Should I have a second new baby in my 40s. Partner is 20 years younger.

Kathryn - posted on 07/26/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

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Just interested in some thoughts. I am 41 and I have a lovely little 4 month old baby boy to my partner of 2 years. It is his first child. My pregnancy went without any real problems and I gave birth naturally and drug free without anything out of the ordinary happening. I also have 3 teenagers from my marriage of 20 years. They are great kids who adore there little brother and are very accepting of my Partner and the age difference. My issue is, my partner really wants a sibling for our Son and I can fully appreciate him wanting that. I am worried however that I may be pushing my luck having another baby at 42-43? I have essential hypertension that surprisingly comes down to a normal level when pregnant and then shoots up again after birth. I have had this for years and been on BP meds since I was 26. So far it has never been an issue. I also have a real fear of the down syndrome risk. I am anti abortion but at the same time I don't think I am up to caring for a special needs child, and I know my partner would not cope with that. I know its sounds selfish but im just being honest. Anyone else out there in a similar situation?

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Hanny - posted on 08/05/2012

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You are at a higher risk for a special needs child. That's a fact. It is not said that you will per se have one, but you do need to take this into consideration. Your partner is 20 years younger, you already have a healthy baby boy and you are saying your partner is not open to a special needs child. I think you have several decisions to make. One child is not 2, as you know since you also have teenagers. Where do you want to be 10 years from now? What if your relationship is not going to last? Not being mean, just being realistic. Are you willing to take into consideration that you could wind up being a single mom at 40+ raising 2 young children, because your partner would like to have a sibbling for your babyboy? Do you want to make your partner happy or do you really want another child as well? When a relationship ends, children usually stay with their mom. I am not saying that your relationship will end, it is a risk anyone encounters who is in a relationship. So, if that question is playing thru your mind and you are willing to take the responsibility and the answer to that is a yes, then go for it. There are tests, ofcourse, you can do during pregnancy, but you know this. The choice of what to do when the baby is a special needs child, is another decision you both have to consider.

Sinclairbrooks - posted on 07/30/2012

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If your doctor feels that you are healthy & able to have a healthy pregnancy, then your only concerns (other than the normal pregnancy ones) would be the very real risk of having issues associated with pregnancies in older women, as you pointed out, Downs Syndrome. I have a 5 year old, he is our one and only child & he was planned. I had him about a week before I turned 40. I am 45 now & personally would not have wanted to have another child at any older an age than I was. At 45, I feel that I am a good mother & have more patience & common sense - but not the same activity level as a younger parent, and by the time he graduates highschool I will be pushing 60. It think if you are physically able to have another child & are aware and willing to accept the possibilities, then go for it - if not, then no.

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Katija2013 - posted on 08/04/2012

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If you have the financial means and support around you, i say go for it. You know your own body, and what it/you can handle. Children are a blessing, and if you happened to have a Downs baby, im sure you'd love it no differently to your other babies. Im 35, with 7 mth old twins. Being from a small family, id love another child in a few years time. The twin pregnancy has really taken it out of me, so it'll take a couple of years at least to get back to good health. Following that, im hoping to try again. Best wishes to you. :)

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