Hi how do you know when to let your 14 year girl have a boyfriend.

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Laura - posted on 03/21/2012

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Having been a 14 year old girl and gone through the teen years with my daughter, I feel I am qualified to answer this question. My mother and I did not have a close relationship and I did not feel comfortable talking to her about boys. I was told I could not date until I was 16. I met a boy I liked and snuck around to be with him. I ended up pregnant at 15. Yes, I said 15.



I was bound and determined not to let that happen to my daughter. I made sure from an early age that she knew she could talk to me about anything. When she got her period, I had the talk with her. And at 14 when she told me a 16 year old boy wanted to date her, I was scared to death. But I knew that if I did not allow her to see him, she would probably just sneak around like I did. So we had a long talk and I told her she could see him as long as they were with a group of friends. After 2 weeks, she came to me and told me she broke up with him because he wanted to move too fast. Wish I had been as smart as her! She is 21 now and getting ready to marry her boyfriend of 5 years.



The best thing you can do for your daughter is to make sure you have a good relationship and she feels comfortable talking to you about anything and you will answer her questions honestly.

Debbie - posted on 02/03/2012

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I am the mother of 6 children ranging in ages 12 to 24. I will not allow my 14 year old to date. That's way too young. I have advised my children that they may begin dating at the age of 16, but only with a crowd.

Kim - posted on 10/21/2009

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THANK YOU! I pray that other Moms with young daughters can get this. Sending a 14yr old out on a date and NO supervision is just irresponsible. Even when they are in a group, I still say that there should be supervision. Parents that drop their children off at the movies, the mall, skating, or wherever they drop them off: with NO SUPERVISION, really needs to STOP doing this. Love your children enough to take the time to ensure their safety by being with them or making sure that a responsible adult is with them. As I before stated, Parents, stop trying to be your childs friend and be the PARENT!

Jennifer - posted on 03/17/2012

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Not yet give her another year, 14 year old should not saddle themselves with nothing more serious than what to eat, wear and school work, boy friends will be there all through their life but her younger years wont. and lets face it with a boyfriend come responsibilities she will not be honest with you about and i mean SEX etc. If at 15 she shows that she can handle her school work, as well as all the other things that she have HAVE to do, then you MAY consider it but not before.Let her be a child for as long as possible. You dont want to be a young grand mother do you.

Kim - posted on 03/06/2012

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After reading everybody's post thus far, it seems that there is just a very select few of us that agree not to let our kids date at such an early age!!! I guess it's this new fad age for the kids to tell the parents what they want and the parents say OK...Just Shaking My Head!!!

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Kim - posted on 04/11/2012

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WOW! I love that this discussion is still on-going. However, I still stand on my beliefs as a christian that it is wrong to allow children at 14 yrs. of age to date because that's what they are, CHILDREN!!!

Parents, I realize that times have changed but why do your morals have to? Yes, I want my children to be popular, outgoing, and have many friends, but at what cost? At 14, our children should not be focus on being in a relationship, instead, they should be enjoying their youth with family and friends; hanging out at the mall shopping, movies, skating, etc., and even then, a responsible adult should be present at all times. Most important, EDUCATION should be in the forefront!

I have read many of these posts and it's sad that most have no solid christian values! I'm not judging, but it's obvious that attending Church and reading the Bible is a "no show" in some of your homes...SAD

Andy-Kay - posted on 03/21/2012

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If you don't have her have a boyfriend just keep in mind that she can always date behind your back.

Andy-Kay - posted on 03/21/2012

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Well my daughter has a boyfriend all ready so anytime as long as she as a good head on her shoulders and won't do anything that he pushes her on doing so when she gets one sit down with her and talk with her and make sure she is telling the truth about what he is saying or doing to her,

User - posted on 03/17/2012

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14 next week she will be pregnant please!! this is ridiculous. She needs to be reading books and getting an education. I suggest you not even let this child have a boyfriend, you may be a grandmother sooner than you think!.. CHeers

Wendy - posted on 03/13/2012

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I feel, my opinion only, is that they are not mature enough at fourteen and that is way to young to deal with all the emotions that go along with "dating". I want my daughter to focus on school and the importance of having good girlfriend relationships. I don't want her tying herself to a boy at this age. I don't want my daughter to feel like she has to have a boy in her life to define who she is. I want to raise her to be an independant women and to rely on herself. There will be plenty of time for boys later.

