I'm sick of buying pull-ups for my 6 year old boy!

Carol - posted on 09/28/2009 ( 10 moms have responded )

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I am going crazy.....My 6 year old son, Alex, was adopted at birth through the foster system...He was born crack addicted....I have not have luck with potty training....Well...let start again. A year ago just before he started Pre-K5 he attained the day potty training goal...YEA! Then in February of this year....he regressed and it doesn't matter what we do...spank, bribe, reward, make him do his own pee pant laundry, nothing, nothing works.......We've had him to the doctor...a urologist, a neurologist and now a counselor....they all say they find nothing wrong.....Yeah, so trying to get my 3 1/2 year old trained at this point feels like some sort of sick joke....Please...HELP

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Diane - posted on 09/29/2009

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Each child is individual and although I understand your frustration...he may be even more frustrated and not know how to express it. My son was a bedwetter all the way up to the age of 10....he was also a victim of child abuse by a roomate of mine when he was 18months. What I'm trying to say is it may be post trauma...considering his circumstances when he was born. My advice...is stay positive..use only positive reinforcements....like "I know how hard this must be...but dont worry...someday you'll be able to get thru the nite without these pullups...stay positive Buddy"....it worked with me....scolding and belittling only makes them feel more like a failure. When it comes to cleaning up...participate with him...and talk about the time the two of you will spend collecting leaves or rocks and learning about them once he has outgrown the bed wetting and you arent cleaning up together. Let him know you have his back...and you always will. It sure helped with mine....Positivity is the KEY.

You can do it...so can he.

Diane

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Rita - posted on 10/06/2009

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he is going to pick up on your emotions about this. if you make a big deal out of it, hes going to make a big deal. Reward him when he does good, otherwise let it be. He is who he is and please, for no reason should this become a bad experience for him with punishing, etc etc. You are going to need a lot.. A LOT of patience with this, just try to be understanding. Thanks for sharing this, its a difficult situation and Bless you for adopting him. He is very .lucky to have a mom like you !!!

Angela - posted on 10/06/2009

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I am sorry to hear your having problems. I think this comment I have will sound strange to you but it will work if you are consistant. Turn it around on him and praise him for trying. I mean when you see his pull up is wet again, you help him take it off and put on a new one and you say this " I am so excited , you tried so hard to make it to the potty and just had an accident, I am so proud of you for trying to potty like a big boy. Here let's put on a new one and try again. This time we will try real hard" you look him in eyes and you make him believe you mean it. you stay pepy and happy while in front of him. Keep doing this no matter how many days it takes. This little guy is going to want to make mama happy and try to make it to the potty. When he does successfully do it you need to be overly happy great hugs and a trip to McDonalds for a 99 cent sundae. It will take a while but make sure your face and eyes appear to mean what you are saying they study your face real closely make sure you make him feel what you are saying. I hope this works for you. Hang in there and lift the guy in prayer he will come around you are such a great mom to share your need today for ideas on this issue.

Donna - posted on 10/05/2009

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Stay strong, stay positive. I have a seven year old who still can't make it through the night. But that doesn't seem to be your little one's problem. Find out if he knows why he can't get to the bathroom in time, be positive, helpful and supportive...even if you have to run outside and scream your head off when he's not around to hear. Keep sharing ... and reaching out to him. Did his regression start with the 3 1/2 year old trying to get trained? Maybe he's jealous of the attention...

Rene - posted on 10/05/2009

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I agree with Diane Williams. Be positive. I have twin 4 year old boys. One was potty trained completey by 3 years old and the other still has problems at night. We continually say it's ok and we will try again tonight. I do what ever I can to have a nightlight on for him to go to the bathroom. We all do the dry undies dance when he wakes up with dry bottoms. It takes a while and a lot of laundry, but we are getting less and less wet pants. I quit putting pull ups on him when he had a good dry week. When I put the pull ups back on him, he regressed back to lazyness. So it sounds ugly, but he wears undies and he helps me strip the bed when it's wet. We aren't mean about it. but he is getting better. Good luck. Lots of love and positive reinforcement could help.

JANIS - posted on 10/04/2009

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KEEP BUYING PULL-UPS. EVENTUALLY HE'LL DECIDE HE DOESN'T WANT TO SIT IN HIS OWN PEE ANYMORE. IF THE DOCTORS CANT FIND ANYTHING WRONG WITH HIM , IF IT WERE ME, I WOULD IGNORE IT AND DON'T MAKE AN ISSUE OUT OF IT ANYMORE. HE MAY LIKE THE ATTENTION FROM IT, NEGATIVE OR NOT. IT'LL BE HARD TO DO, BUT YOU CAN DO IT. DON'T GIVE HIM ANY ATTENTION FROM IT AT ALL. TRY IT, YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE!

Patty - posted on 10/02/2009

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My daughter went thruogh a set back around 5, she was stressed out by the whole sepration idea of going to school. we had a great teacher who told to just pack extra clothes including pull ups and panties in a bag to sent to school. Then set her down before hand and explain in a nice quite manner that other childern her age do not use pull ups or wet thier pants and they might be made fun of at school if they smell like pee,but if they want to then it is up to her to be sure and clean up each time so that other childern do not make fun of them. Show the child the clean clothes and let them decide if they want to use big boy under pants or pull ups. Then as hard as it is don't say anything more just besure to keep the clothes in the bag replaced everyday. Be sure to give this child all the love and time they need just as you would any child, some time by ingoring these behavors and giving the child time to take control of thier own life it will help them to do just that.

I also didn't get my older child potty trained until the next one was ready but remember each child is different and the needs to be treated on thier own account. My 2 younger girls both potty trained much easier then the older 2 and at a younger age, the last by 9 months. So don't get upset by this your sons set backs.

I can't help but feel that if you make too big a deal out of a set back like this it just makes everyone unset and gives you more stress.

Kim - posted on 10/02/2009

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I am speechless and if u knew me it would be quite the sight. Maybe when the 31/2 is on the good road the other will see how easy it is. Good luck

Connie - posted on 09/30/2009

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Don't make a big deal out of it. He probably is embarassed and ashamed that he wets his pants. Some children have deep-seated psychological injuries that take years to overcome. I am an RN and have worked with children who were born with fetal alcohol syndrome and some who were crack-addicted. Help your son understand that he is not bad or stupid or a baby. Let him wear the pull ups but also provide him with some regular underwear (maybe let him pick them out). Don't force him to wear them, just let him know they are there when he's ready. Anxiety over disappointing you may be adding to the issue. If you have taken him to all those doctors and they can't find anything physically wrong, maybe trying a different approach will work. As for potty training your other child, go ahead. Keeping everything as normal as possible for both of your children seems best. And, never compare them to one another. They aren't the same people and they (just like the rest of us) need to feel safe and loved no matter what. Besides, there are worse things than wetting your pants. My friend has a son (now 17) who dove into a shallow pool and broke his neck when he was 5. He is paralyzed from mid-chest down and I am sure his mother would gladly put up with buying pull ups for wetting his pants if she could trade that for his wheelchair.

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you didnt say if he was being defiant or remorseful when his accidents occour. i cant help but wonder if his being crack addicted at birth has something to do with the situation. i do know that a certain percentage of the population have bedwetting problems for years and years. my son had this problem (only at night) until he was 14 and still has accidents every once in a great while, and he was born completely healthy. although he has been diagnosed ADD. anyway, not sure if this helps, but sometimes its good to knoiw you're not the only one dealing with these kinds of difficult issues. my son had what the doctors called eursis, maybe you can ask your Dr. if thats maybe what's going on with your son. good luck

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