EMPTY NEST SYNDROME

Jacqueline - posted on 09/23/2012

HI Stella, after just reading your piece just made me feel that l am not alone. When my son left home over a year ago my world fell apart. People would tell me it takes time, that it will get easier.

In some ways it has. But for me now its the coming and going. The least thing l hate is the packing. That he's leaving me behind. Or if l visit him that l am leaving him behind.But l can see from the post Mer said and it made sense. But for me l just want for my son to be able to come home for a break when he can. That when it comes time for him to leave, there will be no tears. just a hug and see you soon. Not like he lives around the corner. There is 4 hour train ride.

I know that we never stop being there mum, that we will always be needed. It just that we have to accept they have a different life to us. That we have to move on with ours, Here's to no more tears.

Mer - posted on 09/13/2012

@Sheila...at least you have plenty of time to think about where You go next...cause I think this is the one over-riding feeling...a lost sick feeling in the pit of your stomach...that seems like Fear of the future. You're not so worried over them I expect, if you've done your job well. You're worrying for yourself and if you've been at home Mom, it's even more painful cause you're probably used to relying emotionally on your children...for companionship, warmth, support, etc. On the plus side, you never stop being a Mom. The relationship just changes, as it has to.

Mer - posted on 09/13/2012

@Yvonne...I felt this very much too. Crying a lot. Suddenly in a very dark place where I had gone from a normal happy early 50's woman struggling with menopause and weight gain, and then boom...I was an on old stereotypical grey haired granny in an empty lifeless room with no one around. I felt like I'd fallen into an abyss of dark feelings....I talked to a lot of people...my husband, my mother who was actually supportive...no one said buck up which was nice...and even went to my doctor cause I was afraid I was slipping into depression. The truth is as the days went by...about two weeks now of feel lost and totally hopeless, I realize a few things. One, I was relying on my son for emotional support over these last months he was home. He became a surrogate friend and husband and my own husband, while we're still close, simply didn't care about the stuff at home I was working on with renovations, was too busy at work to listen to my daily activities, and two, I was just afraid of what being not needed, useful and lonely might mean. Fear was the dark pit I fell into ....it shouldn't be called empty nest...it should just be emptiness. Once I recognized what was making me feel so ill, I was better able to cope and I started making plans for my future. Exercise, even if it's just daily walks can boost your good feelings about yourself too. Go back and think about things you always wished you had time to do, and make plans to do them.

Yvonne - posted on 03/30/2012

my son who is 20 this year has met his first serious girlfriend,for the past week he has been staying with her at her flat and i feel so sad, crying a lot feeling completely overwelmed about how i feel and hes has not moved out permanetely yet. i feel like i am griefing for him is this normal.

Lori - posted on 02/04/2010

I have three My daughter is 27 she moved out a few yrs ago not far 10 min away and I did nothing but cry, my 21 yr old boy is still home and I have an 11 yr old going on 17
I feel your pain it's hard

Jane - posted on 01/25/2010

Empty nest syndrome doesn't always last. Shannon was gone for five years at university, came home for one year, and is out on her own again....empty nesting again now...but for how long I wonder???Jacquie is off to France for 6 months, and could end up back with us when she returns to "get started again" too..... You just never know.

Denise - posted on 01/21/2010

I have 2 children of my own that are 26 and 22 and 3 step-children 21, 19 and 17. My oldest has been out of the house for years. The 22 and 21 yr. olds were gone for some time but they have returned for a while to finish some schooling. Of the younger two, one is in college and the other lives with her mom. I agree with Donna. About the time you get used to the empty nest someone is back.

Start preparing for when the time comes that the nest is empty even for a little while. Find a hobby or activities that you can do by yourself, with friends or your hubby. Join the big sister big brother programs or something like it. Do volunteer work. There are things that can fill your time and help others. Or just enjoy the quiet for a while. As far as keeping in touch with them that's easy. Everyone has cell phones these days. I actually talked more with my kids once they left home than when they lived here. There is always something new to talk about once they're gone. Don't fret it takes some getting used to but will be alright.

Melissa - posted on 01/21/2010

I feel for you, Sheila! I am a little worried about that two with a 17 year High School Senior! I have to go back to work full-time, I know that. Things are tough for everyone but to have all these expenses of a Senior in High School and then going on to college it's a must! I have had the pleasure of being an at home mom for the last almost 16 years.



I watched an episode of "Hoarders" last night and it started for one of the ladies with empty nest syndrom! It's already started for me........my oldest son moved away 2 years ago and his room is a pit! OK wake up call.......get busy on that room!

Cindy - posted on 01/20/2010

I totally understand. I have 4 awesome children, aged 29,26,23, and 19 in one week. They are all married and happy, and I have 5 grandbabies. Yes the 18 (almost 19 yr old) is married and a daddy of a 6 month old. As happy as I am with them being happily married and parents, except for one, I hate the empty nest. Enjoy the time you have with the 16 year old and cherish it. I cherish the time I had when my kids were at home. As the song says."You will miss this".

Donna - posted on 01/20/2010

I suffered from that when my last child moved out. I have 3, a 34 yr. old ,27 & 25.But it didn't last as they have all moved back at some time. HA!HA!