How does a Mom let go and not worry when her son moves so very far away?

Brenda - posted on 11/17/2009 ( 50 moms have responded )

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My son Aaron(22) has moved to North Carolina and I am heart broken...is this normal girls?

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Mary - posted on 01/12/2014

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I have only one child. He just graduated from college in the same city where we live. Although he lives in the apartment near the university, he comes home every weekend to visit and to have dinner with us. I always look forward in the weekend when my son comes home. I feel complete having our son with us. I can feels his presence when ever he is home. Our house feels like a home. He is everything any parents would wish for a son.
Yesterday, my son relocated to San Francisco for his first job. It is devastating to see him go knowing there will be no more weekend dinner for us all. That weekend will turn to months or year to be able to see him again. But what keeps us going are the following:
1. Our son is looking for a better future which is not available in this community. We want him to advance in life because we don't want him to be like me or his dad.
2. Our faith in the almighty God helps us specially me who is more emotional get through because I knew the almighty God will hear our prayers to protect and guide him what ever he do or where ever he go.

I think prayers is very powerful to help us in daily life.

But I am in the same page heart broken just like all the moms in this circle. We all love our children or child very much but we should not be selfish just for ourselves but think of their good future. We have to pray that our kids are always safe and healthy wherever they are.

Mom from Tallahassee, Florida

[deleted account]

Yes, being broken hearted is very normal when a son moves away. I went throguh it twice; once when he left home for Uni and then stayed in the city and then when he married and had another woman to talk to, not me. It's just grief and you may need a counsellor, if you find you can't get past letting him go. Our children are given to us to raise, but we raise them to be their own persons and if we have held them too tight, letting go is agony. Can you give him to God to look after? Are you that way inclined? I found that worked for me, but it took a while to stop yearning for him.

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Teresa - posted on 05/10/2014

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I live in Southern California, my Son and his ozzie wife of whom he met on-line and Married in 2008 moved to her Country and had my two Grandchildren. Right now, I can't stand the pain of them so far away. :'(

Mary - posted on 11/05/2013

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My husband and I are planning to move BACK to St. Louis from Cedar Falls Ia where we have lived for all but the first 3 months of my son's life. We won't be leaving for 2 yrs (when my son graduates high school) but he says he won't go with us. I think it's due in part to wanting to be close to his "girlfriend" but he says it's cuz he doesn't like big cities and wants to be close to his friends. He is my only child and I am heart broken in addition to being concerned for his well being. Am I wrong for wanting to go back to my family in STL after having sacrificed what will be 17 years at the time of the move?

Mary

Ana - posted on 07/10/2013

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My Son is 20 years old and just left to Alberta from Ontario for work. He just finished college and is a license mechanic. I am completely heartbroken and miss him to death. I cried the entire day he left. I could not stop. I still am crying today and he hasn't even gotten to his destination yet. Its nice to know that I am not the only mom going through this because I was thinking I was being ridiculous but its just what moms do....worry. I know eventually they move on, I just never thought it would be that far away so soon. I only got 3 weeks notice. In my heart I think he will come back eventually. but having him everyday here and now I can't see him for months and longer is tough as nails. I plan on talking to him everyday no matter what.

Sue - posted on 04/14/2013

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Hi Brenda, how are things going today? This is happening to me as we speak, my son is moving south and I feel so sad, but he is an adult and I need to understand that, but letting go of such a wonderful son is very difficult for me to be here and he be there.
Hope things are positive for you now, and I pray that with time, I will be able to move forward and accept his decisions.

Robin - posted on 11/24/2009

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Hello sweet mom, I know how it hurts. I had 5 children, all grown up now. My youngest will turn 20 in a couple days. Imade it through the teen years woohoo. But my youngest son joined the Army 5 years agoe and he lives in WA now with his wife and 2 boys. I live in Maine. I cry all the time because I miss him so much. 5 years, I dont know whats wrong with me. But that boy has a place in my heart that just ..... I dont know. When he first left I was a wreck. The only thing that helped me Im sorry to say was smoken weed. I dont smoke any more. But at the time it was the only way for me to stop crying. Im doing much better now but I still feel the pain of him being so far away, infact writting like this ....tears are rolling. Why dose it have to be this way I dont know, It must just be Love ha. Tell me how you are doing anytime. I think it helps to talk some one who knows how it is, ok Robin

Paula - posted on 11/23/2009

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Hi,I don't think a mom ever stops worrying about her children. I have a 31 and 30 year's and I have never stopped worrying about them.I think that's why God made moms.

Lena - posted on 11/23/2009

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Yes Brenda it is normal and I have been heart broken since 2006, its gets better with time but just always keep in touch and make him call you every week so you can feel a little better. But its heard to let go and with me its always something I see that remind me of our time together and I still get emotion to this day just keep the love going and always be there when he needs you even if its just to talk or need money,wish is always the case but loving it.

[deleted account]

omg my son is 22 and is talking about moving to north carolina.we have had a huge arguement and he is staying with sister it is breaking my heart. my mother always said they walk on youre toes when they little and walk on youre heart when grown.

Jeannie - posted on 11/23/2009

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yes it is. we have always lived near our kids. but when we moved back 2 nj, my youngest son stayed in sc w/ his wifw & children. its very hard and i miss him sooo much, hes my baby (28 yrs.old) but i talk 2 him almost every day and i do talk to my daugther-in-law every day about my grandbabies, they have 5. but is do still miss him awfully. but just to talk to him as much as possible and that will help because that will give u peace of mind that he is OK. hope this helps alittle.

Connie - posted on 11/23/2009

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Yes it is quite normal. My son is 26 and in Fla. And you never stop worrying. I learned how not to worry as much. When he was here I think I worried more because I saw things on a daily basis that made me worry more. Now that he is so far away I have to take his word for it that he is doing alright. And most times you can hear it in their voices if they are not alright, that's when we get to give them the 3rd degree, lol.

Debora - posted on 11/23/2009

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I pray a lot, but i miss both my sons. My oldest moved 13hrs away and i know the only way i'll ever get to see him is if he comes to visit me now. My youngest is about 4.5 hrs away and i get to see him 3/4 times a year. Absence does not make the heart grow fonder... we still miss our "babies" no matter what age they are!

Mary A - posted on 11/22/2009

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I AM GLAD TO KNOW I AM NORMAL AFTER ALL THESE YEARS I HURT BAD EVERY TIME MY4 BABIES LEFT HOME, THEY ALL ARE GROWN, GOOD LIFE, BUT WILL ALWAYS MISS THEN! AND THEY LIVE SO FAR AWAY ! I DO LEAVE THEN IN GOD HANDS ALWAYS. THANKS A MOM IN TEXAS MY OLDEST IS 45 YRS YOUNGEST 35 YRS

Mary A - posted on 11/22/2009

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Quoting LOUISE:

Hi Brenda, yes of course its normal, my son is 31 and has just moved from London to Australia with his partner. Ok he didnt live with me but its still devestating, and now my daughter 21 is moving next weekend from London to Manchester. This has all happened in the last 4 months. To be honest i could very easily be an emotional mess but have to keep looking at it in the positive. I have bought up mainly on my own, 2 very independant, confident, happy children. Im giving it 6 months and then going to revaluate my life too. All of my adult life has been devoted to my kids and now im looking forward to starting a new life, just for me. Of course i still worry about my kids, but they are adults now and the orries are different. So please dont ever think your alone in these feelings, just try and put a positive stamp on it, pat your self on the back for doing such a good job and keep telling your self how very proud you are of your sons decison to move away and move on to the next chapter in your life.
Good luck
Louise x


 

Tamasha - posted on 11/22/2009

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It's normal. My only son (an only child) moved back to his hometown of St. Louis, MO, after I relocated from there to Mississippi. He tried to deal with small town life as long as he could, but he finally had enough and moved, at the tender age of 18. He just turned 19 and I've gotta tell you, I miss him like crazy!!! I keep hoping wishing that I'll look up and see him at the door one day. The good news is that the holidays are here, so I'm gonna keep hope alive, that wishes and dreams come true... :O)

Tina (Tia) - posted on 11/22/2009

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I'm going through the same thing,my son moved to Indiana,I live in Buffalo, NY. It's very hard my first time granddaughter is there also, the best invention I found was the webcam, If I didn't have that I don"t know what I would do. My son is 26, believe me it gets better.

