People Think I'm Grandma

Kristi - posted on 04/26/2010 ( 54 moms have responded )

2

0

0

My name is Kristi. I will be 45 in June and also married 25 years in June (yes, we chose to wait awhile before starting a family). We have a 9 year girl Kaitlin, a 6 year old girl Kacey and our last and newest is 9 month old Braden. It surprises me and is a little upsetting at how many people have mistaken me as Braden's grandma. I know I'm old enough and have been married long enough to be his grandma but I have the scar to show he came out of me.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Diana - posted on 04/29/2010

1

31

0

I know how ya'll feel.....I had my first child at 18, my second at 23 and my third at 42....yes that means there is 19 years between the 2nd and third......I get asked all the time if he is my grandson. What really confuses people is when I do have my grandkids and my son with me....cause 2 of them call me grandma and one calls me mommy, people really have funny looks on their faces when they hear that. I have a 10 yo grandson and a almost 5yo granddaughter and my son is 7. Just consider the source when people make remarks.

Kathleen - posted on 02/20/2012

2

8

0

Hi my name is Kathleen I too am an older Mom( I'm 48 and my son is 6),I was told my whole adult life I wouldn't be able to have kids so you can imaging when at 42 I was feeling tired real different went to my Dr.ran test nothing so then she said well there is a few more I want to run and then called me the next day at work and said are you sittn down and I said OMGosh that bad,she laughed and said well hows pregnant I just about fell out of my chair.

Any who after 36 hrs of labor and not able to dilate passed a 7

I had a 9lb 6oz baby boy and I wouldnt trade him for anything!!

I too get the your grandson is so cute or is he your grandson.and I all ways smile real big and say well I guess I can see where you might think that cause unlike Moms in there 20s and 30s Moms in there 40s are of a very very

elite group of women but that ty for noticing. I don't say it mean or anything I say it very nice and smile the whole time and I know it gets my point across because I have had ppl come up to me after I walk away and say excuse me but I just over heard yr conversation and I you go girl ppl are to quick to judge and I think it does make them think about it later. I maybe lil older than most but as I tell my son Mom may not look like some of the other Moms but this Mom bakes,cooks(alot of women today don't or can't even boil water)and I may not do it as fast but I can do anything they can do because you keep me young!!!

Angel - posted on 05/10/2010

265

66

7

Hi Kristi:
I'm an over-40 mom too (had mine at 41 and 44). I was so affected by the "grandma" label and feeling out of place with other younger moms that I started a support website and blog at http://www.flowerpowermom.com. Please feel welcome to visit. It's hurtful when you receive that label. Wait until you get to grade school and you're the oldest mom!

Denise - posted on 05/02/2010

5

5

0

I had the same situation just happen with us. I met my husband and we got married at 40. Adopted our first son at 44, and this year at 47 we adopted our 2nd son. I had many of my high school friends ask if it was my grandbaby and a couple of people on the elevator at the hospital ask us the same. At first I was a little upset, but now we just laugh and tell people how we got started late in life. We are so lucky to have met a great birth mother who has given us 2 wonderful boys. Now we just have to stay in great shape to take care of them. They do keep us young!

Lynne - posted on 05/02/2010

1

27

0

Kristi, I'm turning 50 next month and have 3 children (20, 18 and 9). I didn't run into the grandma questions too much, but I did get asked, frequently, if my youngest was an "oopsie baby" or a second marriage. She was neither. It took my husband 9 years to get on board with having a third child, but my patience won out! People that say foolish things to you are basically ignorant and ill mannered. For the most part, I don't believe they mean to be hurtful (though some do!), they just never learned good manners. Cherish your children, be a great mom, and be thankful you will teach your children to be more considerate than the ignoramuses that hurt your feelings! P.S. My little sister is a grandma (3x over), and I don't even have my oldest one through college! I wouldn't change a thing :-)

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

54 Comments

View replies by

David - posted on 01/21/2013

1

0

0

Jenny, please try not to get so upset by it. After all, strictly speaking we are old enough to be our children's grandparents, and we live in a world where a lot of teenagers have babies so it's an understandable mistake for people to make. Your son is old enough now to pick up on how you respond to what people say, and if he sees it upsets you it will come to upset him too and he will think that having an older mum is something to be ashamed of. At least when your kids are around try to laugh it off and remind them of all the benefits of having an older mum, like you being more patient than you would have been when younger (at least in my case), and having more time and experience to share with them. Children can be really mean to anyone who is seen as being different, so you need to help yours to develop the resilience to deal with that and some answers to give to the other children. All the best.

Angela - posted on 02/21/2012

44

20

3

Well, since I last posted I've finally been asked if I'm my 3-year-old's grandma, but only once, and the poor lady was mortified when I said I was her mother. She was far more upset by it than I was - I was just amused!

GAIL DILLION - posted on 02/20/2012

1

58

0

I was just asked if I'm my two boys' grandmother--ugh! They are 5 and 10 years old...I had my first at age 37 and the second at 41. I've always thought I looked younger than my age but apparently those days are over! Why does it bother me so much? I certainly COULD be someone's grandma at my age--some of my friends ARE grandmothers now. Anyway, I anticipate this happening more in the future so need to thicken my skin and deal with it.

Manal - posted on 05/11/2010

2

2

0

your life is your own,dont make others affekt you,no one has any thing to do for you.take care of your kids and enjoy your relations.

Carrie - posted on 05/11/2010

1

0

0

I just turned 49 and have a 3-year-old! He was defnately a surprise for us the year my oldest was graduating from High School!! He is such a joy and has inspired me to get healthy and start taking better care of myself so I can keep up with him!! I think I am in the best shape of my life (which isn't really saying much!!), but I definately have more energy and am ready to take on parenthood -round two!! I do sometimes worry about people calling me Grandma, but it hasn't happened yet! But my 18-year-old daughter does get called his mom when she is with him!! Oh well, keeps life interesting!! I'm with you - I am definately old enough to be his grandma, but I have the scar to show he's mine!!
Enjoy!!!

Robbin - posted on 05/11/2010

6

11

0

I had my first and only son at 40. Thankfully, I look pretty young for my age until you get up close! I am waiting for that inevitable day when I am mistook for his grandmother with dread! I wish I had him younger, but it took me a long time to get established and financially secure (failed first marriage during grad school). But, I guess if I hadn't waited, I wouldn't have had THIS son, and he's just too much of a trip to have missed!

Deanna - posted on 05/10/2010

10

13

2

yip so typical Im 43 an all my mates are like , whos a proud nanny statement when me an my son are at the shops, an sometimes ill even agree , cause if I say hes my son, I also get the look of, oh yeah sure...as if im lyin ....lol. you cant win. Ive got 25 yr twin girls an a 22 year old son an a 15year old and now my handsome almost 2yr old life is fantastic...

Tammy - posted on 05/10/2010

3

9

0

I know how you feel except in my case it wasnt because I wanted so late. First of all I didnt fine mr right until I was in my late 30's. Then I didnt think I could have kids, then I miscarried and finally we were blessed with a beautiful little girl three years ago. And it used to bother me when people who says that she was my grandchild but now I am okay with. I know that I will probably be one of the oldest moms when she starts school. But I just feel blessed to be a mom at all. If I would have had a choice I would have liked to have had her when I was in my late 20's to early 30's but that wasnt god plan. And it was the best yesterday when my daughter said Happy Mothers Day. By the way I am 43 yrs old.

Angela - posted on 05/09/2010

44

20

3

I keep expecting such comments, I was 41 when I had my daughter, who's now just turned 2. Thankfully I've always looked much younger than my years, as did my Mum, but she was always being mistaken for my grandma as she was 40 when I was born. I don't remember it bothering me much, though.

