How do you get rid of adult children?

Jennifer - posted on 08/13/2009 ( 146 moms have responded )

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22 yr old living at home agin GOD help me! How do you get rid of them????

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Tom - posted on 09/10/2013

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I have a 25 yr old step son who is currently living with us. I have two children of my own, 17 yr old son, and 16 yr old daughter. My wife and I have been together 10 years now and everything was great until she let him move in. It started out he was only going to stay a week, that turned into 2 weeks and it has been 2 months now. I am miserable. He does not have a job, no license, and he has 3 kids by two different women. My wife has to drive him all over town, when he does put in applications. I am the only one working in our household. The boy has been introuble with the law and always seems to get out of it. His father will not let him stay there. I cannot even talk about him moving out with my wife now, she says "he is still my son" or that I am making her chose between him and me. I love her tremendously but I cannot stand coming home after working a 12 hr shift and see him laying on the couch or sleeping in late. He has not motivation or ambition. It is really puttting a strain on our marraige where I am considering leaving. Any help or suggestions would be appreciated.

Maria - posted on 05/22/2013

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I am a 65 widow, no pension, no nothing....and living with a 29 and a 27 year old adult "children"...they do not clean, cook, do shopping, pay bills ...or work.
I am ashamed to post this...for me, and for them.

Bev - posted on 12/02/2013

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I wish I knew. My 36 year old, going on 12 (can't manage his money, terrified of being alone, have to tell him every thing to do or he does nothing) step son won't move out and, his father, my husband, won't kick him out. "I'm not going to kick my son out"

Well it's nearing the point of the son or me, one of us has to go. All that kid does is sleep and mope and whine. "I can't, it's too hard, I don't have any money, oh woe is me, I only have 100 a month after I pay my bills, I can't , no one will take me....." and so on. He has a job and a car but won't, or can't save the extra money he has. "I thought I had 90.00 on my card, I don't understand." when he spent it on junk food and cigarettes and, a pre paid cell phone (which he refuses to give up even though we have a land line phone.)

One of three thing needs to happen now. That kid needs to get his act together. The kid has to go or, I have to go. I cannot stand incompetent idiots that whine about what they could change then do nothing to change it despite being told how to change it. (Dump the long distance girlfriend, loose the cell phone, move to town, sell the car and ride the city bus, get on food stamps, go to the food bank, quit buying high dollar junk food, quit going to meet people you found on some cell phone app...) But no, he won't even try to do anything. He'd rather whine and mope.

How do I get him out NOW?

Doreen - posted on 11/13/2011

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I have 4 boys with 3 of them living at home with me....they are 29-28 and 20...I can't seem to get them to fly from the nest.....so now mom has had to fly the coop---finding a 1 bedroom else where....Am I a bad mom?

Sybil - posted on 08/20/2009

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make rules that you know they cant follow. such as unless you work night shift you must be in the house by 11pm, no eating in any rooms but the kitchen, no food or kitchen privilages after 8pm, can only do their laundry on the day you tell them is their day, if they want to eat more then one meal a day at your house owe $50.a week . our kids managed to follow (or pretend to follow) our rules for a month and amazingly found their own apartments

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/22/2014

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Oh, Sophia, you're FUNNY!

How come my 22 YO son is working a full time job, with benefits, that's paying for his college? Answer BECAUSE HE'S RESPONSIBLE. Ain't no fixin what's been done before, you need to realize that and move forward. Its highly likely that your 'business' degree from your 'private college' didn't actually give you the skill set needed in the business world!

Peti - posted on 09/21/2014

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I have a 36 year old son that is abusive daily, Swearing and he frightens me, slamming doors, he did put two holes in a wall and two holes in a door, I have had these repaired, smashed my cell phone when i was going to ring the police, couldn't afford to replace this, he tried to strangle me,cause I yelled at his older three children 18, 14, 12 years old, they don't help me do anything, if I ask them they run to my son and he screams at me to do it myself, I am continually picking up after his children, cleaning, washing, vaccuming, they have two young children under 2, his partner mother of my 5 grandchildren and all 5 grandchildren were watching while this was going on. The verbal abuse is bad. She stopped him from strangling me. I love my son and want them to get their own place and they have tried, but have to get a four bedroom, and these are expensive, please help, he won't go to housing nz, do they have a emergency house here in Whangarei.

