Overwhelmed - No mom to talk to

Anne Marie - posted on 09/25/2012

Yes it is normal, my mom passed away 18 years ago when I was pregnant with my second child. I to this day feel she missed out on seeing her, and my third child. She also missed out on watching all three of my kids grow up. But I do believe she is here in spirit and has been there for me when needed. I visit her grave side which does help me through some times. It is so good to see the posts here of other women who felt the same. I am lucky to have my sisters to talk to and many really great friends. I suggest you use the supports you do have to help you through. Some day your experiences will likely be a support for someone else. Best of luck to you, and God bless you.

Nancy - posted on 09/20/2012

Hello I am a mother of 3 adopted children. It is hard work. the ages are 11, 13, and soon to be 15 years. I have had them for 7 years and it is getting harder. My mother has chosen not to talk to me because I have chosen to adopt these children with my husband. It hurts me that my mom will have nothing to do with me, because of my decision. She will not even except these children as her grandchildren. My husband and I are doing this with no support from our families, and it is hard. No time for us to spend together. We need some help/or support.

Joyce - posted on 04/02/2010

Hi Sue, I have no mom either. I know exactly how you feel! I'm 47 yrs old and have a 5 year old and sometimes am envious of others who have a mom to seek advice from, etc. I have none of that, no relatives, nothing. I have learned as I go or ask other moms on how they handle certain situations and usually get different answers! ;)

Kathy - posted on 04/02/2010

Absolutely normal. Our moms are our best resources. They have been there and done that and help us by supporting us and guiding us in everything that we do so when they are gone, we have any empty spot that can never be filled by anyone else. I still wish my mom was around to help guide me in the right direction. {{{HUGS}}} to you!

Susan - posted on 04/02/2010

It is so very normal to miss your mom a lot and wish you could talk to her. I go through this pain almost every day, especially now that I am a mother myself. I have a 15 yrold and a 10 yrold. I wanted to share this link http://www.motherlessdaughtersbiz.com/
and also http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/Mot...
Hope this is of some help.

Diane - posted on 04/02/2010

I was 7 monhs pregnant when my Mom passed. I just didn't think I could go through my pregnancy and birth without having her around to talk to and field my questions. Well, had my son and had a daughter after him. I am constantly still missing my mom, talking with her while I do laundry. Crying for her to give me some answers. I have found that most of my answers are in me because she loved me so much and taught me so well. Still doesn't make not having her around any worse! What makes me so sad is that she didn't get my two younger ones...she would have gotten such a kick out of them! Remember we are all here for you, if you need us!

Janice - posted on 04/01/2010

Thanks a lot everyone for making me cry! Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of my Mom's death. I can't believe it has been a year already. The pain is still there as if she just died. I keep wondering when I will wake up from this awful nightmare. There are times when I still expect to see her. Or when I'm shopping and see something she'd like, I catch myself saying I should buy that for Mom. We have two kids, 6 and 8, that loved her so much. My youngest said the other morning that Nana came to her in a dream but she couldn't hear what she said. We were very fortunate to have lived with her during the last two years of her life. We will cherish those memories forever. No matter how long you have your Mom, it is never long enough.

Rita - posted on 04/01/2010

Hi. Im 51, my mom passed away 8 years ago. I lost my dad first in May, then my mom in Dec of the same year. My little guy was 4 at the time. My daughter was 20.I was very fortunate to have mom so close to me while my daughter was young. My little guy remembers her. He saw her everyday. He still has the sweater she wore when he last saw her and still takes it out to cuddle it once in a while when hes missing her. I miss her terribly. I never married until 7 years ago, and that is something that i so wish she was here for. She would absolutely have loved my husband. I am fortunate though to have my mother in law and father in law. Not that they can replace my parents, but they sure are wonderful. They dont see me as a daughter in law, more like the daughter they never had. THey had only one son, thats my husband. He had girls from his previous marriage, but no sons. SO he adopted my son and now they have a grandson. My son , when he was 5 and met his new grandparents, said to them, My grandma and grandpa had to go to heaven to be with God, and God knew I was sad, so he gave me you both so i wouldnt be so sad. Well that was it, he won them over. I have been sick, became disabled and i have to say they have stood by me through all my surgeries and anything else. THey are fully supportive and very loving. And yes, i miss my mom and my dad.. but i feel blessed that my "new" parents are in my life now.

