Husband left after 25 years. Starting over ...

User - posted 2 days ago

I want to say thanks to agumagu spell temple for everything so far. To everyone who doesn’t believe in spell, I was one of those ones at first. I wasn’t quite sure if I wanted to do this since I’ve tried others so-called spells casters and they did not work and was a waste of my time and money. However, when I read through the testimonials of other people at this website and after I talked to Dr Agumagu who answered all my questions and was very nice about everything, I decided to give it a try. I figured it would be my last try to get my guy back. So my story is that I was at my office when the guy I am in love with told me that he wasn’t in love with me and never will be and that he didn’t want to speak or see me again, especially since he was talking to this other girl. When I talked to Dr Agumagu, he let me know which spells would be most appropriate for me and I chose the ones that was to get him back to me and stay with me and want to marry me. As soon as he started on the spells, my guy came back into my life! It was a miracle to me and I’m so thankful for that. Things have been going well, and pretty much according to what Dr Agumagu the spell is done. I’m still waiting for the spells to completely manifest, but with all that has happened so far I’m very happy because given only four months ago in March, if you asked me or my friends if I would have anticipated how things were right now…no one would believe it! Lara. To contact him agumaguspelltemple@gmail. com

Jannie - posted on 06/12/2013

Stay with him, my husband left me after 18 years. its been 13 years. I miss him so much. Stay, work it out. Sleeping alone sucks

Angela1 - posted on 06/09/2013

It’s unbelievable how fortunate I feel after finding your Email address. For the past 6 months, I have been so depressed after losing my Husband to another woman. My money situation worsened so much that I thought I’d have to file for bankruptcy. I had a huge amount of debt and I didn’t know what to do. Out of complete and total desperation, I contacted many of those so-called individuals who promised powerful magic, witchcraft or black magic. None of them worked and none were as wonderful, affectionate and warm as Dr Odigie has been. He is definitely different from the others and I felt immediate hope and strength from hearing about the spell he had to offer. He carries an air of purity and divine strength that is as pure as fresh snow on the ground. I requested Dr Odigie's most powerful spells and I was relieved right away that I had someone to solve my problems for me. His spells worked wonders and I am now back with my Husband and my money troubles resolved itself after winning the lottery. Dr Odigie, I have no idea what I would have done without you being there to help me out.If you need help in your marriage you can reach him on his email lovebackspelltemple@hotmail.com

Sharon

Jane - posted on 06/01/2013

i am giving this testimony cos l am happy

My name is mrs. Santana Valdez from Houston,taxes.i never believed in love spells or magic until i met this spell caster once. when i went to Africa in May 17th this year 2013 on a business summit. i ment a man called dr. Atakpo.He is powerful he could help you cast a spells to bring back my love’s gone,misbehaving lover looking for some one to love you, bring back lost money and magic money spell or spell for a good job.i’m now happy & a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to marry left me 3 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down cos our relationship has been on for 2 years… i really loved him, but his mother was against me and he had no good paying job. so when i met this spell caster, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him..at first i was undecided,skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. and in 6 days when i returned to taxes, my boyfriend (is now my husband ) he called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married..i didn’t believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do… well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid,and my husband also got a new job and our lives became much better. in case anyone needs the spell caster for some help, email address atakpotemble@yahoo.com

Great Atakpo i thank you very much thank you in 1000000 times.. if not you i would have been losted and wasted thank you. Email Him Through his email address... atakpotemble@yahoo.com

please make sure you contact him for any financial difficulties okay..

What a powerful man such as Dr Atakpo.. he is so much powerful..\\ email him for any difficulties.. atakpotemble@yahoo.com

Santana - posted on 06/01/2013

i am giving this testimony cos l am happy

My name is mrs. Santana Valdez from Houston,taxes.i never believed in love spells or magic until i met this spell caster once. when i went to Africa in May 15th this year on a business summit. i ment a man called dr. Atakpo.He is powerful he could help you cast a spells to bring back my love’s gone,misbehaving lover looking for some one to love you, bring back lost money and magic money spell or spell for a good job.i’m now happy & a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to marry left me 3 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down cos our relationship has been on for 2 years… i really loved him, but his mother was against me and he had no good paying job. so when i met this spell caster, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him..at first i was undecided,skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. and in 6 days when i returned to taxes, my boyfriend (is now my husband ) he called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married..i didn’t believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do… well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid,and my husband also got a new job and our lives became much better. in case anyone needs the spell caster for some help, email address atakpotemble@yahoo.com

Great Atakpo i thank you very much thank you in 1000000 times.. if not you i would have been losted and wasted thank you. Email Him Through his email address... atakpotemble@yahoo.com

please make sure you contact him for any financial difficulties okay..

What a powerful man such as Dr Atakpo.. he is so much powerful..\\ email him for any difficulties.. atakpotemble@yahoo.com

Denise - posted on 05/31/2013

with the internet ,i think a lot of marriages have broken up would like to know the statistics so easy to cheat these days, i threw husbands computer in the dam caught him at it .

Denise - posted on 05/31/2013

what is wrong ,cheaters don't stop cheating, get rid of them

Denise - posted on 05/20/2013

move on he is not worth it

Denise - posted on 05/20/2013

get rid of him

Sherry - posted on 05/20/2013

My husband left me after 28 years. My youngest is 17 years old. Ladies, watch out for an online site called meetup.com. It is a website that allows you to put in your zip code and what you are interested in. Anything from volley ball to "single , let's mingle". My husband is 49 and started playing volley ball and met people with similiar interests. He started signing up for sites that had sky diving, hang gliding, zip lining, rock climbing, you name it, they have it.

He said that we have "nothing in common", no I am not jumping out of a airplane, but this completely changed him. Mid life crisis, BIG TIME. He now has a crappy apartment, goes out every night and even markets himself as "single". He can't wait to get divorced because I am sure that it cramps his style when he has to admit to women that he is still "married". He will be 50 next month and I know this is playing hard on him.

After mutually agreeing to stay home and raise our children, all of a sudden he asks me "when are you going to start contributing to the family"!!!!!! I am 55 and my chances of finding a job are nill. He is going to have to pay me alimony for a minimum of 10 years per my attorney, probably more. Financially I will be ok, definately cutting back, but it still bothers the hell out of me. Also, as most women our age, I am over weight and he told me that he was "stuck with the fat chick".

We have 2 in college and one will be a senior in high school. He said that he can no longer contribute to their education. He doesn't have the money. Jerk. I will see to it that they all get their education.

Oh yeah, Ladies, you can look on these sites and find your husbands name and look on the calendar for that group to see what he is doing. The people will always take random pictures and post them. I have pictures of his dancing, being with women etc. Hell, it is saving me a ton of money since I don't have to hire a private investigator.

Men today are wimps. They feel like they have been cheated out of their freedom and adventurous selfs. So in their mind it is ok to leave and have the "it's all about me" attitude. He will pay for it later when he is older and the children ignore him, like they do now. I will get asked over him to all the important occasions in their life and he won't.

Good luck Ladies. Also, don't take this "it's all about me, take care of yourself" stuff that psychologist are cramming down our throats. You can take care of yourself without disregarding the feelings of others. You can also show compassion to others without deciding that you are the most important thing ever. IN other words, treat other people like you want to be treated and you will feel better.

Tina Marie - posted on 05/16/2013

I understand and went through the same thing after 20 years together. Even after all of the chaos and destruction I waited for him, we were such best friends. However, he wanted the perks of the old us but not enough to work to build a healthy relationship. My advice? Don't wait, don't put your life on hold a moment longer. (Always remember that He won't) The reality is that, even if a miracle happened now for both of you things won't ever be the same. Neither of you will be. DON'T waste a moment of this time, pining or becoming frozen. Invest in yourself.Invest in yourself.Invest in yourself.Invest in yourself.Invest in yourself.Invest in yourself. go to school, learn something new, exercise, new style, go on day trips, obtain something new and exciting to celebrate a new you. soemthing that will give you confidence and pride. Even if it's tiny and no one else would notice. Keep a journal and write all of your fears and emotions, that will help process it all for you. Include dreams and ideas you had forgotten or gave up for others, do you still want to do the same things or have new desires? Later you can look through it to see personal growth on the days you feel lost the most. I wasted 5 years waiting for a fantasy, everyone movedone emotionally (children too) except for me. Learn from others. Don't rush 'being ok' you're not and won't be for a long time. I've read reports that said give yourself a year to grieve for every 5 together. I realized now that I mostly grieved for what I thought we would have and the future we had planned for that never happened.

Renee - posted on 04/18/2013

hi..your story is also my story..and the other ladies who posted!! I have 4 kids married 24 years . He was never connected to me emotionally. Porn addictions an dnow alcoholism. He was aa supposed God-fearing church going man . he lived a double life. he left us 8 years ago for an online affair an d then 2 yers ago for his old hi school girl friend who was also my friend. I am near the end of my divorce. its not what i wanted .but he did. he is also now an alcoholic. I have been attending "divorce Care " held at a church for over year. healing is slow. i m depressed an have had many difficulties with my children.
He seems to be living happily ever after now but most people tell me that it wont last . I will NOT ever take him back. I did not want to be divorced. I forgave him..etc but after 24 yers of emotional neglect n dnow his alcoholism ..i am done. ITs just still soooo hard . Statistics say it takes one year of recovery for every four years of marriage . What the heck do these guys think they are doing?

Chaya - posted on 04/16/2013

My husband left twice and returned once, I took him back once, not twice. If he can't keep his rocket in his pocket, I'm not having him back. My daughter got into a good university and got scholarships without him, she did most of it herself, but I raised her, she doesn't want much to do with her dad. When it comes time for my daughter to vote for one of us or the other, she'll use her feet.

Re Ryder - posted on 04/05/2013

How many of you had men that left with a mid life crisis and then came back? In what time frame? I make pathetic look strong because I am hoping mine finds his way back and I accept it may be years now and not months before he realizes what he threw away.

Re Ryder - posted on 04/05/2013

Debbie I so understand. My husband of 22 years moved out last Nov. We went back and forth always me hoping. He took me to Florida but the whole time there called another woman he is in California with right now. I am so devastated and broken, but I am still hoping he will come to his sense. I know it would not work for everyone else, but for me I still am hoping he will get over this mid life crisis and find his way back to me and our family. I so hurt. I don't know how to get up most days. I can't imagine the next week let alone the next year of feeling this way. We have a 6 year old, 16 and 18 year old and they all ache in various ways. When he moves 3000 miles away with this woman in May, if he does, they will be devastated. I wish I knew what would happen. I wish I knew if he will come to realize he is chasing a fantasy person off the internet. Sure she can beat me, she is fresh and new and comes with no children, a better job and a house in California. I don't know how to make it through the days frankly but somehow I do.

Ciesta - posted on 02/17/2013

Hi Debbie, I am a mom of 3 and I am 46 years old. My youngest just turned 13. I lefted my ex-husband in 2005. He was unfaithful among other issues that we faced in our marriage. I never thought I could have a happy life after being married for 17 years. I call this phase II.... I had to regroup and find out who I was without him. It took me a year... I went through grieving the loss of my marriage and finding me in the process. I didn't date for one whole year. I must admit, I was lonely, but determined to find my own happiness. I did... I remarried a wonderful man less than two years ago. He is faithful, trustworthy and everything I want and need in a marriage. My advice to you is to take care of you!!!!!! Find happiness in yourself and you will find someone who loves the ground you walk on and appreciate you for you! Hang in there and KNOW you deserved true happiness...

Jackie - posted on 02/16/2013

I was in the same situation...25 years, two kids, he had midlife crisis, affair, then counseling together but his heart was not in the counseling and he continued with the other woman...one morning he snuck out without warning....left me to tell our 16-yr old daughter when she got home from school...he wanted to move back 2 and a half years later and then had a talk with the girlfriend and decided to stay with her...and he's still unhappy...I hope you don't take the road I took but instead you choose to be your own best friend and cut him loose...you can be civil for the kids but don't invest anymore if his actions show he's no longer invested in the commitment...you deserve a partner who's not a quitter...and so do I!

Candy - posted on 02/07/2013

Men suck. My husband left after 25 years of marriage. We had one daughter and was the love of our life. I would have NEVER thought in a million years my devoted, loyal, husband would have left me for a 10+ year friend of mine ours. I may seem angry, I am, he didn't communicate, he was using his inability as a man to communicate as an excuse to talk, feel, and have ADD to not be in touch with his feelings.

We could have saved our marriage. I was so committed, but frustrated both emotionally and sexually, How does a man, who had everything look outside a marriage and have an affair. He to this day, tell me he did not sleep with her prior to leaving but I don't buy it.

He left because he thought he had something better. GUess what, he left him. He is alone in an shitty apartment trying to "meet the right woman". Good luck with that. I know, you are reading this, thing, wow, she is so angry.

I am more than angry. I am disgusted that a significant other who vows to love you through death through you part doesn't come through. I had so many opportunities to go side ways but did not. My values and marriage met too much to me and my family.

Guess what, the joke is on me. How naive am I.

Sadly and painfully.

Denise - posted on 01/24/2013

My husband post-separation acted like he wanted to do whatever he could to repair the marriage including coming over to play family and wanting counseling. When I learned there was another woman, the reality was overwhelming that a man that loves his family does not see other women. He is playing you and keeping you in limbo so that you don't file for divorce and get the house, child support, etc. It would be a terrible role model to show your kids that cheating is ok and you tolerate it. You are showing your sons its' ok to do to women and your daughter to accept being cheated on. It is so hard what you are going through but take your energy and power away from this man, file for divorce and find someone that loves you and is a good role model for your children. I never thought I would find anyone and I did. It does get better. Focus on you and begin the process of grieving and healing. Prayers your way.

Karen - posted on 01/11/2013

Hello Debbie. I'm going through the exact same thing. My husband left after 4 kids and 24 yrs. of marriage. First he just said that he needed space. I was OK with that until I found out that he was staying with a woman. He came home after a year when I busted him only because its wasn't legal to live in the apartment without being on the lease. I used a private investigator. He left again after a year, got his own apartment, but left me financially devastated. He cleaned out the bank account. The mortgage bounced I've had financial troubles since. He pays for somethings, but not nearly enough. I've been holding on to hope since 2008. Now he finally moved it with the woman. He still denies everything. I hardly ever see him. I think he wants her and his family. I went through much anger; still am, sadness, loneliness etc... I'm divorcing him and moving on. There is a reason that God allows us to divorce people that are unfaithful with no penalties at all. He knows that their hearts are not right for us, especially if they are repeat adulterers with no remorse. Also, that's what happens when you marry someone who wasn't godly in the first place. I had so much fun that I ignored the "equally yoked" command that God told us. My husband is on his 6th affair that I know of. I would definetly do praying and counseling first if your husband is willing, and if he is willing to completely let this woman go, and vows to love you and not have an affair again. But if not, you might be with someone who will never be true to you. Please do your research on divorce first to find out options and legalities that can work best for you and your children. I have hope of new love one day or just having fun meeting new people when I viewed a dating website and found out there is a lot of men out there that might be fun or even husband material. Take a look when you get a chance. Don't even think about a spell. It's the occult. You want someone to choose you and not be made to choose you. That's how God is. He wants us to choose Him. He could make us love Him, but He doesn't. Pray for your children, peace, many blessings, and to forgive your husband as you move on. There is someone who would love you greatly just for you.

Cari - posted on 12/26/2012

Ladies.!!!! do not depend on a man.! Malisa Cotton get your real estate License and hurry.. where you can make $8,000 , $5,000 and $20,000 in one shot deal. Raise your son self employed. all can be done. I am single raising a girl 16 honor student always home studying and I have her in private school 11th grader and now the school is going to Harvard on a debate contest she always gets 1st place.. I am blessed with her.! she is not perfect she has a teen attitude. ha ha ha! but I am blessed after reading so many awful stories here on teens. Malisa LISTEN TO me.. no idea what state you are in.. get your license now! I have gotten three ladies to get the real estate license two are full timers and doing good two left the business.. but you must must try.. THINK POSITIVE THIS IS THE TIME FOR YOU and your son. erase this man .. erase the past and go forward with faith...... wake up put perfume on and smile.. life sucks.. but you are number one your son is NUMBER ONE!!!!!!!

Cari - posted on 12/26/2012

I feel for you so very much. it is called for your husband Mid Life Crisis.... no idea he might get over it.. or not.. it is in gods hands. I for myself do not put up with that.! so it is so personal and up to you. You are so blessed that your children communicate with you... very important specially now that you need them...stay positive and no idea. what to tell you .. Maybe in the long run you will find someone that does not cheat and stays with you.. who knows..
keep your head up... tough tough......

Star - posted on 12/26/2012

if he is seeing somebody else then he's soon to talk divorce then what you need to do is forget about him and focus on your life with your kids and who you can be with but if you feel there's a chance then I say go for it but mainly focus on your kids really theres still a chance for you and him since you an him haven't talked divorce yet

Joanne - posted on 11/27/2012

June 2011, Husband said he wanted to fall in love with someone else. November admitted looking up his ex girlfriend from 30 years ago. They were together for 10 months. In touch for the entire time of our marriage of 25 years. She never left him alone. She was miserable in her marriage and said that she should have never given him up and he agreed.

January 2012 he tried for 5 days to work out our marriage. Said that he's emotionally connected to her not me and at 51 emotionally connected is more important to him.

July 4 2012, said that he didn't want me or our marriage.

July 16, 2012 he gave me a check to file for divorce. July 21 2012, I filed for divorce.

He said he never loved me, should never have married me. Had kids and thought his feelings would change. They didn't. He is her soulmate. Who can compete with that.

My kids are crushed 20 &16.

He should have left me when my youngest was born that way they would have a step father that would ever walk away from the family unit.

Caron Love - posted on 11/19/2012

Not only am I facing what you are going through, I watched an excerpt on The Today show this morning on Cheating husbands. Clinical Pyschologist suggest that the cheater get rid of " the

other woman" immediately. And in order for there to be healing and forgiveness the husband who cheated must be willing to apologize and truly mean it, and want to work on the marraige.

I have been married 17 years but together for 19 years, we have two sons age 23 and 16 and now (My oldest son was from a previous relationship and my husband adopted him.) We are getting a divorce. I am smack dab in the middle of it. My husband was deceptive in our marriage early on about other things, I have forgiven him for walking out on us once before, being emotionally unavailable, and irresponsible and immature. But THIS I cannot overcome. Not only do my children and I not deserve this behavior, our sons do not need to believe that this is acceptable. If you Love him and truly believe you have what it takes to forgive him and overcome what has been done, than go for it!! It's really going to be a matter of what you want and what he wants. Hes probably not too uncomfortable having his cake and eating it too. Sorry, but I doubt if the shoe was on the other foot, he'd be so willing to work it out. Most men have zero tolerance for cheating. While women seem to tolerate it for a multitude of reasons. Best of luck! Be strong, and Hang in there!

Lori - posted on 10/31/2012

have been maried 25 years and the last two and a half years have been the worst more than I can bare.My husband went and looked someone up from his past and girl of 12 at the time now 40 years old the way he behaved was un accestable to me he wrote things that a husband should not write to someone other than his wife I wrote some things to her which were all true and she told both of us to get fucked but my husband will not listen he keeps making up new email addresses and trying to make her read what he has to say and sending letters to her work place this last two weeks he sent a gift for her kid who turned 7 just to get her to open something from him and he said to me I didn't write anything to her but i know he did. he is distant towards me and I feel he hates me. all he says to me you took her away from me you get her back and all i hear is i can't work all I do is think of her I am depressed all the time you had no right to take her away. he tells me I never thought of her naked or thought of being with her in any way but she was important to me and will be till the day I die in fact he told me that his last words out of his mouth on his death bed will be her name. I have never been discared like this before and I feel like nothing when I try to leave he tells me he loves me but then why does he torture me like he does doea anyone know what I should do???

