Estranged adult children (Parental Alienation Syndrome)

[deleted account] ( 66 moms have responded )

Hi. My daughter Kristen, who will be 30 in February, has been blocking me from her life (with the help of her dad and my own family) since our divorce in 2004. She gave birth to my first grandchild about a year and a half ago, didn't let me know until a few months afterward. She has refused to let me see my grandson. Neither she, nor anyone else (who also don't speak to me) has ever told me why.

Now that I am finally able, I'm once again running my non-profit organization and will be widening its free services to not just include patients with chronic disease but also catastrophic family issues such as Parental Alienation Syndrome. The sites are being rebuilt. In the meantime I don't know if she has been a victim of PAS, but would really like to hear from others who have been through, or are struggling with similar issues with their children. Thanks. Nice to have found this venue. Warmly, Liz

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Shawnn - posted on 07/24/2012

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How about perspective from a child who has removed herself from destructive behaviour?

You ladies all act like you've been the "perfect" parents, given all that you could, etc...And I'm sure that you all did do the best that you could. BUT...When your kids have valid concerns/complaints/or issues, do you listen? Or do you blow them off? Have you, at any time, been inconsistent in your decisions regarding how kids are treated? Have you ever listened to them? REALLY listened? REALLY, REALLY???

Ok, the reason I ask is this: For years my mother determined that she would make all of the decisions for us. ALL of them. Regardless of the fact that we, her adult children, are grown, with families of our own, etc...she still demanded control.

When I told her I was getting married, I was accosted and accused of being a slut, and only getting married because I was pregnant (I wasn't). 4 years later, when I was excited to share our pregnancy, I was accused of poor planning, and not being able to fully care for a child. As a matter of fact, rather than expressing happiness, she was horrified. 3 years after that, when presented with the upcoming second child, she again chose to degrade me by saying "what, one wasn't enough for you? You had to bring more stress???"

This was just in relation to pregnancies. Mind you, NEVER was she asked for financial support, nor was she expected to contribute (other than family time and love) to these children. My husband and I are doing just fine in that respect.

As they grew, the comments turned to "Are you certain that you thought that through" or other flippant little comments that indicated that she still doesn't think I have the ability to care for a family (despite the fact that I have been for years, and am still going strong, and successfully in my first and only marriage)

She then began nitpicking on my kids "Don't you think you're a little uncoordinated to try sports..." or "I don't think you have the right discipline level to be a musician"...No one, and I mean NO ONE is going to tell my sons that they "aren't good enough" to do something that they want to do. If they practice, and participate, then they are gaining valuable experience.

On the other hand, my brother's children (both in juvie for various offenses) can do no wrong, because "their parents are divorced, and they're disadvantaged"...and I need to "be understanding and supportive of their choices"...Wait, I'm supposed to be supportive of my relatives, but they aren't supposed to return that?????

In a nutshell, after 40 years of first being put down, degraded, ignored, and spit upon, I told my mother that I was done. I visit once or twice a year. I send her pictures, and updates of my kids. But I don't subject myself to her vitreous presense anymore. I am mentally healthier, and my children/spouse are as well.

Stop and think of what you may have done. Really look at it. Then, when you find the offense, you may begin to try to reconnect

Rebecca - posted on 11/07/2012

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I THOUGHT THIS WAS A SAFE PLACE TO GO FOR COMPASSION UNDERSTANDING AND SUPPORT FOR THOSE OF US WHO HAVE AND ARE SUFFERING FOR THE LOSS OF OUR CHILD OR CHILDREN????? IT SADDENS ME DEEPLY THAT SOME HAVE USED THIS PLACE TO TRY AND HURT US EVEN MORE!!!! HAVEN"T WE ALLLLLLLLLLL HAD ENOUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HURT ALREADY? TO THOSE WITHOUT COMPASSION AND ONLY JUDGEMENT AND CRUELTY I FEEL SO SORRY FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY!!!! UNTIL YOU WALK IN OUR SHOES HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLYYYYYYYYY FEEL WHAT WE ARE FEELING AND GOING THRU?? GOD HELP US ALL!

Linda - posted on 11/01/2012

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My daughter and I have been estranged for 4 months now. We have had falling outs in the past that never lasted longer than a month. This time it's much worse. It's not that she won't speak to me, but we don't have a relationship anymore. She has said some hurtful things to me. I have been sobbing and crying and it affects me at work and at home. I have 3 grandchildren. She says I can see them anytime. However I do not drive and she lives in a rural area where there is no public transportation close by. Whereas she used to pick me up to see them.



She used to call me every day to tell me what's going on with my grandchildren, especially my 7 year old grandson who has Autism. Now she doesn't do that. She used to have me watch the kids on Saturdays but now she has the oldest who is 14 watch them. She won't ask me for anything yet I got myself into debt over the past decade helping her family out. She feels she thanked me enough and "move on now" type of attitude and saying I was rubbing it in her face. But basically all I wanted was respect which she could not give me. She talked down to me, put me down and made me feel stupid. I would overlook it as long as I could then it would be too much.



It's my fault because I didn't discipline her enough and I was a single mother. We were very poor and I suffer from OCD, Depression, Anxiety, ADHD and didn't know about this until 2001 and then I got on medication which helped a lot. But during the years I didn't understand so she saw a lot of it and sees me as weak. I have tried to make it up to her by being a good grandmother and I was helping her timewise and with money. But the disrespect was always there. I felt like I was an enabler or trying to buy love from my family. She is 36 and has been like that to me since she was 14. I was hoping she would grow out of it one day but it hasn't happened. Now that we permanently estranged, I have been hurting so bad. At one point I tried to tell her that it was hurting me and that I felt shut out of the family and her response was "It's always about you" and "I am not responsible for your happiness", and "I love you but your toxic to me" The "BUT" negated any love mentioned.



I even apologized to her via email. She emailed me back and said she appreciated it but then listed all the things I did wrong (and even used bullets) and those were the things I had just apologized to her for. She never apologizes for anything and never has because she never thinks she's done anything wrong. Now I know she isn't really a good forgiver either.



It's like a death now because I am in mourning and the grief is unbearable. I have a friend who I talk to about it but she just mostly says "you are thinking about it too much". I am in such pain that I cry at the drop of a hat. I live alone and the loneliness from not having her in my life and interacting with the grandchildren is taking it's toll. I can see on her Facebook page how great she is doing and she's posting pictures of the kids and her and her friends are commenting and I just cry because I am not part of it. I am almost 56 and still have to work full time and come home alone. I didn't mind living alone because it was like I was part of a family and now I am cut off. My oldest granddaughter doesn't even call me, I always have to call. It's like I am not needed anymore. I am so hurt, I have done some self injury. I feel bad about it. My doctor doesn't understand so I don't bother.



I don't want to cry anymore. It feels like a knife is sticking out of my heart.

Pat - posted on 11/01/2012

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I too am alienated from my daughter... her choice. My story is further down the list of comments- from quite a while ago. We've been estranged for about 3 years. I cried as if she had died.

My own mother was a single mom. She made LOTS of mistakes... then she capped it all off by sending me away to a girls home a state away. This happened two days before Christmas when I was 16 and I was gone 15 months. When I came back she had remarried. Within three months of their wedding her husband was diagnosed with cancer. He died five months later. She would still try to fight with me and taunt me. Once she held a knife to me and said "Here- go ahead- here's your chance to kill me- I DARE you." I told her she was CRAZY and that when I turned 18 she would NEVER see me again. Just before I turned 18 she became a sweet as could be and would never ever argue with me again. I got married at 18 and I never cut her out of my life. I never mentioned all the things that happened when I was growing up. I left the past in the past. Before she died she told me she was sorry, that she was proud of me and that I was a much better mother than she had ever been.

My husband and I have been married 34 years. We made one pact and that was that neither of our parents would EVER live with us. We had our family and our parents had already raised theirs. I'm 52 now, and have one married son who has our only grandchild and another adult daughter still at home. The one who walked away from our family has been written off.

Now I don't know you and you don't know me. I understand your pain and your love for all your grandchildren. Forgive me if I sound harsh, but your daughter has her own family. You can't expect to find your happiness through her- that's too much to ask of anyone. I have to URGE you to make friends- find something you LIKE to do and make friends there. I recently started donating time at the local dog pound walking dogs. I have made no less than two dozen new friends in the last three months. am so busy with things that I enjoy now that I seldom SELDOM ever think of the one that chose to leave us.

I hope you can look past your grief and find things in life that will make you happy. Post those things on YOUR facebook page.. As she sees you having your own life she may invite you back into hers. I hope this works for you- it's the best advice I can give you. Best of luck!

Taina - posted on 11/08/2012

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Dear Doreen, Upon reading our post,my heart goes out to you! I too have a similar sad story. My 23yr marriage was one rocked with physical and emotional and verbal abuse! I stayed until my children were old enough to take care of themselves,then by God"s grace had the courage to leave my extremely religious and abusive husband. I do have a wonderful relationship with my sons, but alas my ex-husband has been a very negative influence on my daughter so that she has turned her back on me and feels she never knew me! It is painful for any mother in our position,having raised them and been apart of their lives growing up, only to find yourself estranged from them as adults. I have done my fair share of praying and crying out to God to help me cope and to give me wisdom, if in the future she is ever able to reconcile, and have a relationship with me? I have tried to send her letters and msgs,via facebook,so she knows I miss her and would love to hear from her,whenever she is ready? The thing that hurts so bad is the abuse that I endured was mostly done in secret, so my children only know some of the abuse shown towards me, they themselves were verbally and physically abused on occasion, but they have found it in their hearts to forgive their father and all have a good relationship with him! So If the Lord can help them soften their hearts toward their father, especially my daughter than maybe one day her heart will be softened toward me? I know in her heart she misses me, and the longer she continues to avoid me the harder it will be for her! Forgiving me for not being able to stay married to her father and punishing me by not wanting anything to do with me, well,she is only punishing herself! Life is too short to hold such hostility and bitterness can only eat away at you like a cancer! I hope this message will help you know you are not alone in this life,Doreen! I was in tears reading your post, you are in my thoughts and will be in my prayers! Bless the mom who has come up with this website, it has blessed me and humbled me.Just to see how many other mother"s are and have endured so much pain, breaks my heart, but it has been a comfort to me as well! One thing that has kept me sane through all the years is my faith in God! No matter what anyone says or does, even if the whole world is against me, even if its my family,I will never forsake trusting in the Lord! Without faith I am nothing! God Bless and keep you..........

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Worst - posted on 12/09/2012

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hey thanks for marking my post as funny. Sounds like someone likes stirring the pot. Jump in double flush. THATS funny.

Worst - posted on 12/09/2012

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Some people have no class and feel it is their right to ruin this board and cause an unsafe environment. Take your fights to private message so the rest of us can read without the added torture of reading your personal arguments with one another

Worst - posted on 12/09/2012

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There is no reason for you to add to the drama on here. Cut it out. No wonder people do not feel safe. Where is the admin?

Worst - posted on 12/09/2012

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please shut this page down as all there is is slamming, degrading, insulting and unwarranted posts on here. Some are okay but ffs, whomever started this page has a responsibility for removing triggering posts and deleting those who further add injury to already damaged emotions. None of you have the right to scare off, play armchair shrink or further abuse those who write here. Knock it the hell off and for godssake - will the owner of this page or site remove it please

Brenda - posted on 12/09/2012

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Hi my name is lil and same problems here only its all three of my children, not included in nothing, spend all holidays alone, no one come to see me, i don't know what cause the drift but whatever they sure in hell blame me for it

Tammy - posted on 11/06/2012

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I'm I missing something?? I keep reading posts from people who were admittedly not the best parents in the world and who's children have chosen to not be in their life. That is sad and happens all the time but my understanding was PAS is when the other parent or someone else actually turns the child against the other parent almost like brainwashing by repeatedly saying negative things, making up wild accusations, or guilting the child into loving one parent over the other.

Sue - posted on 10/31/2012

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Hi , Since my divorce back in 2002 & my Ex husband marrying again in 2009 to a girl 21 years younger than him.,Ive had so much upset from my children. My daughter text me after her wedding to say she wants nothing to do with me again ever ( as i wasent happy that my exs wife had control of helping my daughter with her wedding & i didnt).. Then my sons partneer gave birth to a little girl & i was asked to help with certain things with my grandaughter.. Cutting a long story short!! My son text me 4 months ago to say to never contact him or anyone he knows ever again and ive not seen my grandaughter , they havent bothered with me at birthdays etc , i also found out from Face book that my daughter had a baby in May & no one told me so i havent seen my grandson either , it hurts so much when i see face book showing my exs new wife as nanny 7 her parents who are the same age as me as proud great grandparents. i tried contacting my son last week as its my granddaughters 1st birthday & id like to see her or at least send a present & ive been ignored .. does anyone else have these problems with the children they gave birth too & if so how do you cope ? Sue

Ellen - posted on 10/29/2012

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Has it ever occurred to you that maybe you're just a gigantic pain in the ass?

Cheryl - posted on 10/21/2012

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I have 2 adult daughters 33 and 36 and unfortunately neither one of them has spoken to me. 33 yr old hasn't spoken to me in 4 yrs...and the 36 yr old for 2 yrs. Their childhood was not good due to my terrible mistakes but as they got older we have had a relationship on and off. One minute they speak to me and then another minute they don't.



I have 2 grandchildren ( by the 33 yr old ) I haven't even seen, yet she lets me see the oldest on her terms but not the other two and not at my house. I was not a good mom when they were little and I will admit it...(young and stupid and they suffered from those mistakes) but why the on and off relationship? Why not cut it completely and never speak to me again? I don't get it! I am not perfect and I admit it but maybe if they would sit down with me and discuss it we could remedy this problem. CJ

Rebecca - posted on 10/13/2012

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HELLO LADIES, YES PAT I AM AT THE SAME POINT NOW WITH MY DAUGHTER. THESE WORDS PAINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN ME AS I WRITE THEM BUT AFTER WHAT I JUST LEARNED I AM EVEN MOREEEEEEEEE CONVINCED IT IS TIME TO LET GO AND STOP HOPING AND PRAYING FOR THAT MIRACLE!!!! MY SON JUST TOLD ME THAT HIS GIRLFRIEND THE BIGGEST TROUBLE MAKER IN THIS WORLD CONTACTED MY DAUGHTER TO JOIN THE BASHING PARTY OF ME THAT MY EX HUSBANDS WIFE AND MY SONS GIRLFRIEND AND NOW MY DAUGHTER ARE ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL HAVING A MEETING OF THE DISTURBED MINDS!!!! MY DAUGHTER MARRYING A PEDOFILE VIOLENT ALCOHOLIC ABUSER AND MY SONS GIRLFRIEND A VICTIM AS WELL AS MY DAUGHTER OF THEIR DADS SEVEREEEEEEEEEEEE ABUSE AND MY SONS GIRLFRIEND ALSO ABUSED BY HER MOM HAS AND DOES EVERYTHINGGGGGGGGGGGGG TO MAKE MY LIFE "HELL"!!!!! MY BEST FRIEND HAS SAID MANY MANY TIMES SHE HAS NEVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR SEEN ANYONE BE SO MEAN AS MY SONS GIRLFRIEND IS TO ME!!!!! I HAVE DONE MUCH ON EDUCATING MYSELF ON MANY SUBJECTS ONE ON VICTIMS OF CHILD ABUSE AND IT ONLY TAKES 72 HOURS FOR THE VICTIM TO BE COMPLETELY BRAINWASHED BY THE ABUSER!! ALSO I CAN HONESTLY SAY IN FRONT OF GOD MY JUDGE I HAVE DONE NOTHINGGGGGGGGGGGGGG TO BRING THIS ON!!! I HAVE BEEN NOTHINGGGGGGGGGG BUT KIND TO ALL OF THEM!!! MY SON AND HIS GIRLFRIEND WOULD BE HUNGRY IF IT WERE NOT FOR ME! MY DAUGHTERS SON AT AGE 3 BEGGED TO LIVE WITH ME BECAUSE OF HER HUSBANDS ABUSE PULLING A GUN ON HER HER SON AND BABY BUT I ENDED UP THE "BAD GUY"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WAS THERE AND HAVE BEEN THERE FOR MY SON AND MY DAUGHTER AND MY SONS GIRLFRIEND THRU ALL KINDS OF TRAUMATIC SITUATIONS BUT I WILL NOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT BE THEIR VICTIM TO BATTER AND I MAKE THIS CLEAR SO THEY DO NOT LIKE THIS AND I WILL ALSO NOT JOIN IN AND HURT ANYONE FOR THEIR DEVIANT PLEASURES!!!!!!! I DO BLAME MY EX FOR OUR CHILDRENS PROBLEMS AND THE DAMAGE HE HAS DELIBERATELY CAUSED HURTING THEM FROM BABY ON UP!!!! I WAS AT CHURCH TRYING TO HELP THE SENIORS WHEN MY EX WAS ABUSING THE KIDS AND OUT OF "FEAR' THEY COULD NOT TELL ME WHAT HE WAS DOING!!!! HE THREATENED TO "KILL ALL OF US"!!!!!! I FOUGHT LIKE A MOTHER TIGER TO TRY AND PROTECT AND RESCUE MY CHILDREN BUT THE DAMAGE HAD ALREADY BEEN DONE WHEN I WAS FINALLY TOLD!!!! I TRYED AND TRYED AND TRYED TO MAKE MY EX LEAVE OUR HOUSE BUT HE CONTINUALLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY REFUSED!!!! WHEN I FINALLY GOT HIM TO LEAVE ON THE WAY OUT THE DOOR HE YELLLED OVER AND OVER "I WILL MAKE YOU PAY I WILL MAKE YOU PAY I WILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL MAKE YOU PAY"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE SURE DID!!!! I SHARED ALL OF THIS TO LET YOU KNOW HOW MUCH AND FOR HOW LONG I HAVE BEEN GRIEVING FOR MY CHILDREN 35 YEARS MY DAUGHTER IS NOW GOING ON 3!!!!! SHE THRIVES ON CRISIS DRAMA LIES AND TRAUMA JUST LIKE MY SONS GIRFRIEND WHICH THIS IS WHAT PTSD WILL DO FOR YOU!!!!! IF THERE IS NO PROBLEM THEY CREATE ONE!! TO ALL OF US WHO ARE GRIEVING AND WONDERING WHY AND WHEN AND WHATTTTTTTTTTT MY HEART TRULY ACHES FOR US!!!!!! I AM NOT A VIOLENT WOMAN I HATE VIOLENCE AND HURT AND PAIN AND THANK GOD MY CHILDREN DID LEARN THIS FROM ME BUT IT STILL DOES NOT BALANCE OUT WHEN MY CHILDREN ARE WITH ABUSERS!!!! I CANNOT PUT MY PAST CLOSENESS TO REST YET THAT TO ME WOULD MEAN I WOULD BE GIVING UP EVEN THO AS OF TODAY THINGS LOOK PRETTY BLACK IN MY HEART OF THE HOPE AND LOVE I STILL HAVE FOR HER MY DAUGHTER MY BEAUTIFUL LITTLE GIRL WHO IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MIXED UP AND HURTING HERSELF AND HAVING TO LIVE IN SUCH DENIAL TO BE ABLE TO SURVIVE!!! STICKS AND STONES DO HURT AND SO DO UNKIND AND UNTRUE WORDS AS WE ALL KNOW! I HAD NO ONE GROWING UP AND I PROMISED MY CHILDREN I WOULD ALWAYS LOVE THEM UNCONDTIONALLLY AND I DO BUT I ALSO AM ASHAMED OF THIS POISON THEY ALLOW TO DESTROY!!! FOR ALL OF US FOR OUR SANITY AND OUR HEALTH WE HAVE TO MAKE OUR OWN DECISIONS AND WHEN THE TIME HAS COME TO LET GO? MY KIDS FROM BABIES WERE BRAINWASHED FROM MY EX TO HATE ME AND TO HURT ME AND I WAS THE BAD GUY SO I WILL AND DO KEEP HOPING AND PRAYING THAT THE LOVE I FEEL AND WITH THE DISCIPLINE I HAVE TO SHOW THAT SOMEDAY? THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR COMPASSION YOUR STRENGTH AND WORDS OF WISDOM. I AM GLAD WE ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL HAVE A SAFE PLACE WE CAN GO TO BE ABLE TO SHARE OUR PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO PARENT OR CHILD IS PERFECTTTTTTTTTTTTTT THIS DOES NOT EXIST!! I CAN SAY I HAVE NOT BEEN THE REASON THE BAD GUY AND THAT IS WHAT GIVES ME MUCH PEACE!!!!! ONE DAY AT THE TIME!! TAKE GOOD CARE ALL OF YOU? REBECCA

Pat - posted on 10/08/2012

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Sometimes (as in my case after 3+ years) you may need to realize "this" is as good as it gets. I for one will not beg... I DO NOT know who that woman is who will have nothing to do with us. My husband (her father!) and I were crushed. I grieved her as if she died. Then I realized I was grieving the person I thought I knew- but this other uncaring person was NOT my daughter. So I continued to grieve the "death" of a relationship/daughter that will never be again. After much crying and agonizing I do understand that the relationship IS dead and could never be revived. It has brought me much peace.

Rebecca - posted on 10/08/2012

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HELLO LEE, I JUST WANTED TO THANK YOU FOR YOUR REACHING OUT TO ME. IT IS SOOOOOOOOOOO VERY PAINFUL AND LONELY WHEN I SEE OTHER MOTHERS AND THEIR DAUGHTERS OR SONS DOING THINGS TOGETHER! MY HEART BLEEDS! I AM MUCH BETTER THAN I WAS BECAUSE I HAVE TRYED AND TRYED AND TRYED TO REACH HER AND ENCOURAGE HER TO WAKE UP AND COME TO REALITY!! OF ALLLLLLLLLLLLL OF THE ADULT CHILDREN I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT WOULD TURN ON THEIR OWN MOTHER AFTER THE CLOSENESS WE ONCE HAD CAME AS A BIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG SHOCK!! IT HAS TAKEN ME 11 YEARS OF UNBEARABLEEEEEEEEEE PAIN TO REALIZE HOW DEEP HER PROBLEMS ARE AND THE DAMAGE MY EX DID TO OUR BEAUTIFULLLLLLLLLLLL CHILDREN!! SHE MARRIED HER DAD. TO ALLOW HER ABUSIVE HUSBAND TO KEEP MY GRANDKIDS AWAY FROM ME AND TO TREAT ME LIKE GARBAGE I AM AFRAID WILL ALL COME BACK TO HAUNT HER ONE DAY IN THE FUTURE? I CAN SAY I HAVE NOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT DONE ANYTHING TO MAKE HER BEHAVE LIKE THIS? I AM NOT PERFECT AND MADE MY SHARE OF MISTAKES BUT SHE WAS ALWAYS WELL TAKEN CARE OF AND SO VERY WANTED AND LOVED WHICH MEANS NOTHING TO HER!!! ONLY SHE CAN CHANGE HER "BLACK" HEART AND I JUST KEEP PRAYING FOR HER AND HER CHILDREN AND FOR MIRACLES WHILE I AM GOING ON WITH LIFE THE BEST I CAN WITH MANY MANY HEALTH ISSUES TO COPE WITH. LIFE GOES ON AND ON SUCH AS IT IS! BEST OF EVERYTHING TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY! THANK YOU AGAIN FOR YOUR COMPASSION! REBECCA

Lee - posted on 10/03/2012

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I too can relate to having a "Rude, disrespectful, adult daughter, lying, with lots of drama. (she's 20yr's old now) However, I do love her very much. My father who is a Gen.Surg. Doctor said that the "Frontal Lobe" doesn't fully develope until after the age of 25. So any common sence is

thrown complty out the window. It's definance to it's greatest level. also an~ "I'll show you attitude." All you can do is pray that they make it through life and choose wisely. I worked for a very "Large" bank at the corprt office and there where in my area alone 4-5 mothers at the exact same time going through this same thing with their daughters also. The funny part is that they all went to diffrent schools and didn't know each other. To top it off I had a very dear friend of mine that I have know for over 20 yr's in a different state her teenage daughter was doing it to her also. So 4 years later we are all still going through it w/our daughters. I too have a granddaughter that is perfect and beautiful and that I can never see. Keep a journal, log your feelings, cry when you need to cry, (alot I have done) and pray that they are safe. 4 years later I still see things and hear things that reminds me of her and know this is what she choose (not me). (less tears now) We have to honor their wishes. I know we spent a life time giving to them in everyway, loving and providing for them and even going "without" just so they could have. But we are here to raise our children and then set them free. (Launch them out into the world) Maybe not the way we wanted, however, when you love them so much you

have to set them free and pray. "The greatest prison that other people live in, is the fear of what other people think"- David Icle Understand you did nothing wrong. Remember that you did your very best at that time with whatever the circumstances was, no matter what happened. Let it go...Go easy on yourself and most of all start loving yourself. In some ways it's like a death, a greaving period needs to take place. Don't rush it. It may sting and burn but release it and let it go. Hang in there and know that you are NOT alone going through this. This generation is so much different then when we where growing up, that's why it hurts. We respected our parents and others always!

Rebecca - posted on 08/02/2012

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TO ALL OF YOU LADIES FORGIVE ME? I WAS NOT POSTING OVER AND OVER TO SHAWNN. MY COMPUTER IS NOT WORKING TOO WELL AND FOR SOME REASON IT JUST KEEP REPEATING?? I DO NOT KNOW WHAT HAPPENED HERE? SO PLEASE JUST EXCUSE MY WRITING AND POSTING MISTAKES? THANK U REBECCA ALSO LADIES I THINK IT IS VERY IMPORTANT WE TRY VERY HARD TO NOT HURT ANYONES FEELINGS ON HERE. WE ARE ALL SUFFERINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG FOR OUR OWN REASONS THAT NO ONE ELSE CAN UNDERSTAND FULLY EVEN THO WE ALL HAVE MUCH IN COMMON. IF I HAVE OR DO HURT ANYONE PLEASE FORGIVE ME? I HAVE SEVERALLLLLLLL PHYSICAL CHALLENGES STARTING WITH SEVEREEEEEEEE FIBROMYALGIA CALLED THE MONSTER ILLNESS PLUS MANY MORE DEBILITATING ILLNESSES SO I MAY THINK ONE THING AND IT COMES OUT ALL WRONG!! DON"T WE ALL HAVE ENOUGH PAINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN NOT TO ALLOW OUR ANGER TO HURT THOSE TRYING TO REACH OUT FOR SOME COMFORT AND SUPPORT?????? HEART PAIN TURNS INTO ANGER AND CAN REALLYYYYYYYYYYYYY HURT AND NONE OF US NEED MORE OF THIS DO WE??

