MEETING STEP DAUGHTERS FOR THE FIRST TIME HELP

DAWN - posted on 07/26/2009 ( 13 moms have responded )

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hi everyone i am step mom to elijah age 10 and heavenly & leah age 8 they are twin girls we have elijah for visits thourgh out the year and we will be meeting the girls and getting to know them shortly long story will save for another day








we live in upstate ny have 2 dogs a pitbull taz & xena shep mix also dopey the cat i work for the state can anyone give me advice on meeting the girls and getting to know them one is a tom boy the other one is a girly girl

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Brenda - posted on 07/30/2009

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Hi, Dawn. I wish you lots of luck and prayers! My advice is to be yourself and let them get to know you. Don't over do or give in to them right away. Let them know that you don't want to take their mom's place in their lives and that you want be in their lives no matter how small a part that may be. I'm a stepmom and have made lots of mistakes along the way and now am trying to reconnect with my stepdaughter who is now a mom. No one can tell you exactly what to do because each situation is different. I wish you all the best.

Jacky - posted on 07/30/2009

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Ive got 3 step daughters and they are wonderful. Just treat them the same as your own good or bad times too. Good luck

Manda - posted on 07/27/2009

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Hi Dawn and welcome! I'm afraid I can't really help with advice other than to find out as much info on them as poss from father and mother if that's possible. Also don't try too hard - kids can pick up vibes very easily (just remembering from my childhood) and they need to get to know the real you. So relax and be yourself. A lot will depend on circumstances surrounding their parents separation as to how they will accept you to begin with.

Am afraid I haven't been a stepmom - just had one - so I am sure there will be others that can help you better. If you don't get many replies try changing your heading to something like "meeting the step daughters for the first time - help". That should then grab the attention of others who have been in the same situation.

Best of luck and hope it all goes well! :)

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Carmen - posted on 08/01/2009

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Hi Dawn! when I moved in with my husband and his daughter she was 14, I went through a lot but I put up with the fight Today we still together and have a 31/2 years old beautiful daughter. My stepdaughter and I get alone fine she's 21 now! I just confronted her nice and easy, or when I needed to I spoke to her mom too! Now she’s is a beautiful 21 years old girl that’s I keep in touch with us and loves her sister very much.

LISA - posted on 08/01/2009

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Hi Dawn,

I have not meet my step daughter yet. I have been with my husband for over 3 yrs now & married for 7mths. She hates me & refuses to have anything to do with me as she believes i took her Dad away from her, she is 15 now. I normally get on very well with kids but not this young lady she wont even give me a chance. My advice would be just be yourself thats all anyone can ask really, treat her no different to how you would treat your own kids, be her friend not another mum. Best of luck xxx

Christine - posted on 07/31/2009

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i have had 3 different step-mothers, but my dad lived far away, so i didn't see them often. i also raised my step-daughter from the time she was 10 years old. if you are able to talk to their mom---you have got things going good for you already!! some people get so nasty after divorces. remember never to say anything negative about their mother, and make sure they know that you have no intention of trying to take her place-----you might even ask them what they have done with their mom when you have visitiations. let your husband deal with any discipline issues that might come up---that's his job, not yours. and this might sound weird, but you don't have to love them and they don't have to love you---but you do have to treat each other respectfully----i would guess that the love will come after awhile, anyway. good luck.

Teresa - posted on 07/31/2009

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Hi Dawn,

well what can I tell you. I also had to meet my fiances' 4 daughters, ranging in age 17 down to 12 at the time. The oldest are twins as well. The best advice I can give you is to be yourself. Kids can smell someone who is being fake from a mile away. If they have a good relationship with their dad then they should be easy to get along with. 8 year olds though could be tough, take it slow and see how they react to you first. Try to find what they like to do and build up from there......Good luck.

Rhonda - posted on 07/31/2009

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I am a step mom and my 23 year old daughter is now a step mom. Your relationship with the girls is going to depend alot on them, their attitude and personality. Just dont try too hard what will be will be. Good Luck

Lori - posted on 07/29/2009

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I am on both ends of this. I have a stepmother and I am a stepmother. The best advice I can give is to have communication with the girls mother. You may not always find it easy, but if you begin that way you will hopefully establish a "non-threatening" relationship with the girls. I met my stepdaughter when she was 2, and instantly fell in love with her so I worked hard to maintain peace between all parties. To this day, even though I don't have warm feelings for her mother, I never speak negatively about her or the past. Also, appreciate the girls for who they are as individuals, not because they are your husbands daughters. One last thing, always err on the side of caution, don't say it or do it if you question how the girls will take it. Once you build a one on one relationship with each girl, you can let your hair down.

Kim - posted on 07/28/2009

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Well I think you are doing the right thing on talking to their mother first and finding out a few things about the girls and I am sure that she is feeling the same way as you..nervous but like I said before just be yourself and remember to breath..for things will turn out just as they are suppose to. Best wishes to you and your new family.

DAWN - posted on 07/28/2009

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i think things are going to go good my stepson loves me so hopefully the girls will too just nervous going to try to talk too thier mom in the next few days and ask her questions about them

Kim - posted on 07/27/2009

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I have been a step mom for a long time, but I do not call myself a step mom, just ask my kids I am mom but you situtation sounds a little different, my suggest would be just be yoursef and be honest with the kids or they will think you are stange and not an upfront person. Take it one step at a time, try not to rush in to quickly and remember to ask question of the girls so you have some Idea what they like and do not like, and the most important advice I really can give you is to remember to breath, things will be just fine and remember the girls do not expect you to be perfect



so best wishes you and your extended family

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