Diane - posted on 10/21/2012

Please please pray for my marriage. I have been married 31 years. My husband left last September but came home December. Lost job in January (total shock) After years of drifting from God but still going to church became broken after job loss and cried, got on his knees and asked for forgiveness, wrote letter to our family of his terrible behavior. February - March totally different man. March 18 his dad had a heart attack and lived. Spent the week with his dad and came home March 22 ( my husbands 60th BD) and at 11:20pm phone rang to tell us his dad took a turn and died. My husband lost job, lost dad on his 60th BD. Came home on March 30th and sat down 15 minutes to inform me his inheritance was his and he was going to leave us and buy a motorcycle. After all the true tears, recommitting his life to the Lord, letters, pleas, he has been gone 7 months on the 30th. I am devastated now that he filed for divorce last week. Something he said he would never do EVER. Now I have had breast cancer, no job, in school to be an RN, cant get job in school, need my health insurance for oncology aptts, and monthly bc medicine. So scared and worried . Wasn't expecting this for sure, Please prayers and advice.

Ruth - posted on 10/21/2012

I don't know what you situtation is now, However, I hope it is better since your posting. I had been married for 30 years and with 4 children. Your decision is are you willing to accept your husband continuously being with someone else. If you are, then you accept the good and bad with this arrangement. If, not then you have to make a change(seriously) to improve you self worth, and all the positive attributes that go along with. not just to keep your husband , but for yourself as wee. Your husband may, then decide to be at your side only. If not, you may have to let him go, because you may get caught up in a unhealthy relationship and you and your kids will suffer more later, then what you are now. BEEN There!

Kuqya - posted on 10/09/2012

"I had my doubts about magic spells and I never think I would have dared to just hire any spell caster randomly. That's why I consulted Dr.Kuq Ya. I mean, it is my life we are talking about! I can't just let any goof mess with my future. Long story short: Dr Kuq Ya did his analysis and then told me what specific spell caster that would work BEST for me. For ME and my specific case. Well,He was correct and now, 2days after I had the spell cast, my EX broke up with his girlfriend and came running. He BEGGED to come back to me! That's exactly as I wanted it to be ;)" Sgam sez Costa Rica

Melissa - posted on 10/02/2012

...breath

Melissa - posted on 10/02/2012

Really? How do you feel about him still seeing somebody? Would he tolerate you seeing somebody while still married? I'm new to this whole thing, but it seems that there seems to be a lot of "open" marriages. Check craigslist relationship columns...lots of married folks looking to make connections...I just don't get it.

Deanna - posted on 09/25/2012

I feel the same about marriage and staying togther, growing old together ect.... You sound alot like myself. How are you holding up knowing he seeing this person@@

Not to get into my story right now but I have been married 15 yrs and about a year ago, someone was paying alot of attention to my husband because she knew we were having issues and wow, I put a stop to that madness right then and there. I guess it is different because your husband has been out of the home I assume and seperated. I am curious how you are dealing with this person! If he is not talking divorce yet and you two are going to counseling, then I hope you found someone to lean on as well until you two decide. I cannot see myself letting him or not letting, but knowing he is seeing her and counseling with you. How can one really be working on the marriage and one another while being with someone else. NO way. I am so curious how you are doing...

HEATHER - posted on 09/21/2012

MY HUSBAND LEFT ME AND MY CHILDREN THREE YEARS AGO, AFTER OVER TWENTY YEARS OF MARRIAGE. I AM IN SHOCK AND FEEL COMPLETY BETRAYED. I STAYED WITH THIS MAN AFTER I KNEW HE HAD CHEATED ON ME, WITH TWO SISTERS THAT WERE TWELVE AND THIRTEEN. MY SON WAS ONLY FOUR MONTHS OLD AT THE TIME, AND WE WERE NEWLY WEDS. IT WAS MY FAITH IN THE LORD THAT KEPT ME IN THE MARRIAGE. BUT I WAS NEVER HAPPY. HE WAS A PEDOPHILE AND A RAPIST AND I STAYED, BECAUSE GOD HATES DIVORCE. MY CHILDREN ARE NOW EIGHTEEN SEVENTEEN AND MY DAUGHTER IS FIFTEEN AND THEY HAVE NOT SEEN THEIR DAD IN THREE YEARS. HE CHECKS IN ONCE A WEEK TO SEE HOW THEY ARE BUT THEY WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM. I KNOW WHAT KIND OF MAN HE IS AND YET I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY I CAN'T STOP CRYING THAT HE LEFT, I MUST BE AN IDIOT. HE LIVES IN PA NOW WITH SOMEONE ELSE. HE HAS NO IDEA WHAT HE HAS DONE TO HIS FAMILY, ALL HE CARES ABOUT IS HIMSELF. I AM STILL LEGALLY MARRIED TO THIS MAN, BUT I FEEL SO SICK KNOWING THAT HE GETS TO LIVE HIS LIFE WITHOUT A CARE IN THE WORLD, WHILE I STRUGGLE EVERYDAY TO PUT FOOD ON THE TABLE. I WANT TO HATE HIM IT IS A NORMAL HUMAN EMOTION. AS A CHRISTIAN I HAVE TO FORGIVE AND THAT'S NOT ALWAYS EASY. I DON'T WANT HIM BACK I DON'T KNOW THE MAN HE IS A STRANGER TO ME AND THE CHILDREN. I KNOW I AM BETTER OFF WITHOUT HIM, BUT IT IS HARD BEING ON YOUR OWN. I RESENT HIM. I WANT JUSTICE BUT THERE IS NONE. I HAVE BEEN ATTENDING A DIVORCE CARE GROUP, AND THAT AT LEAST GETS ME OUT OF THE HOUSE ONCE A WEEK. THE DEPRESSION IS KILLING ME. HE IS A CANCER THAT IS SLOWLY EATING AWAY AT MY HEART. I FEEL NUMB ALL THE TIME. I AM SO TIRED OF HURTING AND CRYING OVER THIS MAN, WHO PROBABLY HAS NEVER SHED A SINGLE TEAR OVER WHAT HE'S DONE. I WANT MY LIFE BACK, BUT I AM SO LOST, EMOTIONALLY SPIRITUALLY AND PHYSICALLY. I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED MY MARRIAGE TO WORK. BUT WHEN ONLY ONE PERSON IS PUTTING IN THE WORK, IT SEEMS LIKE A WASTE OF TIME, AND I COULDN'T COMPETE WITH HIS ADDICTION TO PORNOGRAPHY, SINCE THAT WAS THE REAL LOVE OF HIS LIFE. ALL I DO NOW IS CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP AT NIGHT. I AM FORTY YEARS OLD AND AFRAID. I HATE THAT HE DID THIS TO THE FAMILY HE CLAIMED TO LOVE. I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW HE CAN BE WITH SOMEONE ELSE WHILE MARRIED TO ME. I AM SO SICK. .

