How do you stop 3 adult daughters from involving you in there battles?

Michele - posted on 09/04/2009

Well, I had to deal with this with my mother...she would have a problem with one of my brothers and then get me in the middle of it. I finally told her, I was sorry to hear about the problems, but I didn't have a problem with her, and I didn't have a problem with them, so the best way for that to remain, was for me to not get involved when it didn't affect me or my family directly. If you tell each of them that, and explain it's just that you don't want to damage your relationship with any of them, they should be mature enough to understand--I suggest trying to find that golden moment when they aren't in the midst of a fight though to tell them you have turned over a new leaf:)

Sarah - posted on 09/03/2009

tell them nope don't put me in the middle of anything and when everyone gets together at youre house there is no fighting or bad words said to anyone. the law at my house it works i've did it

Tamera - posted on 08/20/2009

Everyone here has basically stated the same thing in a different way. The hardest thing as a mom is to step back and let our children 'fall and learn.' When your kids were in the house, I'm sure you didn't put up with it, and you shouldn't now either. Just stick to your guns and they will realize who is the boss. :)

Lisa - posted on 08/19/2009

Pretty much just tell them the exact truth like your wrote it here. Add that you love them each, but that your role in life is not The Referee, that they are grown women and that you can't be comfortable being dragged into the middle since it jeopardizes your own relationship with each of them, because if you agree with one, it's gonna hurt/anger the other and it's not fair to you, since you've nothing to do with whatever they're arguing about. Just always have the response ready at your fingertips: "Sorry, honey, but that has nothing to do with your and mine relationship, so I can't really comment because I don't want to get in the middle; now if you want to discuss something that pertains to you and me, fine, but otherwise...sorry, yall figure it out amongst yourselves, you're old enough for that now."

Becky - posted on 08/18/2009

Get yourself an iPod, bigger & better than theirs of course. My girls use theirs to ignore me all the time. I'm sure they don't even have it on half the time?! They'll never know if it's on or not...just bob your head every once in awhile and act oblivious to what they're up to.

OR

Here's my mantra with my three girls, the ones left at home that is.... Doesn't apply to every situation, but usually applies to most in this house.

Fair is not equal

And equal is not fair

It works as they just roll their eyes and walk away....leaving me in peace!

You can add little witty things every now and again (i.e., don't compare your insides to her outsides, be happy where you're at now as sooner v. later you'll wish you were back here, blah, blah, blah).

I say it so much I sometimes have to consciously stop myself from saying it to strangers bickering in line at the grocery store!! Ooops! :p





Whatever you end up doing...good luck to you!

Amy - posted on 08/18/2009

This is easier said then done but here goes.... stop allowing yourself to be put in that position. They know you will listen and make comments about what is going on with them. Being a mother who finds it hard to keep her mouth shut I had to just stop listening and commenting which meant I had to remove myself from the drama and let everyone sort out their own mess. If you are not there then you can't be put in the middle. It is hard and takes a lot of practice but I did it ... You can too (with practice)

JANICE - posted on 08/16/2009

I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU .I HAVE 3 SISTER'S AND WE DID THE SAMETHING TO OUT MOMMA! SHE LOST her battle with a rare lung dis. in feb. and we are still fighting

w/eachother .poor momma ,I'm so sorry she had to go thru all thst,tell them from someome who knows ,we don't always have our momma's to fight our battles & keep

peace ,better get along now & have no regreats when it's to late.i wish I could make it better it was her wish in her journal ,that she hoped we would find peace w/1 another but she prob.ly would not see it. she was right & yet it still happens? if only we could learn to agree to disagree & let it go. as a mother I know it is our hope that all our children love 1another. tell them it's not to late ---yet! good luck and prayers are w/u

Deena - posted on 08/15/2009

Just my two cents worth here, but they are all grown, and I would remind them of that fact and then just don't say another word about whatever they're fighting over. You can control what you say and do, not them at this point. I wouldn't let it go on around me though...that I would just ask them to leave.