My son is getting married. Help!

Debbie - posted on 09/01/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My 24 year old is getting married and he has been together with his fiance for about 4 years. She is very hard to figure out. My son is a follower and not a leader. She seems to take charge. She is an only child and no other family but her mom. My son was raised in a family with 2 other brother and alot of family values. I feel she is turning him away from his family. She does not know what family is all about. They are getting married next month I don't know what to do to keep my son from following her values, if any. She is a good person in alot of ways but she takes charge. I want to see my son more. What can I do?

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Louise - posted on 09/02/2010

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You have to accept that he has made his decision to marry this girl and that if you go in bad mouthing her you risk losing him forever.Make her welcome and comfortable in your home and you are more inclined to see more of them. Your son is a grown man and needs to make his own mistakes. Believe me when things go wrong he will be back on your door step. Do not make a wedge between him, his wife and you as you will lose out. There are more subtle ways to make him understand how you are feeling. A big hug says it all. Do not exclude his wife as she will disappear with your son if she does not feel welcome in your home. Give it time you may even learn to like this girl. i know it's hard but you have to let go I can assure you they all find there way home to mum eventually. Christmas is coming invite her and her family around to break the ice and try to have a good time play games and laugh together you never know what is around the corner!

Debbie - posted on 09/01/2010

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Thank you Kathleen G! At least I have a different perspective on the subject. I don't want to drive my son away. It is the first marriage of my 3 sons and I never had a daughter. I guess I am not used to having a relationship with a girl. She has a different kind of personality. Kind of hard to get to know her. But of course I will try. Thanks a bunch!! :)

Kathleen - posted on 09/01/2010

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Talk to your son about how you want to see him more BUT do not accuse the fiance of keeping him away. Whether she is or not, is not important. You brought him up to respect his family; trust him to respect you and to hear you when you ask to him to come around more often. BUT this is also a time when you have to let go and let him try life without you in it daily. Recognize that no one he brings home is going to be good enough in your eyes. Try to find the positive in your daughter-in-law-to-be. She might become a good friend to you if you meet her half way or even three quarters of the way. She might even be intimidated by the closeness of your family. Try to see from her perspective.

Alienating her will only alienate you son. Again, trust him to always be your son but let him go as he becomes a husband. Think about your own relationship with your mother-in-law. Even if you two are great friends now, it probably did not start out that way........Breathe...Pray...Breathe...Pray....etc.

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