I am a 42yr old mom of son 17 months. I just put him in daycare and now he hates me.

Susan - posted on 09/29/2009 ( 23 moms have responded )

6

5

0

I pick him up from daycare and he cries and screams and won't have anything to do with me until his daddy comes home. I know I shouldn't let it, but it hurts me terribly. I'm thinking of trading in this life for my old one. :-) Not really, but it's very difficult and frustrating. Should I quit my job?

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

23 Comments

View replies by

Janet - posted on 10/06/2009

15

13

0

sometimes kids need an adjustment period. Try not to get too discouraged. If there is time when you pick him up before making dinner, play a game, go to the park...Just like you need time to decompress after work maybe this is his way of releiving stress. Good luck and this too will pass

[deleted account]

My heart goes out to you! I, also, had a similar experience with my son, when we began daycare at about the same age. One difference, is that at times my husband was able to take him, so it wasn't just me dropping him off and enduring the scene. I cannot guarantee this will ever change for you, but it took about two weeks and things did get easier. The center assured me this was not unusual behavior, and I wanted to believe them, but I couldn't. I arrived in tears at work each day.



My son did grow to love it there! After a few weeks, the drop offs became easier, and then as he grew older, he actually RACED into the building to be with his teachers and friends, and he no longer held it against me. Recently, we switched to a Montessori pre-school that is half the distance to our home, and for the first two weeks we noticed a return to some difficult behaviors. He even had trouble sleeping at night. We're in our third week now, and he has come to love it at his new school, and we are no longer fighting any issues.



Change is hard for adults, and even more difficult for children as they aren't able to express it with words as easily. A couple of things helped. 1) We developed a backpack ritual. He got to put a few things in a small backpack and take it with him. He really liked putting his special blanket in, even though he often never removed it from the backpack once he at daycare.

2) An acknowledgement of his feelings. Sometimes I just said, "I see that this is difficult for you. I hear you. I love you and I will be back soon to pick you up. Good bye!" Kiss, hug, out the door. I tried not to show any emotion but love and support until I was out of view, and then I cried my heart out.



Good luck.

Cynthia - posted on 10/06/2009

2

12

0

He will also hate you in his teen years.....but do not take it personally.They grow out of it Cindy

Daphne - posted on 10/06/2009

1

20

0

Hmmmmmm...have dad take him to daycare...then he is the bad guy for dropping him off and you are the hero for pickin him up! LOLOL!!!! I think the 2-5 years are the hardest. My son was horrid...threw temper tantrums....but I was firm with him and didn't let him get by with it. hang in there. Kids need rules and boundaries. Daycare is a reality of life. I ran a home daycare for 8 years when my son was little....If your son is in a center...maybe a home daycare would be better for him. My daycare kids looked forward to coming and didn't want to leave sometimes. Just a thought. not saying your daycare isn't a good one....maybe he needs a homey atmosphere.
He doesn't hate you...he probably loves you the most...that's why he acts that way...I know doesn't make sense.....that's kids for ya! My son cried for five months when I dropped him off at 2-year old preschool. When I left...he was fine. The teacher called it separation anxiety. Very normal.....

[deleted account]

I was a working mom and a single parent from the time my son was 5 but he started daycare when he was 14 months. I think it's good for children to go to a good daycare center to learn social skills! I have a two year old grandson that I didn't want to take to daycare and sometimes didn't even tho his dad was paying for it. His dad finally insisted that I take him but it was such a joy to watch him learn new things everyday. If I'd had a young child when I was in my 40's, I would have been a stay at home mom since I was retired by then!

Mary - posted on 10/03/2009

2

14

0

Well said,Toni - another point also - sometimes (depending on where you live), it can be difficult to find other kids for playdates on a regular basis. Some areas have great resources available for mommy/baby/toddler programs, but other areas do not.

Toni - posted on 10/03/2009

126

6

4

Don't quit your job. He's 17 mos. He won't remember any of this. He's just showing his independence. Wait til he's a teenager then says he hates you. I put my daughter in day care before she started school to get used to other people and getting instruction from someone else and she handled it fine. I was a stay at home mom then and still am but I am happy to have done it also because there they can build up their immune system so they won't get so sick oncethey attend scshool.

Mary - posted on 10/03/2009

2

14

0

Transitions have always been hard for my son (he's 10 now), so if you can hang out at the daycare for a few minutes chatting with the caregivers/kids/other parents, it may help get him out the door in a better frame of mind. My biggest issue was leaving my son - he would scream - but the ladies at the daycare were great - they would send me out, and then open the blinds for me to look in (unknown to my son), and he would already be playing with the other kids. As for quitting your job - I felt badly about going back to work, but it was a necessity, and I spoke at length with my pediatrician and he said that one of the most important things to a child's well being is that the mom (and dad) are happy. Give it time - my son who is an only child learned a lot of social skills early on...keep smilin'!

