How to get over a 40 year old sisters betrayal?

Elizabeth - posted on 06/11/2010

If, as you say, your sister is bipolar and schizophrenic, then it becomes a question of pity and compassion for a very sick woman. Being angry never solves anything, but causes everything. I do have a question for you "have you thought that your sister has munchausen by proxie syndrome"? It sounds to me she may have rather than the former. You can find thousands of web sites on this subject. A person with this disease wants and needs all the attention on themselves, even it means hurting those we love. People start aahing them to death, you know, ah poor woman look what she dealing with and so on. As to your mom, she is very sick and the stress she is under because of this can't be good for her, certainly if you hope she gets better. Also, if she doesn't have a lot of time left, knowing this is going on isn't making her last day very happy. So, please deal with mom then deal with your sister. But, check into munchausen by proxie I believe you will recognize your sister as having it. I will pray for you all. Good luck and let me know what you have found. Liz:}

Louise - posted on 06/10/2010

Wow that is really rough! Me personally, I would stay away from my sister because she is damaging your famly structure. I understand your mum is very ill and that you are trying to keep things calm for her sake but what happens when your mum passes? Your dad is going to find out at some point and he is going to go nuts that everybody knew accept for him. I don't think he will welcome your sister into his house after that. You really do not need this kind of pressure on your family, mud sticks no matter how innocent you are. I hope you can put this behind you and move on, you are a better person than I if you can forgive your sister, what she is doing at present is unforgiveable especially with your mum so sick. This is the time for family to pull together not pull each other apart. I wish you well for the future and hope you can find the strength to deal with your mums illness and patching your family back together. Good Luck!

Marionharris - posted on 06/09/2010

2 of my 4 sisters went to a couselor who told them they had been sexually abused by my parents even though they had no memory of it. My sisters believed the counselor and another sister sided with them. My family was divided in 2 and it is the most devastating thing I had ever been through. It completely destroyed the innocence of my childhood and nearly killed my parents. However, my parents continued to love and reach out to my sisters when they could. Three years later, my sisters admitted that they were wrong. God had worked in their lives and they admitted they were wrong. My parents forgave them and our family has slowly healed. I have had a much harder time forgiving them. My father's unconditional love for them has been such a perfect reflection of God's love for us. He never gave up hope. It has been 15 yrs since this happened. Both my parents are now gone and my sisters and I are close again. I know your sister has problems and you may never be able to trust her. But please work on forgiving her. The hate I felt for my sisters hurt me and my family (parents, husband, children). I also lost my faith in God. But God is still there for you, just as he was for me. You and your family will get through this. Keep your daughter safe and dont let fear defeat you. You are in my prayers.

De Arya - posted on 06/08/2010

Thanks ladies, I am getting there through lots of support from my family and friends. I know I have to find a way to forgive her, not for her but for myself. It is a process that will take time. This summer my daughter and I are traveling to California and Oklahoma to visit family. I believe a healthy healing step and some good mother daughter time.
I will not let this eat me alive. I have always been a fighter and a survivor. I have a great community and church to lean on. I just have to grieve the loss of a sister I loved.
Thank-you for the bible quotes they really helped. I believe in God and know he is with me now. I know he does not put on you more than you can take, I just with sometimes he would not trust me so much.

Mary - posted on 06/08/2010

You have to believe in the truth and know that people who know YOU know the truth also. Your sister sounds like she has severe mental issues and is delusional. I've learned through my own experiences from a father who had dementia, that they can say and do very hurtful things that can lasts for years. He has been deceased for over 5 years and I am now just forgiving him and trying to remember the "good" dad he was at one time. To quote Jesus, "Forgive them father, for they know not what they do." It will only help YOU in the end. You don't have to forget, but it will eat you up if you do not find a way to get through this.

Sandy - posted on 06/04/2010

I was hurt by my day care providers. To this day I do not know to what extent they might have hurt my boys (they did not abuse them, but they did not make good choices in handling discipline, etc.) They asked my family to leave. To add to the hurt, they were members at the church my husband and I attended. We decided to leave the church, but the minister wanted to bring us together and talk, because for us to leave would be like getting a divorce from the family. We tried, but it didn't get anything worked out, in fact I walked out of the meeting and kept walking, throwing my bible in the street and turning my back on God. To make a long story short, God put me in a position that forced me to read my bible and the studies in it - studies on spiritual depression, forgiveness, bitterness, and God's pursuit of me. I was able to work through my anger and hurt and I was eventually able to forgive this couple, even though at the time they did not apologize. Were we best friends after this? No, but we were able to be at church functions together and be nice to one another. You need to seek out God and His help and His wisdom. A therapist is fine, but if you could find a Christian one, even better. You will never heal completely from this until you find forgiveness through God. True strength for your family will only come from God.