Adrianne - posted on 05/08/2010

19

10

3

can totally sympathise, I have a 24y/o son and a 4y/o daughter. we get some strange looks wen out together. I've gone from being called sister to my son to granma with my daughter. I've just turned 42 and no way feel old enough to be gran to anyone, I just go my way and think if people are bothered by it thats there problem not mine, I have my kids and wouldnt change a thing ^_^

Jeri - posted on 05/08/2010

17

17

0

I'm not sure why they'd be calling you grandma...a lot of people are waiting to have kids until they're older...it should be fairly "common" these days...try not to let it bother you! I've been married for 21 years and I had my kids when I was 36 and 38, Now I'm 46 and my kids are 9 and 11...I actually know a lot of women who are my age with young kids. Maybe you're just hanging around the wrong people! Hang in there!

Maria - posted on 05/08/2010

2

10

0

Don't let it bother you. Be proud!!!! IT takes a lot of patience to raise little especially in your 40"s.My mom was 41 when she had,fully gray by 50. They use to think the same about her,but i never cared. Its their stupidity. Its a great thing,i wish i could do it but my patience are too thin at 42 now.

Lori - posted on 05/07/2010

60

38

6

Come up with a cute comeback.....can't think of one right this second, but I'm sure someone has one out there.

Murielle - posted on 05/07/2010

19

9

0

I am 41, my hubby 43 and little one 15 weeks. I would not want to have it any other way. But I have to say I am glad that most people estimate me a few years younger than I am and I am quite sporty and don't really dress like a middle aged lady but mostly wear jeans. Many women wait longer to have their children today and I believe the average age is somewhere late 30's anyway. I certainly would feel hurt and probably respond rather snappy. people are not always considerate and polite but that reflects on them.

Melanie - posted on 05/05/2010

7

19

0

I understand. I am now almost 51 years old with my 8 yr old daughter. My husband is 58. We have been married 25 yrs. However our age situation was not by choice. We waited and prayed for 16 years for a child. Never prevented it, but never sought medical intervention. Just prayed and waited. When I was 41 I discovered I was pregnant with our daughter and had her when I was 42. I guess because of all that, when people mistake me for her grandma, I just smile and proudly say I am her mother and she is my miracle.

Jeanne - posted on 05/04/2010

4

17

0

If it bothers you - try to do something about it. Ever watch the show called "Ten Years Younger?" There are many ways to alter your appearance to make yourself look younger.

If you do not want to do something along those lines - try humor. These are my children, and yes, God really does have a sense of humor!

Stay brave and strong!

Trisha - posted on 05/03/2010

2

6

0

I just had that happen to me today! I'm 40 and I have a 5 yr old and a 4 yr old and this nice old lady says "Their adorable! I bet they behave perfectly for grandma, dont they!" I just have to laugh - not always easy. I just remind myself that I'm glad my husband and I waited - I SO would not have had the patience for this experience when I was in my 20's or even my early 30's!

Julia - posted on 05/03/2010

10

9

0

Have fun with it! My oldest is 23 and my youngest is 3. My Granddaughter is 2 and me and my daughter have a lot of fun confusing and embarrasing people. Not on purpose mind you, but the looks on their faces is a riot when he calls me mommy instead of grandma. And guess what? Youv'e done a lot more living and have more sense than alot of those young mom's out there who feel thier missing out on the parties. I enjoy my send and fully intend to spend as much of my second child hood with him as I can.

Chris - posted on 05/03/2010

96

13

8

I also know the feeling. I had my older kids at 21, 23, & 25, they were 12,14,& 16 when my youngest was born I was 37 & they were accused of being the mother (my 14 & 16 year olds). When they corrected people they didn't believe them and I was always called grandma when she was little by strangers. Their friends knew & left their friends know too just incase they would say someting because it upset me. Just hang in there, it will get easier and just come out & tell them, I'm mom, not grandma. You wouldn't believe how many people will be embarassed by it

Lynn - posted on 05/03/2010

8

31

0

my husband has a similar problem when he goes out with our daughter, she is 12 and he is 51. He is often mistaken for her grandad, she finds it very funny, but he is not always too happy.

Lynn - posted on 05/03/2010

2

8

0

Dear Kristi
I was a 1st time mum at 42 and now my little daughter Ella is just about 13mths. It took a long time have our wee girl. In one day within 5mins, my darling little girl who was dressed in a little orange top and pants was called a boy and then the lady said to us and you are the grandparents. Let's just say my self esteem plummeted and I politely corrected her. Neither of us feel old, well most days anyway. Ha Ha. But I do think that if someone doesn't know, they should not say anything as a huge amount of women are having children later in life. Regardless of how old we are, we love our little girl to bits and I wouldn't change anything in the world. P.S. You don't look that old either. Lynn

Fiona - posted on 05/03/2010

10

3

2

I am going to be 50 in September my youngest is 8 yrs old i did get the occasional person mistaking me for grandma and i have to admit it hurt a bit , but i think people are obsessed with age and these that pass the hurtful comment are just thoughtless and possibly lacking in manners ,the very same people that would ask" are these your own teeth"or some sort personal question , I wouldnt change a thing Kristi, Rebekah is my joy and noone should be allowed to spoil that wonderful feeling , you have been blessed with a wonderful family , they have been cursed with a sharp tongue .Enjoy your family xx

Jill - posted on 05/02/2010

2

8

0

I haven't gotten the grandma question yet - but know that it is only a matter of time. I have a daughter that is 24, a son that is 17 and the newest addition - another daughter - is only 2 weeks old. I'm sure at some point people will be asking if my youngest belongs to one of my other 2 children. I will keep my hair dye stocked in the cabinet and put off the first grandma question as long as I can, hoping that when it finally comes I can laugh it off.

Linda - posted on 05/02/2010

1

17

0

I know the feeling I am 45 years old.I have a daughter 25 years old & son is 5 years old.When we are out with our son we constantly get comments such as isn't it great to be a grandparent and have fun but get to send them home.Always love to see the reaction when we tell them he is ours

Nina - posted on 05/02/2010

6

2

0

I know what you mean! We can kick their young cellulite-free butts clear into next week!

Sheila - posted on 05/02/2010

5

4

0

I just turned 50 and have a 20 month old. The first granma or two stung but now it doesn't bother me at all I know I can out last some of them lol

Pam - posted on 05/02/2010

4

18

1

People always think I'm my kids grandma too. I had my two at 29 & 34, and am already almost completely grey. We just always end up laughing about it. When my son was about 4 I had an argument with one of the little girls in his daycare thinking I was his grandma, I couldn't convince her otherwise, so I just said ok and moved past it, lol.

Nina - posted on 05/01/2010

6

2

0

I always remember the classic "Dear Abby" response to rude personal questions, just answer "Why do you ask?"



Shuts 'em up every time. Almost.

Suzette - posted on 05/01/2010

6

0

0

I am 44 yrs old and I have a 2.5 yr old, 22 yr old and a 21 yr old. I also have a 2 yr old grandson. I get asked if my son was an accident or if he is my granson. Funny thing is; my husband and I planned our son and my grandson was an accident. Yes, we were pregnant at the same time. It really is no one's business so, have fun and answer anyway you like. They should know better than to even ask such personal questions.

VicTORIa - posted on 05/01/2010

36

5

1

I was in a 15 year relationship with a man who was, like me, the oldest of 10 children. He wanted to be an Uncle, not a Dad. Then by happy accident I got pregnant and decided I would rather adopt him out than our child! Needless to say I left to raise our son, and eventually married a man who wanted kids. Now at 56 yrs old, I have a 23 year old son, and daughters who are 18 and 16 years old. I went grey at only 25 yrs old, but I have less wrinkles, even now, than most of my younger sisters. I got called Grandma only once or twice - my kids corrected them! I never looked young, but when I was in my 20s I could not have handled children and their emotional needs. I am glad I waited. However, I have had little children, when I was at the park with my kids, come sit in my lap...like I was their Grandma! If the grey hair makes the kids more comfortable around me I guess it is OK. I stopped dying my hair anyway, about 15 years ago. And I will be a grandma later this year!

Nina - posted on 05/01/2010

6

2

0

I can relate! I am 50 with a 4 year old, and when I occasionally get the "Grandma" comment I know it's time to get my hair redone, pronto! If I really want to mess with people I say she's my little sister, but usually I just laugh and say "nope, I gave birth to this kiddo" and enjoy the look on their face, as they're trying to figure out what to say next. Usually an apology.