Dawn - posted on 10/02/2009

7

28

1

you never mentioned how long your son has been in daycare but it will take time for him to adjus tit's all new to him just as it is to you as for quitting your job i say if you can manage financially with out your paycheck then why not unless you are the type of mom who wants to work some moms need to have a life outside parenting and there is nothing wrong with being that way it most certainly doesnt make you a bad mom there is absolutley nothing wroing with that decsion and vice a versa if you wat to stay home with your son why not do it motherhood its self is a full-time job hope this helped a bit

Debra - posted on 10/02/2009

1

14

0

Don't quit your job. It takes approximately two weeks for kids to adjust to child care. I help run a child care center and this is very common. He doesn't hate you. Does he cry at drop off or just when you pick him up. If it's only at pick up...maybe he's mad that you are taking him from his friends and toys. He will be okay and so will you, just give it a little time.

Julie - posted on 10/02/2009

10

26

2

What everyone has said is right, it's a guilt thing, kids will try and put everything over you but he's just testing you to see how much he can get away with. Tough love! that's the key to raising kids and the old saying, "you gotta be cruel to be kind" When my youngest daughter was in pre school and day care, she had separation anxiety issues and it used to break my heart, the teacher had to hold her there crying so i could leave, when i got to the car or at home i would have a little cry myself but she's good now, most times.... her father and i are divorced now and sometimes she doesn't want to go to his place and other times she wants to go there, kids....go figure :D

Jackie - posted on 10/02/2009

2

11

0

Don't quit your job Susan, I put my daughter in daycare when she was 18 months old and eventually she got use to it. What's hard is the guilt it puts on you. I once heard that guilt was a wasted emotion, hang in their Susan it will get better and easier.

Laura - posted on 09/30/2009

1

4

0

It is so hard today for a family to survive on only one income, however I feel our future generations are crying out for help. Unfortunately the ideal family structure was lost with the Brady's and the Cleavers. In that day in age the was so much one on one and children identified with their parents who became their idols....and not their friends, tv celebs and rock stars. I have a 3year old daughter and I am 44 years old I gave up a wonderful 20 year career with Delta Air Lines to stay home with my daughter. I have exhausted my 401k and any savings to be with her. We have the most wonderful relationship. When I just recently took her to preschool to see how she did she didn't want to leave. She is feel very secure and safe and is ok when she is not with us, of course we dont leave her with anyone but family. If you can....do what you have to and be with your son as much as you can even if it means working part time...good luck

Maggie - posted on 09/30/2009

16

7

0

He will get over it. I had to put all three of my kids into someone else's care, because I had to work. Hang in there, cuz it takes about 2 weeks for the kids to adjust, but they do come around. Just wait until he is a teenager and really says "I hate u Mom!" that really hurts, esp when they are ur baby.

April - posted on 09/30/2009

9

12

1

your child won't remember it. But he will remember if you respond to him badly because of it/ Don't let it get to you just realize it is his effort at trying to gain control over his little life. try to spend more "special " tyime with him since he is in day care make a big deal of it and soon he will forget all about it as he makes more friends in daycare.

Susan - posted on 09/30/2009

6

5

0

I put him in daycare so he could be around other kids. He doesn't get much interaction with any others anyway. It just kills me that I can't "make him happy" after daycare. I walk him, play with him....Thanks for all the input, ladies.

Kathy - posted on 09/30/2009

2

16

1

Don't quit your job! He doesn't hate you, even if he may tell you he does.. Try doing something fun with him when you pick him up. Even if it's just going for ice cream or playing a game with him. He'll get used to the idea and eventually you will both be happy again!

[deleted account]

I would. I have been a stay at home mom since I was 17 and wouldn't trade one second of my time with my children for any job. My oldest is now 29 and my youngest is 12. We only have 3 still at home :(

Diana - posted on 09/29/2009

1

11

0

No. Interacting with other children is great for your child. He doesn't hate you. Once he gets used to the new surroundings you will be surprised as to how much he likes it.

Imelda - posted on 09/29/2009

11

4

1

same to me i left my first child under my fathers care for 7 years. when i took her back she was crying but i forced her to go with me. at home. i always talked to her, gave attention, everything i did to just to get love and respect to me and i succeed. so dont loose hope...quitting your job is not the solution but if you think the best way do it.

Julie - posted on 09/29/2009

10

26

2

Hi susan, it is hard working and trying to juggle kids. I was working part time for 12mths then full time for about 4mths. How old is your son? and how long has he been in care for?

Julie - posted on 09/29/2009

10

26

2

sorry i missed that, he's 17mths lol. It's a big change for him, new faces, new routines etc. If the staff at care are good at their job they will help him settle in, also talk to them about what happens when you pick him up and take him home, they might be able to suggest something to you :)

Julie - posted on 09/29/2009

10

26

2

Hi susan, it is hard working and trying to juggle kids. I was working part time for 12mths then full time for about 4mths. How old is your son? and how long has he been in care for?

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms