don't know how to handle this...

Julia - posted on 05/03/2012

Am I the only one who's husband would have pulled over and taken care of the situation then and there!!!! You know when something doesn't feel right and when it concerns our innocent children screw hurting some perverts feelings! If he is this blatant he has done this before and will do it again. I shudder to think what he has already done when no one was around!

Julie - posted on 09/25/2009

Have you asked your daughter if she has ever felt uncomfortable with him at other times. It may well be that more has happened than you even know. Follow your instincts, you have them for a reason. You should report this man to the authorities before saying anything to the wife. He may very well be doing things to other children and talking to the wife first may just give him a heads up as to the fact that he is suspected. This would impede what the police could go in and find. I have been through this, It was hard going to court and going through what we had to to stop and put a pedphile behind bars. But well worth the time and agony we went through as a family. This man had been doing so for years and it took my little girls to speak up and tell me and me believing them to put a stop to it. As our case went on other older now adult victims started to come forth. He is in prison and I know their are other victims who are still out there not ready to face what this man did to them. You need to protect not only your own children but others that he may be touching or thinking about touching.

Elizabeth - posted on 09/25/2009

some very good suggestions have been made here...def contact the school. I would also talk to the school counselor as they may have a way to talk to the daughter of the man in question without raising red flags. I would talk to someone in authority to lodge a "concern"; whether with social services or the police. Mainly because you do not want to bring charges but if anything happens to anyone down the line...this will be a baseline of previous behaviour. It is so difficult to recognize when you are being a concerned parent and when you are overprotective, but I think you have done all the right things...I speak as one who was assaulted and no one believed me, and also as a foster parent who cared for wounded children. GOD BLESS

Robin - posted on 09/24/2009

this is not only complicated but its very fragile. keeping your daughter away and explaining to her the reasons why were both correct responces. now how to handle the other; you have to follow your gut instinct. it is only when we dont follow it that we get ourselves and others in trouble. if you feel like what you saw was what you saw then it is exactly that. maybe you should explain to them the reasons why you cant see them anymore. yes tempers will fly and maybe ugly things will be said, but in the end if he is doing what you think then he has to know that you know. maybe the wife dosent know, if not it will give her cause to open her eyes up to the attention he is giving their children. all i know is this-- you just cant say nothing; if you do the next family they befriend may not be as observant as you until its too late. like i said, this is a very critical and sticky situation... im sorry you have found yourself in such a bad spot.

Michele - posted on 09/24/2009

NEVER EVER FEEL SORRY FOR MAKING A SAFE CHOSE FOR YOUR CHILD. MANY PEOPLE ARE SICK IN WAYS THEY BELIEVE IS OKAY. AVOIDING THE ISSUE IS NOT GOOD FOR YOU NEITHER I AM SURE BUT TO FOLLOW UP COULD COURSE MUST DISTRESS. YOUR AREA IS ONLY SO BIG GOSSIP TRAVELS FAST. SO AVOID THEM SOON THEY MAY GET THE HINT YOU WOULD RATHER NOT KNOW THEM. HOLIDAYS ARE THE WORSE, IF YOUR INVITED DONT RSVP UNTIL THE LAST MINUTE SO THEY DONT KNOW NOR PRESSURE YOU. COME UP WITH A TRIP OR SOMETHING THAT IS IN THE FAMILY THOUGHT AN YOU WILL HAVE TO GET BACK WITH THEM. THANK THEM AN MOVE ON. GOOD LUCK!

Lou (Helen) - posted on 09/24/2009

You Stand by what you feel is right. Too often we dont want to offend people by what we say but you have the right to expect certain behaviour from people who are involved with your kids.If they take what you say wrong way then best you find outnow then later. Good your daughter understood and you have obviously done a good job with her to be able to chat about such things. Well done you :)

Jennifer - posted on 09/24/2009

a parent's instinct is strong - definitely keep your daughter away. i see nothing wrong with letting the other family know how you feel about what happened and that it makes your daughter and you uncomfortable. our job is to keep our children and our families safe. whether it is healthy, or even possible, for the two girls to remain friends is another issue. that is something you and your husband will really have to think about and discuss.

Imelda - posted on 09/24/2009

just dont say anything about it, theres no proof yet ( right they may call you crazy): go sometimes to avoid mis-understanding but never let your daughter go alone with them. just tell her to keep away from the father of her school-mate.

Beverly - posted on 09/24/2009

Be honest with them and let them know your daughter was uncomfortable. This may be an eye opener for the wife.

Adelle - posted on 09/24/2009

Dear Gabriela,

The concensus here is very clear, Your daughter is your first priority. If you support and trust what your husband saw and what she felt, she will always know you protected her.

What this man was doing is known as 'grooming.' Its part of the 'seduction process' of a pedophile. It's purpose is getting the child more and more used to invasions of personal space and bodily integrity. The child knows its creepy and doesn't understand why it should be. After all, he was just holding her hand. And the touch feels kind of exciting. So why should it be bad? Once a child tolerates that, he goes on to a further intrusive touch. A pedophile can and will be patient, grooming slowly, or may accelerate suddenly depending on how much self control they have and whether they think they are making progress with the child.

