HOW CAN I STOP MY GIRLS FIGHTING AND *BITCHING* ALL THE TIME?

Rae - posted on 08/26/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )

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11

Hi I am nearly at my wits end. I have 3 girls still living at home (my eldest boy has left home and has 2 kids of his own), and they all have very distinct and different specific needs.

My eldest is 17 and, unfortunately, very immature for her age. She seems to be jealous of her 2 younger sisters. She seems to be quite *mardy*, crying at the slightest word of correction or arguement. We were all discussing First Aid scenarios last night and because she disagreed with something my husband said she started crying even before we had a chance to talk it through and talk about their different ideas and the pros and cons of each; saying we always said she was wrong and never let her be right ... in actual fact it was something that had no *right or wrong* and was a personal opinion point.

My middle daughter is 15 and very very bright and intelligent (she has done the mensa test and come out with a score of something like 190 which puts her in top 1% of the country), unfortunately because she is so bright she gets bored very easily and often *lords it* over her sisters a bit and tries to take control of every situation. She often tries to act like an adult in correcting and advising her sisters. She has a very *rapid* temper and can at times get very aggressive - though she has never hit her sisters.

My youngest daughter is 11 and has Generalised Global Developmental Delay (which basically means she is way behind her peers in most areas - socially and behaviourally as well as academically). She also has various other minor health problems which means she sometimes needs physical help with her *Activities of Daily Living*. She is due to start secondary school in September and will be going to a special needs school. She can be very annoying sometimes as it can be easy to forget that she is basically a 5 year old in an 11year olds body; this is because physically she looks *normal* and at times *behaves like an 11 year old).

They all argue as to who is best at looking after me if I have one of my epileptic seizures (these are completely uncontrolled and happen on average 4 or 5 times a week), and they have actually been known to fight about who should treat me and who should go and find their dad etc, apparently they've even fought over what they should do for me during a fit!!!

They don't seem to *be happy* unless they have managed to get one of the others into trouble. I know this can be considered *normal* for teenagers, but surely not literally 24/7.

If anyone has any ideas please help as I really am at my wits end and the stress of their fighting actually causes me to have more seizures - which merely gives them more things to argue over.

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3 Comments

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Karin - posted on 08/28/2010

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7

Have you read "How to talk so Teens will listen & listen so teens will talk" from Faber & Mazlish? If not I warmly recommend you do. Secondly I know for sure that you could help your epilepsia greatly by altering your diet and that would change your life!
Good luck!

Leslie - posted on 08/27/2010

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Sounds to me like they are all crying out for attention and the oldest is holding a lot of anger. Does Dad or you ever spend one on one time with each? Do you allow the girls to say that which needs to be said? Maybe the answer is to change the dynamic in the house. I would suggest finding a good hypnotherapist for yourself and husband and work from there. Good luck!!

Louise - posted on 08/27/2010

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It sounds to me that they are all vying for your attention. My teenage sons fought all the time to get my attention constant back biting and phyical fights but when i was out the house they got along nicely. I started taking them out one at a time so they had 100% of my attention. This could be a drink and chat at starbucks or seeing a film together. It was our time no interuptions. I also got them involved more at home one would help me with dinner and one would wash up or hoover. All things that needed to be done. We were just getting a house of harmony when I decided to have another baby and I had a little girl which calmed them both down. I know this is maybe a drastic action to restore harmony in your house so try making a rota for who does what in your house. You say you fit regularly so give each girl a specific job so there is no fighting who is doing what. Give your eldest more responsiblity in the house to try and mature her a little. Go to the library regularly with your middle child who will crave information to keep her mind active, as for your youngest child look for a help group or if you can afford it look for a personal tutor. Try and have a games night once a week even if all you play is snakes and ladders make it a fun evening with nibbles and pop and lots of laughter. Your children will eventually all mature but they are all in the midst of puberty at the moment so there hormones will be all over the place. Give things time and if they insist in fighting tell them you want them to go out for a walk for 10 minutes and when they can be civil they can come back in. Make sure they do go out though as they will get fed up with walking around the block.