Rebecca - posted on 08/02/2012

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DEAR SHAWNN, I DID LISTEN AND YES YOU ARE CERTAINTLY ENTITLED TO YOUR FEELINGS AND OPINION!! WHEN WE ALL READ WE ALL SEE AND READ DIFFERENT EVEN THO THE WORDS ARE THE SAME FOR EVERYBODY. YOU HAVE JUST AS MUCH RIGHT TO BE HERE AS ANYONE AND TO HAVE YOUR VOICE. I CAN HEAR AND FEEL YOUR ANGER AND YOUR PAIN AND AS I HAVE SAID I HAVE NOOOOOOOOOOOO RIGHT WORDS?? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I DID NOT DO MY BEST BUT AT THE TIME I THOUGHT I WAS DOING MY BEST? ONLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY AS WE GROW OLDER AND LOOK BACK ARE WE ABLE TO SEE THRU OUR CHILDREN THE MISTAKES WE MADE IN OUR PAST? ALL I CAN SAY IS I NEVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR MADE THOSE MISTAKES WITH THE INTENT TO DELIBERATELY HURT MY CHILDREN. I WAS A VERY GOOD MOM WITH CIRCUMSTANCES WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY BEYOND MY CONTROL!!!!! MOST PEOPLE DO NOT HAVE A CHILD WITH AS MANY CHALLENGES AND SERIOUS ISSUES TO COPE WITH!! HAVING A BRAIN INJURED CHILD PLUS ALL OF HIS OTHER ABUSE ISSUES WAS OVERWHELMING AND NOT ON PURPOSE BUT BECAUSE HIS NEEDS WERE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DEMANDING MY POOR DAUGHTER GOT PUSHED INTO THE BACKGROUND NOT BY MY CHOICE!! I WAS ALONE HAVING TO BE MOTHER FATHER FRIEND DOCTOR ADVOCATE, PROVIDER, AND SO ON AND ON AND ON!!!!NOOOOOOOOOOOO FAMILY SUPPORT AND VERY FEW FRIENDS. I HAVE DIVORCED MY SIBLINGS AND WHAT I THOUGHT WERE MY FRIENDS. I HAVE NEW FRIENDS AND SUPPORT TEAM AND MY SON IS A TRUEEEEE MIRACLE!! WITHOUT MY 24 HOUR ATTENTION DEVOTED LOVE AND 24 HOUR PRAYERS AND WORKING AND FIGHTING LIKE A MOTHER TIGER TO PROTECT MY CHILDREN FROM MY EXS FURTHER ABUSE!!! MY DAUGHTER AND SON AND I WERE VERY VERY CLOSE BUT THE DAMAGE HAD BEEN DONE AND ONLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY GOD COULD HEAL!! WE HAVE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RIGHT TO JUDGE ANYONE UNTIL WE WALK IN THEIR SHOES!! I LOVED- LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE BEING A MOTHER AND MY KIDS AND GRANDS ARE MY TREASURES AND MY KIDS AND I HAVE TALKED ABOUT OUR MISTAKES AND MY DAUGHTER JUMPED RIGHT BACK INTO THE FIRE!!!! WHICH IS VERYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY COMMON!! MY SON AND I ARE STILL VERY CLOSE BUT NOT WITHOUT OUR TRIALS? I REALLY HOPE YOU CAN FIND PEACE VERY SOON HOWEVER THIS MAY COME ABOUT? REBECCA

Rebecca - posted on 08/02/2012

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DEAR SHAWNN, I READ YOUR RESPONSE AGAIN AND AGAIN AND ONCE AGAIN I AM SO VERYYYYYYY SORRY FOR YOUR PAIN AND THE CRUELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL INSULTS YOUR MOTHER INFLICTED UPON YOU!! I HAD AN EXTREMEEEEEEEEEEELY CRUEL MOTHER MYSELF AND I KNOW THE PAINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN OF THOSE WORDS THAT STAB SO DEEPLY YOU WONDER IIF YOU WILL EVERRRRRRRRRR STOP BLEEDING? I TRYED WITH EVERYTHING I HAD TO NOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT BE THE MOM I WAS CURSED WITH!! I AM SURE YOU ARE AND HAVE DONE THE SAME. I AM ALMOST 60 IN A FEW DAYS AND I STILL HAVE TO WORK ON NOTTTTTTTTT ALLOWING THOSE POISONOUS WORDS COME TO SURFACE? AS MOTHERS WE ARE ALWAYSSSSS PUT UNDER THE MICROSCOPE OF JUDGEMENT BY OUR KIDS FRIENDS FAMILY AND SO MANY OTHERS?? THIS HURTS AND IS UNFAIR BUT IT HAPPENS ALL OF THE TIME TO THE BEST OF US. IT TO ME SOUNDS LIKE YOUR MOTHER HAS SOME JEALOUSY OF YOU AND SHE KNOWS SHE MADE SOME HURTFUL MISTAKES BUT SHE IS SO DETERMINED TO STAY ON THAT PEDESTAL OF PERFECTION SO SHE DOESN"T HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE HER TRUE FEELINGS? ALSO SHE SOUNDS AFRAID OF BEING CLOSE SO SHE DOES WHAT SHE HAS TO TO KEEP YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN AND MAYBE OTHERS AT A DISTANCE SO SHE DOESN"T HAVE TO FEEL THOSE FEELINGS OF LOSS OR ANY FEELINGS THAT ARE UNCOMFORTABLE FOR HER? ALOTTTTTTT OF WOMEN ARE JEALOUS OF THEIR DAUGHTERS NOT SPEAKING OF MYSELF. THIS IS CHILDISH SELFISH AND SOOOOOOOOOO SOOOOOOOOOOOOO SILLY!! ALOT OF WOMEN ALSO DO NOT WANT TO GROW OLDER OR ADMIT THEY HAVE GROWN CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN WHICH IS TO ME ALSO RIDICULOUS!!! WE ALL WILL BE PUT UNDER THE MICROSCOPE AND ANYONE WANTING TO FIND THE FAULTS INSTEAD OF THE GOOD CAN CERTAINTLY FIND THEM? HURT TURNS INTO ANGER AND ANGER TURNS US INTO SOMEONE WE SHOULD NOT BE!! I WISH YOU PEACE AND COURAGE AND ANSWERS TO THE WHYSSSSSSSSSSS OF THIS PAINFUL WASTED RELATIONSHIP! TRYING TO TALK TO YOUR MOTHER WITHOUT POINTING YOUR FINGER AT HER FAULTS MAYBE THE TWO OF YOU CAN COME TO SOME FORGIVENESS AND UNDERSTANDING AND BEGIN A NEW PATH? LIFE IS TOOOOOOOOOOO SHORT TO WASTE IT IN ANGER AND THROW AWAY THE LOVE!! AS WE ALL KNOW GOOD RELATIONSHIPS COME WITH ALOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT OF HARD WORK AND MUCH FORGIVENESS!! ALSO IF I DIDN"T SAY THIS MY DAUGHTERS ABUSIVE HUSBAND USED BEING ATTRACTED TO ME ONLY AS A WAY OF ISOLATING AND MAKING SUREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE MY DAUGHTER WOULD HATE ME AND WOULD NOT WANT TO BE AROUND ME. THIS WAS HIS ONLY WAY NOTHINGGGGGGGGG ELSE WAS WORKING AND HE DID ALOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT OF CRUELTY TO GET RID OF ME!! THIS IS WHAT ABUSERS DO WHEN SOMEONE-ME IS TRYING TO FREE THEIR VICTIM!! I DO WISH YOU EVERYTHING THAT IS GOOD AND KIND AND MUCH JOY WITH YOUR OWN FAMILY AND FRIENDS!! WHEN I FORGAVE MY MOTHER NOT FORGOT I FELT A FREEINGGGGGGGGGGG OF MY HEART!!! BEFORE IT WAS IN HER CHAINS WANTING SO DESPERATELY TO HAVE THINGS DIFFERENT AND THE LOVE AND ACCEPTANCE ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL CHILDREN WANT AND NEED. I ALSO REALIZED SHE DID NOT KNOW HOW AND SHE TOOK OUT ON HER KIDS-ME AND MY SIBLINGS WHAT SHE HAD HAD TO GO THRU AS A CHILD. WE CAN ALLLLLLLLLLLLL CHANGE THINGS WITH ALOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT OF KINDNESSS LOVE, PATIENCE AND THE WILLINGNESS TO DO ALOTTTTTTTT OF GOOD OLD FASHION HARDDDDDDDDDD WORK!! TAKE GOOD CARE REBECCA

Rebecca - posted on 08/02/2012

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DEAR SHAWNN, I READ YOUR RESPONSE AGAIN AND AGAIN AND ONCE AGAIN I AM SO VERYYYYYYY SORRY FOR YOUR PAIN AND THE CRUELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL INSULTS YOUR MOTHER INFLICTED UPON YOU!! I HAD AN EXTREMEEEEEEEEEEELY CRUEL MOTHER MYSELF AND I KNOW THE PAINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN OF THOSE WORDS THAT STAB SO DEEPLY YOU WONDER IIF YOU WILL EVERRRRRRRRRR STOP BLEEDING? I TRYED WITH EVERYTHING I HAD TO NOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT BE THE MOM I WAS CURSED WITH!! I AM SURE YOU ARE AND HAVE DONE THE SAME. I AM ALMOST 60 IN A FEW DAYS AND I STILL HAVE TO WORK ON NOTTTTTTTTT ALLOWING THOSE POISONOUS WORDS COME TO SURFACE? AS MOTHERS WE ARE ALWAYSSSSS PUT UNDER THE MICROSCOPE OF JUDGEMENT BY OUR KIDS FRIENDS FAMILY AND SO MANY OTHERS?? THIS HURTS AND IS UNFAIR BUT IT HAPPENS ALL OF THE TIME TO THE BEST OF US. IT TO ME SOUNDS LIKE YOUR MOTHER HAS SOME JEALOUSY OF YOU AND SHE KNOWS SHE MADE SOME HURTFUL MISTAKES BUT SHE IS SO DETERMINED TO STAY ON THAT PEDESTAL OF PERFECTION SO SHE DOESN"T HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE HER TRUE FEELINGS? ALSO SHE SOUNDS AFRAID OF BEING CLOSE SO SHE DOES WHAT SHE HAS TO TO KEEP YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN AND MAYBE OTHERS AT A DISTANCE SO SHE DOESN"T HAVE TO FEEL THOSE FEELINGS OF LOSS OR ANY FEELINGS THAT ARE UNCOMFORTABLE FOR HER? ALOTTTTTTT OF WOMEN ARE JEALOUS OF THEIR DAUGHTERS NOT SPEAKING OF MYSELF. THIS IS CHILDISH SELFISH AND SOOOOOOOOOO SOOOOOOOOOOOOO SILLY!! ALOT OF WOMEN ALSO DO NOT WANT TO GROW OLDER OR ADMIT THEY HAVE GROWN CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN WHICH IS TO ME ALSO RIDICULOUS!!! WE ALL WILL BE PUT UNDER THE MICROSCOPE AND ANYONE WANTING TO FIND THE FAULTS INSTEAD OF THE GOOD CAN CERTAINTLY FIND THEM? HURT TURNS INTO ANGER AND ANGER TURNS US INTO SOMEONE WE SHOULD NOT BE!! I WISH YOU PEACE AND COURAGE AND ANSWERS TO THE WHYSSSSSSSSSSS OF THIS PAINFUL WASTED RELATIONSHIP! TRYING TO TALK TO YOUR MOTHER WITHOUT POINTING YOUR FINGER AT HER FAULTS MAYBE THE TWO OF YOU CAN COME TO SOME FORGIVENESS AND UNDERSTANDING AND BEGIN A NEW PATH? LIFE IS TOOOOOOOOOOO SHORT TO WASTE IT IN ANGER AND THROW AWAY THE LOVE!! AS WE ALL KNOW GOOD RELATIONSHIPS COME WITH ALOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT OF HARD WORK AND MUCH FORGIVENESS!! ALSO IF I DIDN"T SAY THIS MY DAUGHTERS ABUSIVE HUSBAND USED BEING ATTRACTED TO ME ONLY AS A WAY OF ISOLATING AND MAKING SUREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE MY DAUGHTER WOULD HATE ME AND WOULD NOT WANT TO BE AROUND ME. THIS WAS HIS ONLY WAY NOTHINGGGGGGGGG ELSE WAS WORKING AND HE DID ALOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT OF CRUELTY TO GET RID OF ME!! THIS IS WHAT ABUSERS DO WHEN SOMEONE-ME IS TRYING TO FREE THEIR VICTIM!! I DO WISH YOU EVERYTHING THAT IS GOOD AND KIND AND MUCH JOY WITH YOUR OWN FAMILY AND FRIENDS!! WHEN I FORGAVE MY MOTHER NOT FORGOT I FELT A FREEINGGGGGGGGGGG OF MY HEART!!! BEFORE IT WAS IN HER CHAINS WANTING SO DESPERATELY TO HAVE THINGS DIFFERENT AND THE LOVE AND ACCEPTANCE ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL CHILDREN WANT AND NEED. I ALSO REALIZED SHE DID NOT KNOW HOW AND SHE TOOK OUT ON HER KIDS-ME AND MY SIBLINGS WHAT SHE HAD HAD TO GO THRU AS A CHILD. WE CAN ALLLLLLLLLLLLL CHANGE THINGS WITH ALOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT OF KINDNESSS LOVE, PATIENCE AND THE WILLINGNESS TO DO ALOTTTTTTTT OF GOOD OLD FASHION HARDDDDDDDDDD WORK!! TAKE GOOD CARE REBECCA

Rebecca - posted on 08/02/2012

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DEAR SHAWNN, I READ YOUR RESPONSE AGAIN AND AGAIN AND ONCE AGAIN I AM SO VERYYYYYYY SORRY FOR YOUR PAIN AND THE CRUELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL INSULTS YOUR MOTHER INFLICTED UPON YOU!! I HAD AN EXTREMEEEEEEEEEEELY CRUEL MOTHER MYSELF AND I KNOW THE PAINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN OF THOSE WORDS THAT STAB SO DEEPLY YOU WONDER IIF YOU WILL EVERRRRRRRRRR STOP BLEEDING? I TRYED WITH EVERYTHING I HAD TO NOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT BE THE MOM I WAS CURSED WITH!! I AM SURE YOU ARE AND HAVE DONE THE SAME. I AM ALMOST 60 IN A FEW DAYS AND I STILL HAVE TO WORK ON NOTTTTTTTTT ALLOWING THOSE POISONOUS WORDS COME TO SURFACE? AS MOTHERS WE ARE ALWAYSSSSS PUT UNDER THE MICROSCOPE OF JUDGEMENT BY OUR KIDS FRIENDS FAMILY AND SO MANY OTHERS?? THIS HURTS AND IS UNFAIR BUT IT HAPPENS ALL OF THE TIME TO THE BEST OF US. IT TO ME SOUNDS LIKE YOUR MOTHER HAS SOME JEALOUSY OF YOU AND SHE KNOWS SHE MADE SOME HURTFUL MISTAKES BUT SHE IS SO DETERMINED TO STAY ON THAT PEDESTAL OF PERFECTION SO SHE DOESN"T HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE HER TRUE FEELINGS? ALSO SHE SOUNDS AFRAID OF BEING CLOSE SO SHE DOES WHAT SHE HAS TO TO KEEP YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN AND MAYBE OTHERS AT A DISTANCE SO SHE DOESN"T HAVE TO FEEL THOSE FEELINGS OF LOSS OR ANY FEELINGS THAT ARE UNCOMFORTABLE FOR HER? ALOTTTTTTT OF WOMEN ARE JEALOUS OF THEIR DAUGHTERS NOT SPEAKING OF MYSELF. THIS IS CHILDISH SELFISH AND SOOOOOOOOOO SOOOOOOOOOOOOO SILLY!! ALOT OF WOMEN ALSO DO NOT WANT TO GROW OLDER OR ADMIT THEY HAVE GROWN CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN WHICH IS TO ME ALSO RIDICULOUS!!! WE ALL WILL BE PUT UNDER THE MICROSCOPE AND ANYONE WANTING TO FIND THE FAULTS INSTEAD OF THE GOOD CAN CERTAINTLY FIND THEM? HURT TURNS INTO ANGER AND ANGER TURNS US INTO SOMEONE WE SHOULD NOT BE!! I WISH YOU PEACE AND COURAGE AND ANSWERS TO THE WHYSSSSSSSSSSS OF THIS PAINFUL WASTED RELATIONSHIP! TRYING TO TALK TO YOUR MOTHER WITHOUT POINTING YOUR FINGER AT HER FAULTS MAYBE THE TWO OF YOU CAN COME TO SOME FORGIVENESS AND UNDERSTANDING AND BEGIN A NEW PATH? LIFE IS TOOOOOOOOOOO SHORT TO WASTE IT IN ANGER AND THROW AWAY THE LOVE!! AS WE ALL KNOW GOOD RELATIONSHIPS COME WITH ALOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT OF HARD WORK AND MUCH FORGIVENESS!! ALSO IF I DIDN"T SAY THIS MY DAUGHTERS ABUSIVE HUSBAND USED BEING ATTRACTED TO ME ONLY AS A WAY OF ISOLATING AND MAKING SUREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE MY DAUGHTER WOULD HATE ME AND WOULD NOT WANT TO BE AROUND ME. THIS WAS HIS ONLY WAY NOTHINGGGGGGGGG ELSE WAS WORKING AND HE DID ALOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT OF CRUELTY TO GET RID OF ME!! THIS IS WHAT ABUSERS DO WHEN SOMEONE-ME IS TRYING TO FREE THEIR VICTIM!! I DO WISH YOU EVERYTHING THAT IS GOOD AND KIND AND MUCH JOY WITH YOUR OWN FAMILY AND FRIENDS!! WHEN I FORGAVE MY MOTHER NOT FORGOT I FELT A FREEINGGGGGGGGGGG OF MY HEART!!! BEFORE IT WAS IN HER CHAINS WANTING SO DESPERATELY TO HAVE THINGS DIFFERENT AND THE LOVE AND ACCEPTANCE ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL CHILDREN WANT AND NEED. I ALSO REALIZED SHE DID NOT KNOW HOW AND SHE TOOK OUT ON HER KIDS-ME AND MY SIBLINGS WHAT SHE HAD HAD TO GO THRU AS A CHILD. WE CAN ALLLLLLLLLLLLL CHANGE THINGS WITH ALOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT OF KINDNESSS LOVE, PATIENCE AND THE WILLINGNESS TO DO ALOTTTTTTTT OF GOOD OLD FASHION HARDDDDDDDDDD WORK!! TAKE GOOD CARE REBECCA