Never allow your child to be with this man without you or your husband there. I would also tell him to stay away or you will get a restraining order. You never know whether you will need to pursue that route. But always keep all your options in mind - in case he does try to 'accidentally' encounter your daughter again.

That may end your daughter's relationship with his daughter, which is sad for her. She is probably being victimized, and contact with your daughter allows her some normalcy and respite. But you really have to put your daughter first. Also teach her that even though you want her to be respectful of most adults, someone acting like he did does not have her interest at heart, and she should get away in whatever means she can. That its even alright to scream, hit, bite, kick - anything! Adults like that don't deserve her respect if they are trying to hurt her.

What you can also do is make a call to your state's child protective services and report the man, saying you are concerned for his daughter because of his behavior toward your daughter. You never know how seriously they will take your complaint. But if they do, you could really help that child (in the long run). In the short run it will be an explosion of dynamite in their family. But don't feel guilty. The father is the one causing it - not you.

Evelyne - posted on 09/24/2009

i feel for you and your familly,

i would talk to someone in the comunity you live in and get someone to investigate.

i would talk to the school also god knows what else is going on at home ..

Lisa - posted on 09/23/2009

If you suspect this man of being inappropriate with your child you should do something as soon as possible! Too many people say nothing and too many kids are abused for too long. IF he is doing things his own children are suffering everyday. You can turn him in anonymously.

Yolanda - posted on 09/23/2009

Hi Sherry your reply is exactly the information Gabriela needs to get the job done. Keep up the good work of being aware and vigilant when it comes to our children, it definitely makes a difference.I am so happy i've found this website!! God Bless

Sherry - posted on 09/23/2009

I agree, check the sex offender website in your area to see if he has a prior. If he does I would not hesitate to report him. I think it's a good idea to check the website for ANYONE who comes in contact with my children. I had my daughter in a licensed daycare and the caregiver was going on vacation. I asked her for a recommendation for someone who could cover while she was away. The caregiver she recommended did not have a license anymore and I asked why, my caregiver said something about red tape etc. I thought it was strange and looked it up, sure enough the person's husband she recommended had a prior and they were continuing to care for kids in their home! YOU NEVER KNOW, it is so important to be vigilant in keeping our kids safe.

Yolanda - posted on 09/22/2009

You may want to check to see if this man has a prior history of misconduct!! This could make a difference in saving a lot of innocent children from this inappropriate behavior.Just a suggestionfor you to consider!!

Natalie - posted on 09/22/2009

This is not a hard one! Sorry to say I cannot believe we are discussing this! Your husband knows what he saw and your daughter confirmed it.....what else do ya need?! End it...period.....and be open say your damn husband touched my daughter in a way that was NOT RIGHT and I no longer desire contact. I would be VERY worried about the time they took your kids to the beach! If anthing did happen during the beach trip then call the police!

Rosanna - posted on 09/22/2009

You go by what you feel in your heart..if you do not feel right that means you are right ..so listen to what i say..listen to your daughter!!!! please stay away,i would of confronted him..but he will say it is not true..in time your friendship will get farther apart..thinks could get messy..so stay away.

Laurie - posted on 09/22/2009

I like to approach things head on....if you don't, you may always wonder if there was more that you did not know. Let them know you were uncomfortable with the behavior. Our children depend on us as parents to keep them safe, at all costs. Even when these costs...are very uncomfortable!

Carol - posted on 09/21/2009

Family friends are the ones we usually don't suspect, yet I know personally that you should not just trust blindly. If you feel in your gut that something is not right, then follow it. Don't allow the friendship to override your intuition. You may need to explain to his wife why you can't hang out anymore. I bet if your husband did that to her daughter, she would not hang out with you. Put your child first. You are the only one that can protect her. Child molesters do exist.

Michelle - posted on 09/21/2009

try to explain what has happened and let them give thier side of the story

but i would still do as you have done and stay away

Catherine - posted on 09/21/2009

I am surprise that your husband at that moment did not question him. With the confirmation of what the other human was doing from your daughter is enough to stop communicating with this family. Situations like this began small then escalate to something much worse, larger and damaging to the child affected. I suggest staying away from them and you should always believe your daughter. Apparently, he made her feel uncomfortable and it is a good thing that she informed you. Most children are afraid and confused about what to do. Any reaction you have towards this family is justifiable. I wouldn't communicate at all with them in due time they will probably stop trying. Good Luck!!! Keep maintaining the mother/daughter relationship.

Elaine - posted on 09/21/2009

Dear Gabriela, you must trust your husband, but most of all go with your gut!!! If your intution says no then NO! Don't worry what they will or won't say, your priority is your family!!! I think you did the right thing!!!

Brendalee - posted on 09/20/2009

Strongly confront them in a adult manner and explain to them why you do not want to see them, yes they will probably deny it but at least you will have peace of mind and if it was me I would let every parent around know too. And if your really concerned I would put a bug in the police ears to save his child ,who knows whats going on better be safe than sorry when there is a child involved..

