Does my 2 yrs old grandson need medication or more attention from his Mommy?

Sharon - posted on 12/27/2009 ( 32 moms have responded )

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My 2yrs old grandson is like the Energizer bunny on steroids. He's always into something or doing something unless he's asleep. My daughter in law had a 4 yr old girl before she married my son. Now she has an 8 month old baby girl too. He is either fighting or hitting the girls. He poops when he's suppose to be taking a nap and takes his pull up off. Other times, he's the sweetest, huggable little boy you'd ever want. He's learning to talk and says almost anything. My daughter in law wants to take him to the dr. to be put on medication for ADHD. I say he just needs attention from Mommy. She wants kids who play alone without much supervision so she can sit or sleep on the couch. That's why she takes such a fit about running after him a lot. This is causing a family argument. She even deleted me off her Facebook. Help!!

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Carolyn - posted on 12/30/2009

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My son was diagnosed with ADHD at age 4 he is now 17 your grand son does not sound like he has ADHD a simple test my pediatrician told me to do was tell my son to sit on his hands and not move them my son lasted about a minute and a half kids with ADHD cannot sit still they have to be touching something and they have a habit of chewing on things butons shirt collars a good book to get is ADHD by dr christofer Green hope this helps you

Jan - posted on 12/29/2009

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Im a mum of ASD children and I use to get these comments from my parents and others who thought there was nothing wrong with our child so it must be the our fault, and if we just give him some more of our time. all he needs it love. I would recomend that the parent take the child to a pead to have him assessed just to make sure there is nothing underlying. Yes boys are more active but a mother knows when things are not right. this mother needs support not criticism. jan

[deleted account]

I would not put him on medication. But I do not like using any chemicals. I have found that most illnesses and conditions can be cured or greatly helped by nutrition. Cut out processed sugars, give him lots of veggies and fresh fruits. And yes, love and attention. :)

Joanne - posted on 12/29/2009

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A diagnosis can not be made until the ages 5-7. Putting a 2 year old on meds is cruel. Sounds like the poor kid is jealous & has a right to be. Probably needs more QT w/ mom or dad. Set aside time just for him & do projects or play. Include him in the daily routine as well, let him help out with some minor things. Running after the kids is in the job description. They didnt ask to be hear & do not come readily independent.

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Hi, my daughter and her children live with me (one boy one girl) and they are 10 months apart, almost like twins. But Marc...geeze...that boy has soooo much energy its unbelievable. I raised two girls and my sister has the two boys. Boys are wired that way, always on the go, wanting to do something, never stopping. Your daughter in law and son need to channel that energy into something that will be of constant interest to your grandson, whether it be reading or educational games, building blocks, race cars, etc....something that is easy and that he can do all the time. With my grandson its transformers. He will watch the movie and have his transformers out and act along with the movie..it encourages his imagination and teaches him how to play (without the movie). But it requires attention from both parents. Take care!

Beverly - posted on 01/06/2010

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hi sharon how u doing,its a difficult one i have two boys with adhd dyspraxia and autism its a hard job but i love em with all my heart,adhd starts at the age of 2 so its possible he has it,if hes pooping and taking his nappie off he may just be uncomfortable however if he smears it up the walls or anythen else hes very distressed,my son did it a lot no one wud liisten to me and he tried to hang himself at the age off 6 they listened then i threatened them with the media he slept 3 hours a night and had been excluded from school for a year people called me a bad parent but nothing was further from the truth im a very good mam, he could be feeling pushed out and doing anythen for attension,maby your daughter in law had post natal depression if shes lying around a lot and is tired im only guessing here of course as i dont know her but its a possibility feel free to chat to me if youd like too take care beverly

Christina - posted on 01/04/2010

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Shame on her. I am raising a two year old grandbaby and he is a handful to but he just wants attention, and he is the only child in my house. There is no one else to play with. Would they even medicate a 2 year old.

Sandy - posted on 01/04/2010

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She is probably stressed out and if you lived close and they would allow you, why don't offer to go over and spend time with the kids where she can do things if possible. I am sure that you she feels that you are judging her, what does your son say?

