mom & grandma - 55 - how to handle other in-laws

Maudie - posted on 08/26/2009 ( 1 mom has responded )

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My daughter is guardian of 3 children because of divorce in her husband's family. The husband's mother said she would help when she wasn't working and would help in the evenings. When she gets home from she takes an hour to get to my daughter's house she's just in time for dinner and plays with the baby (7 months old) and that's all she does. She doesn't even help clean up dishes, or bathe the kids. She doesn't cook any meals. On Saturdays, (her days off) she sleeps half the day and goes to the house if she feels like it. She then on Sundays goes home after church and takes a nap. I know my daughter asked for this but this mom & grandma gets tired of babysitting a couple of them everyday when she doesn't do anything. I've let my daughter know that she is being taken advantage of by her mother-in-law but she says it's okay. If it's so okay why does she ask for help from me? I love my own granddaughter (2) and will love and take care of the new one coming, but how do we tell them no. The kids have been us so much they call us grandma & grandpa and would rather be with us than with the real grandparents. How do we handle this without alienting our son-in-law, who we love like our own son.

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Teresa - posted on 08/26/2009

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Sounds like the Grandmother ends up just being another person that your daughter has to "take care of" while she's there in the evenings!You are right...that's NOT helping!That Grandmother should take them to her house,that would be more helpful AND give your daughter a break!It's great that you want to help your daughter,and be a loving influence to those kids.It sounds like the "real" grandparents are not too bothered!(what a shame!!)If your daughter is afraid to tell the real grandparents that she needs help,then maybe you should!Let them know how those kids are calling you Grandma and Grandpa because they see you more than them.Maybe that will be a wake-up call!As for your son-in-law,there is no way that he cannot be aware of what's going on.He has to see how it's stressing and wearing out his wife!(and you!)Let him know your concerns.I've learned that the worst thing you can do,is keep it in.Eventually,it's going to explode,and then everyone will be playing the "blame game".And the last thing those kids need,is a big family feud!~I wish you luck!

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