Christine - posted on 05/01/2010

3

4

0

I'm only 39 and I'm a grandma. I wish I would have waited. My husband and I got married and had kids very young and struggled. Just smile and say, "Isn't my baby adorable?" They will see their mistake and be embarassed all o their own. You have nothing to be upset about.

Mary - posted on 05/01/2010

2

7

0

I have 5 siblings. When the youngest was born I was 17. People thought she was mine. My kids are 12 years apart - so now my girl is almost 24 and my boy almost 12. I have 2 grandchildren (ages almost 5 and 2). And nobody thinks I'm a grandma - they just think I got busy!!

I think it has a lot to do with whoever is making the comment - and a little to do with yourself. Yeah - I dye my hair, I wear jeans and funky gym shoes and silly slogan t-shirts. I'm not a grandma inside and I guess I'm lucky cuz my insides are taking over my outsides!!

Debra - posted on 05/01/2010

6

1

0

Yes that's happened to me too, I had my son when I was 33, these days that not even old, people just open their pie holes before thinking. I have mastered a very snide look for anyone who does it to me, fortunately it hasn't happened in a while because my son is taller than me now. LOL .

Becky - posted on 04/30/2010

22

20

5

Just laugh at others ignorance. My 2 oldest girls were 15 & 10 when we had our youngest. I kept getting the question "Do they all have the same Daddy?" and yes I've had the same husband!!!! Now my oldest is 25 and has a daughter of her own and I get asked if she is mine! Go figure!!!

Sandi - posted on 04/30/2010

2

6

0

Forgot to mention that my son's name is Braden. lol. I see a lot of Braden's on the comments.

Nancy - posted on 04/30/2010

12

141

1

You are something else. Good for you. Was your 3rd child planned or a happy oops. You do now by any means look like a Grandma to me. I had my first, she's now 35, when I was 17 people thought she was my sister, I had my 2nd at 32. I was once the youngest of Moms in my child's circle and then the oldest. I had it both ways. LOL God Bless you, Krista. You seem like a remarkable woman :D

Sandi - posted on 04/30/2010

2

6

0

I have 3 children. 19, 17, and 4. I had my 4 year old when I was 41 1/2. He will be 4 next week and I will be 46 this summer. My oldest daughter is a sophomore in college, my middle daughter is a junior in high school and my son is in pre-school. We joke because my middle daughter will start college when my son starts Kindergarten. I have been asked if I am my son's grandma also. I very calmly reply with joy, No, he is my son!!!!! They are usually embarrassed for asking. lol. I was 26 and 29 when I had my girls and other than being more tired, I have enjoyed my little man soooooo much. I'm hearing of more and more women having children when they are older. I used to think I was in a group pretty much all of my own, but not anymore. We need to be thankful no matter what the age for our beautiful blessings that make us laugh and feel love like no one else can. Best to you all!!!!! You are wonderful moms.

Sherry - posted on 04/30/2010

48

69

10

Yes, I get that too. I had my first child when I was 42. I am now 44 and have a beautiful 2.5 year old. It does make me wince a bit when someone makes that comment, but then I think, well I certainly could be a grandmother by now and try not to fault them. Generally, I find the people that make these types of comments are pretty out of it. Cheers to us old moms! :)

[deleted account]

I haven't had that yet, but my husband has. I'm 41, he's 48, and we have 4 kids, ages 2 to 11. I try not to get too upset -- after all, we have several friends, and even dh's younger brother, who are grandparents. There's such a variety in parenting ages, my friends who got married or got pregnant right out of high school are gparents already. Then those of us who waited, we still have toddlers! It takes all kinds. I think probably if you corrected anyone who thought you were the grandparent would probably be chagrined & embarrassed that they'd made that assumption.

Deb - posted on 04/30/2010

3

6

0

I am 50 and have an 8 an 11 year old. I dread the day someone asks me if I am grandma. With all the older parents these days you would think people would not ask such questions!

Geri - posted on 04/29/2010

2

15

0

I hear it all the time. Have two stepkids, two teenage boys, a four year old and a two year old. I am fourty four, What gets me even more is people asking why.. Shouldn't you be wanting grandkids.. I will have a grandchild this year.. very happy. The one story I love is a girl I went to school with came in where I work ( I bring my baby to work ) and said oh you have a grandchild ,, no this is my baby,, she said but you are too old I laughed, no going to have one more soon "which I lost" but the next year she was having a baby.. I have never said anything to her. but a smile. Never to old to enjoy being a mom.

Fiona - posted on 04/29/2010

51

16

12

Oh yes, I am a mother who is called Grandma too. I had my first at 40, and second at 44, have grey hair and other accessories of old age, so I can't blame people. I try to stay calm and give a cheerful retort, but sometimes (especially when I'm really tired) it gets me down. Do I REALLY look that old??? Never mind, we can't all look like television mums, I suppose. Do you know what I mean - these mums of teenagers who look like they're in their 20's themselves? LOL - cheers to the other "wrinklies" out there! xx

[deleted account]

I understand your situation, Kristi. I had my first son, at age 30, and my second at 39. Yes...........9 1/2 years between them. I also went grey very early. When I used to go shopping with my second son, people were always asking if I had my grandchild for the day. I used to get very frustrated. I would reply......"no, I might be an older mum, but I am his mum!" I also started dying my hair!!!! LOL
That was probably the biggest thing in stopping it. I see by your photo, that doesn't seem to be a problem for you, or maybe like me you cover it up. Don't know how else you can deal with it other than to make a joke of it.

April - posted on 04/28/2010

15

6

1

Guess I was in the middle there, I wasnt young but not quite older yet. What are the ages of your children and yourself? Do you get called Grandma or are you a Grandma? Geez I am nosey...lol

Terri - posted on 04/28/2010

5

16

3

I had my children EARLY~ and reflecting back, maybe it would have been wiser to wait awhile. Don't ever beat yourself up for taking your time to have children! Parents are much more prepared the older they get for the challenges & responsibilities of parenthood. I'm not saying young parents can't handle it but I have seen many that can't.

April - posted on 04/28/2010

15

6

1

A lot of people are doing that these days, sometimes I wish that my husband and I would have waited a little longer so we would have had more alone time because we sure havent had any for 17 yrs...lol but I love my sons and I am trying to enjoy the teenage yrs of two boys 14 months apart, everybody thinks they are twins but they are not in the same grade but I never got called my boys grandma because my boys are the ones who aged me...lol well my husband helped too! I cant imagine
having two teenage girls. You had your kids farther apart then I had mine, Koby had just turned 8 when I had Kayla.
Do you ever think about your age when your children are grown? I will be 60 when Kayla is 25, she has Cerebral Palsy, it is a mild case but it has given her developmental delays she has been going to school since she was 3. She was born a month early weighing 4.9, 16 inches, so I felt guilty for having her when I found out she had problems, but when she got older she has progressed so much and gotten such a good , kind, soft hearted personality, I am so happy I had her!! I can tell we will be best friends forever. By the way my son Konners middle name is Braden, love that name! Love to talk, April

Kristi - posted on 04/28/2010

2

0

0

When we got married we had no desire to have children. Then around my late 20's the "biological clock" starting ticking. That was weird. Anyway I wanted to start around 30 but I was finishing college at the time and then we moved from Florida to Wisconsin (our home state), then it took us a little time to settle in before deciding to give it a try. Fortunately we conceived our two daughters easily. We didn't know if we wanted a third, but when we did try it took a little longer, but he was sure worth it.

April - posted on 04/27/2010

15

6

1

I know the feeling, I had my last child, my girl Kayla, finally at 35, all of her 2nd grade friends ask if I'm her grandma, makes me feel really sad, I just turned 44 last week I dont think of myself as a grandma. My oldest son is 17 guess he could have a kid, God forbid! I didnt have him until I was almost 27 a week before, then 14 months later my son Konner was born, WOW what rush my life was in! We have been married for 18 years and had our first child 14 months after we got married. May I ask why you waited so long to have your children?

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms