should grandchildren call you grandma or by your name?

Cathy - posted on 01/12/2010 ( 1193 moms have responded )

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My grandchildren by my oldest son his wife's parents insits that the grandchildren call me by my name instead of grandma..This bothers my greatly..What should I do? The children are small and don't know any better..

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Lorie - posted on 01/13/2010

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I guess I am old fashion. I believe they should call them "grandma' or 'grandpa' or "Nana". Basically, whatever is comfortable for everyone. It's very endearing to be called that. So very special!

Tina - posted on 08/07/2011

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Okay, let me get this straight, your daughter-in-law's parents are insisting that the grandkids call YOU by your name in stead of the earned title of Grandma or Nana? It is not their choice and their input, while is respected, has no basis on what the kids call YOU. We, as grandmothers, have earned the title of Grandma or Nana. It is your preference on what the grandkids call you. This needs to be made known to your son and his wife.

Diana - posted on 01/14/2010

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Your son's in-laws are telling your grandkids what to call you? Who made them the authority? That is none of their business what your GKs call you. You should voice your opinion and truly your son should back you.

Personal opinion, I think it's completely ridiculous when someone doesn't want to be referred by any term that would classify them as a grandparent... It would give me great pride but only having a 15month old I have many years before I have that priviledge.

Yvette - posted on 01/14/2010

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My opinion is that the choice should be yours not someone else's. I can't wait to be called grandma, what are they thinking?! You are their grandma and so it should be.

Chaya - posted on 07/08/2012

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Just my two cents, I didn't ask my son to do this, butI recently found that I'm a grandma, my granddaughter calls me Sevta, the Hebrew word for grandmother. (Sabba for Grandfather) Whatever you wish should be respected, as long as it's appropriate.
One of my nieces called her great grandmother Omi because that's as close as she could come when she was 2/3. Now, 25-30 yeaars later, Omi is still rememberedas Omi

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Constanza - posted on 04/01/2013

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Tell them your kids are too young to do that, and they will stick with Grandma and Grandad for now.

Tina - posted on 10/24/2012

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I think you need to speak to your son about this, let him know that you are not comfortable with his children calling you by name. If they have a problem with the name grandmother perhaps another term on endearment can be used. I didn't feel like being call grandma, so my granddaughter calls me "GiGi". What did your son call your parents?

Stephanie - posted on 10/23/2012

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well when i was growing up i called my mother's father gumpy alot and he would just laugh but i also called him grandpa. I called my wanah(granmother/mother's mother) sweetheart some times too.I never called them their first names to their face. tho i think if my parents wouldn't have been sp close to them i don't know if i would have. I find calling them their "title" is a show of respect that they are the ones to raise my parents and that my parents did the "job" of raising me with great honor. So i give it back. (adding to)

My children call my father pop-pop, or Grandpa C(last name) and call my husband step dad(tho who did not raise my husband) pop-pop too. with the honor that my husband's mother had for her own husband/love respectful. and they love to have names for them Papop =) is one name my first son calls my "step"-father-in-law.

Faye - posted on 10/22/2012

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There is no way that I would tolerate being called any title other than grandma. It is a title that is earned, and respect is due without question. I would politely and in a stearn voice speak to my son and daughter-in-law jointly to express my displeasure, and let them know that I demand to be called Grandma by my grandchildren.

Stella - posted on 10/22/2012

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My grandbabiea call me gramma or gama. My daughter in laws sisters children call me grandma. I dont like the grandma firstname stuff. I do think that children should call adults by mr or mrs last name. They are your elders and deserve and have earned that respect. This isnt a time gone by. Even boyscouts have manners and have been taught that. Thanks for giving me my chance at input.

Kathy - posted on 10/16/2012

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I don't understand your daughter-in-laws concern. Kids love grandmas and grandpas, even if they are a neighbor. If you are their grandparent....by all means they should call you so. If you're a step grandparent, it gets a little tricky. My husband is a step-grandpa to my grand daughters. The biological grandpa (my ex) has issues with the girls calling my husband Grandpa...and I can understand. So when we are in private they call whomever they are with Grandpa (even if we are all together) but when just talking about them, we use Grandpa (name) to differentiate. This is mostly with the 4 year old. She understands. They other three are 2 and under so it's whatever comes out of their cute little mouths!!!

The name Grandma or Grandpa is more than a place in the family. It is a sign of respect. Kids can't call their teachers by their first name so why should they be allowed to call an adult by their first name? I just don't get her (the DIL) reasoning!

Pam - posted on 10/15/2012

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I believe that it should be your choice what they call you I have always thought that it was respectful to call or be called by the title ie: grandma or Nana or something along the line like that!!