Bonnie - posted on 01/04/2010

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Quoting Carolyn:

My son was diagnosed with ADHD at age 4 he is now 17 your grand son does not sound like he has ADHD a simple test my pediatrician told me to do was tell my son to sit on his hands and not move them my son lasted about a minute and a half kids with ADHD cannot sit still they have to be touching something and they have a habit of chewing on things butons shirt collars a good book to get is ADHD by dr christofer Green hope this helps you



My son has chewed sooo many holes into his shirts.Now he chews his stylises from his DSi.I had to giggle when i read your post

Bonnie - posted on 01/04/2010

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Quoting Bonnie:

I am a 50 year old mother of a very beautiful 7 year old who has AD/HD.When he was a toddler he would not stop running around the coffee table non stop bouncing in his crib for hrs.Jump hit push other kids.And did not sleep well.When he started school we told the teacher that he was very active and she said she had taught for years.week 2 was the first phone call problems on the bus.He wouldn't stay still etc.then week 3 the teacher called to say that the school had brought someone in to watch him and suggested that he should see our Doctor.I Figured when he was little there was something not right.We have the best specialist in the city.Whom i might add has AD/HD .WE started him on medication and he is like any other kid now.He is doing great in school (grade 2 ) now has friends ( hard to make friends when your hitting pushing and not staying still.)Your grandson need to be seen by a AD/HD specialist.And may need to be put on meds.If he was a diabetic you would give him insulin.AD/HD is a chemical imbalance in the brain and needs medication to correct it.I just talked to a young pharmacist who told me he had AD/HD and wished he was medicated sooner .School was so hard for him growing up.And he was always getting into trouble.Being on medication is NOT A BAD THING. They will not medicate under age 5


 

Bonnie - posted on 01/04/2010

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I am a 50 year old mother of a very beautiful 7 year old who has AD/HD.When he was a toddler he would not stop running around the coffee table non stop bouncing in his crib for hrs.Jump hit push other kids.And did not sleep well.When he started school we told the teacher that he was very active and she said she had taught for years.week 2 was the first phone call problems on the bus.He wouldn't stay still etc.then week 3 the teacher called to say that the school had brought someone in to watch him and suggested that he should see our Doctor.I Figured when he was little there was something not right.We have the best specialist in the city.Whom i might add has AD/HD .WE started him on medication and he is like any other kid now.He is doing great in school (grade 2 ) now has friends ( hard to make friends when your hitting pushing and not staying still.)Your grandson need to be seen by a AD/HD specialist.And may need to be put on meds.If he was a diabetic you would give him insulin.AD/HD is a chemical imbalance in the brain and needs medication to correct it.I just talked to a young pharmacist who told me he had AD/HD and wished he was medicated sooner .School was so hard for him growing up.And he was always getting into trouble.Being on medication is NOT A BAD THING.But children under 5 can not be medicated

Tracey - posted on 01/03/2010

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When I read the heading I just knew that it was written by a mother-in-law rather than a mother. ''She wants kids who play alone without much supervision so she can sit or sleep on the couch''. Honestly, the poor woman is probably exhausted and doing the best that she can. Yes the 4 yr old is at school,but she still has a very active 2 yr old and an 8 mnth old to deal with. She may want to sit on the couch or sleep but I bet in reality it doesn't happen as much as she would like, or as her now pregnant body needs. I know that with my little people being born so close together that I talk about sleeping and sitting a lot, but it doesn't happen much. People who aren't really 'in the know' may get the impression that is all that I do, but I am just talking the talk where that is concerned, not walking the walk and actually resting much at all! Even sleep at night is a day dream, lol!!
All 2 yr olds are active and seek attention and it sounds like this one has a lot to compete with. Maybe in a supportive way encourage routine and structure, pointing out in a motherly, rather than mother-in-law way, that it is the route to an easier life. Much better in the long run than medication.
Finally, if you had been putting this kind of thing on facebook before she deleted you, I don't blame her. She has a lot to deal with, and eliminating your critisism takes away one thing that can be easily removed.
~Good luck

Lisa - posted on 01/03/2010

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Hi there. I too am a mom of a very active daughter. When she was 2, she often jumped from one activity to another each only lasting 15 min. or so. I just played right along with her never really thinking much about it. Until one day a friend was over with her 3 year old daughter. After observing my kiddo, she said mine was adhd because she was all over the place while hers was quietly doing the same thing for 30 min. or more. I said I doubt it, but I did ask her pediatrician later. He told me at 2 years old there was no way to determine is she was adhd or not. He told me to watch her when she was in a school setting and see if she was acting just like all the kids. If she was quiet when it was quiet time, etc. then she is okay. I call my girl "high maintenance" because she likes to be busy doing something all the time, but she is definitely not adhd. What we did find out in kindergarten was that she was extremely intelligent, and got bored with stuff after she had mastered it. The problem was she mastered everything very quickly, and was ready to move on even if no one else was. Difference between this instance and an adhd child is that my daughter sat quietly as she was told and waited for others to catch up. An adhd child couldnt' do that, they would be all over the place.My daughter is now in the 5th grade and doing wonderfully in school. Still likes to be going a million miles an hour, and doesn't like to sleep.....but has never been in trouble in school...a Catholic school at that. I hope it helps you to read this story. I think your grandson needs one on one time with mom or you. After all, he is now the middle child. Good luck.

