My son is 19, very very depressed and I don't know how to help him.

Tricia - posted on 10/16/2011

i will pray for you and your family.i have also gone thru depression ,but it is better now. i found out i had a chemical inbalance and i also got spirituial couceling.Hang in there

SAC - posted on 10/11/2011

@ Sharene It is a shame you did not read on toward the final page of this posting...then you would know...your comment comes too late. : (...

Sherene - posted on 10/11/2011

Jane I respect what you said but one must be careful to add medications to a situations such as that some meds have very dangerous side effects and you don't want him to get any worst..

I have heard that depression medications actually makes you worst and can cost you to take your life, I don't know how true it is but had a family friend who was depressed and the medication that she was placed on made her got deeper in depression and her aunt was wondering why she was not getting any better , not until she read the medication side effects in small writings suicide was one of the side effects ...

He needs to see a counselor who can relate to him on his terms and not what the counselor feels or thinks, in situation you need someone who actually went through or experienced what he is now going through in other to bring peace adn comfort to his, heart, mind, soul and spirit...

SAC - posted on 10/11/2011

Words simply cannot express the sadness this news brings to my heart! May God Carry You Through This Emotional Tidal Wave! My prayers are with you...

Betty - posted on 10/11/2011

Please start attending church, grow closer to God, it will help you and your family during this time. There are some great Christian people who would love to help you through this very stressful time! Yes, I will pray for you and your son!

Denise - posted on 10/11/2011

I am so sorry! That is the one piece of news I did not wish to hear.

Louise - posted on 10/09/2011

Dear Cherie!
I'm so sorry for your pain that has doubled in intensity!
As a Mom first, and a Mental Health RN I will tell you that you are so right about Celexa...I work with teenagers, abused women and youths with dual diagnoses (a disability and psychiatric issues). What I have seen in my years working confirms that many meds worsen feelings and symptoms of depression...
For your sake, please remember that your son was so lucky to have you as a mother...through his lifetime you showed him your love by advocating and "being there" and you built him up and praised him to become who he is...
Now, as you no longer can physically be there for him, rest and know that he has God wrapping his arms of protection and love around him, keeping him safe and free of torment, until you see him again...

Marie - posted on 10/09/2011

Cherie, I am so sorry to read that your son passed away. You and your family are in my prayers. May God give you comfort and strength as your mourn the loss of your son. Please know that we are here for you if you need to vent or need support. God Bless!

Cherie - posted on 10/08/2011

This will be my last post for this forum. I appreciate all of the words of encouragement and support given through this post.
I'm sorry to say that my son lost his battle with depression on Thursday when I found him he had taken his life. This has been a devastating time for all of us. I do want to put out a caution to any who have loved ones dealing with depression. My son was on Celexa and I have now found out that one of the major warnings on this medication and many like it is that people taking this medication are more likely to commit suicide. If a loved one of yours is on any of these type of medications watch them for worsening symptoms. My son did not tell me he was going to commit suicide he just did it and I fear that his medication may have been a factor in the progression of his illness.
Take care and thank you for your concerns, support and prayers.

Marie - posted on 10/08/2011

So sorry for your loss. What a difficult time your family must be going through. Your son should see a therapist ASAP. Any talk of suicide is cause for concern. From what you described it seems that your son threw himself into his work and perhaps didn't give himself a chance to grieve the loss of his father - which can lead to complicated grief. I know it's hard to make a teenager go to therapy, but it is essential for someone who is depressed like your son is.

SAC - posted on 10/07/2011

@ Cherie hang in there and be strong...God is with you and your son. I for one...am very thankful that he has you as a Mother. Too often, the people around don't understand or even recognize what is happening. My prayers are with you! As I am sure, so very many others' are too!

Stay strong...hug your son...keep letting him know you care. We can seem to be better, but the tides of depression have a way of rolling back in on us when we least expect it. It is a slow healing process.



@ Denise It may not be an American site, but has wonderful information. I have a page that I work on to try to help others who are depressed...I will be linking this site to it because of the wonderful information contained there that could possibly help another in a time of need. Thank you for the link.