Tracey - posted on 10/09/2012

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I would have a talk with my son and explain that this is one of the great joys of parenting and you have earned the right to be called grandma, and that you would like very much that he, his wife, and her parents respect that. Also, let him know that in no way does his in-laws have the right to take that away from you.



Personally, I would refer to myself as grandma whenever I was talking to my grandchildren on the phone or in person i.e. "grandma and grandpa are always thinking about you guys"



I know it sounds like undermining her authority, but it is also planting a seed in your grandchildren that this not something you agree with.



Parents these days have no idea what physiological damage they are doing. In my view, that is one of the most disrespectful things I have ever heard. Hopefully, your son is strong enough to stand up against this and show his love and respect for his parents. Good luck!

Keri - posted on 10/09/2012

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When my husband and I found out we were having our son, when we told our parents about it, we asked them what they wanted to be called. My mother in law picked "Busia" (pronounced bush-uh), which is Polish for grandmother. My mom is "Ma'ama" as this was the first thing our son called her when he tried to say "grandma". She probably would have preferred "grandma" or "gram" (like what me and my brother call our grandmothers), but the "Ma'ama" name was "given" to her by our son. My husband claims his paternal grandma asked the kids to call her "Miss (whatever he first name was)" because she didn't like the term "grandma". Personally, there are very few times I ever use my parents or grandparents' first names. I don't think anyone should be able to control such personal aspects of a relationships.

Robyn - posted on 10/05/2012

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I agree its your choice in what you would like to be called no1 elses! My son has a grandma( my grandmother, my sons great grandma) a nanna and a nanny! I've been brought up that it is respectful too!! There are names there for a reason!! You wouldn't expect your son to start calling you my your 1st name would you? You are his mother so he calls you mum and to his kids you are the grandmother therefore ideally they call you grandma

Alexis - posted on 10/05/2012

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My mom wanted my 3 kids to call her and my dad by their names instead of grandma and grandpa. My parents are from Russia and "grandma" in Russian is "babushka", which also means an old, wrinkled, hunched-over lady with a cane and a scarf on her head (the typical russian grandma they portray in movies). In my moms mind that's what "grandma or babushka" stood for, and my parents were fairly young when my first son was born. My husband is American so our kids called his parents grandma and grandpa. I remember talking to my kids about my parents one day and suddenly they realized they're also their grandparents LOL. The kids knew they were somehow related but guess they never quite put it together because they were so used to calling their grandparents by their names. So point to this story is I think it's definitely better to be called grandma and grandpa, not by your first names. It even sounds weird to me hearing my kids calling my parents by their names...

Rena - posted on 10/05/2012

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I am a mom, and a step-mom. When my step daughter had a child I suggested that she call me Nana (as she already had a grandma on both her maternal and paternal sides) This has worked well, and I feel it avoided any hard feelings from the biological grandma. My daughter doesn't have children yet, so I am not sure what her children will call me...but I suspect they, too, will call me Nana as that is what they will hear from their cousins. It really doesn't matter what they call you... it just matters that they do!!

Allison - posted on 10/04/2012

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If they are your own grandchildren then you can have them call you whatever you want. That is not their decision and even if they aren't it's really up to the child. My daughter calls my mother-in-law grandma. I love it. Makes me feel good that she doesn't correct her, she loves her just as much as her own grandchildren.

Peggy - posted on 09/29/2012

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They should be allowed to call you whatever THEY want.



My husbands ex-wife (it's only been 18 years) is telling our granddaughter to not call me grandma because I am not really her grandma. The poor thing is only 4 years old and has only known me as grandma.



I think that is cruel.....



She told their daughter lies about me from the very beginning to prevent her from accepting me and now she is starting on our grandchild.



I feel helpless, as I don't want to do anything to hurt my granddaughter more.

Kim - posted on 07/17/2012

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Your son's wife, or her parents, just to clarify? Maybe pull her (your son's wife) aside and explain that this is hurting you, and you would like to come to a compromise. Sometimes it is difficult when a grandmother wants to be the only "Grandma," and there is another she must share this title with, which sounds like this is the situation with her parents, if I am reading this correctly.



When you sit down, maybe come up with a "middle ground," of sorts. Maybe they could call you "Grandma Cathy," which would meet both needs right in the middle. Or maybe you could make a unique honorific so neither of you has to share the title. In my family, my grandmother on my mother's side has always been Gram, and on my father's side, Nammy. They chose their nicknames. This way, neither had to share the title, each had her own special acknowledgement of who she is, without simply addressing them as "Georgia" or "Ruthie" which in my opinion would have been rude.



Edit: My husband and I chose to continue this tradition when we discovered we were pregnant, by the way. My mother is Nanny, his mother is Nona. Best of luck in your situation!

