Is a step grandmom the same as being a real grandmom?

Patricia - posted on 03/25/2010 ( 470 moms have responded )

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Hi, i am a 50 year old grandmother and about to be a first time step grandmother. I love my children alot and my grand children. I am currently working at Oyster Pond Academy and going for an interview at Sea Rover Resort and Marina. i feel my life is just beginning. It's been a long hard struggle, but finally i'm starting to get on with life.

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Theresa - posted on 03/26/2010

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Yes being a step grandma is a real grandma,i am also a step grandma,but i never use the word step.My step daughter is my daughter her so is my grandson.NO step needed

Kaye - posted on 02/21/2012

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Sorry , Shelley Sedwick Donald , I have to disagree with you. if it is 100% right by you for one of your children to be given more.......why are you hiding it from the others, that will cause more resentment. i would be asking the gran in question to be gifting the gift certificates to "the kids" as opposed to the gross inequality that is occurring right now. It can be difficult, I know because sometimes a bond is bigger with one or more of our grandies, but they are all precious and none should be made to feel any less so at any time. we put too much emphasis on biology these days. we really should be grateful that we have people to love and who will love us back

[deleted account]

Honestly it's how you look at it. I am a step mom and also a biological mom. Not a grandma yet (kids are way too young). I love my step daughter but not the same way I love my sons. I hope she THINKS I love all the same way. You can feel however you want and don't need to feel any guilt about loving them differently. My only caution is that you treat them all the same when you are together. My step daughter's grandparents (my husband's parents) give her a lot more than they give my sons, which is 100% ok by me. It's their right and privilege to do so. What we ask is that when all kids are together, it's equal. If they want to give her 100 dollars worth of gift cards and are generous enough to want to give my son's 25 each, then we ask that they give them all the 25 when they are together and give the other 75 when she is with them alone or with her mother. Kids do not understand inequities when they are young. It breeds resentment that is not their fault. But as far as how you 'feel'...it's how you feel. No one can fault you for that. It's how your behavior reflects those feelings that people may question.

Betina - posted on 03/26/2010

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A child is a child as long as they are part of your family they are yours. My husband of 10 years is the best Grandpa I know, My kids are his and vice verse. We have 2 grandchildren ages 4 and 15 months and a new addition due the last week of June. I think he is more excited than I am. The word Step is not allowed in our house, we have 6 children 4 I came with and 2 he did. We are very happy with our Freeman bunch.

Tandy - posted on 08/29/2013

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Well I have a step granddaughter whom I have custody of because I have her half brother. I am just starting to get to know her but I tell you, My heart is already so wrapped up in her. She is my granddaughter no matter how that came to be, she is my grandbaby. I hate that people say she is not my real or biological grand daughter and he is only have brother especially in front of her. Again it doesn't matter how she came to be my granddaughter, she is.

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Gael - posted on 01/14/2014

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It keeps going just because new bloggers join, and I know I didn't pay attention to the date post, but a subject that effected me so I answer it. Thats ok isn't it?

A question I have, is how do I look at replies to a post I made. I got a notice I had responses...but I have no idea being new at this where to find them and read them...darn, and I have looked for a half hour. lol, I am lost!

Gael - posted on 01/14/2014

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First on a positive note, congratulations! A new grandchild, step or not. Sometimes this transition and adjustment is tough, sometimes its easy A lot of dynamics go into a positive or negative experience for you. First, your question begs me to say "it's what YOU make of it". Easy solution, considering it doesn't tell anything about is this a new marriage, a step daughter or son having their first child..or a daughter or son marrying someone with a child. Either way, since you didn't mention anything negative about the situation all I can say is, IT IS! ...if everyone is on the same page. Of course your relationship with the child means YOU have to extend the love in order to feel it in return. Children adore grandmother's..and as you begin this new chapter in your life...only thing that will change is the number of grandchildren you get to love and endear to your heart. I am very busy, always on the go..while I am isolated from 4 granddaughters its a religious issue not family dynamic's, and also forbids others in the family to see them, but my children having children didn't change, nor would it, my career or traveling goals..(the exception would be if a grandchild with health issue of a child ..if one of the grand kids had physical or mental challenges, or is ill) ..I am FINALLY free to do as I please and live some dreams, and I'll be available as much as I possibly can, but with today's technology I can e mail, text or skype with the family all I want... nothing in my life is on hold. . I have 2 step grandchildren I am going to see March 1st, that are a distance away..wish they were closer because they are wonderful. Once I opened my heart to these two lovely kids (now both in college) it was a piece of cake..they always had their hearts open towards me. My advice don't worry about your life changing, it doesn't have to...treat any step grandchildren the same as the others..they will love you in return. Children unless influence to do otherwise, love us unconditionally. So just be a great grandmother to all of them, the rewards will be uncountable.

Alexandra - posted on 12/09/2013

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I can tell you that we are still working on that with my stepfamily. My daughter notices that she is treated differently by her step-grandparents, and it makes me sad for her. She often wonders why a certain thing happens for her siblings but not her. I have worked hard to stop that from happening but there are times that she will just asks to see her grandson.

A. S. Noraford
www.blendedfamilysurvivalguide.com

Margaret - posted on 09/06/2013

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My babies call mamaw grandma nennie what every they want because that's what the heart of grandma want what make them happier it don't make a difference what they call you just love them with all your heart because they are god gift to us

Margaret - posted on 09/06/2013

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Being a grandmother. I know from my our experience as a child. That grandparents are very important in children's life there is no step to it I have grandchilden that came with the marriage and I love them all the same they are my pride and joy and I have great grandchildren the same you take what god has given you and cherish it with all your heart for there are elderly people who would love to have grandchilden

Tandy - posted on 08/29/2013

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2 Grandparents are to be exceptional and special in all things so to fullfill that roll to its fullest you need to embrace all grand kids with open hearts and open arms. Grandma's are special.

Patricia - posted on 08/08/2013

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Being a step grandma is the exact same as a real grandma! Kids just want love and they don't want to feel like they are not welcomed or loved. They didn't get a choice in who their parent(s) married and who their new family(ies) are. My parents treat my step daughter the same as they treat my bio kids. His daughter has never felt slighted by my family. His family on the other hand treats my children very differently from how they treat his daughter. My kids feelings are constantly hurt by his mother.

Shell - posted on 02/28/2013

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A grandmom is a grandmom is a grandmom! Step, adopted, biological...... You are that childs grandmom whether by blood or marriage. Same with all "step" anyone's in my opinion.

Alida - posted on 02/23/2013

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Good on you,there is always an new beginning. Live life the best you can, love is all that count So keep going,and never give up.

Mary - posted on 02/23/2013

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I am so surprised at how this Question has kept going with responses for two years. I continue to feel that all of my grand babes are the same no matter how they came into our family. I have read some interesting comments about this subject. I do agree as a nana it is my Job to love each and everyone of them and it does not make a difference how far away they live. 6 of my 8 grand babes live very far away but I make the most of it when I am with them.I pray for all of you Parents and Grand Parents in your relationships with those grandbabes of yours. Parents can encourage the relationship.
God Bless you all.

Julia - posted on 02/23/2013

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My son has 8 grand parents, mostly equal. Distance seems a bigger factor than anything. My parents are divorced. Both remarried when I was older. My mom remarried when I was in college. My dad remarried when I was pregnant. My son understands all these people to be his grandparents equally. His step grandmother on the other side was the reason for their divorce if you catch my drift. She has no relationship with my son at all. However she is mostly shunned by her step kids and has no relationship with them so there would be no reason to have a relationship with any of the grand kids including my son. It isn't my side of the family and they live outside the continental US so even if they were well loved the relationship would be fairly limited do to distance. My son is closest a to my mom and step father because they live nearby. If you are in close proximity the title might not mean much.

Kristin - posted on 11/30/2012

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It is the same if you let it be. My stepmother and I never got along, but she has accepted my kids as her grandkids, and treats them the same as her biological grandkids. Just love each child for themselves.

Lynne - posted on 11/27/2012

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I don't think there is any reason for distinction between step children/children or their children. They should be loved unconditionally as your own. Being a Grandmother is just that!

Virginia - posted on 11/25/2012

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Step-grandma is the same as grandmother unless your husband dies, in which case you may find yourself out of the family as I have. It's not the children's fault and I wouldn't have done anything any differently, but just know that it's not the same

Sophia - posted on 11/24/2012

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frist of all forget about step when you are dealing with kids. if you want your grand to be love and accepted then you just be what you would want for yourself.

Chelsea - posted on 10/16/2012

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My birth mother died when i was 12 (now 22), so my step Mum (who i call Mum now) has been my mother longer than m real mum.

The love is still the same :)

Suzy - posted on 10/12/2012

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YES!..and do not worry about what every one else thinks or says..Just follow a loving Grandmas HEART ..Blessings!!!

SuzyGSpot.com

Princess - posted on 10/11/2012

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Yes it is real. My mom's husband whom I consider my dad raised me since I was 12 years old I am now 26 I have a soon to be 5 year old and my son calls him grandaddy. I would have it no other way my son tells everybody he has 3 grandads instead of 2. There is no step grandmother father or anything in my family.

Alida - posted on 10/10/2012

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the grandchildren will see you as the real grand mom! It"s the grand mother who has to tread them as her own,Enjoy the time with them!

Angela - posted on 10/08/2012

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I think so if you love the grown kids you will love the new one coming along. I am 49 and will be a new step grandma next year.

Firey - posted on 10/08/2012

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there's no reason why you can't be this child can't be your grandchild too (personally i'd stop using the "step" part unless the child requests or needs this added in. my kids call my best friend's mom "nana" as they were invited to call her such. Family isn't limited to blood lines and who married who.

Nicole - posted on 10/08/2012

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The short of it is: Yes! Of course, being a step-grandmother is the same thing as being a Grandma! Enjoy, make efforts to connect to your step-grandchildren and congratulations!

[deleted account]

Aww!! Congratulations! Of course step grandmother is a very important role in your grandchild life. Depending on the relationship you have with your child and step daughter it can be just as important as the biological grandparent.

Karen - posted on 10/05/2012

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I'm a stepmom ..my stepson has a stepson! BUT, in our family, we are all just a FAMILY...my 3 grandsons consider ME as their grandma since my stepson's biological mother has very little to do with them or the desire to see them..the younger boys (twins) only know ME as their Nana...the older boy has other grandparents but he rarely sees them except for his maternal grandfather who he adores...my daughter-in-law's mother passed away just before he was born..



I'm proud to be the Nana to whom they come if the need me or want to stay with us or need a drive somewhere...I wouldn't change a thing...having these kids in my life has been the biggest blessing I've ever known..as well as having a stepson I adore..



All 5 of them call me Nana...my stepson, his wife and the 3 boys...I LOVE it! My daughter-in-law's SISTER calls me Nana...LOL! We're just one big family ....and I hope always will be.. :)

Christina - posted on 10/05/2012

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I have been in both situations ... I had one "step-grandma" who treated me like I was blood and another who treated me like someone who was just there. It all depends on what type of relationship you want with the child. While they both will always be in my thoughts, my "Maw-Maw" will always be in my heart.

J - posted on 10/05/2012

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yes a child does not know difference they only know love and as long as you are willing to love them they will do the same to you>>>

Glory - posted on 10/04/2012

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I am a step grandma and I believe yes by all means be a real grandma to that child. I love all my children and grandchildren blood and otherwise. It is what makes the world go 'round.

Rose - posted on 10/04/2012

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To me it is. I thank god every day for the boys' step grandpa! Although we do not distinguish him as a step. He is grandpa. I am grateful that he loves the boys just like any of his biological grandkids.



As I tell other moms, it takes a special man to accept children that are not biologically his as his own. The same goes for grandparents. Especially when one is special needs (one my my sons is special needs) or the road gets rocky.



Let me tell you, their "step" grandpa (grandma passed before I ever had a chance to meet her) has been there more than either one of their biological grandparents.

Krystle - posted on 10/03/2012

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a step grandmother is a real grandmother my daughter who is not my husbands actual father his mom considers her to be her own so it makes the mother or the father of the step child feel good to know that you will treat the step grandchild like your own,

Dana - posted on 10/02/2012

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My step parents are every bit as much grandparents to my children as my bio parents. My children don't know the difference and love them all the same. I feel like my children are so lucky to have so many grandparents. Grandparents don't have to be steps its a beautiful thing. Enjoy your newest GRANDCHILD :)

Kimberly - posted on 10/02/2012

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I got it....lol...

yes a grandmom and step grandmom are all the same...i am both....i love all my grandkids the same...they all call me mei-mom

Sandy - posted on 10/01/2012

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My daughter became involved with a man who already had a child. My granddaughter lives with them full time. My daughter says that she has a ready made child. I am a grandma to her not a step-grandma. Love your children, & grandchildren....they are pure treasures!

Leona - posted on 09/30/2012

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I think your grandparentship should be viewed and lived out exactly how you want it to be lived out. If you want to be an amazing , albiet human and imperfect, grandma then be just that to all your grandchildren. Regardless of how they came into your family! I believe I see in you what i see in all of my (what I like to call) "adopted grandmas." They do not take away from the grandma that I do have, but rather they complement my personification of what I want for my children to have in their grandmothers. haha. I think you are fantastic for reaching out with this sort of question. I hope I was encouraging! ^_^

Shawn - posted on 09/29/2012

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Love doesn't take blood. If you are a open heart there is no way you can not love a baby, especially one that is part of your family. I am a foster mom of 5 male children, okay, their not children anymore, they are all over 21, but they are my babies and always will be. I also have 3 biological sons and all of them are inseparable as friends and brothers and I love them enough to hurt anyone who would try and harm them.

Michelle - posted on 09/28/2012

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Prior to my mother-in-law passing, she treated MY son the absolute same as she treated my husband and my son. In my eyes it should be that way and I was very greatful and thankful to have her in our lives even if for only a short time. She showed myself and my son that there shouldn't be a difference between the treatment of the two children, when my husband and I got together, even prior to being married she accepted, loved and cared for my son just like one of her own grandchildren. It only makes me sad that she is gone and my son's REAL grandmother has nothing to do with him and I have no living parents or grandparents so my children all miss out sadly!

Lorena - posted on 09/26/2012

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Well yes I'm astep nana and the kids seem closer to me then there real one my grAndchild lives with me and not his real one

Ashley - posted on 09/26/2012

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My mother in law treats my son the same way she does her bio grandchildren. My father in law and wife also do. my father in law even asked if he could be his papa jyst like the other kids...he said it would break his heart if he couldnt especially since my sons sperm donor and family have nothing to do with him. My mom also treats my step daughter like she does all my boys. I wouldnt have it any other way. Step or biological, they cant be left out. Im sooo happy all you step grandmas feel the same.

Mary - posted on 07/18/2012

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I am glad everyone here has had such positive experiences. Well, I have not, when I married my husband I had 2 children that he took in as his own. But I cannot say the same about my MIL. She claimed from the start that she would love them like her own grand children but the fact is she did not. She is constantly showing partiality with her other grandchildren and always comparing them and bragging about the others and never my daughters. My daughters are 20 and 24 now and they have always known this and because of this they are not close to her. My MIL complains about how my daughters do not love her but she did this to herself. I think all children are a blessing and my MIL has missed on having a relationship with two wonderful young ladies.

Lisa - posted on 07/14/2012

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I have to say that if you love your child, and like the person that they are marrying then you should accept this child as a part of your family. No matter what. The child did not ask for the situation in any way shape or form. They only ask to be loved and cared for. It does not matter where you work or what kind of job you do. This child is going to love you just as much as if he or she were from your child. Do not treat this step grandchild any differently then you would your biological grandchildren. Just remember they deserve to be loved to.. I know in our house we have a blended family and I love my children as well as step children as if they were my own and we are getting a step granddaughter in sept and I love her just as if she were of our flesh and blood. I would not trade any of my children or grandchildren for anything in this world.They are my heart. I feel so very blessed that God chose our family to bring her into. It is just another child to love and spoil.

Chaya - posted on 07/12/2012

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If you had told my dad's wife that any of my step or foster nieces/nephews weren't her "real" grandchildren, she probably would have punched them out. I know I would, or my siblings would

Chaya - posted on 07/06/2012

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My son's grandparents have expressed a desire to be my daughers grandparents. My first husband passed about 30 years ago. Additionally, my sister married a previously married man, if you'd told any of us that my daugther or my niece aren't the real grandchildren, they'd have gotten dope slapped if nothing else.

Onyeche Elisabeth - posted on 07/06/2012

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This is a great question I think! Think it is a similar dynamic at play when adoption is involved either in terms of parenting or being a foster grandparent. I think it depends on the grandma I think. If you are ready to open your heart up to the step-grandchild and love them the way you would your own biological grandkids, then it is the same. Of course, it means as well that you are ready to open your heart to your in-law i.e. the step-grandkid's parent who is married to your child.

The law probably says differently, but families basically come down to the willingness to love and nurture as unconditionally as is humanly possible.

Amanda - posted on 07/02/2012

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yes a step grandma is a real grandma...lol...im a grandma to my stepsons lil boy and i love him dearly...

Ramona - posted on 06/30/2012

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I'm really glad to see such positive responses!! I too am a Mamaw to 6 wonderful Grandkids & one on the way: ) some biological some not but all loved equally as are their parents!

Stephanie - posted on 06/25/2012

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I am SO grateful that my boys have their "step" grandparents...my Mom passed away 7 years ago and my Dad is in the throes of alzheimers. My first mother in law lives in Texas (I'm in NY) and my ex-father in law physically abused my kids when they were 2 and 3. My new in-laws have a granddaughter from my husband, and a grandson from their other son. All 4 children are treated equally and I can never thank them for that enough. My boys know they can call Gammy and Pop (who is also a step-dad to my husband) and they'll be right there.

Granny - posted on 06/24/2012

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Some time so called "Step Grand Parents " are even better then the "regular" kind....

Suzi - posted on 06/23/2012

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I am going through a divorce and my step daughter said I will always be part of her life which includes two beautiful granddaughters

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