Homesickness for college freshman

Bobbie - posted on 09/05/2012

Good for you! I read your update. So glad you allowed her to work through her emotions and her knee jerk reaction that it wasn't going to be a good fit. Many of us would have tried to render aid under that pressure, which would not have had such good results to their self esteem.

I heard John Tesh talking on the radio saying that many parents are helicopter parenting, hovering over their college age child, even going to the dorms and helping them move in then attending orientation and/or first classes. It is a time of adjustment for them but a needed one to find their own footing.

Debbie - posted on 09/05/2012

mine too. she feels sick all the time,isn't eatting and calls crying all the time. It's only been 3 days and she wants out. she is very shy but went to campus ministry but of course it didnt solve her problem. roommate hangs with girls that dont like my daughter.

Sonia - posted on 09/04/2010

HI MEGAN MY DAUGHTER IS ALSO A FRESHMAN IN COLLEGE, WHICH SHE IS IN A DIFFERENT STATE ALSO. TO KEEP HER FEELING COMFORTABLE WE BOUGHT A WEB CAM FOR OUR COMPUTER AND SHE HAS A LAPTOP WITH A WEB CAM, SO WE TALK AND SEE HER AS MUCH AS WE WANT THRU OOVOO.COM A WEB CAM SITE WHICH IS FREE FOR LIKE 30 DAYS THAN ITS LIKE $10 A MONTH, BUT IT WILL BE LIKE SHE NEVER LEFT HOME AND SHE MAY FEEL A LOT MORE COMFORTABLE.. I KNOW WITH SPENDING MONEY FOR COLLEGE A LOT OF THINGS IS NOT AFFORDABLE RIGHT NOW BUT THATS HOW I KEEP MY COLLEGE FRESHMAN FEELIN AT HOME..

Megan - posted on 09/04/2010

Thank you all :) Update: Becca has settled in ! I took a lot of what was posted and we had a good talk. She is staying where she is and was talking being there for the 4 years. I am so happy she has finally, finally relaxed and opened herself up to new friends.

Grace - posted on 09/04/2010

Both my children left for college in Holland. It is not easy on me having an empty nest and they are having also there challenges. But I have realized that I calm down I can support them better. And it is like gving birth, we have to go thru labor, we have to go thru this with our children in order to support them. Maybe it will be good for you to visit her for the weekend and do fun things with her. Light to all of this. It can be very tough for us as parents espcially Mom.

Lori - posted on 09/03/2010

My daughter started a college away from home too a few weeks ago and hate being on her own. I feel it is because she is having to take charge of things that we have done for her. She is not happy because she is having problems getting help with the classes she needs. I told her I feel that things will get better after the classes are right. I told her to try to make friends because there are a lot of people there that are looking to make friends too. I'm giving it time right now and knows that it is hard watching them go though this. Hopefully it will get better.

Ginger - posted on 09/03/2010

Talk to the school, maybe they can help her meet some new friends. My youngest daughter just moved out of state 2 days ago to go to university of Minnesota. I would encourage her to stay and keep and open mind. My daughter was anxious about meeting new roommates. So far so good, she was met two of the tree and likes them very much.

Cheryl - posted on 09/03/2010

Is she acitve in a group or living in the dorm. Encourage her to get involved so she does not think about how alone she is do not buy into the tears. Tell her to get an on campus job and socialize with other people.

Marla - posted on 09/01/2010

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Ermeess - posted on 09/01/2010

Please, let her come home. Don't wait until she gets totally depressed. Not all kids are ready for college and being away. Maybe a year in a community college commuting from home when she is ready is a better choice.

Ann - posted on 08/31/2010

Call the college and see if they have a counselor available for her to talk to. Suggest that she try to find an activity that she likes and join a club for it so she can meet others that enjoy the same things that she does. Ask her why she wanted to go to that school in the first place so she can remember why she chose that school. Be supportive, ask her to name one thing she likes when she calls and then ask her how she could do that within the next few days. Remind her that there are a lot of other new students and that she might reach out to someone who looks sad and try to help them. I will keep you both in my prayers.

