Patricia - posted on 03/25/2010 ( 462 moms have responded )
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Hi, i am a 50 year old grandmother and about to be a first time step grandmother. I love my children alot and my grand children. I am currently working at Oyster Pond Academy and going for an interview at Sea Rover Resort and Marina. i feel my life is just beginning. It's been a long hard struggle, but finally i'm starting to get on with life.
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Megan - posted on 10/07/2011
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Why on earth would you ever differentiate between the two? Especially if the kids are part of a blended family. I grew up with two older half siblings and certain grand-parents treated them and now their children like second class citizens because they were steps on that side. It infuriated my younger sister and I when we were old enough to really see what they were doing. My father treats my older siblings' children exactly how he treats mine, because in his eyes they are all his grand-kids and should be treated as such. He may have treated my brother differently from the rest of us but that was only because my brother made it a point to let my dad know that he wasn't his real dad and wanted nothing to do with him. My sons don't know the difference between step and regular relatives they just know they have cousins and I think that's what's most important. Treat all the kids the same and you won't have to worry about a thing but I can tell you from experience that if you make the distinction not them about the "step" relationship they nor their siblings will ever forget it.
Faye - posted on 10/06/2011
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When my brother married my SIL, she had two kids already. My mom hated the term step-whatever so she/we never used it. She gained three grandsons and a daughter-in-law within two weeks of each other. My son was born the end of Jan and they were marreid in the middle of Feb.
We have never refered to them as step nephews, they have always been nephews. In fact my brother played a major part in the youngest ones life as he was 3 when my brother started to date his mom. Even today 17 years later, he calls my brother DAD and his dad by his name.
MARY - posted on 10/02/2011
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I have been a grandmother for the past six years to my step-daughters' son.She now has two boys & I love them as much as I love their mother.She is like a daughter to me just as the kids are.I hate the word STEP.They are my grandkids no matter what anybody says.I would do anything for them & they know that.
Karen - posted on 10/02/2011
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If the step Grandchildren want you as their Grandmother then it is much the same. If not, then it will be more difficult.
Suszanne - posted on 10/02/2011
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Hi Patricia, treat all your grandchildren as your grandchildren and you can't go wrong! My parents were divorced as were the parents of my 2nd husband. Due to all the remarriages, my children now have 8 living grandparents - only 3 of them are blood-related. They also had 3 other blood-related grandparents who have since passed. They call each of them Grandma or Grandpa and their first name to help keep them apart. All of the non-bio grandparents have accepted my children into the family as if they were born there. May God continue to bless your family.
P - posted on 09/30/2011
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Hello I have 7 Grand children 2 of my own and 5 "steps" I really never never thought of them as steps...I was there for my very first grandchilds birth... it was my husbands oldest daughters child... I have been there for my own girls child birth...they are all my girls so they are all my grandchildren...
I never ran into any trouble with loving them the same..
My oldest gilr does get the Green eyed monster if I spend time with my "first" grand daughter..she is 10 and is fun now...she always was fun.. but my daughter thinks I never spent alot of time with her son... I really only spend fun play dates with the girls... the boys play out back on the swing set or play in the mud...lol So after rambling on and on.. I do treat my steps the same as my own blood they ARE my family...
a Mom Mom of 7
Tawnya - posted on 09/28/2011
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I have a 5 yr old daughter who has no contact with her bio dad or his family. She calls my husband daddy and recently got a baby sister. I feel if you as a grandma treat all the grandchildren the same no matter if they are bio or step you deserve to be called grandma by all of them. My husbands parents and grandparents treat my daughter no differently then her sister and actually have a better bond because they have only known her for a year so they are trying to catch up on the time they missed with her. My grandma believes very strongly as does my parents that there is no bio or step child in our families they are their grandchildren and great grandchildren reguardless of who their parents are. My daughter has gained a side of a very wonderful and loving family she had never known. She went from having mommy, grandma, grandpa, nana and auntie to 2 new sets of grandparents, 1 set of great grandparents and an uncle who is 14 that she absolutely loves and he just adores and dotes on her.
Janet - posted on 09/26/2011
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i am a grandma period! doesn't matter if they are blood or not, or if they are family or not!
Dana - posted on 09/26/2011
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It SHOULD be the same... but that is up to you. My MIL absolutely adored my daughter; she was 2yo when my husband & I met (4yo when we got married), and my daughter loved her... equally to her bio-grandparents.
