Is a step grandmom the same as being a real grandmom?

Patricia - posted on 03/25/2010 ( 470 moms have responded )

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Hi, i am a 50 year old grandmother and about to be a first time step grandmother. I love my children alot and my grand children. I am currently working at Oyster Pond Academy and going for an interview at Sea Rover Resort and Marina. i feel my life is just beginning. It's been a long hard struggle, but finally i'm starting to get on with life.

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Donna - posted on 10/18/2011

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Like they said in the Brady Bunch-the only "steps" in this house are the one's that lead up to your bedroom.

Kathy - posted on 10/18/2011

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To:Stephanie RouleauYou need to ask her which half...dummie doesnt know brothers are thick and blood regardless of half or even none. My oldest is from my first and then we have 2 more with the second hubby they all will fight for one another and you do not pick on any of their bro's!!!!!!! Kids dont understand all that half or step when they are all raised in the same household. Your MIL is an idiot to label them as such too

Sherri - posted on 10/18/2011

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Step belong in home and not families due to fact my childern my husband D2 which mean dad 2 and our grands call papa.

Stephanie - posted on 10/12/2011

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For whatever reason, my MIL didn't really accept my older son as her grandchild until I had a baby with her son. Now both of the boys are her grandsons. She is also quick to point out that my boys are "half" brothers. Irks the hell out of me. Whenever she mentions it I tell her that we do not use labels like that in our family.

Carole - posted on 10/12/2011

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My parents are "step-grandparents" but they treat my stepdaughters like their own. The only difference is that since the girls already had grandparents in their lives before I married their father, my parents use their first names instead of "Gramma and Grampa" with them. However, that is more out of courtesy to the biological grandparents and a consideration bc the girls were older when they became my stepdaughters since the kids just use "our grandparents" to explain who they are to others. Congrats!

Stephanie - posted on 10/12/2011

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There is no reason why step-grandma should be different than grandma. My step-mother is the only grandmother that most of my nieces and nephews will ever know on my side of the family. They refer to her as Grandma Nancy as we don't really agree with the label of "step."

Jennifer - posted on 10/12/2011

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Despite the fact that I am not a gramma or stepgramma yet (our oldest is only 16), I thinnk it will not change the way I feel about the child, whether it comes from a biological or step child. the only thing I can liken this question to is, does being a stepmom make you less of a mom? Enjoy the baby and love it as we love all children! Congrats btw on the new addition! ♥

Sarah - posted on 10/08/2011

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i think it depends on the relationship you have with the step child. that will influence the step grandchild. the step grandmother in our lives is a complete non-entity to my children as the step parent relationship is not a good one. so why would i want her to have contact with my children?

I'm sure that's not what you wanted to hear and i am sorry but thats our truth.

Good luck in yours :)

Megan - posted on 10/07/2011

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Why on earth would you ever differentiate between the two? Especially if the kids are part of a blended family. I grew up with two older half siblings and certain grand-parents treated them and now their children like second class citizens because they were steps on that side. It infuriated my younger sister and I when we were old enough to really see what they were doing. My father treats my older siblings' children exactly how he treats mine, because in his eyes they are all his grand-kids and should be treated as such. He may have treated my brother differently from the rest of us but that was only because my brother made it a point to let my dad know that he wasn't his real dad and wanted nothing to do with him. My sons don't know the difference between step and regular relatives they just know they have cousins and I think that's what's most important. Treat all the kids the same and you won't have to worry about a thing but I can tell you from experience that if you make the distinction not them about the "step" relationship they nor their siblings will ever forget it.

Faye - posted on 10/06/2011

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When my brother married my SIL, she had two kids already. My mom hated the term step-whatever so she/we never used it. She gained three grandsons and a daughter-in-law within two weeks of each other. My son was born the end of Jan and they were marreid in the middle of Feb.

We have never refered to them as step nephews, they have always been nephews. In fact my brother played a major part in the youngest ones life as he was 3 when my brother started to date his mom. Even today 17 years later, he calls my brother DAD and his dad by his name.

MARY - posted on 10/02/2011

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I have been a grandmother for the past six years to my step-daughters' son.She now has two boys & I love them as much as I love their mother.She is like a daughter to me just as the kids are.I hate the word STEP.They are my grandkids no matter what anybody says.I would do anything for them & they know that.

Karen - posted on 10/02/2011

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If the step Grandchildren want you as their Grandmother then it is much the same. If not, then it will be more difficult.

Suszanne - posted on 10/02/2011

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Hi Patricia, treat all your grandchildren as your grandchildren and you can't go wrong! My parents were divorced as were the parents of my 2nd husband. Due to all the remarriages, my children now have 8 living grandparents - only 3 of them are blood-related. They also had 3 other blood-related grandparents who have since passed. They call each of them Grandma or Grandpa and their first name to help keep them apart. All of the non-bio grandparents have accepted my children into the family as if they were born there. May God continue to bless your family.

P - posted on 09/30/2011

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Hello I have 7 Grand children 2 of my own and 5 "steps" I really never never thought of them as steps...I was there for my very first grandchilds birth... it was my husbands oldest daughters child... I have been there for my own girls child birth...they are all my girls so they are all my grandchildren...
I never ran into any trouble with loving them the same..
My oldest gilr does get the Green eyed monster if I spend time with my "first" grand daughter..she is 10 and is fun now...she always was fun.. but my daughter thinks I never spent alot of time with her son... I really only spend fun play dates with the girls... the boys play out back on the swing set or play in the mud...lol So after rambling on and on.. I do treat my steps the same as my own blood they ARE my family...
a Mom Mom of 7

Tawnya - posted on 09/28/2011

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I have a 5 yr old daughter who has no contact with her bio dad or his family. She calls my husband daddy and recently got a baby sister. I feel if you as a grandma treat all the grandchildren the same no matter if they are bio or step you deserve to be called grandma by all of them. My husbands parents and grandparents treat my daughter no differently then her sister and actually have a better bond because they have only known her for a year so they are trying to catch up on the time they missed with her. My grandma believes very strongly as does my parents that there is no bio or step child in our families they are their grandchildren and great grandchildren reguardless of who their parents are. My daughter has gained a side of a very wonderful and loving family she had never known. She went from having mommy, grandma, grandpa, nana and auntie to 2 new sets of grandparents, 1 set of great grandparents and an uncle who is 14 that she absolutely loves and he just adores and dotes on her.

Janet - posted on 09/26/2011

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i am a grandma period! doesn't matter if they are blood or not, or if they are family or not!

[deleted account]

It SHOULD be the same... but that is up to you. My MIL absolutely adored my daughter; she was 2yo when my husband & I met (4yo when we got married), and my daughter loved her... equally to her bio-grandparents.

Tina - posted on 09/26/2011

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My Step-Granddaughter is counted as my Granddaughter by my family. I married my husband and his 2 children, as he married me and my 2 children. So when the grandchild came. It was we have a grandchild. Not my husband has a gradnchild. We have been able to be open enough to put the "step-label" on when identifying any of the 4 kids or grand. My friends realize me as a grandmother. I am happy to be "Gigi" to my graddaugher

Tina - posted on 09/26/2011

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My Step-Granddaughter is counted as my Granddaughter by my family. I married my husband and his 2 children, as he married me and my 2 children. So when the grandchild came. It was we have a grandchild. Not my husband has a gradnchild. We have been able to be open enough to put the "step-label" on when identifying any of the 4 kids or grand. My friends realize me as a grandmother. I am happy to be "Gigi" to my graddaugher

Terry - posted on 09/22/2011

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I have no grand childre but I do have two very lovabe step grand children. I treat them as if they were my own grandkids. And they both treat me as f I was tere grandmother. It is a great feling

Theresa - posted on 09/22/2011

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I posted that to myself and my grandkids not being blood related doesnt matter and for us that is true. But my husbands family doesnt acknowledge my adult kids or grandchildren at all. In fact I had adopted my niece and nephew before my husband and I got together. We raised them together from the time they were 5 and 6. When my husbands mom died a few years ago and they wrote the obituary, there was only mention of my husbands blood family. Its a weird situation. I do have a very large immeidiate family but even so, you would think a summer picnic would allow for all to be invited. Not so. Very cold people.

Sharon - posted on 09/22/2011

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When I remarried I gained a fourth daughter and two more grandchildren. My favorite saying is.... the only steps here lead to the front door. I love them all just the same.

Tina - posted on 09/22/2011

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It is understandable that there are many emotions involved when you add "step" to the front of any title. That "step" means there has been a lost - whether through divorce or through a death and it is often difficult to let someone else take on the role that was once held or maybe (divorce) is still being held by someone. Life is not fair and it is not easy - it is what it is...it's important to remember who the adults are. If you have an issue with the "step" in the picture it's best to let them know where the boundaries are. It may surprise you that the person may not know how to act, what is expected, or what is allowed.

Liz - posted on 09/22/2011

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It isn't up to the step-grandmom as to whether she is a grandmom or not, but up to the more immediate family of the baby. Sometimes it is just not appropriate.

My father in law remarried last year and his wife really muscles in on my husband, me and our baby. She styles herself 'Mimi', introduces our baby to friends of hers that are not introduced to US and preaches on and on about being our daughter's grandmother. Our daughter HAS two grandmothers, one of whom has sadly passed away.

There are much more sensitive ways in which the 'step-grandmom' could get involved in our lives to the degree that she wishes without treading all over the wishes of my late mother-in-law's family. She won't learn, however, as she is pushy and overbearing by nature.

Dianna - posted on 03/11/2011

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Yes they are I have two , that are now grown up, they came into my life when they were quite young, Love and the same feelings as my own they are MY grandchildren and always will be

Shonon - posted on 03/11/2011

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Hi i have 4 grandchildern and one more on the way, there is no step unless someone teaches them that. I love them all as my own , they really bright up my days.

Georgia - posted on 06/06/2010

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I am 46 and have been married to my husband for ten years. My girls are 19 and 23. His daughter has never accepted me. She has told her kids I am not their grandmother. Her oldest going in 8th grade was calling me Oma and had to quit.the other two did not even hug me.Just since Christmas the youngest a girl 7yrs. has started to hug me the middle boy does not speak or hug. I say it depends on the family the mother and the grandmothers and how they tell the kids to relate to the step grandmother. I have seen some wonderful relationships with stepgrandmothers.I feel they lost out.

Carla - posted on 06/01/2010

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I have alot of mixed feelings on this subject. I have been married to my husband for 21 years he has a 25 year old son and was always told by his maternal grandmother that I was nothing to him, I treated him as I did my own and loved him just as much, even now he does not consider me his childs grandparent. On the other hand I have an exhusband who has been married 4 times since our divorce was never much of a father to his own children, but the day after his marriage insist that his new wife is our grandchildren's grandmother. If you have earned the title of grandma to that child and love that child. Then you are not a stepgrandma you are a grandma. Enjoy!!

Joy - posted on 05/26/2010

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I don't have any step-grandchildren, but I have 2 step-children and my parents treat them the same way as they treat my own children, well, not really, until my youngest was born my step-daughter was the novelty, FINALLY a granddaughter LOL. My father is just as proud of his step-grandson as my boys, maybe moreso now that he joined the Army and finished boot camp where my dad did. They see no difference in the kids, they are all their grandchildren......all six of them. They love them all just the same.

Nancy - posted on 05/25/2010

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I have 2 Daughters who have made me a Grandma to 6 Grandchildren. They are all loved the same. So are my Daughters. No step for this Mom or Grandma! I love them all and count myself lucky to have them in my life.

Judi - posted on 05/25/2010

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as a stepmom of 18 years, and a step nana for 6, I love them as if they were mine. I have 3 biological kids & 2 steps. I also have 7 grandchildren and 1 greatgrand child, I hate the word step!! I love all my kids and their kids!