Margaret - posted on 08/30/2010

Megan, my daughter is just starting her senior year away at college. I was concerned the first year because, although she has many friends, she didn't make an effort to make new friends. I don't know if your daughter is in a dorm and has a roommate or by herself, but having a roommate really helped my daughter her first year. They hit it off and together were supportive of each other. On the other hand the wrong roommate can really ruin the year. If your daughter was a "go out and take charge" kind of person, I'd be concerned there is something deeper than just being homesick. Talking, sending care packages, and positive feedback regarding classes is what I did. Otherwise you might need to have a much deeper one on one talk. If she doesn't have a roommate, I suggest she get one.

Donna - posted on 08/30/2010

I feel really bad for your daughter. I got married 2 days after I turned 18 and we cut out honeymoon short because I was homesick. I would see if she could stick it out for a month and see how she feels then. It could just be the new place etc and things will get better. If it doesn't get better she might have to come home and go to school closer.

Sara - posted on 08/28/2010

Tell your daughter to join a club of her interest in college together with other freshmans. She will see how wonderful it would be as someone will come to make friends with her. Wishing your daughter the best.

Karin - posted on 08/28/2010

I would suggest finding an EFT "Emotional Freedom Techniques" practitioner. This energy technique uses tapping on acupuncture points and is very effective quickly. Good luck.

Judy - posted on 08/27/2010

I know what it was like when my daughter went off to college. Although it was still in the same province it was till out of town and we couldn't see each other very often. My son and I would make her acre pkgs and send them to her. They were filled with things that she could use at school and some treats and fun things. We are both on Facebook so we made a promise to contact each other at least once a week to update each other on things. Its not easy being away from home in a strange place. Its hard. I've been there myself. Give her all the love and support you can. In the end she'll have grown as a fine young woman and developed independance.

Joy - posted on 08/26/2010

If her health is in jeopardy then by all means let her come home! Her health is more important!

Megan - posted on 08/26/2010

That is plan B Robin. If she is determined to withdraw I am making it her entire responsibility to do so. She will have to sell the books we just bought, get all the financing taken care of etc.. Hoping it doesn't come to that but I guess it will be a learning experience for her if she does.

Megan - posted on 08/26/2010

Thanks Susan :) We are trying to encourage her and she is getting out more. I have insisted that she go back next week. I am hopeful that after she really gets into her classes she will be okay. This is just so unusual behavior from her. She is a "take on the world" type and she chose the university from many she applied to and was accepted to. Funny child.

Susan - posted on 08/25/2010

I'm right with you. We dropped my daughter off at college on Saturday. Eating and sleeping are still not normal, but she is doing better today as classes started. Now she is calling about how nervous she is about classes rather than being homesick. Your daughter needs to force herself outside, maybe go to the campus gym and work out and find people that have similar interests. It is so difficult for us Moms who aren't there to protect our babies, but she will need to figure it out herself. It's too soon for you to go and rescue her. Good Luck

Robin - posted on 08/25/2010

SHE HASNT REALLY BEEN GONE LONG ENOUGH TO GIVE IT A FAIR CHANCE, BUT ON THE OTHER HAND IT MAY B A GOOD IDEA IF YOU BRING HER HOME FOR THE SAKE OF HER HEALTH AND ENROL HER IN A SCHOOL THATS CLOSER TO HOME. GIVE HER A WHILE A YEAR OR 2 THEN C IF SHE IS READY TO VENTURE OUT.

