Raising a grandchild

Sherel - posted on 08/04/2011

Give yourself a special name for her to call you, eg "big ma"...that still differentiates you from her mom.

Christine - posted on 12/13/2009

I am sorry to read about the loss of your daughter. You have a beautiful grand daughter and she is going to be just fine with you there with her. I is hard raising a grand, I am helping my daughter with her son and you are right it is hard to know where you fit in. To be perfectly honest with you, you are doing more than right for your daughter by caring for that beautiful baby girl. Try finding someone who can help you by babysitting for you just for a couple of hours even it you just go home and take a two hour nap uninterrupted. Believe me it helps. I also want you to know I will pray for you and your family especially during the holiday season. I have also suffered some serious loss in my family this year and it will be hard for us as well. Just know as long as you are doing the best you can for that beautiful little girl you are doing right.

Denise - posted on 12/07/2009

Hi Tammy,
I have never lost a child, but am helping raise 8 grandchildren from 1yr to 16. I know that can do this just be nana or grandma that's where u fit in. Don't ever try to be mommy. Take one day at a time. With a couple of these grands I have they don't have there moms so but the appreciate the love and the care I give them. Just raise her like she was ur own. Counseling is good for yourself and later for her. I wish u the best of luck. It sound like u will just do fine. Take Care

Sandy - posted on 12/06/2009

Hello Tammy, I am 54 and have been raising 3 of my grandaughters for over 2 years now. When they came to me they were 3, 17 months and 3 months. Hubby and I didn't know what hit us. They were sent to us for a reason and we wouldn't be parted from them now for anything in the world. Just know that these things, both good and tragic are sent to us for a reason. Your granddaughter needs you and will come to depend on you for everything from a kiss better for a minor tumble to sharing her world with you. I have been accepted in all circles as both the carer and the Nanny and hopefully you will be accepted as time goes by. Many of the mothers at childcare and pre-school are so much younger than I, but their acceptance is truley amazing. Sometimes they even make me feel like I am one of them and of a similar age. I hope you will gain acceptance with your grandaughter's friends and their parents. This little girl needs you and is exceedlingly lucky to have a grandmother like you to love and guide her. Good luck with everything and just remember who you are and that you are not alone.

Rose - posted on 12/06/2009

hi. just do what comes naturally be a mother to your granddaughter, it's sounds like you are really doing a good job of that already. when she is old enough to understand are you going to tell her the truth about her parents? but at the moment be a mother to her god bless and good luck

Linda - posted on 12/06/2009

Tammy. May God give you the wisdom to raise her. There are many more grandparents with grandchildren than you think. I have been a part of my Grandson Joshua's life since birth. He now lives with me. and DH We have a 3 way custody. Mom and dad can't support him on their own now. This was a choice that God gave to me. Both Mom and dad each have another child. He loves them both and they love him too! You are doing right by your daughter, you are giving her child love and caring and a place to call Home.

Gloria - posted on 12/06/2009

I know the loss of a child is the most painful experience anyone could go through. I am glad that your daughter continues as part of your grandchild. It would be the only thing I could think of that could slightly ease the burden. It is easy to understand why you don’t know where you fit in. I know if I lost my daughter I would feel totally lost. Having recently lost my mother I know the pain and feeling of loss become more manageable with time. In time you will find that where you fit in is as the most loving of grandmas. I hope you gain comfort in the coming years telling your grandchild all about her mother and all your treasured memories of her.

Belinda - posted on 12/05/2009

I am so sorry for your loss. I too am 46 and am helping raise my 2 Grandsons who live with me. I just wanted to tell you one of my favorite quotes, "Child of my Child, is twice my child"...I hope this helps you put things into perspective as far as your precious Grandchild is concerned. She is blessed to have you in her life!

Petra - posted on 12/05/2009

This breaks my heart to read this....thank goodness you have your grandchild to love who is such a part of your daughter ( and you ) you will do right by your daughter, just writing this and sharing with others shows you are doing so! Sending you loads of love & thoughts & good wishes xx

Blanche - posted on 12/04/2009

I am so sorry for your loss God is with you I am also raising 2 grandchildren now ages 11 and 14 I have had then now for 5 years I lost my daughter to drugs the 11 year old was born a crack addict baby he has a lot of problems but we are all doing great it is real hard at times so I kinda know what u r going through I am here for u if you need to talk so for now I will say to you God Bless you and your family

Cheryl - posted on 12/04/2009

I'm 51 and raising two of my step-daughters children, she is in prison for drugs. I have three grown children of my own ages 32, 30 and 28. We adopted my stepdaughters oldest child when she was born and she is now 8. Then she went to prision. We have two of her other children. She has another child in Nebraska and we have been trying to get him for the last two years, he has a guardian that isn't very good and he needs to be with his brother and sisters. We just found out about a month ago that my stepdaughter is pregnate even though she is in prison. She wants me to take this baby too. I tried to convience her he would be better off if he was adopted but she says no. So at the age of 52 I will be raising 3 grandchildren and still have my youngest we adopted. Raising grandchildren isn't easy but it sure is a blessing. I say almost everyday, they are just children and they didn't asked to be born but they deserve to have a great life. My grandchildren have blossomed, you should have seen them when we got them. All I can say, is God will help. I work fulltime, and also have nine more grandchildren. I know I wouldn't trade one day. There is nothing more precious than being tired and all of a sudden a little hand is in yours. Our they write I love you Grammy. I wouldn't trade those moments for anything. As long as you love your grandchild and raise them as you did her, you have done the right thing. Don't get me wrong there are those days when you want to cry because you don't have the patience left and your plum tired. Those our the times we cuddle up together with a movie they want to watch and I sit and rest. Praise the lord for you. Hang in there and know there is support for you.

Joy - posted on 12/04/2009

There are more and more grandmas out there raising there grand children for various reasons. Sorry yours are for such sad reasons. I am glad though you have this little one to pour your love out on to and help heal the huge gap you must feel. You are doing a remarkable job - love this baby and be honest as she grows. Let her know she has her moms eyes or what ever and make her the connections for her. I have big blended family - when every one is here we have 18, 17, 13, 10,8, 8 and 4 months old - plus i have my elderly dad and husband. some times God gives us more than what we bargined for but when they are family they are the most precious gift and worth their weight in gold. God bless you.

Patricia - posted on 12/04/2009

God bless you and fill you with the peace that passes all understanding. I have had to play mother, grandmother and mother/grandmother due to a terrible illness my daughter endured and with Gods grace ultimately survived. Please know that although finding where you fit in may be hard, you are absolutely doing what is right by your daughter. You raised her and now that person she trusted the most is raising her most important legacy, your granddaughter. Being a widow, a grandma while I was still in my thirties, and having grown and small children has not made me an easy "fit" either but I know one place we both fit perfectly, right in the Masters hand!

Marsha - posted on 12/04/2009

My heart goes out to you... I am a grandma (aka nana) raising a grandchild as well. He will be four years old this month and I have had him since birth. I know what you mean about being both parent and grandparent. It is SO hard to be both! Discipline, not discipline, spoil them, not spoil them. These are the daily choices we must make and pray that we do the best job we can for these little ones who have no other choice. I do feel out of place at times when we go out and I see the much younger parents, but believe you me, I have ran into so many grandparents who are in our shoes. Just do the best you can and god will bless us in the end.

Susan - posted on 12/03/2009

I am so sorry for your loss...words are inadequate in a situation like this. Know that your grandchild is truly blessed to have you in her life. You are doing right by your daughter, you are loving her child and taking care of her. You are a wonderful mother & grandmother. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Hugs, Susan

Miriam - posted on 12/03/2009

For whatever it helps, I am a 47 year old mom of a 2 year old and a 17 yearold. It is hard to know where to fit in. I am so sorry for your horrible losses. My husband died in August and I have found many online support groups for all types of grief. Also how/when to talk to the baby. Please feel free to write to me if you want to.

Victoria - posted on 12/03/2009

Hi Tammy my heart goes out to you may God continue to keep you in perfect peace. I have two grand children I'm raisin 7yr old boy who need to be reminded multi times and a 10yr old grand daughter who help raised her brother their mother is my eldest out of three who being healing from mental illness. My name is Victoria I take one day at a time

Maxine - posted on 12/03/2009

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I am a mother of 3 daughters. My 17 & 16 year old daughters both have kids. They are both in school & I am responsible for all of them. You will raise your grandchild just like you did your own children. Show your grandchild pictures & talk about his or her mom because he/her will have no memories of her. You will be like me & play with them, go to all their activies & even go to school with them. You will be this child MOM forever. My grandchildren 2 & 2 & 10 months & I am 49. 2 boys & 1 girl. You will meet people young & old that will be glad to be a part of your life & the younger mothers will be asking for advise. I wish you & your family the best.

Lisa - posted on 12/03/2009

God bless you!

Lisa - posted on 12/03/2009

I'm 45, mother of two a 17 year old and a 6 year old! and I read your note and I am sure that you will be a great motrher to your grand baby and God will bless you! keep your head up and be strong! you can do this! my 17 year old I thought would never do wrong! boy was I wrong!! God bless you!

Libby - posted on 12/03/2009

Wow. I'm praying for you as I write. I cannot even begin to imagine what that must be like. The only advise I have is something you probably already know: Pray that the Lord will continually guide you. She is indeed a beautiful child. (I'm guessing that's her in the photo.

Teresa - posted on 12/02/2009

Tammy: I have no words of wisdom. No words to ease your confusion. And, no words to ease any pain. All I can say is do your best and make your daughter proud. May God bless the work that you are doing.