Is a step grandmom the same as being a real grandmom?

Patricia - posted on 03/25/2010 ( 470 moms have responded )

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Hi, i am a 50 year old grandmother and about to be a first time step grandmother. I love my children alot and my grand children. I am currently working at Oyster Pond Academy and going for an interview at Sea Rover Resort and Marina. i feel my life is just beginning. It's been a long hard struggle, but finally i'm starting to get on with life.

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Suzi - posted on 06/23/2012

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I am going through a divorce and my step daughter said I will always be part of her life which includes two beautiful granddaughters

Fran - posted on 06/21/2012

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thanks everyone this is what I fugured but I had to ask. I love my daughter in law to death and my step son I consider my own * his birth mom is in heaven" they are very much my children and their beautiful is totally my grand son.

Jill - posted on 06/21/2012

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It depends on the dynamic of your family. My kids see their step-grandparents in the same light they do their biological grandparents. Heck, my kids even have a 'grandma' that is no relation at all.

Other families have certain emotional boundaries that do not extend past biology. Stepmoms are not parents, stepgrandmothers are not recognized as being relatives, stepsiblings don't matter.

Your role will be determined by your relationship with your stepchildren. I hope it is an involved and loving one.

Fran - posted on 06/16/2012

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The best thing to do is to treat all the little ones (and big ones) the same. Both my sister and sister-in-law had step grandchildren and both of them did everything they could to treat them all the same. The reward is love.

[deleted account]

My Grandfather on my father's side was my step-grandfather, but he was the only one I knew (my real grandfather died 7yrs before I was born). He always treated me, my brother, and our cousins like we were his "real" grandchildren. So I would say yes it is the same.

MARSHA - posted on 04/25/2012

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a step-grandma, well if you feel like your child is "just" a step-child then I guess their chldren will be step-grandchildren. My daughter is just that my daughter, she has another mother but I am her mama...I DO ALL THE THINGS THAT A MOTHER DOES AND THEN SOME, the only thing I did not do was give birth to her! Her children will be my grandchildren. I feel it's what ever your heart feels, not necessarily the functions you performed or your status in a relationship. Only time she is referred to as a "step" anything is when her "UNCLE SAM" inquires.

Anna - posted on 04/25/2012

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I've always told my step-daughter that although I did not carry her in my body as a growing and evolving baby, I have always carried her in my heart since the day I married her father. (Her mom would never allow her to call me "Mom" but I always told her she could call me whatever she was comfortable with.) I tell people I have two daughters (one is biological and the other is born out of the love in my heart) and one grandson. The way I look at it, if you are dating someone who has children from a previous relationship, they are part of a package deal ... you can't have one without the other!

Betty - posted on 04/25/2012

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If you feel like their grandmother and they also love you, why put the step in front? You are their grandmother enjoy that fact.

Chris - posted on 04/23/2012

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The baby will only know who loves him/her. It will be years before s/he can understand what a step-grandmother even means. Love the baby and s/he will be YOUR grandchild. Enjoy your little blessing!

Angel - posted on 04/23/2012

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My daughter has a step grammy and grampy.They are wonderful! They accepted my child without a second glance.Actually they show her more love than her biological father's family ever has.They are there for holidays,birthdays,school programs,etc.I am blessed to have them in her life.

Amanda - posted on 04/21/2012

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Yes it is the same. They can be just as good if not better than "real" grandmas.

Dee - posted on 04/21/2012

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It may come down to how you are accepted in the family. I'm a step mum but my partners ex refuses to see it that way (I don't mean as their mum). She doesnt think my parents should be called grandparents, my ex is the same towards our childrens step grandparents. I hope you are viewed, treated & accepted as a grandma.

Leah - posted on 04/20/2012

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My son has a Step grandma and she is just another granda to love him.

She is part of my partners family and is just as caring toward him (she my partners step mum) as she is her own kids and grandchildren.



I don't think it makes any difference if they a step grandparent or not if they love the kids all the same

Janelle - posted on 03/06/2012

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hi, i have 5 grandchildren and one of them is my stepdaughters child and due to have 2 more grandchildren towards the end of the year and can't wait for them to be born, i love my step grandchildren just as much as my own grandchildren and try to see her as much and spoilt her as equal as my own.

April - posted on 03/02/2012

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Absolutely being a step grandmother is the same as being a "regular" grandmother, I have 2 boys that don't have any children & a stepson who has blessed me with my only grand daughter who is 2. She is the love of my life & I love her just as much as I would any grandchildren from my birth sons. She & my stepson & daughter in law live with us right now, so I get to see her everyday, but when they get their own place I will miss her greatly. She calls me "Mom" because she can't quite get Grandma out yet & her Mom calls me Ma, but when she does & when she comes out & runs into my arms it's the best feeling there is!!

Lorretta - posted on 03/02/2012

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I have two biological grandkids, and two step grandkids. I am as close to the step grandkids as the biological....and if you ask them, they will tell you, I am their fav gramma! LOL

Heather - posted on 03/01/2012

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We have 4grandbabies and they are the most precious think to us, our oldest is a step grandbaby and she is so sweet, we don't think of her as a step, she came into our lives when she was 2 and now she is 5 and we treat her just the same as the other 3. She loves us and gets excited to see us when she comes to visit. It is just how you handle it, and others around you handle it, When we talk about our grandkids we say our 4 grandkids. I also have a nephew that my brother took on as his son when he married his mom and we just say he is our nephew and he nows that we love him the same.

CIndy - posted on 02/29/2012

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The baby will never know or care you are a step grandma. The only thing they will ever remember is how much you loved them.

Nancy - posted on 02/26/2012

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Congratulations Patricia. Between my second husband and I, we have 10 grandchildren. I came into the marriage with 2 children and he came with 3. I've often said that the only steps we have at our house lead to the front door. Yes, you will be a grandmother in every sense of the word and it won't make any difference to the grandchild. To him or her, you will simply be "grandma".

Faye - posted on 02/25/2012

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Think about this situation. If the child has only known you as grandma what difference does it make if you are a "true" or a step?



My best friend has known her grandfather all of her life (41 years) yet he is a step in the true sense of the word. He married her grandma when her dad was in his late teens to early 20's. Her dad was about 30 when she was born. As far as she is concerned, he is her grandpa.

Chris - posted on 02/25/2012

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Only if you and your step children/grandchildren build a real relationship. And you don't force them to like you. Be yourself, and let it come naturally.

My Dad's 3rd wife whom he married 5 weeks before he passed away from pancreatic cancer made my life hell for the last year. For whatever reason she felt she was entitled to my affection and a relationship with my children just because she married my father. She was rude, disrespectful, and talked about myself and my sister behind our back bad mouthing us for not including her in everything and our lives. She even turned our own family against us after his passing because she told everyone how much she loved us and wanted a relationship with us and we shunned her.

Please.. you can't force someone to like you, love you, or make you a part of their life.

However, if you are patient, kind, and treat your new step children and grandchildren with respect, eventually yes, you will be a huge part of their lives and they a part of yours. Good luck!

Melissa - posted on 02/23/2012

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Grandmas are Grandmas no matter what the connection is. I have four grandmothers who I love and cherish very much. My biological grandmothers, my grandmother-in-law, and a women who is not related to me by any means other than being close friends with my mother and being apart of my life for as long as I can remember. The important thing is the love you give to your grandchildren.

Charly - posted on 02/23/2012

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I have 2 blood granddaughters and one step grandson. We share the responsibly of raising the grandson as his father was killed in a car accident 5 years ago and the poor boy's mother is a drug addict. I treat all three children the same and they have all bonded as such, not knowing or understanding the difference. The children range between 4-9 YO and we try to do things with all 3 of them that they can all participate in. Children do not distinguish love by blood or marriage. So no matter how those children belong to your family, they are family.

Jennifer - posted on 02/23/2012

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I think it varies depending on the situation! My step-mom calls herself Meme to my daughter and it drives me insane! She and my dad have only been married 7 years but I honeslty don't think it's forever, so I don't really want my kids calling her by name or even saying she is their grandmother. I have done everything possible to keep my daughter from calling her Meme short of actually telling my step-mom to stop. But my daughter will be 3 next Friday and she's finally getting to the point where she understands and will call her by her name and not meme. Like I said it depends on the situation. If you are that close to your step-children and their children, I'm sure you are just wonderful at being their grandmother.

