For those with huge age gaps between children..is there hope?

[deleted account] ( 23 moms have responded )

Ok, my 2 boys (ages 17 and 15) are not at all happy about the upcoming birth of their newest sister.

Do you think they just talk a good game (b/c obviously they are aware of how this all came about and are disgusted at the thought hehe) or do you think they will come around once she is born?

I am doing all I can to try and prevent resentment. Technically the boys could share a room, but I felt bad asking them too just b/c a new baby is coming. So the baby is staying in my room for a year at least.

Any others out there that have that kind of age span?

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Heather - posted on 06/15/2009

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Yep, I'm here. Chris was 16 and Jeanita was almost 19 when Terran was born. Neither of them were happy about the pregnancy at all but both of them love the baby. He's still in my bedroom at 16 months, btw, and we both like it MUCH better that way! Nothing like cuddling a sweet, sleepy baby and that delicious smell of their hair when you tuck their downy little head under your chin.

Enjoy your pregnancy and don't worry. The sibling relationship is unique, no matter what the age spacing, and the large ones are so funny and touching in the ways that they express universal truths about that special bond that we're more used to seeing in close spacings.

The 19 year old and the baby seemed to be in complete agreement about the Vice Presidential candidates when we watched the debate on YouTube and they kept shooting each other that wordless sibling LOOK and blowing raspberries and giggling at each other. They might as well have been twins! It was hilarious!

I get mistaken for Terran's grandmother occaisionally when it's just the two of us, but when we have a sibling along it's always obvious what our relationships with each other are.

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Wendy - posted on 06/18/2009

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I understand Michelle I went to my son's 21st birthday 6 months Pregnant all 6 kids ranging from 17-27yrs old were a little funny about me being pregnant at 43 and my husband being 52 But once Daniel was born he has brought all the family together and the older siblings cannot do enough for him. He is one very loved little boy.

[deleted account]

Hi I am 41 and have a 9 month old baby girl who has two older brothers...Jake who is 20 and Zack who will be 18 in Aug. They really had no problem with it. My oldest really could care less because he pretty much comes and goes on his own. My youngest son at first said I was way too old to have a baby but now just loves his baby sister. We have the same situation as far as sharing a room...my oldest moved out to live with a friend and we turned his room into the baby's room and then he decided it wasn't going to work out and came back home and is now living in our living room until we can figure out what we are going to do with him...but basically my older boys really don't have a problem with her and really good with her when they are around. I think your boys will come around when she is born...not right away but once she starts to get a personality. I wish you luck...I know those teenage years are rough!! Especially with boys. I have found I have so much more patients with my daughter than I did with the boys and I am enjoying her so much. Enjoy your daughter every second...time goes by so fast as you know. I am assuming this will be your last baby...savor it!! HUGS! ~Kristine

Jacqueline - posted on 06/17/2009

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I have that age span and yes, they will come around when she is born. My 18 year old was 16 at the time of my youngests' birth and he was not happy in the beginning of the pregnancy. He acted as though I had committed a Cardinal sin. I think he was more disgusted at the idea of his Dad and I creating a baby. :)They are funny that way.

Kiva - posted on 06/15/2009

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Hi Michele, I have 3 children a son 20 and two daughters 11 & 3. All of my children are eight years apart. The two older ones wasn't excited to find out that a new addition was coming to the family. However, when she arrived my son immediately feel in love with her. My daughter took some time to get used to the fact that she wasn't the baby any longer. And we're still working on that.The girls have their moments, but overall the children are adjusting okay.

Jo - posted on 06/14/2009

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Hi michelle i have two teenage girls 18 and 16 and a three year old girl i expect its different for boys than girls as my 18 year old and three year old share a room and they adore each other , my 18 and 16 year old shared a room for a while but was a nightmare so hence my three year old sharing with my 18 year old but my three year old bedtime routine is a nightmare when my 18 year old is out she goes fine but when she is in she wont go to sleep for ages . I should have been stronger and made my two teenagers share a room , the baby staying in your room for a year is a good idea after that i think she will need her own room and your two boys sharing wont be so bad and i expect they will be out alot anyway and believe me when your baby is born your be suprised how protective your boys will be of their sister . Hope this helps .

Nancy - posted on 06/13/2009

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Hi



I have 3 children; two boys 24 and 21 and a 9 jear old girl.When my sons heard they were going to have a sister they were not very happy about it,but at the moment she was born they fell in love with her. They are crazy about her and she is a blessing for our family.

Angie - posted on 06/13/2009

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I am 48 and have 5 kids ages 28 ,27,22,14,and8. My kids were brought up with daycare kids in our home ,they were used to having kids of all ages around. I really think this made a big difference in how they treat each other. The older ones help the younger ones.;and that helped me.I don't do daycare any more because my kids are in school or out of the house now. I think you really need to talk with each child because each one is differentand if you can talk to them NOW you will be able to talk to them ALWAYS.

Louise - posted on 06/13/2009

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i think most to is to get them involved in setting up the room and others thing too,. most important getting involved after you the have the baby is most inportant so you can get a break, make dinner and other chores around the house. it help a great deal.

i have that jealousy with my older ones they just learn to be able to them and have fun

Angela - posted on 06/13/2009

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hi yes i have 27 yearold 25 year old 14 year old 12 year old and 9 yearold and we have never found it a problem might be because to older ones are girls so the younger ones had 3 moms we all get on great and to be quite honest it keeps me up to date with everthing going on and fit good luck you will find the boys will love the baby and all your worries will be for nothing let me know how you get on.

Sharon - posted on 06/11/2009

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Hi, I have 2 children my son is 22 and my daughter is 4, my son was 18 when she was born and excited that he was going to finally have a sibling, he was very good with her, he held her and also fed her, but there were a few times that the jealousy would shine through, small things like "you do such and such for her but not me" he no longer lives at home but he calls and asks about his sister who he loves very much, he actually just came to visit and spent the whole time playing with his sister who REALLY LOVES her big brother.

Ruth - posted on 06/11/2009

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hi when i found out i was having a another baby it was a big surpise my daughter was 16 and my son was 13 it was a big shock and my daughter did hate me for a little time but she then start to look after me as my parter had left me she was a great help my son play up but as soon as he fould out it was a boy he look forward to it.oliver is now 20mths and is the apple of his brother and sister even my daughter is now doing a child care course as she has enjoy the company of her little brother i hope this has help

Ruth - posted on 06/11/2009

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Quoting Michelle:

For those with huge age gaps between children..is there hope?

Ok, my 2 boys (ages 17 and 15) are not at all happy about the upcoming birth of their newest sister.

Do you think they just talk a good game (b/c obviously they are aware of how this all came about and are disgusted at the thought hehe) or do you think they will come around once she is born?

I am doing all I can to try and prevent resentment. Technically the boys could share a room, but I felt bad asking them too just b/c a new baby is coming. So the baby is staying in my room for a year at least.

Any others out there that have that kind of age span?


 

Brenda - posted on 06/11/2009

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I have 4 grown boys, and 2 grown step-children so there is His MIne and ours. With the pregnancy of our little girl I asked the boys if they had a problem with me having another baby, honestly they were more concerned about my health and ability to have her than with the prospect of a little sister. However, they were all but one living on their own elsewhere. My son that was living with us at the time, well, he still is a bit weird about things, but that is his personality overall, he just doesn't adapt to changes well.
So now she is 4 and they are all out on their own and they call her every so often send her letters, cards and an occassional care package, so I guess they are okay with it all now!

[deleted account]

Vickielynne: I appreciate you taking the time to share with me. I think you are right in that adding a newborn to the mix this late in the game will be a life changing event for the entire family.

[deleted account]

Cindy: Thanks for sharing. I will be honest and say I am hoping for help from my older kids and that by helping they will develop unbreakable sibling bonds.

Vickielynne - posted on 06/11/2009

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Hi Michelle,
I was blessed with a new baby at 42 my oldest daughter was 22 married with two children at the time. I was a single mother for 20 years and I really never thought I would have another child. My oldest daughter had a harder time than I thought she would with her new sister. She was so use to being the only child and really wanted a sibling when she was growing up. Now here I was 42 in love and starting a new life I think she felt left out. When my daughter Victoria was 3 we knew she was a special needs little girl three years later she was diagnosed with Rett Syndrome.Victoria has always needed one on one care for her most basic needs.I wasn't able to spend the time I wanted to with my oldest daughter and my grand kids. She was resentful and devastated at the same time. Now Victoria is 8 my grand kids love their Aunt and my daughter has grown-up and adores her little sister. This has been a life-changing family changing challenging situation but I would do it all over again I am very blessed .I love being a mother now more than I did when I was 30 years younger. All things are possible for those in Christ Jesus.....Vickie mother of a silent angel

Cindy - posted on 06/11/2009

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my kids are aged 25 (F),24 (M),21(M),18 (F) and 11(F) so a bit of an age gap between th eldest and youngest. My eldest was a bit ugghhh!!! you guys have sex? when she found out about the youngest but all the kids adapted once the baby arrived. i am blessed to have older kids as for the past 2 days i had to leave town overnight with the youngest being ill. the older 2 watched her for me with the eldest having her overnight and the 2nd eldest helping out while the eldest had uni exams. Take heart that they come around and hopefully will be as protective of the youngest as mine are.When the youngest broke her arm,all the older ones rushed to the hospital to check on her and the eldest sat at the hospital with us for 6 hrs despite having 2 children of her own. The older kidsare very protective of the youngest one.

