How do i help my older son who has a drug addiction?

Natasha - posted 40 minutes ago

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Megin - posted 5 days ago

Hi,
I feel your pain, I have and remain in this type of situation. My son is 33 and has so much potential yet is involved with drugs. Nice to talk to someone about this. Have you gone to Ala-non? I have found that it helps. But it is us, the mothers that have to hold steady with our strength.

Loriphillipson - posted on 05/16/2013

my son has a drug promble he is 20 years of age in jail for the second time Im beside myself as dont know what to do he needs help he has said he will get it this time but i have heard this before,i try to do tough love my ex husband (his dad) has said that what he needs but I do find it hard I feel im at fault & enable him how do I stop this from happening I dont want to loose my son.

Maggie - posted on 05/15/2013

hi im maggie, ive had alot of stress from my son Matthew who is 20years old, in and out of prison, also got eplepsy, which makes me protect him, love him so much,its been 5years now, very wary of it all, so yes i get your worry, but i also know im carring him and really i have to let go, of him. to get my son backx all the best have faith, im an exdrugaddict, ive been clean for 12 years now, i had to hit the bottem to pull my self back, and i did it,when i watch my son, i relize the pain i gave to the one that loved me,

Connie - posted on 05/13/2013

You will always worry. I have learned that I can provide information as a resource. It is therapeutic to me to do the research to find out what services and supports are available. I give my son the information only. It is up to him to act on it. Sometimes he does, sometimes he does not. I have some peace knowing that he has information. It doesn't solve his problems, it just gives him tools. Enabling is a fine line to walk and very confusing sometimes. It is our instinct to try to help our children, but getting into the mindset that when we give them money, food, etc, we are hurting them, not helping them, is when we can see more clearly.

Vicky - posted on 05/09/2013

im in the same boat sweethart god bless ya its so hard ive done every thing but he says he aint had none and swears black is white how do i help him he says the same thing all the time im not doing it no more and off course he does he is back living with us after he broke up wih hes partner has 2 boys 13 and 14 they come down every outher weekend i love them all so much but it is very hard to help some one who wont help themselves hes money always goes on cocain help hes lived with us for 10 years and just not interested in nothing but the drugs x v and help x v

Judy - posted on 05/09/2013

I'm struggling with my sons cocaine addiction and reading everyones posts has helped me feel not so alone. It is so heartbreaking to see someone who had such potential and so many opportunities in life slowly fade away into a drug induced haze of lies and deceipt. I have never felt so helpless and overwhelmed by sadness, regret and even guilt. He has no money to pay his mortgage etc. and without financial assistance from us his payments will start to bounce. He is employed at our family business but is constantly late or unable to work due to his drug use to the point where we can't risk even sending him out to work with heavy equipment and potentially put others at risk. We have in the past paid his salary even though he doesn't work just to protect his credit rating; we know this is only enabling him and causing our business to suffer financially as well. We can't afford the high priced rehabs and he refuses to go to one anyway claiming they do more harm than good. I've read so much information but like everyone else I'm afraid of what might happen if I turn my back on him and let him suffer the consequences - just don't know what to do at this point

Jessica - posted on 05/01/2013

Firstly I feel so sorry for all of you and I really do hope that your situations improve andif anyone needs to talk I can always lend a sympathetic ear. I looked at this forum for help with a research paper I am writing on substance abuse and how treatment is more effective than incarceration. I want to thank you very much for how informative this forum has been in giving my an understanding of what enablement entails. I wish you all the best luck.

