How do you prepare for the death of your child???

Ma. Victoria - posted on 05/18/2010

Pray hard, that GOD may give you strength if something happen.Always remember that our children are just borrowed from HIM.

Cheryl - posted on 05/18/2010

You don't!

You pray

You enjoy today.

You make her laugh

You laugh

You cry together

You hug each other

You enjoy a good meal together

You watch a movie together

You hold her hand



You know, that you know, that you know...it's in God's hands.



My heart goes out to ya! Really it does...

Our daughter was hospitalized at 19 mths & again 3 mths later. It was a light bulb moment for me. I realized I had to put myself last and her 1st. God gives us gifts and we should enjoy them while they last. YOU ARE A GREAT MOM!



I will pray for you both.

Prayers,

Cheryl

San Antonio, TX

Christine - posted on 05/18/2010

I don't know, but I will pray for you. I can't imagine going through that and hope that you have a very strong support system. Miracles happen, so let's get all of us moms praying at once.

Gina - posted on 05/18/2010

Hi Pam
I wish i coul dtell you that . I just turned 51 may 15. Wheni was 16 i lost a baby at 3 1/2 months SIDS. It wasn't well known back than so you were treated like a criminal. So i know that her name, birthday and time but nothing eles. it is to painful. I than lost on eof my twins at birth 2 years later. I feel your pain but there was no preparing for these. Check your church maybe the y have knowledge of groups that you can join who are dealing with this kind of loss . A support group if you will. Talk and talk and talk don;t think you hav eto go through this alone. I am sorry that you have to go through this , Take care
Gina

Paulette - posted on 05/18/2010

Some say they are borrowed from God.(I don't do religion, but I found a poem when my niece was very sick....) There is a beautiful poem with a title like that. You may be able to find it. Don't forget your tissues. x

Diane - posted on 05/18/2010

I am so sad to hear your story and wish I could take away your pain. There is no way to prepare for death. Use the love and support of your family and friends. Pray to God if you believe in him. My heart goes out to you.... I wish you the best!

Christine - posted on 05/12/2010

I can't even imagine how anyone could prepare for or even go through such a thing. I took my 16 year old daughter to get the cartlidge on her ear pierced, she got so worked up as she is so afraid of needles and the sight of blood makes her quizzy. My daughter's eyes ended up rolling back in her head, she fainted, her mouth turned blue and her body started to shake like she she was having a seizure, I panicked!!! Those few moments seemed like hours... I got so worked up I almost fainted and from then on I thought... My God... if I were to ever lose my child/children I don't know that I would survive through it! There is nothing like a mothers bond with her child and my heart goes out to you and any other mother who has lost a child or has a child with a major illness. I truly believe at a time like this... the only answers or peace you will truly find are from God... turn to him for answers & strength. God be with you and your family.

Misty - posted on 05/09/2010

Look, it is very normal to be thinking that way considering that death is the ususal outcome, but try to remain positive. My sister had open heart surgery at 18mths and she's alive and kicking at 31 years. On the other hand, you can't prepare for something that is so devastating. I, myself have lost 6 children, only one of them was alive before he died. It doesn't matter. You spend all your prenatal time wondering what they will be like, who they will favor, etc. Just hold on to hope. That's all we have for every day and that's all that matters in the end. Don't beat yourself up for it, just try to remain positive! Thank God for your child, ask him to bless her and keep her safe in His loving arms and give it all to Him. Let Him take over the worry, you just enjoy every minute of every day with that child whether it be 6 days, 6 years, or 60 years.

Cindy - posted on 05/07/2010

You can never be prepared when you lose a child. I just lost my daughter on feb 14 from aspirational pneumonia and even though she was 35 she was still my child who I cherished. I am not looking forward to Mothers Day, just not ready yet. You blame yourself, you question god and you go on. God knows you are mad at him and he understands. Its just when you see her child and know that he will grow up without a mom thats what hurts. I think all you can do is prepare for the things you can and let the rest go. Talk to friends and let them help you with the things you cannot do. Friends and family will be your saving grace when the time comes. LET THEM HELP!! I know I did and still am and I will for a long time to come. If you need to talk to someone talk and let them help you. I'll pray for you and hope it turns out ok for you.

Adrianne - posted on 05/07/2010

Oh my heart goes out to you! I don't think you can ever really prepare for the death of a loved one, particualrly a child. Cherish every moment now, and enjoy the little things... I am in Melbourne Australia. There is an organisation here called SIDS & Kids who publish some very helpful support material. I dont know if you can access/order them over the internet, but I would give them a try? I wish you much luck :)

Victoria - posted on 05/07/2010

IT'S NEVER EASY TO PREPARE FOR YR CHILD DEATH BEFORE YRS. I SUGGEST THAT YOU LOVE AND FOCUS ON BEING WITH YR BABY AND SPEND EVRY MINUTE AS IF ITS YR LAST ONE WITH HER. ALSO, HV FAITH AND TRUST IN THE LORD YOU BE SURPURISE WHAT OUR FATHER IN HEAVEN CAN AND WILL DO FOR US. OUR FATHER IN HEAVEN WILL GIVE US ANYTHING WE ASK FOR ALL YOU HV TO DO IS ASK. SHE DO NOT DESERVE TO BE TREATED LIKE SHE'S DYING LIVE,LAUGH,AND LOVE HER.

Debra - posted on 05/07/2010

Just wanted to say that God can make miracles happen, read the bible and it will open your eyes to all the miracles he performed.
People are quick to blame God but it's actually Satan that's to blame for a lot of things. Hugs to you and God bless

Teresa - posted on 05/06/2010

I am so sorry for you. I cant imagine what your going through. I really think that there is no way to prepare for something like that. All we can do is treasure every monent God gives us with our children. They belong to him and we just get to borrow them for a while.Love them and treasure every moment. Wishing you the best and you will be in my prayers.

Haydee - posted on 05/06/2010

Oh My God! I am so sorry to hear this! If you want to know what I think about your question just keep reading. Nobody gets really prepared for the death of a family member that you love from the bottom of your heart, that you care for and for whom you wish you could enjoy for many years to come.
I already went through my father and my mother death process. I thought I was prepared, ready for all… and you will find that you will never be ready for that loss. I read books, all kind of books; and I got to the point that I understood dying process. I suggest that you ask whatever Hospice Rep at the Hospital for help. They will give you advises and reading materials that would help you the most before this happens. Other very important thing you should do is praying and asking God for the strength you are needing now to overcome all what you are going through. I really wish that this would never happen anyway. .
Take care and be strong and hope for the best for her and you under any tuff situation.

Your friend, Haydee

Karen - posted on 05/06/2010

First of all, I am so sorry and my prayers are with you. From having friends who had both sudden and expected child deaths, you need to surround yourself with people who have no expectations. What I mean is noone who tells you how you should act, grieve, etc. You will go through it at your own pace and it could be a very long time. People need to not impose their own standards and expectations on you, just be there for whatever you need no matter when or how long from now. If you need to scream, vent, cry, laugh, whatever, it's really all about you. If they can't handle that, then find people who can. And you may need to be just that blunt in order to save your sanity and eventually move forward.



And also make people aware that it is OK to talk about your child. If, God forbid, the worst happens they still lived and had an impact on people's lives. So people need to acknowledge birthdays, death days, whatever because that child was important a a person and important to you and all whose lives they touched even though they are not physically on this earth.

Kathleen - posted on 05/06/2010

There is just no good way to prepare for the death of your child; whether it is expected or not. Surround yourself with loving and supporting people. If you have a faith in the Lord start praying for strength to get you through whatever happens. I unexpectedly lost my baby a year and a half ago. It's a crazy roller coaster ride of emotions. I needed all the love, hugs and support I could get. I leaned on my pastor as well. Sending you a big hug.

Nikki - posted on 05/05/2010

Pamela I am hesitant to even post a reply to your question. I only know that we all should put our faith in God and lean not on our own understanding. How old is your child ? My only experience with this is I carried twins (a boy & girl) to 5 months gestation and lost them. I had never known pain such as that and felt I was in the depths of hell at the time. My mind will rarely allow me to recall it as the pain was unreal. I did have a son born 3 months premature whom lived and I know only God has His reasons for all of it. I surely do not have a "answer" for you but I want you to know I am praying for you both this very moment. God will never put on you what you cannot handle. I hope and pray His Will is for life . God be with you ....Nikki Nixon

Jane - posted on 05/05/2010

Oh Pamela....I would not even know what words to use for you. BUT, try not to prepare....keep up the hope! Keep positive energy flowing through out you, your home, your child. You sound like such a realistic person, I think you'll know how to deal if the outlook is grim but I would never give up on the hope of recovery. You are just so brave to have even asked...if it were me, I'd be hiding in a corner. You will be in my thoughts through this difficult time. I will keep up the hope too....HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sue - posted on 05/05/2010

My heart goes out to you, your child and your family, you are in my thoughts,
kindest regards
S

Becky - posted on 05/04/2010

I don't know if you could ever prepare for that, I was told 28 years ago when my son was born that he probably wouldn't live through the night. He had heart problems also, tetrology of fallot. Anyway I can sort of relate, he had 5 surgeries before we brought him home at 3 mos, had open-heart at 2, 9 and last one when he was 19. The only way I got through all that was with my faith, I had a promise book and I quoted scripture's over him, I had to turn it over to God, because I couldn't handle the weight. Dr's would give me bad news or say this or that and I would listen but then say to myself "I'm not going to claim that for him!' My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family! HUGS!!!