William - posted on 08/23/2014

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I am a 26 year old male, who grew up in foster care. I had no support group like most of my cohorts in my generation did and still do. Despite that I'm doing fine! I never lived off of government assistance programs either.

In high school I was a D- student, and wasn't very motivated. After I graduated I got a job at fedex ground 5 days a week package handling for four hours a day during the evening at 9.75 an hour to start. It was brutal work and most people didn't last more then a month. I also worked several other part time jobs in the day, and I payed $700 to go to driving school. I rented a room for $300 a month that I found on craigslist, and I ended up getting my own car for $3000 and delivered pizza for two months.

The whole time I was looking for better employment during the day. My friends thought I was nuts, I had no social life, and I pretty much just worked and slept. I had days off here and there that gave me something to look forward too. On my days off I enjoyed just being able to sit down and relax for the day watching TV or playing video games on my laptop that I got for free. I didn't have an x box or any of that, and I didn't need it! Eventually I got full time employment at fedex and didn't have to work two jobs.

Three years later I got laid off when I was 23 and decided enough was enough. I moved in with a friend for TWO WEEKS and lived on his basement floor while I found another job that didn't pay as much and went back to school for nursing.

Financial aid helped me out a lot, but I was still busy working full time and going to school full time. Most kids these days can't even handle a part time job, but that's something that you have to work up too!

Now I'm 26 and I'm engaged! I graduate next may, and I currently have a great part time job as a Nursing Assistant that pays twice as much then the full time job that I had at fedex!

Opportunities are out there folks, but a lot of kids these days are used to growing up with a certain type of life style that has really set them back in today's hard times! I feel FORTUNATE for growing up in foster care and having a horrible life, because it's given me perspective and made me a stronger person! All those kids I grew up in high school who lived the good easy life are now in a really bad situations! No one wants to hire these lazy good for nothings! A lot of kids think they're to good to do X job! A lot of my peers sneer at me because of the career path I've chosen, and some of the things I need to deal with (think human feces!). Yet they're living at home with mommy and daddy still and think they're better then me! Because mommy and daddy have a big house and they get to live in it! Remind your kids that what you have isn't what they have! They need to make their own lives, not leech off of you!

Sophia - posted on 07/07/2014

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Here is a short answer: Fix the unemployment rate and the raise the standard of living to what it was when you were 22 then you boomers can stop complaining. ;) *Sung by a 28 year old woman with a BA in in Business from a Private University. Who graduated with honors, is unemployed and eats only because I get food stamps.* Your generation was soooo awesome for America, keep up the great work in bankrupting Social Security!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/30/2014

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Shannon, you need to report elder abuse to the authorities. If your brother is holding your mother captive, is signing her checks, etc, it IS abuse, and it IS illegal, and he WILL be prosecuted.

Danyell - posted on 06/29/2014

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dear shannon, that is horrible . hes too old for that crap. made my heart hit my feet reading ur story, ur mother needs to stand up and stop being scared, at his age hes not going to change . she needs to get law involved.

Shannon - posted on 06/28/2014

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Hello All, I am writing on behalf of my mom. I am 50, my mom is 67, my brother is 45, and has been living with/off our mom since his divorce 10 years ago. My brother is raging monster to her all the time, he lies, steal, throws the past up, we are talking 40 years past, he has held her captive in her basement for 3 hours in the winter, he steals her checks, signs her name gets money from her account then screams and berates her when she finds she is overdrawn, he does not work pay for anything, or even take out the trash, yesterday he screamed at her for 3 hours and made crazy threats against her and my 28 year old daughter my mom still works fulltime, if she comes home tired she still has to pretend she isnt and tip toes around the sleeping giant. I need resources in St Louis MO, support group info that is related to this, Adult son living, abusing elderly mother.

Michelle - posted on 06/23/2014

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I know it will be tough, however to keep what you have with your husband and other children, you guys may need to consider letting them go. They will be fine on their own. It seems to have been the best lesson for ours.