[deleted account]

My son who is now 26, was diagnosed after the age of 5 with add/adhd/SED and Bipolar. From the day he was born, I was told by the nurse that I would have problems with him. His father is ADD/ADHD as am I. It is true that doctors will not put kids on meds until after 5 years. Diet is important, do not take all surgars out of their diet as many say, I was also told the color red food die contriubutes to their hyperness. Structure is VERY important as is follow through. When these children do not have structure, they tend to loose control of themselves and feel insecure which causes alot of behavioral problems. Time outs should be according to their age. 1 minute for 1 year and so fort, same spot should be designated and their time out should start when they are ready. I know this sounds hard, but in the end it pays. I have a 3 year old grandson who reminds me so much of my son, but I along with his parents started his time-outs early. He is at the age of testing now, and it is so very hard, but I support my kids as much as I can, and when I talk to my grandkids and my younger kids, I come down to their level so we can have eye contact. Try games and toys that are challenging for him keep him interested, but fun too. I found a rubix cube was like one of the best, and I bought my grandson a leapster and he stays enterained for hours with the learning games not so much the fun stuff. There are many things to try and websites and support groups to help you all. My family stayed away because they thought I had a bratt, and later realized I had a son who was special and needed to be handled slightly different then others. I hope you and your daughter-in-law can work things out, she really needs your support and anyone who is willing to help.

Peggy - posted on 01/03/2010

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You just need to back off. It is the hardest thing to do. You have to just hope they get a caring Dr. that will give a true check up and do what is best for the child not one that is a "prescriber" and I know many are. My godson went through the same thing when his mom got remarried and had two new children in a short period of time and it was just a phase and I just gave him major attention to make up for the upheaval and it finally did pass with out medication. I know it is so hard to sit on the sidelines but if you can spend time with the child it will help he needs you more than ever I just hope you live close enough to do that and bite your tongue till it bleeds to not comment and love, love, love the child.

Julie - posted on 01/02/2010

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He sounds like a normal 2 year old boy to me. Boys that age have lots of energy and they have testosterone surges from time to time that make them get hyper. Temper tantrums are normal at that age as well. I honestly don't think anything is wrong with him based on your description, but you could talk with his doctor. My advice would be to read the book "Boys and Girls Learn Differently" by Michael Gurian. I think you will see that he's just a normal 2 year old boy. Good luck!

Annette - posted on 01/01/2010

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My 7 yr old is like that...I thought he was sufferrign ADD or ADHD...A doctor told me it is a medical term for hyperactive...Anyway my 7 year old was exactly the same hitting scratching biting so I cut out cordial and he seemed to be a little different...Then my partnernoticed he got hyperactive and uncontrollable when he had certain foods...Anything with 621 or 635 or any flavour enhancer was making him worse...It is actually MSG...I have since taken the foods away that have flavour enhancers in them and I habe a different child...

Jeanette - posted on 01/01/2010

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Hi... I think I KNOW your grandson. Of course not your actual precious boy, but I had one just like him. Also as a kindergarten teacher I had MANY students with the same problems. One mistake I think many parents make is there willingness to put their children on medicine without really knowing the core issue. Statistics have shown that many children have food allergies. If your grandsons mood changes with no real reason. He just may need to be taken to your GP for an initial consultation. My nephew was recently diagnosed having an allergy to corn. Anything that contains corn, corn syrup, corn flour.... are like speed to him. If you have ever read the contents of most products they most all contain corn. now that he has his diet in check, he is a different little boy. He is four now and in pre-school. I know if he would NOT have had his corn allergy diagnosed his first school experience would have not been as positive as it now is. Luck to you and your grandson

