new to this .. wondering as a mom of two and a daughter almost 5

Tami - posted on 11/26/2010 ( 17 moms have responded )

9

1

0

my baby girl WONT LISTEN. we put our Christmas tree up today and all I did was say no babe, to no avail.

I KNOW that spankings will not make her mind but sometimes (as a single mom) i feel like this kid is the boss of me!! any one Have and WONDERFUL advice that i can try to get her to LISTEN and OBEY her mom?

I ahve tried punsihments (taking away tv priviledges, time-outs, removing ALOT of toys that she adores- ha, they have been out of her room a yr- that worked well!! ) anyway, trying to not feel desperate but certainly spent this night. LOL

5 years old and the MADNESS is already here!! *H*E*L*P PLEASE!!! :-)

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Holli - posted on 12/08/2010

1

0

0

I was extremely lucky both of mine (now 9 and 11) were relatively good toddlers, but instead of terrible two's they both had a slight issue with behavior at 3. Two things worked, depending upon the situation- I would put a toy in time out, high enough were they could see it but couldn't play with it. This bothered them a whole lot more than me just taking it from them. The second, for unruly behavior such as fighting or tantrums, was to sit down in a quiet room with everything turned off and hold them securely in my arms. I did not spank them or pin them down, but held them in my lap with their arms secure in my hands where they couldn't hit or move, and told them they could get down when they were ready to listen and stop doing the prohibited behavior. Other than that I wouldn't say a word until they were ready to behave.

I will admit to one thing I would do very rarely because my own mother said it was cruel, and that was pretend to cry when my kids were behaving extraordinarily bad. I would say it hurt my feelings and sob, and that would calm them right down and have them trying to make me feel better by listening. I don't know why my own mother thought it was cruel, as I saw it as a way for my child to learn empathy. I didn't overuse it though, because I didn't want my children to become too acclimated to seeing me cry, and make it lose its effect.
Good luck.

Janine - posted on 12/08/2010

4

0

1

My experience would be to tell her the tree is a decoration and if she wants to touch it to ask mommy if she can hold the ordaments then take it off the tree and help her hold it and then put it back and so on after a while she will respect it and get bored (hopefully) of it. teach her to be gental with your things...hopefully the battle will be more of quality time spent together, this is what I did with my children and now with my grandsons!!

Melissa - posted on 12/08/2010

7

38

0

My oldest has 2 kids now one 9 and one 18mo, her oldest is like your 5 yr old, very strong willed, she got the book put out by Dobbs for Strong Willed children and it helped a lot when he was little. You might check nd see what books are out ther that deal with a strong willed child like your daughter. I raised 4 kids and had no idea about things like the books a\or any other area of help available to parents today. Also some areas have what is called Parents as Teachers groups that can help as well will ideas on how to handle thngs. Good luck and Have a Blessed Christmas

VicTORIa - posted on 12/05/2010

36

5

1

@Jacquey...I believe that spanking is only OK if you are the kind of person who can keep emotions out of discipline. As a child who was beaten regularly under that "Spare the rod, spoil the child" (saying)...IT DOES NOT WORK if the reason you are spanking a child is that you are angry. As parents we should only use discipline methods that are safe for both parent and child. A parent has the charge to be a role model to the child. Violence done in the name of discipline is still likely to get a violent response in return. (One of my siblings actually hit my mother back one day...) I like the naughty stool, naughty step, time out zone,... instead. If a parent is angry, it is better to walk away and calm down, than lash out at a child. (I would simply move the tree to the garage for a day, and say that if it can't be left alone we just won't have a tree for now)...When my kids were little, my Christmas Tree had wonderful handmade unbreakable ornaments that my kids could help me put on it...They knew the stories and made many of them themselves, so they took care not to damage anything. If your child is part of the scene you are creating, she will be more careful.

Jacquey - posted on 12/03/2010

8

8

0

I have to say it. I know it is not politically correct, but spanking sometimes is the thing that will work. The Bible says "spare the rod, and spoil the child". It's true. As a mother of 4 grown boys, I can tell you that sometimes, a spanking was the only thing that got their attention! However, the step solution is also a good way of making them understand that there are somethings they are not allowed to do. If you were talking about touching things on the tree, maybe a small tree of their own with unbreakable ornaments would let them feel important. I always kept unbreakable ones on the bottom of the tree anyway. Remember--you are bigger, wiser, and the leader and they NEED you to set boundaries. That makes them feel safe in this big scary changing world around them. You are the guiding light! :)

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

17 Comments

View replies by

Carolyn - posted on 12/10/2010

26

29

0

I don't think a 2 year old is capable of resisting the temptation of glittering ornaments! Put the playpen around the tree and save both of you a lot of frustration.....Two is an age when they start to get a will of their own, and is always difficult....save the punishments for important things., find ways to avoid confrontations for small stuff. I can't help what 'they' say, I don't think there is any substitute for the occasional smack. I don't think at 2 they understand 'time out' and taking away privileges. I have survived 5, all grown up and responsible adults now.

Paula - posted on 12/10/2010

6

7

0

I find distracting them is the best way to keep them away from the things I don't want them to get into. I am raising my two grandsons now and expect this to be a tough year for the younger one to understand exactly why he can't touch the things on the tree. Maybe sitting with him so he can touch safely will help. We'll see. I remember when my kids were little decorating only in baby rattle and another year only putting ornaments that were not as important to me or unbreakable at the bottom of the tree. Just remember this too shall pass !! Good luck !