Yvonne - posted on 06/23/2014

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Whether you like it or not your husband has been an enabler! Your son just keeps taking advantage of you both!! It's not fair to you how your being treated by the both of them!

[deleted account]

I need help, too! I have a 23 year old son who has been out of college for a year and has only a part time job and a side business, which he has been developing and claims he puts all his extra money into. Yet of course I notice he also spends his money on stylish T-shirts, going out with his friends, etc. He has been sending out resumes and letters to get a "real" job, but thinks very ambitiously, so that real entry level full time job he wants to get is supposed to be lined up with his career goals. Well, no interviews have been forthcoming from his attempts. And he is SLOW and methodical about everything. He does NOT help around the house, but instead CRITICIZES my housekeeping and actually acts superior, stating that he has better standards, which is not true. He actually blamed me for his messy room because he said I had removed a laundry basket that he would normally put his clothes in, if it had been there - when he could have easily gone and found one. He complains about everything. He stays up half the night. Has a terrible rude temper and hurts my feelings. My husband yells at him from time to time but chooses to do nothing but that and doesn't want to participate to support me by calmly setting him straight. He tells me I should just do things to avoid my son being able to criticize, such as have a meal ready or clean something before he has a chance to complain so he has nothing to complain about. My husband tells me that I have to be the one to deal with it and when I make statements about what I think should be done he tells me that my "drawing a line in the sand" method, as he calls it, is inaffective. He gets irritated when I try to describe an argument with this son. He has a history of being impatient with him and our son has never therefore wanted to help him do anything. So it is not a great father/son relationship. My husband has an attitude towards him and seems like he has just given up. So I feel very helpless in this. My son doesn't have the income to move, he says, which is true. But if he found roommates he could. My question - how do I get him to move out. Believe me I have yelled it at him many times lately. But then he is civil for a while and I am happy to get to know my son again with some nice conversations...but then the rude accusations and disrespect comes back. If we stop paying his car insurance, he'll probably have an accident and or drive illegally. He says I am cheap because I only give him a few dollars for things. How do I get him to move out faster than his dream job comes along????

Michelle - posted on 06/21/2014

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Hello Yvonne, I know how hard this must be. I too have a stepdaughter which came to live with us from another state. My husband bent over backwards to please her, only to have her break his heart. She was so trust worthy in the beginning, until he saw what it was doing to our relationship. She stole from me as well, he didn't believe it until I confronted her, which was small compared to what you've experienced. Now, it doesn't stop with her, my son who is 24 yrs. old also once lived with us. I was blinded for a while, he stole from us, destroyed some things in our home, even busted the windows out in my husband car. I didn't realize what it was doing to my husband and I relationship until my husband shut me out and treated me like a roommate. He was on the verge of living me. We both had to come to realization that they both are our children, however they're adults. We had to let them GO! I'm sorry this is happening to you. My apology for the long reply.

Mary - posted on 06/20/2014

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Wows you are so brave I have 26yr 25yr 21yr and 15 yr old. And I so want to run away, but they would take my home my stuff and just keep on, my husband would allow it. I wish I was as brave as you! Xx

Danyell - posted on 06/18/2014

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dear megamum, both my kids where out on March 1st. my oldest son is living at his aunts house. he kept the baby away from me till this past weekend when his ex girlfriend(babys mom) called me and asked me to take her for the weekend, i was so happy. hes not doing well, he wont talk to me but i know hes not working. as for my younger son, their father finally stepped up to the plate and took him in. chris and his dad are moving to england. lol. he met a girl online years ago and they r moving there in a few weeks to get married so chris can stay there. i do see him every week andi am going to miss so very much. as for myself i am getting married aug 23rd. and very happy, but i still cry thing about how my children turned out. and just pray things will get better. i hope everyones lives gets easier. your children are not babies and once they are as of age , u deserve to be happy.:-)

Bev - posted on 06/10/2014

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The idea was to set rules he could not follow but, if he did, he would have the means to get his own place in a few months. Of course he moved out and in with a GF (one of several he has) rather than even try to follow the rules.

Nothing left to do since he refused to listen or do anything his father or I suggested. Wouldn't even take a bath before going to bed, after coming in sweaty and smelly. He had the whole room stinking worse than a locker room and, by the end, that stench was migrating to other rooms.

He's the one that need mental help. Just an example. I asked him what his plans for getting his own place were. his answer "I'll find a girl I can mooch off of and f*****"

Megamum - posted on 06/08/2014

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Dear Danyell

Hi! I'm Megan from England, just read your story and am wondering if you kept your word and your children moved out? Please let me know if you read this.
Thanks
Meganx

Megamum - posted on 06/08/2014

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Hi Scarlet

I am the mother of a 'parasitic child'. He is 25yrs, rude, lazy, and selfish, not to mention loud, abusive and non-worker. Please advise from where you discovered this......(later become sociopaths).

Thanks Scarlet

Megamum (megan)

Tiisha - posted on 06/02/2014

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My son is 23 now and he have been playing mind games with me since he was 16. I have gave him rules and he ignore them until he get his way. Today I followed through on what I said. I had him pack all his things and leave (no coming over to take a shower, eat food, ect.) I don't want him to give up on his self. I get the threat of him breaking the law because he is homeless (he have manage to break the law since he was 16 and while he has been staying at my house). Make your rules and follow through with what will happen if he doesn't do his part. Pray for him while he is out there and let God do the rest.

Kahu - posted on 06/01/2014

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I always tell my grown daughter with two kids of her own who was suppose to be with me for one year so she can reset her life with her two kids, has been with me for three years longer. She dosen't work, she is now under dept of children service for her children and can be disrespectful at time. It seems I spend my money supporting her and her children I do feel used. I have tried everything said here and whatever advise from friends, family and internet. Her father supplies her phone which has become a body part on her and seems to take most of her attention from her children. I love my grand babies but I have raised my three children and is ready to enjoy my life while I' m able to. I've had enough of this and have given her my last advise which is get it together for you and your children I'm moving out at the end of June you have exactly six months. it is now June first she looks at me in disbelief. I have already found employment in another state and have started packing. All of this isn't moving her one bit. When I leave I won't look back the family doesn't agree with my decision but I won't feel bad. Because If the Good Lord was to take me now what would she do then, I say why wait until I'm gone why not do it while I'm living, I believe she will do just find.

Scarlet - posted on 05/04/2014

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Parasitic children who are not in the slightest bit guilty about taking from their parents will usually be sociopaths.. Research this condition and you'll probably find then there. It will be a lot to deal with at first but will get so much better as you understand them Knowledge is power..

Gregory - posted on 05/01/2014

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I agree with Sybil. Don't just make these kinds of rules, enforce them. This is not unreasonable. What would happen to these people should your support expire? TOUGH LOVE.

Joni - posted on 04/28/2014

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Honey, I almost wish we could swap for a couple months. Notice I said "couple months"! Because no matter the situation all are so difficult. I feel for you & truly hope your son will "wake up" as do I hope mine will too. Sincerely, Old mom.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/23/2014

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Oh my god. Gaylynne, what paperwork did you sign that said you HAVE to enable your 42 year old son?

Good lord! He's a year younger that I AM!

Ladies, as long as you all keep thinking you need to pay for this, pay for that, provide for every little thing, you're going to have your adult kids in your home forever. QUIT ENABLING THESE BEHAVIOURS.

If your kids are on drugs, and they're over the age of 18, and they're in your home, YOU CAN BE PROSECUTED for aiding and abetting a criminal. And that is not the least of it either.

NO WONDER people now days think that every friggin thing needs to be handed to them. In the last two hours, I've seen nothing but "my adult kid" posts, and every single one of them is a laundry list of enabling behaviours by the parents.

IF YOU WANT YOUR LIFE BACK, TAKE IT BACK.

I'm 44 years old, have a 20 & 17 year old, and they're more mature and self sufficient than ANY of the ADULT kids i'm reading about on this website. Pathetic.

Rumonda - posted on 04/21/2014

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I have a boyfriend of 6.5 yrs. He called it quits because he says he is not about to house kids thats grown and dont help out. I understsnd that but at the time they were only 17 & 19. Now he left for a year now hes back although were living in seperate residences we started over. My girls are now 19 & 21 both with child. The 19 yr old has moved out and my 21 yr old is trying to figuire out her next move. He acts as if im supposed to just throw her out when she has no where else to go. Sad part about this story is he lives with his mom after he mived out of my house. Now hes 43 come on. Is it fair. He drives my car. . He borrows from me and he feels i do too much for my kids and say i wont let them grow up.my daughter and i talk alot byt i never share his thoughts. I jyst wanna be sure that when she does find structure and her own way she wont come back.

Gaylynne - posted on 04/21/2014

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Thank heavens I found this post, again, I'm struggling with depression because of my adult son, 42. Drugs, prison, won't work, now on disability. He's in massage school which I will have to pay for ($4K) then a place to stay if I want him out of here until he can earn his own money. Yet it seems the only way out for my husband and I. Get him where he can earn a little money and go (again). 10k this time around. I'm a month from social security and have been in this nightmare for over 30 years.

Jennifer - posted on 04/08/2014

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I am the originator of this post. And I have to tell you all, since I first posted my son has been in and out of my house numerous times. He is back in again but this time it is with a written contract that he is enrolled in college to obtain his degree. Now I understand this may take up to two to three years in order to accomplish.
But as I must say, since my original post, that times have changed. Where I live, most jobs that are attained are through a "temp" service. Since this is the case, there is no way to live on your own with the possibility of losing your job because the employment has ended.
Hence this is why I have pushed for further education. It is not like how we as adults found employment, we started a job and have been there for years or have retired since. I push him with an understanding that he knows I am tolerating his presence within my home. He respects that.
I think as human beings (or as parents) we need to understand the changes that have occurred in our life time. Jobs are no longer found "right out of high school" that we retire from. We are to push an education along with a "street smart", knowing how to spin what we already know into something else.
There is no need for "kid" gloves, there is nothing but reality outside of the big front door and we as parents have to at all times tell our children the reality of it all. Maybe not in such blunt terms, but as one human being to another.
Now on the edge of the coin, those parents with children that are abusing "illegal" substances, and are roosting on the couch, I believe the ultimatum is to happen. A swift kick in the pants or head (to them)may be beneficial to you and/or your relationship with your spouse. Never loose yourself and your relationship because of what your offspring is or is not doing. You can be both true to yourself and your child, and I say child because every mother out there still sees there 20+ or 30+ as their baby as I do but you have to grow beyond this. Never forget you still count!

Kirsty - posted on 03/28/2014

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Hi
I went through living hell with my 23 year old daughter but that's most likely a lot different to you with your son but all I can say is if it's not working out maybe he could think about renting or sharing a house with friends? I see you mentioned 'Again' so had he already moved out??

Joe - posted on 03/28/2014

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Anthony - 25? You are not much older than a child yourself and it will take some time for you to experience the real world outside of the liberal mecca of most universities. Bev has a 36 year old living at home like a child, that is wrong! It comes down to the brutal truth - As selfish as it sounds Bev's happiness is what's most important. I'm 44 years old, I've seen a lot. It's been my experience that at the age of 30 people are who they are, I have very rarely seen anyone change after the age of 30. At 36 this adult child is not going to change. It comes down to a matter of survival. Bev should put her happiness first. although it may just be better to set his stuff outside the house and change the locks on the doors, call the police if he refuses to leave property. Sometimes the best love is tough love.

Anthony - posted on 03/21/2014

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Bev - I am a 25 year old, university educated, male with degrees and biology and psychology. I don't plan on saying much other than that your post, and the parameters you place upon your "adult child," would make any PhD. level therapy concerned with YOUR mental health. Setting boundaries is one thing; so too is setting out expectations (even in writing or via a contract), but what you described offers the individual you are referring to no capacity for just that: individuality. And with that comes mistakes, misunderstandings, and allowing for space to determine the lifestyle that the aforementioned individual wants to live. I denounce what you wrote and that kind of "parenting," Your kid will undoubtedly resent you for many years -- and if you are okay with that, then you simply don't care about your offspring.

Anthony - posted on 03/21/2014

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Bev - I am a 25 year old, university educated, male with degrees and biology and psychology. I don't plan on saying much other than that your post, and the parameters you place upon your "adult child," would make any PhD. level therapy concerned with YOUR mental health. Setting boundaries is one thing; so too is setting out expectations (even in writing or via a contract), but what you described offers the individual you are referring to no capacity for just that: individuality. And with that comes mistakes, misunderstandings, and allowing for space to determine the lifestyle that the aforementioned individual wants to live. I denounce what you wrote and that kind of "parenting," Your kid will undoubtedly resent you for many years -- and if you are okay with that, then you simply don't care about your offspring.

Florida - posted on 03/20/2014

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I see that a lot of mothers have this issue with adult sons. I can rely to those posts. I have taken some notes, and believe that some posts are very helpful to help me identify that I have a problem. My son is 21, and he does not want to pursue more education. I have an issue with that. However, he is very helpful at home and respectful, but I do not want to keep him at home all my life, he has to learn to fly...

Virginia - posted on 03/13/2014

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to Yard, wow what a bitter sweet success story. You are such an inspiration, I am so sorry your Dad has mental health issues and your Mom is so submissive. You are an amazing young person, at least you have your intelligence and the drive to get out of that terrible situation. You should try to tell your story to young people. Unfortunately, you are far from being alone in your journey, I am sure if your tell your story to other young people who are suffering as you did they'll feel inspired and find the strength to get through difficulty . It's pity that you don't have your parents, but when you are ready to start your own family or love story you'll be able to be in family situation again. Unfortunately I don't think your parents have evolved any further than they did as you noticed when you went to visit them last. So turn your efforts towards building your own family. You know I lost my parents in my twenties, when you get married your wives parents become your new parents and your wives sisters and brother become yours too. So find the right person and getting married is another way to re-gain parents and siblings. For me these difficulties in life are part of our unique karma,these obstacles are here for us to learn something about our life. I truly believe that. Well congrats on your executive position you have deserved it - enjoy life now as much as possible.

Debbie - posted on 03/07/2014

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I too have a 22 yr old son,5yr,16 month old my 22 year old wont work because he suffers from anxiety disorder PTSD, Social Phobia so he says his mental condition will not allow him to get a job. I feel bad for him he is just here at home mind you we are all in a one bedroom apartment I am stressed out! any advice?

Jennifer - posted on 03/07/2014

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Honestly? The only way I know to keep your adult child away from "home" is to make them solely responsible for thier own fate.. In other words Pull the safety net out from under them and make them take care of themselves... As long as you allow them to fall back and rely on you they will continue to do so. Basicly they need to sink or swim!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/07/2014

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Wow...Have to say, with those rules, I would have left Bev's house as well!

Getting your college age kids to understand their responsibilities starts when they're born. If you consistently expect your kids to have and live up to responsibility, and continue to give them the tools to succeed, such as how to budget, how to determine need vs want...then there's no problem.

When my eldest graduated HS, he came to me and asked when I wanted him out. I told him that he was more than welcome to stay in our home, provided he was responsible for his share of food, mortgage, utilities, and extras. He wrote up a contract of how much he'd pay monthly (he got the figures from doing the math for the household). He included clauses for staying out, coming or going at odd hours, etc. They were all very reasonable.

He figured that his 'share' should equal 1/4 of the household expenses monthly. Since there were four of us in the house, that was agreeable, and the amount worked out to a little less than monthly rent & utilities at an apartment. He said that he would text or call if he would not be in, so that we wouldn't worry. Reasonable. He said that he would do his level best to not keep odd hours, and when he did have odd hours he would do his best to keep the disturbance down. Again, reasonable. He set a date by which he was to be permanently out. HIS IDEA. He said "mom, I love you but we both know we butt heads at times, and at some point, I need to go". I told him that we'd both know when we'd reached that point.

