I am 47 and we just adopted a baby..am I crazy

Denise - posted on 01/24/2010 ( 106 moms have responded )

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We also have a 3 year old. I didn't think much about it since my husband and I got married later in life and many of my male friends the same age are just having children.

However with this one, I have been asked repeatedly if it is my grandchild...so I am starting to wonder. Has anyone else had this experience...

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Cindy - posted on 01/27/2010

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I have not had this personal experience, but one of my closest friends has a very similar one. She is 2 years younger than I am and she adopted a little girl baby about 3 years ago. So, she was 47, I believe, when she adopted. She has 2 other adopted children, 10 and 12 years old, as well as two other birth children whoare in there early to late twenties. I was quite surprised and concerned when she told me that she had adopted. And she also told me she got the same response..."is she your grandchild?" from people. I told her to tell them, it was none of their business. As long as she is physically and mentally able to parent a baby I feel it's okay. Men having children at an older age is more accepted, because they don't actually give birth to the child. And even though you did not give birth to this baby, people still have narrow biased opinions about these things. So, in answer to your question...No, you are not crazy. You are a loving mom, who has enough love to share with more children. And I salute you for that.

Barbara - posted on 01/26/2010

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I was 43 when we adopted our daughter from China. She was 18 months at the time. I feel that being older I have more patience and really don't sweat the small stuff. Having a younger child keeps you active and busy. I would not trade it for the world.

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Denise - posted on 03/04/2014

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If God leads you to a child. And if you have love for that child to be your own. Then God will help you raise the child. Every child should know the love of a mother. It is never ending.

Lynn - posted on 06/20/2011

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I am 55 and I have four bio kids aged 30, 28, 26 and 17 and then two long term foster daughters who are 16 and 8. My grandchildren are 9, 6, 2 and 10 weeks old. My grandmother was 46 when she had my Dad, the last of her ten children. His oldest sibling was 25 when he was born. He is the only one left in the family now, he'll be 84 in September, bless him! I did IVF when I was 47 and lost twins very early in the pregnancy and didn't try any more after the trauma of that. I think the Lord has been very good to give me a little disabled eight year old girl only five months ago. You never know how your life will turn out. I have always welcomed children, they are all a blessing whenever you have them and however old they are ; ) No one thinks I am Tish's granny, but my husband was 26 years older than I and people often thought he was my father! We'd just laugh and make them feel at ease, we didn't really care what they thought. Maybe that is the secret, smile and enlighten them ; )

Kim - posted on 06/20/2011

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I am 42 and have a 19 year old, 17 year old and an adopted 6 year old. Everyone thinks my 17 year old daughter is my 6 year old son and I am the grandmother! I would not change it for anything in the world. It doesn't matter how old you are! It matters how much love you have for these children that have no one! Have fun and good luck! Enjoy every minute of their life! :)

Kim - posted on 06/20/2011

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I am 42 and have a 19 year old, 17 year old and an adopted 6 year old. Everyone thinks my 17 year old daughter is my 6 year old son and I am the grandmother! I would not change it for anything in the world. It doesn't matter how old you are! It matters how much love you have for these children that have no one! Have fun and good luck! Enjoy every minute of their life! :)

Kim - posted on 06/20/2011

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I am 42 and have a 19 year old, 17 year old and an adopted 6 year old. Everyone thinks my 17 year old daughter is my 6 year old son and I am the grandmother! I would not change it for anything in the world. It doesn't matter how old you are! It matters how much love you have for these children that have no one! Have fun and good luck! Enjoy every minute of their life! :)

Carol - posted on 06/16/2011

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I have a ten year old boy and I am 5 6 this year I also have a 2 year old girl and when we go out together everyone assumes that my daughter is the mother of my 10 year old. I think its funny and I dont think your to old to have a child its what you feel about it is all that matters at the end of the day and your ability to Love and Care for your speciall little boy good luck and more power to you, Cheers Carol

[deleted account]

No you are not crazy. I was adopted at age 8. My parents where a little older than normal parents in this town they got asked the same question a few times. Being that I came from adoption any home that is a good home for children regardless of age of parent is better than not having a home at all and when they ask about the grand child bit just say calmly that you are the mom. When the jaw drops or stammers start to happen it only means that you are doing something right.

Mary - posted on 06/15/2011

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If you are crazy then join the group!! I am 57, a single mom, and have a 38yo bio daughter and a 5yo granddaughter. I have also adopted and have a 19yo daughter, a 10yo daughter, an 8yo son and am fostering a 2yo boy (he has been here since he was six months old). I grew up in a large family where more was merrier and there has always been and always will be room for a couple more in my home. ENJOY!!! And as far as being mistaken for the Grandma, I don't mind at all because I am a Granny and consider it a privilage - but when I am asked or addressed as my kids Grandma I always say "I'm the Mom" and go about our business.

Suzanne - posted on 06/07/2011

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No, you are not crazy! We are foster parents with two grown daughters and two grandsons. We are currently in the adoption process to adopt a special needs medical little girl who is 21 months old that we have had since she was 6 months old. We do however have our daughters as her legal guardians in case something happens to us. There is no age limit to loving a child. Congrats!

Rachael - posted on 06/05/2011

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I am 43 and my husband is 47. We are adopting a sibling set of 4 ranging in age. A 5, 3,2 and 5 month old. I know at times we all question ..oh my goodness what in the world have I gotten myself into...but I never question the love I have for the children or them for us. My husband is a wonderful dedicated father. Because like you he is not a youngster (nor am I) he adores being a Daddy. Do not worry about other people and their comments. Love your children and all will be fine.

Lauralee - posted on 06/03/2011

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ell i say all the power to you.If its what you want go for it. I am 43 i had and my baby is 17.I had my first child at 15 ,whim i am sorry to say passed away when he was 16 in a botting accident.I have a 22 yr old son,19 yr old daughter in college and my baby girl (17).I personally could notstart again i am enjoying the freedom of having adult children.Still is not easy but i have more freedom,but good luck to you.

Cynthia - posted on 05/26/2011

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Don't sweat it! I am 53 and full guardianship of my now 5-yr-old granddaughter, and am shooting for adopting. You are never too old! It's the love, care, and home you provide that counts. Personally, I feel the age is an advantage because I am more mature, responsible, wise, and settled in life more now than ever! Don't worry about people asking questions like that. You are doing a wonderful thing reaching out to provide a home for a child. There are far too many that need it! Good for you!!

Jane - posted on 05/23/2011

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My husband often got the "grandpa" business, especially after his hair went grey (he always claimed that it wasn't grey, he had it tipped platinum). In addition, I was thought to be his daughter sometimes (I was younger than he but not by THAT much. I just don't have much grey). In addition, folks have thought I was my father's wife or my father's grandchild. All of this simply proves that people draw instant conclusions on very little evidence.

To anyone who adopts, I say more power to you! We adopted twice, when my husband was 45 and 47, and wouldn't have it any other way. We had actually planned on adopting two more times but my husband became ill so we stopped at two.

A friend of mine in college was born when his father was 69. No one ever minded being generationally miscategorized in his family. In fact, we usually think such things are funny.

Bonnie - posted on 05/23/2011

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My husband and I became foster parents because he had never had kids. We are 56 and 55 and we have an 8,6,and 5 yr olds. I also have a 33 and 30 yr old sons from previous marriage.
People often make comments about being gradma. If I am never gonna see the person again I don't comment. If I will see them again I correct them. It's kind of hard because the people our age can just get up and go. You end up getting involved with people a lot younger than you especially when the kids start school. But, my husband I figure we have some wisdom and experience we can share with these young kids that may help them with major life choices. Even though we are telling them the same thing their parents are telling them. Our oldest daughter is in Girl Scouts and all the other moms are in their 20's and some in early 30's. Sometimes they tease and call me grandma. lol It's hard to find a babysitter. People our age don't babysit and we don't know the teenage girls that do. But now that we're involved with some of the young parents we swap time with each other.
Being older you aren't as energetic anymore as you were when you were younger. You get stuff done it take a little longer. I also think that we know that spending time with the kids is more important than dusting. The dishes will wait but the kids keep growing up. Recently I had knee replacement and the kids wanted to help me put on my socks and shoes. Not what I had planned for my small kids to do. We did get some negative feedback from my family about "our age" and babies. I told my brother that when our oldest graduated from high school we could use our first social security check to buy her a car as a present. lol You defiently have to maintain your sense of humor. But no matte your age you still love them and they still mean as much as when you were young. Maybe more because you know how precious they can be. You'll do fine. Just remember people will think of you as grandparents but that's ok. 33% of grandparents are raising their kids today.

Terri - posted on 05/17/2011

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The only thing that matters is what you think...everybody is always going to have their own opinion, but that's just it...it is there opinion...do not let that second guess what a wonderful position you have been blessed with...hold your head up high...because being a mother no matter the age is truly a blessing from God and he chose you. :)

Angel - posted on 05/16/2011

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Hi Denise! Yes, many, many women have had similar experiences. We call it "the grandma story" and it's a common experience for women who had their kids from mid-40's onward--whether via birth or adoption. I've written blog series on the subject called "Don't Call Me Grandma!". :-) We have a new online group for moms over 40, as well as info and resource--it's free and private. Hope you'll drop in and join us! http://flowerpowermom.com/a-child-after-...

Gina - posted on 05/14/2011

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Hi Denise, thats wonderful news to hear you have adopted congratulatios to you both, I dont think it is too old, if you can give a baby/child love and a home how wonderful is that. Ignore comments from people and whenasked if your the grandparents hold your head high, and so NO ACTUALLY i'm his/her mummy/daddy. May I ask if you are in the uk, as i now over here so hard to adopt if over 40. I have just noticed yur profile pic, Your son is adorable,very handsome. x

Tracey - posted on 05/13/2011

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awww sweetie how wonderful for you. Dont worry about what people think. As long as you are happy in life. Who cares.
Congradulations and God Bless your little family

Hedy - posted on 05/13/2011

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Nope! You are very happy! I'm 44, almost 45 and have a 10 month old, 13 year old, and 16 year old! And I don't care what anyone thinks!

Nancy - posted on 05/13/2011

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Sara Thats Great!!!!!!! Dont let what others think or may say bother you. I get it too. Happiness is all that betters & God has Blessed your family. Keep up the Great work...

Nancy - posted on 05/13/2011

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Nope your NOT crazy. I Always had my Niece - Daughter since Dec 2007. she is now 3 & a half & i am 46!!!! I didnt plan on this either BUT, i wouldnt trade being a Mom for the world!!!! So happy for ya. Your a Hero. To many children need parents. Good Luck Denise :)

Chris - posted on 05/13/2011

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be blessed Denise :) it does not matter what others think or say :) i am 47 and my son is 17 months and i am absolutely sure i did right :)

SARA - posted on 05/06/2011

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I adopted my daughter just before my 50th birthday. I've only been confused for her grandma once that I know of. It has been the best thing that ever happened to me and, though sometimes I wish for her sake that she had a young yummy mummy I have such fun with her that I forget abut stuff like my age. I do notice that my parents - her grandparents are too old to help and that mu brothers and sisters aren't so interested because their children are almost grown up. But I'm still thrilled to be a mother now.

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I keep getting confused with my dayghter's sister much to her disliking. I don't act like that but I guess the point here is what ever age you are someone is going to have half baked remarks. You're a very good mommy and that is all that matters.

Cheryl - posted on 11/26/2010

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am I crazy, you bet...always have been always will be...according to others standards...does it bother me not really...Have children from 32 to 5 and I am 51. We total 11 children and 9 grandchildren. Gave birth to 3, had foster like children (someone elses)), met my husband and inhereted 3 adult children, and we adopted/raising 2 (they are now ours) of the grandchildren. But I was always called crazy cause the house was full of kids. Still is. Probably always will be. And yes I am "crazy enough" to consider adopting/fostering again. Point is do you think you are crazy...and if that isn't ok with you ...why?

Shannon - posted on 11/25/2010

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you are not crazy, my Mother in Law is 52 and she has a 9 year old that she adopted 3 years ago, she is also in the process of adopting 3 siblings ages 2, 4, and 5...along with these she fosters a 3 year old that she has had for 2 years and just took on another 8 year old. I commend you and think it's wonderful what u have done!!!!

Marjie - posted on 11/24/2010

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I had my first child after my former boyfriend from high school had his first grandchild. As a teacher, I have extremely young parents to older parents and not a few grandparents raising their children. It's becoming quite common for the kids who are being raised by grandparents to call them mom or dad anyway. I don't even ask anymore, I'm just glad they come to parent conferences. I think the idea of appropriate ages for parents is becoming quite blurred, and while some people might ask, they will eventually embarrass themselves enough times that they will stop.

[deleted account]

Denise, I am a 55 year old woman with a 38 year old son and a 4 year old son. So I think I can relate to what you are saying. But you are the mommie and while the age thing is in the room so are the colds, heartbreaks, cuddles. So that is what seperates us from the Grandparent roll. Grandparents can hand them back and go to bridge after! Just love them and when another child asks you if you are the grandma (which I have had done to me) just say, "nope I am the mommie but I can't wait till I am a grandma".

Iris - posted on 11/20/2010

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Hi, I was almost 46 when I had my daughter. I found a playgroup where all the moms are older like me and that has been a great place of support for me and the kids have grown up together and bonded. I have not not been asked about being a grandparent, but my response would be she is my daughter and we feel very blessed to have her in our life which is filled with love. I am sure you understand how wonderful that is for us all.

Lee - posted on 11/17/2010

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Obviously you have love to give and that is a very precious gift and this child will keep you young!

Donna - posted on 11/16/2010

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Well I am 42 & my Husband is 47 and we have been raising our grandson since he was 1 &1/2 and he is over 4 now and I would not change a thing. You go girl.

Tammy - posted on 02/06/2010

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I had my one and only son at 44. He is 3 years old. I was told that I could not have any children. I finally became a mom. I thank God every day for the joy that my son has brought into my life.

Dolorosa - posted on 02/05/2010

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Congratulations! My mom was 45 when she had me, I don't think she was crazy. Maybe others did, but who cares...as long as you are happy. You have adopted so are giving a child a loving home, how can that be wrong!

Terrie - posted on 02/05/2010

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My youngest son is now age 9 I had a lady theother day thought I was grandma LOL NO I am Mom. The funny thing my granddaughter was with us. She is younger than my son and I have another grandchild younger than him and one older. I just say nicely actually I am mom how awesome is that! I am also a mom thru adoption!

Sherri - posted on 02/05/2010

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Hi Denise: My husband and I, adopted a beautiful 5 year old girl, that was 8 years ago. Than 4 years ago we adopted another girl, 8months old, I will be 50 years old this July, and my wonderful husband will be 53, in the same month. Do we get asked if they are our grandchildren, of course, most people are our age who are grand-parents, we are proud to be parents, that is answer we give people. :-)

Michelle - posted on 02/05/2010

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I have !!! I have a boilogical son that will be 15 in May and I adopted twin daughters that will be 9 in April. They were 4 months old when we found each other ! I was 45 when I adopted them. I am ALWAYS asked if I am there Grandma. Would it not be more politically corrct to ask if I was their Mom, and if I was Grandma, let me correct it? Would that not be more flatering?!?!? Yet, when I tell people my real age, they are always shocked. They say I look at least 10 years younger. What's up with that?!?!?! I guess cause kids are having babies, more people are grandmothers at a MUCH earlier age that when I was coming up. That's the only explanation I can come up with. And other ideas out there????

Sandra - posted on 02/03/2010

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You go Girl, im really proud that their are alot of older parents out there now. I have 4 children, im 47 had my first baby at 21 and my last baby at 36 and i find that i have more time for the children now than i did when i was younger, my kids ages are 25, 24 12, 10 and i also have a 2yr old grand-daughter. So stick to your guns and keep on going.

Linda - posted on 02/02/2010

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no you are not crazy I am 45 and have a 3 and 4 year old and every one thought I was crazy to start over I also have a 19- and 21 year old kids. and a Grand baby on the way. Enjoy life and if kids make you happy then go for it and don't listen to other people they have way to much time on thier and and may be jealous that you are happy

Sandra - posted on 02/02/2010

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No Denise, you're not crazy. I'm 51, and my husband is 52. We adopted 5 children when we were 42 and 43 years old. I'm thinking about adopting another child. It's not your age that matters in that childs life. It the love and care that you will give to him/her. These little angels need someone to take them in and care for them. Never let the negative thoughts of others make a very important decision for you, when you are considering doing Gods work. These are all of our children and God bless you for wanting to adopt a child in need. I had family member that tried to reverse my thoughts about adoption. They were always saying, with a adopted child, you don't know what you're getting or getting into. Well, my reply was, you don't know what you're getting or getting into when you bare a child of your own. So, go on and do whatever your heart tells you too. Take care and God bless you and yours. Also, I've been asked the same question, is that your grandchildren? And i reply no, they are my children and, does it matter, or do life have an age limit to have children.

Mary - posted on 02/01/2010

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no you are not crazy. today it normally to see young people with small children and older people about are age with grandchildren

Becky - posted on 02/01/2010

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Denise you are not crazy. I am going on 46 in March, my husband will be 44 in July. We have been married for 5 years and when we first got married we tried to have our own child. ( I was married before, I have two sons 22 and 24. He never married before). In 3 years of trying I had 7 miscarriages. I have friends all the time tell me I am crazy, why would I start over after having my kids grown. I say, I want my husband to experience being a parent as well as I have. We are now looking into adoption. He is starting to feel we are getting to old. I dont think so. I do have a 9 month old granddaughter as well. I love children. I want nothing more than to have a child with my husband. I am just not sure how long it takes to get a child. I would like it to happen before I am 50. Keep smiling. You are doing great things for your children.

Julie - posted on 02/01/2010

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LOL. If their twins? I would say people are not observant. It has happened in history where two babies can be different color but extremely rare.

Good for you for adopting. I want to become a foster parent as well. I am in school right now so taking on more kids will be difficult. When people say something stupid, I smile and walk off. It may be rude but as u said some people have NOT a clue!!!!

Carol - posted on 02/01/2010

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Hi, My husband is 47 and I'm 43, we are fostering to adopt 2 babies age 20 and 21 months, black boy, white girl. I get all sorts of questions. The one that really gets me is are they twins??? After I say no, it goes on from there. I'm also usually aked if I'm the baby sitter. People just don't have a clue sometimes.

Julie - posted on 02/01/2010

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As far as you adopting a child, if you have love to give it wasnt wrong. More power to you. I have a 10 yr old and 5 yr old and i would love to adopt a child since there are so many out there who need love.

I wouldnt worry about the comments. I too have been asked if my kids are my grandkids since I am old enough to have a granchildren the age my kids are. Take the opportunity to explain your getting better with age and you have lots of love to give. BTW, I think I am a much better parent at this age than I would have been in 20`s or maybe even earlt 30`s.

Joanne - posted on 02/01/2010

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My husband(45) and I(44) are foster parents & have adopted 3 girls. The oldests is 9yrs old & the youngest is 6. They are awesome. I find that being an older parent requires alot more patience. Most of your friends are starting with the grandchildren & you still have young ones going to recitals. It's hard but worth it

Debra - posted on 01/31/2010

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It's wonderful that you have adopted. Period. At any age, you are making the choice to bring a child into your home to be loved and nurtured. If someone is so narrow minded to think this has to be done in a certain age range, oh well. Great for you to have added to your family :)

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