Elaine - posted on 12/10/2010

1

1

0

How about getting her her own little tree. A child is fascinated with lights, glitter and brightly colored things. She can make her own little ornaments and take them off and put them on. It is Christmas and having her creating magic herself is a great way to empower that independent spirit and her own Christmas spirit. A tree is fun. She sounds like she just wants to touch these beautiful things and be part of it.

Helen - posted on 12/10/2010

210

39

11

if you can get hold of a copy try reading 'the no cry discipline solution' by Elizabeth Pantley.
Our son is 22 months and DH and I are both reading it - I'm not quite half way through and it has already changed how I react to 'misbehaviour', and it's really helping.

Good luck!

Kathy - posted on 12/07/2010

22

0

0

I am concerned by the parents who advocate spanking. We are bigger than our children physically, and more developed emotionally, and they know it. If we lash out physically, we are teaching them that it's ok to hurt someone smaller and weaker than you in order to get what you want. All the rationalization and bible-quoting in the world cannot change the fact that our children will model what they observe and receive from us.

Rose - posted on 12/06/2010

14

5

1

I have 4 boys 18, 12, 9, & 4. I have found that different things work on different kids. As a child (their were 5 of us) my mother gave us a choice of grounding or spanking. Me and the next two in age always picked the spanking. The two youngest wanted the grounding. My mother finally figured it out and reversed all our punishments. Grounding just about killed me. But, find what gets her, be consistant (easier said than done) use a time out and make her stay there for the entire time, etc. You have to find out what will bother her. My oldest son didn't care what I threw away of his toys. My youngest has a major fit if I even say i'm gonna throw something of his away. Good luck, it's probably just a phase, but one that's hard to live with.

Tami - posted on 12/05/2010

9

1

0

I have a older son and spanking (a simple swat on the leg) worked just fine for him! but my daughter is different... you know how you have always heard 'little girls are harder to raise than boys'? well, she is difinite proof of that for me in comparsion to my son. I have spanked her and realized it just dont work for her. as far as the tree goes, well most of our ornament have become plastic for now, but we still some keepsakes that are breakable and I try to keep them up high. while she understands to not take ornaments off the tree, well she is still a child and curious, she loves the whole Chirstmas season! I just dream about the day my children grow up and recall how much their mom loved Christmas and tried very hard to make it special for them... oh and ps... she does have a little tree in her room now that she loves!! Really just trying to figure out what works for her as far a discipline. i never want to over react in any situation (hince why i told her I had to take a time out)...afterall, we are the adult. i never want her to think she is wrong but instead to think of things before doing them and to be sure mommy would think it is ok. and she is doing much better since our 'incident' with the tree. really broke through to her about listening... i know with my son sometimes he would just have to be reminded of his boundries with me. i knew how to do that with him, worked everytime, but again she is different (much like I was at her age) SOOO, we continue through our journies- mine as a single mother just trying to make the very best out of this journey through life for my children!! and to keep GOD first in their lessons... MERRY CHRISTMAS TO all you wonderful Mom's!! thanks for sharing your thoughts and what works for you with us!! GOD BLESS :)

Tami - posted on 12/02/2010

9

1

0

thank you all so much for taking the time to reach out to me (us)... turns out the night i had spoken about, well she and I had a talk. i explained how she does hurt me by not minded and doing as she is told. somehow, I managed to get through to her this time. She has been much better this past week. yea, she is watching me and this particular day was pretty stressful all together for us all. Happy to report that she is minding better (at least she stops and pauses when i say to) ...guess i am going to just have to stay constistant in demanded she mind. thanks again!! Ya'll are good listeners! :-)

Shelley - posted on 12/02/2010

35

14

6

instead of saying no, say," stop", tell her it hurts your feelings when she doesnt listen to you, praise her for the good things she does, and thank her for her good behaviour, tell her when she does 5 nice things for you, you and her can have a special treat, read a book together, choose a game to play, or go on an outing, remember, you are the role model, she watches you, and copies your behaviour, be patient, and talk at a low level, and praise for good behavour,and doing something nice, for each other..good luck..

Phyllis - posted on 11/28/2010

8

20

1

Wow, I can relate. My daughter just turned 5. The past few months have been a constant struggle with "NO". We realize she is exerting her independence, and it is very frustrating because she is pushing my buttons. We, too, have used the time-outs, loss of toys for 24 hours+, and rewards for good behavior. We have found the rewards when good are more important as they reinforce the behavior we want to see. Remember to give yourself the timeout before you react to her and say or do something you'll feel bad about.

Tami - posted on 11/27/2010

9

1

0

GREAT advice! I will give it a try. She woke up in a much better mode this morning and seems to be listening alot better! happy holidays to you and yours!! :-)

Louise - posted on 11/27/2010

5,429

69

2296

At 5 I would do the naughty step rather than spanking or taking stuff away. If your stairs are in the hall away from tvs and other distractions then make that the area to disciplin her. Start the day by telling her that from now on if she does not listen to you or is rude or whatever she will spend 5 minutes on the step. Warn her when she is misbehaving and then place her on the step. She will probably just get off so place her back and make her do the whole 5 minutes. Then get down to her eye level and tell her what she did wrong and ask her to apologise. Keep the same disciplin going so that she knows what is going to happen. That 5 minutes gives you time to calm down and her time to reflect on what she has done. No child likes to be excluded by sitting away from every body and this technique works well. I have just started time out with my 2 year old and she has learnt quite quickly if I warn her and she does not stop it's off to the step!

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms