Help!!! Potty training

Patti - posted on 06/20/2009

Man, I thought you were talking about my youngest son! He refused to go on the toilet. We tried everything from targets to rewards and everything in between. I wanted him trained before he turned 5 (which he did in early May). By the end of March we were still getting nowhere so I ended up having my own little "boot camp". My husband was traveling for work, and a friend took my other 2 boys for a weekend. I gated off our kitchen, powder room area. He had a stack of underwear, had a potty chair, wipes and paper toweling. No TV, no toys, no books. Tons of snacks and drinks (anything he wanted anytime). Anytime he peed on the potty, he got a toy (I had a box with a mix of matchbox and bakugan). Every time he had an accident, he cleaned it and I took back any toys he earned. I constantly reminded him to listen to his body. We spent a total of 21 hours over a weekend doing this and I am glad to say that he is peeing on the toilet. When he finally figured it out he proclaimed "see that wasn't so bad!". We are still working on pooping, but we have come MILES from where we were. Good luck!!

Lynn - posted on 06/19/2009

Hi, I'm not sure if this is website is international? I live in Perth, Western Australia. I was terrified of placing my son in Daycare. He had diffculties with eating - he didnt like to pick up food, he didnt chew very well, and he would stuff too much in his mouth and gag. I said my son is using toilet successfully outside the home, but this only works most of the time and he still needs nappies. It works more successfully outside of home because my son does have a strong desire to act like his peers. Also I think because he has set times when he eats and drinks at daycare it makes his toileting routine more manageable. Anyway I finally put my son in Daycare 1 day a wk at 3&1/2yrs, they do not mind changing nappies and it has been a great experience for him. His Kindy is for special needs kids. Are you planning on sending him to Kindy next year? If he is still in nappies the teachers or assistants have to help as it is prejudice otherwise. It is in the Education Act here. My son is developmentally delayed and does not really have any idea that the other kids think it is strange he is still in nappies. He will realise perhaps in the next 12mths and that is the problem - how kids in nappies are treated by other kids. The hard work I mentioned in the books I recommended has yr child practise sitting on the toilet, increasing the times spent sitting (use a kitchen timer), giving rewards. Checking his nappy every 30 mins for 1-2wks, noting what happens, then establishing a routine around that. Charting the success of that routine and adjusting it accordingly, whether that be the times you take him to the toilet, or when he is allowed fluids (not reducing fluids, just controlling when given). All done with a firm, calm and patient attitude. Phew! See what I mean? There is more detail involved and it would help to read the books (they supply the charts). Make sure he has pants that are easy to pull down & up. Get a seat to fit toilet for him, get a secure step that doesnt move. Get a 'stable table' he can have on his lap with special toy he only gets for sitting on toilet. As Marne said alot of mums against bribes and I was too but you can choose what rewards he gets whether that be a favourite activity or chocolate for doing a poo or wee. Rewards certainly have a valuable place in helping train or discipline kids. I sympathise with yr son's condition it must be very difficult. I respect and value doctors but in my experience their opinions can vary greatly, I've also been given some terrible advice, misinformation, complete ignorance and even seriously incorrect diagnoses'. The impact for yr son is social not physical and I would advise again reading these books or talking to a clincial psychologist what it could possibly mean for yr son if he is still in nappies by time he has to attend Kindy or pre-school. Bullying and self-esteem issues can and do start at very young ages. Im sorry if my own fears for my son are making me come across too serious, I tend to do that. P.S. My son is very strong willed too - good luck!!

Adelle - posted on 06/19/2009

No wisdom. My son also resisted for a long time. Absolutely dug in his heels.

In Massachusetts, licensed daycare facilities often do not insist a child be toilet trained - it has something to do with the requirements of licensing.. So my son went in pull ups. Cannot recall when, but the reinforcement of lots of other kids using the potty made him want to do it, and he was older than your son, but younger than 4. So the school trained him, not me.

For urine training, I've heard that tossing some Cheerios into the toilet can be made into a game - "hit/sink the Cheerio." One point for every hit. A certain # of hits and you win a prize (Boys will 'buy into' competition far more readily than girls). You can find floating paper 'targets' in fancy kid gear catalogs, but the cereal is cheaper.

Adelle - posted on 06/19/2009

No wisdom. My son also resisted for a long time. Absolutely dug in his heels.

In Massachusetts, licensed daycare facilities often do not insist a child be toilet trained - it has something to do with the requirements of licensing.. So my son went in pull ups. Cannot recall when, but the reinforcement of lots of other kids using the potty made him want to do it, and he was older than your son, but younger than 4. So the school trained him, not me.

For urine training, I've heard that tossing some Cheerios into the toilet can be made into a game - "hit/sink the Cheerio." One point for every hit. A certain # of hits and you win a prize (Boys will 'buy into' competition far more readily than girls). You can find floating paper 'targets' in fancy kid gear catalogs, but the cereal is cheaper.

Judi - posted on 06/19/2009

There is a book titled "Toilet Train Your Toddler in Less Than a Day". I don't recall who wrote it, but it has been out more than 20 years in the U.S. The method was developed to help special needs kids, but works great for the average child. It includes lots of praise, the youngster teaching a baby doll, snacks, and a few hours of your, or someone else willing, time. You might want to read this one before trying any more. I have three boys and all three learned by this method. I hope this helps.

Marne - posted on 06/19/2009

I know most parents are against bribery but I say go with what works! With my first those little bite sized oreos worked for pee. I also bought bunches of little matchbox cars and rubber dinosaurs, you know the kind for kids party grab bags?, and if he stayed clean all day he got to pick a present. Do this for a couple of monthes then slowly back off the bribes like staying dry gets cookies at lunch and a prize at the end of the day instead of a cookie every time , that kind of thing. I pushed my oldest because I became pregnant with twins shortly after his 2nd birthday and REALLY did not want to try changing diapers while 8 monthes gone with twins.It worked well. He trained very fast.

Wendy - posted on 06/19/2009

Daniel has had exeama since 4 months old it covers his whole body, it requires 24/7 attention. Doctors tell me not to worry to much about potty training, but how can I place him in Daycare when he's not potty trained at 3? The frustrating thing is he know's what to do, but is so head strong he won't go to the loo. And of course the exeama complicate's things. But I will check out your websites thank you.

Lynn - posted on 06/18/2009

Hi, I have a 4yrs 3mths boy with autism and I have been researching quite a bit. There are great books you can get and maybe if you have tried all usual methods perhaps you should consider trying the methods for kids with special needs. All books I have read say that if your child meets criteria to be ready for toilet training, and yr child is 4yrs it should be a priority above any other issue. 2 books I have read are 'The Potty Journey' by Judy Coucouvanis - it covers everything really, gives you charts to use, and basically recommends an award system (order online at www. asperger.net). Also 'Toilet Training' by Maria Wheeler (Future Horizons Inc). They pretty much guarantee results but it does seem like alot of work and you need to pick a good time to start. I'm no expert at all but I would get on to this if I was you, don't just think it will happen, especially as yr son won't even go near toilet. My son has been using toilet successfully at Kindy, Day Care and Autism EI Centre but not at home. Its the old story of behaving well for everyone else except mum! I'm getting serious with the home toilet training in July school hols. Good luck.