Rachel - posted on 12/19/2009 ( 32 moms have responded )
My boy Keith was killed October 8, 2009 he just turned 18 and christmas is coming howdo you celebrate or get over the grief?
Rachel - posted on 12/19/2009 ( 32 moms have responded )
My boy Keith was killed October 8, 2009 he just turned 18 and christmas is coming howdo you celebrate or get over the grief?
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Nancy - posted on 01/04/2010
You just try to do the best that you can. I have never had a child die however my niece just did! In Oct. also He was only 4 months old. She did not want any of us to celebrate Christmas Thankgiving or anything else. So all we did was try to do the best we could with her and talked alot about things that she wanted to do with Jamarha that seemed to help her. I know that my posting is too late and Christmas has passed. After our Mother Died she was my best Friend and it was on Jan 2 2006 that she past I still found myself thinking of her more on that day then anyother. She went through bone cancer and we found out in 05 the day before Thankgiving. That Christmas was the hardest ever in my live. Love each talk about him and share your memory's forever. Best wishes Nancy
Patricia - posted on 01/03/2010
I too lost a son, Rachel. My son Donald died of a massive heart attack, three years ago, at the age of 29. He was my oldest of three sons. I was devastated by his loss. Donald had health problems, he was overweight, had hypertension which was untreated for several years, causing damage to his kidneys, and no doubt to his heart. The way I get through my grief is by thinking that he is in a better place, and that he is not suffering. You see had Donald lived he would have been placed on dialysis for his kidneys, and he was so afraid, and he didn't want to be unable to work or take care of himself. So you see I thank God everyday that he took my baby when he did and the way that he did. Quick and painless. My only regret is that I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to him or tell him that I loved him one last time. I take one day at a time and each day I ask God to give me the strength and the courage to make it through another day. I have my good days and my bad days. Birthdays and holidays are the hardest, but I take one day at a time.
Cristine - posted on 01/03/2010
I Lost my son on November 17th 2008 and if you ever need to talk please feel free to message me or add me on facebook .I will be the first to tell you it's very very hard to go on. And i have found a group that would most likely help you as it has me finally .
Tracy - posted on 01/02/2010
I know what you are going through I lost my daughter Aimee 5 months ago in a car accident she had just turned 19 a couple of days before she died. Unfortunately you are the only one that can decided how you cope with the grief, i talk alot about Aimee to people and that helps, as my husband and boys tend to store everything up and not talk, whereas i find it helpful. Everybody kept asking if i was putting up a tree at xmas time in the end i didn't as Aimee usually put the tree up even though she probably would of wanted one up. As i said Rachel it does help to talk to other people if you every need to talk please contact me. Take one day at a time girl thats all you can do and it does hurt not having them here
Diana - posted on 01/02/2010
i lost one of my twin may 28th. fri. 11 yrs. til that he had a germ size tuma the size of a football on his breathing conpastic he was just in town the 25 left out that thurs. i talk to him thurs night when went into the hospital and friday morning that night he ie . yes i know and it's not easy especially around the holidays i believe some days i'm still numb over the fact . so sorry for your lost if you believe you willl get through it one day at a time.
Emma - posted on 01/01/2010
I lost my daughter Holly on 31st Jan 07 aged 18 yrs to an asthma attack. The 1st Christmas without her I was rushed to hospital and had emergency surgury 10 day s b4 so I dont really remember much. I now try to remember Holly at Christmas as good times but it still hurts and yet again at midnite last nite I shed a few tears for her. Just take one day at a time, the 1st of everything r the most difficult but it does get a little easier each year. If you need to chat just get in touch, Emma xxxxxx
Patti - posted on 01/01/2010
Rachel, I am so sorry. I lost my baby Robyn almost 30 years ago, and that first Christmas was very hard. But God is so faithful, especially in our grief. He has sustained me all these years and I am confident He will do the same for you. I am praying for you.