Rebecca - posted on 08/02/2012

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DEAR SHAWNN, I READ YOUR RESPONSE AGAIN AND AGAIN AND ONCE AGAIN I AM SO VERYYYYYYY SORRY FOR YOUR PAIN AND THE CRUELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL INSULTS YOUR MOTHER INFLICTED UPON YOU!! I HAD AN EXTREMEEEEEEEEEEELY CRUEL MOTHER MYSELF AND I KNOW THE PAINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN OF THOSE WORDS THAT STAB SO DEEPLY YOU WONDER IIF YOU WILL EVERRRRRRRRRR STOP BLEEDING? I TRYED WITH EVERYTHING I HAD TO NOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT BE THE MOM I WAS CURSED WITH!! I AM SURE YOU ARE AND HAVE DONE THE SAME. I AM ALMOST 60 IN A FEW DAYS AND I STILL HAVE TO WORK ON NOTTTTTTTTT ALLOWING THOSE POISONOUS WORDS COME TO SURFACE? AS MOTHERS WE ARE ALWAYSSSSS PUT UNDER THE MICROSCOPE OF JUDGEMENT BY OUR KIDS FRIENDS FAMILY AND SO MANY OTHERS?? THIS HURTS AND IS UNFAIR BUT IT HAPPENS ALL OF THE TIME TO THE BEST OF US. IT TO ME SOUNDS LIKE YOUR MOTHER HAS SOME JEALOUSY OF YOU AND SHE KNOWS SHE MADE SOME HURTFUL MISTAKES BUT SHE IS SO DETERMINED TO STAY ON THAT PEDESTAL OF PERFECTION SO SHE DOESN"T HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE HER TRUE FEELINGS? ALSO SHE SOUNDS AFRAID OF BEING CLOSE SO SHE DOES WHAT SHE HAS TO TO KEEP YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN AND MAYBE OTHERS AT A DISTANCE SO SHE DOESN"T HAVE TO FEEL THOSE FEELINGS OF LOSS OR ANY FEELINGS THAT ARE UNCOMFORTABLE FOR HER? ALOTTTTTTT OF WOMEN ARE JEALOUS OF THEIR DAUGHTERS NOT SPEAKING OF MYSELF. THIS IS CHILDISH SELFISH AND SOOOOOOOOOO SOOOOOOOOOOOOO SILLY!! ALOT OF WOMEN ALSO DO NOT WANT TO GROW OLDER OR ADMIT THEY HAVE GROWN CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN WHICH IS TO ME ALSO RIDICULOUS!!! WE ALL WILL BE PUT UNDER THE MICROSCOPE AND ANYONE WANTING TO FIND THE FAULTS INSTEAD OF THE GOOD CAN CERTAINTLY FIND THEM? HURT TURNS INTO ANGER AND ANGER TURNS US INTO SOMEONE WE SHOULD NOT BE!! I WISH YOU PEACE AND COURAGE AND ANSWERS TO THE WHYSSSSSSSSSSS OF THIS PAINFUL WASTED RELATIONSHIP! TRYING TO TALK TO YOUR MOTHER WITHOUT POINTING YOUR FINGER AT HER FAULTS MAYBE THE TWO OF YOU CAN COME TO SOME FORGIVENESS AND UNDERSTANDING AND BEGIN A NEW PATH? LIFE IS TOOOOOOOOOOO SHORT TO WASTE IT IN ANGER AND THROW AWAY THE LOVE!! AS WE ALL KNOW GOOD RELATIONSHIPS COME WITH ALOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT OF HARD WORK AND MUCH FORGIVENESS!! ALSO IF I DIDN"T SAY THIS MY DAUGHTERS ABUSIVE HUSBAND USED BEING ATTRACTED TO ME ONLY AS A WAY OF ISOLATING AND MAKING SUREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE MY DAUGHTER WOULD HATE ME AND WOULD NOT WANT TO BE AROUND ME. THIS WAS HIS ONLY WAY NOTHINGGGGGGGGG ELSE WAS WORKING AND HE DID ALOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT OF CRUELTY TO GET RID OF ME!! THIS IS WHAT ABUSERS DO WHEN SOMEONE-ME IS TRYING TO FREE THEIR VICTIM!! I DO WISH YOU EVERYTHING THAT IS GOOD AND KIND AND MUCH JOY WITH YOUR OWN FAMILY AND FRIENDS!! WHEN I FORGAVE MY MOTHER NOT FORGOT I FELT A FREEINGGGGGGGGGGG OF MY HEART!!! BEFORE IT WAS IN HER CHAINS WANTING SO DESPERATELY TO HAVE THINGS DIFFERENT AND THE LOVE AND ACCEPTANCE ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL CHILDREN WANT AND NEED. I ALSO REALIZED SHE DID NOT KNOW HOW AND SHE TOOK OUT ON HER KIDS-ME AND MY SIBLINGS WHAT SHE HAD HAD TO GO THRU AS A CHILD. WE CAN ALLLLLLLLLLLLL CHANGE THINGS WITH ALOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT OF KINDNESSS LOVE, PATIENCE AND THE WILLINGNESS TO DO ALOTTTTTTTT OF GOOD OLD FASHION HARDDDDDDDDDD WORK!! TAKE GOOD CARE REBECCA

Rebecca - posted on 08/02/2012

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DEAR SHAWNN, I READ YOUR RESPONSE AGAIN AND AGAIN AND ONCE AGAIN I AM SO VERYYYYYYY SORRY FOR YOUR PAIN AND THE CRUELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL INSULTS YOUR MOTHER INFLICTED UPON YOU!! I HAD AN EXTREMEEEEEEEEEEELY CRUEL MOTHER MYSELF AND I KNOW THE PAINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN OF THOSE WORDS THAT STAB SO DEEPLY YOU WONDER IIF YOU WILL EVERRRRRRRRRR STOP BLEEDING? I TRYED WITH EVERYTHING I HAD TO NOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT BE THE MOM I WAS CURSED WITH!! I AM SURE YOU ARE AND HAVE DONE THE SAME. I AM ALMOST 60 IN A FEW DAYS AND I STILL HAVE TO WORK ON NOTTTTTTTTT ALLOWING THOSE POISONOUS WORDS COME TO SURFACE? AS MOTHERS WE ARE ALWAYSSSSS PUT UNDER THE MICROSCOPE OF JUDGEMENT BY OUR KIDS FRIENDS FAMILY AND SO MANY OTHERS?? THIS HURTS AND IS UNFAIR BUT IT HAPPENS ALL OF THE TIME TO THE BEST OF US. IT TO ME SOUNDS LIKE YOUR MOTHER HAS SOME JEALOUSY OF YOU AND SHE KNOWS SHE MADE SOME HURTFUL MISTAKES BUT SHE IS SO DETERMINED TO STAY ON THAT PEDESTAL OF PERFECTION SO SHE DOESN"T HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE HER TRUE FEELINGS? ALSO SHE SOUNDS AFRAID OF BEING CLOSE SO SHE DOES WHAT SHE HAS TO TO KEEP YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN AND MAYBE OTHERS AT A DISTANCE SO SHE DOESN"T HAVE TO FEEL THOSE FEELINGS OF LOSS OR ANY FEELINGS THAT ARE UNCOMFORTABLE FOR HER? ALOTTTTTTT OF WOMEN ARE JEALOUS OF THEIR DAUGHTERS NOT SPEAKING OF MYSELF. THIS IS CHILDISH SELFISH AND SOOOOOOOOOO SOOOOOOOOOOOOO SILLY!! ALOT OF WOMEN ALSO DO NOT WANT TO GROW OLDER OR ADMIT THEY HAVE GROWN CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN WHICH IS TO ME ALSO RIDICULOUS!!! WE ALL WILL BE PUT UNDER THE MICROSCOPE AND ANYONE WANTING TO FIND THE FAULTS INSTEAD OF THE GOOD CAN CERTAINTLY FIND THEM? HURT TURNS INTO ANGER AND ANGER TURNS US INTO SOMEONE WE SHOULD NOT BE!! I WISH YOU PEACE AND COURAGE AND ANSWERS TO THE WHYSSSSSSSSSSS OF THIS PAINFUL WASTED RELATIONSHIP! TRYING TO TALK TO YOUR MOTHER WITHOUT POINTING YOUR FINGER AT HER FAULTS MAYBE THE TWO OF YOU CAN COME TO SOME FORGIVENESS AND UNDERSTANDING AND BEGIN A NEW PATH? LIFE IS TOOOOOOOOOOO SHORT TO WASTE IT IN ANGER AND THROW AWAY THE LOVE!! AS WE ALL KNOW GOOD RELATIONSHIPS COME WITH ALOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT OF HARD WORK AND MUCH FORGIVENESS!! ALSO IF I DIDN"T SAY THIS MY DAUGHTERS ABUSIVE HUSBAND USED BEING ATTRACTED TO ME ONLY AS A WAY OF ISOLATING AND MAKING SUREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE MY DAUGHTER WOULD HATE ME AND WOULD NOT WANT TO BE AROUND ME. THIS WAS HIS ONLY WAY NOTHINGGGGGGGGG ELSE WAS WORKING AND HE DID ALOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT OF CRUELTY TO GET RID OF ME!! THIS IS WHAT ABUSERS DO WHEN SOMEONE-ME IS TRYING TO FREE THEIR VICTIM!! I DO WISH YOU EVERYTHING THAT IS GOOD AND KIND AND MUCH JOY WITH YOUR OWN FAMILY AND FRIENDS!! WHEN I FORGAVE MY MOTHER NOT FORGOT I FELT A FREEINGGGGGGGGGGG OF MY HEART!!! BEFORE IT WAS IN HER CHAINS WANTING SO DESPERATELY TO HAVE THINGS DIFFERENT AND THE LOVE AND ACCEPTANCE ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL CHILDREN WANT AND NEED. I ALSO REALIZED SHE DID NOT KNOW HOW AND SHE TOOK OUT ON HER KIDS-ME AND MY SIBLINGS WHAT SHE HAD HAD TO GO THRU AS A CHILD. WE CAN ALLLLLLLLLLLLL CHANGE THINGS WITH ALOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT OF KINDNESSS LOVE, PATIENCE AND THE WILLINGNESS TO DO ALOTTTTTTTT OF GOOD OLD FASHION HARDDDDDDDDDD WORK!! TAKE GOOD CARE REBECCA