[deleted account]

Hi, I have 4 children, my 2 older daughters are 27 and 24, my son is 17 and my youngest daughter is 9, so theres an 18year gap between my oldest and youngest, my 2 eldest still want me to have another baby but at 49 i know im too old ,but yes your sons will love their sister when she arrives so dont worry

Tristine - posted on 06/10/2009

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My first son, Josh, is 23, and at first he wasn't too pleased about the prospect of us having a baby. I had a feeling that he would feel this way, which is why for many years I didn't want to have any more children. I was a single mom with Josh and didn't want him to feel left out now that I was literally starting a "family" so many years later. I knew he would feel some kind of resentment that this child would have the family/father he never had. After a while he got used to the idea and began hoping for a sister. When we found out we were having another boy, my son's resentments grew and he pretty much closed himself off from us. On top of that, my mother made a point of letting me know that this new baby would in NO WAY replace Josh, and she also put up a wall between us and the new baby on the way. That was really hard on us.



Tavin was born on May 25th. My first son didn't even contact me while I was in the hospital the first few days. I was extremely disappointed and heartbroken. Eventually I broke down and called him and asked him to come see us. He did, but he also refused to hold the baby. Although he "looked" at Tavin, and seemed a bit curious and confused, I was a bit hurt that he didn't really want anything to do with Tavin.



Josh doesn't seem too interested in Tavin, but I think right now it's taking him some time to get used to. It is a HUGE age gap, and of course, we now have a whole new family that he's also getting used to. I think there's hope--I HOPE there's hope! LOL! Josh has never been around infants, so that may be another reason he's "afraid" of being around Tavin.



Josh was recently over this weekend and I asked him if he was ever going to hold his brother. He said yes, but he didn't want to do it at that point. About 10 minutes later he said he'd hold the baby. Tavin was wide awake and playful, so it was the perfect time for Josh to hold him. Josh held Tavin for about 8 minutes, and it was such an incredible moment for me. It gave me hope that Josh will EVENTUALLY come around.



Our 2 boys won't come around right away after the birth, in fact, because of all the attention you will need to give to their new sister, the resentment may increase. But I believe that will subside and they will come around. They'll act curious, confused, conflicted...but they will watch you and their new sister VERY closely and make their way towards her slowly...but surely!



I wish you the best of luck with your newest addition to your family! Keep us posted and let us know how your sons react throughout the process.

Tristine - posted on 06/10/2009

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My first son, Josh, is 23, and at first he wasn't too pleased about the prospect of us having a baby. I had a feeling that he would feel this way, which is why for many years I didn't want to have any more children. I was a single mom with Josh and didn't want him to feel left out now that I was literally starting a "family" so many years later. I knew he would feel some kind of resentment that this child would have the family/father he never had. After a while he got used to the idea and began hoping for a sister. When we found out we were having another boy, my son's resentments grew and he pretty much closed himself off from us. On top of that, my mother made a point of letting me know that this new baby would in NO WAY replace Josh, and she also put up a wall between us and the new baby on the way. That was really hard on us.



Tavin was born on May 25th. My first son didn't even contact me while I was in the hospital the first few days. I was extremely disappointed and heartbroken. Eventually I broke down and called him and asked him to come see us. He did, but he also refused to hold the baby. Although he "looked" at Tavin, and seemed a bit curious and confused, I was a bit hurt that he didn't really want anything to do with Tavin.



Josh doesn't seem too interested in Tavin, but I think right now it's taking him some time to get used to. It is a HUGE age gap, and of course, we now have a whole new family that he's also getting used to. I think there's hope--I HOPE there's hope! LOL! Josh has never been around infants, so that may be another reason he's "afraid" of being around Tavin.



Josh was recently over this weekend and I asked him if he was ever going to hold his brother. He said yes, but he didn't want to do it at that point. About 10 minutes later he said he'd hold the baby. Tavin was wide awake and playful, so it was the perfect time for Josh to hold him. Josh held Tavin for about 8 minutes, and it was such an incredible moment for me. It gave me hope that Josh will EVENTUALLY come around.



Our 2 boys won't come around right away after the birth, in fact, because of all the attention you will need to give to their new sister, the resentment may increase. But I believe that will subside and they will come around. They'll act curious, confused, conflicted...but they will watch you and their new sister VERY closely and make their way towards her slowly...but surely!



I wish you the best of luck with your newest addition to your family! Keep us posted and let us know how your sons react throughout the process.

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