Feeling Guilty

Ann - posted on 07/05/2010

I am 53 and have twins boys that are 8 and a daughter that is 10. Talk about tired! I don't feel guilty when I don't have enough energy, I just take a quick nap and then I am ready to go. They understand that. I also take vitamins everyday and am very athletic - I still get tired in the afternoons. It is OK to say no once and awhile as well. Hang there, just don't feel guilty, I am sure you are a great mom.

Liz - posted on 07/04/2010

it`s ok,maybe you can change the time when you play with him,might help.

Lisa - posted on 07/04/2010

Congratulations for reaching out for support - I admire that and it is the first step in achieving successful change. I find honesty is always the best policy when raising children. So first I would recommend being honest with your son as to why you can't play with him when he asks - the lesson you are teaching him is that it is okay not to be at your best all the time. Secondly, pay attention to when you have the highest level of energy and try to schedule play time around those times of the day if possible. Finally, being a parent is time consuming and challenging - if you don't already do so be sure you schedule me time into your daily/weekly schedule. This should be time that you pamper yourself and do the things you love; this will help recharge your battery and give you more energy to do the things with your son. And don't forget to reach out for support - let others help you in the raising of your son, maintaining the home, etc. Wishing you many great times with your family!

Jen - posted on 07/01/2010

How about this one! Sometimes it is tiring for anyone to play with a kid and sometimes it is down right boring!

Debbie - posted on 07/01/2010

I'm also 50. I raised 5 kids and now I am living with two of my grandkids. I have to say I do not have the energy I did when I was in my 20's. playing with our kids takes physical as well as mental energy, and sometimes i just don't have it. When my kids were little i could take care of all of them AND keep the house in order, AND be active in the community, AND have a social life.... now with my grandkids I have to pick ONE, because I can't do all of it. 50 is not old, I agree with everyone on that point, but it's also not young when it comes to raising kids..... Don't feel guilty because you can't keep up with a ten year old.

Jamie - posted on 06/30/2010

Hi tery im 41 with a 21yr old daughter no grandchildren yet:) a 13yr old daughter and an 11yr old son I know i dont do as many active things with the last two as my first guess the truth is i got a little lazy and let my oldest child do the playing and entertaining. My sister and i lived with my grandparents until i was 7 and spent alot of weekends with them. I know your child is a boy but we use to play paper dolls and draw and color take walks around the neighborhood she would tell us what life use to be like when she was young. But for a boy my aunt use to put cornmeal in a cake pan and let him play with his hot wheels now that she has a grand son hes graduated to a container of dirt outside you can put it on a table and play too my cousin jason and i use to build lego cities on the kitchen table for his hot wheels he loved it. hope this was helpful you dont have to feel guilty because your teaching him something hes learning to have compasion for others learning the world doesnt revolve around him every waking moment very important lessons that alot of kids arent getting:)

Darlene - posted on 06/29/2010

Let me tell you something your son will find others to play with. put him on sports teams. What he will remember is that you were there for him a good listener. Children remember good parents.

Penny - posted on 06/27/2010

it doesnt matter your age its your communication and self esteme i am 43 and can hardly get around my back always hurts i just lost weight and i have cancer my 20 year old called me today and wants us to go to lake with him lol so we will i am sure

Lata - posted on 06/27/2010

why don't you take him out with his friends and allow them to play while you watch them or you can be the refree or a silient player..

Nancy - posted on 06/25/2010

Don't have energy?? I understand sometimes I run out of it as well but my son just turned 10 last Friday and I will 49 in Oct. my son keeps himself pretty busy, but there are times he just wants his mama, and I'm beat, but i take my time with him since I do not take anything for granted and I want my time with him as well. Right now he is away for the first time with my bother for 2 weeks and it's very quite around here, but he is having a blast and the last thing he is doing is worrying about us. Good luck, and find the strength to be able to play some .

Kimberly - posted on 06/25/2010

Don't feel bad, you're aging and trying to keep up with such young energy is very difficult. Even if you can play once in a while you'll make your son happy. Don't feel bad. Just know you are loved here!

Marie - posted on 06/23/2010

Well honey i am 46 i have a 21/2 year old. I get tired somtimes but never to much to play with him. I am outside running after him on his hotwheels. Start taking vitamins and go to GNC and talk to them I do. Good luck it is hard somtimes but we can do it.

Cynthia - posted on 06/22/2010

Im' 55 and grandmother to 8 children. There have been times when I have 3 at a time, ages 1, 2 and 4. I do run out of energy but I have found that even if I sit down and play a table game for 20 minutes or sit in a chair and toss a ball back and forth, the kids are satisfied.

Susan - posted on 06/22/2010

Hi Tery, My name is Susan, and I have a 17 year old daughter, who think's she's going on 17. She lost her Dad to Cancer at 15. So I am a single mom. As most of these mom's have mentioned it's hard not to feel guilty. I had my daughter late in life, then lost a little boy who would now be 11. Your's is only 10 once. You have to make the time. I too also ask myself how would I get the energy to play with him. Lose him, then you'll figure it out.You Explain to him, can Mommy rest for a little while then maybe we can play. I will be 51 in July and am disabled as of 3 year's ago, from a swimming pool accident as a kid. I feel guilty sometime's with my 17 year old still thinking I don't do as much as I should with her and she's 17. Believe me, He know's you love him and is probably smart enough to realize he can play with his friend's himself if your to tired and do not have the energy until you rest. You have to try a few time's a week to make the time. They grow up way to fast. Just think about that. Hope it help's. Good luck & grab some energy...

Cheryl - posted on 06/21/2010

You may not have the energy, but I am sure that you have the patience and wisdom to deal with your son. There are so many other positives being older. Perhaps you could occasionally invite a friend over for him to play with.

Elizabeth - posted on 06/20/2010

It is not you age it is the fact that you are trying to keep up with a ten year old and for some ungodly reason the ol mighty gave them all the energy. If you ask me it should have been the other way around and us mothers should have the energy and let the youngin have a day as ours and they would truely understand what it is to be worn out. The up in the mornings to get them and ourselfs ready and then dropping them off where ever that may be and then get to work. deal with work for 8-9 hours a day and then back to pick them up and back home. The mans day ends then but ours is still going. We have to cook dinner and then clean up as well as still take care of the children. When the kids finally get to bed then it is the time to take care of the man and his needs. finally they are all asleep and we get to PASSOUT. So now it is not your age it is all we woman have to do during the day that wares us out. A bit of help from the man helps a lot but if you are on your own it is a long long haul and a tiring one at that. We just have to find things that are not as physicaly taxing that you both like to do and spend a bit of time doing it after the house work is done or you could do it before the house work and do it after he goes to bed.

Deborah - posted on 06/19/2010

Age is not a problem, sitting on the floor next to him with say lego or chilling and talking is just as good he'll love it. I ask for help with the cooking, chopping the salad. Its true that special time with him is important it not all about jumping around. Dont forget to tell him how you feel children do understand. My son 9 he too wants to play, I know how you feel please dont feel guilty your really not alone.Your a wounderful person for caring so much. Hugs

Kaere - posted on 06/19/2010

try to find tyhings that match your energy level with his needs for your time and attention. Reading stories, drawing, playing cards. Engage his heart and his mind and you may just find that you have all the energy you need to be there for him. I am 42 with a toddler and I work full time-- I understand that there are times when my day has already had a little too much of everybody else wanting a piece of me and I sure understand feeling guilty for being too tired to play. I have found that if I can come up with games or activities that allow us to be together without a lot of running around or loud voices, my energy slowly returns and he doesn't feel that mommy has no time for him.

Pamela - posted on 06/19/2010

Have a physical to make sure you do not have any health issues. Then, see if there are any moms in the neighborhood who would be interested in a play co-op. Perhaps you could take turns hosting the hangout time for your son and a couple of his friends with their parents. Is it possible for you to join the Y or local rec center and maybe do things like swimming, craft classes, etc? Be kind to yourself.

Carrie - posted on 06/19/2010

I totally understand. My daughter is 20 months and I am almost 43. I sometimes find it difficult to keep up with her. I love her and worry about not having enough energy as I get older. She is my only child. I love her very much!

Gabriellle - posted on 06/19/2010

You are rude it is hard keeping up with children at this age. I had a child in my early twenties and then had one when I was forty,not my choice but things happen and you find yourself having a child. It is very hard to keep up with them at this age in your life so you have adapt and that is why my child is very grown up for his years as we treat him way beyond his years. You do not have to play with them talking to them asking them about school,their friends and so on can be a way of being with your child. I also take my child out to cafes and other places where we can just have time by ourselves. I do not play with him at all and don't feel guilty. I am not his play mate I am his mother and in the end thats what most children want.