Rebecca - posted on 08/02/2012

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DEAR SHAWNN, I READ YOUR RESPONSE AGAIN AND AGAIN AND ONCE AGAIN I AM SO VERYYYYYYY SORRY FOR YOUR PAIN AND THE CRUELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL INSULTS YOUR MOTHER INFLICTED UPON YOU!! I HAD AN EXTREMEEEEEEEEEEELY CRUEL MOTHER MYSELF AND I KNOW THE PAINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN OF THOSE WORDS THAT STAB SO DEEPLY YOU WONDER IIF YOU WILL EVERRRRRRRRRR STOP BLEEDING? I TRYED WITH EVERYTHING I HAD TO NOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT BE THE MOM I WAS CURSED WITH!! I AM SURE YOU ARE AND HAVE DONE THE SAME. I AM ALMOST 60 IN A FEW DAYS AND I STILL HAVE TO WORK ON NOTTTTTTTTT ALLOWING THOSE POISONOUS WORDS COME TO SURFACE? AS MOTHERS WE ARE ALWAYSSSSS PUT UNDER THE MICROSCOPE OF JUDGEMENT BY OUR KIDS FRIENDS FAMILY AND SO MANY OTHERS?? THIS HURTS AND IS UNFAIR BUT IT HAPPENS ALL OF THE TIME TO THE BEST OF US. IT TO ME SOUNDS LIKE YOUR MOTHER HAS SOME JEALOUSY OF YOU AND SHE KNOWS SHE MADE SOME HURTFUL MISTAKES BUT SHE IS SO DETERMINED TO STAY ON THAT PEDESTAL OF PERFECTION SO SHE DOESN"T HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE HER TRUE FEELINGS? ALSO SHE SOUNDS AFRAID OF BEING CLOSE SO SHE DOES WHAT SHE HAS TO TO KEEP YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN AND MAYBE OTHERS AT A DISTANCE SO SHE DOESN"T HAVE TO FEEL THOSE FEELINGS OF LOSS OR ANY FEELINGS THAT ARE UNCOMFORTABLE FOR HER? ALOTTTTTTT OF WOMEN ARE JEALOUS OF THEIR DAUGHTERS NOT SPEAKING OF MYSELF. THIS IS CHILDISH SELFISH AND SOOOOOOOOOO SOOOOOOOOOOOOO SILLY!! ALOT OF WOMEN ALSO DO NOT WANT TO GROW OLDER OR ADMIT THEY HAVE GROWN CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN WHICH IS TO ME ALSO RIDICULOUS!!! WE ALL WILL BE PUT UNDER THE MICROSCOPE AND ANYONE WANTING TO FIND THE FAULTS INSTEAD OF THE GOOD CAN CERTAINTLY FIND THEM? HURT TURNS INTO ANGER AND ANGER TURNS US INTO SOMEONE WE SHOULD NOT BE!! I WISH YOU PEACE AND COURAGE AND ANSWERS TO THE WHYSSSSSSSSSSS OF THIS PAINFUL WASTED RELATIONSHIP! TRYING TO TALK TO YOUR MOTHER WITHOUT POINTING YOUR FINGER AT HER FAULTS MAYBE THE TWO OF YOU CAN COME TO SOME FORGIVENESS AND UNDERSTANDING AND BEGIN A NEW PATH? LIFE IS TOOOOOOOOOOO SHORT TO WASTE IT IN ANGER AND THROW AWAY THE LOVE!! AS WE ALL KNOW GOOD RELATIONSHIPS COME WITH ALOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT OF HARD WORK AND MUCH FORGIVENESS!! ALSO IF I DIDN"T SAY THIS MY DAUGHTERS ABUSIVE HUSBAND USED BEING ATTRACTED TO ME ONLY AS A WAY OF ISOLATING AND MAKING SUREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE MY DAUGHTER WOULD HATE ME AND WOULD NOT WANT TO BE AROUND ME. THIS WAS HIS ONLY WAY NOTHINGGGGGGGGG ELSE WAS WORKING AND HE DID ALOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT OF CRUELTY TO GET RID OF ME!! THIS IS WHAT ABUSERS DO WHEN SOMEONE-ME IS TRYING TO FREE THEIR VICTIM!! I DO WISH YOU EVERYTHING THAT IS GOOD AND KIND AND MUCH JOY WITH YOUR OWN FAMILY AND FRIENDS!! WHEN I FORGAVE MY MOTHER NOT FORGOT I FELT A FREEINGGGGGGGGGGG OF MY HEART!!! BEFORE IT WAS IN HER CHAINS WANTING SO DESPERATELY TO HAVE THINGS DIFFERENT AND THE LOVE AND ACCEPTANCE ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL CHILDREN WANT AND NEED. I ALSO REALIZED SHE DID NOT KNOW HOW AND SHE TOOK OUT ON HER KIDS-ME AND MY SIBLINGS WHAT SHE HAD HAD TO GO THRU AS A CHILD. WE CAN ALLLLLLLLLLLLL CHANGE THINGS WITH ALOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT OF KINDNESSS LOVE, PATIENCE AND THE WILLINGNESS TO DO ALOTTTTTTTT OF GOOD OLD FASHION HARDDDDDDDDDD WORK!! TAKE GOOD CARE REBECCA

Carla - posted on 07/24/2012

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Dear Shawnn, I am so sorry for what you have gone through. It sounds as though your mother has some difficulty accepting you and your family, while preferring your brother and his family. Unfortunately, this is somewhat common.
However, she did this to you herself. What I, and I believe the others are bothered by, are the poisoning of our childrens minds by the other parent who is toxic. I, personally, can say that my two families have been my whole life, and as my daughter just came back into my life, she backs that. My 11 year old son still tells me things that his father says about me to him. I imagine that will end in the near future. This man has a history of doing this to all of his children...4 by 3 different women. Only one remains in contact with his mother. I actually watched him in action with my son's next older brother, and that with his controlling nature made me leave him right away. I make sure to stay in contact and insist on my visitations with my sons, even though at times it is difficult. My son struggles with this dichotomy that his father has planted in him. None the less , I refuse to walk away as the other mothers had to do. This causes a whole lot of friction between his father and myself, he is used to having beaten the other mothers by this time. So, I do behave as a good concerned parent, and talk with him at least 4 hours a week, and try to help him resolve his difficulties reconciling the things he hears and what he actually observes and experiences. I support my son's interests,and encourage him to try new things, even though his father will not let him be in any sports or extra-curricular activities. My son has my vocabulary, and when he says a word greater than 5 letters, his father says "big word", and makes him dumb it down. I've heard it. Ok, this may come in useful later in his working life, but I see it as a way to discourage his intelligence to blossom. He can do that here.
Again, I am sorry for the loss of your mother to you, if only she could see what wonderful human beings you all are.
Sincerely, Carla

Shawnn - posted on 07/24/2012

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Oh, well, apparently I DID miss the caveat that you all only want people to sympathize, but not post opinions.

That being said, I guess i'll remove myself from this group.

I assumed (my mistake) that you would welcome input.

NEVER DID I JUDGE and I am appalled that of course, everyone thinks they're being picked on because someone brings up a point that makes them uncomfortable.

Rebecca, I withdraw my offer to listen. You obviously didn't to me.

Ladies, I leave it as I posted: YOU PROBABLY DID DO THE BEST THAT YOU COULD FOR YOUR KIDS, (I see you missed that line, you probably missed most of the post...but hey, who's to blame you, you're only looking for people with like minds). But somewhere along the way, you missed something. It may not have seemed like much to you, but it was the WORLD to your kids, and that's the point where they started distancing themselves.

I only gave you a few examples of my mother. And, as I said, I haven't withdrawn her grandkids completely, only controlled the circumstances in which she's allowed.

I, for one, am glad that I took the steps necessary to protect MY FAMILY and MY FUTURE.

Oh, and by the way...Judgement is left to my God. I don't judge. I offer opinions. And when the forum is an open one, those opinions may not be agreed with...Oh well. I move on.

Shawnn - posted on 07/24/2012

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You're welcome, Ms. Mskopof. Any time.

It's not my fault if you think my views are narrowminded. However, if that's the way that you've approached your relationship with your children, by poo-pooing their opinions and input, then I'm not surprised that you're having a rough go now.

Again, I am not apologizing for posting. I actually assumed that, being on a board of women OVER 40, WITH CHILDREN OF ALL AGES, that i'd be in a community of more mature people, who have a different outlook on life, perhaps one more akin to my own.

However, I'm finding, just as with women who are significantly younger than I, that certain women over 40 have never grown up either.

Why, Ms. Muskopof, did you decide that I deliberately targeted YOU with my response? Why have you now started shaming me, and trying to guilt me into retracting my post? Is this not a board for women? Women who have been children, who now have children, and who are looking for opinions? That's where I thought I was. Pardon me for not seeing the caveat "don't post on this topic if you don't agree wholeheartedly with what i'm saying"...No, wait, don't because it wasn't there.

Why have you determined that YOU ARE 100% CORRECT, and I am 100% wrong? Just because I pointed out that, not always is it the "fault" of any one person, but perhaps that of BOTH PARTIES??? Just because I posted a differing point of view, from that of the CHILD who has made the decision to remove themselves from a relationship that isn't beneficial?

Do you, perhaps, believe that my opinion is invalidated because I'm not a parent of fully grown adult children? Why is my view, in your opinion, narrow minded? Because I've stated my experience, and how I, as the second person in that relationship, chose to handle it?

Mind you, I've never withheld my children from my mother, but I have censored her in what she is allowed to talk about. So are you upset because someone found a compromise that's working for them, and she's able to see her grandchildren?

Granted, maybe I'd have a better understanding if I'd actually come in and said "BEV, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT FOR BEING THE HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE PERSON THAT YOU ARE".

But, see, I didn't do that. I simply posted a question: Has anyone looked at it from your kid's point of view. Have you done a, b, or c...?

Hey, if people are reading that much into what I'm posting, maybe I'll be successful as a fiction writer?

Shawnn - posted on 07/24/2012

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Wow, Bev, some misplaced anger?

I posted my POV from MY experience. NOT FROM YOURS. But, if you chose to take my post as "blaming you", then...well...that's your issue, now isn't it? No, I did not BLAME YOU for one damned thing, Bev, I responded to a post. Period.

If you took offense at my response, perhaps you should look at the part that offended you, examine that, and see if, perhaps, it could apply to your own life, and the decisions that you have made regarding your children.

If YOUR SON chose to cut you out of his life, that is HIS DECISION. If you cannot get a good explanation from him, then I'm sorry, but I will NOT apologize for posting a viewpoint that "hurt your feelings".

My post was simply to point out that, sometimes, your adult children have their own reasons for doing something, and you may not agree, nor may you ever understand, but perhaps, JUST PERHAPS, you have BOTH been contributing factors to that situation.

Shame on you for trying to make me feel shameful for posting my point of view. You sound exactly like my mother. CASE IN POINT.

Rebecca, thanks for your understanding. I hope your situation works out well for you, because all in all, you have done fine from what I can see, and it's your children in this case...I've noticed that sometimes the adopted kids can be harder in that respect. PM me if you need.

Rebecca - posted on 07/24/2012

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DEAR SHAWNN. I AM SOOOOO SORRY THAT YOU HAVE BEEN HURT SO BADLY BY YOUR MOTHER! I HAD A MONSTERRRRRR FOR A MOTHER!! I ADMIT I AM NOT NOR HAVE I EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR BEEN PERFECT. I LOST 10 BABIES BEFORE WE ADOPTED OUR TWO BEAUTIFULLLLLLLLLLLLLLL CHILDREN AND I MADE A PROMISE TO THEM TO BE THE BEST MOM I COULD BE TOTALLY UNLIKE MY MOTHER. I DID JUST THAT, BUT I MADE MANY OTHER MISTAKES NEVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR WITH THE INTENT OF HURTING MY CHILDREN. MY DAUGHTER AND SON AND I ALWAYSSSSSSSSSSS HAD A VERY OPEN CLOSE RELATIONSHIP AND YES I DID LISTEN. WE COULD TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING. I KNOW I MADE MISTAKES WITH MY CHILDREN I AM HUMAN! I HAVE ASKED FOR FORGIVENESS AND SO HAVE MY CHILDREN. MY DAUGHTER USED TO BEAT ME UP WHEN SHE WAS A TEEN ALMOST BREAKING MY JAW!!! MY EX PUT US THRU A NIGHTMARE LIFE LEFT US PENNILESS AND PUT A CONTRACT OUT ON US!! MY DAUGHTER HAD TO GROW UP VERYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY FAST AT AGE 12 AND BECOME THE OTHER ADULT SO I COULD WORK AND TRY AND SUPPORT US TO KEEP US OFF OF THE STREETS! MY SON BEING BRAIN DAMAGED WAS A 24 HOUR CHILD!!!!!!!! I HAD TO BE ON GUARD 24/7 TO PROTECT MY CHILDREN!!! I WAS A DEVOTED MOTHER BEARRRRRRRRRRR TRYING TO PROTECT MY CUBS!! OUR NIGHTMARE STORY HAS NEVERRRRRRRRRRR ENDED AND THE PAINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN AND HEALTH ISSUES AND ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL OF THE REPURCUSSINS FROM MY EXS ABUSE LEFT OUR-MY CHILDREN WITH TREMENDOUS MENTAL CHALLENGES!!! DID I DO EVERYTHING RIGHT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! DOES ANYYYYYYYYYYYY MOTHER DO EVERYTHINGGGGGGGGGGGGG RIGHT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I ADORED MY CHILDREN AND STILL DO. MY DAUGHTER PLUNGED RIGHT INTO THE ARMS OF HER ABUSIVE HUSBAND WHO HAS DONE NOTHING BUT CAUSE PROBLEMS BETWEEN US! MY SON IS ALSO WITH A VERY ABUSIVE YOUNG WOMAN WITH SEVERE MENTAL ISSUES! I HAVE HAD TO BE THEIR ROCK THEIR BANK THEIR ADVOCATE THEIR PROTECTOR THEIR SPOKES-PERSON AND ON AND ON AND ON!!! I CAN HONESTLY SAY IN FRONT OF GOD I WAS A VERY GOOD MOTHER AND HAVE BEEN TOLD THIS BY MANYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY WHO KNOW ME INCLUDING MY EX. I ALSO BECAME THE MOM TO MANYYYYYYYYYYYYYY OF MY CHILDRENS FRIENDS WHO WERE BEING ABUSED AFTER I FINALLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY GOT MY EX TO MOVE OUT. THE PROBLEM BETWEEN MY DAUGHTER AND MYSELF IS THAT HER ABUSIVE HUSBAND CONVINCED HER THAT HE WANTED TO BE WITH ME INSTEAD OF HER. I HAD NOTHINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG TO DO WITH THIS OR WITH HIM. I CANNOTTTTTTTTTTTTTT STAND THE CREEP!!!!! YOU ARE ENTITLED TO YOUR PAIN AND HOW YOU FEEL BUT DO YOU REALLY THINK IT IS FAIR TO JUDGE US NOT EVEN KNOWING US OR WHAT WE HAVE DONE OR BEEN THRU? NO MATTER WHO YOU WOULD HAVE HAD FOR A MOTHER SHE WOULD HAVE MADE MANY MISTAKES. I NEVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR BY THE WAY TALKED MEAN TO MY GRANDKIDS OR MY CHILDREN. AS I SAID SHAWNN YOU ARE ENTITLED TO YOUR FEELINGS BUT WE ARE ALSO ENTITLED TO OUR PAIN AND OUR FEELINGS. WE ALL NEED A SAFE PLACE TO GO TO BE ABLE TO EXPRESS OUR GRIEF WITHOUT JUDGEMENT OR CRITICISM. NO ONE ELSE IN INSIDE OUR HEART OR OUR PAST?? ALOT OF PEOPLE ARE NOT CUT OUT TO BE A PARENT. JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN HAVE A BABY DOES NOT MEAN YOU WILL OR CAN BE A GOOD PARENT? PLEASE TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF AND TRY TO TALK TO YOUR FAMILY WITHOUT ANYBODYS INFLUENCE OF WHAT YOU SAY OR FEEL? IT ISN"T FAIR FOR YOU TO BE ANGRY AT ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL MOMS BECAUSE YOU HAVE BEEN HURT BY YOUR OWN. I AM SORRY AS I SAID FOR YOUR PAIN BUT WE ARE ALL SUFFERING ENOUGH AND WE CANNOT MAKE YOUR MOTHER BE DIFFERENT OR ERASE WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN THRU? ANGER ONLY HURTS EVERYBODY! AS YOU GROW OLDER MAYBE THINGS WILL GET EASIER FOR YOU I PRAY? ALSO SOME PEOPLE ARE HIGHLY CRITICAL NO MATTER WHAT? YES MY SON AND I TALK SOMETIMES 10 TIMES A DAY. MY DAUGHTER IS A BIG GIRL AND NEEDS TO TAKE OFF HER BLINDERS? JUST REMEMBER NO ONE COMES IN A PERFECT PACKAGE INCLUDING PARENTS! TAKE GOOD CARE AND DO A BETTER JOB FOR YOUR KIDS? REBECCA

Carla - posted on 07/23/2012

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Rebecca, Thank you for the words of encouragement. It's a hard thing to go through. If we just hang on, and keep praying, eventually all will be well. If not, then at least we know we HAVE loved them to the best of our ability, and perhaps someday the lost child (children) will re-enter our lives. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you struggle as I do.

