Is 44 too old to have a baby with your new husband to complete your family?

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Kelly - posted on 01/13/2013

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Don't let anyone's opinion tell you that you are too old to do anything that you want! If you want another child and are physically capable.. do it! I am sooo tired of people thinking they r too old at 35 or 38 or 41 or 44.. No one here is dead yet.. LIVE!! LIVE to the Fullest! You are only too old to have a child when nature says so, not a magazine, out dated statistics or your opinionated long time friend. If you can get pregnant and want to.. DO IT!!! and enjoy! God Bless :)

Kerri - posted on 07/23/2009

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do you have to ask this Q. Dont be stupid, your child bearing days are over, get on with your own life

Jodie - posted on 11/11/2013

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I say no. My mother started her first family at age 19 with 5 children practically in a row. She skipped 7 years and had my brother, another 7 years and I showed up. By then she was 42 and my dad was 53. When I was 4 she developed RA. My dad had his first heart attack at 55 and cancer surgery when he was 58. My mom was pregnant with me at the same time my oldest sister was pg with her second child. There was no money all I ever heard was we can afford that. I wore home sewn clothes that looked like home sewn clothes. There were no vacations, no friends over because we made too much noise. Music was too noisy also. My teen years were like living in an nursing home. If one wasnt sick the other one was. My older siblings had families of their and really did not care about me or my parents yet I was supposed to take care of them. So be sure you are in excellent health and have good income and a support system because no teen should have be raised in a nursing home situation. Its way too much responsibility and absolutely no fun. I know thats why I chose not to have children of my own. I had too much responsibilty as a teen and no fun as a teen should have. Please think before you conceive.
Best Wishes

Km - posted on 12/09/2013

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Not at all. I was 42 when I had my first beautiful healthy baby! The timing was not my choice; I had wanted to be pregnant in my 30's but that was not to be. After two miscarriages, and turning 40, I figured that I wasn't meant to have any babies. But then I found myself pregnant and at 10 weeks into my pregnancy I heard my unborn baby's heartbeat. I was thrilled to say the least. I was nursing her and when she was 6 months old I found out I was pregnant again! I had a healthy baby boy when I was 44 yrs old. I am now 60 and am in receipt of child tax benefit and Canada pension plan. My children are are 15 months apart, age 18 and 16 years. They will always be my miracle babies and are the greatest blessing in my life. They keep me young. :).
Good luck to you!

Chet - posted on 01/09/2014

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I've known people who had older parents, and it wasn't always ideal. Many were in their twenties when their parents died or started really showing their age. And we definitely know people in their thirties now who feel spread pretty thin - caring for their own young children and also trying to support parents in their 70s or early 80s. Thinking back to high school too, there were certainly kids with older parents who were tired and out of touch with the younger generation and that was hard. All of that said though, none of the kids ever said I wish I'd never been born even if they did wish their parents were younger. I think it's optimal if you can have all of your kids before you're 35, but nobody's life is perfect. The human condition is about making the best of the circumstances you have.

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Ca - posted on 01/08/2014

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Excuse me, I addressed my comment to a commenter by the name of kelli - her name is kerri green according to another commenter.

Ca - posted on 01/08/2014

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kelli, your comment is very mean spirited and cruel. We are supposed to be supporting eachother as women. I remember a supermarket clerk who was 44 yrs old in the town I used to live in. I asked her if she was pregnant and expressed to her how excited I was for her. She broke down in tears and told me thst she wished her husband, family, and friends were as supportive. She said she was extremely miserable at what should have been a happy time in her life. I tried to support her as much as I could. I moved away before she gave birth but I hope God has blessed her and she is doing well. I just turned 49 and am planning to have a baby in the next three years myself.

Sarah - posted on 12/09/2013

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I'm 43, and my youngest is 5 months, and just gorgeous, all smiles, smart as a whip (hey, I can tell! LOL..) One of the biggest cons for me was the pregnancy, it was MISERABLE. I can't say that enough, I hated being pregnant. Now, this was a 4th pregnancy, my 3rd one over the age of 35, but I was sicker than a dog, hurt horribly, and she ended up being breech, but then, so was the first, so go figure (2 vaginal births in between). Be prepared, it may not be a picnic. And there are the risks that go with having a baby that old, but I don't know, you can't live your life like that, you just have to go for it and pray that you won't be given anything you can't handle. I could not handle a special needs child, I know this. I have had to be honest. I couldn't do it. But maybe you're ok with that. I suppose we readjust our expectations, etc... but it's something I am glad I wasn't burdened with, truth be told. All in all, it was totally worth it to me, even realizing how OLD I'll be when she gets older. But I don't really, have never, acted my age, lol... and I don't plan to start now!

Julie - posted on 12/09/2013

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hi Jodie- thanks for your message. I sometime feel I am the only woman in the world that has chosen not to have kids.. My situation is very similar to yours. I had to help upbring my nieces and nephew and that was enough for me. Now in my early 40's i have chosen not to have kids of my own. Its so nice to see your message. :) have a great day

Kamella - posted on 11/15/2013

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The age difference between my oldest step-son and our youngest daughter is 19 yrs! If you are physically healthy and emotionally and financially secure...go for it!! I am not sure when you had your other children, but just be ready for the large difference between your energy then and your energy now...expect it, and be kind to yourself. And try really hard to resist throat punching the OB office nurses the insist on loudly and repeatedly stating the fact that you need this, that and the other extra things because "YOU ARE NOW OVER 35!"...jerks!!! Good Luck! :)

Erika - posted on 11/13/2013

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Angel La Liberte' thank you for your encouraging words... I'm excited!! Erika

Erika - posted on 11/13/2013

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Angel La Liberte' thank you for your encouraging words... I'm excited!! Erika

Erika - posted on 11/13/2013

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Hello Cevia Reynolds Can you give us an update on how your pregnancy is coming along... Thank you Erika

User - posted on 09/11/2013

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Cevia - posted on 09/04/2013

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well Im 52 and my husband is 49 and i found out yesterday that I am now two months pregnant and we are thrilled .I also have a 10 yr old boy and 4 grown children . My kids think it is great too . i always thought I was too old too , guess not . Im going to love having a baby again . I dont care what anyone else thinks .

Sophia - posted on 11/03/2012

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I am not being mean ... but what if you have a child with special needs .. how complete will you / husband be. at 44 your chance is high that you may have such a child... are you willing to find out ? its alot of work are you ready for a child that may never stop needing you ?

Angel - posted on 10/15/2012

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Loise, I had my second child at exactly 44! She's 7 years old now and I can tell you that she's perfect and beautiful. However, I did meet some challenges on the way. Being the oldest mom at preschool was a bit weird and rather isolating. Now, I'm going through perimenopause, and will be in full swing when she becomes a tween. It helps to look down the road and imagine some of the challenges you will encounter. But I can also tell you that she's the love of my life and I wouldn't change a thing, except looking at ways i can extend my life to be there for her.

Here's a helpful article by a well known fertility doctor discussing the facts on conceiving after 40: http://flowerpowermom.com/secrets-concep... You should probably get to your doc right away and get a referral so that your fertility can be tested and you can find out where you stand.

Frances - posted on 09/07/2012

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Hi I am in such a dilema, have a 7 year old girl and 5 year old boy and seriously thinking of having one more, I plan on maybe trying next year so by the time the baby is born I would be coming 44, is this too old. I dare not tell my husband that I am even entertaining the idea as he would be piling the pressure on big time, he soooo wants one more. I always thought that two was enough for me and with one of each well it was happy days, I honestly can say I never thought I would be saying or even contemplating having one more. I know the kids would just adore a baby in the house and my little girl would be so helpful, as for my little boy he just loves babies to bits and he would also be so kind and hands on. My husband would be good enough at helping but works long hours and I would be doing a lot of it on my own. Am I been too practical, could I cope with another baby, sleepless nights, homework with the other two with a baby on board etc... financially I know we would be ok but mentally at 44 could I cope. I know my time is limited and its now or never. My periods are becoming slightly more unpredicable the they were which gets me thinking do I do this now or forever live to regret it. Please advise me because I cannot make up my mind, I need someone to make it up for me. Help!!!!

If I finally do decide to go for it then I will shock hubby by telling him ok lets just do this but if I decide against it then he will no no better, all I need is to know if I can do this myself??????

Jackie - posted on 08/02/2009

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hi louise i am 41 and have just had a baby she is 2 weeks old i must admit i was very tired during my pregnancy but that could of been the long hours i was working but she is the most wonderful little thing that ever happened to me and i am gonna try and have another as soon as possible

Tami - posted on 08/02/2009

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It's never to late,I was 44 when I had my only son,I have 3 daughters 30,26,8 and my son is 5 now and I will be 50 next month.He is such a joy,do it,you will love being an older mom.

Teresa - posted on 08/02/2009

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I had my first 2 years ago and I'm going to be 42 in October. We're trying again. If you're worried about your health or the baby's health then you can probably have a consult with a perinatologist before trying to get pregnant. I was with one as my ob for my first son due to my health issues and he's going to be taking care of us again if we can get pregnant again. Its tough being older and chasing a toddler but I think I have much more patience for certain things now then I would have when I was younger. There are good things and less good things about doing it older but every morning when my son reaches for me to take him out of his crib and he gives me a big hug and yells, "Mommy!" then it makes all of the difficulties worth it and it make sth egood times even better.



Good luck with your decision!

Christina - posted on 08/01/2009

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It is a choice that only you and your husband can make. Obviously as many others have said, know the risks and be educated so you can make the very best decision you can. For those who post saying it is selfish to the child I have to say that it is their opinion based on their experiences but certainly not the sentence for every child of 40+ parents.



Consider this, your parenting will determine the environment your child is raised. A 40+ parent of a baby is as qualified as any to provide a loving, stable, healthy, safe and nurturing environment. (maybe moreso given your life experience!) So if you're 66 at a high school graduation, but your child has had a fulfilling childhood, I doubt they're going to care about other's perceptions.



I married when I was 20. We tried and tried to conceive. We were finally successful when I was 31 - only to lose our little girl during a pre-term delivery. It devastated us and we tried again a few years later with no success and eventually gave up. It was when a specialist I was seeing looked over my medical records that he informed me that my situation wasn't as dire as I had been led to believe and that I had a 90% chance of a viable pregnancy to term(I was 38 at the time). My husband and I took 6 months of long hard consideration about whether or not to pursue due to our ages. We did decide to see fertility specialists to start trying again. At our first consultation, we had no idea that I was already 3 weeks along - No fertility drugs - No thermometers - No charts! It was meant to be. My pregnancy was followed closely, and Liam was born at 39 weeks with no complications and is a healthy child. He was the best "19th Wedding Anniversary present" we could have received!



Sure I ache sometimes, and know if I was 30 instead of 40, I might have more energy. But my son is loved, is attended to, is played with, is nurtured and our ages will not affect that.



Consider that my husband, adopted and raised by his disabled elderly grandparents, did not want to be an "old" daddy. He realized that he could choose how to parent, that his age did not determine how he would raise his son.



We have a very happy family and the decision to try in our 40's worked for us. You are the only ones who can determine if the same would work for you. God bless :)

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I am 45 and I have a 21 year old son. I had my son at 24 so that he would have the maximum number of years with his parents living. I remember growing up with one girl in my 5th grade class with "ancient" parents. They were in their fifties but at our age of ten, they were the same age as all her classmates grandparents. I think it was hard for her. Your child won;t know the difference and certainly millions of people have put off having children into their 40's. What will you do if that amnio comes back with a Downs syndrome child? That risk increases as we age. Are you going to be up to parenting that teen when you are pushing 60? Will you have the energy to keep up with an active toddler? Does heart disease run in your husband;s family that could take him early leaving you with a young child on your own? There are lots of pros and cons. You have to make the choice yourselves. For ME it would be a no. I know I don't have the stamina anymore. I would want my child to have me in their life for many more years than a mid life baby can offer. I would adopt an older child perhaps, but not have one of my own. I would put my energy into my relationship and enjoy the time with my man.

User - posted on 07/31/2009

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I had my fourth at 43. He's happy, feisty and brilliant. There are risks and sometimes it's difficult to GET pregnant at our age. But if you don't feel "complete" you really should. Best of luck!

Pamela - posted on 07/31/2009

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I had my son when I was 46. he is my only child. My first husband had 3 with previous wives and had had a vasectomy so I helped raise them, but I always knew I was suppose to have a son. Family were very concerned about having a baby that late but I was very healthy. It did take a toll on me, I can't lose the weight, and now I have high blood pressure. I would do it all over again to have my son (who is now 9). I do wish I had more energy (and lower back strength), but I am settled and don't think about all the things I could be doing if I didn't have him to care for. I am a single mom & a teacher so my plate is really full. It does help tremendously that my mother lives close by, but she is too old to take him for too long on her own.

Theresa - posted on 07/30/2009

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in respondce to your question and one of the above posting ,,, I decided to UNTIE my tubes to have another child. And like others have said she has been the brightness in my day that keeps me going. But as she has gotten older and more spoiled, she back talks alot. Some days making me feel why did I do this ... I could be on a beach somewhere! Daily sacrifices are made with today's economy. Everything is so expensive. From the clothes they want, to the cost of and at school, medical and dental, the list goes on. In short my answer wow ... I love her greatly but if I known then what I know now I'm not sure I would have done it. My health, her health, and at the same time ,,,,, Me and her against the world! Good luck on your decession Look at the health of your parents, family and siblings to know what your health may be down the road and ask your self can I handle it with a child in tow. Can you fully help all who are expecting you to help them [taking care of a parent but needing time with your child?, needing time out of your stessful life, but faced with helping your child in stressful issue {in other words no time out, cause one leaves you with more time to stress over the other}] BUT the biggest question If you have this child together and something happens ARE you prepared enough in your life to raise this child alone? Life is full of twist and turns and nothing is permanant.

These are big, big issues that I never thought of then, but as I said, I love her dearly and we face this world together, we will be strong, and we will end up with a great life! Good luck in your journey of life and may it forever be without regrets.

Shawnee - posted on 07/30/2009

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It is never to late but there are a lot to consider. I am 47 and I adopted my grand daughter at birth and she is now 5 and boy does she have the energy. It is so diffrent from raising my 3 grown children. I thought I was in good health when I made the decision to adopt her and I ended up having heart attack 2 years ago So you really never know as far as your health. But if you want a child bad enough that your willing to take that chance Then all I can say is Go For It!!!

Janette - posted on 07/30/2009

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No, I was nearly 42 when my little girl was born into my second marriage. My eldest daughter is now 21 (next month) and has two small tots and my little one is 4 and has other little ones to play with and a big sister who adores her and we swap babysitting and advice.

Antoinette - posted on 07/29/2009

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on No.. Girl, go for it. If your husband want a child and you're healthy have that bundle of joy

Melissa - posted on 07/29/2009

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A husband and wife is a complete family, children are welcome additions! I say go for it, your days are numbered from the time you enter this world and you get only one go around. You don't want to be 60 with regrets, and children are not regrets. I am 41 this year and we are adopting an infant who is a sibling to three we adopted nine years ago! She will be in kindergarden when the next youngest is a senior in high school! YeeHaw! There is nothing more precious or more important that sharing your journey in life with people you love, and no matter what, you always love your kids! BTW, baby makes 10 for us!

[deleted account]

i dont think 44 is too old at all...i had my last one at 41, and although my son teases me about being an older mom, it was worth it...i do sometimes have to deal with issues of energy, but i am trying to take care of that by taking better care of my body. My little guy, who is now 12, is dealing though w/his own issues of mortality and mine as well, and we are seeing counselors for that...he always says he wishes i were a younger mom...:( but its still worth it)

Jacqueline - posted on 07/29/2009

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No Lousie...Go for it there is no set age or time on when you should have a baby...If everything is ok with you and your partner i would say go ahead and good luck xx

Sharon - posted on 07/28/2009

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no it really depend on you an how ur feelin, some poeple find it much better havin a baby in later life some people thin that it unfair on the child that u meant not hav enough time with them but how i see it,it dont matter what age u have ur child it will show how much u want them by showin them lov, we do not know how much time we hav a this earth so 4 me if u want a baby later in life go 4 it

User - posted on 07/28/2009

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I'm sorry but why do you think that having a new baby would complete your family? Isn't everything good the way it is? Sorry, but I'm 49 and if someone feels that having a new baby would complete the family...I would tell them "I don't think so", if we aren't enough to complete this family, then maybe I'm not the one for you.

CJ - posted on 07/28/2009

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Hello Louise,

I personally would not want to begin raising a child at my current age, but I can say go for it. If you are healthy enough and have the energy to do what is necessary... then have at it.



for Kerri Green who posted:

"do you have to ask this Q. Dont be stupid, your child bearing days are over, get on with your own life"



We don't have the right to sit in judgment over others. This is a personal choice for Louise, just like not having a child is a personal choice for many others of us... Louise is not stupid just because she thinks differently than you do. Please think before you speak - there is no good that comes from being deliberately hurtful.

Jenny - posted on 07/27/2009

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Think long and hard. My mom was 45 when I was born. Everyone thought she was my grandma in school. It was embarrassing. I had a child at 40. I think it's important if you choose to do this to make every effort to remain youthful looking and thinking for that child. I'm 46 and raising a 6 year old and sometimes it's hard to see my friends who are done raising kids going on cruises and doing things I'm still too tied down to do. But overall, I'm very thankful I have him. He's worth it all andhe keeps me young.

Traciw - posted on 07/25/2009

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I don't think it's too old to have a baby. At 42, I have a 2 year old and a 7 year old. I keep up with them and we have a happy life together. However, it is going to be a personal commitment for me not to be too old at 54 to handle a 12 year old. It's good to envision what life will be like when you are 50, 55, 60 and this young person is still needing you.

[deleted account]

NO WAY!! If you are wanting a baby then ask god to bless you with one,But just weigh all your options.I am fifty and sometimes I wonder but I can never have any more babies due to medical reason.Good Luck!!!

[deleted account]

I had 4 children and my husband had 5. we had a beautiful baby girl. i was 43 he was 51. she is 2 1/2 and she lights up our lives. it was hard at first the other kids gave us a real hard timeabout itbut now everyone loves her. i worry about being an old mom but god has a plan. she was born an aunt. i say if you want another child go for it :)

Sara - posted on 07/24/2009

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Well I have to say I was 42 when I had my daughter, I also have a 24 and 16 year old . It all depends on your health and your doctor's opinion.

Rosemonde - posted on 07/24/2009

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Dear Louise,

I say NO! You go ahead and have that baby..just make sure that you have wonderful doctors who will ofllow you close. I had my son at 41 and I am so glad I did. It was tough at times during the pregnancy but if I had to do it all over again I would without thinking twice..don't listen to anyone except you and your new husband..it's about you and your family no one elses!

User - posted on 07/24/2009

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i had mine at 40 and it was great now that im almost 50 wow things are different

i would really think about this one !

Carla - posted on 07/24/2009

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Hi Louise. I had my first baby 4 days before I turned 43. Don't pay attention to the statistics of pregnancy over 40, it will just make you crazy.

Chris - posted on 07/24/2009

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I agree with Diane Johnson. First of all, let me say that my life pretty much revolves around my four kids and six grandkids. They are all precious, each and every one of them. I had my first child at age 26 and my fourth child at age 41. I call them batch one and batch two. Haha. I didn't see how it would be a problem at the time (this is me at age 39-40 thinking about it) because I had just had my third child at age 37 and it wasn't hard, but if I knew then what I knew how, I would have stopped there. I didn't realize how quickly you start to deteriorate after age 40. Oh, I'd heard, but it's one of those things that you have to experience to truly understand - like having a child. You can't explain what it's like to have a child to someone who doesn't have one. So, anyway, I did it and it has been really hard because there are demands that are just so hard to meet because of my own physical limits. I wouldn't go to the zoo, for example, because there is so much walking and most likely my back or knees or feet will probably start to cause pain. It can get real bad or not. It's a gamble. But, when if it's a bad one we have to stop everything right there. What a bummer for everyone, especially the kids. So, I'm like Grandma trying to do all the things mothers do. Right before I had him I was in really good shape. I understand how you feel about wanting to share this with your new husband. That is why I had the one at age 37. She ended up being my 3rd girl (2 from previous marriage). Number four was the last try at a boy. I would only recommend to do this for a woman who hasn't yet had the blessings of a child. It could give you as much grief as pleasure. I love Nicky sooooo much, and I NEVER wish I didn't have him, but it is REALLY hard physically because of my age NOW. That's what you have to think of. Not your age at birth, but your age and the demands as time progresses. It's not just hard for two years, or five years, then bam - no physical demands. As he gets older, so do you. I love my son so much and I couldn't imagine life without him, but I've resigned myself to this being a labor of love. Emphasis on both words: labor and love. Think on that a minute. So on the good side, like Julie-Ann Sabin said, you rise above it, I would rephrase. As a person who has been where she is, but not sterilized, and thought what she thought, but then gone through it, I would say I STRUGGLE to rise above it. He's eleven now and I'm 53 and when he gets stubborn and doesn't want to get out of bed and get dressed for school, it takes every ounce of energy I have to deal with that. By the time the bus comes, I'm worn out and it's only 8:20 am. If you think singly about my age and the one task I just mentioned you might say, "Oh, that sounds do-able." But thinking singly is too simple. Remember I started this out with my four kids and six grandkids. I have so much else to do. Good luck on whatever you decide.

Angela - posted on 07/23/2009

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Hey Louise, take from someone who has taken that plunge., it's great, wouldn't change it for the world. If I hadn't had to have a hysterectomy from a cancer scare I would have had another one. My family thought I was out of my mind. I had a 16 yr.old boy, 10 yr old girl , from a previous marriage. If you've had children already, you know the sleepless nights, and exhaustion is well worth it. so go for it and have a great experience

Colleen - posted on 07/22/2009

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No! I am not married but was with someone at 43 and told him I was pregnant. He told me I was too old! I left him for that reason I really have more of a problem with unsupportive men. I did end up having a miscarriage but believe things will turn out if you take care of things the best way you can. I am a mom of a young lady and her dad was unsupportive too at that time, (at 33) but she has found him and has relationship with him and other half brothers now. But being with your husband and family, they will be with you.

Cheryl - posted on 07/21/2009

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I do not think it is "selfish" at all as some people implied. I haver more energy and enjoy having a preschooler now way more than I did when my boys were small. I am more experienced, prepared, patient, and she is keeping me fit and young!!!! I am also much more financially stable and able to provide for all our kids better!!

Cheryl - posted on 07/21/2009

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No way!! I'm in a blended family, and I ws 38 when I had my daughter. She is the light of our lives. We have five older children; the youngest will be ten next month. They all adore her and help me so much. If anything, she has brought them all close toegther and really made our "new" family complete.

Linda Howard - posted on 07/21/2009

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It is not too old!! Go for it!! We adopted two babies when we were in our 40s!

Stephanie - posted on 07/21/2009

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I'm 41, on my second marriage, with 3 three children of my own and 3 step-sons. I too struggled with wanting to have a child with my new husband.
But, I'm also a student studying diagnostic medical sonography (ultrasound). The only thing I'd really have you consider is that over the age of 40, your chances of having a child with significant birth defects goes up exponentially. At age 45 (till you actually get pregnant and have a baby, your chances of a down's syndrome baby are 1 in 32, and the chances of having a baby with a chromosomal abnormality are 1 in 18. For a younger mom, like age 27, the risk is 1 in 1000.
It's a hard decision, but I'm sure you'll make the right one for you.

User - posted on 07/21/2009

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Hi
I had my twins at 36 they are my IVF babies,my IVF treatment took 8 weeks and I was the youngest in the IVF clinic at the time, all of the other women were in there 40's and from all over the world, I am know 40 and I would love more children but this is my husbands second time around with me and his has a 17 and 12 year, go for it I would.

Colleen - posted on 07/21/2009

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I'd say do what your heart tells you to do! Remember that you only live once! I had my daughters at 32 and 36, and it still was like I was a child myself anyway. Nobody tells you how hard childbirth, or in my case, C-Sections, can be. There really isn't any pain if you get an epidural, but you're so nervous. Just don't be nervous like I was, and enjoy the birth. Think positively and live a clean life, eat healthy, and do the best you can to prepare your body beforehand, so you have a healthy baby.

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