I'm a mother of two grown sons, both married, how is everyone's relationship to their sons and wives?

Jeanmarie Sansaver - posted on 07/30/2012

I am mom to two grown sons also, one is married and the other one is not but is living with his child's mother. I also have a daughter who is married too, and they have two kids. I get along with my son's wife very well. And my other son's girlfriend I get along with too. I admit I do not see my kids as often as I want too. Everyone is so busy living their lives and raising their own kids now.

Margaret - posted on 07/28/2012

I have two grown biological sons and two grown step sons ages 31 to 25. My bio. sons (31 and 25 y/o) and both getting married next year. The two steps are already married. I have no daughters. All four women are not close to their mothers for a variety of reasons however I recognize women are the social leaders in a marriage. I have to work at bonding with the DILs in order to keep connected to the "little family's" as a whole. I've read several things on mother/son relationships and one thing that stuck is how much we have in common with our sons. If we want to have close relationships, we have to have things in common to talk about. If its important enough, there is also a place where we need to work. In other words, it seems as if the ground is there for us to cultivate, but under most circumstances, the mother side of the relationship will be doing most of the work. After all, they focus on the new things in their lives, we focus on what we've had in our lives for years...them. I also read from several women that the solution is to move on to new things in our own lives. I'm fearful of that solution because it is probably how alienation happens between mothers and sons. They focus on their lives and won't naturally work hard at keeping us close so if we move on without working on the relationship, most hope for closeness will be lost, I'm afraid. I see these two perspectives as both having merit depending on what a person wants...1. closeness (whatever that means to you) with work but some heartache when expectations aren't met (expectations are failure on the installment plan) OR heartache during the departure but freedom from focusing on our sons as the source of our happiness. What do others think?

Norma - posted on 11/23/2011

Accept the wives as daughters. You can love them if you let yourself see them as special additions to your family. I am closer to my son's wives now than I am to my sons. When one of my sons divorced, I still cared for his wife and missed our friendship. I never interfered in their personal lives. The wives were the ones that bought the Christmes gifts, mothers day gifts and talked on the phone, Now that I am in my eighties they worry about my health just as they did with their own children.
I am blessed

Iris - posted on 01/25/2010

Oh my! I have four grown sons, ages 36, 28, 26, and 19. Two of which are married and the two younger ones remain single. The two daughter in-laws that I have are needless to say very, very different! My older son has two children on of which is a step son but we love him as if he were our own and a beautiful little daughter. Let me say I think we spoil the boy more than the girl, but I think others might say we spoil them just the same, we just love them! His wife is wonderful I could not ask for a better companion for my son, they have had their rough times but she has stood beside him during the time that he really needed her . . . when most young women would leave. My second oldest son marrie a woman that is six years younger than I and I found it a little difficult to deal with her, or should I say she found it difficult to deal with me haha! They have recently split and then reconciled, but my son in all his wisdom has chosen to make efforts to work things out, to assure that he has done everything possible to make this marriage work and have no regrets or "what ifs" should he end it now. And of course he loves her still I have not let their marriages get in the way of our relationship, even though at times it was very difficult and at times I had to side with their companions because what they were doing was wrong, I knew it and they knew it and I have aways shown them that wrong is wrong and being my son doesn't make it right, in other words I won't bail them out if they are at fault. They have to learn from their mistakes and not mine as much as I wish it were the other way around.

Zoraida - posted on 01/25/2010

my is beautiful thank GOD.

Estrella - posted on 01/25/2010

I'm a mother of two grown sons 23 and 31 yrs old. My oldest son is married and has 2 children 2 and 4 yrs old. What it hurts me the most is that i can't see my grand children as often as i can because they leave in Okinawa, Japan. My son was stationed there since last year. My daughter in-law and I get along very well. She is a wonderful wife and mother to my son and my grand children.

My youngest son leaves closer to me and i just now found out that her fiancé is pregnant and planning to get married as soon as possible. I also get along with her.

I am very lucky because both of my sons calls me at least twice a week to check on me and tells me what has been going on with their lives. My oldest son is always making sure that i get to talk to my grand children every time he calls.

Loretta - posted on 01/25/2010

Mother of three grown sons and my relationship with their wives is great! Mutual respect and no censureship. I am the patron Mom to all but we honestly share our opinions, likes and dislikes and work to resolve differences! Sometimes my sons think I love their wives more, but I don't interfer in their business and if I am asked a question I honestly give them my best answer regardless of whose side it may lean toward!