Sofia - posted on 02/23/2012

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I dont see any reason why you could not be a grandma to both your bio-grandchildren and your new step-children.Biology is not the only ting that makes people family.

WIth your explanation that you are just beginning to start to get on with your life, what I think you are trying to say is that maybe you are concern with the responsibilities being a grandmother to numerous children will have on you? I'm not sure if I have this right, so maybe you could expand alittle.

Kaye - posted on 02/21/2012

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Sorry , Shelley Sedwick Donald , I have to disagree with you. if it is 100% right by you for one of your children to be given more.......why are you hiding it from the others, that will cause more resentment. i would be asking the gran in question to be gifting the gift certificates to "the kids" as opposed to the gross inequality that is occurring right now. It can be difficult, I know because sometimes a bond is bigger with one or more of our grandies, but they are all precious and none should be made to feel any less so at any time. we put too much emphasis on biology these days. we really should be grateful that we have people to love and who will love us back

Deanna - posted on 02/21/2012

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I am not a grandma but I have 3 step children. I don't see them as my step children, they are my children. My parents and the rest of my family see my kids as grandchildren. I also have 2 biological children and they are all treated the same. I am truly blessed and thankful that I have all my children. I hope this helps

Jennifer - posted on 02/19/2012

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Being a grandmother is very much about the love. I had 2 biological grandmothers, an adoptive grandmother and a step grandmother. My favourite, by far, was my step grandmother and I hated it when my mom's relationship with her son ended and I didn't see her anymore.

Andrea - posted on 02/19/2012

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yes a step grandmother is the same thing as a grandma... just lose the step part... as long as you treat the child the same way you treat your other grandchildren there shouldnt be any promblems

[deleted account]

Honestly it's how you look at it. I am a step mom and also a biological mom. Not a grandma yet (kids are way too young). I love my step daughter but not the same way I love my sons. I hope she THINKS I love all the same way. You can feel however you want and don't need to feel any guilt about loving them differently. My only caution is that you treat them all the same when you are together. My step daughter's grandparents (my husband's parents) give her a lot more than they give my sons, which is 100% ok by me. It's their right and privilege to do so. What we ask is that when all kids are together, it's equal. If they want to give her 100 dollars worth of gift cards and are generous enough to want to give my son's 25 each, then we ask that they give them all the 25 when they are together and give the other 75 when she is with them alone or with her mother. Kids do not understand inequities when they are young. It breeds resentment that is not their fault. But as far as how you 'feel'...it's how you feel. No one can fault you for that. It's how your behavior reflects those feelings that people may question.

Mary - posted on 02/17/2012

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I'm not a step grandma but my granddaughter has step grandparents and they love her to pieces, she loves them as well. You wouldn't know that they weren't her biological grandparents unless someone told you. They play an important role in her live and I am so very grateful to them all. The more people she has to love her the happier I am.

Mary - posted on 02/17/2012

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I'm not a step grandma but my granddaughter has step grandparents and they love her to pieces, she loves them as well. You wouldn't know that they weren't her biological grandparents unless someone told you. They play an important role in her live and I am so very frateful to them all. The more people she has to love her the happier I am.

Cathy - posted on 02/14/2012

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I most certainly do feel the same why. I love my step-granddaughters like they were my own. I also have two grandchildren of my own, and my step-grandchildren love them just as much as I do.

Cathy - posted on 02/14/2012

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I most certainly do feel the same why. I love my step-granddaughters like they were my own. I also have two grandchildren of my own, and my step-grandchildren love them just as much as I do.

Jenn - posted on 02/13/2012

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Being a real grandmom is up to you.. and is really how you look at it. I myself am a stepmom technically but I don't refer to my kids as "stepchildren" unless people ask me outright. I'm only 27 and my oldest is going to be 12 so that can sometimes raise eyebrows. I think of and treat my girls just as I would my own and how I will treat my son when he arrives in the next couple months (we are adopting). Its so important to treat your step grandkids as you would your biological ones because kids are very perceptive to those kinds of things. I'm sure in the case of your family that they look at you as their prospective child's grandmom with out definition.