Joyce - posted on 11/22/2009

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It is very normal, my son has been gone from home for years he has two children and just recently went to Japan, his wife is airforce, sometimes I think I'll just go crazy, but we must take one day at a time, pray and let them lead their lives

Michelle - posted on 11/22/2009

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Quoting Brenda:

How does a Mom let go and not worry when her son moves so very far away?

My son Aaron(22) has moved to North Carolina and I am heart broken...is this normal girls?



Yep, its very normal. My youngest son just moved out 3 months ago, and he only lives 20 minutes away, but he is also 18, and into partying..I worry about him nonstop..My oldest daughter moved to Texas for 3 months, and I called her everyday..Shes back home now, but dredding the day she leaves again.

Rose - posted on 11/22/2009

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It is natural and a part of life that we will miss our kids when they move away. My son moved only a mile away and I miss him. Just keep in touch with him as much as he allows you to. My son and I call each other every chance (every day) we have just to say Hi! and tell each other that we love one another. It seems we see each other and talk now even more than when he lived at home. Just call him and tell him you miss him without making him feel guilty and tell him how much you LOVE him! Good Luck!

Diana - posted on 11/22/2009

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Hi Brenda, Yes this is normal but it gets better in time, you have to start doing other things (hobys) to take your mined off it. till one day ot becomes normal that he is no longer around all the time. My son mouved out two years ago at the age of 17 , he joind the Canadian Army and my heart almost stoped. He know lived 6 hours away, and i'm getting used to not having him at home. But with the phone and inernet it is easier.

[deleted account]

YES!!!!!!! It is very normal. My baby left home at 20 and moved to TENN. and i live in S.C. And that was a year ago. And i still find myself crying at times and i think i will miss her forever.

Shelby - posted on 11/21/2009

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Normal? God help us all with defining normalcy... From the moment your boy was born I'm sure that overwhelming feeling of love, joy, and responsiblility took over every fiber of your body. Your job, which I'm sure you did superbly was to be his mother, you're still doing that, have no regrets. Your love is still what he needs, your understanding of him becoming a man is what he gets when you gently pat him on his back as he goes to find his own way. Remember, distance makes the heart grow fonder. And now you get to experience road trips in a new way.............. enjoy the time you have now in finding you again.....

[deleted account]

I hope it's normal! Our son moved out at 21 -- just up the street. It was hard on us both, but a needed step in his growing up. He then moved to Washington (see...there's this girl....)
They are up the street now, but are planning to move to Philadelphia. Oh, my heart....

BUT...that's our job -- to raise them to the point where they can take care of themselves and then let them go.

Lo - posted on 11/21/2009

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It's normal. My son Matt (age 27) moved to TX over the summer. I was heartbroken too. Try to see if he'll use a cell phone so you can stay in touch with him easier. My son moved back and now lives nearby.

Alana - posted on 11/21/2009

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yes, you are indeed "normal". (of course i call normal a cycle on my washing machine) My daughter and her family were stationed in Germany about 3 years ago. I think I cried for a whole year. It gets easier. When she comes back stateside, she'll live in Texas and that's not so far away. Not like Germany. I live in Georgia.

Joyce - posted on 11/21/2009

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Dear Brenda, I'm not where you are yet...but my day is coming. I have 6 sons and 2 daughters and my 20 yr old told me this week, he'll be moving out in January on good terms! Since I've journaled through many years of my life, I'm planning on continuing the habit I have of writing to them in my journal and maybe someday, they'll know how much I loved them and thought about them. Maybe not. I don't know...but it sure does help me to express all my mommy issues without bugging them too much! I know we have to let them go in some ways so they can learn to fly on their own and build nests of their own but they'll never outgrow our love for them. If I could send you a blank journal I would, and I'd entitle it "Dear Aaron" just for you!! God Bless You!

