NEW VIEWS . . .

Annaliza - posted on 05/19/2009

Quoting Christina:

Hi Annaliza,
I agree with you that Our children are an extension of ourselves and are our future...if you do not raise that child (our children:) properly then what future will any of have! I have been blessed with 6 children, and they all have totally different personalities, and that is what makes the unique! how boring would it be if they exactly like me or my husband! my sons do favor the dad in theie mannerisms and my one daughter looks alot like me.
but each and every one of them are their onw person, and have made their onw choices, some good amd some questionable, do I love them less no, you just have to support them>

Hi Christina,

That's the nice hting with raising a child.  They are "moldable" to how you would like them to be by injecting the proper values, trainng them accordingly at an early stage in life.  It takes 10 years to LEARN, then next 10 years to UNLEARN, then 5 years to FIGURE OUT and BALANCE one's self.  And from there, you CREATE your own being.  Children will try to unlearn what they think is wrong in what was instill in them.  That's the adolescent stage when they think and believe they are ready in life.  Then when they realize  their mistakes, they figure out, rectify and try to balance.  By age 30, you should be YOURSELF with OWN PERSONALITY and IDENTITY, ready to fly to conquer the world.  And that's when the mother takes the back seat, watch and reap what she sow.

Our children will have their own unique personalities like our five finger, it grew in different lengths and sizes.  Parents give the same love, care, training, values, raised in the same house, ate same food, everything.  But still, they become who they decide to be.  You are correct, SUPPORT is the only thing we are expected to impart after raising them.  With high hopes that they decide to lead a good, balanced life during their years.

It's amazing to see my child at 4 months old with his father's mannerisms at sleep.  And as he's growing, I could see some of mine too.  Both "us" in our son!!!  It just popped up!!!  Our genes in our son!!!  And that's why I say, my EXTENSION.  Our EXTENSION!!!

Your kids are grown ups now.  Soon, you will see your grandchildren.  And soon, you will see your kids, raising their own.  And you will see that your ways has been passed on.

Cheers,

Liza

Annaliza - posted on 05/19/2009

Quoting Christina:

Hi Annaliza,
I agree with you that Our children are an extension of ourselves and are our future...if you do not raise that child (our children:) properly then what future will any of have! I have been blessed with 6 children, and they all have totally different personalities, and that is what makes the unique! how boring would it be if they exactly like me or my husband! my sons do favor the dad in theie mannerisms and my one daughter looks alot like me.
but each and every one of them are their onw person, and have made their onw choices, some good amd some questionable, do I love them less no, you just have to support them>

Hi Christina,

That's the nice thing about raising a child.  They are "moldable" so to speak.  You can inject to them the proper values, train them the way you like at an early age.  And from there, hopefully they form the right habits.  In life, it takes 10 year LEARN, the next 10 years to "UNLEARN", 5 years to FIGURE OUT AND BALANCE, and from there, YOU FORM YOUR OWN SELF, with your unique IDENTITY.  By age 30, you should be standing on your own.  The unlearning process is when the child realizes some things we instill in them are unagreeable.  Remember adolescent age, they start to think they have a mind of their own - until they move on learning and figuring out their mistakes.  And that's when they start to balance their life.

I believe that a mother raises and love her children the same way.  But having one special favourite could be possible.  But that doesn't mean that that special one takes it all.  Sometime for whatever reason, one will be closer to you or your husband's heart without any intention.  Also, like our five fingers, they grew in different lengths and sizes with no control.  Our five fingers have their own pace.  And that's how it goes with our children.  All unique like our five fingers. . .  Only a mother could love her child - warts and all.  You are correct, SUPPORT is the only thing we could give to them at the end of the day.

I have only one son.  And as early as 4 months old, I could see his father's sleeping manners and more as he's growing up.  And I could also see some of my manners in him.  The traits of us both just shows up in our child.  Amazing!!!  That's the reason, no doubt, why  I say my EXTENSION.  Some things you don't even teach to them but pops up in their being  Luckily, in our culture, first degree cousins are like brothers and sisters too, as they grow up, they are expected to love and support each other specially in times of needs.  My brothers' daughters and sons are my son's favourites.  Unfortunately, they only get to see each other for short period holidays as we are based in Shanghai.  I make it a point to keep them posted by phone as often as possible.  I love it when they are together.  My son being the youngest amongst the 6, the older ones instantly becomes resposible beings, even to their parents'surprise!!!  Reminds me of our own parents and how the 4 of us siblings were raised.