Tina - posted on 09/26/2011
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My Step-Granddaughter is counted as my Granddaughter by my family. I married my husband and his 2 children, as he married me and my 2 children. So when the grandchild came. It was we have a grandchild. Not my husband has a gradnchild. We have been able to be open enough to put the "step-label" on when identifying any of the 4 kids or grand. My friends realize me as a grandmother. I am happy to be "Gigi" to my graddaugher
Tina - posted on 09/26/2011
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My Step-Granddaughter is counted as my Granddaughter by my family. I married my husband and his 2 children, as he married me and my 2 children. So when the grandchild came. It was we have a grandchild. Not my husband has a gradnchild. We have been able to be open enough to put the "step-label" on when identifying any of the 4 kids or grand. My friends realize me as a grandmother. I am happy to be "Gigi" to my graddaugher
Patti - posted on 09/24/2011
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Good question...good luck with the job
Patti - posted on 09/24/2011
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Good question...good luck with the job
Patti - posted on 09/24/2011
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Good question...
Terry - posted on 09/22/2011
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I have no grand childre but I do have two very lovabe step grand children. I treat them as if they were my own grandkids. And they both treat me as f I was tere grandmother. It is a great feling
Theresa - posted on 09/22/2011
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I posted that to myself and my grandkids not being blood related doesnt matter and for us that is true. But my husbands family doesnt acknowledge my adult kids or grandchildren at all. In fact I had adopted my niece and nephew before my husband and I got together. We raised them together from the time they were 5 and 6. When my husbands mom died a few years ago and they wrote the obituary, there was only mention of my husbands blood family. Its a weird situation. I do have a very large immeidiate family but even so, you would think a summer picnic would allow for all to be invited. Not so. Very cold people.
Sharon - posted on 09/22/2011
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When I remarried I gained a fourth daughter and two more grandchildren. My favorite saying is.... the only steps here lead to the front door. I love them all just the same.
Tina - posted on 09/22/2011
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It is understandable that there are many emotions involved when you add "step" to the front of any title. That "step" means there has been a lost - whether through divorce or through a death and it is often difficult to let someone else take on the role that was once held or maybe (divorce) is still being held by someone. Life is not fair and it is not easy - it is what it is...it's important to remember who the adults are. If you have an issue with the "step" in the picture it's best to let them know where the boundaries are. It may surprise you that the person may not know how to act, what is expected, or what is allowed.
Liz - posted on 09/22/2011
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It isn't up to the step-grandmom as to whether she is a grandmom or not, but up to the more immediate family of the baby. Sometimes it is just not appropriate.
My father in law remarried last year and his wife really muscles in on my husband, me and our baby. She styles herself 'Mimi', introduces our baby to friends of hers that are not introduced to US and preaches on and on about being our daughter's grandmother. Our daughter HAS two grandmothers, one of whom has sadly passed away.
There are much more sensitive ways in which the 'step-grandmom' could get involved in our lives to the degree that she wishes without treading all over the wishes of my late mother-in-law's family. She won't learn, however, as she is pushy and overbearing by nature.
Ellen - posted on 07/09/2011
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of course why not. What are u the lady that doesnt matter.
Steffanie - posted on 07/09/2011
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Yes, it is the love that makes a child your grandchild, not blood.
Dianna - posted on 03/11/2011
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Yes they are I have two , that are now grown up, they came into my life when they were quite young, Love and the same feelings as my own they are MY grandchildren and always will be
Shonon - posted on 03/11/2011
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Hi i have 4 grandchildern and one more on the way, there is no step unless someone teaches them that. I love them all as my own , they really bright up my days.
Georgia - posted on 06/06/2010
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I am 46 and have been married to my husband for ten years. My girls are 19 and 23. His daughter has never accepted me. She has told her kids I am not their grandmother. Her oldest going in 8th grade was calling me Oma and had to quit.the other two did not even hug me.Just since Christmas the youngest a girl 7yrs. has started to hug me the middle boy does not speak or hug. I say it depends on the family the mother and the grandmothers and how they tell the kids to relate to the step grandmother. I have seen some wonderful relationships with stepgrandmothers.I feel they lost out.
Carla - posted on 06/01/2010
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I have alot of mixed feelings on this subject. I have been married to my husband for 21 years he has a 25 year old son and was always told by his maternal grandmother that I was nothing to him, I treated him as I did my own and loved him just as much, even now he does not consider me his childs grandparent. On the other hand I have an exhusband who has been married 4 times since our divorce was never much of a father to his own children, but the day after his marriage insist that his new wife is our grandchildren's grandmother. If you have earned the title of grandma to that child and love that child. Then you are not a stepgrandma you are a grandma. Enjoy!!