Lesley - posted on 11/21/2009

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Hi there, I can relate to how you feel, and unfortunately letting go has to be done, no matter how hard it is. My son and I were joined to the hip his whole life, he's a dancer and has traveled all over since he was 6. My days were driving him here and there, flying all over with him etc....When he turned 19 he began his professional career and went to work on the cruise ships...yup very tough. But I stayed strong as I didn't want it to be hard on him. He is now in Japan for 9 months, will come home and then god knows where he'll go. Thank god for the internet and web cams etc. We have daily contact so I can still be a mom...reminding him to eat his veggies, take his vitamins etc.. Sometimes while he's cooking his meals we chat by webcam and he's proud to show me his new cooking techniques LOL

So..it is totally normal to be heart broken, our children are our hearts, but hang in there you'll be ok, just keep the communication going.



Lesley :-)

Deedra - posted on 11/21/2009

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when our children are born it is only for a short time that they are young and as they get older you have to let up some, don't hold on so tight to them because they do get older.I know it's hard but what can we do. you know what you do find something that keeps you busy. as time go on it gets a little better. but just trust that where he is god is watching i will pray for you .you have a bless one

LOUISE - posted on 11/21/2009

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Hi Brenda, yes of course its normal, my son is 31 and has just moved from London to Australia with his partner. Ok he didnt live with me but its still devestating, and now my daughter 21 is moving next weekend from London to Manchester. This has all happened in the last 4 months. To be honest i could very easily be an emotional mess but have to keep looking at it in the positive. I have bought up mainly on my own, 2 very independant, confident, happy children. Im giving it 6 months and then going to revaluate my life too. All of my adult life has been devoted to my kids and now im looking forward to starting a new life, just for me. Of course i still worry about my kids, but they are adults now and the orries are different. So please dont ever think your alone in these feelings, just try and put a positive stamp on it, pat your self on the back for doing such a good job and keep telling your self how very proud you are of your sons decison to move away and move on to the next chapter in your life.
Good luck
Louise x

Betty - posted on 11/20/2009

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Letting go of a child no matter what age is always a heart wrenching thing. I am a mother of 2 young adults, send daughter off to college, she is a sophomore now and I still miss her terribly! Keep your chin up and remember we were their age once and wanted to spread our wings. We must let them spread theirs...sad as it may be. God bless. Betty

[deleted account]

The consensus is in - it's normal. Both of my sons went into the Marines and over seas. My baby went to Afghanistan for 6 months. It became a lesson in letting go. What's not normal is to hang onto the grief you feel for a very long time or to allow it to interfere with you living your life. We teach our children by example. Let's teach them how to be happy.

Barbie - posted on 11/20/2009

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Of course it is. When my youngest son moved out, he moved from our home in Texas to California. Its been almost 3 yrs, now. As much as I miss him & worry about him, he has done fine out there. I do hope eventually that he'll move back to Texas, again. He is supposed to come in December for a few days visit. He wants to introduce me to the girl he wants to marry. Thank goodness he's coming to visit, I've really missed him. My other 3 children all chose to live locally here, & he is my baby. So, needless to say, I'll be very happy to see him, again.

Laura - posted on 11/20/2009

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Normal indeed. Being a parent is the most rewarding and yet most difficult role we have in life. The constant, never ending worry for them and loss we feel when they grow up and move away is just the price we pay. All we can do is love them, equip them and set them free when they are grown. Feel fortunate when they do move on to live their life independent of you because it just shows you did them right.

Robin - posted on 11/20/2009

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Well tough one my son is 28 and i still dont want to let go! You will never worry about your kids 1

Phyllis - posted on 11/19/2009

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I think so. I have 2 grown sons, ages 30 and 27 and they both live 1500 miles away. They made their choice to go back with their dad in their teens. It was heart breaking for me as well. I still had my daughter though, until now. She's almost 19 and has a baby of her own and getting married soon. She just graduated from high school in May and is going to college now. She only lives 65 miles away, but I miss her terribly and now my little grand daughter too. So, the bottom line is, I think it's completely normal that you feel the way you do about your son moving away, no matter how old he is.

[deleted account]

Of course it is--my sons both moved out at the same time into their own places. I
guess there really is truth in the empty nest syndrome

I - posted on 11/19/2009

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i have been through it 3 times, and now my youngest is joining the army,

just live them think of them and pray for them, you will always be their mother and they can not take that away from you. sooner or later they will realize just how important MUM really is

Gloria - posted on 11/19/2009

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Hi Brenda, I totally understand what are going trough, I live in California and my son now 22 is in Japan since he was 19, I know he is doing very god and start a new family with a gorgoeus 3 month old boy who I bearly see, but that is life, one day we did the same thing now is our turn, we miss them of course they are part of our lives, just stay in touch the interrnet and the web cam are the best way to be close to them, talk to him as he is just right there, pray for him and bless him and let him fly is time. Wish you the best.