Cheers,

Liza

Christina - posted on 05/19/2009

Hi Annaliza,

I agree with you that Our children are an extension of ourselves and are our future...if you do not raise that child (our children:) properly then what future will any of have! I have been blessed with 6 children, and they all have totally different personalities, and that is what makes the unique! how boring would it be if they exactly like me or my husband! my sons do favor the dad in theie mannerisms and my one daughter looks alot like me.

but each and every one of them are their onw person, and have made their onw choices, some good amd some questionable, do I love them less no, you just have to support them>

Annaliza - posted on 05/17/2009

Quoting Rebecca:

Dear lovely loving mother. How happy you must have been to get this child! I also had a child in my mid thirty after being told I could not bear children-- she is a miracle child. Found a couple disturbing things in your note tho--. It would be good for you to both to celebrate you son for who he is, and not what he is to you-- your extension, your future, etc. I recommend reading books on the needs of a child in the stages of child development to get yourself grounded in what his needs are in each phase.. Keep lovin" You and he can go far if you are not enmeshed in each other and have healthy boundaries between you.. I came from a loving but enmeshed family and have the scars.to this day-- the lack of the sense of who I really am, among others, and anger.

Hi Rebecca,

Thanks for your advice.  Sorry to hear about your "scarred" childhood/upbringing.  Sure your parents don't have any bad intentions for you, but perhaps that was the generation then.  They have all the love, for sure.

Nice to hear about your miracle child.  Lucky you.  I consider my son as one as well.  For a starter, he's unexpected.  He came when I've accepted that I'll not be blessed with one.  I had all sorts of problems during pregnancy, including an emergency operation when I was 3 months pregnant, giving him 10% chance to live.  And some more threats until he was delivered.  He made it!!!

My son's my EXTENSION - as he's got my genes in him.  My son's my FUTURE - as he will continue my CLAN from my bloodline.  My son has his own identity from day one.  I could see that and I encourage him to be.  I'm very pleased and happy that my son's got a mind of his own, who at age 4 can reason out so in the end we get to compromise.  Or at times, I explain to him then tells him "you decide."  My son knows what he wants and will try to fight for it until he realizes when there's something wrong.  I'm pleased that my son is molding his own personality and identity with my guidance, of course.

Annaliza - posted on 05/17/2009

Quoting Rebecca:

Dear lovely loving mother. How happy you must have been to get this child! I also had a child in my mid thirty after being told I could not bear children-- she is a miracle child. Found a couple disturbing things in your note tho--. It would be good for you to both to celebrate you son for who he is, and not what he is to you-- your extension, your future, etc. I recommend reading books on the needs of a child in the stages of child development to get yourself grounded in what his needs are in each phase.. Keep lovin" You and he can go far if you are not enmeshed in each other and have healthy boundaries between you.. I came from a loving but enmeshed family and have the scars.to this day-- the lack of the sense of who I really am, among others, and anger.

Hi Rebecca,

Thanks for your advice.  Sorry to hear about your "scarred" childhood/upbringing.  Sure your parents don't have any bad intentions for you, but perhaps that was the generation then.  They have all the love, for sure.

Nice to hear about your miracle child.  Lucky you.  I consider my son as one as well.  For a starter, he's unexpected.  He came when I've accepted that I'll not be blessed with one.  I had all sorts of problems during pregnancy, including an emergency operation when I was 3 months pregnant, giving him 10% chance to live.  And some more threats until he was delivered.  He made it!!!

My son's my EXTENSION - as he's got my genes in him.  My son's my FUTURE - as he will continue my CLAN from my bloodline.  My son has his own identity from day one.  I could see that and I encourage him to be.  I'm very pleased and happy that my son's got a mind of his own, who at age 4 can reason out so in the end we get to compromise.  Or at times, I explain to him then tells him "you decide."  My son knows what he wants and will try to fight for it until he realizes when there's something wrong.  I'm pleased that my son is molding his own personality and identity with my guidance, of course.

Rebecca - posted on 05/16/2009

Dear lovely loving mother. How happy you must have been to get this child! I also had a child in my mid thirty after being told I could not bear children-- she is a miracle child. Found a couple disturbing things in your note tho--. It would be good for you to both to celebrate you son for who he is, and not what he is to you-- your extension, your future, etc. I recommend reading books on the needs of a child in the stages of child development to get yourself grounded in what his needs are in each phase.. Keep lovin" You and he can go far if you are not enmeshed in each other and have healthy boundaries between you.. I came from a loving but enmeshed family and have the scars.to this day-- the lack of the sense of who I really am, among others, and anger.