[deleted account]

I think that all children should be treated equally. I have a granddaughter who is not biological, as a matter of fact, she was born almost 3 years ago and I have other grandbabies due in October and November. You never hear the word "step" out of my mouth...........

Mary - posted on 05/10/2010

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My step-daughter (and I NEVER call her that) came to live with us 9 years ago when she was 10, she is my daughter. I was with her for the births of both our grandsons, love her with all my heart, and will protect them just as a lioness would. The only steps in our house are the ones leading in!

Mary - posted on 05/10/2010

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Although my step-daughter (and I NEVER call her that) came to live with my husband and me 9 years ago when she was 10, she is and always will be my daughter. I love her with all my heart, was with her for the birth of both my grandsons, and will fight just like a lioness to protect them. The only steps in our house lead to the door!

Ellen - posted on 05/05/2010

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I so like your story and the way you handle things. I also hate the word step

Ellen - posted on 05/05/2010

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Yes that is an awful question. My husband raised my son as his own from a young age. My son has a son which he never uses step on either. I hate that word. My husband deserves and earned to be be called dad and poppy from the son and grandson.It do not take blood to be a true parent.

Cathy - posted on 04/30/2010

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I agree that a step grandmother is better than being a grandmother. I have to step granddaughters and I wouldn't change any thing, I love them just like they were my own grandchildren. I enjoy spending time with them. I also share in there dance and their birthdays with there real grandparents.

[deleted account]

I'm a stepmother, to 2 young men who became my stepsons when they were 4 & 7. Their birth Mommy passed away when they were 2 & 5. My parents are grandparents to my sons, just as their birth Mommy's parents & their Dad's parents. I'm their Mom, and they have a heavenly Mommy. The only time I refer to my sons as step is when I am explaining the story of how I became their Mom. I'm so very blessed. They are 16 & 19 now.

Cyndi-Ann - posted on 04/30/2010

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Well, as wonderful as it sound that everything is the same... that may or may not prove to be true. It can depend a lot on the age of the child coming into your family. Treat the child the same as you treat your grand children, and go from there. The child may or may not bond with you, but even if it is not the same amount of bonding and love, if you continue to treat him the same as the others it will instill at the very least a mutual respect and caring.

[deleted account]

I feel the same way, my son has just moved in with my husbands niece and she has 2 daughters so we have 2 more grandchildren there, they are already calling my son daddy, it's really lovely to hear as my son's baby boy was born 3 months early, he lived for 11 minutes then passed away.

Pam - posted on 04/30/2010

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Yes its the same.My son was married to a women who had a 12 year old daughter.She is not my blood but all thou they are divorced she still calls me grandma.Even my daughters ex boyfriends daughter calls me grandma.When i married my second husband My mother in law treated my first 2 children the same as the ones that are her blood grandchildren.Its not right to play favorites.But then people play favorites with their blood grandchildren too.The children know when they are not wanted.

Denise - posted on 04/30/2010

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I feel the same way as "Theresa". I love all my grandbabies the same. In our family, blended, 6 children and 19 grandchildren and one on the way!!! Our motto is "EVERYONE" is "REAL". No such thing as "step". Bless you and your "grandbabies."

Angela - posted on 04/25/2010

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While reading your reply, it brought back childhood memories not good ones I might add). I was a double-step grandchild. My step-dad (adopted me when I was 8) was also adoped (an orphan child born in the 40's). When his parents bought gifts for our "cousins" they were nice gifts. The shopped at Macy's & bought them beautiful clothes & toys. For us they shopped at Kmart & bought regular & much cheaper things for us. Out clothes were often too big or too small (without tags to return- back then you had to have tags to return items). My sisters (my younger sister was my step-dads natural child) & I ached with jealousy, but we kne why we were treated differently.

I guess in all of this, I became a better grandmother to ALL of my grandchildren & have pity on those grandmothers that feel less for the grandchildren that aren't "really" theirs.

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