Britt - posted on 12/31/2009
My oldest child, Nicholas, died on March 15th, 2007, at the age of 19 years old. I also suffered a pregnancy loss (ectopic) one week before my son's burial--in Maine, you often have to wait till spring to bury the decaeased when they pass away in th winter.) I have also suffered 3 other miscarriages. It's tough, for sure...hospice groups have been a big help to me.
My son's memorial webpage is: http://nicholas-mark-higgins.memory-of.c...
Edna - posted on 12/31/2009
I had a child die at 7 weeks old . He will be 31 on jan.13th I never got over the grief i just live with it and remember the 7 weeks of wonderful time I had with him. He was the perfect son. But had medical problems theydidnt find until after his death. They said if he would have lived he would have been a vegetable but I didnt see that in him He was gaining weight and starting to lift his head and doing all the things a 7wk. old would do. But they found a hole inthe back of his throat tha was letting the fluids go to his brain and the food go to his stomach the doctors said the fluids on the brain and the indirect hernis that busted was the cause of death. I still miss him even though I have 3 other children 2 girls older than him and a son younger than him. He was my first son and he was precious . The first 3 years after his death i went to counseling it helped to ease the pain but not the loss.
MARY - posted on 12/31/2009
I have not lost a child but since Jund 2009 I have lost either a family member or close friend every single month.My father passed away the 30th July but I still grieve for him as there was still so much I needed to say to him.The 30th August my son-in-law died leaving behind a widow aged 30 & two boys ages 3 & a half years & the other one just over 1 year.I feel so sorry for these two little boys who need their father so desperately & will never really know him. My heart goes out to you on the loss of your son.I will pray for you & hopefully in time you will be able to live life to the fullest.I am sure that Keith would have wanted you to carry on living.Grieve as long as you have to & like my dad & son-in-law, I believe that God needed them up there in heaven & you will be reunited with Keith again some day.
Cindy - posted on 12/30/2009
I lost twin daughters in July1997 when i was 6.5 months pregnant. we didnt know until that time it was twins, and one was very sick. It is a very difficult thing to go through whether the child is newborn or older. No parent should ever have to experience the death of their child. I celebrate them at christmas by buying and angel ornament to put on the tree so that i can feel like we include them in our holiday. I know god had another purpose for them and that helps me get through it.
Teresa - posted on 12/30/2009
GOOD MORNING I AM A NEW MEMBER JUST GOING THROUGH DIFFERENT SIGHTS AND I CAME ACROSS THIS ONE AND I DIDNT HAVE A CHILD DIE HE WAS MURDERED HE HAD JUST TURNED 18 A MONTH BEFORE HE WAS KILLED 2 GUYS TRIED TO ROB HIM AND SHOT HIM 3 TIMES IN HIS HEAD IT HAPPENED IN 04 AND TILL THIS DAY IT IS STILL HARD EVEN THOUGH I HAVE OTHER CHILDREN I STILL GET THAT LONINESS OF WANTING TO TALK TO HIM AGAIN, BUT EACH DAY I NOTICE THAT GOD HELPS ME EACH DAY HAPPY NEW YEARS MOMS
Elaine - posted on 12/30/2009
I am so so so sorry for ur loss my dear. My daughter Chelsea passed away 27th May this year, 8 days after her 17th b'day. I miss her soo much rachel. School holidays and Public Holidays were hard, but Xmas was going to be a biggy for me and i wasn't looking forward to it at all. I gave my xmas tree and accessories away, I couldn't bear to c it all up this year. My mother in law told the family that it was going to be jus my partner, myself an our boys here xmas morning, jus a nice quiet 1. we went to see Chels an stayed with her for awile before heading to my sister in laws home for the rest of the day. U know i keep saying- yes she is in a good place, an yes she was taken for a reason, and yes god only chooses the best, and yes Heaven is a beautiful place, but damit on the other hand im saying- why did god have to take MY Chels, MY only daughter, MY child, MY MY MY an WHY? WHY? WHY?