Louise - posted on 08/24/2010

I think it is time for tough love, cruel to be kind. Stop picking up the phone to her and then may be she will be inclined to look around her and join some clubs and meet people rather than be on the phone to you all the time. These phone calls are just making her worse so when she phones next just tell her that you are going away for a few days so don't ring for a couple of days. Hopefully if you can wean her off you she will take a deep breath and get on with it. it is hard and I do understand but she has pushed the self destruct button and is on a spiral into depression and if you sympathise with her you are just excellerating the process. Things will get better with time but she needs to cut those apron strings and fast. If your really worrid about her call the college and speak to the student welfare officer who will send someone around to speak to her and make sure she is alright. If she is at a good college they will give her a student buddy to help her through the first few weeks until she has found her feet. Nobody likes living in the unknown and it does take time to adjust but she will have to want to adapt. Try the tough love approach and see if you see a change in her.

Megan - posted on 08/24/2010

I have thought about paying the way for one of her buddies from here to go there this weekend instead of her coming home. We have told her to just go hang out at the student union, drink some coffee, read a book etc.. but be out with people. Join a club ! So far I just get tears.

Aliska - posted on 08/23/2010

I remember when I went to uni (my own kids aren't quite there yet) there were lots of orientation activities which were a good way of meeting people. If it's the start of the academic year she's probably got a lot of time on her hands as she hasn't yet made friends and the academic work/homework/assignments etc haven't started. At the moment all she's got to focus on is feeling sad, she needs some activities to fill some of her time, give her something else to focus on and to distract her from her homesickness. What about some visits from her family that are close by, she doesn't have to talk to them about this. Maybe you could have a quiet word to the most suitable family members, ask them to invite her somewhere, ask her over to their house cause they need her help with something etc Just to give her something else to think about apart from her own loneliness.



Encourage her to maintain contact with her old friends, if they are starting college too she might find, if she looks hard enough that they might be struggling too. Just because someone posts a glib status on Facebook doesn't mean that they are happy! She may not feel quite so bad if she knows it not easy for others, even though what they are struggling with may be different from her.



Hopefully she pals up with someone from a tutorial or a prac class soon!!!

Megan - posted on 08/23/2010

You are right Aliska that she has no friends at college. I so appreciate your response and will try your suggestions. I honestly think she will do great if she quits feeling so alone. She has talked to a councilor and we will talk about it this weekend when she comes home. She has always had a problem with being away from home. Every school year we went through a mild form of the same thing. She just got to come home at night. She has grandparents and aunts etc.. fairly close to school but says she is to ashamed to talk to them. sigh....

Aliska - posted on 08/23/2010

This is a tough one. I loved moving away from home and living on campus so I don't relate to homesickness. Has she been like this previously with things like sleep-overs, school camps etc or is this the first time she's been homesick? What were the reasons for choosing this college? She might need reminding of these.

I would stay calm when you talk to her and not buy into the homesickness so she is getting the message that it is no big deal that she is away from home and that you expect her to look after herself just fine. If she hears panic in your responses then she feels justified being this upset.

Maybe call her rather than wait for her to call. Maybe she calls when she is the most upset and therefor the most irrational as we all are when we are upset. If you call at another time of day, maybe before she's worked herself up then you will be reassured that she's not upset all the time and that you can have a more rational discussion.

You know her, her strengths and weaknesses and why she chose this college. I would tell her that you won't even discuss her leaving until she's completed a semester. Work on a list of tasks that you want her to complete during this semester so that the information derived can be used to help make the decison about whether she keeps going there or not. Tasks could be things like:
*Finding out about social clubs on campus and picking one to join.
*Drawing up a study timetable.
*Finding things out about the local area and visiting a certain amount of places in her new area.
*Investigating the possibility of part-time work in her new area.
*Doing some volunteer work in her new area, nothing like seeing someone worse off than you to make you feel better about your life.
*Plan for a family member to visit on a weekend with the expectation that she show them around

I'm assuming none of her friends went to this college and she knows no-one in the area. This is a tough one as she's not a baby anymore and has to be responsible for herself. I'm hoping that once she makes some friends it will all change and then it will be you begging her to come home for a visit if she can squeeze you into her busy social life!!!