How do you cope when your assaulted by 1 of your kids?

Shari - posted on 02/18/2010

I call it tough love.. Had you defended yourself it would have been you in jail.. He needs to learn that there are consequences for his actions.. These people that are judging you have probably never been in your shoes and really don't know what their reaction would have been..

I called the police on mine for a lot less than that and got a call from my now almost 24 yr old to tell me thank you for being so mean when he was growing up.. He realizes now that had I not done what I had done he would probably be in jail and hooked on drugs like all the other kids he used to hang with. He is now a responsible 4 year going on 5 yr Marine married with 2 daughters..

Andrea - posted on 02/18/2010

when my son was 14 i had a VERY difficult time with him. He went to live with his Dad but the problems continued and got worse.. we ended up giving up our parentals rights and putting him in the physical custody of DSS where he went to a group home about 15 minutes from my home. We had regular visits, he got MUCH needed therepy and had some VERY eye opening experiences. He is now 24 years old... lives in NC with his fiance and their 2 year old daughter. He is an AWESOME dad... and will be a wonderful husband. He's got his STUFF TOGETHER... FINALLY! You did the right thing by calling the police... you need to follow thru with it...continue letting him know that you LOVE him ... but will NOT tolerate this behavior.. get him the therapy he needs and make SURE you attended therapy your self... both with him and with out ... BE CONFIDENT ... you are doing the right thing by your child... teach him to respect himself and others..as well as the law!

Laurie - posted on 02/17/2010

don't feel guilty--it is obvious that your son needs help. i hope the courts have recommended counselling for him. it will be an up and down road with this child but it will be worth it in the end. also get counselling for yourself--a good counselor will help you to not enable him in his behavior and to realize that it isnt your fault for what they do.

Deborah - posted on 02/17/2010

you did the right thing he had to know that he can not put his hands on any one just love him and let him know this and he will get help and in time ne might be able to come and spend some time with the Family an it will happen but again you did the right thing

Juliet - posted on 02/17/2010

you did the right thing he needed help as if you did not do anything he may have hurt you badly or someone else, he needs to learn and understand it is wrong. we love our kids no matter what and i am sure he knows deep down you still love him. he just needs to sort out what is going on with him. good luck hope things work out for you

Betty - posted on 02/17/2010

i felt guilty also. always trying to save him. It didnt work. It just enabled him to continue on his path to distruction. So I stopped bailing him out of everything. stopped the money.
It hurt alot because I always felt responsible for him not knowing his real dad. And all he had was me. But I had to let go in order for him to face what he does by himself.
Then a few years later my stepson moved in, and made my child look like a angel. I was not and will not go through it again. I also had a no contact order on my step son . who threatened me with a golf club . He was horrible. And I am to dam old to go through that again. His mom said I was picking on him. I did not. hell she had him arrested several times for hitting her.
Oh well glad thats over. I don't need the stress .

Joyce - posted on 02/16/2010

Lesley,

I wish there was a cut and dry answer. I went through this with my two older sons (I have 4 sons). The oldest one I called the police on. He eventually went to prison on other charges. The other one, I did not call the police on, but still did not know how to handle it properly. He eventually straightened up and is now a fantastic daddy. All I can tell you is pray your way through it and make sure you have a support system in place of people you respect.

Jean - posted on 02/16/2010

Let me start with you did the right thing. My son assaulted me when he was 12. I called the police and they took him away. That was the only time but things didn't get any better. We had a lot of issues. He was always angry and very explosive. Therapy, counceling(sp). Therapy continued until he was 18. There is so much that happened during that time. He cut school so much and the school didn't contact me until 3 months after school had started in 10th grade. I had to call the truant officer. This is where tough love gets tough. The truant officer asked me if drugs could be involved. I said probably. She set up a drug test when we went to court. It was positive and he was put in a rehab day program. They picked him up from home and he had school there. That wasn't a help. It got so bad that he was then sent to a rehab center out of state. I went through hell with him but I love my son and I wasn't giving up on him. He is 19 and in his senior year of high school. He is talking about going to college in the fall. He may or may not go but he has done a 180 and we both are doing so much better. Actually we are closer than ever. Don't give up. It is a very stressful time, I know. But find someone that you can talk to: friend, priest, therapist, someone anyone. Good luck and God Bless You.

Marnie - posted on 02/15/2010

you did the right thing! Is he on drugs or does he have other issues you need to get to the root of the problem and don't let him hurt you ,theres only one you ask for help don't try to take this on yourself

Kelli - posted on 02/15/2010

i have a severely disabled son with viloent tendecies and went through pathways for help and yes could probably tell u a lot about it my email is kentuckyredhead5353@yahoo.com

Penny - posted on 02/15/2010

First off stop feeling guilty I know thats better said then done. Second thing tough love after a certain age it seems like nothing will get through to these kids. they are going to have to learn on their own and hopefully see that you are not their enemy and all you want is whats best for them. Even though they will not admit to it till they have truely grown up. It's hard to admit that your mother is right especially if your the son. hang in there and get some therapy for yourself to help you deal with it. Best Wishes and hang in there

Mary - posted on 02/15/2010

you did the right thing. do your son have a case worker maybe he or she can help you fine a place for your son if you are scare of him. does your son see a cousler or do you also see a family cousler.

Sharon - posted on 02/15/2010

I think you did the right thing. People have an opinion on everything but they would have to walk a mile in your shoe. If he was your husband they would say have him arrested so if you let him get away with this he will do it to someones daughter and then they would call you a bad mother. So great job and keep your head up listen to your heart. GOOD LUCK.

Laura - posted on 02/15/2010

I think that God allows us to go through things because he knows we can handle them...through all things Christ strengthens us ....i have an abusive 20 year old who is also metally challenged to look at him he seems normal but he has alot of anger management problems alot of impulsivity and poor choice making hes a cutter he also burns himself out of boredom and tried suicide more than once ....I have sent to Rivendell multiple times arrested twice sent to Malvern mental hospital.....I love him but God is all he has now ...

Betty - posted on 02/15/2010

been there done that. My son tried it once the courts order a no contact order for one year. I missed him, but we needed a break, he was 18 when he did that. Teens glad thats over. he is 27.
Then I married a guy with a teen that makes mine look like he was a angel . We got married the child lived with his mom. Then he wanted to live with us. That was fine. He just thought he would get away with more. he was selling pot. said his father threatened him with a knife just to get his way and go back to mom's because we had rules. But I set up video recorders that show my husband was innocent. This kid nearly made me loose my mind. He did so much stuff I could be here all day. I never would have a teen again. A baby yea but they grow up. LOL

Sharon - posted on 02/14/2010

hi Lesley, it is a a very difficult situation when your child assults there parnt. You did the right thing believe me, I wish that i would have taken that step with my son, but i didn't and now he is 29 and physicall abuses his girl friend and kids. I cant help believing if i wouldnt have listen to all the people tll me tht it was just a phase and I should take care "in house', he would be a better man today. You did the right thing by involving the police!

Kim - posted on 02/14/2010

I know what u are going through, my daughter who is 18 assaulted her dad a few months ago, we threw her out, sent her packing. If she had not left we also would have called the police. I think you did the RIGHT thing. Now a days kids think they can get away with whatever they want with no repercussions. I work in a middle school and I see how our young people are growing up with no respect for anyone not even themselves. I do not know how old your son is, or the reasons behind the confrontation, buy your safety is what is most important and if you do no show him that there are reactions to their actions then it will continue to get worse. I pray that the lesson you are trying to show him will sink in, our daughter (I pray) was away for 4 months, lost everything she had, no car, quit school, has nothing to her name all because of her actions. We are praying that the "tough love" we had to show her sank in.. God Bless and I hope all goes better for you and your son in the future.

