Mom of an adopted child that just turned 4

Teresa - posted on 01/01/2009 ( 5 moms have responded )

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Hi all,

I was wondering if anyone out there chose to adopt a child? I have had my daughter since she was 6 weeks old. The only information I have is that her birthmother used drugs during her pregnancy and there was very little prenatal care.

Josie is very bright, but her behavior is a challenge. She has issues with listening, talking back, trantrums, and going to bed. Does anyone have any advice?

Thanks,
Teresa

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Sharon - posted on 01/03/2009

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Hi Teresa, my name is Sharon and I have an adoptive son who is 4 years old. His background is similar to your daughters. My son is very active, bright and imaginative. His issues are also similar. We have learned that a lot of patience, being consistant with his scheduel and lots of love go a long way. I try not to make everything a battle. I want to say that it will get easier. But, each stage brings new challenges. I'm new to this website and so far I find it very informative and lots of useful tips. I hope you find it too. It's nice to know there are other parents with similar challenges. Good luck to you.

Deb - posted on 01/03/2009

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Hi, Josie, I'm Deb and we adopted twins four yrs ago and we had a very open adoption with the birth mom . My twins are really a triplet set and we keep in touch with their sister. You asked for advice. I have some of the same issues with my daughter. I try to be consistent with her that can be a challenge at time. If she is sassy I send her to her room. Try to find things that are important to your daughter to take away or a privilage to get her attention. That is what I do with Emily and Nate . Her brother is very social and I send him to his room to not participate. He just hates this so he is ready to comply when he comes out of his room. Temper tantrums are a different story. With Emily I just walk away from her and just ignore her behavior. It does not take her long to figure out that she is not going to get her way with the temper tantrum. Going to bed is also another story. We have the same routine every night at the same time. We brush teeth, read a story, pray for family and friends and they go to bed at 8 pm. Hang in there, it can be very trying at times and you feel worn out but sticking to your guns will pay off in the long run. I nannied for a family in Oregon for 6 and a half yrs. and Liz was three when I started and now she is 16. I was very consistent in my discipline with her. My husband and I see her as our first daughter. She now thanks me for all I did for her and we are really close. We text message each other all the time . I look forward hearing from you.

Deb

Julie - posted on 01/02/2009

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Hello! Congrats on your decision to adopt. I am a mother of one biological son and one adopted daughter, nine years apart. My daughter is "high spirited" and very driven. Consistency is one thing we have found that works with her as well as taking away privlages (sp?) Don't back down...just hang in there. It does get better. Mine is now 6 and it is easier than it was. Good luck!

Lorraine - posted on 01/02/2009

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We adopted 2 chidern when they were babies also. It is a joy to have them. We also have 2 chidern of our own. I think it's what they call a blended family now a days LOL..

I love them like I gave birth to them and would never feel any other way.We also adopted our kids when they were babies.They call semm to deal with rejection as they get older.Both our kids have now found there birth family and seemed to have settled with knowing why. But it is still hard for them to deal with it.I think it's something they have to learn to deal with.

I found that you have to be firm with them and stick to the plan. Don't give in to them as it will just keep on getting harder to deal with her. I know it's hard to say that but it works best I have dealed with allot of kids and they will try and get away with anything if you let them I was a foster parnet for many yrs so know allot about them and all there little tricks.Just keep up the good job you are doing and in the end it will be worth it really. My kids are now all grown up and it has got allot better.Hope this helps you a little.Take care.

Sid - posted on 01/01/2009

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Hi Teresa,
I have two adopted children.. now 11 and 8.. both came home at 10 and 11 months, respectively. Both are from Russia. I have little to no biological information on birth parents either.
Do utilize your health care system. Find out if there is an adoption networking group in your area so you can try and find a provider who understands adoption health issue.
Don't stop until YOU feel satisfied you've gotten her the help you think she deserves.
Good luck.

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