Bobbie - posted on 08/29/2012

I feel strongly that he should not get to decide your life's direction. The mention that he is still seeing someone though you are going for counseling makes me wonder what kind of commitment he is able to establish with any integrity in the future.

Please be sure your choices are based on your needs and wants. Loving someone should not give them a license to do as they please and know you will tolerate it because you love them to much to let them go. Sometimes, you have to love yourself and respect yourself more than you love someone who has shown themselves to be unworthy of further efforts.

Cheyenne - posted on 08/26/2012

To be honest until you really let go of him you will never know how he truly feels about the marriage and what he wants to do. This could be a fling or it could be the real thing. Whatever it is a man tends to want what he cannot have. Make yourself unavailable to him and you will find out the truth. Debbie, remember though once a cheater always a cheater. Who is to say he will not get bored again? Hopefully when you do make yourself unavailable in that time you will find peace in letting go and start over yourself, and hopefully he will want you back but won't be able to have you back because you Debbie realized that you are such a better person than he, and you deserve to be treated with respect and honor.....something he forgot he promised you 25 years ago.

Juliet - posted on 08/26/2012

Dear Debbie,



I am reading your post two and a half years after your original post. I pray that you and you husband healed through life's difficulties, and that God pulled you up during that trial and revealed the truth through faith in Jesus Christ.

Veronica Joan - posted on 08/25/2012

from my exspierince and wasting nearly twenty years of my life i would advise you to give up, i never thought i would say that as that what peoples advise was to me for years , and i used to really hate it i was like you valued family so much but when your kids have flew the nest and your man is a cheat it just gets easier for them and harder for you if that makes sence i one day you wil say to yourself what was all that for ,i hope in your case if nyou wont to work things out honest all the best but i never thought i would be in the position i am in today just because i tried it would take to long to explain my problematic life but at the end of the day it wasnt worth all the mental abusise were only human but some men or woman dont feel that good luck

Mariana - posted on 08/12/2012

Well Debbie, what about if it was the other way around? What if you were the one seeing another man while trying to work out the marriage? If I was you, I will get divorced. I am going through a divorce after being married for 18 years. I He cheated on me and he wanted to live with me while he was seeing the other woman. He would get out of the house on Thursdays around 2 p.m and come back home 4 in the morning. I felt so devastated and so little at that point.
. Now, I miss him and I cry for him, but the pain is different. I am healing and trying to get over it. I know is going to take time but at the end I think it was the right decicison.


DONT LET YOUR HUSBAND DO THAT TO YOU BECAUSE I KNOW YOU ARE HURT NOW. IF HE DOESNT STOP SEEING THE WOMAN, HOW ARE YOU GONNA WORK OUT YOUR MARRIAGE??????????????????????