Chaya - posted on 07/17/2012

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Wouldn't it be wise to tell your daughter in law which you prefer, and please respect that.

Nichole - posted on 07/15/2012

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I believe they should call you grandma " name" my kids do that cause they still have 4 great grandmas and grandmas... same with grandpa's...

Nikki - posted on 07/15/2012

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There is no need t o make a fuss. The parents control the child and even though it seems odd, as long as the children are underage, the parents rule.

Michelle - posted on 07/15/2012

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Well said Jennifer, whatever's easy for the children. I believe they deifnitely need a name, but how amazing that the kids came up with the names, it makes it more special, same here. My grandchildren did that too for me, I have to smile every time they say it. It really is special, but also in saying that, I wouldn't mind either way, as long as them and myself know we are the grandparents.

Tara - posted on 07/15/2012

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To me, calling grandparents Grandma, Grandpa or any variation is like my son calling me Mommy. I wouldn't like it if he called me Tara so he calls his grandparents by their title.

Jennifer - posted on 07/15/2012

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While they should know your real name you should be called either by what you want to be called or special names the kids themselves have given you . My girls call my in laws Nonie and Popie as they requested my my folks are Amma Bear (my mom has a teddybear tatto on her ankle and my youngest could not say grandma) and Papa, and my Grandma is Babo again this came form my youngest trouble with speech as her name has always been Grandma Sue we lived closer to Babo when the kiddos were younger so her name came around earlier in the development. I actually would talk to everyone involved the other grandparents, the parents and the grand kids themselves. Most kids understand that there are different rules for different households and that people have rules for themselves let everyone involved know how you feel and what you want to be called. Good Luck!

Kristin - posted on 07/13/2012

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The grandchildren should call you by whatever name YOU and they are comfortable with. If you want to be Grandma, then that is your choice. The other grandparents should have no say in the matter. I would tell them that if the grandkids can't call you grandma, then they can't call them by their chosen term either!

Cindy - posted on 07/11/2012

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THAT should be GRANDMA'S choice. My son had 5, so we had to use names but he always said "Grandma so in so" not only a first name. Now 18, it's "hey Grandma".

Lynn - posted on 07/11/2012

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Sounds like the other grandparents want the full and only title. That is not right!!! It is a sign of respect as well as a name of endearment. I would talk to your grandbabies and just let know that your name is Gramma, for them. When they are old enough you can tell them how that all works and that their Dad is your son. Don't give up on it. It is GREAT to be a gramma!!!

Sherry - posted on 07/10/2012

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Don't worry about it along as they call you the name you want to be callled by. I do agree that grandbabies should call grandparents by anything but their actually name . i feel it shows disrespect. And if the other set want to be called their names its POSSIBLE THEY FEEL TO YOUNG TO BE GRANDPARENTS but THERE'S ALOT OF NAMES BESIDES grandma and grandpa

Alyeene - posted on 07/10/2012

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I would tell them TOUGH STUFF I am their Grandma to and they Call me that and they call you by YOUR FIRST NAME! Your son needs to step up and put his foot down!

Allanna - posted on 07/10/2012

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both my children are young, and we live close by to both my parents as well as my in-laws. In order to differentiate between grandparents, we use 'grandma' followed by whichever grandparents name we're referring to if we're not directly infront of them so the kids know who we're talking about. I never grew up calling my grandparents by their names, that would just seem odd to me.

Sharlene - posted on 07/09/2012

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U should be called what u want them to call u. I am sure u have been looking forward to being called grandma. Do u have other grandchildren if so what do they call u? I think it is an honor to be called grandma, tell them how u feel.

Stephanie - posted on 07/09/2012

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I think kids love giving their grandparents titles of endearment. Of course, the parents and grandparents, can help the child decide on a name, but designating a special name for the grandparents makes their relationship even more special:-). My siblings and I called my father's mother "Mama Nettie", while we called my mother's mother "Grandma Irene." And my children call my mother "Mamaw", and my father, "Paw Paw." All of these names have such special meaning in our family, and just the mention of the names brings precious memories that will last a lifetime...

Fay - posted on 07/09/2012

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I think you should choose what you would like to be called i have six grandchildren and they have the best of both because they have grandparents on both sides so i'm known as grandma Fay and the other grand parent is nanna and her name.. x

Maria - posted on 07/09/2012

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You should be called the name you choose. Why are the other grandparents calling the shots? What do the kids call those grandparents? Do they call them by name? Or are they expecting a monopoly on the "Grandma" name? There are lots of different names for grandparents so you can choose different names to distinguish between the people without resorting to birth names, which you said bothers you greatly. For example, we have Grandma and Grammie in our family.