Tracy - posted on 04/26/2013

I 'am very thankful I found this site. Many many stories on this post, are so very closely related to my situation. I have a son who is 21, who has an addiction and has had for five years. Living with him brings on so much toxic stress, I too have asked him to leave our home. The last five years has been hell on me and my daughter. His lying, manipulation, failing out of university, lack of motivation, drive, concentration, gone for days at a time, money problems... has taken its tole on me. I will find it helpful to converse with others going through the same thing, thank you:)

Eva - posted on 04/25/2013

Michelle, as yourself , we want to make it easier for them & we actually are part of the problem by helping too much. I went to a 3 day seminar & found out I have been enabling my sons & fueling their problems by not allowing them to suffer their consequences. It is very hard to say NO when they have always heard, don't worry I will help... The message they heard in their head was, I don't believe in you therefore I will do it for you ... So, WE have to stop the insanity too. He is fine & will learn to value what he is working hard for & will have PRIDE in himself. . GIVE THAT TO HIM (not yelling at you, just making a point I missed all along myself).

Michelle Elaine - posted on 04/24/2013

I could use some advice. My son is 20 and began using heroin 1 year ago. He has stolen money from us and things from the store to sell for money. He went to Hazelden for 28 days, when to their halfway house and relapsed and got kicked out. Went back to Hazelden for 28 days and then to another halfway house while going to outpatient treatment...but used and got kicked out. Went to Teen Challenge and was there 6 weeks before using and getting kicked out. He spent 7 days walking the streets and sleeping in the homeless shelter at night. He is now in a different state living near my mom and dad and my sister and brother in law. He is in a halfway house and has a job. Has been there 3 weeks. I am a classic enabler, and my husband goes to the opposite extreme. My son now wants his car to take to and from work, to and from AA meetings, and to and from church. I would like to have him keep his job and stay sober for a couple months and then get the car to take the burden off my mom and sister. My husband says no way he will agree to give him the car. The bus system is poor and the town he lives in is really spread out. I don't want to enable, but he needs transportation. Is giving him the car enabling if he is working and paying his own rent and food?

Eva - posted on 04/18/2013

Debbie- I can totally feel your desperation cause I have been there & I think most of us here have too. I think we have all learned that we cannot fix them or convince them to stop. We are the ones that have to stop helping them continue the cycle & that is gut wrenching agony because you have to let them need to stop the drugs & yes it's scary. My son knows I won't let him move in (he is 26), I won't give him $ and I can't pay for him to have a roof over his head, He did go to rehab, was doing great but he relapsed, thankfully he is back in again. There are some free through social services or Salvation Army thankfully because its not cheap without insurance. I learned that his threats are manipulation to get what he wants & the only way I will be there for him is if he is clean & sober working on himself. I also learned that I need to just accept that he will mess up & I can't make him feel bad. It's a tough road especially when they don't want to change but if you enable him now, he won't see the need to change, good luck & don't give up hope.

Debbie - posted on 04/17/2013

I am at my lowest point with my son Matt. He can not live with me any longer because of his drug problem. I don't know where he can go. He will not go for help. He has to leave. Where can he go or should I even worry about it? Please offer some advise? Thank you, Debbie

Debbie - posted on 04/17/2013

I am at my lowest point with my son Matt. He can not live with me any longer because of his drug problem. I don't know where he can go. He will not go for help. He has to leave. Where can he go or should I even worry about it? Please offer some advise? Thank you, Debbie

Eva - posted on 04/17/2013

My son (26) is back in rehab (was in rehab for 3 mos, 1 month sober living & relapsed). He was out using for a couple of months & I stayed out of rescuing him .. Hardest thing cause he threatened to OD & honestly you don't know if its manipulation or real. It is 3 weeks now & he is doing good, this program offers 3 day seminar for the family & I will be there to learn what to do & most importantly what to stop doing to help. As all the posts here, I have been devastated to elated & every emotion in between & thankfully for today, I have hope : )

Cynthia - posted on 04/16/2013

Arlene:

I am so sorry to hear about your son's addiction. Unfortunately, his addiction is "his". What I mean by that is he has a problem which is a disease.

Like all diseases, addictions need treatment. As parents, we feel we are the cause of everything that goes bad in our children's life. They sometimes try to make us feel that way.

The disease your son has cannot be treated unless he is willing to get diagnosed and given a treatment plan. A parent always wants to think they can fix problems like this. I know I did.

My daughter had a life threatening addiction which controlled her. I always tried to fill in the gaps by bailing her out of the problems created by her addiction. For some reason, that only made matters worse.

Once I let go of her problem, and told her I could no longer be part of her life while active in her addiction, our lives changed. Yes, I gave her an ultimatum-- rehab or the military. She chose the military.

I am now a grandmother. You will learn through time however, that the addiction is merely symptoms of deeper rooted issues or resentments. Through the help of counsellors and others who are in active recovery of their addictions your son can gain strength to change his behaviors. He will not change any other way.

You can go to Ala-Non. It is the AA and NA for parents and loved ones of addicts. Let go of the guilt and work on you-- and help your son find the trained help he needs to work on him.

Janis M - posted on 04/10/2013

Martin, i agree with linda. I spent way too much time wondering what was going on instead of getting to the bottom of it. The sooner know if they are doing what you fear the sooner u will realize you must try to get them help. All of this takes courage. Confronting your kid that acts like u are nuts for thinking they are doing drugs takes courage. They will twist things around and make u believe them. If you think something is going on it probably is. Don't be afraid to drog test him. That takes courage to. There is hope....

Linda - posted on 04/10/2013

Martin, I read your post. My son started doing that when he was in high school. I was at a loss of what to do. You need to get him help NOW. I have been through everything since that time because I didn't understand what exactly was happening. He is 25 now. Finally has his life free of drugs. However, that is after counseling, two rehabs, and several run ins with the law. Please don't wait. Demand it now. If you have money get him in an in house rehab for at least 4 months. If you don't then look for state aid counseling. Good luck.

Dawn - posted on 04/08/2013

Rona is so RIGHT!! I have spent the last 2-months trying to "help" my 30 year old son he has overdosed twice, and finally I ws able along with 6 other family members to do an intervention and got him to a hospital, mind you his drug of choice was not onloy herion, but coke, suboxin and pain pills. I found a wonderful rehab in Winchester VA, however, he was kicked out the first 24 hours. I finally let go and told him his family was there for him and loved him, but he was on his own! I am happy to say, at least today anyway, he has been clean for 32 days, he is due to get out on the 10th and I am a nervous wreck, he gave me a look this past Satuday and a wonderful hug and told his father and I he is staying for another 30 days in a home owned by the same rehab center. I have been attending alanon meetings, it has helped, to hear others, but is hard as hell to let go let god!! I started One minute at a time today I am at one day at a time. Who knows where I will be tomarrow. Let GO Let God!

Martin - posted on 04/07/2013

my son is 18 years . he is starting to spin the nights with friends that I don't even know he has miss school days I try calling him with his friends cell phone but no luck. I feel that I am losing my son

Dawn - posted on 04/03/2013

Help! I have a 29 year old, who was commited for trying to kill himself, then come to find out he has been doing suboxin, for years, painkillers, cocain and from my understanding heroin for the last 6 months, most recently shooting it along with coke. He is currently in a rehab facility in VA about 3 hours from us. He is scheduled to get out on the 10th of April. I am scared to death, not knowing what will happen next. He wants to come home, to his old apartment, which was within his younger brothers house who is a single father of two. I understand his younger brother does not want him to return and fully agree, however hear my son cry and tell me he promises, that we made promises, and know we are going back on those deals. Understand, my sons biological father was killed when they were 2 and 3, (he was very abusive to me and they witnessed it) So Charlie (my addict) and I have or so I thought had this unconditional special realtionship, to where I imagined, his girlfriend/wife coming to me one day thanking me for a loving caring, sensitive man. His girlfriend of 5 years left him in Dec 2012, I am confused as to what to do. I'm supposed to let go, tough love, How?? I so want to hold him and make things better! I feel somewhat a failure, especially when he calls and says all the right things, at least in my mind he does. Any help?