Denise - posted on 10/06/2011

Cherie! Your son is seriously unwell. An overdose is not attention seeking, it is not a cry for help, it is not a "silly or stupid thing". It is your boy telling all who will listen that he is sick, that he needs help. Does the hospital where he was an inpatient have a follow up community service? I say and say again in Australia our system is fabulous, we may need more $$$$ but mainly our mental health clients are well looked after. I had the shift from hell yesterday and once my grand daughter asked me what do I do and I replied....I look after those who want to die.
http://www.beyondblue.org.au/index.aspx?
The link above is to an Aussie site and it is fabulous. Have a look and see what you think.

Cherie - posted on 10/06/2011

I came home from school to find my son on the floor passed out. He had taken an overdose of his prescribed meds and also a deadly overdose of Tylenol. I called 911 and he was taken to the hospital where he was treated for Tylenol poisoning. He then spent a week in a mental hospital. When we went to meet with his dr there he was so excited and said he wanted to come home. The Dr ok'd it and we brought him home. He was alright for about a week and then has gone into a deeper depression. He goes days without eating. He sleeps all day unless I prod him out of bed. He was gone today and I actually went looking for him. He is at his place of employment but all alone. His father went to work and didn't come home so I'm having flashbacks of that day we learned he had died. I worry so much but don't know how to help. The people at the local mental health clinic have said I can have him picked up but I don't want to force help on him. Especially since the hospital he was in didn't make him bathe or anything. I am so tired of being worried like this all of the time but he's my son and I can't give up on him.
Thanks for letting me vent.

SAC - posted on 10/06/2011

Oh dear...my heart goes out to you and your son! Depression is never easy on anyone who cares. Please, don't ignore the thoughts of suicide...the Dr. you took him to is a quack in my book. I recently did a "lens" (a page) on depression from a depressed point of view. You can see it @: http://www.squidoo.com/finding-your-way-... There are suggestions for helping yourself come out of depression...perhaps you can use them in a gentle way to help your son. Having 3 boys of my own, I know that boys/men can be very difficult to help at times because they don't want to admit there is a problem too often. Encouragement, compassion and not letting yourself fall into the same boat because of feeling helpless is some of the most important things at a time like this...the largest part of dealing with depression comes from within a person. Perhaps your son is at a loss and needs to learn some coping skills that will help him pull through. My prayers are with you and your son! I am so very sorry for the loss you have both suffered...May God Carry You In His Loving Arms and Be Your Strength to get through this time...This Too Shall Pass.

Brittany - posted on 10/03/2011

I do not have kids your age and to be honest I am only 5 years older than your son but, one thing you can do is to let him know that you care.

I went through unsuccessful therapy after self-mutilation and ended up trying to commit suicide when I was a teenager. I can tell for sure that I felt like no one cared about me. My parents were going through a hard time and it felt as if I got lost in the cross-hair.

Other people I have talked to who have tried suicide have said the same thing as I. There is a feeling of hopelessness.

I wish you and your son the best. I will send some positive energy your way.

Denise - posted on 10/02/2011

I am a mental health nurse and my advice to my client would be to get back to your GP and start antidepressants and seek out a psychologist. He may not have a specific plan atm but it could change. He is in the demographics (sadly) for self harm. Keep on asking the question too. Good luck, look after yourself as well. You have experienced a great loss.

Christine - posted on 10/01/2011

Please talk to him daily. Have a few assigned times when you check in with each other and continue to seek professional help. Not having a plan means he hasn't thought it through that far, but it is still a threat to his wellbeing. Don't know if it would help, but maybe looking at family pictures together & laughing and crying over them together would help. Show him pics of his dad having fun, too, and remind him that his dad would want him to work through the pain and get to a place where he can have fun again. This is a sad and scary situation, especially since you are grieving,too. I urge you to find a support group for both of you. God bless -

PennySue - posted on 10/01/2011

Did you take him to a general practitioner or a psychiatrist? Even a qualified social worker? The answer they have given you is unacceptable to me. Find a family counselor, take everyone in your immediate family, then if he needs to go on alone that counselor will suggest someone. I speak from my own experience with depression not anyone else. I was told I was being "silly" for thinking what I was thinking. That sure didn't help me. Seek another opinion! You will never forgive yourself if you don't and anything happens.

Diana - posted on 09/30/2011

I had a similar problem. You have to be firm,go and get a referral to a psychiatrist and most likely he will need an anti depressant. Its vital this is done quickly. Not everyone just gets over this kind of thing and teens are more prone to depression. Also the data shows that depression in teens if gone untreated means they are more likely as adults to relapse into depression as adults. Get him treated by an expert not a gp,they just dont have the expertise. If you have to go to another doctor for a referral.

Jan - posted on 09/30/2011

Take him to another Dr in our community we have a couple of resources one is called Directions for Mental Health, Check with a nearby College some of the Psychology Depts can provide assistance or referrals, Talk to the counciling Dept of the school he attends. Contact Hospice, they have Grief support groups available. Keep Trying! and Let him know you love him and that you don't want to lose him! Let him know that you are there.

Janice - posted on 09/26/2011

He really may not know why he is suicidal. Does he talk about his dad at all? If you got out old pictures and not necessarily ask him questions but observe his body language and facial expressions about the pictures and make mental notes of your observations. Then when he is not around write these things down to give you clues to maybe about his thought process. If he acts out in some way, ask him if he can talk about his feelings. Grieving someone's death is a process but shutting down is showing he feels there is no hope to live. I know when I needed help the most just anyone that put out a line of appreciation or attention seemed to help me breathe better. He really may not know how to deal with this devastation and tell him these feelings are new to you also and that you were going to have figure it out as you go along.

Carolyn - posted on 09/26/2011

My heart goes out to you..You may need to speak with a doctor on this one..Don't think he is gonna kill himself or he would have already..he just does not know how to reach out..My Prayers are with you .

Pamela - posted on 09/26/2011

I to have had to deal with a depressed son and can totally feel where you are coming from. My son was depressed for a different reason, him and I were living in California with my now ex husband and he was being abused by the ex when I wasn't around. We left and then the depression got worse so he started seeing a therapist and then got admitted into the hospital for suiside but now he is doing great. All you really can do for your son is let him know how much you love him and you will be there for him no matter what. I know it's hard watching him in such pain and it hurts you too. Be strong for the both of you girl.

Julie - posted on 09/23/2011

he was so strong and now the grief is hitting him,he held up for you but its become too much for him,he will be ok with time love and understanding ,February is not a long time ago as far as a momentous loss like this is concerned,councelling should begin to help he may be afraid of offloading too much on you because he would realise you are trying to cope too,maybe you could both attend a berevement councellor,it can be a great help,God bless you both and I hope it will all be fine!

Randi - posted on 09/20/2011

Call your church, and ask them if they have a support group he can join

Tracy - posted on 09/19/2011

Find new medical insurance! Sure he is not an immediate danger to himself, but he obviously needs some counseling. If you don't have good insurance, there are low cost groups in many communities that can help. Just don't give up and don't let go.

Dana - posted on 09/18/2011

Cherie, there is no quick fix for depression, it takes time. Knowing you are there and that you will listen when he wants to talk, helps more than you know. I wanted someone to just listen, to acknowledge that what i was going through was real, and to just have them say "I love you and i am here for you while you go through these emotionally ups and downs. What helped me was a journal. I wrote out all the thoughts and feelings in my head onto the paper. Wrote out my anger feelings , all my fears. Suggest something like this for your son. Then ask him to write out a list of things he has to be grateful for. What is okay, what can he do to make his world a bit better, to get to tomorrow. Our brain only knows what we put in, and sometimes it gets stuck on the same track. You need to put in some new actions and new ideas. Ask your son if he has any ideas on how to help others who have lost someone. When we get our minds thinking about new thoughts, it helps us get out of the depressing fog. Cherie, show your son these posts...he needs to know how many others have gone through this, and how many of us really really want him to see that this is temporary...this feeling of helplessness and hopelessness and emptiness does go away..and he will be a stronger more understanding and beautiful person that will help others, during their time. Together people can get through anything, love is the most powerful thing we have to share.
Please feel free to have your son call me if he just needs to be heard, by someone who has been there and knows what he is going through. 1403 337-8668 And if you need to talk, I will be happy to hear from you.
Keep us posted on how you are all doing. You need to take care of 'You" too.

Cherie - posted on 09/18/2011

We live in SW Michigan and there is a place set up specifically for grief counseling called Lori's Place. We are looking into that to help my son. He is home now but already afraid that he is falling right back into his depression. The drs' at the hospital have already set him up with appointments with a physician and his counselor to set up for a psychiatrist appointment but as you know it takes time to get in to see people so he waits. I fear because I will return to work and school Monday and he will be left unsupervised and vulnerable. Leaves me a bit uncertain on how to proceed.

Donna - posted on 09/18/2011

Your son sounds like he is in a clinical depression, and though it does not need hospitalization, he needs a good psychiatrist for an antidepressant and a therapist to work on he grief- he could benefit from an out patient treatment program for his depression for a few weeks - you may find a program near your home durin the day or evening for a few days a week just to help get things started- groups are wonderful adjunct to a youn adult- if you. Can find a young adult psych program that would be best- what city are you in?

Dana - posted on 09/14/2011

Big hugs to you Cherie, and keep listening. Depression is not logical and impossible to understand if you have not been there. I am going to suggest he find a neutral party to talk with on a regular basis. A counsellor, a coach, a mentor, some where that he can open up and feel safe. Everyone deals with grief and success differently. His success may actually be scary with not having dealt with the grief. A lot of people self sabotage their own success out of fear or guilt. Keep listening and asking questions, and just let him talk without trying to fix anything. I know that I really just wanted someone to listen empathetically and with understanding and care..

Cherie - posted on 09/14/2011

Jeanne, thank you for your encouragement. And thank you for acknowledging my feelings as mom. I am starting to have panic and anxiety attacks from the stress and when my friends ask how I'm holding up I usually tell them I'll be fine because I have to because I'm Mom. There is no pain to compare to worry over ones children. Again, thank you for the encouragement.

Jeanne - posted on 09/14/2011

remember that eventhough he is presumably a grown man in his areas of responsibility the child within is crying out I would aspprach it from a different aspect take time to talk to him ask him how do handle so much responsibility at work and school? do you know how proud I am that you are my son? and remember there is a process called Baker acting where he will be put under mandatory Drs care for 72 hours please do not hesitate to react and follow through he is crying out for help and find gratitude in the fact that he is voicing his pain but get him help and speak with a professional yourself for guidance, because of course you are feeling this pain yourself!!! Life would be wonderful if all their boo boos could be kissed

Cherie - posted on 09/13/2011

I arrived home from school on Friday and found my son lying face down on the kitchen floor. He had taken too many of his anti-anxiety and anti-depression drugs, then in his stupor he took an estimated 35 tylenol. Fortunately I did find him and was able to call 911 and get him help. He is now in a hospital, where hopefully he is working on tools to deal with his depression.
The funny (not funny ha ha) thing is that he is now at the place that we had previously asked for help from. They said, before this crisis that they didn't take our insurance but since he is now considered a danger to himself they were willing to take him. This is one of the better facilities in the area so I'm hopeful that he'll get better.
Please keep him and us as a family in your prayers. Thank you for all of the advise.

Angela - posted on 09/13/2011

Our family doctor swears by exercise for young adults who are suffering from depression because anti-depressants often have the opposite affect on young adults. It has proven to really work for both of my sons who are 27 and 23. It gets the seratonin and adrenaline pumping and naturally they feel better. Plus it is good for self-esteem, etc. Joining an adult sports team like soccer, taking up tae kwon do (and even competing), running, working out at the gym, training for a marathon and taking part in one have all been things they have done or are doing. My oldest son likes to challenge friends to train with him or have goals with others to keep him motivated. He loves a challenge. Plus both sons live together so they have each other to encourage/challenge them.

If they stop exercise for whatever reason and start feeling "down" they have found that getting back to exercising works great.

I know it sounds too subtle but it really does work, especially for boys. They don't really want to go to counseling and sports/exercise appeal to their esteem and masculine goals. They will go "sweat off" a bad day or when they are upset.
Hopefully you can get your son "moving" with something or even just try different things until he finds what he likes.
Good Luck. I hope your son feels better soon.

Candice - posted on 09/12/2011

maybe after his father died he seemed ok because he kept himself so busy. now that he's landed his job, he's not as busy as before? the dr he saw is a SCHMUCK. if a dr cannot take you seriously on your depression, that dr cannot be taken seriously as a professional! crap like this outrages me! any thoughts of ANY kind of suicide is not normal. you don't have to have a plan! take him to a different dr because if your son does something horrible, i would hold that one unprofessional, non-serious dr responsible for it. idk what else to say except take him to someone else. don't give up and always always call and talk to your son, bring him surprise home cooked meals, be involved with him as best as a good mother can be.

Janet - posted on 09/08/2011

Take him to a different doctor until you find someone that can help he needs counseling.... in the mean time find someone that has a son or daughter that had the same experience or similar and get them to talk to but you need to keep trying with a new doctor..... Talking about killing himself he is crying out to you its when they don't talk and then its bad (I know )..... Find out about it. We have an organisation here called WISE its a Youth Information Referral Service for young people here in Australia....

Cherie - posted on 09/07/2011

My son is now on medication and seeing a counselor about every other week. I still worry because sometimes he seems to be improving and then days like yesterday when we started our first day of classes he told my daughter that he was going to drive off of a bridge into the river (a threat that he knows his father made, except my husband threatened to put the family in the car first). He also said he should quit school and work. He seems so fearful of everything and talking nonsense frequently. I don't know if I should call his counselor or just wait until his appointment. He did go to classes but he almost seems apathetic where he was once excited. Everything seems too much for him.
I feel guilty because my first thought is to make him move out as I don't want one of my younger girls walking in and finding he's done something stupid. I also don't want him making these kinds of statements to my girls. But I don't want him to feel that I'm abandoning him. So unsure how to approach this.

Erin - posted on 09/06/2011

Grief is a very personal issue. Its so hard for any of us to put our finger on how and when it is going to occur, and losing a parent during your teens is difficult to say the least. I was 17, and my reaction was delayed when my Father died. Your son may not know what to do with the feelings he is having and the feelings of desperation are pushing him toward the one thing he knows will end all of the confusion and pain. The certainty of death. You have to some how pull him back from the romance of that. Sounds strange I know, but he has somehow convinced himself that this is where he needs to go to find refuge and peace. Teen agers are strange creatures, and they are also very dramatic. DON"T SAY THAT... Ever to one of them as they won't trust you for a second, but knowing it can win you some battles, maybe even this one. Your son is depressed because he misses someone that he loved who has died. He doesn't know how to process that. Can you show him how? He may seem like an adult in all the right places, but when it comes to death and his Dad dying he is still a little boy who wants his Dad. Help him understand that his Dad is never coming back, and it hurts. It's ok to hurt. It's supposed to hurt. There are no rules in grieving, and people do it in their own time and at their own pace. He will never be the same person now, and nether will you. The person he is now has to learn how to live without his Dad. He's your son. Fight for him with everything you have. Oh and also let him know it's ok to cry. Sometimes men , young and old, forget that.

Michelle - posted on 09/06/2011

It certainly sounds like he is having difficulty in dealing with the loss of his father. Perhaps look for a support group for people around his age who are going through the same thing. Sometimes it's easier to talk to strangers. He may not talk to you as he's scared of upsetting you!

Kathy - posted on 09/06/2011

I went though a bout for depression about 10 years ago. It was brought on by several change in my life. When I met with my doctor the 1st time about it I had to go though a very detailed (one hour long) quesionaire. If they just talked to him you did not see the right doctor. Also the change of finding your dream job can give you the feeling like there is nothing else to try for. Even harder if his dad is not there. Get him some help the right help. There is nothing wrong with getting help. I was on anti-depressents/anti-anxiety medication for about 2 years. These medications don't have to be life long. Good luck. Will keep you in my prayers.

Bridget - posted on 09/06/2011

Hi Cherie, First, I wanted to tell you that I'm sooo sorry that you lost your husband. That alone must have been VERY hard on you. I lost my mom in a car accident at the age of 17, so I totally know the pain that your son is going through. You didn't mention whether or not your family is Christian or not. God loves you very much. He is the only One who can pull your son from this depression. But you must first rely on His Sacrifice that He made for your sins. It is critical that you and your son look at the sins that you have committed against a holy and righteous God. For myself, I know that when I was younger, I told lies, I stole things, I blasphemed God's Holy Name, looked with lust which Jesus says is adultery of the heart. I knew that I was on my way to Hell for committing these crimes against God's Laws. If you or your son have done any of these things, God can and will forgive you, but you must realize that God loved us so much that He sent His Son, Jesus Christ to die in our place so that we can be forgiven. He took the punishment that we deserved upon Himself on that Cross 2000 years ago, and rose from the dead defeating sin and death. Please repent (turn from your sins) and trust in Him for Salvation. Then, God will forgive you of everything that you have ever done wrong, and grant you eternal life with Him in Heaven! When you and your son do that, then God will heal your son's depression. Please read your Bible if you have one. If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask. I'm praying for you and your son.

Susan - posted on 09/05/2011

I think his talking about suicide is a expression of his frustration with the situation that he can not control. When my mother died I to was very depressed. Tell him that it is normal to be so sad after such a loss, and how much more it would hurt you if you lost both of them. Let him know that you are sad to . I hope you and your family are christen believers and can pray together for each other. That helped me more then anything ells and knowing that I will be with my mother again.

Arlene - posted on 09/04/2011

Find another Doctor, quickly, while he is willing to see one.

Theresa - posted on 09/04/2011

He may need medication for a short time not forever. He must feel like he had so much to take on since his dad's death. He now is the man of the house and thats a big deal and at 19 it has to feel overwhelming. You and your family are in my prayers. If he Believes in a higher power now is the time for him to ask for the help he needs I know for sure he will get it but its Gods time not ours.Let him know his Dad will always watch over all of you please Believe that I know its hard but again its true have faith he and all of you will make it through. "We must go through the storm to appreciate the sunshine". Best of luck and again your family will be in my prayers.

Kerry - posted on 08/29/2011

this is really hard for u i went thru depression and suicide with my son when he was 16 he may need to go on some medication and see a psychiatrist or psychologist so he has someone to talk to but he has to want to help himself before u can help him it is so frustrating but unless he wants the help u r left to flounder. good luck my prayers will be with u as u deal with ur loss of ur husband and the problems with ur son

Kathy Marie - posted on 08/24/2011

I too have a 19 year old and totally understand when they get their emotions and mixed up and makes it hard to know what the right thing is. I would first advise you to get him a counselor that is male and young. Someone who might have even had a loss themselves. I find my son a counselor through an unusual way. I did locate him one that was at a refuge center and they base the charge on your income. Since he probably doesn't have much of an income you may be able to find one of these. Check your local church they might know someone or your regular doctor. Anytime anyone that has suicide thoughts need someone to help those feelings do not always go away by themselves. If you have any questions for me just let me know. I will try to help the best that I can. I am by no means an expert just know what my son struggles with.

Kelly - posted on 08/24/2011

I am no expert - but think you need to find a suicide prevention group or practice where people will take him seriously. Those docs sound irresponsible to me - they should have at least evaluated his need for mood balancing medicines or herbs. How could they just send him away with no tools to support what he's going thru? Possibly therapy about the loss of his father for a start...so sorry for what you both are going thru.

Cherie - posted on 08/24/2011

My son is more than willing to seek help but since we lack insurance he is going to a local county clinic. The first day he went they had him fill out financial paperwork but he got to talk to no one. They had him come back a week later and he talked to a counselor for an hour and they told him to write his schedule, school/work on a calendar and they'd see him in two weeks. I have watched him get worse during that two week period. He wonders around with a blank look on his face. He has taken to sitting in the dark up all night. Scared the piss out of me when I went for a potty run. I didn't see him in the dark and as I came down the stairs he asks out of the dark what time it was. It was 2 am. The available resources for someone in emotional distress seem very limited at this time.

Lori - posted on 08/24/2011

Sounds like he may have delayed his grief process with "networking, learning etc" I wouldn't take the first Dr's advice of him not harming himself out
Of the possibility box just yet. I would encourage him to seek another opinion and also you don't mention if he would be willing to seek a support group or some other form of therapy. Anytime any mention of suicidal thoughts or feelings need to be put as first priority. You need to try to be as certain as possible that even though he has no solid plan, there is the feeling none the less. I hope you are able to find him some help for his obvious pain. Good luck to you and to him. I am sorry for the loss of your husband

Jane - posted on 08/23/2011

Has he indicated that he might be willing to go to family counseling with you? Sometimes folks need to talk it out but don't know how. Also, a counselor might be able to talk to him about some temporary medication to help him through the worst part.

We lost my husband this past December and my daughter had some similar problems. She has been able to talk it out with me successfully, but sometimes guys need an impartial third party. He might not be willing to go on his own, but perhaps he would go if you told him you needed him to support you.