Bridgette - posted on 05/04/2010

I suggest you try to live every day with out regrets when it comes to your child (Sorry shes so sick). Thankfully Im not in your situation (Id probably be in the nut house)

Kathy - posted on 05/04/2010

I have no advice, but sending lots of love and hugs.xxxx

Michelle - posted on 05/04/2010

I will keep your daughter in my prayers ((HUGS))

Tallie - posted on 05/04/2010

hon i'm not sure how old your child is but i do know no matter how young or old they are it is one of the hardest thing i have ever lived through.I dont push my reglion on anyone but i can tell you for me reading what God had to say about our children living and dying help me more than any other book i could have,& did read other books but that just didnt work for me. what i did do was accepted that i couldnt change the things that was happing that was 1 of the hardest part and i prayed day and nite that he didn't have to suffer and stay in pain 24/7. this i do know God took my child[3 of them] 1 before i was able to even hold her in my arms,1 i did get to hold for a few hours1 i had for a few years.but i am so thankiful i did get to know them.that the joy i had for a short time,was better than never knowing and loving them. i honestly believe they are in a better place and they suffer no more.they are out there playing with God and his angels.that he is better with them in heaven than on earth with me in that pain and suffering that was killing him and me. you and your child will be in my prayers,thoughts and my heart.i wish there was something i could say to make it easier but theres not.but you also have to believe your child may have a reason to be here and by some mircle she/he may come out of this better than anyone could and would.put your faith in God and believe with all your heart and soul God gave her/him to you for a very speacil reason!!!! And he/she may be here to take care of you when you are older,i pray that God,s will be done. God's speed with you always and forever

Zita - posted on 05/03/2010

Just want to send you a big ((((hug)))).

Rita - posted on 05/03/2010

I agree w/the ladies get in to a support group,Its all good advice.Keep the Faith...God Bless you and your family

Lola - posted on 05/03/2010

I agree with the others. It is very good advise. I also know that most of the time we are always asking GOD way. I know that in this time of your life you may not want to hear this but, GOD is the only only one that really help you get through this. You must believe in him and keep parying for the understanding of way this is happening. God has his reasons for everything. We may not agree with what He is doing but, at the same time He is the only one that really knows what is a head of all of us. You and your daughter is both in my prayers. God bless you both. I know how this must make you feel. I have not lost a child however, I did just loose a younger sister and I know what I am going through and I see my mother. The only real thing that helps me get through it, is knowing that she is now in Heaven with our LORD and she is no longer in any pain and she is now enjoying that beautiful place that GOD has promised all of us that believe and serve Him. When my sister passed away on April 12, 2010 I had just been in to see her an hour before she died. She had seemed to be doing ok. but, she decided to pull her vent tube and then her heart stopped. I think that between her and God she was ready to go home to Him. After they took her off the machines and got her cleaned up I was able to spend some alone time with her. That really helped me too. I talked with her and sang to her and prayed. I am so thankful to have had those last minutes with her. I am so sorry that you and your family are going through this. It must be really hard because she is still a baby. I hope that I was able to help you some. Just remember to pray and talk to God and spend every waking minute with your daughter. She is very precious. Trust in the LORD. He knows what is best. You and your family are in our prayers. If you do not mind I will pass on a prayer request to our Church. Tell your daughter that She is an ANGEL FROM GOD. Again I hope that I have helped in some way. If I have upset you in any kind of way, I'm sorry.

Linda - posted on 05/03/2010

Hi Pamela nothing can prepare you for the death of your child. I know from experience as I lost my son Daniel when I was 25 weeks pregnant. He will be 20 the end of this month. I was in hospital for 6 weeks before I lost him and I was told to prepare for Daniel not to survive. I pray for you and your family having to know that maybe she will not survive. Even after 20 years it can be hard to know that you will not get to see your child grow up. All you can do is take each day as it comes.
Linda

Patti - posted on 05/03/2010

Depending on where you live there are several different places that can help you. Contact the case worker at your hospital and ask to speak to someone in the Hospice Unit. They have several different references to help you.. Contact the Make a Wish Foundation in your area they will also have places that can help you cope with the possible loss of your child.

Patricia - posted on 05/03/2010

I am afraid that you can not prepare for the death of a child alone. what you need is a circle of supportive people be it friends and family or councelling. I say this because I had no support and turned into a very angry person for many years. Your reaction may be different than anger but I do not believe that it can be done without an adverse reaction of some sort unless you have an outlet. Keeping it inside is definately not the way to go. I also know a woman who had a 3 year old facing his eminant death of heart operations but what happened next was her 7 year old died of cancer then he passed on the next year. Then divorse...yes a mother needs supportive people.