Vickie - posted on 02/26/2012

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I have a 14 year old and she has had a couple of bf, but hasn't shown an interest in spending time with them after school. I suppose it is a blessing that at certain school functions she is still interested in hanging out with her friends in a group. I told her that there is no touching allowed and it is wrong, so hopefully even tho we fight all the time, it has sunk in..

Jen - posted on 02/26/2012

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At that age boy friend is simply a friend who is a boy that she might kiss, and cuddle with. Generally it gets no more serious than that due to age related awkwardness.

Tina - posted on 02/16/2012

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Depends on the type of relationship she holds her self in with others. Mothers, fathers, friends, acquaintances and boyfriends.Some times trust is a hard thing to swallow.Like you do and don't, for so many reasons. One could ask random relationship questions to encourage young views of self.(but remember they are all still just young children learning, and most are using wrong or emphasized wording) "you, know what I mean!"-dramatic. Letting them explore their life, with in reason-trusting. Good luck in parenting to us all

Leslie - posted on 02/13/2012

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You need to set very specific ground rules. For our daughter, the main rule was group dates only. There had to be at least least two other people her age (we live in a small community and the ages mix).



If a boy comes to our house to hang out, he hands over his car keys. This way I know that they cannot sneak out of town.



These rules were set over two years ago. Last month a boy asked her out and she did not even hesitate in telling this boy the rules. She knows that the rules are made because we love her. She is learning to love herself enough to adopt these rules as her own.

Alexandra - posted on 02/07/2012

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i would'nt like the ideia of my 14 year old having a boyfriend. try to delay it as much as possible.

Lori - posted on 02/03/2012

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My 13 1/2 year old daughter just recently received her first broken heart from her first boyfriend! I have learned to proceed with caution. I did not know anything about this boy, but let the relationship go on. Do you know this boy and does your daughter? I would say if you do decide to say yes, just have them be good friends - take it slow. My daughter and this boy fell for each other way too fast for such a young age. They should be good friends and then the relationship will work out even if they do break up!

Debra - posted on 10/20/2009

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I do believe young ladies (teenagers) should not date until they are ready for marriage (21 yrs. plus). Some highly confident girls will lay the ground rules with their dates (ages 16 + maybe). I believe parents should help with this and interview the dates and discuss ground rules. This should weed out dates with not so gentlemen like plans. Young ladies should have group activities with supervision (other parents) always present. Parents should always insist on parents names and phone numbers for these activities. This also weeds out the wrong group activities. They should not drive to activities until they are 18 yrs. old and graduated from high school. Your house should also be a welcome & fun place for group activities for your teens even if you're interest is cooking for them on the grill. If you cook they'll usually come.

Maturity doesn't usually hit until 18-20 yrs. of age from the reasoning part of the brain. All the drama from relationships can put too much stress on what should be a great and enjoyable high school education.

Relli - posted on 10/19/2009

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You DONT let a 14yr old have a boyfriend. They arent mentally or emotionally prepared at that age to date. My daughter will be 17 in a week and we just started the process. I have to meet parents and young man. The one she presented to me, didnt like him and said so. Aint even met him yet. I communicated with him on FB and he didnt respond accordingly, so NEEEEEEXT! If they are dating for anything other than marriage at that age, all they are going to do is have sex. If you are ok with your 14yr old having sex, than your decision should be an easy one. Im teaching my daughter to wait. All she will get is used up & distracted from important things like...........COLLEGE!

Lori - posted on 10/18/2009

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When this topic came up when my daughter was 14, we told her she wasn't allowed to "date" because, basically what we believe, dating is for finding your mate for life. But, we did say she could hang out in groups of friends together. Like roller skating, or going to movies. My daughter didn't start dating till she was 19, almost 20, and then she just got married this last June to a wonderful young man. She turned 22 a week before she married him. Of course you are your child's parent, and probably know whether or not they are emotionally ready. If they are not, then I would not encourage it, I would just say be friends, she will have plenty of time to "date" when she's older.

Maria - posted on 10/18/2009

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my 24 year old has got a boyfriend, see has been with him for 5 years, and thay live together,my 25 year old lives with them, but dos not have a boyfriend she is very happy two,

Tare - posted on 10/18/2009

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It depends on her definition of boyfriend. In my opinion 14 is too young. Male friendship is ok but dating, not yet.

Stacy - posted on 10/18/2009

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My oldest daughter had a boyfriend at 14... and a baby at 15. This daughter is now 27 years old and a very successful mom of 2 children. My youngest daughter is now 14 and I am watching her like a hawk. I wont discourage her from having a boyfriend but I will and do discourage her from taking on responsibilities she is not yet ready for. I remind my children that relationships are a responsibility in itself. I was open and honest with my oldest daughter as I am with my youngest. Keep the lines of communication open no matter what. Trust your child but keep up on what shes doing. Educate her on the whole subject (She wont want to hear it.. but OH WELL...) ... Let her know about STDs and how one can get them... remind her of her self worth and integrity as a human being and remind her that its worth the WAIT rather than rushing in head first! I feel fortunate in that when my daughter had my granddaughter at such an early age, she was and IS an awesome mother. Thats not always the case with teen moms and I am very proud of my daughters accomplishments.

Kim - posted on 10/18/2009

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Every parent has their own way of raising their kids...right or wrong? Who's to say. However, in my personal opinion, the word "date" should not be in a 14yr olds vocabulary. Yes, let them have FRIENDS, go to the movies, skating, out to eat, whatever. And a responsible adult still needs to be in their presence. At 14, these kids needs to be having fun, enjoying their precious youth, and in their books of course! Not worrying about whether or not this boy/girl likes me or will he/she ask me out. I really think alot of parents has gotten away from being a "sensible parent", to being "your childs friend". So the question rises: Who and Where is the adult in these homes?

[deleted account]

AFTER THE CLOSET DOOR IS OPENED BACK UP AT 16....I THINK 14 IS OKAY FOR A DATE AS LONG AS IT'S WITH OTHER FRIENDS....MOM OR DAD PICKS THEM UP, DROPS THEM OFF...AND TIME IS IMPORTANT...YOU MUST LET THE ROPE GO FAR ENOUGH TO SEE IF SHE CAN BE TRUSTED....MY OWN WORKED THAT WAY....

Kim - posted on 10/17/2009

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You don't! NO! She is too young. Tell her that she can have as many friends as she want, but to be in a relationship with a boy now at this age...NO!!! Mom, she needs tobe focused on her education. She'll have plenty of time to date. We as parents really should not be encouraging our young children to go down this road at these early ages. We are opening doors for trouble. I don't care how good we say our children are, but peer pressure ain't nothing to play around with. Parents, please push education, not boys!

Trish - posted on 10/17/2009

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My daughter is 14. She had her first bf this year. I guess with lots of supervision, it's OK. It does wonders for her self-esteem. Only issue -the dreaded break-up. She took that very hard. But I guess she learned from it too.....

Cassandra - posted on 10/17/2009

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I agree with asking her what having a boyfriend means to her. I feel that as parents it is important that we teach our children how to navigate thru these early relationships while they are young. If she wants to have a boy that is a friend, then make up a list of what is exceptable behavior and what is not. ie.. hand holding, kissing, sex etc. Be specific! Also I never allowed my children to date one on one until after they were 16. Even then I encouraged them to be here with us instead of being alone. Also I had a date with the person that wanted to date my child before they went out with them, I got to know them myself 1st. Then if I approved then they might be allowed to take my child on a date. (I have one son and one daughter, and I did this with both of my kids) On this date I told to proceptive date what my expectations were for my child. And if they weren't ok with this then they were usually never heard from again. It got rid of alot of the rifraf. Which didn't always make my child happy at the time but later they understood that it had been a good thing. My theory is you wouldn't let a stranger just walk up and borrow your car so why would I let a stranger come and take my child out. I love my child way more then my car. And when I put it this way all partys involved got my point. There are lots of really great books written by christians about dating. I hope this helps.