Sheila - posted on 09/20/2009

As a parent always go by your first instinct and to protect your children from all potential and possible dangers. If your husband saw something he didn't like and your daughter confirmed what happened I would keep away from the other couple. There is no need to meet with them, and you do not owe them any explaination for why you no longer want to do things with them. Too many parents do not step in and do what is in the best interest in their children's welfare, don't be one of those parents.

Sandy - posted on 09/20/2009

Believe your Husband and your daughter. The family doesn't deserve an explantion. That man crossed a very visable line with your daughter.Better to be cautious than have to deal what will come next.

Penny - posted on 09/19/2009

Well I think you were right about your feelings. If it were I in this situation I would speak to the family just the adults and let them know your feelings. That way you have both sides of the story. Then I would keep my daughter away from them, sometimes you have to just have to listen to your heart. I do not agree to people touching others inappropriately and especially against there will.

Diane - posted on 09/19/2009

Tell the mom, she has a right to hear the info and perhaps protect her child(ren) from their dad. Other than that, sometimes we, as women, feel a need to "make everything alright" and be polite and all, but they don't have to feel comfortable about decisions you make for your children. It's important your daughter KNOW that protecting her was your uncompromising motivation. Then she'll know you and your husband will be there if she needs in the future. And we should all say a prayer for the kids of that perv.....

Jillian - posted on 09/19/2009

By the way, I don't think you should invite the other girl and her mum over to play. While I feel desperately sorry for his family, I think you need to protect your own daughter and any contact you have with this family may increase the chances that he will 'bump into' your daughter. I'm so sorry...

Jillian - posted on 09/19/2009

I agree 100% with Jackie. It actually doesn't matter if this guy is a pedophile or not. You don't need proof in order to take the steps you need to protect your daughter. The best example you can make for your daughter is to show her you trust her instincts and that you will stand by her in doing this. This means she removes herself from any situation with which she doesn't feel comfortable and she gets your support. Hopefully she will remember this and then if she's in a situation with anyone at a later date and she doesn't feel comfortable, she'll trust herself and her own judgement and feel confident about removing herself from the situation even if you're not around.



I have been in a similar position with a man who I believe was trying to befriend me in order to get access to my son. I was polite but firm and distant. I refused every invitation by pleading prior engagements. When he offered to take my son to and from soccer, I refused. I alerted my closest family and friends that my son was never to be put in a situation where he was alone with this man (very difficult as I had some other friends who claimed this man as a friend and whose son is my son's best friend). I tried very hard not to slander this man because I had no proof and it is a horrible accusation to make but I took every step I felt I needed to make my son safe, while trying to be as discreet as possible. Finally, I talked to my son and explained that I might be wrong about this man but that it was important to follow your instincts in this matter. At that time, he found the man very friendly and didn't agree with me but he was an obedient child and he accepted my decision.



I agonised over whether to report this man but I didn't have any evidence to offer the police. My son is now nineteen, he was about ten when this began, and this man's interest seemed to wane when he was about fourteen.



If you think there is a possibility that this man might try to make contact with your daughter when you're not around, for example, if he might turn up at the school to pick up his own daughter and 'accidently' bump into your daughter at the same time... you might have to consider taking stronger steps. For some years my husband and I could not let my son be at soccer without one of us present at all times. We noticed how this man made a beeline for us, or our son, whenever he saw him. We even changed soccer clubs but he still turned up at times! My son couldn't attend scouts because this man was involved with the local scout group. It was a nightmare but we never had proof, so we had to be very vigilant.



You don't owe the other family any explanation. It's a horrible situation but you don't need to be rude or make accusations. You have no proof. However, you must trust the instincts of your husband, your daughter and yourself. Good luck. I'm sorry that you have to deal with this but less vigilant parents would not have picked up what you and your husband have noticed.

Helen - posted on 09/18/2009

It is always best to go with your gut feelings as long as your daughter understands . Try just inviting the friend over for play days and invite the mom too. get to know them before you make any further judgments ,,, better safe than sorry ,,, Pray and ask for guidance .

Rose - posted on 09/18/2009

This ones hard, do you report him? "just" let it go? I found out in February that my daughter was raped by a stranger that stayed with a friends family. It happened too long ago to take him to court. So with some help from a therapist she is heeling and is keeping a healthy additude .
Okay, my advice is talk to the girl's mother . Hard but needs to be done. This man is a pediphile and needs reported. This wasn't a one time thing and he knew he couldn't go any farther with a car load of people. Given the chance he will. And he probably is "touching" his own daughter. What happens to the next one? If mom and dad doesn't know about him? Can the girl come to your house ? It may be the only relief she gets from the situation .
Anyway my 2 cents.

Lisa - posted on 09/18/2009

I wonder if you should give the school a heads up about this man? It sounds pretty creepy to me. I'm glad your daughter understands why she can no longer do things with this friend.

Jackie - posted on 09/18/2009

Your daughter is your no. 1 priority , your husband saw something he did'nt like and your daughter confirmed it .End of . If it was me i would just politely refuse and stay clear of this man , i hope his own daughter is safe and new girls that will come in contact with this man . I feel for you and your little one and the missed friendship , take care ...jackie xx