May god bless us rachel and our husbands and also the rest of our family to carry on, and soldier on. We got to do this for our children that are still with us because they need us and we actually need them too. I do know that one day we will c our loved ones again and yes that will be a joyous day. God Bless xox
Kriss - posted on 12/29/2009
To all of you that have lost...celebrate their lives. Remember the smiles, the hugs, the laughter. Don't be afraid to cry. I was 19 when I lost my brother (21) to a hit and run. Four months later my mom was diagosed with Cancer... 8 months later we lost her to that cancer. The pain lessens as years go by but you never forget and you never stop missing them. I have seen families where the mom turns to drinking/depression at the expense of the other children. Try to celebrate their lives (that is how they would want it), for your sake and for the sake of your other children.
Anne - posted on 12/29/2009
First let me say how sorry I am that you have lost your son. My son died from Colon Cancer in August 05. He was diagnosed the end of February and was gone 6 months later. I took care of him at home the last 4 months. I watched as he slipped through my fingers. I never felt so helpless. I don't believe I will ever get over the loss. I still thnk about him every day and I still cry a little everyday as well, but most af all I laugh as I remember some of the things he did or we did together. I don't think I have really greaved. I have two daughters one 32 one 17 and I am afraid if I let go I will never find my way back. Whether that is good or bad I don't know, but I do know that I will keep him in my heart forever. I feel your pain.
Ginny - posted on 12/29/2009
My youngest girl Gracie was murdered when she was 15 back in 1997.
I try to do things to honor her memory;
have her favorite foods onher birthday
keep in touch with her friends [they are grieving too]
blog with relatives and friends about memories and feelings
do what makes you feel close to your departed child.
I pray novenas for her repose often.
Sher'ri - posted on 12/27/2009
My heart aches for you...I am so very sorry. I listen to Greg Laurie on the radio...last june his son was killed, he has quite a story and has written a couple of books. Here is his website and you can look it over, order his book please...I know it holds the needed information you heart is starving for. http://www.harvest.org/greg/
Vicki - posted on 12/25/2009
My heart and prayers goes out to you at this time in your life. My name is Vicki and I lost my oldest daughter in January of 2004, my father in December 2004, a sister in November of 2006 and a brother recently in September of this year.
My daughter was my best friendand it still hard to deal with to this day, but keep talking about your son and stay around family, it helped me a great deal.
There are people who deal with losing a child in many different ways and there is no right way of doing it, so listen to your heart and let yourself feel the pain, that just shows you have a love that is unconditional.
Hang in thee and even though the holidays are going to be difficult, don't give up and remember... you son is always with you!!
Pamela - posted on 12/23/2009
Rachel, my heart goes out to you and your loss. I have never experienced the loss of a child and I am a mother of a 27 year old son. I cannot imagine your pain but all I can say is be grateful that you were blessed with a child. Cherish the fact that he was given to you to serve whatever purpose he served in your life and celebrate the fact you can be called a mother. There are women who would love to have just a moment to experience motherhood but cannot. You are a special woman and Keith was a special son just because he was given to you. Keep his memory and be thankfull for the time you had together. I pray that you are allowed to grieve but don't hold onto it. After your mourning period move on and make Keith proud of your strength.
DawnMarie - posted on 12/23/2009
My Youngest son Michael (was 16) was killed in a car Accident on Christmas eve 1997. I was driving the car, and we hit a previous accident site with a downed tracter trailer. My son was killed instantly and i was hurt pretty badly, my sister was hurt in the back seat.
I know that your heart is fresh with grief, as the wound is so close to the surface. There are some things to remember each day and that is every single person grieves diferently, and takes things at a different pace. And It is O. K. to cry. We as mother have a hole in our heart when we lose one of our children, especially thru death.
I myself have my faith to lean on; And I am a care giver by nature, always have, which helped me in the grieving proccess, at least in the beginning.I think if you remember that this event will change your life forever, and it is you who can make that change.