Now, before you start shouting that this is BS, and I'm a troll...here's how I did it: I expected my kids, from the time that they could understand simple directions, to take responsibility for themselves. As they grew up, those responsibilities changed, morphed, evolved so that they would be prepared to be on their own one day.

I also recognized that they're people. They're not my possessions, they're not my slaves, and they are not my minions, to be dictated to. Things like "you will NOT LEAVE until 30 minutes prior to your shift"...or "you will ONLY be allowed to eat warm food at regular mealtimes, the rest of the time, you will eat leftovers COLD"...LMAO...you do realize that you're speaking about your adult children, right? You'd seriously deny them the use of the stove because they didn't make it in the door at dinner time? Wow.

I found that, if I treat my sons as human beings, with opinions, and feelings, we get along much better. And, they still move out without any hassle, AND they're welcome to rent anywhere in town because they are known to take care of things correctly.

Barbara - posted on 03/05/2014

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I have a 22 year old who can't hold a job and have a 3 year.I have giving her to the end of the mouth to get it together but she still won't look for work. It's really stresses me out because she can go everywhere else but cant go get a job what shall I do.

Yard - posted on 02/28/2014

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Food for thought - here's the opposite side of this problem..

I am in my early 30s, and I am the son of a psychotic father who kicked me out of the house at 14 for "not having a job", his reasoning was when he was 10, he dropped out of school and worked to support his parents. He and my mother had many fights about the subject since the time I turned 9 or so, but as he was the sole provider of the family, and my mother was a malleable agoraphobe who was absolutely FRIGHTENED of the outside world, let alone having a job. She was afraid of him divorcing her and leaving her to the terrible world of independence, so I got the boot right around my 14th birthday (while I was still in middle school).

My grades plummeted. I went from a 4.3 GPA with multiple AP courses and several state-wide achievements in English mental Math to a .9 GPA and (literally) living on the street. I explained my situation with a manager at a local McDonald's and convinced them to hire me for as many hours as they could (I forged my parents' permission), as well as taking on every odd job I could under the table. I had no time to focus on my studies.

A friend at school's older brother was looking for a roommate, luckily, and I had a bedroom in a known drug house for only $250 a month (almost 3/4ths of my monthly salary). Year to year, I bounced around place to place, just BARELY scraping by academically, and just barely having anything to eat. Amazingly, I never tried drugs or anything of that sort - it didn't interest me. Somehow I graduated High School.

Thanks to my father and his insanity (and my mother for being an enabler and agreeing with his psychotic decisions) college was out of reach for me. I ended up moving all over the US - incredibly, I picked up a lot of high tech knowledge. At one point I fixed computers for side income, and found I had a knack for advanced computing concepts and electronics (it made sense, since I had scored 2nd highest in the state school system for mental math - to which my father responded by saying "second place is first loser").

Slowly I built up a formidable skill set, and now I am very successful, with a position of essentially upper management at an electronics firm. I tried to visit my parents, briefly, about 7 years ago - when I was around 24 - the first time I had really communicated with them since right around the time I graduated high school. All my father said to me was "Huh. I just figured you were dead by now" and closed the door on me. I remember my mom just shaking her head as he closed the door.

Take from this story what you will. I am not here to judge or prove any points, except to say I wish I had some form of family support network. Thanks for reading.

Danyell - posted on 02/21/2014

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my 20 year old bought his gf a 100. bracelet. then ddesided not to get up for work today . and my 17 year old never opened up drivers ed book to study. i told him i would take him for permit today. he never studied so i did not take him.today I went out and bought 3 bags and personal items deodorant etc brought them home to the boys told them you're done March 1st be out by 3 pm.my 20 year old that he's not leavingI hope I won't have to call the police

Coolaid - posted on 02/20/2014

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Simply remind yourself to again and again all day long that mom or dad is in charge of taking care of themselves. when these old children come to you with needs don't give it to them. go enjoy yourself as our time is all liited. their ind set is so entitled from what i hear. give the a mirror of what a therapist inside would say. you cannot give in. they have to go work harder to provide for themselves. there are no family pets because if the adult child can't feed their own face. then dont ask to have an animal. yeah its nice but big picture message is weak. silly clam up and go joing your age activity or do the repair of house or what ever turn you happy uz they aint going to. also those atm machines give out twenty dollars as lowest. i wish they would give out five dollars too cuz adult kids ask ad you only have 20 and it like that dont even appreciated like we did growing up these kids are entitled bratty without the formal title of Prince or Princess. No empathy fro them and they take and hardly give. ad get upset when thigs dont go well when they take. plus you really dont expect anything in return most of us will be ultiately cared not by blood relative. we can only be not mean spirited toward them but not available

