I have a 12 year old daughter who is depressed how do I get thru to her

Suann - posted on 03/28/2010 ( 14 moms have responded )

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She doesn't want to go to school, always tired, snaps at me for no reason, thinks I don't believe or trust her.

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Donna - posted on 04/01/2010

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Could be hormonal.It is about time for her periods. Those first few years are really rough until all that smooths out.My granddaughter is 13 and has raging PMS.If you think it is depression,please get her some help.I had it very bad as a child because I had been molested and was suicidal by 16.

Carole - posted on 03/30/2010

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You might want to take your daughter to her doctor for a physical check-up. At age 12, she is possibly beginning to enter puberty which in itself causes many changes to her body, emotions, and lots of other things. You might tell the doctor your feelings of concern about your daughter. She could indeed be suffering from "real depression." If so, there is help for her and the doctor should be able to inform you of what the help entails. I wish the best for both of you.

Suzanne - posted on 03/30/2010

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Suann, I recently went thru training for energy work(releasing trapped emotions) and when I was releasing trapped emotions in my children I was amazed at how many of them started doubting and not liking life at about that age! Hormones are changing, they are coming into the age of getting rid of the apron strings and feeling too young but old enough, and too old and want to be young. A very trying time! Find someone who can do energy work and have her release those emotions that are bugging her and maybe making her depressed! Email me back if you want my help! Protectionbiz@yahoo.com. Good luck and please before drugs, try the natural thing! Suzanne

Joan - posted on 03/29/2010

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Suann, I would make an appointment to discuss the situation with her teacher, school guidance counselor and administrator to see/hear what they have seen at school. She may be bullied or teased and not know how to handle the situation, she may have few friends and they can guide or foster healthy relationships, she may be having academic difficulties and need extra tutoring. It is hard to say, but the school should be able to help you with anything that they see at school, as well as offer some counselors in your area. The counselor my son is seeing refers to himslef as a "family coach", although it is a school issue, not neccessarily a home issue. I'd suggest not calling it her shrink or counselor, so she doesn't feel embarrassed. I completely agree with the others moms too, just make time to make a meal together or sit and watch tv together while chatting about life when they is a break. If she is not talking much then ask her first nutral subjects then more pointed about potential issues she may be dealing with, try these as conversation starters. "What do you think about ..." "What do you think she will do know?" "What would you do if ...". Brining you faith out in a big way will also give her a place to go to when she is down. Read the Bible as Evangeline suggested, bring her to your church or synagog (spelling?), or find one that you think you can feel good in when you take her if you don't already have one. Many churches offer youth groups and the youth counselors may be able to guide/foster some healthy relationships with kids that may not be at her current school. Keep in mind that the body can't be low if you put in high, meaning watch her intake of quality food and expenditure of energy. Walk the neighborhood and make time to chat. Shoot hoops at the park you took her to when she was little. Make some extra quality time with her, after all she is probably becoming a woman (or has already). Mom and daughter relationships are the best place to base many future friendships by and you are giving her the gift of quality friendship. (While still being her Mom!)

Becky - posted on 03/28/2010

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Susan, I'm with the others on this one as far as getting help goes. I was 12 and 15 when I tried to commit suicide. The first time, I didn't take enough. The second time, someone found me before it was too late. Please don't take that chance with your daughter. Find a professional for her to talk to. Make damn sure it's one that she is 100% comfortable with...and promise her that you'll take her to as many as it takes until she finds one she can talk to about ANYTHING. I wish you well, and more importantly, wish your daugther well.

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Evette - posted on 02/19/2014

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My daughter is 13 and she do not want to go to school and she is missing a lot of days. Every day she says she has a long day. Her grades are going down and when she stay home she sleeps help

[deleted account]

Hi Susan, I totally agree with all the other replies that you should get her professional help. My step daughter of 15 took an overdose last night but thank the Lord she is ok. she has been depressed for a long time & the more i try talk to her dad he says he knows he must do something but does not have money to take her. I don't have a good relationship with her mom, but now that this has happened i am all of a sudden good enought. to cut a long story short, besides my step daughter having a difficult upbringing due to her mom & dad's divorce and all the fighting amoungst the lot, her & her father are difficult and moody people. she is an only child and besides all the nonsense going on in her life, one of her best friends, also 15 yrs old committed suicide 3 weeks ago and this has just pushed her over the edge. between her mom, dad & myself, we are not too sure how to handle this. her mom & dad are totally at a loss whereas i am trying to calm them & have suggested that we keep the peace amomgst us for her sake and get proffessional help and to keep her very busy. She hardly ever has friends over and has no siblings besides my own 3 children which are much older than her & have moved out already but are more than willing to help wherever they can. any suggestions will be welcome.

Gloria - posted on 03/31/2010

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Susan, your daughter needs professional help rignt now. Depression is a medical condition, a very dangerous one and needs to be treated with medication. Consult a psychiatrist and also ask for family therapy so that you can be given tools and teach you how to deal with her condition, if indeed she is diagnosed with depression. Unfortunately, this can also be something else, she could have been abused by someone and this can be causing her to behave this way and to get defenssive when you try to talk to her. If abuse is the case, she might be feeling guilty and is pulling away from you. Again, you need to take her to a professional to determine the reason why she has changed.
I really hope it is only her going through her tween/teen age changes and wish you both the best.

Pamela - posted on 03/29/2010

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have you tried to understand what she wants or just demanding she talks to you? my 11 yoa son went through this I gave him a notebook to write all his troubles down, I got with the school counslers to see if they could help, have you had something bad happen? has she started her period? have you taken her to the doctor to see if she was touched in anyway, it happens & the childern thinknits their fault, has her & her bf had a fight over something? did a boy say or do something to her? try listening to what she's not saying before you ask her whats wrong, sometines we as parents demand that they talk when all we need to do is listen. try this & see if it works.

Evangeline - posted on 03/28/2010

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Maybe you can try praying together and receiving sacraments together. Read the Bible to her starting with Matthew chapter 5 on the 8 beatitudes and about the call to be a light of the world. Hope is found in the Lord. How is her belief in the Almighty?

Glenda - posted on 03/28/2010

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The thing that really stands out to me in this is the statement you made that " you dont trust her" that would make me depressed. A mother is someone you should be able to go to, and fall into her arms and let go completly. It sounds like the relationship is in need of help, before you can help her. I would be extremely concerned that something is not right, Teasing hurts, and it does sound like someone is not being nice to her, I would approach her with gentle love and kindness, get help before something bad happens. good luck, glenda

Dawn - posted on 03/28/2010

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Get her help. Even if its through the school. I have a son that is 23 now but he has had problems pretty much all his life. While in elementray school he visited weekly with the school phycologist and it was amazing what they can get out of a child that the childs own parent can get out of them. For instance the reason while he didn't want to go to school was he was afraid that something was going to happen to his mom while he was at school. That was one of the things the phycologist got out of him. The schools professionals really do have ways of getting a child to open up. I was reallt impressed. Oh, don't mention to your daughter that someone will be taking her out of class to talk tp her. this way if she feslls that she wats to tell you what they discussed or even if she don;t want to tell you about this person. you will get updated by phone. I never asked my son anything about his conversations. Eventually he told me and he wasn;t mad at all.

Jayne - posted on 03/28/2010

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Susan, I am bi-polar and had a hardtime with depression as a young teen and take meds for it now. I also have a teenager that is bi-polar and his depression can get really bad. Don't let ur daughter isolate herself. This is only my opion but I started taking my son to mental health because it helped me. I tried suicide 2 times years back and don't want him to go through that. He is on meds. now and is doing much better !! Meds. don't solve everything and are not right for everyone but it has helped him with his adhd and his depression. Try getting her to talk first but if she won't you might want to take her to a Psyc. Just going by my expirience. Jayne

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