Pepper - posted on 03/31/2013

First you have to set boundaries and understand the drug problem he chose has nothing to do with you being a good parent. One day you will close the door and by doing this you will be helping him clean up. You are not a bad parent because you choose to stop the insanity.

Carol - posted on 03/21/2013

Janis - my son (23) has been addicted to Suboxone for the past 2+ years. My husband and I have offered help, yelled, screamed, threatened to put him out, to no avail. He continues to use, lie to us constantly, and steal from us. Today for the first time I told him he had to leave. I was a single mom for 13 years before I met this wonderful man in my life today. My husband has always been a father figure in his life, and now the stress on my husband (along with his own kids who are 23 & 26, and his job) has gotten to him. That's when I took control and told him he has to look for his own place.
I explained to my son that after he is married and moved out, my husband is all I have and I don't want to lose him to a heart attack from stress. He seemed to understand, and says he is offered a place from a friend of his. I just pray he sees the light at some point before he accidentally kills himself.

Janis M - posted on 03/13/2013

Hi, this is my first time visiting this blog. I know this is an epidemic but in my daily life I feel like I am alone with this. My son got addicted to painkillers about 2 years ago. This has been an unbelievable journey. I still can't believe this is happening. I can relate to everything everyone is saying. We are struggling with what to do next. He's been to a rehab and an outpatient treatment center. He can't keep a job, has no money, no girlfriend, no relationship with my other 2 children. Most of his friends are growing up getting married and moving on. We simply don't know what to do. Maybe the answer is to do nothing. It is very hard to detach but I know that's what we need to do for our own sanity. I don't want to be an enabler but sometimes I do something so quickly I dont realize until afterward that I shouldn't have done it.

Elizabeth - posted on 03/12/2013

We have been told he will get 14 hrs of class, 3 yr probation and a fine. It's sad how the courts work here, they just care about getting money out of these kids instead of helping them. I know a few kids that are in and out of jail for drugs and courts just issue a few hrs of class and let them back on the streets. The cops here have a couple kids working for them and want my son to join but its not good. They supply them with drugs and money to bust other drug users (thats how my son got caught) I had a friend who did that and ended up dead from drugs at the age of 27 and this other kid is going to be right there with her or get killed cuz he has been turning on his own friends. we have tried to talk to out atty but cuz he is over 18, they can not take any advise from us.

Eva - posted on 03/11/2013

Here I sit again wondering what will happen, my son (26) got kicked out of my sister/ moms house because he started using again, was in ehrab for 4 months & 1 month in sober living ...then put off doing anything for almost 2 months . He tried to get my sister to buy him a car as she said she would but only had he stayed in the program etc.... anyhow, he tried to overdose as she watched & ran off...cops found him & htook him to the hospital & s brother took hm in...I guess he told them he wasn't trying to die just shoot up ...so after two weeks he won't leave & is threatening them or just refuses to call anywhere for help...it is so scary & frustrating at he sane time

Linda - posted on 03/11/2013

You can make a written request or your attorney can for him to attend a rehab. I would recommend an in house. At least 3 to 4 months, then a half-way house for 4 month. All of those will do random drug testing. He doesn't really have to know.
Jobs are difficult. My son has worked on the grounds of a golf course, call center, and car wash. Small owned companies are the best. Housing is another issue you will run into. He just can't give up. Drug Court requires they work or go to school full time. One step at a time is what my motto has been and that is what I have told my son when he becomes overwhelmed.

Elizabeth - posted on 03/11/2013

Linda, thank you for your advise. We have decided to "keep" him at home (part of agreement of bailing him out of jail) until after his court hearings. I know the court will issue classes but hoping rehab will also be requested by the courts. The last couple of days been good with him. He even went and helped his grandfather which has not done since last aug. Not sure where you live but him looking for a job has been hard.