Lynda - posted on 01/01/2010

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Humm.. my 11 year old son was diagnosed as having ADHD (and ODD which is worse) at the age of 5.. before that age it's almost impossible, even for a specialist, to say that a child has ADHD.. and no sensible doc is gonna give a 2 year old meds for ADHD!.. But it might be a good idea for mum to take him to the docs if only to expose herself to some medical scrutiny.. If I can remember back to play group days.. all 2 year olds are like the "Energizer bunny on steroids" (lovely image!).. Sounds like mum might need a little counseling support rather than the 2 year old.. I think you're doing a great job as a grandmum.. that's what you're there for.. but perhaps you might need to remember you are a MUM too, maybe your little girl needs some cuddles.. I'm 57.. a late starter, and my mum died when my son was 7.. I wish she was still around to stick her nose in - I would welcome it. As for Facebook.. think!.. be glad she is taking out her frustration via an online chat programme.. there are a lot worse places.. All the best.

[deleted account]

I am a mom of an ADHD child and I teach children with ADHD. Very few children neeeed medication. If he can sit to color or watch a movie that he is interested in, chances are that he does not need medication. A good routine, positive attention, and praise go a long way. Tell mom to set up a daily routine where each child gets alone time with her and your son. He will feel safe and calm when he knows what to expect. Children do not have filters to help them figure out how to act until the age of 12. They need an adult to set the internal clock. I hope this helps. Have her go on line to look at ADHD without medication.

Patricia - posted on 12/31/2009

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Being that you have everyones best interests at heart, approach the family situation with love instead of any spoken or implied judgements so no one feels threatened and you will help create a receptive environment. Boys are different in their playtime routines in many cases and being a middle child can bring its own confusion as to where his place is in the family hierarchy. A blended family has its own special set of challenges (of which I can personally attest to) so great care will have to be paid to the present family dynamic. Talk to your son so you can get an idea of what he feels is needed since he represents a trusted insider to you as well as an advocate for your grandson. A new marriage , a new baby and a new family may be overwhelming to your daughter-in-law, pray about it and figure out with your son how you can help all of your family!



Pat-43 yr old mom of a 23, 21, 20, 13, and 7 year old and 4 year old granddaugher

Mischelle - posted on 12/31/2009

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at 2 years old i wouldnt suggest putting him on meds. most drs wouldnt suggest it either im sure. lol apparently she hasnt heard the phrase the terrible 2s then throw in a few other young children in the mix well youd definately have an adventurous child to chase after. id say hes looking for attention and someone to play with and a way to let out some of his energy in the only way he knows how in his 2 year old way.shoot when my children were that age i was putting their clothes on backwards cuz they were experts on stripping off their clothes at inappropriate times hehehehe like the middle of a store.needless to say we got through it and they didnt need meds to overcome it just love and guidance and alot of safety pins.

Shelley - posted on 12/31/2009

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my daughter is 7,and sometimes like that,I noticed it more when she had lollies,food colouring(in certain foods),or fizzy drink.even just 1 red lollie pop sets her off.mabe your daughter in law needs some 1 on 1 with each child sometimes,he sounds like he does want a little attention from his mummy.sitting or sleeping on the couch and expecting your children to play without supervision is just lazyness,im sorry,wheres the dad??

Donna - posted on 12/31/2009

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Your grandson may have ADHD or he may just be in his "terrible twos". Unfortunately, most doctors won't see kids to diagnose ADHD until age 5. I was lucky and was able to get one to see my son at 3. My son was a lot more severe though. He didn't sleep at all unless we held him down for about 2 hours. Even in sleep, his body wouldn't stop moving. So, we only started with medication for sleep. Getting him to sleep was a godsend. It made it so that I could sleep earlier and then had more energy to handle my son during the day. Eventually, he was put on meds for during the day. What I would suggest would be to give your DIL a break if you can. Or, if they can afford it, send him to daycare for a few hours a week. That will give him some time for running around with other kids, will give your DIL a break and it will give your DIL another opinion. If she sees him with other kids, she may see that he's not any different from the others. It is exhausting taking care of a child that has ADHD. My parents were also very against putting my son on any meds, but once they saw the difference, they were thankful. His personality is not different, you can just talk to him and enjoy him when he's on his meds. Off his meds, my son is not only aggravating, but also can be dangerous to himself and those around him. Mine is now 13. If your grandson is really ADHD, he won't grow out of it. I would try a few things first (diets, getting him out running, etc), then if none of those work, I'd consult a dr.