PS My kids are now 21 and 18.

Annette - posted on 10/17/2009

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ask her what having a boyfriend means they may just be friends that hang out in school . My daughter is 14 and has a new boyfriend about every two weeks dont worry just talk to her find out where her head is at you might be surprised by her answers.

Laura - posted on 10/17/2009

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Like I said I was in the minority. However I also have a 27yr old daughter,a17yr old son and my 16yr old daughter, who is a very good student, starting point guard since she was a freshmen and very well liked. What she has learned is that she can succeed and depend on herself. My daughter and I are very close and as far as her friends they also talk to me about thier problems and most are about boys. I have been married 20yrs. and we have a great marriage. What we tell all our kids is the way to have a great relationship is to simply love and want, not love and need. which just means know you can always depend on yourself but sharing it with someone makes so much sweeter. I also know that when you have a boyfriend they are an influence to very important decission simply because the girls don't want to hurt them are make them mad. I just put my kids in Gods hands and trust that they always come to me and it isn't always easy but we get through it.

[deleted account]

If the boy is 16 then I would say "no way." Or if I feel like my daughter lacks maturity and isn't very responsible, then again I would say "no way." But I think you need to go with your gut. Most relationships at that age are innocent and all they do is hang out with friends. They are never alone. I like what Deborah said about boundaries. Make sure you set some ground rules and don't send her on her first date without having the big sex talk. Good luck.

Deborah - posted on 10/16/2009

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My 14 year-old has a boyfriend and has had one since she has been 11. You just have to set boundaries and stick to them. She isn't allowed to go to his house, but they go to the mall together and with other friends. You can't stop it, you have to learn to embrace it. It is bound to happen sooner or later and when it does you want to have the kind of relationship with her that she knows and feels comfortable to come to you with any questions she has. This will also help your relationship with her. I have the best relationship with my daughter. I also have a 22 year old daughter. So I know what I am talking about. This is a very impressionable age and you really need to embrace her and know her friends and have them over to the house whether they are girls or boys.

Laura - posted on 10/16/2009

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I have a 16yr old girl and still think she is to young to have a boyfriend. Mostly because relationships are complicated and school is so important. However I seem to be in the minority because I encourage her to talk to alot of different boys be friends and when she is ready she will know what she is looking for in a boyfriend. She told me not to long ago that she was glad I didn't let her have a boyfriend when she asked cause of all the drama lol.

Laura - posted on 10/16/2009

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I remember myself at that age and all a "boyfriend" meant was who I hung with the most during school or sat with on the school bus. Heck, by daughter is six but she will tell you she had a boyfriend during the summer at daycare.

This is definitely something different to each family and child. I would also ask her what a boyfriend means to her. It may be innocent like it was for me or it may be actually going on dates. I was not allowed to single date until I could drive myself to the place, only group dates were allowed and my parent drove me.

Wanita (Wendy) - posted on 10/15/2009

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Only you as a parent can make that decission. You have ground rules that you've raised them with. Some parents feel it fine for young teens to have boy friends, other's not so much. Don't be confussed, just because they aren't allowed to have a "boyfriend" doesn't mean that they don't already have one! Talk with her, get her views and reasons, you can't make a decission with out all the information.

Larwoman - posted on 10/15/2009

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When they celebrate their 21st birthday! ; ) Start asking questions. What does "having a boyfriend" mean to your daughter? What does "having a boyfriend" mean to you, Mom? Does your daughter know what that means to you? Do YOU feel she is ready? (you have to take the Mom glasses off for that one)

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