Linda - posted on 03/09/2013

Elizabeth, you need to tell him either he checks himself into a rehab or he leaves. It has to be his decision. My son finally hit rock bottom 1 year and 3 months ago. He was in trouble with the law and he was going to prison for 10-12 years. His attorney said it is rehab or prison. I guess you could say my son had hit rock bottom. He had already spent 6 months in a county jail and 4 months in a private, nice, very expensive rehab that his father and I payed for. Then he had spent 4 months in a half-way house. This time I told him we wouldn't pay. He didn't want to go to prison. He checked himself into the Salvation Army Rehab. He changed while attending that program. He saw old men in there that had never made anything of themselves. They encouraged him to do it when he was young. He did it himself and finished the rigid program in 6 months. He is now in college, attending a County Drug Court that still does random drug testing. His curfew is 9:00 p.m every night. He works 20 hours a week. He has been drug free for 1 year and 3 months. I am so proud of hims and best of all he is proud of himself. As he has told me he was finally sick of being sick. Please don't enable him. I will pray for him and your family.

Elizabeth - posted on 03/09/2013

I'm right there with you with my 20 yr old son. This is the 2nd time us (his parents) and grandmother has bailled him out of jail. We mad rules this time, he had to live at home, do work around the yard and no going out late at night. He has snuck out and throws a fit about he work and keeps tellng us, he does not want our help most days but other days we wake him up, he does work, leaves and back home by dinner or 10:30 (curfew). he refuses o go to rehab and tells us he has been off drugs since his last arrest but cant beleive a word he says. He has made us tressed to a point we told him we will need to let him go. I do like him living back home cuz this way I know he eats, sleeps in bed and showers with clean clothes. When he lived whereever he wanted to, I know he went a couple days with out eating until we either took him food or had him over to eat and shower. About 6 months ago, my son stold atleast $5,000 worth of tools from us, game systems and almost anything with value. We did not turn him in cuz that will fallow him rest of his life but he does not seam to care.

Cindy - posted on 03/06/2013

Hello
This is what helped us my son 24 we did rapid detox it wasnt paid by insurance then he did 12 months in a locked faculty out of state he had to break all ties he did another year in sober living been sober now 30 months there is hope keep fighting. BE STRONG TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF

Judy - posted on 03/01/2013

Lindy, by far, your post helped me the most. It is hell and I am an enabler~!!! With God's help, I will stop and allow Him to work through my adult son.

Anderson121 - posted on 02/07/2013

I was down to the lowest point in my life. I thought my heart would never heal. I found you late one night and thought what have I got to lose? I ordered the Return My Lover Spell and within a 3 days she was back in my life thanks to you Dr. Lee of the Ancientfathersandmothers@gmail.com

Linda - posted on 02/02/2013

Tell him the Salvation Army offers assistance with medical problems. My son was smoking and he got Chantix and the flu shot for free, as well as clothes while he was living there. I know each facility is different, but the SAR where my son went had some wonderful people there that really encouraged him and wanted him to succeed. They even wrote wonderful reports to send to the court, so he could go through Drug Court when he completed his 6 months there he would hopefully not be put in prison. He is now in a 12 month Drug court with drug testing, counseling and he has to be working or going to school full time, as well as a curfew of 9:00 p.m. with random home visits, he has done well. It has been a long, long road to this point, but he knew it was this or he would be living on the streets with NO help from his family or in prison for 12 years. I was sticking by this decision and it worked. He has so many people who love him and his family has supported him throughout this he knows he is loved, but we will not enable him. If you constantly give in and enable him then he will think that is what you will always do. Please try to help him see he needs professional help and cannot do this alone. It is hard, but for his sake please be tough. Please keep me informed and I will pray for you and everyone on this site.

Debbie - posted on 02/02/2013

I am in the same situation. Friends really keep this cycle going, doesn't it. I am also at the "tough love" stage that develops over tough times.

Diane Marie - posted on 02/02/2013

Thank you...he is in a 7 day crisis center now. Next week he starts a 28 day in house rehad. But I talked with him on the phone last night and he still claims he needs the pain pills for a slipped disk in his back and he has some bad teeth problems. He also claims he needs the benz o's for his anxiety..I am afraid he has not hit rock bottom..and I pray his rock bottom is not death..Please keep him he your prays..

Diane Marie - posted on 02/02/2013

Thank you...he is in a 7 day crisis center now. Next week he starts a 28 day in house rehad. But I talked with him on the phone last night and he still claims he needs the pain pills for a slipped disk in his back and he has some bad teeth problems. He also claims he needs the benz o's for his anxiety..I am afraid he has not hit rock bottom..and I pray his rock bottom is not death..Please keep him he your prays..

Linda - posted on 02/01/2013

Keep checking with the Salvation Army. Their waiting list moves quickly due to the fact they random drug and alcohol check. If anyone is caught using they are out until they get off of the stuff and pass another drug test. Have your son walk in and ask to talk to someone. I got no where on the phone. It took my son going down to the Salvation Army Rehab and showing he was serious. They want to talk to them, not you. He will have to want this or they will not take him.

Linda - posted on 02/01/2013

Diane have your son check himself into the Salvation Army Rehab Program. It is a 6 month program that is free. However, you son will undergo constant drug testing and curfews. He will have to work 8 hours a day and attend meetings. My son was there for 6 months and he is a changed person. You son will have to want this and if he has not hit bottom it may not help. Please let me know. I sent my son to a 5,000 a month program as well and he was there for 4 months. He did better at the Salvation Army. He is now in college,working and doing well. He is 24.

Sharon - posted on 01/30/2013

I'm in the same situation I had to have the law pick my Son up and take him to jail.. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do.. But I'm so tired of worrying about him. He is still in jail and is very upset with me

Diane Marie - posted on 01/30/2013

I have check with salvation army..they have a waiting list...I will keep trying..My son is on parole also...heavy heart..

Eva - posted on 01/30/2013

My son was on parole but perhaps call social services ir the Salvation Army some have posted about it

Diane Marie - posted on 01/30/2013

I am in the situation with my 23 yr. old son.Also I am not able financial able to afford a rehad.He is in a 28 day program now for the second time. When he comes out I know he will go back to be on benzo's and pain pills.This could be his last chance.I do not want to lose my son.Does anyone know of a state funded rehad that can help him?

Cathy - posted on 01/27/2013

I understand your pain. My son is fixing to be 30 so many years of addiction. I do not want to loose my son either and pray to God that he will get his life together. Tough Love is the right words!

Eva - posted on 01/26/2013

Gennyboyd...& most of us on here...our plight is the same ...they use & when they have mi where to go ...we agonized because we can't keep them with us on drugs & they normally don't want to give them up! If we pay for them to stay somewhere ...they don't get better. If they go into treatment, that's when u support them & hope for the best ...if not you are part of keeping them sick ...that goes for me so not trying to point fingers ...I've been on a rollercoadter for the last 6 months but if they are legal adults, we are powerless over them ...work on you & your younger kids before your sons problem destroys everyone ...wish I knew the answer but know you are not alone !

Shelly - posted on 01/26/2013

I Have a 33 year old son that has 2 children 4 ,14 the oldest lives with me .they could not get her to school on time..the mother is a addict has sours,looks bad, has been stealing..from family stores, just got caugh,and has to go to jail or rehab..my son who is still with her.say he is not using,and never has, did work for us.but could not make it on time ,,then started missing days..long story short we fried him.he has worked odd jobs,,he looks good..but i find it hard to beleave .that he would stay with her if he is not useing as well. the house is aways fithy,

Gennyboyd - posted on 01/26/2013

Im new to this web site. Im a mom of 4 going threw a divorse. Was married twice. And the father of my oldest is a horrible inabler. So it all falls on me. My 19 yrd is smoking oxy. I have supported him threw out patient treatment. Ive been bullied.by him, he goes from crying like a baby to trying to hurt himself. I 5150 twice this week. He is not willing to do in patient treatment wants to be home. I have 4,7&15 yrs. I dont know what.to do. He is mentaly incompetant it seems to me. Im horrified of putting him on tje street. If something happens to him I dont know if I could forgive my self. I suffer from depression....please help!

