Empty nest syndrome or me being jealous!????????????????????????

Janet - posted on 08/30/2009 ( 13 moms have responded )

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Hi, am a single mum of one son who turns 17 .

I used to have it all, a boyfriend (the father of my son), a great job, house and a car. He turned out to be aggresive and a footy hooligan, and we lost it all 10 years ago. We survived but i dedicated it all to bringing up my son and getting him a good education etc. Am now in a job i dont really like, all my friends are either single or married and so not available to socialise, and i dont earn that much as only do 16 hours work coz otherwise we wouldnt have the housing etc for the past few years. My son finishes education etc soon so will have to re-enter the big wide world once again and have no idea where to start so as not to lose what little we do have now.



He now has a girlfriend and i am left with nothing................am i jealous, envious or just pure sad? I have no idea how to get back into real life.



Can't quite explain myself and feeling a bit pathetic at this moment, hence am writing this, i do not usually talk openly about my feelings.

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Lisa - posted on 09/03/2009

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Hi Janet,

It seems you have alot going on emotionally. I think it is completely normal to have the feelings that you are experiencing. Just as a women's life changes completely when she has a baby, it also changes when your children begin to have a life of their own.

I have two children, a 18 year old son and a 13 year old daughter. A week ago I brought my son to college, and am very happy for him. But, I cried all the way home and everyday since. When our kids leave us emotionally and physically, we are jealous, sad,and feel left out, They have been the center of our worlds, and for you, probably even more. You have a right to your feelings, but this is a passage. You will make it through and become stronger. It is very difficult to handle this on your own. I wish you much strength! And as you know, there are many women who understand all of what your going through. I agree with Cindy, there is only one mom!

Karen - posted on 09/02/2009

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Hi I am a mom of 3 and 1 stepson all are grown and on their on. My youngest moved out for a short time but is back. That is ok because he really wasn't in such a good place. During the time he was gone though I was totally alone. I reprioritized things, focused on things that made me feel peaceful and that I had fun doing, great lover of plants. We have a dog so I started walking the dog twice a day, great for both of us. I needed to get things organized in my home that I had let go for a long time, that too gave me great satisfaction. I also have a great spirituial life. In spare time I read Gods word, very comforting, and write a journal. just a few examples of what helps me. Having a son of 17 you still need to keep up with him but without invading his space. Kno who his friends are and what he is doing, don't just take his word for it. They will take advantage if you are passive and believe his every word.

Keri - posted on 09/01/2009

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My name is Keri. When my 2 moved out I thought it was GREAT to have a new start. My husband travels and is home only 2 days a month so I find this is fantastic. I work and do exactly what I want to do and it is refreshing. I am going to go back school and find something else to do but I LOVE the empty nest syndrome. Get yourself out there and you will find where you belong. I truly believe that GOD has placed in us where we need to be and at what time. Just listen to your heart and you will figure this out. Best of luck.

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Glenda L - posted on 07/20/2014

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https://www.eventbrite.com/e/empty-nest-moms-3-keys-thriving-in-the-midst-of-change-tickets-11961789033 you are invited to be heard and supported at a Teleclass I too am an empty next mom. I want to welcome you to the possibility of a wonderful life despite what's going in with your life. It was meant for you to write this post. Blessings to you. Click on link for details. All empty nest moms are invited

Janet - posted on 09/04/2009

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Thanks jerri,

I wrote that email from my heart at the time, and to be honest i go up and down. I dont really have a problem with him having a life but its true to say i have now realized it me that doesnt have one, and yes you are right i need to find one!

You are very right in saying we are both at a place in life where we are changing and thanks for telling me that. You talk much sense and i think you letter has provoked the most response in me. Thank u.



Take care, hope u are well and the family. And dont worry about the novel. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

[deleted account]

Hi Janet,

I agree with Lisa and Karen sentiments and views. I have two grown children, 28 & 24, and they are my world. Having said that, they are only PART of my world. I also decided when the kids were much younger at some point they were going to leave home(not ME--but home) and then who would I have to talk to? So I better get busy and get me something to do and somebody to talk to my age! So I gradually did. I do not have anything any different than you do. There are people who are just like you, wanting to have fun and socialize. Your "job" now is to get out of your house and go find them!

I hear you saying you do not know how to get back into "real life", which to me really sounds like you saying you do not like your life right now. You have concentrated on your son & you these last years out of need. Sounds like your son's Dad was not a great guy (to be politically correct ) , so I question if in your past if you really DID have it all.

In closing, you have a bunch of choices to make. Just like your son. You are both kind of in the same place in your life.

Your life right now is not making you happy. So that needs to change. You have a right to be happy. Maybe try keeping a journal and writing down your feelings since you do not like to talk about them. Write about everything. Out of those writings you might find a new direction for your life. Even if you are not a spiritual person, try going to church. It is a terrific place to feel a part of a group and a sense of belonging. You will also meet new people and who knows what else might happen along the way.....

Try to think about this part of your life just like your son's. He is starting a new chapter in his life and so can you. He is choosing to go to college or not, etc. You are choosing to change your life, or not. Each time you look at him think of all YOUR & his accomplishments, not what U R loosing. The only thing you are loosing, if he goes to college is a roommate. And if things go well..............

I wish you well and I wish you days of peace and well being. Let us know how you are doing. Jerri

P.S. Sorry for the novel.

Marlene - posted on 09/03/2009

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went throught empty nest syndrom!! had to see a counselor took me two years to get a hold on everything!! feeling a lot better know after 4 yrs doing things for me now just take everything a day at a time and moms are always moms!!! just tell him anytime, anywhere any day any hour any minute your are there for him if he needs you!!! take care of yourself do things for you and he will notice that and appreciate you even more. as for girls they come they go but he stays .. just love him thats it .
mom of a 22 yrs old and a 21 yrs old
marlene

Sharron - posted on 09/01/2009

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You are at a diffrent phase in your life. You can stay scared or pull yourself together and live. Our children are offsprings their job is to spring off us one day not to be our companion so dye your hair lose some weight or what ever you need to do to get back in the game. You have done your job and did it well.

Cynthia - posted on 08/30/2009

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My son Cody turned 18 on 8/26 and we have already had a girl live with us and the false pregnancy thing and his heart break, today we are listening to his favorite music and looking through old pics. These are the moments I will cherish the most.Please let him know you will always be there ok?

ox

Janet - posted on 08/30/2009

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Thank u, glad am not the only one to feel a bit put out if you know what i mean. Yes i have no problem i have done a good job on him just feeling a little lost at the moment. I know i should go out and get a life but after 10 years its not that easy. Thanks for your support. Good luck to you to xx

Cynthia - posted on 08/30/2009

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Dear Janet,

I feel like that myself sometimes and don't know which way was up or down, Then I stop and look at my 18 yr. old son and my 16 yr. old daughter that I raised my self and that helps me get thru the day. You can do anything for you and your son if you really want to . As far as the girlfriend thing, girls will come and go but MOM will alway's be there. Good luck hon.

Mom of 2 teens,

Cindy

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