Tammi - posted on 12/22/2009
Hi, Rachel, I am Tammi. I lost my middle son in January of this year. It has been 11 months and 6 days for me. I, too, am having trouble coping with the holiday season. I just wish that it would go away. My tree is up already, and gifts have been bought, but I am just not in the holiday mood. I miss mine even more now than I did when he died.
I met a woman two weeks ago while doing a Victim's Impact Panel. Her name was Tina, and she lost her middle child also. In her experience, the first year was easier than the second year. It didn't help that her son died on December 21, so she was planning a funeral instead of anticipating Christmas. Her words to me that night were these: It does not get any easier. But it does get softer.
Not a day goes by that I don't miss my son, or think of him. Coupled with the holidays is the pending trial of the boy who killed him. But I am grateful for this: my son knew that I love him, and he loves me. That will never change.
I hope that you can find some comfort in knowing that he loves you, especially at this time of year. I am in the same boat as you are, and will help you in any way that I can. Just message me, or add me to your circle.
Molly - posted on 12/22/2009
Yes I had two boys die. An I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a still born in "83". An In "97" my middle boy was killed by an 18 wheeler. He would be in his 20's now. The holidays is very hard.but I get through, you got to. I think an know my boys are in heaven, a so much better place than here, that makes it easier, but I still cry..
SUE - posted on 12/21/2009
Wow. I'm so sorry to hear about your son. You don't ever get over the grief. Grief is there so we are reminded of how much we still love and miss them. You should be concerned when the grief is gone. Embrace the grief. It will get easier but don't ever let it go...
Kimberley - posted on 12/21/2009
Also, Rachel...celebrate his life for xmas...if other's feel uncomfortable tough luck! This is about you and your family and son...Keep him alive because in heaven he is a thriving young man
Kimberley - posted on 12/21/2009
I am so very sorry Rachel, although I haven't lost a child. I have lost many relatives. My Daddy in his 40's, Mom in her 50's, and in laws...After losing my Father I had a whole new sense of life and it's meaning and I was just 22. Having a child myself(a 3 yr. old) I cannot conceive of what that loss could possibly feel like. But, I have a very strong sense of God and life and it's meaning. You will be with him again. I have no shred of doubt (none)..He see's you and your struggles and helps as much as he can. My Grandma who was the most beautiful person in the world lived to be 89..She lost 3 out of five children. One at 18, one at 50, and my Dad at 45 she was 80 when my Dad died. It did not change her faith in the hereafter at all. That is what kept her going and the love of her other relatives(grandchildren, etc.)...Again, Rachel please believe he is with you and talk with him. He hears you and will comfort you..by the way my daughter is named Rachel..and she almost didn't make it when she was first born. She was born at 28 weeks and was in the hospital for almost 2 mos. Now she is a vibrant 3 yr. old. Your post made me appreciate things I have even more...take care Rachel and again I am so sorry..:(
Betty - posted on 12/20/2009
i have four children. my second son died Jan of 2009..he was 27.. i didnt put up the norm tree for Christmas i cant .. i not handling it to well ..it will be a year in Jan and i still am in pain and lost. i am still griefing hard at days and sometimes i am still numb. i smile for my other kids and i try to be strong for them .. so the big xmas tree is not put up this year, a small one is up and the decorations are different.. my brother brought me a little boy angle to put on my tree and i hung it and cried later that night. i miss him so much somedays i cant stand it .. i am sorry for your lost too.. i wish i had a answer to help you but i dont..i touch his picture that hangs on my wall all the time .. i talk to him alot.. five month before my son died .. my dad past .. i held his hand and heard his last breath..my mom past when i was preg with my first child.. so i guess i had my full of loosing ppl but when my son died i feel a part of me died that day too.. i wish i could say the pain gets easy after awhile but i dont think so i dont think it will ever go totally away.. my son had a laff that would make anyone laught. he was alot of fun to just be around..one day a few month after.. (he always drove my car) i got into it and was driving we loved listening to music and my car speaker wasnt to good .. but after he past i was just needing to get away from everyone so i was driving and i turned my radio on and put in a cd we always listen to .. he put new speakers in my car with a amp thingy too .. i didnt know he did it .. i had to pull off the highway it really hit me that day the hardness.. everytime i turn my radio on i smile cuz i know he is giggle thinkin mom can jam in her car now .. we will miss them every time a special day or a holiday but remember one day we will hold our baby again .. our love for our children is very deep.. take one day at a time.. i hug you tight...i dont know if this helps you or not but maybe knowing your not alone in yoru griefing and having a hard time with christmas too maybe helps .. i dont know i hope so ..you are lucky to do have your husband to help you through this.. hold each other close.