Mary - posted on 02/14/2010

You did not say how old your son is but that really does not matter because children of any age should not be allowed to assault their parent(s). You did what you thought was best because you love him and you want this cycle broken. Do not pay attention to others who are not in your situation nor do they love your child like you do. Over time he will understand that you called the police and did what you had to in order to help him understand that his behavior has consequences and that if he had done this to anyone else he would have been locked away for longer or in a place that is worse than juvenile detention.
Please just focus on the fact that you love your son and that the decisions you are making are for best for him and showing him that an adjustment to his attitude needs to be done. It is not easy and it may take years before he understands but it is better than the alternative of never facing a consequence for his actions until he losing complete control and ends up in prison for years. Take heart that their are many of us that have faced this type of situation and decision.

Beverly - posted on 02/14/2010

i thank that u should seek anger class or something in that way that will help the child.

Alanna - posted on 02/14/2010

You absolutely did the right thing. He must be helf accountable for his actions.
Your relationship with your son will need repair and it may never be the way you hope it will be. I don't know anything about your son so it is hard to give advice. Has this kind of things happened in the past ? aside from you ? i.e in the community ?
It sounds like your son needs anger management counselling and this is available through the John Howard Society or Sherriff King.

Joan - posted on 02/14/2010

your welcome i hope things go well. unfortunately you can't help some people i used to tell my nephew that he is his own worst enemy.

Lesley - posted on 02/14/2010

joan i hope he will learn his lesson this time , only time will tell i guess. he is now planning on going back to school etc but i have told him that if he gets himself into anymore trouble thats his own issue to sort out, he's old enough at 17 to do so and he also needs to stop using the death of his father as the root of most of his issues(he had 2yrs councelling for that). thanks for your support greatly appreciate it.

Joan - posted on 02/14/2010

i would have and did do the same thing you did. we have legal custody of my nephew by the time he was 13 i had called the police 5x due do out of control behavior. i also went to court and filed a chins order. that put him on probation and gave him time to clean up his act or choose to leave. after 8 wks on probation with no change in behavior the probation officer put him infront of a judge she removed him from our care and placed him in fostercare. none of this changed who he is oh i should say he had been in counseling since age 5. something that he never participated in. to this day he has the same attitude toward life. i am not sorry and feel no guilt. if people are telling you that you did the wrong thing they are not the kind of people you need to surround your self with.it sounds like your son may have to learn thru the school of hard knocks painful but sometimes much more successful.

i wish you luck

joan

Robin - posted on 02/13/2010

you did the right thing!!! NO ONE has the right to assault you!! I went through the same thing, and I know how the guilt, etc can get to you, but you have to be strong!! Hopefully by taking a stand your child will get some help. you haven't mentioned if you are all going for counselling, but it would be a good idea for your whole family. I wish you all the best!

BillieSue - posted on 02/13/2010

Children can really cause some serious guilt and trouble. You did the right thing no where does it say that a child has the right to bully, assult or in anyway hurt their mother. Dont feel guilty. My 19 yo daughter was a holy terror from 13-16 drugs, drinking sex she told me several times she wished i would die. She only tried to hit me once but never tried again.Teenagers are nothing but bullies they try to manipulate and do whatever they can to rule you. You have to right to be safe in your own home and you totally did the right thing i would have done the same thing in a heartbeat. He needs to suffer the consequences of what he did and he should be the one carrying the guilt not you!

Kim - posted on 02/12/2010

I would continue to keep in contact with the authorities as he sounds like he has a explosive temper. People should NOT judge other people until they have walked in * OUR * shoes. I went through this with a snot nose 14 yr old daughter and now at 30 yrs old this May, she is still a mess.



No matter how hard we try to raise our kids right, once they hit a certain age, they choose what they want to do, good or bad. Does not mean we failed as a parent. Just means some people have a mind of their own and won't let anyone else in to let them know who they are hurting, including themselves.



I would get a restraining order on him if he keeps it up. You did not mention how old he is? My prayers are with you on this one.