

Marianne - posted on 05/25/2009

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You did not lose yourself. You gained a beautiful little girl! Have you looked into postpartum depression? It may be helpful to check into that! You are still you, you just need to find out why you feel so different.You not alone. Please be your own best advocate. Im sure when you get to the root of your problem the solutions may suprise you! Hang in their! The fact that you reconize there is a problem is the hardest part of getting back on track! Been there done that!

Robin - posted on 05/25/2009

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I have had a hysterectomy and am on hormone replacement therapy. I still get that way. Any little thing can tip me off, and sometimes I take it out on my kids. I think it is just getting older and we just can't take things like we used to. I have tried a lot of holistic stuff, and nothing seems to really help. Never get any me time either.

Christine - posted on 05/25/2009

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kathy---i lost it a long time ago---and feel horrible and guilty that i am so burned out. i think some of my kids feel cheated because i can't do the things with/for them that i did with some of the others. my patience is almost non-existent and they crying thing----almost every day, often several times a day!---and sometimes i don't even know why!!! i am actually going to an endocrinologist this week to try and see if there is something out of balance hormonally-----beyond what would be the normal changes for my age---i'm 46. for some reason i just don't think i should still be able to get milk out of one breast when my youngest child is 5 1/2 years old----i quit nursing when she was about 15 months old.

i can't tell you anything holistic---i take too many pharmaceuticals just to keep functioning---and i don't function very well,more often than not---or else i wake up crappy, get the meds in me, function mentally and physically for a few hours and then crash----can't even get through a whole day.

Wendy - posted on 05/24/2009

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try vitamin b6. i feel exactly the same and it helped me - its not a miracle drug but calms down the "linda blair" head spinning lol rememevr u are allowed to feel emotional up or down its not just about your daughter give your self some "you time"

Shannon - posted on 05/24/2009

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Hi Kathy. Have you ever checked into St.John's Wort, the herbal medicine that is for depression? I have never taken it but my girlfriend takes it? Just a thought as it is herbal and you can get it a health food store. If you are crying and angry all the time, you need to find the root of the problem. Does your husband have benefits where he works? Sometimes they have the free counselling you can do over the phone. Just a thought. Don't let yourself get so bad that you have a nervous breakdown and end up in hospital. That would not be good for your baby girl.

Diane - posted on 05/23/2009

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You absolutely have to make time for you!!! Do you have any friends in your area that would babysit while you go for counseling? Its very, very important. Your mental health can get you through all other issues; but do NOT put yourself on the back burner. We've all been there at one time or another; but have needed help of some kind. Talk to a counselor and ask for holistic approach suggestions. They should be able to help.

Tiffany - posted on 05/21/2009

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Kathy, I think that you have to give your emotional health the priority it's due. You say "counseling would be nice" but just as quickly dismiss it because of scheduling problems. If you'd injured yourself and needed to schedule physical therapy, you wouldn't just shrug it off as a nice idea, would you? Yet your mental/emotional health affects you and your family just as much as your physical health.

I know that when you're already feeling burdened and frustrated, sometimes adding one more thing to the mix seems impossible and like it's more effort than it's worth, but it's not really true. And you're worth the investment.

Maybe that means that you have to find a babysitter, maybe that you have to find a counseling center that has child care available, maybe that you need to drag along a 12-year-old niece to watch your child in the waiting room. Maybe it means odd scheduling, rescheduled appointments when your husband has to work unexpectedly, or that his schedule has to give a little bit to make it work. But don't let yourself (or your husband) look on taking care of yourself as something that "would be nice".

Kelly - posted on 05/21/2009

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Kathy

I feel like this at times also and i totally feel for you I also am a holistic person and have little time for myself with the baby I work full time and watch my baby write me and i will talk about some things I do to relax, get a grip on and work towards being me again ok? .......

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