Joy - posted on 05/26/2010
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I don't have any step-grandchildren, but I have 2 step-children and my parents treat them the same way as they treat my own children, well, not really, until my youngest was born my step-daughter was the novelty, FINALLY a granddaughter LOL. My father is just as proud of his step-grandson as my boys, maybe moreso now that he joined the Army and finished boot camp where my dad did. They see no difference in the kids, they are all their grandchildren......all six of them. They love them all just the same.
Nancy - posted on 05/25/2010
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I have 2 Daughters who have made me a Grandma to 6 Grandchildren. They are all loved the same. So are my Daughters. No step for this Mom or Grandma! I love them all and count myself lucky to have them in my life.
Judi - posted on 05/25/2010
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as a stepmom of 18 years, and a step nana for 6, I love them as if they were mine. I have 3 biological kids & 2 steps. I also have 7 grandchildren and 1 greatgrand child, I hate the word step!! I love all my kids and their kids!
Karen - posted on 05/11/2010
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I think that all children should be treated equally. I have a granddaughter who is not biological, as a matter of fact, she was born almost 3 years ago and I have other grandbabies due in October and November. You never hear the word "step" out of my mouth...........
Mary - posted on 05/10/2010
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My step-daughter (and I NEVER call her that) came to live with us 9 years ago when she was 10, she is my daughter. I was with her for the births of both our grandsons, love her with all my heart, and will protect them just as a lioness would. The only steps in our house are the ones leading in!
Mary - posted on 05/10/2010
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Although my step-daughter (and I NEVER call her that) came to live with my husband and me 9 years ago when she was 10, she is and always will be my daughter. I love her with all my heart, was with her for the birth of both my grandsons, and will fight just like a lioness to protect them. The only steps in our house lead to the door!
Ellen - posted on 05/05/2010
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I so like your story and the way you handle things. I also hate the word step
Ellen - posted on 05/05/2010
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Yes that is an awful question. My husband raised my son as his own from a young age. My son has a son which he never uses step on either. I hate that word. My husband deserves and earned to be be called dad and poppy from the son and grandson.It do not take blood to be a true parent.
Cathy - posted on 04/30/2010
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I agree that a step grandmother is better than being a grandmother. I have to step granddaughters and I wouldn't change any thing, I love them just like they were my own grandchildren. I enjoy spending time with them. I also share in there dance and their birthdays with there real grandparents.
Julie - posted on 04/30/2010
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I'm a stepmother, to 2 young men who became my stepsons when they were 4 & 7. Their birth Mommy passed away when they were 2 & 5. My parents are grandparents to my sons, just as their birth Mommy's parents & their Dad's parents. I'm their Mom, and they have a heavenly Mommy. The only time I refer to my sons as step is when I am explaining the story of how I became their Mom. I'm so very blessed. They are 16 & 19 now.
Cyndi-Ann - posted on 04/30/2010
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Well, as wonderful as it sound that everything is the same... that may or may not prove to be true. It can depend a lot on the age of the child coming into your family. Treat the child the same as you treat your grand children, and go from there. The child may or may not bond with you, but even if it is not the same amount of bonding and love, if you continue to treat him the same as the others it will instill at the very least a mutual respect and caring.
Deborah - posted on 04/30/2010
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I feel the same way, my son has just moved in with my husbands niece and she has 2 daughters so we have 2 more grandchildren there, they are already calling my son daddy, it's really lovely to hear as my son's baby boy was born 3 months early, he lived for 11 minutes then passed away.
Pam - posted on 04/30/2010
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Yes its the same.My son was married to a women who had a 12 year old daughter.She is not my blood but all thou they are divorced she still calls me grandma.Even my daughters ex boyfriends daughter calls me grandma.When i married my second husband My mother in law treated my first 2 children the same as the ones that are her blood grandchildren.Its not right to play favorites.But then people play favorites with their blood grandchildren too.The children know when they are not wanted.
Denise - posted on 04/30/2010
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I feel the same way as "Theresa". I love all my grandbabies the same. In our family, blended, 6 children and 19 grandchildren and one on the way!!! Our motto is "EVERYONE" is "REAL". No such thing as "step". Bless you and your "grandbabies."
Deborah - posted on 04/30/2010
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I have 4 grandchildren, 14 step grandchildren and 4 step great grandchildren and I'm only 48.
Angela - posted on 04/25/2010
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While reading your reply, it brought back childhood memories not good ones I might add). I was a double-step grandchild. My step-dad (adopted me when I was 8) was also adoped (an orphan child born in the 40's). When his parents bought gifts for our "cousins" they were nice gifts. The shopped at Macy's & bought them beautiful clothes & toys. For us they shopped at Kmart & bought regular & much cheaper things for us. Out clothes were often too big or too small (without tags to return- back then you had to have tags to return items). My sisters (my younger sister was my step-dads natural child) & I ached with jealousy, but we kne why we were treated differently.
I guess in all of this, I became a better grandmother to ALL of my grandchildren & have pity on those grandmothers that feel less for the grandchildren that aren't "really" theirs.
Melanie - posted on 04/18/2010
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I like that
Melanie - posted on 04/18/2010
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why do you say no?
Laura - posted on 04/18/2010
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My husbands family treats my daughters as their own..... the entire family :-)................ I am crying tears of joy right now just sharing this with you.....
My girls adore their teenaged cousins.... cherish the hand-me-down clothes just because they were Em,Laur or Cal's .......and look forward to family get togethers at Nana and Pap's !
It is as real as YOU make it....... and believe me the kids can tell the difference in how you feel...
You truly LOVE that child.... YOU are GRANDMA.... you are a SUPERHERO.....
....just ask me I'm an adoptive MOM.... dna doesn't matter!!
Jodie - posted on 04/18/2010
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wow, thanks that is love and i appreciate you as a woman of god!
Jodie - posted on 04/18/2010
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hi first an foremost, i have two step children, and one step grand child. the steps are kind intelligent young adults, late 20's and we are estranged emotionally, used to be closer, life happens and not so close now. the pain of estraning was intense for me, not sure how they felt, but thru it it seems i have lost the place as step grandma, i send dinero, for diapers is how i say it, cause when i was buying them, it was a difficult financial time for me. have had a natural grand, and this child fills a void for sure in my life. not sure how to fix the step grand relationship, would if i could, any suggestions?
Cyndi-Ann - posted on 04/18/2010
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ugh I hate this quote of Hilary Clinton a woman who probably did depend on a lot of others to raise her child, as she herself said she could not be bothered to be home baking cookies for her child. It takes a responsible parent or two to raise a child with dedication, love discipline and encouragment.
Mary - posted on 04/18/2010
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I think you decide the role you want to be in their lives. You can be as much grandma as you want. ;-)
Leslie - posted on 04/14/2010
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without a dought..it's about love not a title !! Enjoy !
Debra - posted on 04/14/2010
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Yes, if God gives you a grandchild of any kind its the same. I know from experience, My son started living with a woman in 1996 who had a two & a half year old son, Dallas.at that time Dallas lived with his dad. My son & her had 2 boys together Caleb in 1997 & Daniel in 2000. They divorced in 2002. Dallas always lived with his father but Caleb & Daniel were living with her. I always thought of Dallas as mine and treated him that way,when her & my son seperated that cut me off from Dallas & I didn't see Dallas again until 2005 when Caleb was killed in a car wreck & Daniel suffered severe brain damage, BUT is alive & doing well anyway I saw Dallas at the funeral and then again in 2006 when Daniel was at my house visiting & he came to see his little brother, the first time he had seen him after the wreck. Then i didn't see Dallas again until 2009 NOW inthe mean time Dallas's dad died from a heart attack-- HIS MOTHER never even went to see if she could get him from the stepmother and she had every legal right to him, BUT she wanted to party & such & she had Daniel who was getting a disability check. Now this is the part of the story that takes the cake, the STEPMOTHER tried to get a hold of the mom & the moms Mother, they would not return her calls so she called me & told me she did'nt want Dallas anymore, so I CALLED the mom & the grandmother & they said they couldn't handle him because of his anger towards them so guess who now has custody of the 16 year old Dallas, thats right you guessed it ME, the STEP GRANDMOTHER, BUT Dallas is not a stepgrandchild Dallas is just a grandchild, I never introduce him as step HE is mine. I love him & treat him just like my blood grandchildren, because he is a grandchild that GOD gave me. I thank God everyday for Dallas & hope that one day he will be able to forgive the people that are supposed to be family, & ALSO remember that FAMILY is what GOD gives you. Love knows no step or color or religin or anything else it only knows LOVE.
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