Nan - posted on 03/31/2010

Don't take your Mom's forgranted just because they live close by. Things happen, car accidents, heart attacks all kinds of disasters, so don't waste a minute, tell them you love them, tell them what they mean to you, after all, YOU could die tommorrow!

Lisa - posted on 03/29/2010

This question really touched my heart. My mom and I were really close and when she passed away in December of 2005, I felt the ground underneath me cave in. My son was 7 then - he's 12 now, and I am a single mom. She was so much there for me with advice, as my son is very similar to me, and I used to ask her what she did with me when my son pulled some hijinks!! Now she's not there and I still feel a huge hole in my life. It gets better as time goes on, but I still miss her very much! I'm feel so much comfort that there are other moms over 40 missing their moms as I do. Sue, I think it does help to know you're not alone and it's very normal!!

Lynne - posted on 03/29/2010

melissa i would be more than happy to help you i had 2 girls, menopause, no mom.
i am an RN so that helps just e-mail me with where you are with your daughter and
i'll be glad to be a shoulder my name is lynne.

Michelle - posted on 03/29/2010

Sue you are not alone. There are lots of us out here in the same situation. My mom has been gone since Oct 1997 and I still miss her. My brother and I were exactly 20 months apart just like my kids. When I watch them together there are so many times I want to ask her if Mitchell and I were like this. I can't wait for the day that I see her again in Heaven and for her to finally meet my wonderful husband and her grand kids. I do ask my Dad some of the questions, but he just doesn't have the answers like I know she would.

If you listen closely you can probably hear your Mom's voice in your head telling you the answer to your question.

Melissa - posted on 03/28/2010

My mom died in 2004 and now that my daughter is entering her teens (and me headed for menopause) I really need to talk to her. Fortunately, I have an older sister that I can ask some questions to, but she had boys...we are both a little lost with this girl thing!! Sounds from the posts I have read, this is quite normal for us both!

Lynne - posted on 03/28/2010

i am 54 i have three children, 26, 24, 22. my dad died 19 years ago at the age of 63 from a
stroke and my mom died 6 years later of ovarian cancer and my mother in law 6 months later
of a stroke i felt and still feel like an orphan. i miss both mothers very much and wish they
were both here to give me advice or just to share tears of joy or sadness. my son and his
wife are making me a grandma for the first time in october i only fear i won't be allowed to
be as close as my kids were to their grandparents. i think thats called putting the cart before
the horse and i should let the Lord have complete control but i do feel you are completely
normal in your feelings. e-mail me anytime it's lsulli1101@hotmail.com

Glenda - posted on 03/28/2010

It is very normal my mom died in1996, my first son was 1 and, I had another son in 02
that she obviously never knew. I feel sadness, that my sons dont have their grandmother. I miss her gentle way of making me feel like her little girl, even when I was grown. I will help you any way I can, Im going to add you into my circle, and feel free to ask any questions, and if I can help I will, good luck, glenda

Susie - posted on 03/28/2010

By the way its the LDS Relief Society.

Susie - posted on 03/28/2010

Oh Honey I can relate. My Mom is crazy, and my exstep mom is crazier. My husband died 8 yrs ago. I would not have made it this far except for the womens group at my church. We all really help each other with the good bad and ugly; with no nasty talk, just guidance and compassion.

Sakuya - posted on 03/27/2010

no need to worry ima widow i raised seven children on my own if you need tips ask me my mothe ris 103 too ol dto give advice

Teresa - posted on 03/27/2010

yes it is normal. my mom live's in another state and i cain't alway's talk to her. but the one i miss most is my aunt patsy. she was my dad's sister and a mother to me. she taught me everything that i know. i'm a mother,grandmother of 2 with one due in september. i'm also a foster mom of sort's because there's alway's someone elese's child adopting me as their mom. would you like to join my circle? teresa butler

Deb - posted on 03/27/2010

I still want to call my mom to chat or bs about the kids - it's been almost 10 years since she passed. I'm 42 and my kids are still little, 10 and 6, so it's hard not having her advice.

Leigh-ann - posted on 03/27/2010

Hi judith I so want grandbabies in the worse way!my baby is almost 14 and it seems like i was just preggars yesterday.My 2 older boys are 24 and22.I have 3 sisters(NO brothers) and only one sister has only one kid a daughter whom now has given her 2 dariling granddaughters and im so jelous in a good way.My 14 yr olds dad died when he was a baby and hes grown-up without a father figure and he used to express wanting me to marry to have a dad.he didnt care who really just wanted a dad.Now i think i feel that way about grandbabies I just want some,dont care how just give me some!!

Margaret - posted on 03/27/2010

It's absolutely normal. Your mother was your primary instructor for every other important aspect of your life, wasn't she? So it just naturally follows that you would want her input on the most important job of your life. She is there for you, you know--just consider what she would do in different situations and follow her lead. I'm sure she's watching out for you. And you're not alone--just look at how many there are of us! You can ask the rest of us anytime! :)

Lonnie - posted on 03/26/2010

I wish my mom was more grandmotherly. But, I have no friends or mom to talk to. If you ever want to talk you can find me on facebook at Lonnie Ryan (looking over my shoulder...older picture). I have two teeneage boys -- 13 yrs and 18 yrs.
I hope to hear from you soon :)
Lonnie

Kathy - posted on 03/26/2010

Thankfully, my mom is sitting a few feet away from me as I type this. I can't imagine not having her around. Maybe we need a surrogate Grandma Circle on here!

Nan - posted on 03/26/2010

I am 68 years old, my Mom died a year ago at age 90, Sometimes I miss her terribly when my girls test my patience. It's normal, but you are so young, seek out some one in your church or community, who has motherly ways, many of us would be glad to help.

Donna - posted on 03/26/2010

Hi Sue. This is Donna. I am over 40 and raising children who are 20, 17 (2), 15, and 10. His mine and ours. My mom also passed away. I only had two children at that time and they were only 5 and 3 when she passed away. I too miss her dearly and the talks we use to have. The guidance about my children and of course my relationships. I do have an aunt, but it is not the same. This is normal and you will continue to feel this way. I have been feeling this way since 1994. This is when she passed away. Keep your head up. You will make it.

Della - posted on 03/26/2010

I really know what you mean. I am 43. My mom died in 99 and then the kids came along in 04 and 05. I wish my kids could have known their Maw. My wonderful mother-in-law, passed away in 04 and both would have been wonderful additions to my kids' lives. My sister in law who is my sitter is 10 years older and has sort of taken on the role of mamaw. She also helps me alot with advice and sharing the milestones.

Leigh-ann - posted on 03/26/2010

So normal to want your mom now more than ever,now that your a mom.I miss my mom so much she left this world much to early.Ide like her to see how well my sons are doing and how ive devoted my life to them entirely.13yr olds dad died shortly after he was born suddenly and tragicly.I DONOT call myself a single parentI am an only parent by my choosing.I dont have friends or date and confide in family for support etc...There alot of situtaions that make me feel close to her Sometimes i'll feel her in me its like a dejavu,like im reliving things that i remember when my mom was with us in a certian situtaion or anothermaybe you can quite your sririt and youll feel her in you.you reliving a timeyou and her were togtherI miss my mom all the time knowing how proud and happy she is seeing how well the boys(and young men)are doing.

Karen - posted on 03/26/2010

HI Sue... I too am raising kids without the advice/guidance and love of my mom....she passed away when I was 8 weeks pregnant with my oldest daughter 6 years ago. I have two girls....and every day I seem to notice things about them that are sooo much like my mom. I miss her more everyday...Its normal. I am lucky because I have an amazing mother in law....but, it will never take her place...

Kathy - posted on 03/26/2010

I also am a mom over 40 and lost my mother right after my first child and was a single parent. I also had to find someone with answers. I have 2 wounderfull children boy 25 an girl 21 and now a first time grandma, And there is not a day that goes by that i dont think of her and wish she could have meet her grand children and great grandbaby. I would have to say by not thinking of our loved ones who have passed away , isnt normal.. It is ok to share and pass down are memories of are loved one's. And we are here on Circle of Moms

Judith - posted on 03/26/2010

The sad thing about raising kids when we are older is that we have to deal with the dealth of our parents. My little ones cry and get upset with us about not have grandparents or inactive ones. My older kids had some contact with them, put the little ones do not. I also grew up without grandparents, or saw very little of them.
I have decided to change history and make sure that I will be there as a grandma. My older kids 27 & 26 are not married so I may have a long wait, or going to be to old to move by the time they have kids :)

Wendy - posted on 03/25/2010

bet you had tons of answers to this. and lots that would help.

Donna - posted on 03/25/2010

yes i'm 51 and i have 5 kids 2 which are 15 and 12 and i always wish my mom was here to help me out she died in 1992 and my father 5 yrs ago i'm always thinking of them often i was very close to my mom and my 2 younger girls have no grand parents alive on either side so we have a lot of adopted grand parents.I remember what she taught me and pass that along to my girls. God is always with you too..:)

Teresa - posted on 03/25/2010

Well, my mom is still living but she's not exactly "present" to ask questions to. Basically, it's more of a hassle to ask her anything! ha So I feel some of your pain, being alone raising kids and my sisters are older with older kid, husband working a lot....

Lynne - posted on 03/25/2010

i would love to help ,i am mum of six four grown up daughters and two sons my youngest 11yrs ,my mum wasnt very helpful when i was bring up my children ,but i am sure your mum would be proud of you

Lynette - posted on 03/24/2010

Yes I can totally relate. I lost my mom when I was 27. I am now 44. My 2 older kids were 4 and 6 at the time and I was raising them as a single Mom. It sure is tough and even though she has been gone a long time now, I still wish that I had the time to talk with her and get her insight for life decisions and just general support in raising kids and such. I now have another one who is 5 and 2 grandbabies as well.

Donna - posted on 03/24/2010

Yes it is.I was raising my grandchildren once and there where times when I wished my mom was there to ask a question to.I still miss her today just to ask about a recipe of hers or just to talk with.

Cheryl - posted on 03/23/2010

I am lucky to have a great support system of women friends who are always there for me when I need them, and I have my mother in law who is wonderful and who I think the world of. But it still isn't the same as having your own mom to talk to. I have talked with other women who have lost their moms and some of these women were in their 60's and 70's and had lost their moms years ago and they all said they still miss their mothers.. I think it is just something about the mother/daughter connection. Hopefully, with time, it won't hurt so much and the good memories will be there to sustain us.

Judy - posted on 03/23/2010

l know that this is normal. She is still with you, just listen. I really miss my mom but i'm glad that I have an older sister to talk too. Hang in there.

Sue - posted on 03/23/2010

No, I am no support system and my mother pased away before ever becoming a grandma. I am no siblings. I am pretty much on mu on. I have a few cousins but they a far away and they are busy with there own lives and barely talk to them. Even though I try to reach out.

Angela - posted on 03/23/2010

Sue, I am a single mother of 4 boys. Their ages are 27, 24, 21 and a 3 year old. I feel like I am all alone with this situation. My Grandmother raised me and she died in November 2009 at the good age of 98. For my Mom, she just moved back here a couple of years ago. We do not have that kind of relatinship. I give her respect and all but my Grandmother is the woman that I called Mama and I miss her so much. She knew what to do to help me in situation. I am not able to go to my real Mama like that. So, I feel alone. I don't have that motherly touch that my Grandmother gave me. I do not have anyone that I can go to an vent or rest my heard on their shoulder. So, I knwo how you feel. If at anytime you want to talk, send me an email. Like my Grandmother told me:....two heards are sometimes better than one.

Anita - posted on 03/23/2010

Good Morning Sue. You are normal and it's only natural to miss her and wanting her around. Well I wasn't 40 at the time but in a big wayI can relate....having lost my Mommy back in '87 at the age of 29 when our Son was 8 and our Daughter was barely over 3. Being a Single Mom for the first 3 1/2 yrs of my Son's years his Gran Gran being around was a big part of his every day. He remembers her...however our Daughter doesn't remember her very much because the last 2 yrs of my Mommy's days here on this earth she couldn't even remember who her one and only daughter was....Me. Alzheimer's hit us all when she was diagnosed back in '86...see I can't even remember exactly.We tried to care for her in our own home but when she scared our kids ( not her fault ) it was better for us and our kids to place her in a home where she could be watched 24/7. It tore my Heart apart because I wanted to take care of her as she wonderfully took care of me...she too was a Single Mom for 23 of my 29 yrs at the time. I can tell you all this....wish she had been around to watch her grandkids grow up...see them graduate from High School. I know she has been watching from above very Proud of them. Even as I write this...I can feel her around me....hugging me and telling me...."You Done Good Honey"....the tears are starting. Still to this day I find myself talking to my Mommy and asking for her advice...she was amazing and I will always Love her until we meet again. I Love You Mommy : )

You will do fine...thinking positve. Hope to read more about what's happening and trying to keep up to date.

Smiles, Anita : )

Fiona - posted on 03/23/2010

Hi Sue ,i am 49 and have 3 children Daniel 29 Sarah 23 and Rebekah 8 , my wonderful Mum died a month before Rebekahs 1st birthday , having been blessed with her help and wisdom with my first two , i felt lost and alone luckly i have a very supportive husband and close family and in time life got easier ,i still miss my Mum and still have weepy days , I dont imagine its something you get over , you just learn to live alongside it ,, x

Nancy - posted on 03/22/2010

I hope we will be able to help talk with this website . I Just turned 51 and I have 7 children and 7 grandchildren. My mom is 76 and lives 15 mins from me I cannot imagine my life wout her . If youneed to talk I will be here.

Cheryl - posted on 03/17/2010

I am so glad to know that I am not the only one who misses her mom! My mom passed away the day before Thanksgiving in 2007 and I still miss her ever single day. My children are older now - 15, 20 and 23 but I still wish my mom were here to talk with and ask advice from. My dad had passed away in 2005 and even though I am a 49 year old adult it still seems wierd to not have any parents. I was feeling that the grieving process should be over now and I should not still feel so sad about missing my mom as it has been over two years so it is nice to know that I am not alone.

Alane - posted on 03/16/2010

i was there once but now i am a mom whos youngest is 22 years. want to talk sent me a note or see me if i am online

MARY ANNE - posted on 03/16/2010

I lost my mother at age 4, and I totally have felt what you're feeling. Have you ever read Motherless Daughter's by Hope Edelman? It's a great book and very validating of what you're feeling. Take care and know that you're not alone in your feelings.

Tammy - posted on 03/15/2010

YES VERY !!!!! you are very brave !! I my self am a grandma . My mom lives with me at the same time I understand. I left my husband and was on my own, left my family in another state. I was very lonely , had a phone but it was never enough . W hat you need is a really good friend sweetheart. Believe it or not I found a few great friends where I moved to and things worked out .Please write back I would love to help you through this. I dont go on here very often but I will look for your response . I look forward to being a new friend that will be able to help you through your tough time.

Deborah - posted on 03/14/2010

Hi Ladys...I know just how you all feel. I lost my mother at a very young age (12 yrs old) I am now 53. Even today I wish I had my mother there when I had my two children. I've lived most of my life without her and each day it still hurts in someway, even though I have accepted her death. I wish every day that I could pick up that phone and talk to her or see her again. Yes I had a very special lady later in life to fill part of the void, yet it is not the same as your own Mom. So to the ladys that do still have your Mothers.....remember she is human just like you/us. You may get frustrated at times with her and her opinions but remember you are a Mother just as she is. Be grateful she is still with you and a phone call away to hear her voice and say I Love You Mom.

Jane - posted on 03/14/2010

hi it's mothers day & 12 yrs on i still miss my mum who died when i was 6 months pregnant so for the last 12 years i have celabreted my schild giving me a card & pressie while wuishing mum was here for me to shop for it gets better but i don't think the pain will ever go the older my somn gets the more i wish id asked her about my self as a child