Kim - posted on 08/05/2012

thank you my husband just left me and my kids but he told us he might come back he need time and space so he has us on a rollercoaster rid i just dont know what to do i have tried counselling but it has not work for me he does not help or see the kids he just wants to have fun with his friends we have been married 27 years this just happend a week ago it is affecting me and my job how do get threw this karen

Mary - posted on 07/24/2012

My husband just up and walked out after 20 plus years of marriage..we have 6 children together. He was having a mid life crisis..though he won't admit it. He moved in with a few single men, and then about a year ago, he moved in with an older, still married, but estranged from her husband..woman. He left me when our youngest was 4. A couple of his friends had to move when their house burned down and he decided to move in with them. It took me as a total surprise.. I had not seen this coming, and frankly, I will never forgive him for it. It's almost 4 years later. He told me he was moving out to be a better husband and father...he is, of course, neither. He and I went to counseling 8 times..seriously? 8 times..after 20 years and 6 children..he wanted to call it all quits after 8 counseling sessions! My children have been through a lot because of his ignorance. He barely comes over to visit and he is downright rude and insulting to me in front of them. I have basically been single parenting 24/7 for the last 4 years. I have been trying to understand how and why someone can do that to his family, and how he doesn't understand what impact his walking out on us has had on the kids, particularly the younger 2, who are boys and are the most in need of a male role model. My husband didn't have the decency to put his children in front of him..and honestly, he wasn't a 9 to 5 worker anyway. He is a musician, and as such, I have been doing most of the parenting anyway, but to be totally left alone is very difficult on me, and because of that, on the kids as well. I have hoped and prayed that he would come back and be the husband and father that I know he can be, but obviously, he has decided that he is more important than any of the family. He doesn't tell people that he is married..or that he has 6 children.. or that he walked out on us. He is a coward, plain and simple. I have learned how to live my life without any help..but, I will tell you, it is not easy, and it is certainly not better than having someone else to help out. Money is a constant issue and honestly, I spend my entire life making sure that everyone is safe, fed and healthy... because my husband doesn't even check in with his older kids and actually calls me to see how everyone is about once a week. I tell people he doesn't act as a father..he acts as a distant uncle. I have had to deal with a lot of life's big moments alone...one of my daughters attempted suicide a few years ago. I called him to tell him..he said, "Oh,I'm too tired to drive in, but tell her I love her"...no lie..he wouldn't drive 45 minutes away to do that in person. I had to call one of my neighbors to stay at my house so I could spend the night at the hospital. I could go on all day... but, if your husband is seeing someone else...forget it..he's gone... even if you never get divorced...because we are not divorced..and every day I am reminded of that fact, while he gets to pretend his wife and children don't exist!

Thea - posted on 07/23/2012

Kimberly Graham: I am so sorry for you! I know exactly how you feel...you can read my story if you want, but all I can say for advice is to go to your doctor and tell him/her how you feel. Ask for help from your minister/priest. Call your best girlfriend and talk to her. Schedule time with a therapist to talk. Do any or all of these things to help you get your thoughts and feelings out so you can figure out what is best for you to do to pick up the pieces of broken heart he left you with! Your children will be a great source of comfort if you let them...they look up to you and will react in different ways, so be prepared to laugh and cry with them, but always let them know how much you love them so they will be reassured you aren't going leave too! I hope for the best for you! It does get better...you just have to take a chance and dare to believe in you! :)

Kimberly - posted on 07/23/2012

well, I really feel for you. I am going through the same thing right now. I am devastated . I have a hard time breathing and I feel so empty inside. My husband left two months ago and I haven't heard from him. I know where he is but he has not contacted me or our children. The sad thing is I just don't get it. I thought I would grow old with this man but unfortunately that is not the case. I don't know if it's another woman or drugs. His family protects him. They think that everything is my fault. But the truth of the matter is he's a loser and I simply hate him, but at the same time I miss him. He was such a part of my life my teens, my 20's, 30's and half of my 40's. the only man I ever made love to the only man I ever kissed, etc.. so now how do I pick up the pieces and move on? someone please give me some advice. thanks.

Chaya - posted on 07/09/2012

I've been married for 18 years, separatef for five. I was also previously widowed at the ripe old age of 19, after nearly 7 years of marriage. (Grew up in Africa)
You can't make the man come back, perhaps that's a good thing. I tell people my husband didn't have a mid life crisis, he had a disaster. Whether he opts to return or not, make a life away from him. If it were me, I'd refuse to take him back, but I don't know the situation or the people involved. You need to do what your head, not your heart, tells you to do, or vice versa, depending on what works for you.
For me, once my estranged husband took up with another woman, the marriage was over. Period. I follow the precepts set fourth in the Bible, but use whatever text works for you, even if it's Dr. Seuss. I can't offer you spiritual advice, but seek it out from which ever source works for you

Thea - posted on 07/08/2012

I am 55 and have 3 grown children...My husband divorced me after we had been married 32 years. He really had left me in his heart before that time, I think, because I had caught him flirting with other women online more than once, and that was after we had been married for 32 years! He claimed it was harmless and didn't mean anything. We had been having difficulties before, but I always thought we could work things out and get on with our lives. After all, we were supposed to grow old together!

I never have believed in divorce, but I do believe it was the right thing to do in our case because I didn't want to live the life he wanted and also because he wanted to move in with a women he had met. He went to the woman he had been talking to and they got married about 6 months or so after we got divorced, while I was left alone (truthfully, I didn't want anyone else). It was so very difficult for me for the first year (or so) after he was gone. He kept saying that he still loved me (to her and our kids-not to me) but I finally decided that wasn't really the kind of love I wanted or needed!