Wanda - posted on 11/19/2009

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My 21 year old daughter got married last month and moved to Nebraska, from North Carolina, with her husband who is in the Air Force. She is my baby and I cried like a baby myself. We talk every night but I still worry about her. I had to put her in God's hands and know that He will protect her when I can't. It has not been easy letting go but she will be home in 3 years when her husband's time in the Air Force is over. Every day that she is there is a day closer she will be home. Pray and the Lord will help you get through this tough time.

Joni - posted on 11/19/2009

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Most Definately Normal. I have three boys (young men) in their twenties. I happen to have remarried and moved only three hours away and It kills me not to see them everyday. Besides they are starting their adult lives and are too busy for their mom. Very few calls and even fewer visits. I have been told this is normal too for young men. It still hurts. I miss them dearly. I was also told when they grow and get settled possibly with a girlfriend or wife that they come back to us. I surely hope so. You are Totally Normal.

Kim - posted on 11/19/2009

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Give him 2 God, hold on 2 ur faith and trust that the values & morales instilled in him thru u will render.

Frances - posted on 11/19/2009

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Of course it's normal! When my daughter moved out of the house, just to an apartment in the same town, I was heartbroken - my baby girl was growing up. Of course, I was proud of her at the same time. My heart is still broken for my son, but that's a different story. I think it would be not normal if your heart wasn't broken. Give it time, things will get better for you.

Jeannie - posted on 11/19/2009

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I must say it is but have faith he will know what to do...you did your best to raise him now he has chosen to make you proud....my son moved from FL to LA

Peggy - posted on 11/18/2009

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My son moved to North Carolina 8 years ago... I thought I would die. Went 1 year without seeing him. We are now closer than ever. We talk at least 3 times a week. He comes home two or 3 times a year. He is happy and I had to learn to let him go so he could be happy.. Hope this helps. It's not easy!

Dawn - posted on 11/18/2009

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It is so very normal. My son Joe(25) lives in Alabama which is about 12 hours away from us. He has been on his own for a number of years now. I still worry about him every day. I believe that is just part of being a mother. We are always to worry about our children even when they are grown.

Carolyn - posted on 11/18/2009

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I really wish it weren't normal. Both of my sons, 25 and 24, live out of state and have for the last 3-5 years. They are both in the army and have spent time in Irac, Korea, and now Afganistan. Both are married and each have two children and I still miss them every minute of every day. I pray constantly that they will decide to move closer to their poor old Mom. They have both grown up into wonderful productive MEN and I am so PROUD of them both. I think missing them is just a part of our growing up. Good luck and remind him always how proud you are of him and how much you love him.

Ann - posted on 11/18/2009

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Hi Brenda, This all sounds familar...I have a 16 year old daughter who I know will probably not stick around Michigan once she graduates and attends college. I cried at my oldest daughters graduation and I'm sure I'll cry at this one too. It's okay to be sad, especially since Aaron was a big part of your life. Just think of life's adventures that he'll experience and perhaps you need to find a way to keep in touch such as a webcam on a computer so you can see that he's doing alright. Facebook is a good way to keep up on what is going on in his life. You didn't mention the reason for his leaving so I assume he left on a good note!!

Kim - posted on 11/17/2009

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ITS NORMAL TO MISS HIM AND WORRY ABOUT HIM BUT WE HAVE TO LET THEM GROW UP AND BE THEIR OWN PERSON AND BELIEVE THEY WILL DO THE RIGHT THING. MISS HIM AND LOVE HIM GIVE HIM YOUR SUPPORT. HE WILL LOVE AND APPRECIATE YOU FOR IT.

Shella - posted on 11/17/2009

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I think it is definitely normal. My son moved from California to Utah when he was 19. I still worry about him even though he has done wonderful. He is 27 now and has a beautiful wife and a gorgeous daughter. Just because our children grow up... doesn't mean we worry any less... Just a different type of worry lol Good luck!

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