Jenn - posted on 02/13/2012

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Being a real grandmom is up to you.. and is really how you look at it. I myself am a stepmom technically but I don't refer to my kids as "stepchildren" unless people ask me outright. I'm only 27 and my oldest is going to be 12 so that can sometimes raise eyebrows. I think of and treat my girls just as I would my own and how I will treat my son when he arrives in the next couple months (we are adopting). Its so important to treat your step grandkids as you would your biological ones because kids are very perceptive to those kinds of things. I'm sure in the case of your family that they look at you as their prospective child's grandmom with out definition.

Robyn - posted on 02/12/2012

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ABSOLUTELY!!!!! Just ask my children! They love their 3 grandmothers just the same. I for one feel blessed to have 2 wonderful mothers-in-love!

Kaye - posted on 02/11/2012

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i have been a mum and a stepmum to 7 children and now have 23 grandchildren. I love them all the same, for me love is love, there are no steps in it ♥

Connie - posted on 01/06/2012

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My step son and his wife (I only use this term d/t he was in his 30's when I met his dad) have 3 children and I have been an involved loving and loved, appreciate and so valued by them more so than my adult son who moved from out of state with my bio grandson who is 6y/o now. I was initially very involved and this was encouraged by my son til he got his own place with his new gf ( he has full custody of his son since divorce). Now it's like I'm being told to be a "Holidays/Birthdays" only type grandmother and it's my grandson who suffers the most loss of such a valuable relationship. Heartbreaking

Julie - posted on 01/02/2012

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They are babies/kids...of course they are the same! The kids don't know the difference they just know who loves them!

Michelle - posted on 01/01/2012

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I think that yes, it's just like being a grandmother. As the grandmother of three little one, no step-grandchildren, my children were step-grandchildren. They were not treated the same and the hurt of growing up like that is heart-breaking. Especially because we did not live by their 'grandparents'. Please handle this new grandchild as you would any other.

Paula - posted on 12/31/2011

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Please please please treat your step grandchildren the same as your grandchildren! My mother-in-law does not, and it really hurts me and my daughter. My father-in-law is great, and she loves him like her other grandfather, but to hear his wife talk about 'only having grandsons' really hurts her.

Dawn - posted on 12/28/2011

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only 1 of my soon to be 13 grandchildren is by blood, I consider all of my grandchildern mine and am so greatful to their real grandmother for sharing that with me.

Dusty - posted on 12/22/2011

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I would definitly consider a step grandmother the same as a grandmother. My oldest son is not biologically my husband's child, but I always make sure they treat my son the same as they do my other children. It can be extremly damaging to a child if they are not treated equally by EVERYONE in the family.

Dawn - posted on 12/13/2011

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My step grandpa was the best grandpa I could I ask for. I wish I had had a step grandma, my grandmas were not good grandma's. I am grateful that my grandma married my grandpa because otherwise I would have been without a single grandparent that was worth having.

He has been my favorite grandparent my whole entire life. Most importantly don't ever make your step grandchildren feel like they are. I remarried this last year and my parents flat out let me know that they would not come to do things only with their blood grandkids when the other kids were at home. Now this is not a shared feeling on the other side. My mother in law has hurt my youngest daughter's feelings numerous times now by coming over and taking one of her blood grandkids out for a special time and not ever included my youngest daughter. It hurts me that she doesn't care. I would think she just didn't think about it but my daughter has voiced her disappointment and asked to go to no avail. My husband is supposed to be talking with his mom soon. We will see. Don't play favorites just love them because they return the love you give so easily and remember so easily the pain you inflict.

[deleted account]

You can create a relationship and a bond with any child if you love and care for them and are willing to be a grandmother, despite sharing the same DNA or not! I know this first hand as I am adopted, and have contact with both my biological and adoptive families. Its how you relate to others, not how much DNA you share.

Judy - posted on 11/27/2011

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Yes, when your child married someone with children its acceptance as them being your grandchildren. How awesome for you. Our hearts hold a lot of love-congrats

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