Danyell - posted on 02/18/2014

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so alot of these storys sounds like mine and there are so many post ,way to many to read to find help. 17 and 20 year old boys. 20 yr old got in trouble with the law at 16, and could not pass a drug test .was sent to rehab. came home. got arrested for pot so i kicked him out. got gf pregnant came back home for awhile,then lived with gf dads house. got kicked out of there. he could not keep a job. stole money and checks from her dad. so 20 year old comes home steeals from me , drinks,smokes pot. works 4 hours a day. which i take him. watches his daughter argues with me non stop,slop. i kicked my 17 year old out 6 months ago hes even worse then my 20 year old minues the baby . i let him come back home too. i gave them both till march 1 to find somewhere to got thats 45 days . both do drugs, drink, no ambition to get a job or a better one,no education, licence, car. they both steal from me and others. and my boyfriend wont come here anymore because of them. my question is 45 days long enough. all my friends said i should not even allowed them to come back. but im there mom and it winter and cold.

Bev - posted on 01/26/2014

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Well, the step son won't be here long now, seems he hates my rules.

Wash your own dishes, any you leave will be in your bed after you go to work.

Be home 30 mins after your shift at work ends and, do not leave until 30 minutes prior to your next shift for ANY reason. If you do not abide, the doors will be locked and, you will stay outside until 30 minutes after your next work shift and, no I do not care what date, appointment or whatever else you might have agreed to, it isn't happening.

Do your own laundry, any not done by noon Saturday will go to the burn pile and, be ignited.

No access to anything in the kitchen except the refrigerator. If you cannot be here at meal times, you will eat leftovers and, you will eat them cold.

You will shower at precisely 7:35 to 7:45 AM (that's five minutes to 15 minutes after he is to be home form work.) Any other time, or longer time will result in me turning off the breaker to the well - no water.

You will feed your dog by 8:00 Am, if not I will immediately take her to the dog pound.

Any of your personal items left outside your room after 8:30 AM or before 7:30 AM will be removed form the property be that by burning them, escorting it or them to the police station, tossing them in the river, whatever means I feel will insure said items, animals or persons will not return.

Naturally I got told no one could live like that to which I replied, move out then, there is your car or a homeless shelter, or mooch off someone else. That or live by my rules in my house.

Patricia - posted on 01/18/2014

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what happen?, what happen to our children? where did we the adults, and the children of the late forties and fifties go wrong? where are the backbones that once held this country together? are they truly all dead? we have become a chain of weak links and our children seem to be playing on that image we have given them. but why? who bewitched us. dear country that I love, our children are not going to survive if we don't become a stronger hand and a firmer love, our children are depending on us to see them survive something sparing the rod is keeping them from doing and I don't mean beat them, I mean help them, they need a tougher love, they need us to fight for their future. and if you ask me what ideas can I come up with there are plenty, but what are our grown children willing to do to see any project through because from what I am seeing and what I am hearing they have already given up on themselves and their future generations. this is scaring me, because some of us have grandchildren who have self-centered and depressed parents, who rather quit then fight for a better future for themselves, never the less their off-springs, and that is scary.

Nancy - posted on 01/06/2014

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I have a Daughter a that is 19th and she thinks that I our her something? but I about a 2 years ago my daughter and husband was not getting along, so one day they both get into it so it go hot and they both. thing where said so time when by and my husband move out he had enough of it so then she told that that she. but I told her I need her help with rent and bills and that I cold not do it by my self and if she did like she would have to fine some where else to live, she lets me your kidding me out. I don't know what to do or say any more they I tell her Its time for me to live my live and she tell me you did I tell her No I put my live On hold you all of you

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