Kimberley - posted on 12/20/2009
Yes I lost a child when i was 5and a half months pregant with him and it was very hard at first and then 14 months later i had twins they will be 12 next month i see a little bite of him in them ,but i know he is fine because up in Heaven everything is well no one will suffer there that is is happy place and just know that they are with Jesus and they would want us to go on with our every day life.
Tina - posted on 12/20/2009
sorry for your loss.my name is Tina,I'm 47 i too lost a son back in Oct of 2003,he was 24 my first born out of three boys i also lost my 27 yr old brother seven months earlier of the same yr, Feb 2003,I've experienced dead before, you know, grandparents,aunts etc....but it's so different..... even the loss of my bro didn't compare to the loss of my son, the love we have for are children is much deeper, my grief was so intense. for me the hardest part was convincing myself that i would never see him again ,as far as getting over the grief that comes with time.
i remember driving in a bad storm about 6 mo. after losing my son ,i was the driver my husband and sister was in the car w/me and my sister was scared and crying because she thought a tornado was coming and we were going to die ,the weird part was i wasn't scared at all i felt this peace come over me like it wouldn't be so bad to die because I'd get to hold my son again and tell him how much i loved him , it's hard to explain the peace i found that day in that storm,but I no longer feared death the heaviness that weighed on my heart wasn't as heavy .since then my thoughts turn to being grateful for the time we did shared,i focus on being there for my other children and grandchildren .i diffidently don't take live for granite any more ...i try to make the most out of every day! i hope you too can find peace.
Laura - posted on 12/19/2009
The holidays are the hardest time to deal with the loss of someone you love. I am so sorry for the loss of your child. Remember him this Christmas by celebrating that he is your child, and that God is watching over him until you can be together again. Grief is a natural process toward healing, and in time you will be able to cherish all of those memories that at this time are very painful. Hang his special ornaments, cook his special foods, and share with your husband the memories of all of the things your son has done throughout his short life that have brought joy to you and your husband. The only way to get past grief is to go through it, without deep love, there would be no grief. Take comfort in the fact that you have been a good and loving mother to your son. Eventually you will be able to celebrate him with joy in your heart. God must have a special purpose for him that he took him from you when he did. My heart goes out to you Rachel.
Ann - posted on 12/19/2009
Hey, Rachel my heart goes out to you .My sister lost her baby when he was three months old. It was really hard for her and i dont think you ever get over it. Nothing anyone says is going to make you feel any better only time will help.. I'll be praying for you i know it has to be really hard to go through christmas without your baby. But Baby boy is in heaven now with Jeses and is one of his little angels watching over you. You will meet him again someday.. You will be in my prayers.. Ann
MYRTLE/NESE - posted on 12/19/2009
My son was killed 11 years ago. I dealt with the grief, always thinking of how he would
react to most any situation. He was a happy go luck kind of guy, so I would think about
how he always would laugh! I found a place of Joy knowing no one nor nothing could hurt him.
Joan - posted on 12/19/2009
first let me tell you how sorry i am. i never lost a child but did have a miscarriage. i didn'tthink i was going to make it thru that loss. so i can only imagine how painful this is. my advice would be to live life like he would want you too. would he want to to be sad and mourn? or would he want you to celebrate his life and be happy focus on the good he brought to life and not on just the sad and painful things. i wish you the best. you will be in my prayers.