We have been divorced for years now and I am living proof that there IS life after a divorce!

After much consideration and thought about what went wrong, I discovered that while we were very compatible in many areas of life, we were also very incompatible in our values and beliefs.

I think that when we first married, I tried to live my life the way I thought would make him happy and not the way I really believed I should live. I was 17 when we met and by the time I was 18 I was married and had my 1st child! By the time I finally figured out what I wanted and needed to respect myself, he wasn't interested in changing his way of life to stay with me. Indeed, I had even told him that life was too short and he should live it the way he wanted...and he proceeded to do just that very thing! Unfortunately for me, it was a life without me that he chose.

I still miss some things, like snuggling together to watch a movie, or spooning in bed, but all in all, I am very happy with my life because I.m no longer 'in bondage' to a lifestyle that was never really suited for me from the beginning.

I am not actively looking for another husband just because I don't really want anyone else. From my perspective, it's as if the man I thought I had married has 'died' and has been replaced with the man he really had been all along!

He still lives only a few minutes from my home with his wife in her house. And even though I'm not best friends with them, I try to maintain a friendly attitude for our kids and grandkids sake - and because I think that's the right thing to do (and that's what I believe God would expect from me). And I can live with that because I simply don't need him to complete me anymore!

Lisa - posted on 06/21/2012

I am 40 and just found out that mine had an affair 4 months ago (his second one, first was emotionally only he says but second was physical and emotional) so I completely understand what your feeling. The only good thing about my situation is that he says he is sorry and wants to stay together and work on the marriage. While it is taking all I have to accept and try to forgive I don't believe in divorce (except in physical abuse situations) so I am working on making it work. It sounds like your husband just can't seem to make up his mind and even though you might not want to divorce you may have to tell him that "YOUR NOT GOING TO BE THE OTHER WOMAN AND TO CHOOSE" there are better men out there (or I hope there are) that will value you for you and who you are and your right being a wonderful mother means more than trying to make a man love you and want to be with you if he is still with someone else. Your kids will always love you unconditionally and they are what is really worth fighting for in the end if he doesn't want to fight for you. I will pray for you and that you will be ok and get everything worked out the way GOD wants you to. Love to you as a sister of GOD!

A247a247 - posted on 05/29/2012

find a young man who wants a older woman and have all the sex you can ! Bet he has found a younger woman. she doing what you did not do !

Lori - posted on 02/16/2012

Well, I see this post is old, but I am going to add my story as well. I have been married for 25 years to a man that I love and adore. He is self employed and business has been awful for the past 5 years with me picking up the slack. Needless to say, we fight constantly about money and who's doing or not doing what.

My mom became very ill in April and suffered horribly, finally dying in November. I was devastated and clung to my husband who kept telling me how much he loved me.

WE have had communication problems since my mom dies because I am grieving....

3 weeks ago I came home from exercising and he said he no longer wants to be married. He took his ring off and moved downstairs. Said life with me is miserable, I don't support or give back to him, and he will never reconsider. Holy *%*t! He immediately asked for a cash settlement, that would benefit me, and said there was no way he was coming back.

I am devastated.....I have had to take a stress leave. I constantly create things in my head to say to try and convince him to come back, then I am a ball of tears because I know I sound desperate and he doesn't want me.

I did go to a lawyer and get him his agreement. So, within 3 weeks my life as I know it doesn't exist and the man I love so deeply is gone.

Any words of wisdom welcome.....

Lee-Anne - posted on 02/20/2011

Hi,
my ex did the same to me after 20years of marriage. He divorced me on valentines day, this year, yep really classy eh? All i can say, is be honest with yourself and true to yourself. If he is already and still seeing someone, could you really take him back fully trusting him again? As my kids said to me, what doesnt kill us only makes us stronger. God bless you xx

Gina - posted on 02/02/2011

Oh wow girl! We are going through the exact same thing. My husband of 13 years...together 20, left last year. We have a 10 year old daughter and an 8 year old son with Cerebral Palsy. He is in a wheelchair, he can't walk or talk or do anything for himself. Luckily he is smart as a whip and can use a touch screen computer and such. Any ways, he left to take a break from the stress of life, we were losing our home, our son is a lot of hard work and we were fighting a lot. Little did I know that there was a client of his in another state that he had been talking to. They never met just talked on the phone. The minute he left me she took that opportunity to fly her and make her move. They have been living together for a year now but he doesn't want a divorce. I filed for child support and he is paying that. I'm not sure where we stand. His family said he still loves me and that they feel he is addicted to prescription pain killers...his girlfriend is too. I don't know what to do. I would love to save this marriage and I think deep down he does too. He is a lost soul that feels embarrassed and ashamed and is letting his pride get the best of him. I did talk him into getting therapy. Praise the Lord for that. I miss the old him so much.

Lisa - posted on 01/24/2011

My husband and I went through something similair we were married almost 20 years and he found someone else we decided to work out our problems and deal with what was going on . We now have a very strong relationship and have been married 25 years last Aug, so if you both feel it is worth saving try , I did tell him I would let him go if he wanted too and eventually he choose he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and neither pushed the other to make a decision