Rebecca - posted on 07/23/2012

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DEAR CARLA, I AM SORRY IT HAS TAKEN ME SO LONG TO RESPOND TO YOU. I WROTE TO YOU BEFORE AND ACCIDENTALLY BUMPED THE MOUSE AND LOST IT!! FIRST LET ME SAY HOW MUCH I AM SORRY FOR YOUR PAIN AND THE PAIN FOR ALL OF US WHO HAVE HAD SUCH A TREMENDOUSSSSS LOSS!!! PAT GAVE ME SOME GOOD ADVICE? TO GO ON WITH MY LIFE WHICH SOME DAYS I FIND THIS HARDER TO DO BUT IT IS A REALITY! THE ONE THING THAT IS SOOOOOOOOO VERY HARD FOR US AS LOVING PARENTS IS TO HAVE NO CHOICES AND TO BE FORCED INTO THE REALIZATION THAT OUR CHILDREN ARE ADULTS BY LAW AND THERE IS NOT MUCH WE CAN DO TO MAKE THEM COME AROUND AND TREAT US AS THEY SHOULD? I JUST FEEL FORTUNATE THAT MY SON AND I ARE STILL CLOSE. I HURT BADLY FOR HIM AS WELL LOOSING HIS ONLY SISTER AND NIECE AND NEPHEW WHEN MY 2 CHILDREN AND I WERE ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL WE HAD! MY SONS GIRLFRIEND ALSO REFUSES TO ALLOW MY SON AND THE BABY TO BE A FAMILY WITH ME BUT MY SON CONTINUES TO TALK TO ME AND SEE ME. I DO KNOW OUTSIDE INFLUENCES SUCH AS MY DAUGHTERS HUSBAND AND HIS FAMILY HAVE A GREATTTTTTTTTT IMPACT ON THEIR BEHAVIORS!!! I LIKE ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL MOMS WAS NOT PERFECT BUT I WAS A VERY GOOD AND LOVING DEVOTED MOM!! MY CHILDREN WERE PROGRAMMED AT EARLY AGES TO HATE ME AND TO BE CRUEL TO ME AND TO EVEN CALL ME NAMES AND TO HURT ME BECAUSE I WAS NOT WORTH ANYTHINGGGGG!! THIS IS NOTTTTTTTTT UNCOMMON FROM EXS!!! YOU ARE A VERYYYYY BRAVE WOMAN TO HAVE BEEN ABLE TO GET AWAY FROM YOUR ABUSER WHILE PREGNANT! THIS IS EXTREMELYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY DIFFICULT FOR MOST WOMEN!! YOU HAVE MY RESPECT FOR THIS! I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO FEEL ANYMORE AFTER 11 YEARS BUT I DO PITY MY DAUGHTER WHEN IT COMES AROUND TO HER FOR HER LIES AND CRUELTY TOWARDS ME AND HER BROTHER!!! I WILL ALWAYS PRAY FOR HER AND MISS HER AND I DO WISH HER THE VERY BEST OUT OF LOVE BUT NO ONE EVERRRRRRRR GETS BY WITH CRUELTY FOREVER!! I DO NOT FULLY BLAME MY DAUGHTER FOR HER BEHAVIORS BUT SHE HAS HAD MULTIPLEEEEEEEEEEEE CHANCES TO CONTACT ME AND SHE STILL CHOOSES TO WEAR HER BLINDERS AND BLAME ME FOR ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL OF HER PROBLEMS, HURTS, AND FOR THINGS THAT HAPPENED THAT I KNEW NOTHINGGGGGGGGGGGGGG ABOUT!!! I STILL HOPE AND PRAY FOR A CALL OR LETTER OR SOMETHING BUT I HAVE MOVED ON AND DO NOT DEVOTE MUCH ENERGY TO MY GRIEVING FOR HER ANY LONGER! I HAVE AND AM REACHING OUT TO OTHERS WHO WANT ME IN THEIR LIFE AND BE A SUPPORT FOR THEM? MY SON HAS A SEVERE BRAIN INJURY BECAUSE OF MY EX AND I AM BECOMMING INVOLVED IN LEARNING AND SUPPORTING FAMILY MEMBERS OF BRAIN INJURED VICTIMS. I AM ALSO FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE LEARNING HOW TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF SO I CAN KEEP STRONGER AND MY HEALTH WILL NOT SUFFER SO MUCH!! I COUNT MY BLESSINGS EACH DAY I TAKE ONE DAY AT THE TIME AND I TRY VERY VERY HARD TO PUT MY PAIN AND HURT AND CONFUSION AND THE EMPTYNESS IN A CUBBY HOLE SO I CAN DO WHAT I HAVE TO TO GET BY EACH DAY AND NOT ALLOW MYSELF TO BE CONSUMED ANY LONGER OVER SOMETHING I HAVE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO CONTROL OVER!!! IN A SENSE I HAVE BURIED THE PAST OF WHAT WAS AND CONCENTRATE ON WHAT IS? I DO NOT WANT TO WASTE MY SHORT LIFE SPENDING IT ONLY IN GRIEF!!! I HAVE CHRONIC HEALTH ISSUES AND STRESS DOES NOT MAKE THINGS ANY BETTER FOR ANY OF US!!! LIFE IS SHORT AND LOVE IS FOREVER!!! WE DON"T LOVE BECAUSE SOMEONE IS PERFECTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!! TAKE GOOD CARE AND I DO CARE ABOUT ALL OF U ON THIS JOURNEY! TAKE GOOD CARE AND FIND YOUR SMILES?? REBECCA

Chaya - posted on 07/17/2012

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I'm out of my daughters loop because I'm not her age, I'm straight, she's a lesbian,(which is fine with me) and I don't have a lot of the same interests she does, but if I don't listen to her telling me about Dr. Who, she won't come to me for anything as an adult. I'm not estranged from her, I'm just 30 years older

Carla - posted on 07/17/2012

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I have a couple of similar situatuations. My first family was as a step-mother to 2 lovely children, a boy and a girl. Both are now in their 30's, and I haven't seen my step-son in nearly 10 years. My step-daughter, on the other hand, has remained in contact except for a brief period of estrangement when her father got himself his first girlfriend after our divorce in 2001. The girlfriend has major addiction issues, and other things best not gone into here. My daughter used to be there with her dad every week at least twice, but now only her husband visits him. My step-son lives with them. I have tried to communicate with him every year, but I'm afraid it's a losing cause. I'm so grateful my daughter decided to get back to communicating with me!
After the divorce, I met a man that I liked, andwe were living together. I was on birth control, and never having had a baby (husband refused to allow it), I got pregnant. I had already left him by then, because he has the same total control issues that my ex had. he was awarded primary placement with joint legal custody, as i have bi-polar disorder and he convinced the judge I was a risk to my son. I had a lousy lawyer. So this is how it has been since 2006. The father is all the time bad-mouthing me, and my son is showing the effects of this. Hee has no respect for me or the family I have built, to the point that we dread his coming here (he's 11). I hate feeling this way, and believe that if the primary placement were switched, he would be much more social and respectful. Until I can afford a lawyer, what can I do to mitigate the effects of the PAS? I'm so hurting here.

Chaya - posted on 07/06/2012

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Unless you can prove her incompetence, you can't do anything to make her want you in her life.
For me, my dad's wife knowingly and willingly created the animosity. I never let her see my son, and only let her see my daughter after she agreed to refrain from creating further problems. My dad was deaf, and his most recent wife was mentally ill, I hope, if she wasn't, she is burning in hell.
Certianly, look into forcing her to allow you to see the child if that's what works for you. I'd do it if my kids kept me from my grandchildren. I don't know what's right or wrong for you, nor do I know you or your daughter.

Rebecca - posted on 07/05/2012

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DEAR PAT, THANK YOU FOR TAKING THE TIME TO REACH OUT TO ME. IT IS LATE AND THE FIREWORKS CONTINUE MAKING IT IMPOSSIBLE TO SLEEP!! MY HEALTH IS NOT GOOD AND HAS BEEN DECLINING FOR YEARS AND MY DAUGHTER IS AWARE OF THIS WHICH MAKES IT MUCH MORE PAINFUL!! I LOST 10 BABIES BEFORE I WAS BLESSED WITH OUR TWO CHILDREN TWO PRECIOUS GIFTS FROM GOD!!! I DID NOT HAVE A SUPPORTIVE HEALTHY FAMILY AND MY CHILDREN ARE ALL I HAVE EVER HAD AS FAMILY. I HAVE NEVER DENIED THEM THEIR OWN CHOICES OR LIFE AND HAVE KEPT MY PLACE TRYING TO NEVER INTERFERE. I TOOK IN MANY OF THEIR FRIENDS WHO WERE BEING ABUSED AND I WAS KILLING MYSELF TO GIVE THEM WHAT THEY NEEDED AND WANTED AS I THOUGHT GOOD MOTHERS DO? MY MOTHER NEVERRRRRRRRRRRRRR SACRIFICED ANYTHING FOR HER CHILDREN WE SACRIFICIED FOR HER!! MY MOTHER WAS FARRRRRRRRRRRRR FROM A MOTHER BUT I SHOWED HER RESPECT AND TRYED TO HELP HER AND COMFORT HER WHEN I FOUND OUT ABOUT HER TERRIBLE CHILDHOOD. MY DAUGHTER PUT A RESTRAINING ORDER ON ME AFTER I DID A WELFARE CHECK ON HER. SHE UP AND LEFT HER HOME WITH HER FAMILY AND NO ONE KNEW IF SHE WAS DEADDDDDDDDDDDDDD OR ALIVE?? IT TOOK ME YEARS TO FIND HER!! THE WOMENS CRISIS LINE AND MY SUPPORT GROUP SUGGESTED A WELFARE CHECK WHEN I FINALLY FOUND HER AFTER MANY YEARS OF PANIC AND PAIN!!! THE ONLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY REASON THE ORDER WAS PUT ON ME WAS BECAUSE OF HEALTH REASONS I COULD NOT SHOW UP AT COURT. MY LITTLE GRANDSON WANTING TO LIVE WITH ME MADE HER HUSBAND TOTALLY DETERMINED TO GET ME OUT OF THE PICTURE!! I JUST COULD NOT BELIEVE THIS WAS HAPPENING TO ME?? MY SON HAS ALSO BEEN CRUSHED AS WELL!!! I AM ASHAMED TO SAY THIS BUT MY DAUGHTER IS A HABITUAL LIAR BUT THE JUDGE DID NOTTTTTTTTT BELIEVE HER LIES!! I WENT TO AN ATTORNEY LATER AND SHE SAID THE JUDGE HAD NOOOO CHOICE SINCE I DID NOT APPEAR. TO DO THIS TO YOUR ILL MOTHER WAS ANOTHER NIGHTMARE!!! I DO HAVE A FEW FRIENDS NOW BUT DUE TO MY HEALTH ISSUES I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LIMITED IN MY SOCIAL LIFE ANYMORE. MY DAUGHTER STARTED THIS JEALOUSY AND COMPETITION WHEN SHE WAS AROUND 3 AND IT CONTINUED AS SHE GOT OLDER. SHE LIED ABOUT ME AND TO ME CONTINUALLY AND SHE BLAMES ME THAT I DID NOT KNOW MY EX WAS ABUSING HER? I HAD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO IDEA AND SHE COULD NOT TELL OUT OF FEARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! SHE HAD A HARD CHILDHOOD BUT SO DID I AND I DO NOT AND WOULD NOT TREAT SOMEONE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO UNKIND!!! YES WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND AND I PITY THE COME AROUND FOR HER!!! I DO NOT EXPECT NOR NEED MY KIDS TO TAKE CARE OF ME BUT I DO AND DID EXPECT SOME RESPECT AND A LOVING RELATIONSHIP WITH YES SOME APPRECIATION. SHE HAS TREATED ME LIKE A CRIMINAL BUT YET SHE IS MARRIED TO A REAL CRIMINAL BUT CANNOT SEE BECAUSE SHE CHOOSES NOT TO SEE!! IF I COULD GET OUT MORE I MAYBE WOULD BE ABLE TO MAKE A NEW FAMILY AND FRIENDS BUT I WILL ALWAYS HAVE THIS EMPTY SPOT IN MY HEART!! I DO HOPE YOU HAD A VERY HAPPY 4TH? TAKE GOOD CARE AND THANK YOU AGAIN. REBECCA

Pat - posted on 07/04/2012

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@Rebecca, Please do not allow your lack of a relationship with your child to rob you of the life you deserve. Once they are grown we have NO real affect on their lives. Your child will do what they want to do. Your daughter may be successful in what she does but one day this will come back to her... meanwhile unfortunately that could take years or decades. You should NOT put your life on hold because of her decision. YOU need YOUR life. I know the pain of having a daughter walk out of your life but I will not allow that to hold me down. Those of us who are innocent and who did no harm to our children can hold our heads up high and KNOW we did everything we could. I will NOT stop living or loving others. The people in my life may not be from my gene pool... but my gene pool was pretty shallow anyway! So I have built a life of people who LOVE ME and who expect nothing from me. They do not use me as I feel our daughter did. They are in my life because they WANT to be not because they feel they have to be. I hope for YOU that you can find that same acceptance.