Debbie - posted on 01/24/2010

Iam very lucky, I have a good relationship with my son's wife. I try and remember all the things my mother-in-law did to me that I did'nt like and try not to do them to my daughter-in-law. The other thing I do is tell her & treat her as if she were my daughter. I always remember important days & I pick out gifts I know she wants & the most thoughtful & loving cards I can find.

Debbie - posted on 01/24/2010

I have 3 grown sons and they all have girlfriends. I get along pretty well with all of them. One girlfriend I have yet to figure out but it is coming along. I make sure I give them their space and not be pushy because I want to stay involved in their lives. If I push they may not want me there. I am a friend and sometimes a mom if needed. :)

Terri - posted on 01/24/2010

I'm a mother of 2 grown son's, 24 and 20. The oldest is married and has a son. It breaks my heart so bad because they have settled in Florida where the wife's family is a 1000 miles away from me. I will be the grandma my grandson see's only about once a year and just in pictures the rest of the time. I agree the daughter's are close to their mom's and son's close to their wives. I never had a daughter, wish I had so I can experience that mother daughter closeness.

Lisa - posted on 01/23/2010

I'm close to each of my grown sons in different ways. 24 yr old has girl, mother of 6 yr old g-son, they have been together for almost 7 yrs., ok with communication, but we have different views of motherhood. Tuff to keep quiet! Other son 18 yrs, just joined military. Very self suffient, wants his own security. very tight with both.

Sandi - posted on 01/23/2010

my daughter has been married twice, the first was a disaster! we really disliked the guy and he turned out to be a real dud! she finally found that out on her own and divorced the guy. she is now remarried to a wonderful man with a great family. i think that if we had been too vocal about our dislike of the first husband it may have caused some problems in our relationship. i am glad that it did work out ok but i realize that we have no control over what our grown children chose to do.

Premilla - posted on 01/23/2010

HI I am mum with 3 grown childrens have not reached the stage of any daughter or son in law just wish all of you the best in your relationship

Tammy - posted on 01/23/2010

My son and I get along great! His wife and I are very close. She is considered my daughter not my daughter in law.

Connie - posted on 01/23/2010

I am a Mom of 2 Wonderful Grown Sons!! James is married & has 4 lil kids (my Beautiful Grandkids) 3 Girls ,5,4,3 & a Baby Boy 11mts.. Charles is in a relationship!! I have a Great Relationship with both of my Sons!

Lorraine - posted on 01/22/2010

Hi...I have 3 grown children and one teenager at home...the three grown children, two sons and one daughter, our relationships are good. I love the son-n-law and my daughter-n-law....but my oldest son is separated from his girlfriend, the mother of my oldest granddaughter. I thank God that he confides in me and has made a decision to stay separated and move forward. He was torn between going back to his gf or staying single,...well things are looking great for him, he got a promotion to a salaried position and is completing his college degree. I always make him aware that Im there for him as well as his brothers and sister and aunts and uncles. Yes it isnt the same as a companion, gf, and I should know I have been single now for 3 years, but he stays in prayer and has faith, as we do. So I will keep him closer to me, like a mother hen. :)

Tammie - posted on 01/21/2010

I have three wonderful sons, 27, 25 and 20. My oldest son was in a relationship with this gal he thought he was in love with, and he very well might have been. At first I liked her well enough, she was cute, smart, and seemed to care for my son. After several months she cheated on my son. This turned his world upside down. At first I was so angry with her because of how it affected my son. He wanted to work things out, which I didn't aprove of but kept to myself. Eventually I too wanted this relationship to work, because my son wanted it so much. They recently split up. She broke his heart again. As much as I want to be glad that she is now out of his life I am feel sad that this relationship ended. I know that no matter who my children are with, I will love them, if only because my children love them.

Debbie - posted on 01/21/2010

Yes, I've found also that daughters will always be closer to their own moms and sons to their wives, And yet, we are close to each of them in different ways. I'm thankful for each one since they are all unique and it has been a learning experience!

Cindy - posted on 01/21/2010

Debbie, I myself have grown sons who I raised myself and I have since bee remarried. We are all very close and the daughter in laws that I have at first had to get use to the fact they were mama's boys. We have since broken some of those apron strings and I can honestly say that my daughter in laws and I are closer for it. Do i have the perfect relationship with them? NO but; I think they are good for my sons and God says that we part from our parents to take a wife. My grandchildren are my joy now and I am thankful I get to be a part of their lives.

Yvette - posted on 01/21/2010

I am the mother of 3 grown sons. My oldest is married for the second time. I love my daughter-in-law. Sometimes the things they do are very aggrivating to me. Daughters lean to thier mothers and sons lean to thier wives.