frustrated and not knowing what to do with my 7 year old

Lianne - posted on 12/15/2009

ok, I see I did not get any of these in my mail box for me to answer so I will do so now.

first off let me say that my daughter was born here in Germany, so her missing america is not the problem. she has only been there twice so far.

second let me say that I have also discussed the home schooling issue and I was told it is against the law here in Germany to do so. this is what my husband said so I believe him.

third, I have not only sat down with the teacher but with my daughter to find out what is going on in the classroom. the teacher has all but told me she does not have time to ask the other child what is going on and to me it seems she only sees or hears what my daughter does and not the other kids. I had recommended to the teacher that if my daughter starts acting out to sit her in the corner for 15 minutes and she did not like that too well. My daughter is getting teased and bullied at school, she has told me this and if this continues I am fixing to sit down with my husband and discuss the possibilites of talking to the head school master to see what to do about this.

fourth, let me say that I am not about to spank my child after the fact. if I will spank her when I actually see her do something, but to spank her after she has done something I will not do.

fifth, let me say that my daughter is not bouncing off the walls. She is only retaliating after someone does something to her.

sixth let me say that she is being tested to see what is going on with her. my husband was dead set against this until 3 weeks ago when my daughter came home a whole week from biting and hitting the kids in the classroom.

seventh let me say that, I am encouraging her and talking to her as much as I can and either its not sinking through her head or there is something else going on that she is not telling us.

last let me say that I do not know of any art therapy or any play therapist but I will bring this up to my husband.

oh and one more thing, my husband and I have already discussed the fact about another school but honestly we do not see where that would help the situation but we are talking about it and want to wait to see what the psychologist says. and if she needs a medication well, we will discuss this as well. we are not too keen on giving her something but if we can find the right medication and it helps then I am all for it.

thank you for all your comments.
Lianne

Teresa - posted on 12/13/2009

hi,i have 2 grown kids of my own .about a 1 1/2 years ago i got custody of my nephew with his own set of problems.i was told by his psychologist that she belived he had ADHD.i have not had him tested for this but i do not beleive in puting a child on drugs.i was talking to my sister-in-law about this (she has 2 children with ADHD)and she sugested ST.Johns Wart.wich is a natural herb sold in health food stores.it has calmed him down in school and at home and hes not bouncing off the walls all the time.hes doing better in school and the teacher tells me that she can see a improvement in him.its not for everone but i hope this helps.good luck and God bless

Michelle - posted on 12/13/2009

Have you recently moved to Germany? If so try just visiting your child in class and seeing what is going on in her little world, maybe this will give you some insight as to what she may be dealing with. Good luck and praying for your lil one.

Penny - posted on 12/09/2009

i seen a show on dr phil the child ended up bypolar she had a temper and parents couldn't control her and that is why

Heather - posted on 12/09/2009

hi my name is heather reichert i had the same problem with my son in shcool he is 7 also a boy kept throwing him down at school and then my son codie got tired of it and throw a ball at the boys head and the teacher saw codie do this and he got a check mark on the board and a paper sent home for me to sign explaining what happen i talked to my son about it he told me that the boy did it first i asked him if he went to the teacher about it before and he said no so i talked to the teacher about it and she removed my son from that boys table and watches at resess now for what is going on with my son well with what im getting at you should sit down with your daughter and talk to her about her problems at school and try to solove it with her and have the teacher help to thats what i did with my son and he is alot better then he was the frist of the year of school.well hope that helps

Ms. Annette - posted on 12/09/2009

Hello Mom, you have so many issues with your child. I am a mom of three young children. I sympathize with you. Besides the apparent reasons, you need to find out what is in her heart and mind; not at the same time she is upset or have been acting up. She may be lonely for more family and for America. You could consider home schooling. Absence does make the heart grow fonder right. Always remember to validate her feeling.

Catherine - posted on 12/09/2009

Hi Lianne,

This just my opinion, you are doing what you are suppose to do. I believe if you sit down and have a heart to heart talk with her about what she is angry about. Just let her talk and tell you how her day went at school, show her much love and attention as you can. I don't mean hoover over her all the time ,but spend some quality time. Set a time aside just for you and the kids. Every day before you drop them off ,at school give them a good encouraging pep talk and tell them you love them.

Ms. Annette - posted on 12/09/2009

Quoting Lianne:

frustrated and not knowing what to do with my 7 year old

hi everyone. I have really reached my limit with my 7 year old child and am not knowing what else to do. First let me say that I am an american living in Germany. yeah I started a whole new life here. My other 3 children are grown and have not given me the problems that my 7 year old is now giving me and I need some advice on what to do. I thought I would know how to handle this and have done everything I know to do but its not working.

Every day last week she came home from school with sad faces on the list her teacher sends home. This is a way for the teacher to let me know how she is doing during the day. The teacher stopped me in the parking lot from picking Katherina up from school and told me that Katherina did not want to do her math test and she cried and wanted to come home. Also she poked a boy with her pencil and then she bit two kids. She did this all week. I had a conference with the teacher last Wednesday and needless to say I think the teacher is also lost as to what to do with her. I asked the teacher if she was getting both sides of the story and she said she did not have time to do that. I also asked her if she knew the kids were calling her names and teasing her and she said that could be so, she does not know. I also asked her if it was mainly Katherina starting the problems or was it mostly the other kids. First she said it was both and then she turned around and said it was Katherina. Yes, she speaks English. I have taken the nintendo away from Katherina for a week and then I have repeatedly told her if the kids are teasing her or upsetting her to tell the teacher, but she just does not do it, she acts instead of saying something. She is in the second grade and I have had problems with her and this teacher since this school year started. The teacher recommended her to a psychologist and Katherina is now being tested, which is a long process and we will not get the results back until February. Anyway, I am really at my wits end as to what to do here and would like some advice if any of you have any. oh and by the way she is now in occupational therapy for her handwritting because it is terrible. She had this also before she started first grade and well, its not any better. on our first visit to the psychologist, he said that she is showing signs of ADHD and also low self confidence.
thank you for reading this and I hope to get some answers to this.

Theresa - posted on 12/09/2009

hi my nam is theresa i have a seven year not as bad yet she is adhd and very herp. change her deit first no red dye or caffineand the only wheat they can have is in vevta cheese watch all sugar products cutting down on these help a little and takes med, we have good and bad days give special time when thing are done good and set short goals with to accomlish them that is what iam working on good luck

Theresa - posted on 12/09/2009

Quoting Lianne:

frustrated and not knowing what to do with my 7 year old

hi everyone. I have really reached my limit with my 7 year old child and am not knowing what else to do. First let me say that I am an american living in Germany. yeah I started a whole new life here. My other 3 children are grown and have not given me the problems that my 7 year old is now giving me and I need some advice on what to do. I thought I would know how to handle this and have done everything I know to do but its not working.

Every day last week she came home from school with sad faces on the list her teacher sends home. This is a way for the teacher to let me know how she is doing during the day. The teacher stopped me in the parking lot from picking Katherina up from school and told me that Katherina did not want to do her math test and she cried and wanted to come home. Also she poked a boy with her pencil and then she bit two kids. She did this all week. I had a conference with the teacher last Wednesday and needless to say I think the teacher is also lost as to what to do with her. I asked the teacher if she was getting both sides of the story and she said she did not have time to do that. I also asked her if she knew the kids were calling her names and teasing her and she said that could be so, she does not know. I also asked her if it was mainly Katherina starting the problems or was it mostly the other kids. First she said it was both and then she turned around and said it was Katherina. Yes, she speaks English. I have taken the nintendo away from Katherina for a week and then I have repeatedly told her if the kids are teasing her or upsetting her to tell the teacher, but she just does not do it, she acts instead of saying something. She is in the second grade and I have had problems with her and this teacher since this school year started. The teacher recommended her to a psychologist and Katherina is now being tested, which is a long process and we will not get the results back until February. Anyway, I am really at my wits end as to what to do here and would like some advice if any of you have any. oh and by the way she is now in occupational therapy for her handwritting because it is terrible. She had this also before she started first grade and well, its not any better. on our first visit to the psychologist, he said that she is showing signs of ADHD and also low self confidence.
thank you for reading this and I hope to get some answers to this.

Brenda - posted on 12/08/2009

I personally am a huge home school advocate plus all of our 15 children have been home educated. I have been at it for over 17 years and have seen many drastic changes in children that were brought home. Perhaps you should investigate it some.

Janet - posted on 12/07/2009

Hi Lianne,

Ive read briefly thru the other replies and most of them seem to remind us of the old values that have worked well thru the generations ;

Reassurance - that the child is loved and listened to.

Discipline - we all have rules to abide by - even grown-ups!

Routine - I'm not keen on this, but have learned that children need this as it helps them to feel secure and realize the boundaries between their 'metime' and yours!

I contacted my Health Visitor when I had behavioural problems with my kids and she was wonderful, gave me lots of practical advice and strategies I hadnt thought of, it's often the way when your in the hot-seat - cant see the wood for the trees!



If all else fails - consider changing schools and try an Art Therapist instead of Physcologist (I'm a great believer in this)

Janet x

Gloria - posted on 12/06/2009

Unfortunately primary school is where a lot of kids learn that not all people are kind and loving. Children can be mean and hurtful and will pick on anyone different to them. Let your daughter know how much you love her and that you understand that she has to deal with children being mean. Reassure her that it is nothing to do with her that it is them that have a problem. Encourage her to talk to you about her problems. Sharing her feelings with you will lessen her burden.

Dot - posted on 12/06/2009

Hi Lianne,

It sounds liike she is really frustrated and lashes out (biting, pencil poking). Maybe a sign that she is not sure how to respondverbally? If she is trully ADD (my son is/ws...he is 21 now) it would not beunusual for her to react on inctinct instead of thinking about it first and reacting more appropriately.

Ask her about hte biting situations and how they played out. Then maybe give her some alternaative verbal responses to this type of situation. Maybe she just does not know what to do and snaps.

Poor girl! Must be so hard for her!

Hope it all works out.

Hugs!
Dot

Bridgette - posted on 12/06/2009

ADHD can be a symptom of Autism as well as small motor skills problems(handwriting they hate it). My son with out his medicne for adhd pokes his sister in the eye or relentlessly picks on her. I had no clue until my son was kicked out of a private preschool that was supposed to help special needs children. He was there for one hour and got the boot. My son has a problem with knowing how to interact and ask to join other children playing. My son sometimes tells me I wanna be normal boy. I a normal boy mommy. (To me ,he is he is my first and only boy. So i tell him that.)

Ruth - posted on 12/05/2009

If she is willingly misbehaving, then have you tried disciplining her with a spanking?? It was God's law for us to do so and will not harm their psychi. Explain what she did wrong and not to do it again and then tell her you are going to spank her to teach her discipline and then follow through with it. If it is the other kids starting it, then tell her to tell the teacher or the Principal.

Janie - posted on 12/04/2009

Lianna I had a similar experience when my youngest was in 3rd grade. Nicki was a hugger and loved giving her teachers hugs every day when she would come in and at the end of the day. Her kindergartin,1st grade teacher,and 2nd grade teacher adored this in her but her 3rd grade teacher was an older woman and found Nicki's hug unnerving. She told Nicki not to hug her and told me at the conference that she didn't like her students to hug her. I told her that that was Nicki's way of showing her that she liked her. Nicki ended up moving to a different classroom and a different teacher and it made a world of difference. In the other teacher's class Nicki was not getting her assignments in on time, got bad marks on her papers, and would try to stay home from school with imaginary stomachaches.With the new teacher Nicki's schoolwork improved. I think your daughter may be reacting to a negative teacher. See if you can have her moved to another classroom/teacher.

Jody - posted on 12/04/2009

Even kids with ADHD can respond to a behavior modification system. Have a star chart or a sticker bingo game and everything she does right have her put a sticker on the chart. When she has a bingo or has filled in one line of the chart reward her with a date...a movie, an icecream, a game night, bowling, etc.. If she makes a wrong decision ...no sticker....keep finding the good and tell her you love her everyday no matter how difficult. (The teacher can do this with a chart on her desk as well)

Claudia - posted on 12/04/2009

Hi I live in Australia and have a 7 year old had similar problems when my marriage broke up and her father left. Can you find a Play therapist instead of a psychologist?? It helped my daughter a lot after 1 year of therapy she is doing better and her self steem is growing. If you do not work why not trying home schoolin? She just want to spend time with you maybe.
Wish you all the best You are not alone God is always looking after you

Lianne - posted on 12/04/2009

Hi Judy,

 

the teacher is being suportive I think in a way but you are right she was negative in some ways talking about how Katherina was acting with her sitting right there.  Next time I will not be bringing her with me to the teacher/parent conference.  The teacher is already giving her smiley faces if she does good but other than that I dont know what else she is doing except for trying to encourage her to do things.   Katherina has now gotten to where she is saying she is homesick and wants to come home.  I really dont think the teacher knows how to handle the sudden outburst she has.  and I even suggested sitting her in a corner by herself for 15 minutes and she did not like that idea. WE are all encouraging her and giving her positive feedback.  I just do not understand where the negativity is coming from with her.

 

Quoting Judy:

Hi there.

I have a short story for you. My girlfriends went to her son's parent/teacher conference and the news wasn't good. her son wasn't doing well in most area and the teacher listed all his problems. After hearing all this I asked her. "was your son with you at the time?" and she told me he was. My next question was "Gosh, did she have anything nice to say about him?" NO.

If all a kid hears is the negative thats how they will behave. This kid was right there the whole time and that teacher didn't have anything nice to say about him. My friend went back to the teacher and questioned her. Once the teacher started talking and helping the child in a positive manner the kid did a 180.

Maybe someone needs to be on your childs side. Maybe it's not ADD or ADHD but a problem with how your childs being taught. Maybe your child needs you to believe in them above others. They are worth all your time and energy.

Judy - posted on 12/04/2009

Hi there.

I have a short story for you. My girlfriends went to her son's parent/teacher conference and the news wasn't good. her son wasn't doing well in most area and the teacher listed all his problems. After hearing all this I asked her. "was your son with you at the time?" and she told me he was. My next question was "Gosh, did she have anything nice to say about him?" NO.

If all a kid hears is the negative thats how they will behave. This kid was right there the whole time and that teacher didn't have anything nice to say about him. My friend went back to the teacher and questioned her. Once the teacher started talking and helping the child in a positive manner the kid did a 180.

Maybe someone needs to be on your childs side. Maybe it's not ADD or ADHD but a problem with how your childs being taught. Maybe your child needs you to believe in them above others. They are worth all your time and energy.

Lianne - posted on 12/03/2009

Hi Elizabeth,

 

Katherina was born here in Germany.  So she is really only American because I am, and Itailian because her dad is Italian but only born in Germany. 

 

She is telling us what is going, in the classroom.  And her friend is in the same classroom as her and we have already had to separatet them in the classroom because it was beginning to be a problem. 

 

thanks for taking the time to answer this. 

Lianne

Quoting Elizabeth:

I am wondering how long you have lived in Germany...perhaps she is still getting used to life there? And if not; my experience has been that the child that deserves attention the least needs it the most. Spend a couple nights a week doing something that interests her and she will most likely begin to feel comfortable enough to open up about something that is bothering her. Leave her notes and encourage her to leave notes for you. This may be an easier way for her to communicate and will help her handwriting. Does she have a best friend? Perhaps she knows something she isn't telling. Keep calm (even when you want to scream) and be consistent with discipline. Good luck!

Elizabeth - posted on 12/03/2009

I am wondering how long you have lived in Germany...perhaps she is still getting used to life there? And if not; my experience has been that the child that deserves attention the least needs it the most. Spend a couple nights a week doing something that interests her and she will most likely begin to feel comfortable enough to open up about something that is bothering her. Leave her notes and encourage her to leave notes for you. This may be an easier way for her to communicate and will help her handwriting. Does she have a best friend? Perhaps she knows something she isn't telling. Keep calm (even when you want to scream) and be consistent with discipline. Good luck!