My 20 year old is in a relationship in which is controlled and manipulated. My opinionated, outgoing girl now hardly talks. They work at the same job, same hours and she is no longer in touch with any of her old friends because her fiancee doesn't like them. Other than pray, what's a mom to do. my husband barely speaks to my dd.

Lourdes - posted on 01/15/2012

Joy, I am sorry for the pain you are experiencing, my only advise is to keep the lines of communication open between you and your daughter, letting her know that you will always be there for her, if you are really close to her, you might want to perhaps invite her (just her) to lunch one day, the excuse can be that you miss spending time with,talk to her; during your time together directly address the issue (in a non-confrontational manner of course), you might want to print out the contents of the link below, these signs are evident that something is not "normal" in a relationship, choose your words and assure her once again that both you and your husband are there for her, in the event she needs a way out, remind her of what love really is, remind her of the relationship you and your husband have (the one she grew up with)...Best of luck and keep praying for her to open her eyes...



http://www.catalogs.com/info/bestof/top-...

Joy - posted on 01/04/2012

Thank you all for your insights and comments. I'm just keeping the faith that my daughter remembers at least some of the things that we have raised her to believe. They spent some time with our family and my daughter is as quiet as ever and obviosly has no control over money or much in else her life I'm trying to keep the communication open with her and put on a game face. Thanks again

Dianne - posted on 01/04/2012

I have a 22 year old who has a boyfriend who has alienated my daughter from her friends and most of the family...I try and keep the peace but long term I hope she will see the light and move on...not much you can do but try and keep the lines of communication open

Yvette - posted on 12/16/2011

Dear Joy..... having been through 15 years of abuse from male relationships i can tell you that the best thing you can do for her is just keep being there - no matter what. if you can get her alone try and give her some information to read when she is with you without him. do not let him see it or the information will disappear. if you go on google - search "abuse wheel" - it will bring up the same thing that a womens shelter would give her - its a wheel that shows all the types of abuse - emotional, financial, physical, mental, sexual, etc. there are seven types of abuse - don't be afraid to try - she may get angry at you but believe me she won't stay angry forever. Alienation from friends and family is always a major way that a spouse or partner will try to gain control over the other person. that is what is happening to your daughter. there is alot going on that others cannot see. she is losing her self respect and her confidence. he will beat away at that until she feels so bad that she will believe no one else will want her. your husband has to try too. keep telling her how special and talented she is. try and keep her self worth up as much as you can and try to get her to spend some more time with you and your husband but do not discuss him or she will become defensive. i know its difficult but hang in there. i have a community aswell - i work closely with a womens shelter in my community and also mental health and addictions - feel free to email me at againstabuse@live.ca. big hug

Katrina - posted on 12/12/2011

Hi there, I or anyone can not really help you with this situation. I went thru that crap when I was @ her age and had to learn on my own. There are may be something deeper than you know .... him threatening to do something to her or any of her family if she leaves etc. You and your hubby just need to keep your door, arms and wits open to her. She hopefully will have enough of it and see what is right/wrong. I am a bonus mom(step mom) of a girl that is going thru the same thing!!! She is being soooo brain washed by this idiot that we can't even say anything without him knowing. It is a very difficuld situation not just for you but her as well. I just listen ... keep documents and even report when/if there is abuse.
I hope this helps just a little - just don't push your thinking, feelings and what SHE may think is negative on her. Keep your eyes open for her !!! Good luck and IF you need to talk - I'm here. Katrina