Wendy - posted on 12/30/2009

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I would not put him on medication. He sounds like your typical 2 yr old boy to me. She will have plenty of time for sitting or sleeping on the couch when they get older. She don't want to miss out on the easy years, when they get older they don't want to hang out with parents. Kids need a lot of attention at that age. What does your son have to say about any of this? Hope everything works out for you ;)

Marisa - posted on 12/29/2009

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I'm a former special education teacher. No doctor in his/her right mind would put any child under the age of 5 on medication for ADHD. He dosen't need meds. He needs structure, supervision, and consistency. Much of what you're describing is attention-getting behavior. Mom may be experiencing post-partum depression, even 8 months after delivery. She may be feeling overwhelmed and isolated if she's home with the kids all day. Criticizing will only make it worse. Just try to help her as much as you can. Asking her if she's OK might make a difference.

Sharon - posted on 12/29/2009

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Thanks to all for suggestions on my 2 yr old grandson. Mom is now pregnant with child #4. She says "terrible twos" only mean boys. Girls don't go thru that. The reason the boy hits the girls is because the 4 yr old takes toys or whatever he has away from him no matter what he gets. She has shoved him, backhanded him across the face and he is just taking his part against her now that he's older. I live 3 hrs. away so it is hard for me to be much daily help. I go for a visit about once a month or less and always let the parents go out for a day by themselves. I usually have the kids or at least help do something with them my whole visit. They come visit me about once a month so I help with them almost every two weeks. The 4 yr old is now in pre-school so its only my grandson and his 8 month old sister at home 1/2 days-3 days a week. Mom should take advantage of this time to spend it with my grandson. I'll keep you all informed. Thanks again.

Julie - posted on 12/29/2009

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I read a doctor's article one time that said that most cases of ADHD were really the result of a lack of discipline and children not learning the meaning of the word no in the pre-school years. I would tend to initially agree with grandma and try infusing structure and activities for the child to include doing things with mom around the house as well as other activities. If mom doesn't get the two year old a little more structured now, then there will be consequences when the child goes to school. The fighting and hitting are not necessary and the parent needs to get control now.



All children need some physical activity!! At two the child needs to have supervised play time where he can run and safely fall down--perhaps a park--Mom may need a hand to have the time to devote to the one lost in the middle. I know she has her hands full but she the son needs to have structured play time to use up his energy as well as learn how to be social in appropriate ways.



I have seen drugs be used properly and improperly for ADHD with elementary children--it is not a magic bullet. I am wondering if a half-day pre-school has been investigated where the child could expend energy and make some friends of his own age. This might allow mom to store up some energy for her son during the day.



I think the other posts also had good points with relation to diet, etc. If the child's behavior doesn't improve after trying attention, structured activity, discipline (intended in a positive way), then check with the doc. Good luck to all.

Christine - posted on 12/28/2009

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Hi kids can all be different in familys, and need all sorts of different attention, cant expect him to be like his sister. He will grow out of it, just got to distract him by given him things to do. It is good to let them explore on their own as long as your there to supervise. I thought my boys had loads of energy until my daughter came along. My boys went to bed at 7.30 every night with a bed time story no problem. But my daughter would not stay in bed, she was always up till 10pm, i just let her run her energy out but she still had her bath and pj's on for 7.30. She's 18yrs old now and still has that same energy but we're use to her now. I wouldnt worry if it was ADHD he wouldnt mix with other children and would be disruptive no matter what, i don't think he has as he settle's in his bed without a bother. One granny to another it's not worth falling out with your family about how they bring up their kids, this is hard but you have to learn to take a back seat and let them learn themselves unless asked. Good luck x

DEANNE - posted on 12/28/2009

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I am a Mum, but also a qualified child care worker. From what you've said, I'd definitely go for some more positive attention through trips to the park, fun games and lots of positive input. If that doesn't work, then I'd see the doctor.

Sheri - posted on 12/27/2009

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Most boys are active, it is the way they are wired...some more than others, lol. My youngest is my energizer bunny! seriously...he is 19 months and is too smart for his own good. Last night we were watching olympic tryouts for downhill jumping (skiing), and the child thinks "I can do that" and now runs down our coffee table and jumps. Wild, yet brilliant...it will take much energy for me to channel it into a positive outcome as he grows up! Parenting is hands on, and not much time is allowed for sitting, much less sleeping...

Your d.i.l. appears overwhelmed by the many of littles she has in her home at once, so offer encouragement when possible =)



~Sheri

43 yr old mom of ds 20, ds 16, ds 12, dd 8, ds 4, ds 1

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