Eva - posted on 01/16/2013

It is so sad that he has robbed you of your life and sadly he really doesn't care ...he only cares about having a free place to crash & continue his addiction. My son is 26 and is not allowed in my home except to visit if he is clean & sober. We have paid for mobile homes, cars, food & I'm sure the drugs (not intentionslly), sober living home & when we don't, he says he will kill himself but he never does. It's horrible not knowing but we find out that when we aren't around, he is out having fun ...not caring about our agony, so they count on our loving hearts to get their way it seems ...cruel, yet they belittle all our efforts & play us for fools... I'm not heartless, you can read my earlier posts where I would've given anything to help but two weeks later after he was doing great for over 4months & now he is back to demanding we pay for him to sit & hang out cause its too hard to decide his whole life in a few days ...what a joke ..my sister worked a 12,hour shift & he had the nerve to demand she get him cigarrettes cause that's all he wanted ...I'm sure we can all go on with crazy stories but they won't change, we need to & that is the most loving but painful thing we can do...he knows I will be there IF he is sober but not to help him kill himself slowly

Kate - posted on 01/16/2013

My only child (a son) just turned 36. He was very smart in school and got a degree from a prestigious university. I was once so very proud of him. He had a wonderful childhood. His drug use (cocaine at first) started when he was 18. I paid for rehab a couple of times at $8,000 per month, and the city where we live sent him to their rehab for a few months.
Over these past 18 years of his drug use, he escalated to shooting up meth and heroin, and he and his long-term girlfriend have a 7 year old boy and lost a baby boy who died in the womb due to her drug use. My son still lives at home, tho he was recently in jail for 7 months for robbing people's houses. I'm 66 now, and sometimes I worry about myself (especially with meth, which causes him to be mean). At times I've barricaded myself in my room with my dresser against the door, tho he has never hurt me yet.
I have also had the police come and take him out and put him on a 72-hour mental hold at least five times, and just this past Sunday I had the paramedics come because he had passed out after dosing himsef with heroin. The paramedics have also been here many times.
He's in a rehab situation again now, but it's only a few hours four days a week, and then he goes out with the guys from there or with the girlfriend and gets high.
I've given up hope he'll ever go to work in my lifetime. He never, ever helps me with anything, and I only clean up his room when I can no longer bear it. In the past, I bought him two cars, which he totally wrecked with the tweaking, unscrewing the whole dashboard, etc. I try to only give him small amounts of money, but over the past 18 years, he has stolen a lot from me, even taking my new clothes with tags back to the store to get the credit to trade for drugs. He also goes around the neighborhood and goes through people's garbage cans when he's tweaking on meth, or will just sit down in the garage pulling little pieces of sheetrock off the walls. He brings a lot of this stuff home that he finds, and I've taken more than 30 loads in my own car to the dumps. I feel the situation is hopeless, but I'm afraid if I leave him, he'll kill himself. I've had to distance myself from what family I have left so they won't get involved. It can be very lonely at times, and I worry a lot about my grandson's future.

I am writing this fo you who have younger sons. I too once hoped it would stop, and now I have wasted all these years of my life. I'm not sure I could have done otherwise and just left at some point. I think about leaving a lot of the time. It's confining, this life, because I can never leave him in the house alone because I feel a need to protect the house. If he goes out, I run out and get groceries and do errands quickly in case he returns.

Eva - posted on 01/13/2013

Thanks Linda, all this has brought me closer to God, I pray in defeat & in praise give thanks .somewhere in between, try to live a joyous life ... I pray for all of us here & those that ate going through the same agony & despair ... I agree that they have to want it for themselves but it kills me to know how much they hurt themselves