How do we survive teenage years

User - posted on 02/01/2010 ( 37 moms have responded )

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I am a divorced mom of three teenage boys and at times think I am crazy.

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Victoria - posted on 02/08/2010

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When my children were 17 and 18 years old their Father and I got divorced. After that my son became like someone I didn't know. He had so much anger inside him, he started using drugs and drinking out of control. My life was a nightmare! I did it all cried, begged and pleaded with him but NOTHING worked. But everyday I was the person that would not give up on him when every other person around me was telling me let him fall! After all was said and done my son wake up one day and decided to get HIMSELF some help, thank God! He is 28 now and has a wonderful family. I thought I would never survive but I did and so did he and so will you. My son thanked me one day not to long ago for standing beside him all years and it was worth everyday of hell he put me through! Prayer is the key!!!!

Kim - posted on 02/06/2010

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I am a married but raising an almost 17 yr old son because my husband has a job 14 hrs away. My son is constantly telling me how embarrassing that I am. He even told me we weren't close, which broke my heart. I have always thought we were very close. I am hoping it is just him being a teenager. I try to laugh and do fun things with him as much as possible.

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User - posted on 02/16/2010

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Thank you so much I needed to read this as right now it feels like the anger will never end and my oldest is out of control.

User - posted on 02/16/2010

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Thanks it is this teenage stuff that you just wonder what in the world are they doing.

Kim - posted on 02/12/2010

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I raised 3 kids on my own and man was it tough! I came up with things like * day time is play time, night time is my time * BED TIME, lol. Also * i love you up to the sky again but i love you the most when you are sleeping safe in your bed and not in trouble *, lol. It is tough but you will make it. Good luck.

Deborah - posted on 02/08/2010

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Honey when you're a parent of teenagers we all get crazy at times. The best advice I can give you is keep the line of communication open. Even when there are times they think they don't need to take this time to talk.. TALK.. if you see any kind of change in them.. TALK. If you see something they've done and its good let them know you noticed any accomplishments they've made.. but keep TALKING. I can't promise you that it will keep them from harm, but I can promise you that they will now you love them and are their for them. Most of all.. let them know that not all the things they do or say you will approve of.. or like, but no matter what, you'll always love them. And one other thing, If they come to you with something you feel is the worst of the worst thing either they've done or has happened to them.. DON'T GET MAD.. take a deep breathe, TALK about it, Let them know how you feel definitely.. but also let them know that you will be there to help them through whatever has happened. None of this works over night, but trust me when the worst comes later in life they will remember this and know that you were by their side no matter what.

Susan - posted on 02/08/2010

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Well, I dont know how you arent crazy. I have a teenager also, but only one and I feel like I'm going to go crazy sometimes. I cant imagine how you feel. I'm told this is normal and that when they are about ready to graduate from High School it might be over. I am married, however I do not get a lot of help because my husband is 25 years older than me and I'm going to be 54 in July. When you find the answer to keeping sane let me know.

Francesca - posted on 02/08/2010

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3...GOOD LUCK! Please remember that no matter how well you've raised them they are going to exercise their own free will... like it or not...you need lots of prayer, love, and faith.

Kathleen - posted on 02/08/2010

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have raised children through their teen years and I survived and so will you, with large gaps between them I have gone through it all! Be a friend to them but remember that you are their mama first and foremost, be open and draw on your own experiences, and before you know it they will be terrific adults. Remember how quickly they went from newborn to all of a sudden they were starting school. That is going to happen again.

Michelle - posted on 02/08/2010

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its just a crazy world. I'ts not it use to be. I am a single mother for the second time. My kids range from 30 to 12. I have a sperm donor as well. I love that u use that Rebbeca. My biggest problem now is my 16 year old boy who thinks he knows everything and a strong willed 12 year old girl. I've become I'll the last few years, and I am going crazy!! I'm from Illinois but now live in South Dakota. I had to get away from their father and grandmother who drove us nuts. The father only wanted to see my daughter, my son didnt count. Grandmother condoned everything thing her son did to his kids. At the end he never saw them because they didnt want to see him and he just didnt have the time. A stepmonster drove him from his kids. etc..... I'm 800 miles away and still cant get away from them. My 16 yr old son, well, nature verses nurture, who knows. I't very difficult to be a sick mom and raise teens. I want to pull my hair out.I'm just lost.

Aunt Rara - posted on 02/08/2010

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Don't ever lose your joy or your smile. I am divorced mom of 2 boys 17 and 22. they choose to stay with they're Dad up too days before i left. Now they are reeping the seeds they planted. so i minister from accross the country via phone ,skype and letters. they are very unhappy and it brakes my heart after every conversation. I keep my joy with powerful prayer and a strong faith and learn to forgive..every time i forgive. You are not alone. be strong keep your smile and hug them i wish i could.

Jane - posted on 02/07/2010

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I have a 12 year old and a 14 year old, both boys. My 14 year old makes me feel like i have done everything wrong. He freaks out all the time and i feel like i am always arguing with him. I feel like I am on his hate list and right at the top.. The 12 year old is low key (for now)..I am really trying to understand ths going through teens, hormone changes and all. But he is only 14 and i need to have limits for him. I see that his grades have also dropped. He was accepted into an athletic school for soccer (we live in Greece) and from an A student he has become a B and C student, When I ask him why, is it the school? He tells me "I want to be at that level," that way I'm the same as my friends.. My husband on the other hand, having the greek mentality stays out of this -taking care of the kids and is Mr. nice guy with bith kids.

Alison - posted on 02/06/2010

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It's a challenge isn't it! I have two kids aged 12 and 15, divorced and have a wonderful man who lives with us. I find that no matter how busy you get (I work fulltime and am doing a university degree part time) you always need to make time for the kids. And doing something fun together helps - we are all learning to wakeboard and kneeboard and it's great.

Patricia - posted on 02/06/2010

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You are anything but CRAZY....I too am divorced with two teenage boys and live with a man whom I consider my husband who has a 15 year old daughter and a 12 year old son...talk about thinking you're crazy...Be grateful you have boys my dear!.

Cindy - posted on 02/06/2010

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It looks like you already got a alot of advice.. I am a single mom with 3 kids 2 are now adults boy 20 and girl 23 and 1girl is just turning 15.. What I did and it worked WHEW!!! was stopped yelling and lecturing.. You loose there attention and they don't hear a word you are saying.. If things got out of control everyone including me went to our rooms. they were not allowed out until I was ready to talk. I knocked on there doors and they came to living room and sat on the couch. I sat down in the chair and in the first 30 seconds made my point of what was going to happen in any particular situation. then the floor was open to discussion with one child speaking at a time... Communication is the key.. if they don't want to talk just yet give them there space but let them know that you will be discussing the issue sooner or later.. My biggest advice I prayed and still do every morning and every night " Lord please make me the kind of mom my children need" you lead by example and one day you will hear them say to someone something you instilled in them and know that they were listening. as far as thinking your crazy well your right the crazy is want keeps us sane. Also always let them know as I do to each one of my kids still to this day and will till the day i die that I am so Glad and so Blessed that GOD CHOSE me to be there mom. Enjoy them they grow fast and you will miss these times.. I didnt realize that until my son moved out.

Patricia - posted on 02/06/2010

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Make NO a word that doesnt change.... No means NO and will not turn into a yes, But a YES can turn into a NO !!!! Stay HARD.. They may hate it now But i promise they will Thank you for it later.

Norine - posted on 02/05/2010

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You're not crazy! It is the hardest job in the world! We don't see our hard work pay off until they are old enough to understand. My mom was strict and I thought she was "the meanest mom around!" I wrote her a letter when I was in my early 20's thanking her for being a "strict" mom because, my friends told me stories of things that happend due to the fact their parents were more leniant. It is true, some day they will be glad that you did not allow them to do whatever they wanted and with whomever.

Hang in there! Always remember you are not alone other moms' feel just like you.

Let's face it, we all are, a little "crazy" our kids drive us there! Some day we will drive them crazy too! Never, ever, lose your sense of humor and when the going gets tough call a friend who makes you laugh. My friends can see the funny side of the stories I tell and just by relaying the story we do end up laughing.

Right there with you mom of 4! Two teen boys, one tween girl, and one 8 year old boy!

I love them and am glad I have them but some days are easier than others. The teenage years are tough I am finding.

There are no manuals, we all do the best we know and can with what we have.

Cathe - posted on 02/05/2010

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Girls are harder!!! So much drama....when you find an answer PLEASE let me know! My 12 yr old is making me crazy with some of the stunts she comes up with!

Maria - posted on 02/05/2010

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commuincation, communication talk to them about what they like, spend as much time as possible with them and always know who they are with and what they are doing.

Carrie - posted on 02/05/2010

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I too have three boys well now their men except my 19 year old~my sons are 23, 21, and19~yes i would also like some advice in this area, my older two are on their own thank god, but my youngest still lives with us and hes lazy, depressed, complainy, I dont know quit what to do except put alot of positives in his life, which is helping but not curing the problem, i think alot of praying and helpful friends can go along way~

Bonnie - posted on 02/05/2010

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I HAVE A DAUGHTER THAT IS 25. I THOUGHT I WOULD NEVER GET THROUGH THOSE TEENAGE YEARS. I SPENT MANY NIGHTS UP ALL NIGHT, WAITING AND WORRYING. I WONDERED HOW IN THE WORLD AM I GOING TO GET THROUGH THIS. BUT I HAVE TO SAY WITH ALOT OF FAITH AND PRAYER I MANAGED TO GET THROUGH IT! I WOULD NEVER WANT TO GO THROUGH IT AGAIN! THERE WERE ALOT OF TIMES I WAS TIRED AND WANTED TO GIVE UP BUT I KEPT PUSHING MYSELF THROUGH AND I MADE IT!! THE ONLY ADVISE I CAN GIVE YOU IS JUST HANG IN THERE AND HANG ON, YOU ARE IN FOR A BUMPY RIDE. YOU WILL GET THROUGH IT THOUGH! JUST TRY NOT TO MAKE YOURSELF CRAZY OVER IT!! TRY TO KEEP YOUR SANITY. JUST REMEMBER THE TEEN YEARS ARE ONLY A SHORT PERIOD OF TIME COMPARED TO ALL THE OTHER GOOD TIMES YOU WILL HAVE WITH YOUR KIDS!!!

Sandra - posted on 02/04/2010

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You're not crazy, but even if you are, it's temporary! Sometimes you have to make a "date" with them. Plan an event that CANNOT be changed and then do something fun together. Otherwise, they will always find a reason to be doing something else. Once they see that it can be fun, maybe the next date won't be so hard to schedule. It doesn't have to cost money either. Watch an old movie together with popcorn and/or ice cream, or play cards or some other board game that allows you to actually talk while you're playing. Or let them teach you their favorite game. Make a scrapbook with their help, maybe to give away or to keep for themselves. Grab the digital camera and take them outside to "pose" for pics, any poses they choose. Good luck!

Bec - posted on 02/04/2010

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lol, I feel bad that I didn't add the hugs and talks (yes, some of them hard) and hikes together and laughter and games at nite around the table... you'll do great, and they'll love you for it.

Bec - posted on 02/04/2010

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Let's see... dogs and cats, coffee with half and half in the morning and hot tea at nite, and another thing. Make a list of what needs to be cleaned: mopping, windows done, dishes put up, garage swept, UNDER BEDS CLEANED... then hand them the list, thank them, and go take a long walk :-) SAVE that sheet of paper for next time!

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Lots of prayer. Sticking to your values. For example, My daughter one day woke up and said she was quitting school and that she was going to stay home. I looked at her like she had just lost her mind. I calmly but forceably replied, You! will be attending school today. You can go in your jammas or get dressed, I really do not care. You will attend and You will not be dropping out. If I have to call the truant officer I will. Come hell or high water you WILL graduate. (She was 2 monthes away from graduating). I took her to school every morning and walked her into the principles office and he took over from there. I love that man, he was awesome.

I also told her that one day she would be very grateful for me sticking to my guns and that she would also thank me. For the time being she hated me and I didn't allow that to bother me. My feelings of determinatiion and knowing better over came that. Well the day came and she did.

I use to inform my children that our household was not a democratic household. I was the sole queen and my rule extended over all in my kingdom. I was once told by a group of people that I didn't give my children enough privacy. My answer to that was, "Hogwash!" How else are you to know what is going on with your children if you're not into their business. Teenagers are immature and think they know everything. Most are followers and think their parents are stupid. You give them an inch and they take a mile. My children, My home, My rules. Two day later after that conversation Columbine made history. One individual actually came to me and apologized to me in front of the whole group. I was taken back by that apology. Please do not misunderstand me. I did not wallow in victory. Sad to say, those parents did not have a clue as to what was going on in the lives of their children.

And YOU are not CRAZY. Not no more than my friend. She is a tiny woman, 5ft 125 lbs soaking wet. Her son was 6ft, built like a refrigerator and a high school football tackle. One night he came home in the wee hours of the morning,trying to sneak in. The moment he got thru the door, she got into a full run and tackled him. He didn't know what hit him. She was hitting him and telling him that he wasn't too big to get spanked by her. It was a hoot to hear her tell it.

You have your morals and values, pass them on to your children, Except sometimes you just have to get their attention.

Kalea - posted on 02/04/2010

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Boys are truly a hand full. The energy it takes to keep up with them is wild! I have a boy and a girl, Boy 13 girl 11. The nit picking is what drives me Crazy!
Keep strong.

[deleted account]

Most all of my kids are grown now but I can honestly say that I did not have a problem with any of them. The teen years were such a wonderful time. I only have 3 still at home now. They are 17, 15 and 12. They are awesome too. No rebellion or attitudes at all and they are as much a blessing as my grown children were. :)

Kathleen - posted on 02/04/2010

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No way hosea!
These are the best years of a childs life and you have boys which are the best to bring up then the girls. My boys are very placid, caring, quiet like there dad, and my girls are definitely like there mum, straight up not afraid to speak up and love to indulge in dressing up, LOL!

Every child is definitely different in nature & temperament.

First & foremost be there friend first & secondly be there parent, you will always look eye to eye on everything when you come down to there level and be there friend then play the parent second to rules, allowed to or not to, your rewards will be the joy you have with these boys to growing towards being well adapted handsome young men.

These are our blessings from our Father in Heaven.

Enjoy Sandra, they dont stay little long.

Michelle - posted on 02/04/2010

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Hi there I'm Michelle, Mother of 2, 21yrs and 23yrs and we survived there teenage years by giving them boundry's and also giving them the freedom of making choices with alot of things, and enforcing the concequences which we had already gone through with them, when they asked about things they wanted to do. We always gave them our opinion and asked them to think about what we have said and think about why we have said what we have. and they were really good and could see where we were coming from most of the time. Other things they learnt the hard way. But that is life. We have to cut the apron strings at some time.

Gaby - posted on 02/03/2010

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But what do you do, if you want to spend time with them and they rather spend that time with friends?? Or if he gets upset about everything that you do??

Sherry - posted on 02/03/2010

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I have teenage twins and i know how you feel i also run a business I have a girl and a boy very good kids only 15 but there is times i feel like i'm losing it at christmas i broke out toddler pictures to remember the better days i feel like i'm always yelling about something your not crazy we will survive.

Jeanie - posted on 02/03/2010

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I am older than you for sure but I too was (am) a single mother of 3 boys! Whew! It has been an adventure for sure. Mine were stair-steps as well and all boys. What one didn't think of the other ones would. I raised them in (of all cities) Las Vegas. Yes, the one in Nevada. I have been through everything on earth with those boys. And now - they are grown men and still my best friends. You're not crazy-REALLY! But it did feel like it at times. It's ok! It will all be ok! Breathe-Laugh and remember you are the adult. I used to tell my boys-I am old enough to be your Mother and young enough to be your friend. It is a delicate balance of staying in thier day to day life (actively) and but stand back cause you have to teach them to make and be responsible for thier own mistakes. Someday as you have heard-you're gonna miss this! I'd give anything to have those years back! They were all 3 worth it! You have it tough but you have... And your not crazy-Your a Mom!

Ann - posted on 02/02/2010

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We do the best we can to teach them love, respect and a sense of purpose when they are small...if we are lucky they pick up on some of it and do what they must to live a good life...but after a certain age nothing we do or say makes much of a difference the dye is cast we can only hope they find thier way..some kids you can fight with and help them get on the right track...others have to do it themselves..sink or swim...i think the trick is figuring out what kid you have and seeing if you can help..

Dawn - posted on 02/02/2010

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Be thankful you don't have 3 girls! I'm dealing with addictions, gangs, and major attitude...I had to take 2 weeks stress leave to deal with courts/AADAC, etc...I didn't think I'd survive each day my daughter was missing. I slept a few hours at a time, scrubbed baseboards at 4am...walked around like a zombie....
My daughter has agreed to go into treatment and is now home again. It's only when she's with one specific crowd that is full of dealers, gang bangers, and just plain douche bags...(can you tell I'm bitter?) She's an beautiful A student with a brilliant future if she could just find her self esteem and some new friends...which they'll address in treatment...I wish you the best of luck...and remember to have FUN with your kids but at the same time, be very very consistent with your rules...don't give in an inch or they WILL take a mile...

Rebecca - posted on 02/01/2010

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I know what you mean. Single mother of 2 teens. Boy and Girl. I have told them if they continue to argue I was getting a referee shirt, whistle and flags to throw penalties. They are good kids. We talk alot and we are very close. The sperm donor left when daughter was 3 1/2 months and son 2 yrs. It is the three of us. Stick it out find out what your sons are into. I play xbox 360 with my son, daughter now plays it to. You will get through this. Just alot more gray. lol

Jeannie - posted on 02/01/2010

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You're not crazy! Try to laugh with your kids as much as possible. I know you feel like you need to be serious all the time, being both mom and dad, but sometimes it best to just relax and enjoy your kids, they're not going to be living with you forever and believe it or not, you will miss these days once they're gone!

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