Regards Gabby

Eva - posted on 06/19/2010

you probably forgot that even when you were younger you sometimes just were plain tired once in a while. It happens to everyone. Keeping physically active through regular exercise, even if it's just a brisk walk for 15-30 minutes will help. I have a 14 yo daughter and am 54. She still needs a mom who can go. Stop thinking about your age and enjoy what you can do with you son.. He'll appreciate it and he knows you're doing your best.

Gabriellle - posted on 06/18/2010

I am a mother of a 10 year old boy and turning 50 in a few weeks I also find it hard to play with him as it is too hard but I have conversations with him and try to do other things with him.

Keitha - posted on 06/18/2010

Dear feeling guilty, truly I understand this plight. I also am about to turn 50. Feb. 14, and I have the same problem with keeping up with my twelve year, almost thirteen year old. Sep. 15, and it's not just the playing part, because she usually would rather play with her friends. Her mommy time is usually wanting affection. Most of my problem is keeping up w her messes around the house and she never wants to do it herself. This is my plight because I just don't have the energy I did when I was 30. I don't really know what the answer is to this problem, vitamin B maybe, who knows. Anyway I share your frustration and sympathize greatly. I mostly just feel tired,

Lori - posted on 06/17/2010

Hi, Its okay to feel drained of energy at our age...Geez we are middle-aged now not some young spritely thing. Im 49 this year. I had my Toddler when I was 46. Heck I sometimes dont have the energy to keep up with him...lol. I tell him that too...I say Mummy Tired, you go read a book or play with your toys. And off he goes. Then there are times when I do have the energy. What about board games with your 10 yr old, that way your sitting down. Maybe something like Scrabble. He learns new words at the same time and you two spending some quality time together :) Good Luck...

Eileen - posted on 06/17/2010

I turned 49 when my youngest turned 10. I understand the lack of energy, but my son was a good sport. I used to invite a friend around his age to come over to play. Then, the other child's mother took my son over to play with her child. They kept each other busy and I provided snacks and videos. Of course, that was 14yrs. ago. He and I played many a board game, but he thought I was really silly when I danced. If you can make them laugh, you'll have plenty to enjoy later on. My son is now completing graduate school and he still wants to bring his friends around to see his folks. Hang in there. It is all worth it. Oh, and when you get tired, say so. Honesty works most of the time ! ; )

Sandy - posted on 06/17/2010

I am 53 and have two grandchildren and I do feel guilty at times that I also do not have the energy to "run around" and play. I have fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue, plus other health issues so it is difficult for me to find the energy to do much of anything. As long as you spend some time with your son playing board games or games on the computer, or maybe there is a craft that you two can do together. I am sure if you sit down and do some brainstorming you will come up with something to do. Just show him lots of love and you both will be fine!

Veronica - posted on 06/16/2010

Hi - I totally understand where you are coming from. I'm 43 at the moment with a 16mth old boy (& 2 girls 10 & 6) and I too feel guilty sometimes. He'll be 8 when I'm 50 and I do worry about that already.(which makes me 47 when I'm taking him to school!). I've been a single mum for the last 6 months and have now just found my 'groove'. there are days when you just want to hide under the covers and wonder how you will get through and there are days when you say 'Hey, what was I worried about!' We do the best we can - as long as we love and nurture our kids - i think that's the most important thing. The rule i live by is 'Its not the quantity of time you spend with your child, it's the quality'. It's okay not to have the energy sometimes. :)

SUE - posted on 06/16/2010

Hi I turned 50 at Christmas and my son will be 12 in a few weeks time. Am a lone parent, as his father and I divorced almost 4 years ago. His dad lives 250 miles away as we moved back to where my family live and where I originally grew up. Yes, I feel guilty sometimes, and I think that is natural. We all have days when the stresses of getting your child to do his homework, brush his teeth, get to bed on time, etc can sometimes make us too tired to even think about fun things. But I would encourage you to invite his friends over, the odd sleepover and likewise the friends have him over too, have a film night, your child/ren choose the film.. gives them a bit of independance and decision-making skills.Learn new skills together,origami,painting and drawing, and so on. Take a kite out to the park, feed the ducks on the pond, go for a cup of tea together at a little cafe. Invite his friend to join you, they will enjoy each others company and its fun to go out, and it doesnt have to cost much either! This way they learn social skills and learn how to behave well in public. Bake a cake together.. nothing better than getting out a freshly made cake out of the oven and decorating it together or on his own.. and then the best bit..eating it! Even families who have a dad around can have its own set of problems.. agreeing on discipline/homework tasks/chores, etc. If you are a lone parent, then rejoice in the fact that YOU have raised him, well done!! it is hard work, but the rewards of seeing your child grow up into a healthy young adult far outweigh the times when you despaired about what to do when he was a bit bored and you felt you didn't know what to do. All the best! Take care. Sue x

Tonya - posted on 06/15/2010

maybe you should play a game or some thing that dont need a lot of energy to do it.or maybe do puzzles.or take turns reading a book he likes.