Danielle - posted on 07/09/2012

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My son has 3 Grandmothers ( DH's mother, my mom and my step-mom) and calls each of them by a different name... Gramma, Yaya and Nana. If the other set want to be Gramma and Grampa, they could call you something else.

Chaya - posted on 07/08/2012

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My great grandmother and my parents wished to be called by their first names because it made identifying them much easier among other grandparents. It's not about what someone else thinks,it's about what the individual grandparents prefer. Yes, it can be conscrewed as being disrepsectful, but I'm of the mind that my children and grandchildren call me by my first name.

Joleen - posted on 07/08/2012

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I think they should be called grandma or something similar like nana... if they want their name attached fine... for example my children call their grandmas....

Grandma Sally, Grandma Bernie, Grandma Claudette, and Grandma Hazan.

Jo - posted on 07/08/2012

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It's up to the grandmother to decide what she wants to be called. Whatever makes her happy is appropriate and acceptable. A rose is still a rose... as long as she gets respect always.

GAIL - posted on 07/08/2012

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tell your son you will be called grandma. If his wife's parents want to be called by their first names fine, but let them know you will be called grandma. Also when the kids call you by your first name gently correct them and tell them your name is Grandma.

Nadia - posted on 07/08/2012

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I think it's perfectly normal. I called my grandparents by name from both sides my mom parents and my dads. I think it's makes them feel not so old:) now my daughter calls my mom and dad by name and that's how my mom wants it. Plus I have a brother same age as my daughter and my mom definitely doesn't want him to hear thats somebody calling her grandma in front of him.

Kathy - posted on 07/08/2012

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maybe they can call you Grandma Cathy or grandma Johnson. they still would be saying your name but grandma is on the front. one of my niece and nephew call their grandma, grandma Rose.

Chaya - posted on 07/06/2012

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I personally prefer being called by my first name, with my children and grandchildren because if a child looses me in the grocery store, hollering my name, which is unusual, would get me there faster than calling me by title.
On the other hand, when my daughter was in kindergarden, she came home asking me why she didn't have a mom and dad. Fair question.
You should have your wishes respected as long as they are fair, this is.

Sharlene - posted on 07/06/2012

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My grandkids & great grandkids call me Ma B. It started when they could not say grandma and it came out Ma B. Now it is Ma and Pa B. We love it.

Onyeche Elisabeth - posted on 07/06/2012

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What about a nice compromise? Nana/Granny/Grandma Stella for instance? The way kids go aunt Stella? I am trying to get my daughter to identify both grandparents by the family names e.g. Grandma Agbiti, Grandma Idikwu. That said, it is entirely up to you how you want to be addressed and you shouldn't really have to subscribe to their way of doing things. You could cheekily suggest that the grandkids call them Granny/Grandma/Nana :) I don't think it is worth getting into a huge discussion with them about. You can just quietly insist on the title you want and let their parents know how you feel!!

Tina - posted on 07/04/2012

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I think you should speak to your son and his wife about this. I find it rude and disrespectful for children to address grown folks by their names. I guess you would need to get to the root of why his wife's parents would want for you to be addressed by your name. Do the children address them (the wife's parents) by their names? Perhaps a nick name if grandma isn't a good idea. My grand-daughter calls me GiGi. And I figure the rest if any more grands will call me that also. Good luck.

Kathleen - posted on 07/03/2012

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It is not your sons in-laws place to decide how you are called by your grandchildren, nor your children's. That privelege belongs to you, in my family I am Nanny, my choice, my decision.

Cathy - posted on 07/02/2012

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Now since they (my Grandchild) ( Bobby, Cheyenne and Chase) have been going to my church they have been calling me Grandma!! I don't know what changed it,Maybe prayers,or the people at church. But it sure has been a blessing !! It had been confussing to the other grandchildren in the family when they were just calling me Cathy !! Thank you for all the responses!!

Diana - posted on 07/02/2012

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Our 3 Grandkids call us Nana and Bumpa. It Started with our first grandchild and the other 2 just followed suit... I would rather be call Nana then grandma. If Fact our Oldest grandson corrects people if the call me grandma lol. Just got to love it :-)

Loral - posted on 03/06/2012

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I believe that, having read some of these reponses, that what your grandchildren call you really is a personal choice. I don't, however, agree with others saying it's alright, when it isn't with you. A discussion should be had to make it known what you will be called.

Gabrielle - posted on 03/06/2012

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It doesn't matter what other ppl want some1 tocall you. If you want to be grandma to your grandchildren then thats fine. You need to explain to the other grandparents that it is your choice to have them call you grandma. You have no problem being a grandma. You are proud of it and there is nothing wrong with that.

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