Rebecca - posted on 07/04/2012

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TO ALL OF US WHO ARE WITHOUT OUR CHILD OR CHILDREN OUR HEART IS GRIEVING FOR I CERTAINTLY UNDERSTAND!! THE HOLIDAYS ARE THE HARDEST FOR ME AS I AM SURE FOR MANYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY OF YOU? I COULD BE WITH FRIENDS TODAY BUT HAVE DECLINED SO MANY TIMES THEY QUIT ASKING. WHICH IS OK WITH ME. I WOULD RATHER BE ALONE TODAY IN MY THOUGHTS AND SADNESS THAN TO MAKE SOMEONE ELSE MISERABLE WITH MY GRIEF!!! I SAW A PICTURE OF MY DAUGHTER WHO IS NOW A REAL ESTATE AGENT AND NOW BROKER. I AM SO PROUD OF HER ACCOMPLISHMENTS BUT I AM NOT PROUD OF HER BEHAVIORS TOWARDS ME AND HER ONLY BROTHER THAT SHE HAS ALSO LEFT HIM HEART BROKEN!!! SHE HAS PLENTY OF CHANCES TO BE WITH THE BOTH OF US WITHOUT HER ABUSIVE HUSBAND FINDING OUT. I DO NOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT UNDERSTAND THIS AT ALL ANYMORE??? I USED TO MAKE EXCUSES AND I THOUGHT I KNEW GOOD REASONS WHEN SHE WAS TOTALLY ISOLATED FROM THE WORLD BUT NOW??? I DO WORRY ABOUT HER CHILDREN SO MUCH AND HER SANITY AND THE CHOICES SHE CONTINUES TO MAKE?? HOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW CAN YOU JUST THROW AWAY YOUR MOTHER AND ONLY BROTHER? I KEEP BUSY AND I REACH OUT TO OTHERS AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE BUT THERE IS ALWAYSSSSSSSS AN EMPTY PLACE WHERE MY DAUGHTER SHOULD BE!! HER HUSBANDS FAMILY ARE ALL HEAVY DRINKERS AND GET VERY ABUSIVE AND VIOLENT WHEN DRINKING AND THIS IS WHAT SHE AND HER CHILDREN ARE SUBJECTED TO DAILY AND ESPECIALLY ON THE HOLIDAYS!! I DO KNOW THE POWER AND THE PROGRAMMING AN EX CAN HAVE OVER OUR CHILDREN AS WELL AS OTHER ABUSERS. WELL TO ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL OF YOU TODAY THANK YOU FOR LISTENING AND ONCE AGAIN I AM SO SO SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS AND THE ULTIMATE PAINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN THAT WE ARE ALL SUFFERING AS THIS HOLIDAY AND EACH DAY GOES ON!!! GODS BLESSINGS ON EACH OF YOU AND I AM STILL PRAYING FOR A MIRACLE?? FOR ALL OF US. TAKE CARE AND I HOPE YOU CAN FIND SOMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE FORM OF HAPPINESS OR ATLEAST CONTENT AS WE FACE THE LONELINESS??

Rebecca - posted on 06/24/2012

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HI BEV, IT IS LATE AT NIGHT SO PLEASE EXCUSE AND FORGIVE ANY MISTAKES OF WRONG WORDS OR WRITING GOOF-UPS? I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO WRITE TO YOU FOR A FEW DAYS BUT EACH TIME I AM INTERRUPTED SO HERE I AM AGAIN. I DO UNDERSTAND THAT IT NEVER STOPS HURTING AND LIKE YOU I ALSO DO NOT UNDERSTAND HOW OUR CHILDREN CAN TURN THEIR BACK ON THEIR MOTHER WHO LOVES THEM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO VERY MUCH!!! I HAVE DONE EVERYTHING TO TRY AND RE-CONNECT WITH MY DAUGHTER AND HAVE PRAYED SO MUCH I HAV RUN OUT OF WORDS SO NOW I AM JUST LETTING GOD DO WHAT HE THINKS IS BEST?? THIS IS MY BELIEF AND I WILL SAY IT IS VERY HARD TO BACK OFF AND NOT TRY TO MAKE THINGS HAPPEN THE WAY MY HEART IS HOPING FOR!! MY DAUGHTER HAS LIED ABOUT ME SINCE SHE WAS A TEEN ESPECIALLY AND HAS CONTINUED THIS DESTRUCTIVE PATTERN INTO ADULT!!! MY EX TAUGHT HER THIS WHEN HE WAS ABUSING HER!!! I HAVE BEEN CONFRONTED BY MANY WHO KNEW ME AND COULD NOT BELIEVE WHAT SHE HAD SAID ABOUT ME?? I GUESS I WOULD SAY I AM IN NUMB RIGHT NOW AND FOR ME THIS IS WHERE I HAVE TO STAY IN ORDER TO BE ABLE TO COPE?? 11YEARS SEEMS LIKE A FOREVER!! I DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT WORDS AND WILL NOT PRETEND TO HAVE THEM? WE ALL HAVE ALOT IN COMMON BUT AT THE SAME TIME WE ARE EACH DIFFERENT IN OUR LIVES AND THE WAY WE HANDLE OUR HEART PAIN!!! I SUFFER DAILY WITH A SON WHO HAS SHAKEN BABY SYNDROME AND MANY OTHER DISSABILITIES BECAUSE OF MY EX LEAVING HIM WITH MPD=DID MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER AND HIS GIRLFRIEND SUFFERS FROM THE SAME. THEY HAVE A BABY NOW 21 MONTHS OLD WHICH I WORRY ABOUT EVERY BREATH I TAKE!!! I AM NOT ALLOWED TO SEE HIM SO I CANNOT SEE HOW HE SUFFERS AND TO BE ABLE TO GIVE HIM A SAFE LOVING PLACE TO COME TO GRAMMYS HOUSE. MY DAUGHTERS SON AT AGE 3 WANTED TO LIVE WITH ME CAUSING HER ABUSIVE HUSBAND MORE DETERMINED NOT TO ALLOW ME TO SEE THEIR CHILDREN EITHER!! I HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG BUT I TREAT CHILDREN WITH RESPECT AND FUN AND A LOVING GRANDMA FULL OF LOVE TO GIVE TO THEM AS WELL AS ENDLESS PATIENCE!!! MY DAUGHTER WOULD SNEAK THE CHILDREN OVER TO SEE ME WHEN SHE COULD? I WASN"T EVEN ALLOWED TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL WHEN SHE HAD MY GRANDAUGHTER!! MY PRECIOUS GRANSON CRYED FOR ME DAILY AND THREATENED TO RUN AWAY TO MY HOUSE WHEN HE GOT BIGGER!! SO THEY MOVED INTO THE WOODS INTO ANOTHER STATE DISSAPERAING FOR YEARS!!! I HAVE A SPOTLESS RECORD WITH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HISTORY OF ANY FORM OF ABUSE! I HAVE WORKED WITH CHILDREN IN MANY DIFFERENT JOBS ALL OF MY LIFE FROM MY YOUNG CHILDHOOD. I WAS CALLED A GODSEND AND MIRACLE WORKER WHILE WORKING FOR THE SCHOOL DISTRICT WHERE I LIVE!! IN 1998 I WAS SEVERLYYYYY INJURED WHILE WORKING WITH SOME AUTISTIC PRE-SCHOOLERS!!! I THEN BECAME VERYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY PHYSICALLY ILL BUT STILL TRYED TO ALWAYS BE THERE FOR MY KIDS AND GRANDKIDS AS WELL AS OTHER ABUSED KIDS... I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY YOUR SON HAS TREATED YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO UNKIND AND MAYBE NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW THE WHYSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS BEHIND OUR CHILDREN BREAKING OUR HEART??? I WAS A VERY GOOD MOTHER AND YES I DID AND DO MAKE MY MISTAKES BECAUSE I AM HUMAN BUT NEVER WITH THE PURPOSE OF DELIBERATELY HURTING MY KIDS OR ANYONE FOR THAT MATTER! I DO KNOW FIRST HAND HOW AN EX CAN AND WILL DO ANYTHINGGGGGGGGGGGGGG TO DESTROY YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR CHILDREN!! THIS IS BEYOND CRUELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL AND HOW CAN A MAN LOOK AT HIMSELF IN THE MIRROR WHEN THEY BEHAVE THIS WAY?? TO BE SUCH A SNAKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE THEY WILL GET THEIRS ONE DAY!!! I FEEL YOUR SORROW AND PAIN BUT AS I SAID I CANNOT TELL AND WILL NOT TRY TO TELL YOU OR ANYONE HOW TO DEAL WITH THEIR PAIN OF LOOSING A CHILD TO A DEATH OF SUCH HORRORS!!! THIS IS WORSE IN MANY WAYS THAN AN ACTUAL PHYSICAL DEATH! ATLEAST FOR ME. THE NOT KNOWING WHAT IS WRONG WHAT IS GOING ON AND WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT DID I EVERRRRRRRRRRRRR DO TO DESERVE OR CAUSE THIS?? WELL TAKING ONE DAY AT THE TIME AND KEEPING SO BUSY AS MUCH AS I CAN HELPS BUT WILL NEVERRRRRRRRRRRRRR TAKE THE PAIN!!! TAKE GOOD CARE AND I AM PRAYING FOR ALL OF US AND OUR BROKEN HEARTS!!! I AM IN YOUR CORNER. REBECCA ALSO I AM LEARNING NOT TO BLAME MYSELF FOR MY CHILDRENS ACTIONS.

Rebecca - posted on 06/21/2012

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DEAR BEV, I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO VERY SORRY FOR YOUR PAIN AND YOUR LOSS!! I CERTAINLY DO UNDERSTAND HOW IT NEVERRRRRRRRRRRRRR QUITS HURTING!!! I HAVN"T SEEN MY DAUGHTER TARA OR HER CHILDREN IN ALMOST 11 YEARS. I HAVE DONE NOTHINGGGGGGGGGGGG WRONG!!! I WILL PRAY AND HOPE FOR YOU THAT THINGS QUICKLY CHANGE? MY EX ALSO DID A BANG-UP JOB ON OUR CHILDREN TO MAKE THEM HATE ME AND TO TURN ON ME AND TRY TO DESTROY ME!!!! NOW IT IS MY DAUGHTERS HUSBAND WHO JUMPED RIGHT IN AND TOOK HER DADS PLACE!!! ALSO MY SONS GIRLFRIEND REFUSESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS TO ALLOW ME TO SEE MY 21 MONTH OLD GRANDSON AND HAS TRYED EVERYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY TRICK IN THE BOOK TO MAKE MY SON SAY GOOD-BYE AND AT TIMES HE DOES DO THIS FOR AWHILE!!! I HAVE GRIEVEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD SO SEVERLY AND CRYED A RIVER OVER AND OVER AND WRITTEN TO HER ONLY TO BE REJECTED ONCE AGAIN!! SHE ALSO KNOWS I AM IN VERYYYYYY BAD HEALTH AND YET NO WORRY NO CONTACT!!! I CANNOT TELL YOU BEV THAT I UNDERSTAND THIS BECAUSE I DO NOT AND NEVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR WILL!!! SHE ALSO AT ONE TIME IN SPITE OF MY EX LOVED ME VERYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY MUCH!!! HER SO-CALLED HUSBAND THAT SHE IS MARRIED TO CONVINCED HER THAT HE WANTED ME AND I WANTED HIM WHICH IN FRONT OF GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD THIS IS ONLY IN HIS PLOT TO MAKE HER HATE ME AND TO CAUSE AND CONTINUE TO CAUSE CONFLICT!!! HE IS THE DEVIL ALSO!!! I KNOW WHEN YOU ARE IN A WAR WHETHER IT BE IN THE MILITARY OR IN A DOMESTIC ABUSE BATTLE FOR YOUR LIFE THIS CHANGES OUR PRECIOUS CHILDREN IN THE DEEPEST AND WORSE WAYS THAT ARE HARD FOR US LOVING PARENTS TO UNDERSTAND THESE CHANGES WHEN WE ARE NOT THE ABUSER??? PTSD IS VERYYYYYYYYYYYYYY SERIOUS AND COMES OUT IN ALLLLLLLLLLL KINDS OF WAYS AND FORMS LEAVING OUR BABIES SOMEONE DIFFERENT?? DEPRESSION IS ALSO VERY LIFE CHANGING AND CAN BE PARALYZING CAUSES ADDICTIONS AND THE LIST GOES ON AND ON!!! LIKE MY DAUGHTER I KNOW INSIDE YOUR SON THERE IS A PART THAT STILL LOVES YOU AND HAS SOME FEELINGS FOR YOU BUT ONCE IN WAR NEVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR THE SAME!!! I WISH FOR ALL OF US GRIEVING MOTHERS I HAD SOME MAGIC ANSWERS TO MAKE OUR PAIN GO AWAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!! I REFUSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TO GIVE UP HOPE SHE IS AND ALWAYS WILL BE MY CHILD!!!! NO MATTER WHAT!!

