grandparents caring for grandchildren

Tina - posted on 01/20/2010

I feel for you i have 6 children all with no dads 4 our mine 1 is my niece and my youngest charlie I adopted he was my nephew and now my son. My daughter lives with me as well as my 2 grandchildren and her boyfriend who is my age and does not work and no matter how hard they see me working or struggel to pay bills there is little response. I take care of my grandchildren and always will I love all of them but gont know how long I can take it

Pam - posted on 01/19/2010

We r doing this now with our Two BEAUTIFUL GRANDBABIES GIRLS Its so hard The two yr old crys for her parents . Sometimes I feel so alone with all this but after getting on this site I feel alot better. There parents gave us Temp Cust. They couldnt support them. So now they come and see them when they want it can be a couple days to 3 weeks at a time. Any help will be most appreciated..

Michelle - posted on 01/19/2010

Hi Im almost bringing up 2 of my 4 grandchildren (I have them more often than not) and at this stage I will be having my 5th grand child in my full time care when she is born in April, My daughter was assaulted and the baby is the result and she doesnt want it at the moment, that may change as the due date gets closer but at the moment she is sure that baby is going to be living with me.

Gayle - posted on 01/18/2010

do tell him nanny, but he doesnt care just puts his head on my chest and says mum. will keep persisting. about the photo of his mum i dont know if i can as she is not in his life at all that is the hard part. plus i am still very angry with her for deserting him like she did. my son went through hell because of her and one week after she left in april last year she snuck back into our house at night and took orin during the night. the police were called but nothing could be done and thenn she brought him back a week later at 8at night in just a nappy and said she couldnt handle him (he was only 8mths). we took him to drs as he was very sick and was told he had pneumonia and i had to give up my job to look after him. best decision i ever made. to make matters worse this all happpened while my husband was away on holidays so had to cope with it on my own. but every thing good now. Just still very angry with her

Darlene - posted on 01/18/2010

absolutely

Debbie - posted on 01/18/2010

you no it is hard but one good thing they got us.

Darlene - posted on 01/17/2010

thank you, It is very hard but I am I love all the grandbabies with all my heart even the ones that are my ex's, they are still mine too. I also try to be firm with alot of love behind it as well. I pray everyday that our one daughter that is married with all these kids will grow up and open her eyes, her husband of course doesnt help hes a drunk and she makes excuses for him which that too I cannot understand, I do not support some of it but will always be there for the kids that is for sure

Kathy - posted on 01/17/2010

Kelly,
I agree. Why make the baby suffer for something they have no control of? I am raising my grandson and do not for one second regret stepping in to help him.

Carla - posted on 01/17/2010

My heart goes out to you, Darlene. Hang in there best you can.

Gayle - posted on 01/17/2010

We love our grandchild and son. We provide him with all the love and attention he neeeds. As far as we are concerned his welfare is number one in our lives and all we hope for is that his dad will one day be able to care for him on his own so he doesnt misss out on that wonderful feeling of being the dad he should be.

Darlene - posted on 01/17/2010

It is very difficult not to be opinionated thought when they are on their 4th child due in august and one is less than a year and the oldest is four as well as not having the finances to take care of them, the grandparents watch them 5-6 days a week when one works 5 days and the other goes to school a couple of days, grandparents get really busy too, what do you do, you dont want the grandkids to suffer but you get so frustrated with the parents and them to have another one, I have a hard time understanding it all and the mother has meltdown fits if things dont go her way and the only way for her to stop is just to bend to her, it is such a strain on the grandparents and they do not see that, oh and their dogs run amuck thru town and tear everyones garbage up, i used to take the dogs back to her but now i just let the city handle it, just couldnt do that everyday either, I also go thru online college, this is all very stressfull

Teresa - posted on 01/17/2010

Hi Gayle,
I can relate to your situation. My husband and I have had our grandson since he was 5 months old, he is now 6. Our Son and grandson's mother live in another state. While dad makes time to come visit every few months he tends to spend more time visiting friends or picking up a few side jobs instead of spending quality time with his son. While the last 6 years have posed it's challenges for us our grandson has benefited from it. As parents we have to make sure we don't enable our adult children to be bad parents, while there is a fine line there and it is sometimes difficult to see, but I believe all we can do is to try to give guidance and remember we do not have control of who they choose to be or how they choose to act.

Carla - posted on 01/17/2010

Everyone's circumstance are so different and we must remember that in these discussions!! I can only speak from my own experience and do not judge any one else's decisions!! But as a mental health & addictions professional, I feel that if you are not able to take on the responsibility of taking care of , or even raising a grandchild unconditionally - no resentments - then you should not do it. Do it lovingly and willingly or don't do it at all. You are not doing a child any favours by raising him or her in an atmosphere in which he or she is made (however unintentionally ) to feel like a burden. I could not abandon my grandson's welfare and his future because of some "you made your bed you sleep in it" principle. It was more about him than his mother, my daughter. He did not ask for this. And he deserves the best. He would be just another statistic if we'd have forced her to keep him when she was emotionally and financially not capable. And at age 13, I shudder to think of the paths he'd be choosing now had he lived the last many years under her influence, especially in those important early years. I now have a lovely, caring, well adjusted, bright 13 year old son who brings me nothing but joy. His future is bright. His mother, my daughter, has grown up to be a responsible young woman who finally, at the age of 30, has her life together. Both my son and I are very proud of her. Any freedoms I lost (which are few) due to raising my grandson were well worth the outcomes, for him and my daughter (and for my life, as well). I wouldn't change a thing.

Darlene - posted on 01/16/2010

I am a grandmother of almost 4 LOL one not born yet. I was with my ex for 8 yrs and he has a daughter that brings her kids for him to watch everyday she goes to school 2 days a week and then brings them up to watch, you cannot get anything done, this also put a big damper on our relationship we would even have them all night, also I am disabled, so being I was tired of it and our relationship was put beyond the back burner, I did move out and she again was trying to do the same thing to me in my own house, I put a stop to it. grandmas are meant to spoil them and send them home, I do commend you for what you are doing but dad needs to fess up to his responsibilites and help alittle more. I love children and would have a million if i could but their parents need to put more effort, it will also make him feel better about himself, I do not think he would like it if his kid was calling you mom and dad.

Kelly - posted on 01/16/2010

We as parents, also must accept that we have started a family. One in which is our legacy. Sometimes we must give more and love more than we anticipated. In my heart, I would do this again. This little girl is an angel and deserves nothing less than her family to step in and give her the everything she deserves. She did not choose for her parents to be financially or emotionally unavailable. I am so very blessed to be able to step in and give her the love and direction she so much deserves.

Ramona - posted on 01/16/2010

Hi Gayle, My name is Ramona and I know just how you feel, we have our 4 year old grandson, he's been living with us since was 11 days old. My son (his dad) is not in the picture that much and his mother is not in the picture at all. I get so aggravated sometimes at his dad, he has another child and he spends more time with her than with him and that makes me so angry, but as you said I love him and will do anything I can for him. I feel like he should spend just as much time with him as he does her.

Betty - posted on 01/16/2010

Who by the way has been this childs sole care giver since birth and has finally been giving some freedom, I was not ready to become a full time mom to my grandchild. That's why we hold the title of grandparents!

Betty - posted on 01/16/2010

Hi Gayle, I have read alot of the other grandparents post and find that there are one to many of us holding down the responsibilities of parenting our grandchildren! This is not the way things are suppose to be, we're grandparents, yes we need to help our children during their times of need, but when do they become responsible for their actions as we all have had to in life. I believe we as grandparents should stand firm help when needed but not take on the responsiblity of raising grandchildren when their is at least one parent around. I have 4 grandchildren of which 1 is in currently living with us with her 18 yr old mother.

Kelly - posted on 01/16/2010

Hi Gayle, I am a 43 year old Grandmommy and my 25 year old unmarried daughter lived with us until her daughter was 10 mos old. My beautiful baby is now 13 mos and thriving. I am thankful very day that I am able to give this lovely girl a home and security her parents cannot. Neither one of them have stability or any want need or desire to be parents. My biggest fear is after all this time, is they decide to bring this little girl into the ditch they insist on living in.

Kathy - posted on 01/16/2010

I am raising my grandson who is 1 1/2 yrs old. Things were a lot easier the 1st time around when I was a lot younger. Now at the age of 52, I just don't move like I used to. The baby's mom doesn't live here anymore and neither does dad. They both live 3 hours away. I'm divorceed so it's just me. The baby is a joy and delight to have and I, like you , plan to do everything I can for him.

Carla - posted on 01/15/2010

Hi there, My name is Carla and I ended up adopting my grandson...so he's my son now! He's been with us since birth, and his mom (my daughter) moving away from our city when he was a year old. It's all worked out very nicely, although there were lots of bumpy spots along the way. I am now almost 55 and my son is 13. I can't imagine my life without him!!

Barb - posted on 01/15/2010

wow u have no idea how huge this problem is there are lots of us grandparents out there that are in the same spot , i have custody of two of my grandchildren . the group u are looking for is kinship navigator. , they will have lots of ideas for u . i could give u some but they would be for the hamilton ohio area. u will need to find a support group in ur area to give u new ideas on this matter. but please do we have a great time in our groups.

Sarah - posted on 01/14/2010

hi gayle, my name is sarah and first let me commend you for what you are doing for your grandchild. i myself am a grandparent but am not raising her. i do however work for a shelter for kids and i see alot of this. you can always take dad to domestic relations to get support to take some of the burden financially off of you. ther are also alot of support groups that deal with this subject. sometimes just to talk with other grandparents that are in the same boat helps. just google it. isn't that what everyone does... if you just want to talk i would be happy to listen. but there are support groups and you can also contact childrens services to get help.