Rochelle - posted on 06/12/2010

You did not really give enough information. Are you a single mom? Do you work full time. How is your health? Could you possibly be going through menopause? Is he an only child? I am 48 with a 3 year old and so I can identify. I have no problem energy wise per se and have always loved doing kid kind of things even before I had a child. My main problem is my work schedule (which I am actively trying to change). I get off from work late and am tired, needing to get dinner done, and have a million things on my mind. When I come in, all he wants is to play with his mommy. Plus his only sibling (my husband's daughter) is 23 and so he is being raised as an only child. Other than the kids he plays with a daycare, we are it. That can be hard and overwhelming at times but my husband is good about playing with him and helping out with chores. What is you son interested in? Maybe you can take him to the park, to sports events etc. with some of his friends. Even a walk on a nature trail might be enjoyable for him and some friends and the exercise and fresh air will be good for you. They will find ways to amuse themselves. We often take Isaiah to the playground and let him run with the other children and play and it does not take much energy on our part. They do their thing and we just cheer them on and make sure no one gets hurt. And we have done nature trails as well. For your son's age, maybe a skate board or biking park with friends would be of interest too him. Or there are times when we just go get some ice cream and sit at a picnic area and eat it. You might also try a water park. Let him have at it and you can sit an read or get some son if you do not feel like participating. There are lots of things you can do, but the main question for you is WHY you do not feel like it. Might be worth a trip to the doctor for a check-up if all else fails.

Joann - posted on 06/12/2010

never feel guilty you have already given your son the gift of maturity he will be stable and and relaxed from all your years of wisdom play is just a part of mom not the whole picture

Eka - posted on 06/12/2010

My son will be 7 when I turn 50 next year, I don't have a problem with energy, more with that I don't like to do "kids" things that much any more. We make up with reading lots of books, and we got him a puppy so he has a play mate to play rough & tumble with. You could feel guilty about all the things you can't offer your children, but in the end when they go to a warm bed with a full tummy that's already more than millions of kids have. COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS!

Carol - posted on 06/11/2010

Boy I can understand that. I'm almost 47 and have a 12 1/2 year old daughter. She's hard to keep up with.

Cindy - posted on 06/11/2010

I turned 50 in Feb. this year, I have 5 kids total. The youngest at home are 18 & 16. I work full time as a security guard in a HS of about 3000 teenagers. I may not have the energy to keep up with the kids, but I do have alot more patients than I had when I was younger. Instead of "playing" get a video and a big bowl of popcorn and just share some laughs, go for a drive, just spending time together learning about each other is fun.

Barbara - posted on 06/11/2010

I feel like you do at times also. I am 47 and have a 10 yr old daughter and a 8 yr old son. Plus a grandson over a yr and another one coming in Oct. There have been many times that I felt like I didnt have engery. But from somewhere I find the engery. Even if it is just to walk around the corner or up the block with them. I am in remission from having cancer last year. And still have medical issues. But I learned after that to enjoy everyone and everything because within in mins things could fo the other way. Dont feel guilty find other things to spend quality time with your child.

Elizabeth - posted on 06/11/2010

Carolyn is right, no time now to feel guilty. Before you know it he will be grown and gone, and you will look for things to do! You do need to find out why at ONLY 50 you have not energy. I am 56, and am also disabled, however I can't let it get me down. I don't have those responsibilities anymore all my children are grown and gone, but I would give anything if I could have another round with them. I will have to be contented with my grandbabies, for which I am so very grateful.

Jen - posted on 06/10/2010

Even twenty year old moms know this one!

Fiona - posted on 06/10/2010

Ah, energy! I remember that - it was something we used when we were hunting woolly mammoths, wasn't it? I too am a 50 year old with a 10 year old and a 5 year old, and I too struggle to keep up with them both. The best lessons I have learned is to play active games when you can, passive games (like board and card games) when you can, and that guilt is a REAL waste of energy! Your son will love every moment you spend with him, even if you're just lying on the grass together making stories about the shapes you see in the clouds. I also learned a little about the constellations and my 10 year old loves nothing better than to lie on a blanket next to me on a dark night looking at the stars, and "scaring" each other with stories of UFO's and making noises like "the killer guinea pig" and laughing our guts out - little physical energy involved. Have fun! xx Fiona

Pamela - posted on 06/09/2010

I will be 56 in a short while, mom to a 36 yo daughter, 31 year old son, grandma (nana) to a 22 yo grandaughter and an 8 yo grandson( my daughters children), and great grandma to a 2 yo greatgrandaughter. Energy? what is that? I suffer from several ailments and it is hard to muster the energy often to even attempt to do many of the things with them. I do however have an abundance of kisses, hugs and warm handholding experience as well as very broad sturdy shoulders. I sit back and wander at how I managed to keep up "back when" but I am now learning that, there is something to be said about being able to send them home after awhile, before they wear me out to the point of total exaustion...lol...but I sincerely can understand the guilt. 50 and for that matter 55 isnt that old, but there are times I feel totally guilty that I cant go along when they want me to , it is very difficult to get around due to health problems. But I have found a great amount of "less guilty" ways to be a part of thier lives . I am the one that attended and still attends all the activities that the parent cant due to work or college classes.

Susana - posted on 06/09/2010

hi! dont be, urs is not an isolated ctuation, why not let hin invite some of his friends in ur house, just be around, try to relate more on what other play activity u cn join them, dont stress ur self on it! maybe sit beside them as they watch their favorite tv channnel, dont hesitate to ask ur son too, there might be other play activity u cn join him!! cheers to us!!! GOD bless!

Margaret - posted on 06/09/2010

Try taking a vitamin B12 once to twice a day and see if that will help with your energy level. My self I have to get a B12 shot once a month cause my body is doesn't produce it like it should. That or have your doctor do some blood work you might eve be low on iron. I hope this helps alittle for you.

Anne Marie - posted on 06/09/2010

i have the same problem with my son. I know with me it is a stress fatique with work and family issues. However what I find works for me is I tell him let me have a sit down undisturbed for 30 or 60 minutes what ever I need then I will play for one hour. Or I play until something like laundry needs to be folded. I am 46 so not far off. We are not old and worn out but we often don't realize what toll stress and life itself takes on us. Take some time for yourself, go for coffee with friends etc. I find that works well for me to help give me the energy I need to complete the task of playing with my son.

Sheriden - posted on 06/08/2010

Hi
just a thought ask for a b12 blood test next time you are at your doctors. Remember if you take iron it will mask that you are b12 deficient. I found out about 5 years ago that I was b12 degfienct and it made a huge differnce to my energy levels. Mind you I do still get tired, I think most women and Mums do.
take care Sheri

Gina - posted on 06/08/2010

Mary i totally forgot about that orginization I had my boys in that also. I live in Thunder Bay Ontario Canada and we had thi swonderful group of people Beaverlake Ministries . Like a boys club . Awesome fun and awesome people. There is boy scouts. There is so much out there and you can get involved with him in these. I honestly wish you the very best, I really do. You will find your kind of fun.

Mary - posted on 06/08/2010

You did not state whether or not you are a single mother. First do things that will give you energy and then find things that you can together when his friends are not around. I actually learned how to play ninendo to be able play with my son when he was that age! Also you might want to consider checking into the big brother association. It does not mean that you are a bad mother, on the contrary. I did it for my son only because I knew that he needed to be around a positive "male role model" and that this organization is there for kids.

Gina - posted on 06/08/2010

louise very encouraging. I like it.
Gina

Louise - posted on 06/08/2010

We all have lapses in energy. You need to get out and get some fresh air and regain your energy. 50 is not old and your son would love you to play with him in the garden or park just for an hour. Sometimes taking exercise gives you more energy than not doing any at all. Don't turn into an old mum quite yet there is life in you yet to play football with the best of them. Come on dig deep and find some energy!

Gina - posted on 06/08/2010

my picture ? It is of me with my 10 year old orange tabby , Mojo, and on my lap is my 16 month old pug, Dixie.The white thing that you see i son my coffee tale it is a circle of friends statue the angel one I don't douht that you will. Have a great day

Gina

Debbie - posted on 06/07/2010

can i ask, what is the picture of? i cant work it out. lol Debbie