Rebecca - posted on 06/19/2012

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HELLO TO ALL OF YOU. MY HEART IS WITH YOU ALL!! THANK YOU FOR YOUR COMMENTS. YES KNOWING THAT I AM NOT ALONE IS TOO SAD TO ME TO BE COMFORTING RIGHT NOW!! I ALWAYS THOUGHT I WOULD HAVE MY PRECIOUS CHILDREN AND HOW I ENJOYED AND LOVE THEM MORE THAN WORDS COULD EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR SAY!!!! BEING A MOTHER WAS THE BEST GIFT FROM GOD AND I PROMISED I WOULD TRY AND DO MY BEST WHICH I MADE MANY MISTAKES BUT NEVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR WITH THE INTENT TO HURT MY CHILDREN!! I DID WRITE TO MY DAUGHTER AND ALSO DID A COUPLE OF WELFARE CHECKS. I HAD A RESTRAINING ORDER PUT ON ME BECAUSE I AM CHRONICALLY ILL AND MY DOCTOR SAID IT WOULD BE TOO MUCH STRESS FOR ME TO GO SO THE JUDGE HAD NO CHOICE BUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT THE JUDGE REFUSED TO ACCEPT ANY OF THE LIES AND LETTERS WRITTEN BY MY DAUGHTERS ABUSIVE HUSBAND!! I HAVE SEVERAL COURT DOCUMENTS ON HER HUSBAND WHERE HE BEAT MY DAUGHTER IN THE HEAD IN FRONT OF THE KIDS, PULLED A GUN ON THE 3 OF THEM AND SO ON!!! I PRAY DAY AND NIGHT AND I CANNOT BRING MYSELF TO BELIEVING WHAT THAT BEAUTIFUL SWEET LOYAL DAUGHTER HAS BECOME AFTER SHE GOT INVOLVED WITH HER JERK!!! A FRIEND OF MINE JUST PUBLISHED A BOOK CALLED "JERK RADAR" IT IS EXCELLENT FULL OF INSIGHT AND WRITTEN BY A GOOD GUY WITH A GIFT OF INSIGHT WHO WORKS TO SAVE OUR CHILDREN AND TO HELP DOMESTIC VIOLENCE VICTIMS!!! GREAT BOOK!! I HATE TO THINK OF WHAT GOD WILL DO TO OUR CHILDREN WHO ARE TELLING DAMAGING PAINFUL LIESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS AND WHO HAVE HURT US BEYOND WORDS!! TO ALL OF YOU MY EMPATHY IS WITH YOU AND YES I BELIEVE IN GOD AND HIS WISDOM AND POWER BUT I AM HUMAN AND HURTING SO BADLY FOR MY LOSS!!! THIS IS WORSE THAN ANY DEATH TO KNOW THE HATRED AND ANGER AND CONFUSION AND ALL OF THE PROBLEMS BROUGHT ON BY YOUR CHILDREN THAT YOU WOULD GIVE YOUR LIFE FOR!!!! IT IS VERY LONELY NO MATTER WHAT I DO?? WHEN I SEE THESE ABUSIVE PARENTS WHOSE KIDS ADORE THEM AND ARE FAITHFUL AND ARE ALWAYS THERE TO HELP THEIR PARENTS IN ANYWAY, I GET THE MOST HORRIBLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE PAIN THAT CONSUMES ME AND MAKES ME FEEL DEADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!! MY EX DID A BANG-UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP JOB WITH HIS EVILNESS TO RUIN PRECIOUS SOULS WHICH ONE DAY IT WILL BE HIS TURN JUST LIKE ALL ABUSERS TO ANSWER FOR WHEN HE MURDERED ME AND OUR CHILDREN??? SOME DAY?? TO ALL OF YOU I AM PRAYING AND I AM SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS AND YOUR PAIN AND SADNESS!!! ELLE WISH I HAD SOME ANSWERS AND COULD MAKE THINGS BETTER!! MY MOM WAS THE WITCH FROM HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL BUT I NEVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR TREATED HER THE WAY WE ARE BEING TREATED NEVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! I PROMISED MY KIDS A MOTHER AND UNTIL THE DAY I DIE MY ARMS AND HEART ARE OPEN FOR THEM THE PRODIGAL CHILDREN??

Tammy - posted on 06/19/2012

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It is strangley comforting to know others are going throught this madness. We are stilling writing callin and sending e mails that never get returned. He are still bombarded with my 20 something yr old step daughters facebook posts that say my husband abandoned his adult children for our 4 yr old. They outright lie to my face saying that they call, they don't!!! They say we don't try, all we do is try!!! You can't reason with the unreasonable. We know the truth and I am about to give up. Why the public humiliation and character assasination though? What does it give them to make their Dad look so bad? If you hate him so much and want nothing to do with him, why do you plead in public for him to call, then don't take his calls.

Elle - posted on 06/18/2012

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HELLO ALL, I DIDN"T MEAN TO DECEIVE ANYONE WHEN I SIGNED UP. THERE WAS NOWHERE TO PUT THE AGES OF MY GROWN CHILDREN. MY DAUGHTER 35 AND MY SON 27. WHEN I SAW THIS INVITE I WAS IN SUCH HIGH HOPES OF BEING ABLE TO CONNECT AND SHARE WITH YOU MY HEART PAIN OF WHAT I AM GOING THRU WITH MY CHILDREN AND THEIR PARTNERS?? MY CHILDREN WERE SEVERLY ABUSED AT VERY YOUNG AGES BY MY EX!! HE BRAIN-DAMAGED OUR SON AT AGE 22 MONTHS OLD!!! LEAVING OUR CHILDREN WITH MULTIPLE DISSABILITIES!! HE DID HIS BEST TO MAKE THE CHILDREN HATE ME AND THINK OF ME AS A NOTHING!!! MY -OUR DAUGHTER TURNED AROUND AND MARRIED A MAN JUST LIKE HER DAD. A SOCIPATH ALCOHOLIC VIOLENT ABUSER!!! THE ABUSE WAS TAKING PLACE WHEN I WAS AT CHURCH WORKING AT THAT TIME WITH THE SENIORS. I LOST 10 BABIES BEFORE WE ADOPTED OUR CHILDREN. THEY ARE MY BLESSINGS MY GIFTS FROM HEAVEN AND MY TREASURES!!! MY GRANDSON AT AGE 3 BEGGED TO LIVE WITH ME DAILY WHICH ANGERED MY DAUGHTERS HUSBAND VERY MUCH SO HE HAD TO GET RID OF ME THREATENING TO SHOOT ME IF I EVER CAME AROUND!!! THE SAD STORY GOES ON AND ON!! I HAVE NOT BEEN ALLOWED TO SEE MY DAUGHTER AND HER CHILDREN IN 11 YEARS!!! MY SON WAS IN SPECIAL ED HIS WHOLE LIFE AND I WAS ALSO A TEACHER FOR SPECIAL ED. HE GOT INVOLVED AT AGE 17 WITH A GIRL SEVERLY EMOTINALLY DISTURBED JUST LIKE HE HAS BEEN DIAGNOSED FROM EARLY CHILDHOOD ON!! SHE LIES AND HAS DONE NOTHING BUT TRY AND DESTROY ME SINCE AHE MET ME!!! I HAVE BEEN NOTHING BUT KIND TO HER IN EVERY WAY. SHE IS JEALOUS AND HATES MOM FIGURES ESPECIALLY ME BECAUSE MY SON LOVES ME SO MUCH AND COMES TO ME FOR ADVICE AND FOR HIS GROUNDING JUST LIKE MY DAUGHTER USED TO. I HAVE NOOOOOOOOOO HISTORY OF ANY FORM OF ABUSE BUT SHE TRYS TO MAKE ME OUT TO BE A MONSTER SO I AM NOT ALLOWED TO SEE MY 21 MONTH OLD GRANDSON.. SHE HAS EVEN GONE TO CPS AND LIED AFTER I HAD TO MAKE A REPORT ABOUT HER. THEY TOLD HER IT WAS ME THAT REPORTED AND EVEN GAVE HER A LETTER THAT I HAD WRITTEN IN DESPERATEEEEEEEEEEEEEE CONCERN FOR HER BABY!!!! MY SON IS THE BETTER PARENT BUT HE LACKS ALOTTTTTTTT AND THEY HAVE A 24/7 ABUSIVE VIOLENT RELATIONSHIP!! YELLING AND SCREAMING ALL OF THE TIME AND THE BABY GETS THE EMOTINAL AND VERBAL ABUSE EVERYDAY!!! I HAVE BEGGED MY KIDS TO LEAVE THEIR ABUSIVE PARTNERS BUT THEN I BECOME THE "BAD" GUY!!! BEFORE THE BABY WAS BORN I WAS ASKED MANY TIMES TO TAKE CARE OF THE BABY BUT I AM UNABLE TO SINCE MY INJURY WHILE TEACHING SPECIAL NEEDS IN 1998. I HAVE FOUGHT LIKE A TIGER TO PROTECT MY KIDS AND GRANDKIDS BUT CPS DOES NOTHING AND IS KNOWN FOR THEIR CRIMINAL ACTIVITY!!! PLEASE READ ABOUT SENATOR NANCY SHAEFER AND HER HUSBAND BEING MURDERED BY CPS WHILE EXPOSING THEM AND ALSO BILL BOWEN HAD A HEART ATTACK WHILE EXPOSING CPS AS WELL!!! ALL TRUE!! SO ANY ADVICE WHO I CAN GO TO OR WHAT I CAN DO??? I WAS CALLED A MIRACLE WORKER AND A GODSEND WHEN I WAS TEACHING!! I WAS ABLE TO GET THRU TO THOSE CHILDREN NO ONE ELSE COULD REACH!! I ALWAYS WRITE IN CAPS. I NOW HAVE A BLEEDING ULCER AND HAVE TO TAKE IT EASY FROM TOO MUCH ON-GOING STRESS!!! WHAT CAN I DO??? I FEEL FOR ALL OF YOU WALKING IN MY SHOES!!! IT ONLY TAKES 72 HOURS FOR AN ABUSER TO BRAINWASH THEIR VICTIM AND MAKE BLACK LOOK WHITE AND WHITE LOOK BLACK!!! I HAVE ALSO WORKED ALOT WITH ABUSED CHILDREN AND WOMEN... THANK YOU FOR LISTENING.. THE NIGHTMARE GOES ON AND ON!! I WOULD GIVE MY LIFE FOR MY KIDS AND GRANDKIDS IF IT WOULD FREE THEM!!! ELLE I KNOW MANY OTHERS WALKING IN MY SHOES WITH THE MOST EVIL OF EX HUSBANDS!! I HAVE CARDS AND LETTERS FROM BOTH OF MY CHILDREN TELLING ME WHAT A GREAT MOM AND GRANDMA I WAS AND MANY REFERENCES FROM PARENTS AND OTHER TEACHERS. BEING A MOTHER IS THE BEST GIFT OF ALL BUT THERE ARE TOO MANY WANTING AND WILLING TO DESTROY THIS SPECIAL BOND!!

Pat - posted on 06/18/2012

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Cindy, I understand completely. My husband and I have grieved the loss of our daughter as if it were a death and I am now not sure what we WOULD do if she contacted us. It would be like someone reaching beyond the grave. It has been 3 years...

Ross - posted on 06/18/2012

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I am not a mom, but my wonderful wife is and her sister and mother are headed towards a situation a lot like the ones outlined here. So I was just curious -- has anyone found a therapist or mediator or some professional person who's worked magic and fixed a long-standing family feud? If so I'd love to hear about it and know how to contact this person. Thanks! Ross mjandpg1 at gmail.com

Cindy - posted on 06/08/2012

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I gave up! My daughter's father and his mother did their job well at brainwashing my daughter against me. Now that she is an adult I blame her too. If i could turn back time, i wouldn't trust those devils with my child. I will not make that mistake again. I have decided to move on and focus on the future... It is devastating to bury a child who is not dead. Just heartbreaking, but it must be done. Those mothers who have been affected by Parental Alienation Syndrome understand what I'm saying.

Renee - posted on 05/25/2012

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I thought I was alone also for awhile. Thank God for everyone on here it gives me comfort to know I am not the problem it is him and his choice. Thanks

Donna - posted on 05/07/2012

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I'm glad to see other mothers having the same issues. I have 5 children (all 21 years and older) and the 3 oldest are estranged. I fell in love with the "wrong" person in their eyes even though this man is the kindest person that I have ever met. He happens to be my 2nd son's father-in-law and yes, we went around it all the wrong way but neither of us have ever been happier. We have asked for forgiveness but only to deaf ears. As a result, my 3 older children and all 3 of his daughters haven't spoken to us in almost 4 years. All forms of contact have been severed. We have not been allowed to see our grandchildren, 2 we share together. My two younger sons, both college students, have accepted my husband into their lives but it took some time. All is good with them now. We continue to pray every day for restoration to our families. We both have grandchildren that we haven't met and the pain of losing all of them is sometimes more than I can bear. A mother's love is unconditional but I've discovered that a child's love for their mother is not.

Tammy - posted on 11/13/2011

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I have been struggling with what to do about my adult step children. My husband was in an emotionally abusive realationship for 15 yrs. He was in the military and if he didn't do exactly what his wife wanted she threatened to take his girls when he was in the field and he would never see them again. She would constantly tell him she didn't love him but they she "had him by the balls" to use her expression because all she had to do was pack up and leave or accuse him of domestic battery or child abuse. Well she finally did leave him when he came home and found his 14 yr old daughters 19 yr old boyfriend sleeping over. He said no way but the wife said you don't get any say in how this house is run you only pay the bills. Well next time he came home she, the girls and all the belonging were gone. There was a restraining order against him and before he could straighten it out she had moved to the middle east with some man. Since the divorce wasn't final she moved back but by now the 14 yr old was pregnant(surprise, surprise) and he was now being blackmailed with the soon to be grandchild. He ended up paying 65% of his pay for child support and maintainance and lived a miserable existence. He had nothing but hoping his daughters would come see him. Well they didn't and even refused to call him for months at a time because they had moved in with their boyfriends and mom convinced them that since she wouldn't get a job their dad would stop paying child support if he knew they were not living with her. My husband went to therapy and started taking anti depressants It's took a few years but he got emotionally healthy and this is when I came into the picture. I encouraged him to keep reaching out to the girls but they never called or visited and visitation was never enforced because the mother wouldn't allow it. Well we went on with our lives and kept trying with his girls and then we got pregnant. As soon as I got pregnant his girls started calling and asking to be part of our lives. We tried but they either never showed up or just used it as an excuse to emotionally abuse my husband unless we gave them money. Three yrs later we are still hoping that they come around but frankly it is taking an emotional toll on my husband. I just started cancer treatment and he put a message on facebook to have his oldest call him(facebook is the only way we get a response from them) His middle child threw a tantrum because she wasn't the one contacted. They play the victim saying how all they want is their fathers love, but they are the ones who ignore us. Now my husband is being called names and our 3 yr old daughter is brought into things (like how he forgot about his oldest because of her) I don't want give up on a child (even though they are 22, 25 and 27 now) but enough is enough. They are just continuing the emotionally abuse that their mother heaped upon their dad and I'm about ready to tell him it's ok to let them go. Even crueller than no contact is having them plead for contact in front of an audiance but we know that we have tried over and over and are constantly rejected and ignored.

Michelle - posted on 11/10/2011

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I'm in a similar situation with my son. Only a parent who has been thru this can understand this brand of gut and heart wrenching suffering. I'm so sorry for us both. It is a small comfort to read these posts and know I'm not alone. Thanks.

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